Truth Be Told
by imahistorian
Summary: Deeks is called back by the LAPD for a long term undercover. The ramifications on him, Kensi, their partnership, and their relationship are something no one could have ever guessed. Starting Chapter 16 story is rated M.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Truth Be Told**  
><strong>**Author: **Mel**  
><strong>**Rating: **T for now, I'll note when it goes higher.**  
><strong>**SPOILERS: **This assumes "Plan B" has happened and takes place in a future from there forward.**  
><strong>**Disclaimer: **Definitely not mine. Also, full disclosure, no beta and my high school English teacher called me the Comma Splice Queen. Also, I'll be slightly ripping off a very recognizable movie plot for this story. Just keep in mind it's all in good fun and this is fiction.**  
><strong>**Note:** Possibly against my better judgment I'm going to start posting this story. I've been writing it since April and it promises to be fairly long. Since I'm far enough ahead I feel pretty confident I won't leave the story (and anyone reading) hanging. My goal is to post weekly, probably on Sundays. This chapter is almost a prologue to the actual plot, which kicks off in the next chapter.

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><p><em>You and I now <em>

_We can be alright__  
><em>_Just hold on to what we know is true__  
><em>_You and I now__  
><em>_Though it's cold inside__  
><em>_Feel the tide is turning_

Feel The Tide – Mumford & Sons

There were some days that Kensi would really prefer a nice boring day of paperwork. Especially when the tradeoff was chasing a criminal stupid enough to think he could outrun three Federal agents and one LAPD police detective.

When the criminal in question, a misguided Marine clumsily trying to sell low level sensitive intel to a small time domestic terrorist group, had taken of like a rabbit, Deeks and Kensi had quickly given chase with Sam and Callen moving to cut him off around the other side of the block.

Even though she had a head start on him, Deeks still followed Kensi close behind. In a sprint she was the faster runner, but for a longer marathon Deeks could easily outrun her. Not a fact she liked to admit.

So after a few minutes they were neck and neck when their suspect turned a corner away from the direction they knew Sam and Callen would appear, forcing them to divide up again. With a quick glance at her partner and with his answering nod Kensi veered to the left while Deeks went right.

A quick rounding of the next corner and Kensi realized she wasn't going to catch up to the suspect in time, which worked out well when Sam and Callen screeched to a halt in Sam's car in front of the man and made the arrest. Kensi came to an abrupt stop by the two senior agents, breathing hard and resting her hands on her knees.

"Where's Deeks?" Callen asked as Sam handcuffed their suspect and pushed him into the backseat of the car. Kensi reached into her back pocket, fishing out her phone and intending to call her partner when they all heard the loud squeal of tires, the sound of a messy vehicle collision and a woman screaming a few blocks away.

Kensi froze; somehow innately knowing something had happened to Deeks. Sam's eyes caught with hers and she saw the sudden concern mirrored on his face. Still holding out hope, she spun and took off from a dead stop, dialing his phone even as she ran in the direction of the sounds. When he didn't answer she felt her heart plummet down to her feet, which pounded on the pavement in time with her rapid breathing. There was no way he wouldn't answer when she called during a chase. Not unless he couldn't.

By the time she arrived at the scene of the accident chaos surrounded everything. It was worse than she'd thought with a semi turned on its side and three cars crumpled and piled together at almost comically destroyed angles. Kensi surveyed the scene, looking for any sign of Deeks. She could always pick him out in a crowd, his height, disheveled hair and the way he walked as familiar to her as the back of her hand.

Swallowing nervously when she didn't see him, Kensi's gaze locked onto a woman standing to the side who looked shaken up. Possibly an eyewitness.

Flashing her badge she approached the woman.

"Federal agent. Did you see what happened here?"

The woman nodded quickly, her eyes worried as they glanced from the wreckage to Kensi.

"There was a man running down the street. The truck ran the red light and the man managed to dodge being hit. But then that car turned in front of him to avoid the truck, the car behind rear ended the truck and trying to stop the semi turned over."

"What happened to the man?"

"I think he's in the wreckage somewhere."

Kensi nodded numbly, somehow managing to thank the woman and turn back towards the car wreck. She could hear the sounds of paramedics and rescue personnel a few blocks away and Kensi knew the second they were on sight she'd never get anywhere near the wreckage. Bystanders were helping the drivers and passengers from the vehicles and she saw no help was needed there. Besides, her partner needed her more right then. Striding purposefully towards the tangled metal she climbed onto the hood of a car, carefully stepping over the broken windshield and onto the dented roof. She was making her way towards the center of the wreck when she heard Callen's voice.

"Kensi, what the hell are you doing?"

"Deeks is in there, Callen!"

It was the only answer she spared him as she dropped down into a space between the cars, crouching low and looking around. She heard Callen and Sam calling her but ignored them as she looked around, her breath catching as she caught sight of a hand, a left hand that wore Deeks' watch, laying flat on the ground, palm up.

Laying flat on her stomach she managed to crawl through the tight space, scrapping up her hands and ruining her shirt and jacket along the way. But in the end she was able to pull herself towards Deeks, finding him wedged between the truck and another car. A quick glance over his unconscious body told her that miraculously he wasn't pinned down by the wreckage, just trapped underneath it. She carefully positioned herself around his head and that was where she found his injury, the entire left side of his head bloody and scrapped up.

Kensi struggled out of her jacket and she pressed it against his head, watching with worry as his blood seeped into the canvas fabric. She applied more pressure and was rewarded with a low groan of pain from her partner. It was a welcome and worrisome sound.

"Kensi . . ."

He hadn't opened his eyes but her name on his lips reassured her. Breathing a sigh of relief, she laid a hand flat on Deeks' chest, keeping him against the ground.

"I'm here, Deeks. Lay still. We're going to have to sit tight until the firemen can get us out."

Despite her words Deeks shook his head as if to clear his mind and his eyes opened slowly, confusion clouding his deep blue eyes until they rested on Kensi, then swiveled around to take in the twisted metal all around them.

"How did you get in here with me? You were down the street when—"

"Deeks, can you feel your legs, your toes? And your arms and hands, fingers? Try wiggling them if you can."

Kensi tried to distract Deeks, knowing he wouldn't be pleased that she'd crawled into a four-car pileup just to come to his rescue. Her strategy worked and Deeks went through the motions of testing out his limbs and feeling for pain. After several minutes she concluded the only place where he seemed to be injured was his head.

The sounds of the rescue personnel working to move the wreckage away from them almost drowned out the ringing of her phone but somehow Kensi managed to twist and pull the phone from her pocket, knowing without looking as she answered it that Callen was on the other end of the line.

"I've got Deeks, Callen. Other than a head injury he seems fine."

"What the hell were you thinking, Kensi? You could have gotten hurt climbing in there. And it isn't exactly the safest place to be right now."

"I was thinking my partner might be hurt and I needed to get to him. And good thing I did, he's got a head wound that's already bled through my jacket."

The silence on the phone told her that Callen was still upset with her, but now also worried about Deeks.

"We'll discuss this later. In the meantime, sit tight. The firemen are starting to lift away the wreck so they should get to you soon."

Kensi hung up the phone, turning back to Deeks and finding him watching her thoughtfully. Feeling a little uncomfortable under his scrutiny, she shrugged.

"What?"

"So you climbed into multiple car wreck just to make sure I was okay?"

"Don't make a big deal out of this, Deeks."

Her tone held a note of warning in it but as usual Deeks ignored that. And she couldn't help being relieved at the smile that tugged at his mouth as he looked at her.

"You just couldn't live without me."

Kensi had to tamp down her laughter at his tone, so confident with himself. It was a game they played, him being as funny and charming as he naturally was, and her pretending not to be amused or charmed by him. So she rolled her eyes and fixed him with a put upon, long suffering look.

"I've invested a lot of time and energy in breaking you in, Deeks. I don't want to put all that effort into a new partner."

When he just laughed softly and didn't offer a quick retort, especially at the opening she'd given him about breaking him in, she glanced down at his face, noticing with worry that he seemed very pale and he'd closed his eyes. She shook his shoulder roughly.

"Hey, Deeks, you need to stay awake. They'll get us out of here soon, but you need to stay awake with me for now."

Deeks opened his eyes, his gaze latching on to hers, though she saw the cloud of disorientation settling in the clear blue depths. She almost shouted in relief when she felt the car behind them being pulled away and then suddenly there were hands picking up and lifting her away from Deeks. His expression turned even more confused and worried and Kensi tried to pull away from the arms that held her, keeping her eyes locked on Deeks.

"No, I'm fine! Take care of him, let me go!"

Finally, either because she was struggling too much or because they realized she was uninjured, the firemen who'd lifted her out let her free. She tried to push forward back to Deeks but he was surrounded as paramedics assessed him and took his vitals before they decided if they could move him. Kensi felt like screaming in frustration and she whirled around when a heavy hand fell on her shoulder.

And when she met Sam's calm and steady gaze Kensi felt the inexplicable urge to cry from relief. Recognizing her unsteady state, so unlike her, Sam slung a comforting arm around her shoulders as they both turned back to the activity around the wreck and Deeks. Kensi looked gratefully at Sam once before turning back to look at the wreck, unable to stop herself from chewing on her thumbnail with worry. Sam squeezed her shoulders with his arm, the heavy weight of him comforting her. The fact that it also held her back and away from interfering with the paramedics didn't escape her notice.

"It looks like he's going to be fine, Kensi. You know Deeks, his head's too hard to actually be injured."

Kensi nodded vigorously in an attempt not to cry and she nearly succeeded, though she did have to swipe at her eyes quickly, praying Sam hadn't noticed. If he did he didn't let on. That he gave her that small bit of pretend ignorance was something Kensi was grateful for.

Deeks had had some close calls in the last several months. And Kensi had often been concerned or worried for him. Though even she had noticed that her concern and worry had increased as she'd gotten to know him better. Where months ago, when they'd first become partners, she wouldn't have worried as much about Deeks being hurt, now his close calls caused an uncomfortable knotting of her stomach and a tight vise on her heart.

It was an unfamiliar feeling to her to be so uneasy about someone else's safety. She worried about Sam and Callen when they were injured. But it didn't make her react as irrationally as she wanted to and nearly did when Deeks was hurt. And truth be told, she really didn't know what that meant. And that thought was nearly as scary.

She was saved from having to think too much about the irrationality of her reaction when the paramedics moved Deeks to a stretcher and prepared him for transport in an ambulance. Moving quickly out from under Sam's arm she pushed through the paramedics, determined to ride with him to the hospital. Before she could even see him she heard him saying her name, his voice a little slurred but insistent.

And later, when Kensi had some time to herself she would think about what it did to her to hear him intently focused on her even when he was painfully disoriented. In the meantime she could try and ignore how her stomach flipped with worry and something close to awe. It had been a long time since anyone really needed her. And even if he would probably never admit it when he was sober and not suffering a head injury, Kensi knew he needed her then.

And so she shoved her way to his side, sliding her palm over to rest on his chest, trying to calm the slight struggling of his body. His eyes snapped open and instantly turned relieved as they settled on her. And his desperate movements quieted under her hand.

"I'm riding with him."

Her voice barred any argument and Kensi followed the gurney to the ambulance, only taking her hand away from touching him briefly as they loaded him in and she climbed inside to sit next to the gurney.

It wasn't the first time she'd ridden in the back of an ambulance. And it never failed to amaze her how even when ambulances turned on their sirens that inside it was a little like being in a sound proof room. The squawk of the dispatch radio was a distant murmur and Kensi easily blocked out the muffled sounds of traffic outside. The paramedic in the back with her and Deeks was efficiently taking vitals and inserting an I.V., as well as applying bandages where needed.

But Kensi kept her gaze on Deeks, finding herself unable to look away from his tired eyes. And when she saw him fighting the pain and fighting how exhausted he clearly was she felt the tears welling again and somehow managed to push them down and away. The last thing she wanted was for him to see her cry.

When they finally arrived at the hospital and Deeks was taken into an examination room Kensi quickly followed. It only took a few minutes for the paramedics to get him settled and transfer him over to the hospital's care and then they were gone. Almost immediately an ER doctor entered the curtained off area, glancing quickly at the paperwork the paramedics had left behind and then her eyes swept the room, taking in Kensi and then Deeks on the gurney.

"Looks like you sustained a pretty nasty head injury, Detective Deeks. How about we try to get you sitting up so I can get a closer look?"

Kensi hovered with worry at the side as a nurse came in to help the doctor with lowering the gurney rails and raising the back so Deeks could sit upright and turn towards the doctor. The doctor ran through a series of tests of his reflexes, checking his pupils and then carefully examining his neck and skull with her hands for obvious signs of fracture.

"What day is it, Detective Deeks?"

"Monday. November 14, 2011."

"Excellent. And your full name and birth date?"

"Martin Aaron Deeks. January 8, 1979."

"Good. And your friend here, what's her name?"

Kensi watched as Deeks eyes rested on her, again that warm smile that made her stomach flip gracing his face.

"Kensi Marie Blye."

Kensi smiled back at Deeks but then cast her worried eyes to the doctor who continued examining Deeks through her questions and then she began making notes on his chart, finally looking up at them. Kensi moved next to Deeks, resting her hip against the gurney.

"Truthfully you look okay. I'm going to have someone come in here and clean up that head injury and put in some stitches. You've got a concussion but I'm not too worried. And I think we'll do a quick CT scan and as long as that's clean you can head home, provided you have someone to stay with you at least for the afternoon and evening?"

Deeks frowned and opened his mouth but Kensi was quick to interject.

"Yes, I'll be with him."

The doctor nodded and then made a final note before leaving. Kensi watched her go, and then turned back to Deeks, giving him a pointed smile. She tried to ignore the examining look he was giving her. And a huge part of her was relieved when his expression relaxed to a teasing and confident look she knew all too well.

"You just can't bear to be parted from me, can you?"

Kensi sighed dramatically and crossed her arms over her chest.

"If you'd rather I'm sure I could convince Sam or Callen to take care of you. Then you'll really find out what tough love is all about."

The arrival of a nurse to clean and stitch his head injury saved Deeks from having to respond and Kensi sat down in a nearby chair resting her chin on her hand as she watched Deeks flirt good-naturedly with the nurse. She smiled softly to herself, thinking it was like he had a flirting switch he was incapable of turning off. Before she realized it, she felt the adrenaline beginning to fade from her system and her eyes began to droop.

Next thing Kensi knew, a gentle hand on her shoulder shook her awake and she stared into the eyes of a kind looking nurse.

"Ms. Blye?"

Rubbing her eyes quickly Kensi scanned the area, immediately noticing that Deeks was gone. She stood quickly, glanced at her watch and was worried to see she'd fallen asleep for nearly an hour.

"Where did—"

"They took your friend in for his CT scan. He should be back soon. But he mentioned you had some cuts on your hands that might need cleaning and bandaging?"

Kensi sighed in relief and then stared down at her hands, finally remembering the sting of the cuts. They were covered in dirt and grime from when she'd crawled under the cars. She hadn't realized Deeks even noticed.

Nodding slowly she allowed the nurse to clean the cuts, which looked much better once all the dirt was gone, and apply some ointment and bandages. The nurse was just finishing when another nurse wheeled Deeks back in, followed closely by the ER doctor, who was examining his chart.

Kensi was relieved to see that the color seemed to have returned to his face and his eyes looked clearer. The stitches on the side of his face were barely visible at his hairline though a few scratches covered his cheek and jaw. The doctor looked up and smiled at them both as she snapped the chart closed.

"Everything looks good, Detective Deeks. Let's get you discharged and on your way home. Some pain is going to be normal for a few days. But keep an eye on headaches, any loss of motor function or sensation, disorientation or severe pain."

Kensi saw Deeks nod lazily, as if this wasn't the first head injury he'd sustained. And before she realized what was happening, they were leaving the hospital, a nurse wheeling a very disgruntled Deeks out towards the curb as he insisted he could walk on his own. Just as she was about to hail a cab, Callen drove up in her Cadillac with Sam right behind him in his Challenger.

The two senior agents got out, Callen shooting Kensi another warning glance, which she managed not to grimace too strongly at. And out of the corner of her eye she noticed Deeks watching her so she tried to act as nonchalantly as possible. She knew Callen wasn't thrilled with her for hightailing it after Deeks. And Kensi didn't really have a good excuse so she decided to just ignore it for now. Callen was either feeling generous or didn't want to get into it with her right then because he merely tossed her the keys, then pointed at Deeks.

"On Hetty's orders you take him home and make sure he rests. Barring any further injuries we'll see you both in the morning. You can thank me and Sam for filling out the paperwork on this one."

Kensi smiled brightly and thanked them both, earning a put upon look from Sam for the paperwork load. And then Sam patted Callen on the shoulder and promised to buy the first round of drinks. Kensi watched the two senior agents get in Sam's car and drive away and then she turned to see that Deeks had already vacated the wheelchair and climbed into the passenger seat of the SUV. She exhaled in frustration, climbing in after him and shooting him a look of annoyance.

"What? You were taking too long."

She shook her head and started the car, turning them towards his side of town and away from an already tiring day.

And hours later, after getting Deeks settled at home, monitoring him for any signs of further or more serious injury, one pizza, two mundane action movies, and some ice cream later Kensi found herself still lingering at Deeks' apartment.

He was fine and she knew it. She could tell he was tired but he seemed loathe to end the evening, fighting to keep his eyes open as he sat next to her, Monty between them, on the couch. And she was reluctant, for reasons she couldn't or wouldn't name, to leave. But finally, when the night reached the point of edging on too late she stood, stretching her back and yawning.

And she didn't miss the slightly disappointed look that passed through Deeks' eyes, though she refused to think about it too much. Both his look and her immediate reaction of wanting to stay for a while longer. To stay for the night. Instead she gathered up her things and Deeks followed her to the door. There was a moment as they stood there that Kensi was sure he wanted to reach for her and a part of her wanted him to. He'd had a close call that day and she had the urge to hold him close, feel the warmth of his skin and the strong muscles of his back under her hands, just to reassure herself that he was okay. But there was another part of her, scared at what the might mean, that quickly backed away, calling off a hasty good night and retreating to her car.

Later when she was lying in bed unable to sleep she thought about what her reactions that day meant. And the only conclusion she was able to draw was that it still wasn't something she could think about, or wanted to think about. Besides, she reasoned, neither she nor Deeks was going anywhere. And some things were better left not discussed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Truth Be Told  
><strong>Author:<strong> Mel  
><strong>Rating:<strong> T for now, I'll note when it goes higher.  
><strong>SPOILERS:<strong> This assumes "Plan B" has happened and takes place in a future from there forward.  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> Still not mine. Somehow I don't think that's going to change. It will also come as no surprise that I'm not an expert on the intricacies of working undercover. Just keep that in mind and that it's all in good fun and this is fiction.  
><strong>Note:<strong> Thank you for all the alerts, favorites and reviews. If you actually take the time to review, an extra big thank you. It's extremely flattering to realize people are interested in this story. I hope it continues to hold your interest. And finally, thanks to **LisaG16**, from who I got the idea of adding a little bit extra to a scene in this chapter.

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><p>Truth be told, being an undercover cop wasn't nearly as exciting as most people thought.<p>

Ninety-eight percent of the time it was pretty boring. Deeks would spend weeks, even months and years, living the mundane life of whoever he was impersonating, establishing a background and a person to fit whatever situation the LAPD needed. Depending on the case it usually involved hanging out in clubs or shady bars, drinking heavily with criminals and occasionally putting himself in morally questionable positions he didn't like to remember the next day.

It was all about lulling suspects into a false sense of security and building their trust in his alias. Enough to allow him close, enough to allow him to gather the evidence needed to make the arrest. All that work usually culminated in an adrenaline rush of arrests and the occasional stand off but even those were something of a rarity. He'd seen more action when he'd been a beat cop in the beginning of his career with the LAPD. Before his penchant for lying and blending like a chameleon earned him the attention of those upstairs.

Marty Deeks had no illusions. Most cops saw him and other undercover operatives like him as a necessary evil. They were the risky ones. The ones who did their jobs so well it was hard to tell what side they were on. And there was a part of him that enjoyed keeping others on their toes, always guessing at his motivations. It came from years of practice at not letting anyone too close.

He wasn't lying when he told people he loved his job. As an LAPD undercover cop he loved the access it gave him to worlds he never would have had a chance to approach any other way. In its own way it was very freeing to be someone else. He could spin a story better than any bestselling author and watching people, especially bad people, take the bait was extremely satisfying. Especially if it brought down someone who had flaunted the law to the point that good and normal people suffered.

But there was the side to his job that wore at him and made him wish for a different career. Living the life of someone else for weeks and months on end made it difficult to remember who he was when the job was done. Sometimes he was juggling several aliases at once, which made his head a very crowded place to be. His life had often been a long series of undercover ops mixed with a week or two back as himself. Usually just long enough to do the paperwork and then he was gone again. Gone from his apartment, gone from the places he liked to visit, gone from the few friends he had, gone from the beach he liked to surf at, gone from the trappings of a life he hardly ever got to live.

And he coped with it knowing that what he did mattered. But it was a lonely life. His fellow police officers never wanted to get too close. For all his charm and success with women relationships were almost always short lived. It was hard to be considered reliable relationship material when he disappeared without contact for long periods of time. Not to mention never being able to be who he really was. Playing a cover as a lifestyle was never a permanent situation. But sometimes it felt like his life was just a series of covers. And because he didn't know any other way to be, he portrayed that life well. Carefree, worry free and not bothered by the loneliness.

Pretending had served him well for years. Being able to compartmentalize helped. Most days if he didn't think about it for very long he even managed to convince himself. That had all begun to shift when he assumed the identity of Jason Wyler and encountered the NCIS OSP team.

Rationally he knew that as an LAPD cop he'd done good. There was a long list of criminals he'd help put away. But the world that the NCIS agents worked in was so much bigger than anything he'd imagined. It had been Sam who told him that if the world heard about the horrible things they prevented from happening then they weren't doing their jobs right. Humble brag or not, it was true.

And in the fourteen months since he'd been officially named as Kensi's partner he saw what a difference they made. It was hard work with long hours and very little gratitude beyond a simple thank you passed down the chain of command. But it was about a million times more exciting than being an undercover cop.

Aside from the practically weekly shootouts and confrontations with dangerous criminals, and the occasional head concussion from getting nearly flattened by a car wreck, working with the NCIS team was about as fulfilling as anything he could imagine.

Prior to his assignment to NCIS he wouldn't have even needed the fingers on both his hands to count off the times he's shot someone in the line of duty. The times he'd had to had been pretty intense but they were few and far between. At NCIS it was a regular occurrence. And it was a necessary occurrence.

There was also the excitement of working with the NCIS team. He couldn't remember meeting people as focused or devoted to their work. And he recognized kindred souls in Sam, Callen and Kensi. Souls touched, damaged and strained from the rigors of undercover work. Strained and pulled to their breaking point but never breaking and always stronger in the end. Deeks admired that and couldn't help but be jealous of it at times. He didn't break under the strain but sometimes it felt like he was awfully close to caving in.

And he knew that most of the time he didn't even fully understand the implications of the cases they solved. Reasonably, in some cases the only person who really grasped all the nuances was Hetty. Years of working in a military setting had taught the others not to ask questions of their superiors, and Deeks was more than satisfied being in the dark along with them. He trusted the people he worked with to leave the knowledge and the answers in their hands.

The trust within the team was new as well. It had taken some time but he was pretty sure he was winning them over. Sam and Callen were hard to read but they had come to accept that he was there and was more than capable of watching their backs. For reasons he still couldn't fathom Hetty had trusted him virtually from the start. And it was that gift of her trust that made him unwilling to compromise it in any way.

And then there was Kensi. Her trust had been hard fought for and hard earned. And even though he was a confident guy under even the worst of circumstances, for months he'd wondered if he would be able to earn Kensi's trust. He recognized the baggage she carried as similar to his own and had vowed to himself from the start that he would be worthy of her trust, if she ever gave it to him.

He recognized the shields she had up, the defense mechanisms in place to keep others away. He used humor and nonchalance, she used seriousness and implacability. Even from the start he recognized that he could trust Kensi. It had still taken several months for him to actually take the step of trusting her but it had happened somehow without his even realizing it. And once he trusted her there was an innate need that he had for her to trust him in return.

It had become his private focal point, to prove himself to her, and when he finally realized he had her trust it had stunned him to realize he'd had it for months. The lines of their relationship were like those left by the ocean waves on the sand, ever changing as the tide came in and went out, erasing, overlapping and smoothing out with time.

Settling into life as part of the NCIS team had eventually become seamless. It had almost surprised him to feel the relief and almost physical weight lifting from his shoulders. Years of undercover work had been trying on his body and mind. But now his undercover missions were usually of shorter duration and he was never alone. At a minimum Kensi was by his side and the others were always nearby. And there was something in him that was gratified to know he was counted on as back up, that Kensi, Callen and Sam knew they could count on him to be there. It was a responsibility he gladly shouldered.

His previous missions had almost always been solo, with little to no contact with the trappings of his normal life. Calling the NCIS team's support like a family seemed at times too sentimental and at times perfect in it's description. Especially since his experience with families was extremely dysfunctional.

Deeks did love being a cop. It had been what defined him for so long that he couldn't imagine being anything else. But if he had to admit it, he loved working with NCIS more. He wouldn't trade it for anything, even though a part of his mind, the insistent and annoying part that he tried to ignore, kept trying to remind him there was very little permanence in what he was doing. Permanence was not something he'd ever had in his life. The only constant was change.

And that annoying and insistent part of his mind was proven right, more than a year after his first encounter with NCIS and the day after sustaining a concussion while giving chase to a suspect.

The week had started out simply enough, and really pretty mundane for them. No big cases, just a lot of paperwork backlog. Monday morning he'd spent filling out reports and forms until his eyes crossed, needing a moderate number of breaks in the day to keep his concentration focused. Kensi often rolled her eyes at his reasoning, that taking more frequent breaks helped him concentrate better, but he also noticed she never disagreed too strenuously when he suggested a run to the nearby Starbucks, a practice fight in the gym or a round of firing on the shooting range.

Sam and Callen could be single-mindedly focused on their paperwork and could only be rarely tempted away. But even as she grumbled and insulted his short attention span, Deeks could almost always pry Kensi away. That hadn't always been the case, but her defenses around him had lessened over time. And he'd be lying if he said he didn't get a fair amount of pride and pleasure from that. Getting behind Kensi's defenses was an accomplishment few could claim.

The afternoon had seen the team chasing down the would be terrorist and his stint at the hospital, followed up by an enjoyable evening camped out on his couch with Kensi and Monty. Even though she would never admit it, he knew she'd been worried about him. And that was one way he knew he had her trust. Kensi would put herself on the line to help almost anyone. But she kept her emotions close to her chest. The fact that she couldn't hide her concern for him told him he meant something to her more than she would willingly admit.

But on Tuesday, whatever plans he'd had for recovering from his injury that week and his plans for the next few months were re-shuffled outside of his control.

On his way into work he'd stopped by one of the many coffee shops he now frequented, thanks to a carefully managed disorganized schedule thanks to his shooting, and picked up coffee for the team. It was a small consolation for all the paperwork Sam and Callen had likely had to fill out thanks to his injury and subsequently ordered home rest, but he knew it would be a welcome peace offering. And when he finished off the coffee order with what he knew was Kensi's favorite blended drink he didn't examine it too closely.

And he refused to acknowledge the curious rapid beat of his heart as Kensi approached him with a warm smile, taking the drink he offered with a murmur of gratitude. The warmth in her eyes was different than the usual annoyance and slight exasperation.

Callen and Sam immediately began pouring the coffee, Sam ribbing Callen with a good natured tone about the sheer amount of sugar and cream he added to his cup. Deeks watched with a grin, turning as he saw Kensi approach out of the corner of his eye, offering him his choice from a box of donuts. He raised an eyebrow at her, then smiled after a quick glance affirmed she'd already made her choice, which sat on a plate at her desk. Kensi shrugged.

"You brought the coffee, I brought the donuts. I'd say something about 'great minds' but I don't want you to get any ideas," Kensi warned. Instead of rising to the challenge, Deeks merely chose a donut, taking a bite and watching the interplay between Callen and Sam and enjoying the feel of Kensi's hip against his where they leaned against his desk.

Her physical closeness surprised him. They worked side-by-side all the time, both figuratively and actually. And Deeks had long taken a certain amount of pleasure in breaching Kensi's carefully constructed personal space. She often put him in check with a sharp glance or a well placed shove, but even that had lessened over time. But she very rarely was the one to place herself within his personal space. He tried to ignore how much having her there pleased him.

Sam and Callen were still arguing when he turned with a cheerful smile on his face to Hetty who had approached from her desk, a serious expression on her face.

"Mr. Deeks, a word?"

Shooting a questioning glance at Kensi, which she returned with a shrug of one shoulder and raised eyebrows, he followed Hetty to her desk.

Kensi watched him go, curiosity making her strain to watch as Hetty began speaking to Deeks. She narrowed her eyes, trying to concentrate and lip read when Callen stepped in front of her, nodding his head to the side. Kensi immediately tensed, realizing he wanted to speak with her about her actions the previous day. Not wanting to delay the inevitable, she followed him away from the desks, trying to stand casually next to the couch as Callen studied her silently. Unable to quell the nervous movement, Kensi crossed her arms over her chest.

"You want to tell me what happened yesterday? What were you thinking, crawling into a multiple car pile up? I don't think I need to explain how dangerous that was."

"I was thinking, Callen. I knew Deeks was in there. And I thought he could be hurt and I could help him. That's what partners do, isn't it?" Kensi asked, honestly confused by Callen's questioning. She knew he wouldn't be happy with her actions but she couldn't see how she'd been wrong. Deeks had needed her and she could help. That was the end of the story as far as she was concerned.

"Yeah, it is. But not at the expense of your own safety. It was foolish of you to put yourself in harm's way like that. He might have been just fine until the paramedics got to him."

Kensi shook her head stubbornly. "And he might not have been. You didn't see all the blood, Callen. I couldn't just stand to the side and wait. And I know if it had been me in there Deeks would have been the first person to try and get to me. Could you have just patiently waited on the sidelines? If it were Sam?"

Callen was silent for a moment and Kensi knew she'd struck a nerve. His grudging smile confirmed her thought.

"Probably not. But I need you to think before you leap. It's good that you and Deeks are finally getting along as partners. It's clear he trusts you and you trust him. And I know that doesn't come easy to either of you."

Kensi involuntarily glanced at Deeks, still talking with Hetty and nodded slowly. "No it doesn't." She murmured, surprised at Callen's observations. And that he'd noticed the trust building between her and Deeks. She was still surprised that such an unexpected link between them had managed to form. He was the last person in the world she would have thought would work as her partner. But despite the odds they did work.

"But keep in mind that the team needs you. Both of you. Preferably intact."

Kensi smiled slightly at Callen's words and nodded in agreement. She glanced again towards Deeks, wondering at the line of tension she saw in the muscles of his shoulders, her brow furrowing as she wondered what Hetty was telling him.

* * *

><p>Deeks followed Hetty to her desk, sitting in one of the chairs facing her and bracing his elbows on his knees so he could lean forward. His neck started to tingle uncomfortably as Hetty took a few moments to flip through a file on her desk before she raised her eyes to his.<p>

"Mr. Deeks, you have done exemplary work here over the last year."

"Uh, thank you?"

"I don't want you to think that what I'm about to say next is a reflection of your performance. If I had my way you wouldn't be put in this position."

"Then why do I feel like I'm about to be fired?"

Hetty smiled slightly, her face tinged with a little sadness.

"It's because of your excellent record that the LAPD and FBI have need of your services."

Deeks felt his stomach drop as her words sunk in. Another undercover operation. Without a conscious thought, his eyes flew to Kensi, watching her chew on the straw of the blended coffee drink he'd brought her. He resisted the urge to try and physically rub away the dull ache suddenly pulsing over his heart.

Finally bringing his gaze back to Hetty he voiced the most important question he needed answered.

"How long?"

Hetty studied him carefully, seeming to weigh her words before she spoke.

"Uncertain at this time. A detective from your office is arriving in an hour to brief you. I'm sure he can answer all your questions."

Deeks looked down at his hands, trying to reconcile the roiling of his stomach. He was trying to get a handle on the feelings tumbling through his head and failing miserably. He hadn't realized until that instant how accustomed and attached he'd grown to NCIS. The threat of that all changing was practically throwing him into a full scale panic attack. Taking a deep breath and focusing on Hetty's words he finally met her gaze again, his confusion finally seeping through.

"A detective is coming here? Why am I not reporting back to the LAPD for briefing and prep? And did you say FBI?"

"The detective will explain how the FBI is involved. I asked Captain Scott if we might assist with backstopping your alias and technical support of the operation. He generously allowed the interference."

Deeks rubbed a hand over his jaw, feeling oddly embarrassed and touched.

"Isn't that a bit outside of the NCIS mission?"

Hetty simply smiled in the way that often made him think she could read his mind.

"In the strictest sense of the word, perhaps. But we take care of our own, Mr. Deeks."

Touched beyond his ability to speak he nodded, not even realizing his gaze had shifted back to watching Kensi and Callen deep in discussion about something until Hetty's voice brought his attention back to her.

"The detective will arrive shortly. Might I suggest that you inform Ms. Blye of your upcoming assignment?" Hetty asked gently. Running a hand through already disheveled hair, he exhaled slowly.

"What do I tell her?" Deeks muttered to himself, unable to keep the uncertainty from his voice. Hetty answered, her tone indicating she was as aware as he that this assignment would upset the team in many ways, but perhaps Kensi the most.

"You may tell her your duty lies elsewhere for a time. You will not be replaced while you are gone. And I hope to be able to offer you status as a permanent agent upon your return to us."

Deeks snapped his eyes to Hetty, stunned by her words. He was well aware she didn't make statements or promises lightly. Becoming an NCIS agent was more than he ever could have expected. For awhile he'd wondered if it was really what he wanted. Being a cop was who he had been for so long. But feeling the elation in his chest he innately understood that being an NCIS agent was something he wanted. It would make this, his place on the team and as Kensi's partner, permanent. Any apprehension he had about leaving the LAPD dissolved. Knowing what he would come back to might just make getting through this last undercover operation with the LAPD bearable.

Being a cop, working as a detective with the LAPD, it had become comfortable. Too comfortable. He was good at it, despite the occasional contrary opinion of his fellow police officers. And he was proud of being good at something. But it also felt stagnant.

Working with NCIS was challenging. It left him uncertain and unsettled at times. But he learned more, he had to work harder, and the rewards were infinitely greater. To try and aspire to be a great NCIS agent felt like a struggle worth the attempt to accomplish.

Nodding his thanks because he was afraid of what he might say, Deeks stood and returned to the bullpen of desks where Sam was busily working away. Callen and Kensi were standing off to the side by the couch, having what looked like a serious conversation. Normally Deeks wouldn't have interrupted, but what he had to say couldn't wait. Ignoring the curious glances from Sam, he immediately approached Callen and Kensi. She glanced at Callen, seemingly trying to finish off the conversation she'd been having with the senior agent.

"Are we good?"

Callen nodded cautiously, his piercing eyes fixed on Kensi's face. "Yeah, we're good. Just keep what I said in mind."

Kensi nodded vigorously, then turned to Deeks as he approached and Callen returned to his desk, her expression teasing.

"Did Hetty find the stains on your suit jacket from last week's mission?"

Normally Deeks would have had a ready retort about how the only reason he'd gotten the red wine stain on the jacket was because Kensi had spilled her glass of wine on him to sell her cover as his drunken date but he couldn't quite muster up the humor. Noticing the seriousness of his expression, Kensi's expression changed to one of concern.

Nodding his head away from the bullpen in a silent suggestion Kensi quickly nodded, following him towards the gym. Mercifully, the gym was empty when they entered it and he stopped under the basketball hoop, turning to face Kensi with a deep breath.

For an instant he was startled by the expression on her face. There was a mixture of fear, concern and caring there that he wasn't used to seeing so nakedly in her eyes. But in a flash it was tucked away and her face was decidedly serious and free of emotion. But he knew better, he'd seen it. And even if Kensi could school her facial features, he could still read her eyes.

"It's not by my choice but the LAPD needs me for an undercover op. I don't know how long it's supposed to last. I don't even know the mission. A detective is going to be here soon to brief me."

As he spoke he watched Kensi's face, looking for any sign of emotion. Her face was placid, almost as if he were telling her the weather forecast. But he could see the tightening around her eyes, the way she suddenly blinked furiously and the almost resigned look that passed through her eyes. Anyone else, and even a few months earlier, he would have questioned what he saw. But he knew her. Just as he knew that she wasn't going to want him to push her into admitting she might be upset at his leaving.

"I see. Did Hetty say anything about your replacement?"

Deeks tried to ignore the returning ache over his heart at hearing Kensi's question stated so matter-of-fact.

"She said I wouldn't be replaced while I'm gone—"

Kensi interrupted him before he could continue and tell her the rest, waving a hand dismissively.

"I'm sure it doesn't matter. Callen, Sam and I can manage just fine. We did before."

_Without you._

Deeks recognized the sharp words and the unsaid words for what they were. And he tried not to let them cut as deep as they did. He knew Kensi's method of coping was to push away and if necessary, hurt the person she was trying to push away so they wouldn't dare come back and harm her further or make her feel what she didn't want to. He knew all that and it still hurt. He knew all that and knew he should be the bigger person and try to explain but he just couldn't.

There were days when he felt like they'd come so far together as partners. Days like yesterday when she'd literally crawled over broken glass and twisted metal to be by his side. They were partners, always able to count on each other. And certainly something a little more. At a minimum they were also friends. And there was a long simmering tension between them neither of them wanted to name. But then there were times like right at that moment when Deeks was practically slapped in the face with Kensi's defensive reactions that he questioned whether she really trusted him or not.

Knowing he had months of an undercover op to prepare for, knowing he would miss Sam and Callen, Hetty, Eric and Nell, and especially Kensi, and it was hard for him rationalize her reaction. It was like she couldn't be bothered to pretend she cared. On top of knowing he would have to give up on a life he'd come to love and enjoy, he couldn't deal with her baggage on top of his own. Not at that moment anyway.

"Yeah, it's not like you really need me around getting in the way. I'm going to start working on tying up my paperwork by the end of the day and I need to be ready when the detective arrives."

And feeling the anger churning in his stomach he knew he needed to get away from Kensi. Knew he couldn't look in her eyes and knew he couldn't pretend to go along with the game of letting her push him away. So instead he took the coward's way out and pushed himself away, turning on his heel and leaving her in the gym without a backward glance.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **Truth Be Told**  
><strong>**Author: **Mel**  
><strong>**Rating:** T for now, I'll note when it goes higher.**  
><strong>**SPOILERS: **This assumes "Plan B" has happened and takes place in a future from there forward.**  
><strong>**Disclaimer: **Still not mine. Somehow I don't think that's going to change. I'll be taking some pretty generous liberties with situations and descriptions relating to crimes such as bank robberies and the protocol involved with working for the LAPD and FBI. I do a little research and try and make things sound believable but certain things are told as they are for dramatic or plot purposes. And yes, this is where you'll probably recognize a certain movie plot. I work for the government and that's where I learned it's okay to steal ideas shamelessly, as long as you give credit. See note at the end for said credit.  
><strong>Note: <strong>I am truly astonished by all the alerts, favorites and reviews. When I started writing this story I was writing it for fun without the intention of sharing it. But the response has been so incredibly supportive and kind so thank you for that. I'm writing probably about 10 chapters ahead of this so rest assured there is an overall planned plot and resolution. Your reviews are fantastic encouragement so thank you so much for taking the time to give them!

* * *

><p>Kensi swallowed passed the dry lump in her throat as she watched Deeks leave the gym, his straightened spine and the tense set of his shoulder muscles giving away his anger. He almost never walked with anything but a confident swagger and she knew instantly that she'd reacted badly.<p>

Remembering her words she immediately regretted what she'd said. But it had been instinctive, to hide her feelings and protect against hurt. And she knew it would hurt for Deeks to leave. As much as she wanted to reach out to him because she'd seen it written all over his face that he was hurting too, she just didn't know how.

That uncertainty of how to provide support beyond the simple and easy ways, beyond a pat on the back or an empathetic smile, to provide comfort as a friend, breached the normal confines of who they were. It had become the comfortable, albeit ultimately unsatisfying, cadence to their partnership and their relationship. Not that she would ever dare to utter the word "relationship" around Deeks again. Even though that's what it was since it was so far beyond simply a partnership. But there was safety in denial.

She was well aware that her method at dealing with strong emotions was to push the source of the emotion away. With Deeks it was an unfair but easy thing to do. Because she'd known early on that he was a good, solid and loyal man. And that he cared for her on some level and would always come back, even when she treated him as less than he deserved. She wasn't proud of it but years of behavior patterns were hard to change overnight. Even when deep down she wished she could.

And now, with him leaving her once again, Kensi fought the overwhelming urge to hit the wall. It always seemed like she was left behind. Even with Callen and Sam, her fellow agents. They were so in tune with one another that it was impossible for anyone else to fit in with them wholly. And for a while she'd begun to think she had that with Deeks.

They couldn't help but rub each other in opposite directions but it worked for them. And she knew that no matter what he would be there for her. She hadn't understood the depth of her trust in him until the afternoon she spent standing in a room surrounded by lasers. Even though she had been scared out of her mind she had known with every beat of her heart that he would come for her. That realization, which hadn't held even an ounce of doubt, had startled her but it had given her a place to focus her energy.

And day-by-day they were learning to work together and seeing the affect they each had on the other. Since he'd been shot Deeks had become more serious about his safety and his place on the team. His deep regard for the work they did, when it wasn't even really his specific career choice, was obvious in every move he made and every report he filed. Kensi had been surprised at how meticulous he was at filling out reports. That was something they shared in common.

And she felt different with him around. His humor, while occasionally irreverent and juvenile, often made her laugh or brought an unbidden smile to her face. Her life experiences had made humor something she had a hard time feeling. Deeks somehow effortlessly brought that out in her. And he never, ever marginalized her. Deeks had a protective streak like any other man with a female partner would. But he still managed not to make her feel inferior.

Feeling close to tears at the thought of him leaving and hating the swell of emotion rising in her that she didn't know what to do with, Kensi quickly turned away when she heard footsteps coming into the gym. The light sound and short stride told her it was Hetty.

"Are you alright, Ms. Blye?"

Hetty's voice was professionally tinged with concern but even Kensi could hear the worry in her tone. And she tried to react without emotion. But control of strong emotional reactions had never been her strong suit. Deeks could let most things roll off his back. But Kensi was more like a volcano waiting to explode.

She whirled around to face Hetty, fighting to keep her emotions in check by folding her arms over her chest while Hetty simply stood, her hands clasped in front of her.

"Why does the LAPD need him for this mission? Isn't there something you could have done? We need him here, it isn't—"

_Fair._

Kensi managed to stop herself, biting her lower lip to do so. Playing the petulant child wasn't going to help. And no matter how much leeway Hetty gave her agents, Kensi did not want to lose her respect.

"As you know, Detective Deeks is still a detective with the LAPD. I have no jurisdiction over his long-term work assignments at this time. Point of fact, I did argue for keeping him in place here but was told his specific skills are needed for this mission. And as I'm sure you're aware, Mr. Deeks would never shirk his duty. Nor should we expect him to."

Immediately chagrined, Kensi bowed her head and nodded, leaning her back against the padded gym wall. And she felt guilty at her reaction to Deeks. She'd made him feel unimportant when she should have supported him. He was nothing if not honorable and dependable. As one of the few men she'd known in her life that fit that description he deserved better. And all she'd done was reject him.

"You're right, of course. I reacted badly. I haven't had much success with partners and as much as he grates on me at times, we, well, we—"

"You fit together."

Surprised at Hetty's ability to pinpoint it so easily, Kensi could do nothing but nod.

Hetty gave her a gentle smile and moved to lean on the wall next to her.

"It's why I chose him, my dear."

Even though Kensi thought she'd learned never to be surprised by anything Hetty said, she lifted her head in shock and stared at Hetty, processing her words.

"You chose him? When?"

"I have my sources in the LAPD. I first heard of Detective Deeks almost three years ago. I kept tabs on him for a while and then when Mr. Vail disappeared I knew I would need another agent, regardless of whether or not he returned to us safely. I was working on procuring Detective Deeks when our investigation led us to him via Jason Wyler. It was a convenient coincidence, serendipity you might say."

Hetty's smile faded as she continued.

"But then Mr. Deeks was needed again by the LAPD and Mr. Vail was killed. But I am a patient woman, Ms. Blye. I knew things would work out and they did. Just as I knew you and Mr. Deeks would be ideal partners."

Kensi exhaled a sigh, shaking her head with frustration.

"I'm not sure that it matters, not if the LAPD can continue to yank him back any time they need him for an undercover op."

Hetty looked at her strangely and Kensi shrugged self-consciously, not understanding how what she'd said sounded off.

"Didn't Mr. Deeks tell you about his assignment?"

"Just that he was going undercover again and he didn't know for how long but you'd said he wouldn't be replaced."

"He didn't mention that this will be his last operation with the LAPD and that I intend to make him an official NCIS agent upon his return?"

Kensi's eyes widened in surprised happiness, her dark eyes searching Hetty's face for any sign of a joke.

"No! He didn't mention that, I didn't—"

_I didn't give him the chance to._

Kensi felt her heart plummet somewhere in the vicinity of her stomach and she stared off through the doorway back to the bullpen, back to their desks where she knew Deeks would be. He'd been trying to tell her. And she hadn't let him.

"It isn't set in stone, but rarely are these kinds of things until the paperwork is processed. I was probably a month away from being able to officially offer Mr. Deeks a position as an NCIS agent when I got the call about his new assignment. Since I do not have the position to officially offer I can't veto his assignment back to the LAPD. But rest assured, Ms. Blye, his return will be to a permanent position, if he wants it."

Kensi nodded numbly as Hetty gave her one more knowing smile before she turned and left. Kensi let her head fall back and rest against the wall, trying to put a name to her feelings. Relief, hope, anger, fear, but ultimately elation. It was sobering to attach all those feelings to one person and to a man she hadn't even known a two years earlier. But he was her partner. And he would be her partner officially. She wouldn't even attach words like "forever" to the thought. Forever wasn't a concept people in her line of work ascribed to. There was really only "for now."

But he would be her partner. And even though it fought against most of her instincts to show much emotion to anyone, let alone someone like Deeks who could hurt her so easily, she knew she had to patch things up with him before he left. And she needed him to know she supported him.

Pushing against the wall, Kensi walked purposefully back to the bullpen, determined to speak with Deeks. And she stopped short when she realized no one was there. Immediately she realized they were probably up in Ops, getting the briefing from the LAPD detective. Climbing the stairs two at a time she entered the room and quietly slipped to the back, unseen by anyone but Hetty. Everyone else was focused on the screens ahead and the detective who spoke to the group.

"Even in the current technologic age there are still a few criminals who insist on using armed bank robberies as their stock and trade. In a joint task force the FBI and LAPD have been following one particular group for over a year. We think we know who they are but we haven't been able to positively identify them or catch them in the act. They're savvy enough with the current banking security systems that they have been moderately successfully, hitting six banks in the last year and netting almost $1.7 million in cash which we have not been able to trace."

Kensi's eyes flicked from the screen, which showed security footage from a bank where masked gunmen were quickly and efficiently securing a bank filled with civilians, to Deeks. He stood ten feet away and she was out of his line of sight and yet Kensi felt like she should be standing at his side. Her eyes drifted over the tense set of his shoulders and his stance, where he was solidly and fully tuned into what the detective was saying.

"They've been smart enough that they only go for the easily available cash in the bank. They hit the drawers and one member of the crew has enough ability that they've managed to hack the internal security systems to gain access to the vaults, which have the higher payday. We think that same person has enough computer hacking skills that they have been able to scope out banks and surveillance enough to successfully plan their heists."

The detective looked slightly weary as he ran through the situation. "Our attempts at capture haven't been successful. Surveillance hasn't given us anything. We think they know we're listening. The FBI has grown tired and frustrated by their lack of success and while the LAPD has been assisting and trying to uncover some leads, we're at a dead end. An undercover operation is the only option right now. Somehow through the agency grapevine the FBI became aware that the LAPD has an undercover detective with the right skills already working with another federal agency as a liaison. And Deeks, you are uniquely qualified to infiltrate this group."

The detective nodded to Nell, who brought up a series of photos of surfers at the beach.

"Wait a second, I know this movie—"

Callen's voice broke the tension in the room and the detective grinned wryly.

"Believe me, no one in the department or at the FBI is unaware of the irony of bank robbers who surf. Not only do these guys seem to spend most of their time surfing at Venice Beach, but they are stereotypical lazy southern California beach bums. Deeks will fit in perfectly."

Kensi felt her hackles rise instantly and saw Sam straightening up from his relaxed position leaning on the center console. In fact, looking around the room Kensi saw every agent, as well as Hetty, Nell and Eric all reacting silently in defense of Deeks. A part of Kensi swelled with pride for the team. She knew Deeks felt like the odd person out most of the time. But the automatic and instinctive reaction they'd all had to defend him didn't come from being on the outside. It came from being accepted. They protected their own.

The detective seemed to notice the sudden chill in the room and the stormy expressions. And Kensi knew Sam could look very imposing when he made the effort, and sometimes even when he didn't.

"Sorry man, I didn't mean—"

Deeks waved the apology away, though he gave a self-deprecating grin to everyone around the room. He waved a hand around his head, referring to the shaggy blonde hair and beard.

"Nah, that's ok. I do this on purpose for reasons just like this."

Deeks glanced around the room, the humor in his eyes dissipating the tension with each person he looked at. Kensi forced herself not to hide from his gaze as it drifted over her and abruptly stopped. The detective continued speaking but Kensi held Deeks' eyes, dark blue in the shadows of the Ops Center, with hers. And even though there was so much she couldn't say, didn't know if she'd ever be able to say, she tried to tell him with her eyes.

That she would miss him. That he was important to her. That she supported him. That she, and the team, wouldn't be just fine without him. That she would have his back. No matter what.

Eric could have blared an air horn in the room and their locked gazes wouldn't have wavered. Kensi saw the widening of Deeks' eyes as he read her expression as easily as only he could, then she took in the slight smile on his face that caused his eyes to crinkle at the corners. And she noticed his stance relaxing, his body leaning back against the center console, his arms bracing on either side, elbows bent slightly. His eyes flicked from her to the spot next to him in a silent invitation and Kensi began moving quietly and stealthily to his side at almost the same moment.

Trying to ignore the loud beat of her heart, Kensi came to a stop next to Deeks, finally at the place she was meant to be. The other detective, who had been looking back at the screen, turned around and startled a little to see Kensi suddenly next to Deeks, her posture mimicking her partner's as he leaned back against the console, her arms crossed and one of his behind her on the table. Their physical closeness couldn't be mistaken for completely casual. Kensi ignored how her stomach flipped at the implications.

With a questioning glance, the detective looked to Deeks, who made the introductions.

"Kensi, this is Detective Matt Benson. Matt, meet Agent Kensi Blye, my partner."

Kensi shook the detective's hand, giving him a guarded smile. Benson looked between Deeks and Kensi, seemingly trying to gauge their relationship. After exchanging pleasantries Benson returned to the screens.

"As I was saying, we have three suspects we've been monitoring. They are quite adept at losing us when we follow them away from their normal stomping grounds around Venice. And other than hitting high-end banks in southern California with a lot of money we haven't been able to discern a pattern to the jobs they have chosen. We want Deeks to go in and try and infiltrate the group. We think they might be looking for a fourth member of their team, someone who knows about high-end bank security and computer systems. Deeks spent two years working in Robbery Division and is uniquely qualified. Their last job was a considerable step up in trying to breach the security defenses of the bank. They weren't successful at hacking the system that tracks information on the safety deposit boxes though they did try. We think they want the bank electronic records to try and steal from the safety deposit boxes but those systems are just a little too sophisticated for them."

"Why not just bring these guys in if you know who they are?" Sam asked gruffly, clearly not impressed with the FBI and LAPD tactics.

"We've thought about it. But they're already aware of us watching them. We think if we bring them in we don't have enough to hold them, they'll lawyer up, get released and they'll split. And we want to catch them in the act. And perhaps more importantly, the mayor wants us to catch them."

"Politics."

"As you well know Mr. Hanna, politics is the name of the game in most jobs, this one as well as in the LAPD."

Deeks laughed a little under his breath at Hetty's admonishment of her agent and he glanced at Kensi, seeing the smile in her reaction as well.

"They've been careful to conceal their identities during the robberies. No visible identifying marks. No one sees their faces, their hair color, even their eyes since they wear goggles. And they have yet to hurt anyone during a robbery. They are quick and efficient, in and out in under six minutes. They almost always pick rush hour for their robberies because the police can never get there in time but they have always managed to get away clean."

"Where's the cash going?" Kensi asked, latching on to what Benson had said earlier about it being untraceable.

"We think they've got some deal with one of the Mexican drug cartels. The cartel gets a cut for getting the money out of the country and then back in. We have very few leads on that, but it makes the case infinitely more difficult having the international drug trade involved. We want to start at the source, cut off the bank robberies. We've been working this jointly with the FBI but they're allowing us to take point on the undercover operation. And if we can prove the money is crossing national borders it becomes an even bigger Federal case."

Kensi chewed her lip, then gestured to the photo of the suspects on the beach. "You said Venice Beach? Are you sure that's a good idea? Deeks surfs and people might know him."

"I haven't surfed Venice Beach for years, not since I was a kid. Usually too many people and the break isn't as good as in Malibu," Deeks replied off hand, watching as Kensi's eyes clouded with concern.

"But you've been there before. Someone could recognize you."

Kensi stubbornly hung on, her words statements, not questions. Ignoring the room full of people Deeks reached up and squeezed her upper arm gently, his hand lingering for a few seconds.

"It's okay, Kensi. This isn't my first time at the rodeo. Other than you guys and LAPD there are very few people out in the world who even know I'm a cop. The risk of me being recognized is very low."

"Low, but not certain."

Deeks flashed her a wry smile. "Kens, you know nothing is ever certain when it comes to undercover ops."

His use of her shortened name, one he didn't use often, seemed to soften and sway her. Reluctantly she nodded and Deeks turned back to Benson, for all intents and purposes giving the impression that Kensi's approval had been needed to continue. And in many ways, those in the room who knew them were well aware that to Deeks it had been a requirement.

"So what's my alias?"

At Deeks' question Benson turned to Eric, who hit several keys on his pad, bringing up pages of a history and new identify for Deeks. Kensi's eyes swept over the driver's license and her eyes widened.

"Wait, you're sending him in under his own name?"

Kensi's voice was accusatory and angry as she straightened up, taking a step towards the detective. Only Deeks' hand, a warm touch on her lower back, caused her to pause.

"Kensi, it's ok—"

She whirled towards Deeks, ready to chew him out.

"No, it's not ok! You should never go in under your own name. That's one of the first rules of covert operations. Callen, Sam, back me up here."

At the silence that followed her angry words she looked around at her teammates for support. They looked sympathetic but not a word was spoken. Deeks brought her attention back to him with a hand on her upper arm, turning her back towards the screen.

"It's just my first name, Kens. And it was my idea."

Unable to stop the crushing worry threatening to weigh her down, she looked at Deeks helplessly.

"But why?"

Her soft words were spoken only loud enough that Deeks heard them and she read the discomfort in his eyes. And suddenly he couldn't look at her and she felt the lead weight of cold dread settling in her stomach at whatever it was he was afraid to tell her.

"Because this undercover operation could last a very long time. And the easier it is for Deeks to maintain his cover and be in tune with who he is, the better it is for him as a detective and a person."

Kensi struggled against Benson's words. _A very long time._ She was determined not to break under the words, determined not to let anyone see she was upset. She should have known she would never succeed when it came to Deeks.

"How long?"

Woodenly she spoke, her question directed at Benson but her eyes fixed on Deeks. And she saw the regret and unhappiness in his eyes as they were locked on hers. His voice when he spoke mirrored the emotions in his eyes. "We think at least six months. Maybe a year."

Kensi felt the blood rushing from her face and before she knew it she was speeding out of Ops, her feet taking her away. Because even though in any given physical situation she would always stand her ground and fight, it was the emotional situations that caused her to flee.

* * *

><p>Even though he told himself to concentrate on the mission, to focus on not displaying his emotions, Deeks couldn't stop himself from turning away from the mission briefing and moving towards the doorway Kensi had just passed through. Only Callen's hand on his shoulder caused him to pause. He shook the weight off, only to come face to face with Sam's formidable figure, blocking his movement.<p>

"I'll go talk to her."

Deeks narrowed his eyes and shook his head. "No way, man."

"Deeks—"

Turning sharply towards Callen's warning he shot the senior agent what he hoped was an inarguable gaze. "Look, she's my partner. I'll handle this."

"We've known her longer, we'll take care of it."

_We'll take care of her._

Deeks heard the implication in Sam's words. He knew Sam and Callen were just looking out for Kensi. And in an odd way they were even looking out for him, knowing that he was about to go deep undercover and needed to concentrate on the mission. And while he knew both men understood the situation, at least on the surface, he didn't like the implication that Kensi didn't need him.

"You've known her longer, doesn't mean you know her better. Get out of my way, Sam."

His voice was as unyielding as steel and Deeks thought he saw something pass through Sam's eyes, something close to respect, as he stepped aside and allowed Deeks to pass. As he left Ops he heard Hetty calling for a thirty-minute break but he barely gave that a second thought. Finding Kensi was the only thing on his mind.

He'd barely begun to process the looks they'd shared during the mission briefing and then the bomb about how long he might be gone for had blown everything up. It had shocked him how unguarded and open her eyes had been when he'd met them across the room moments before. It wasn't exactly normal for them but it definitely wasn't an unwelcome change, not in his eyes.

Kensi was a guarded and serious woman on any average day. She rarely let anyone close and it was always on her terms. But somehow they'd gone from their argument in the gym earlier that morning to her opening up to him in ways he wouldn't have believed a few months ago. It was a heady feeling and he wasn't even sure what it all meant.

The only thing he was sure of was that he had to find her. And after a quick circle of the bullpen confirmed that her bag was still in place at her desk he went where he knew she probably was. She wouldn't stay within OSP where someone might come across her but she wouldn't leave altogether.

Approaching her car in the parking area he snuck up along the passenger side, opening the door and slipping into the car before Kensi could lock the door. He sat silently, watching her out of the corner of his eye though he kept his gaze trained straight ahead. She was turned away from him, almost curled up against the driver's side door. It wasn't her refusal to look at him that bothered him. It was the uncharacteristic sniffling and how she swiped angrily at her eyes.

He had never been a man able to handle a woman crying. A childhood watching his mother constantly in tears made him abhor the sight. Somehow it was worse coming from someone who was strong like Kensi and didn't allow herself to be seen crying. By anyone. Later he might be able to feel a little pleased that he was important enough to her that she would cry over him. But at that moment all he wanted to do was make it stop and make her unhappiness go away.

"Kensi."

His quiet voicing of her name caused her to still and then shift so she sat facing forward. He risked a glance at her face, the redness around her eyes, the sadness furrowing her brow and the droop of her shoulders nearly undoing him. Furiously he tried to think of some way to lighten the mood, to make her smile. But his usual ability to bounce back with a joke failed him.

"I'm sorry."

Startled at her soft words he looked over, finally meeting her eyes. They were dry now, but the sadness still poured out. It was almost disconcerting, being this far behind her usual defenses.

"What for?"

"For what I said earlier this morning. For overreacting in Ops just now. I don't know what's wrong with me. I shouldn't be making this harder for you. Six months, a year, it's not that long."

Deeks swallowed the lie, knowing she didn't believe her last sentence any more than he did. But if there was one thing Kensi did believe in, it was doing her duty. And he knew she would support him in his.

"Will we see you at all?"

Hating what he had to tell her, he shook his head slowly.

"It's a pretty deep cover. I'll have an apartment near Venice Beach so I can be close to where these guys hang out. LAPD doesn't want me anywhere near them or you guys. I'm supposed to check in weekly, but only by comm, never in person."

Kensi's eyes met his and he saw what she wouldn't say. _You'll be on your own._ And he could tell she didn't like it any more than he did.

"What's your cover?"

"Eric's putting the final touches on it, but I'll be Marty Tyler, southern California native, served a five year armed robbery felony and a misdemeanor for computer hacking in Chino before getting released six months ago. Background in security systems, which I have knowledge of from my stint in Robbery Division and Eric will be helping me with the stuff I don't know so I'll seem a little more attractive to these guys. Intel suggests these aren't your usual thugs and they have some access to doing extensive background checks. They'll probably check me out pretty deep so Eric and Nell are making my cover pretty thorough."

"Who's going to track you?"

Deeks smiled at this.

"Hetty's insisting it all go through NCIS. Communications for me to call in weekly and a tracker on my car. It's going to give Eric and Nell an extra career just to watch over me and you guys at the same time but they insisted."

And he'd been touched by the gesture. Although they all worked in law enforcement, this wasn't in any way directly related to an NCIS mission. And yet the team still wanted to help.

He wanted to tell Kensi he wouldn't do the mission if she asked him not to. But he knew she'd never ask. Just as he knew it would be fruitless to refuse the mission. But he literally didn't know how he was going to be able to walk away from her for months on end, maybe even a year. Especially knowing she was close by, literally only miles away, living her life and he couldn't contact her. Even though he'd spent the first thirty-one years of his life not knowing Kensi Blye, now he couldn't imagine a day, let alone a year, even six months, not seeing her.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked, knowing that even if she felt otherwise, she would still lie to him. But believing the lie was all he had at that moment. She mustered a smile that might have fooled someone who didn't know her well.

"Of course. I'm always okay."

Deeks searched Kensi's face, watching as practically before his eyes she rebuilt her defense. Not against him. He'd seen into her, into a part she may never have intended him to see. But she was fortifying herself against the rest of the world that she had to face once they got out of the car.

"Ok, I'm going to head back inside and start tying up loose ends. I'll see you in there?"

Kensi nodded and even though a part of him wished he could reach out and pull her close, tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear or smooth a hand around the nape of her neck, he stopped himself. It was difficult constantly being at war with his feelings for her but he recognized he wouldn't be helping her by complicating things between them right before he was going to leave. And something told him that if he touched her as more than her friend, with intent beyond his place in her life as her partner, that he wouldn't be able to walk away from her. Not for the undercover op and not ever.

And so he exited the car and forced himself not to look backward as he went back inside. He knew she would come in when she was ready. And he could at least give her the space she needed.

* * *

><p>By the end of the day his legend was complete. He was caught up on his paperwork and had said his goodbyes to most everyone at OSP. Eric had outfitted him with his comm, instructed him on the protocol for his weekly checks. Sam had gone over security and safety protocol with him. Callen had warned him about the rigors of deep undercover. And Deeks took the advice from Callen and Sam in stride, allowing them to lecture him when he could have written the book on deep undercovers. He recognized it for what it was. They were concerned and worried about him. And from those two that meant something.<p>

The two senior agents were getting ready to leave and shook hands with Deeks. Callen gathered his things and started down the hall but Sam held back, pulling Deeks away from the bullpen and away from where Kensi could overhear.

"Eric programmed a number into your new phone under 'Mom.' It's only in case of an emergency but if that number comes up or you see a text message, that's from us. Pay attention to it. And use it if you have to. We don't want to have to come in and rescue you but don't think we'll hesitate if we need to."

"Thanks, Sam," Deeks grinned, and then his face turned serious. "I know I don't need to say it, but watch out for Kensi while I'm gone, ok?"

Sam nodded, clapping him on the back.

"You're right, you don't need to say it. But it means something that you did. And that you stood up to G and me when we tried to stop you earlier."

Pondering that as Sam left him standing in the hallway, Deeks turned around to find Kensi beginning to pack up her bag for the night. He watched her silently, waiting for her to finish. She took a deep, steadying breath and then she looked up, meeting his eyes and giving him a brave smile.

Wordlessly he followed her from the bullpen to her car, opening the backseat door and taking her bag from her shoulder and stowing it for her. She had opened the car door and was about the slip in to drive away when she stopped, her back to him.

Deeks simply stared at the back of her head, thinking not for the first time how soft her hair looked as it tumbled in curls down her back. Even if he didn't think he could forget a single detail about her, he committed this memory, the latest in a long string, to his mind. And then she whirled around and before he knew what was happening, her arms were around his waist, hugging him close.

In an automatic reflex his arms went around her shoulders, one hand smoothing along her back and the other cradling her neck and holding her close. How long they stood like that he didn't know. Long enough for her racing heart to calm and for his entire front to be warmed by her pressed up against him.

Almost as quickly she withdrew from him and was in the car, snapping her seat belt on before he managed to blink. Trying not to show how she'd shaken him to his core he leaned into her open window and gave her a lopsided grin.

"Try not to miss me too much, Fern. And watch that Twinkie consumption. I don't want to come back to a diabetic partner."

Kensi tried to pretend to be annoyed but he saw the grateful sparkle in her eyes.

"Don't let all that surfing and sun bake your brain more than it already is."

He chuckled and nodded, finding comfort in their teasing exchange. Then he leaned back on his heels, slipping his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, his eyes locked with hers.

"See you in awhile."

"Yeah, see you."

And then she drove off. And Deeks watched her go.

* * *

><p><strong>Note: Yep, I'm borrowing from <strong>_**Point Break**_**. Believe it or not I did try to come up with a different crime but that one fit the best. I couldn't resist having Deeks go undercover as a surfer. I fully realize it's a bit silly and unrealistic but stick with it and I don't think you'll be disappointed with what I have in mind.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **Truth Be Told  
><strong>Author: <strong>Mel  
><strong>Rating: <strong>T for now.  
><strong>SPOILERS: <strong>This assumes "Plan B" has happened and takes place in a future from there forward.  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>If you recognize them, they aren't mine. Apologies for any mistakes, no beta and I do my best.  
><strong>Note: <strong>Thank you for the incredibly supportive response of the alerts, favorites and reviews. I know it takes time to write a review and I enjoy reading each one. I've enjoyed hearing what some of you pick up on and the things that catch your attention. And some of you are far too clever for your own good at throwing out possible future plot points! Hopefully what I've come up with won't be too predictable.

* * *

><p>The first time it happens he's sure he imagines her.<p>

He's three months into his undercover operation. The life of Marty Tyler is a pretty mundane, normal life. He has a studio apartment a few streets from the beach. After three months of very little to do the apartment is crammed full of books from the used bookstore around the corner.

As long as the tide is good, without fail he gets up every morning, grabs his board and heads to the beach. The LAPD allowed him one concession to the assignment and that's Monty, who faithfully follows him to the beach and sits on the sand, napping and waiting for his owner to return after the morning surf has disappeared.

Most days, in the late morning Marty Tyler leaves the beach and heads to a very boring job working at the corner market. After several hours working minimum wage in order to at least give the impression of some sort of income, Tyler usually returns to the beach to play basketball or surf some more. The rest of his time he spends reading. And waiting. And biding his time.

Deeks was not by nature a patient man. But he knew undercover assignments were more a marathon than a sprint. It took him the first month to even be acknowledged by the suspects. They were a cautious threesome, staying apart from the other surfers at the beach. This by itself was somewhat unusual. Surfers are almost tribal in nature and usually friendly. That the suspects kept themselves separate made his job harder and took longer, to his extreme frustration. By the second month they were engaging in conversations but he was careful so that they came to him. He was friendly but distant which helped him seem less than eager and less of a potential threat.

By the third month he'd finally been invited to hang out with the suspects and had attended a few barbeques, late night bonfires on the beach, meeting up in bars and the occasional club in downtown Los Angeles. He could feel that he might be getting close to being invited in closer. At his last check in with Eric he knew his legend had been pinged several times and someone was digging deep into the background, education and criminal record Eric and Nell created for him. He was pretty sure they were checking into his background, trying to determine if he would fit with their crew, trying to determine if he had skills they wanted. And if he might be a potential friend or foe.

On the surface the suspects were three pretty normal southern California boys. All in their late twenties or early thirties, all from lower middle class families. All portraying themselves on the surface as innocuously as they possibly could. But Deeks had years of reading people and enough experience to see what lurked behind the characters they played.

Mike Williams was clearly the leader of the group. He ran the show whether they were deciding when to surf or where to hang. Physically he was the biggest of the three with muscles developed from hours of daily workouts and a buzz cut of his dark hair that would make any Marine proud. With a juvenile record and time spent in prison for car theft in his early twenties he was the worst criminal offender of the three.

Jesse Thompson was probably the friendliest and most laid back of the three, despite a petty theft arrest as a teenager. He was smaller than Deeks but with similar blond hair, bleached almost white by the sun. Thompson was the first to reach out to him and Deeks recognized the easiness of his attitude. He also recognized the complete lack of any moral center or concern for the law, as if the rules didn't apply to him. He was generally too stoned to be bothered to care.

And that left Derek Smith. Of all of them Smith concerned Deeks the most. He'd seen the predatory look on the man's dark features around people, especially women. It was calculating and premeditated in ways that made his blood run cold. Deeks was pretty sure he was the computer brains behind the operation. He didn't have a criminal record but Deeks was positive he'd committed crimes beyond the bank robberies that law enforcement was unaware of. He was cunning enough to have slipped through detection. Smith was perceptive enough that Deeks has had to work harder than usual to adopt the casual air of being laid back and indifferent.

Being laid back wasn't usually a problem for him. But it began to wear on him after weeks of constantly being on his guard to appear to be as casual and non-threatening as possible in order to begin to work his way into the group. But after three months he had a good feeling that the operation might be moving in the right direction.

Despite his deep undercover status he still checked in weekly without fail. Once a week he put the NCIS issued earwig in his ear and tapped it, speaking to Eric or Nell. They were always on the line within minutes of his call in. He would give them the rundown of the week's activities in under five minutes and they would report to him anything LAPD wanted passed along.

Deeks never asked about the team or Kensi. Eric was solidly professional, always to the point and never trying to linger. But Nell, with her usual hesitant awkwardness, was a different story. She often tried to tell him about Kensi but he'd stopped her every time. And even though he stopped her, her voice was always heavy with concern for him and her desire to tell him. And though he couldn't say it, her concern touched him. He knew if she did tell him anything about Kensi that he'd do something stupid, like rush over to his partner's apartment in the Valley just to assure himself that she was okay. Besides, he knew everything he needed to from the words Nell didn't say and the tone of her voice when she tried to.

He knew if something truly bad happened to Kensi he would be told. So he knew that the heavy weight of Nell's tone meant that Kensi was okay. She wasn't great but she was surviving. By the hesitancy and Nell's attempts to find the words to describe her to him Deeks knew Kensi missed him. Beyond that the rest was just details.

It was not knowing the details that made the operation bearable. If he couldn't talk to Kensi himself, couldn't hear her voice or reassure himself with a quick glance into her dark eyes he didn't want to know the details. He didn't want information on Kensi from second hand sources, he wanted to know from her what was going on with her life. Since he couldn't have that he focused on his mission. It was focusing on getting through the operation and knowing once it was over that he could return to NCIS and return to Kensi that got him through the days and weeks.

There was a part of him that acknowledged that his feelings for Kensi had deepened over their months apart. Having known her for over a year he knew what he was missing. He wondered sometimes, especially during the early morning hours around sunrise when he sat on his board out on the ocean waiting for waves, if what he felt was real. He wondered if absence making the heart grow fonder was genuine or just wishful thinking.

And that's why when he saw her sitting on the beach next to Monty that he was sure he had to be imagining her. She was barely a dot on the beach and he couldn't make out the expression on her face. But he would know the shape of her from a mile away, even if he was pretty sure he'd conjured her up. But he stared anyway, too caught up in wishing she was actually there to acknowledge that she could be. Only Thompson's yell, alerting him to an incoming wave, broke his gaze on the figure on the beach.

"Marty! Coming your way, man!"

Deeks reacted with instincts born of surfing and being on the ocean for the almost thirty years of his life. He was up and on his board and his mind was clear of anything else except the sound of the water, the wind and the movement and balance that came from surfing. He knew he was a gifted surfer. Not professional caliber but nearly as good as the pros and certainly better than the average weekend surfer.

Finishing riding the wave into waist deep water Deeks turned back for the congratulatory yells and whistles from Williams, Thompson and Smith. Monty's barking from the shoreline immediately reminded him of what he thought he saw and he turned quickly, unaware until that moment how badly he needed his vision of Kensi to be true. But he managed to school his disappointed reaction upon seeing Monty by himself, wagging his tail happily as Deeks approached.

Monty circled around him and barked as Deeks leaned down, picking up his shirt and un-strapping the leash that connected him to his board from around his ankle. As he straightened up, moving to head over to the outdoor showers to wash off the salt from the ocean he was startled to see a flash of yellow as something fell from his shirt to the ground.

It took a second and then he was unable to stop the grin that spread across his face, throwing his head back and laughing out loud. Shaking his head he leaned down, picking up the Twinkie that had been tucked in his shirt, the plastic crinkling between his fingers. And for an instant he felt lighter, like he could finally breathe again.

* * *

><p>The second time it happens he's a little more prepared but no less ready for the surge of emotion seeing her brings up.<p>

He lasts another month before he can't stop himself. He was getting in deeper with Williams, Thompson and Smith. Just the week earlier they'd mentioned they might have some work he could help them with. Determined to take things slow he'd been non-committal in his response and as he expected, that had only convinced them more. That and some of his recent stories, told with some help from Eric and told while he feigned being more than a little drunk, about cracking one of the more sophisticated security systems on the market, had intrigued them.

But he was four months into his assignment and a month since Kensi broke the rules and came to the beach where she would have known he was. He still had the Twinkie sitting in his apartment, sitting on the table like some kind of odd centerpiece. It never failed to make him smile when his eyes fell on it. But it also served as a daily reminder of her he eventually couldn't ignore.

And even though it's dangerous and he knows it goes against every rule undercover cops were taught, he still found himself at her favorite coffee shop for the second weekend in a row, effectively staking it out. He and Monty sat for a couple of hours each day, hidden to the side and away from immediate view. He knew she won't show at any particular time because she kept her schedule irregular but he also knew she would show eventually. She had a weakness for the orange cranberry muffins and the French roast was her favorite.

Even still, he was almost unprepared when she suddenly turned the corner, reaching for the door handle to enter. Deeks froze in place, struggling with what to say after months of conversations with her in his head when Monty took the initiative, barking and breaking away to run to Kensi, circling her and standing up on his back legs to rest his front paws on her knees. She was dressed for a casual weekend in yoga pants, flip-flops and a t-shirt, her hair free and tumbling down her back.

Deeks felt a little lightheaded, his heart pounding wildly, as he watched the easy smile on Kensi's face as she saw the dog, then the immediate wariness as she recognized Monty. Very quickly she glanced around, looking for anyone watching, and then her gaze furtively darted around the tables and chairs, finally settled on him with palatable relief. Her bright brown eyes and the wide smile on her face, bringing her high cheekbones into sharp relief, was enough to make his heart almost stop. Trying to appear nonchalant, she leaned down and picked Monty up, carrying him over to Deeks, who quickly stood as she approached.

"I think this belongs to you."

Her voice was a murmur as she looked into his face, her tone casually light while her eyes seemed riveted to his. Whatever she saw in his eyes made her brow furrow with concern so he tried to adopt a less tense expression. But it was hard, especially being so close to her after so long away.

Deeks reached for Monty, allowing his arms to slip under the dog, transferring him from her arms to his. It was an unnecessary gesture and made a little cumbersome by the fact that Monty was not a tiny dog. But he seemed more than happy to be manhandled by two of his favorite people, giving Kensi's chin a lick as she passed him to Deeks. And Deeks didn't miss how she leaned towards him and how her arms somehow managed to slide under his, her fingers ghosting over him in a manner that could seem casual to passersby but he recognized as more intimate.

He couldn't stop himself from breathing deeply when Kensi was closest, letting his eyes briefly drift shut at the smell of apples. The smell of her shampoo brought back a myriad of memories keyed into that scent, something he hadn't realized until that moment he associated with her. Reluctantly Deeks leaned back a little, opening his eyes to fall on Kensi's upturned face.

"Sorry about that. He can't resist beautiful women."

Deeks said the words with humor but knowing him as she did she heard the meaning behind them. He knew this because Kensi blushed, and blushing was not something Kensi Blye did with any frequency.

"Would you care to join me?"

Kensi's shrewd dark eyes fixed on his face at his question and he saw the caution there, the reminder that they were playing a dangerous game. Both for his cover and for their ability to keep their distance down the line. But after years of doing his job better than anyone ever expected and after sacrificing so many pieces of himself for a job he wasn't even sure he wanted to do anymore, he suddenly didn't care.

He'd started out doing his job to help people. But over the last year he'd realized that he needed more than that and he wasn't willing to sacrifice his entire being for the job anymore. Getting to know Kensi had done that to him. And he didn't care if it was absence or his imagination anymore. He wasn't the kind of person to overanalyze. All he knew right then was that he couldn't bear for her to walk away.

Something in his eyes convinced her and she nodded slowly, sitting down in the chair opposite the one he'd been sitting in. Quickly realizing she'd come for coffee she wasn't getting, he moved towards the door, his hand brushing her shoulder as he went.

"Stay right here, I'll be right back."

Standing in line, he couldn't help but glance back at her more than once. She leaned over and petted Monty, rubbing his head and behind his ears as he basked in the attention. Deeks could see her smile at his dog and as he watched her he noticed other things. Like how there were dark circles under her eyes and how she actually seemed to have lost weight she doesn't need to lose. And how her hair was even longer than he remembered it.

Ordering her coffee and muffin, he returned to the table, settling both in front of her before returning to his own cup. She smiled wryly at him and then looked away, reaching for the cream and sugar before she took the lid off and realized he'd already fixed her coffee how she liked it. And then she stared at her hands, folded in her lap and he suddenly realized that he's not done something wrong exactly, but he'd done something almost too right. And Kensi, so used to a world where things didn't ever go quite right, didn't know how to deal.

"We shouldn't be doing this."

Her quiet voice, admonishing herself more than him, had him leaning forward and taking her hand in his, his thumb passing over and pressing lightly at the pulse point on the inside of her wrist. His touch had the reaction he wanted when she inhaled quickly and didn't pull away. In fact, her fingers curled around his and brushed over his wrist in return.

It was like they had both gone a little insane, disregarding the rules, as she leaned closer to him and then his hands moved to hold hers entirely in his own.

"I just needed to see you."

His murmured admission brought her surprised eyes to his and he was startled at how close she suddenly was, her dark mismatched eyes seeing deep into him.

"What's wrong, are you okay? Do you need to call off the mission?"

He laughed quietly at her concern; instinctively knowing she would go to the immediate operational concern before considering the emotional side.

"No, I'm okay."

He didn't say "fine" or "good" because those words hadn't applied or had meaning when related to his life for over four months.

"I know it was probably stupid. And the last thing I want to do is put you in any danger. But I feel like I might finally be getting close. This might be done soon."

The bright and wide grin she gave him matched his own and he saw her restrain herself from reaching for him.

"Really? We haven't heard hardly anything about what you've been doing. Eric and Nell seem to be under Hetty's orders not to share."

The grumbling in Kensi's tone made him chuckle.

"Careful there, Kensi. I might start to think you miss me."

And then she did something that left him speechless. Gently she disentangled a hand from his and reached up to brush the tips of her fingers against his cheek, her fingers drawing a line from the corner of his eye, along his jaw and to his chin. Her touch was light and he couldn't help but close his eyes against the heady feel of her fingernails lightly scratching his unshaven face.

"Well, we can't have that."

Deeks didn't trust himself to open his eyes and look at her just then. The tone of her voice, her closeness, it was almost more than he knew how to process. And a part of him couldn't help but wonder: _Why wasn't it like this before?_

When he finally opened his eyes the smile on her face was warm and intently focused on him. Because he was afraid of what he might do with her so close he leaned back in his chair, mercifully glad when Kensi followed suit. Though when she crossed one leg over the other, leaving her flip-flop on the ground, her bare foot came into contact with his calf and when her foot curled around his leg he had to try very hard to concentrate on what to say to her.

"How's work going? How is everyone doing?"

"Pretty much the same old stuff. We've had some big cases but nothing we couldn't handle. Callen and Sam watch me like a pair of hawks guarding over a precious egg, so you don't have to worry there."

Deeks laughed at the image, able to picture it perfectly. Though what surprised him was that while Kensi was complaining about the overprotective routine, he could tell it didn't really bother her. Just months ago she never would have allowed anyone to look after her or take care of her. But he reasoned that even when he'd left there had been signs she was willing to allow her friends to look out for her. She was learning to bend a little too.

"I think Eric and Nell are dating."

He looked at Kensi with surprise, seeing the sheepish smile on her face. And he couldn't help but laugh at the inner office gossip.

"I guess I could have seen that coming. They are kind of like two peas in a pod. Like loves like."

Kensi lifted a shoulder in a shrug, a defensive gesture he'd long ago noticed she had. Not used to a Kensi who wasn't happy to argue with him at any given moment he bumped her foot with his leg.

"What, you don't agree that people with things in common can make a good couple?" he asked, genuinely curious.

"I think they probably do, but I also think people who are dissimilar can be good together too."

Deeks tried not to grin at her words, feeling as though he knew what she was trying to say, even if she couldn't say it. Because it would be hard to find two people with as many dissimilar personality traits than the two of them.

"How is it being Marty Tyler?" Kensi asked.

"Pretty boring, actually. Tyler's a bit of an underachiever, more than a little poor and aside from a lot of great surfing, there hasn't been much to show for the last four months. But I may very well beat that '50 Books in 1 Year' challenge at the rate I'm going."

Kensi smiled and nodded and he could tell she wanted to ask him more. But meeting up had been a bad enough idea, discussing his undercover op would have been a terrible idea. And they couldn't talk more in depth about her work, not in such a public setting. And even though they had a shared closeness they hadn't yet breeched many of the deeper subjects friends talked about. Their work was so much of their lives and they couldn't talk about that. And mundane subjects like what movie she'd seen last just struck him as insultingly simplistic. Frustrated at wanting to do nothing more than unguardedly talk to her for hours and not being able to, Deeks ran a hand through his hair.

"This probably wasn't a good idea. I should get going. I'm supposed to meet the guys for a drink in awhile. And there's always more surfing."

Deeks stood, hating the thought of leaving after only seeing Kensi a short while but suddenly not wanting to stay either. He had never been very good at not going after what he wanted. When he worked undercover he was usually able to control those selfish instincts and Kensi was very quickly trumping years of conditioning as an undercover cop. Kensi caught his arm in her hand as he brushed by her, her fingers wrapping loosely around his wrist.

They didn't say anything but he paused for a minute, closing his eyes and focusing on that one point of contact between their bodies. When he finally took a deep breath and opened his eyes he found Kensi staring up at his face, her eyes wide and unblinking. And it took every little bit of willpower he had to step out of her grasp and turn to leave.

Kensi watched Deeks go, wanting badly to go with him, match his long stride with hers and follow him back to his lonely apartment and lonely life in Venice.

She'd been more than a little surprised to see him sitting in the shadowy corner of the outdoor seating area of the coffee shop. For all his flagrant disregard for all things serious he was a consummate cop and one of the most skilled undercover operatives she'd ever met. For him to have broken the rules by coming to a place he knew she would show up was dangerous. But she couldn't deny it also made her stomach flip and her breath catch.

He'd always had something of a physical affect on her. Even from their first encounter when they were both undercover she'd thought there was something shady about him. It was as if from the moment their eyes first met there had been a string of connection and consciousness between them. Often that string was taut with annoyance and irritation. But other times it strummed with something more intimate, deep, and much more in tune.

Deeks had never needed anyone to stroke his ego or find him charming. But seeing him up close and in person for the first time in months had taken her breath away. He was tan from the months of being outdoors and hours out on the ocean and his blue eyes stood out as clear and bright as a California summer sky. He was a little leaner from the swimming and the fewer toning workouts at the gym. And he was still as casually unkempt as he always had been. She just hadn't been expecting the fierce longing to touch him she'd felt sitting across from him.

But part of that longing had been what had driven her to the beach the month before. It hadn't been smart. But she couldn't regret it. Sitting there for a few minutes with Monty, watching Deeks out on the water and then surfing in had made her feel more awake than anything in the three months prior. Seeing him had made her miss him a little less, even if only for a short while.

Kensi knew Callen and Sam were worried about her. Nobody could find fault with her work performance. But a lot of the camaraderie and fun she'd gotten from the job had disappeared with Deeks. It had been startling to realize that she couldn't go back to the person she was before she met him. And that thought had troubled her. Because no matter what, at some point she wouldn't have him in her life anymore. Whether as her partner, friend, or something more. Because even if he came back in one piece from his undercover operation and they were officially partners, eventually he would leave. Or she would. And it would be permanent.

And that thought was what kept her holding back from him, kept her from giving into the longing she felt, even if it was almost an illusion at this point. Because at least she didn't yet know what she didn't have.

* * *

><p>Deeks contemplated the beer in his hand, seriously considering getting drunk. On undercover operations he was always careful about controlling his drinking so he wouldn't do something stupid. But seeing Kensi that afternoon had made him consider breaking yet another cardinal rule. He thought about using the alcohol as a deterrent so he wouldn't seek her out but in all likelihood it would make him do the opposite.<p>

And he knew he needed to be on top of things that night. He was with Williams, Thompson and Smith at a bar that made dive bars look classy. But what the bar lacked in décor and clientele it made up for as a private place to discuss criminal activity. Although they were being cagey, Deeks could tell the three guys were planning a heist for later that week. He knew there was no way he was close enough that they would let him in on it but he reasoned that if he got enough information then maybe the police could catch them in the act and he could close the op down.

"So you guys have something planned for later this week?"

Thompson looked at Deeks eagerly; ready to share, but Williams stopped him with a hand on his arm and a silencing look.

"Just something with a good payday. We'll fill you in after we make it happen. And next time, maybe we'll bring you in."

Deeks spread his hands out, putting on his most affable expression.

"Hey, I've got no one to tell. But I'll be patient and you guys let me know how it all goes down."

Wishing they would take the bait and disappointed when they didn't, Deeks took another swig of his beer, gritting his teeth in silent frustration.

"So, who was the girl you were with today?"

It took all of his willpower for Deeks to calmly finish swallowing his beer, just as it took immense concentration to set the empty bottle down without a crash or without letting anyone notice his hand was suddenly shaking as adrenaline fueled by fear flooded his nervous system. Buying himself another few seconds he motioned to the bartender for another beer.

Internally every alarm was going off. Somehow Smith had seen him with Kensi. There was no way that was a coincidence. Kensi lived miles away from Venice and other than robberies and clubbing Deeks didn't think these guys ever left the surf. He'd been followed.

And while that shouldn't have surprised him and normally it wouldn't have caused him much concern, the most coldly calculating member of his three suspects had seen him with Kensi and that did put every nerve he had on high alert. The question was how much he'd seen and how suspicious he was.

Using every bit of his skills at bending the truth and covering his true emotions he shrugged, acting as though he had no idea what Smith was talking about.

"What girl? I don't even remember, I went a couple places earlier today."

Deeks looked Smith straight in the eye, keeping his gaze steady and his expression and voice calm. The other man looked at him shrewdly, seemingly examining and trying to pick out a way to trip him up.

"At a coffee shop in the Valley. Tall, long legs to die for. Long curly brown hair. You two looked pretty chummy."

Deeks gave a short bark of laughter while inside his stomach rolled at how close Smith had been to Kensi and how close he might be to blowing the op.

"Yeah, that was some girl my dog tried to climb over. I felt bad he got his muddy paws on her and bought her some coffee. We talked a little but that was it. I had to get going and she didn't bite. Too bad though, she was hot."

After a few long seconds studying him Smith finally nodded, a cunning smile curving his lips.

"True that. Too bad, man."

Smith gave him a rough slap on the back and then turned his attention back to Thompson and Williams. And all the while as Deeks engaged back in the conversation his mind whirled and worried. He thought he'd shaken the suspicion for now but he had a bad feeling if he wasn't careful the operation could go downhill in a hurry.

And after four months separated from Kensi he refused to leave empty handed.

* * *

><p>Five days later and Deeks was feeling very restless. Something was off. His uneasiness had started that morning when he headed out to the beach and there was no sign of his bank robbery suspects. It wasn't unusual for one or even two of them not to be there every single day, but all three missing in action was unheard of.<p>

After a few hours of surfing he returned to his apartment and debated for an hour before initiating contact with Benson at the LAPD. When he'd gone under he'd been given a burned phone and a contact protocol only to be used in case of emergency. Although there weren't overt signs of an emergency his instincts told him something was going down.

Benson picked up on the third ring, his tone brusque since he didn't recognize the number.

"Benson, it's Deeks."

The other man swore, though he was instantly on the alert and attentive.

"Are you okay? Do you need us to come in and get you out?"

"I'm fine. Look, I think something's going to happen today. It could be happening right now. The suspects have been acting suspicious the last week and they changed their routine today."

"Any idea where?"

"I wish I knew. I haven't managed to get into the group that close yet. Is there an alert you could send out?"

Benson paused, weighing and considering his words.

"I don't see how. There are thousands of banks in Los Angeles. There aren't police resources to provide protection to all of them. Until we have a better idea about where they're going to hit there's not much we can do."

Deeks swore quietly, knowing Benson was right. And he blamed himself for not having better intel even though he knew there wasn't more he could have done without blowing his cover.

"Listen, you'd better get off the phone. I'll run it up the chain and call the FBI and see if there's anything we can do. I'll call you if I hear anything."

After hanging up with Benson, Deeks had been forced to show up for his shift at the market, stocking groceries and helping customers even though he felt like he could crawl out of his own skin.

It was early evening after his shift when he got the call from Benson. Another bank had been hit right at rush hour. Same MO as the other robberies, same complete and utter lack of evidence. Discouraged and feeling like he wouldn't mind getting a little drunk, Deeks hung up the phone and paced around his apartment.

It took him a little while but it dawned on him that despite the setback of another robbery he should have been able to calm down. Instead he felt like a caged animal, like he needed to be somewhere else. And it struck him that it wasn't that he needed to _be somewhere_ but that he needed _someone_.

Kensi.

His restless feeling was about her. And then he could have kicked himself for not realizing it sooner. Something was wrong with Kensi. It was crazy that he could think that, not having a clue where she was or what she was doing, but he didn't just think it. He knew something had happened to her.

Deeks immediately picked up his earwig and put it in, activating it to signal to Eric or Nell at OSP. When neither of them picked up within a few minutes his worry grew exponentially. As a cop coincidences were never something he'd believed it. And his bad feeling about Kensi and a lack of response from OSP was a very unsettling coincidence.

Grabbing his car keys he was a foot away from the door when Eric's voice filled his ear. Eric sounded rushed and harassed and more than a little distracted.

"Deeks? You there? You okay?"

"I'm fine, Eric. Where is Kensi? Is she okay?"

The pause on the other end of the line was enough to confirm his worst fears. He closed his eyes against every imagined crisis his nightmares had been more than willing to conjure up over the last four months of Kensi in danger or injured because he wasn't there to watch her back.

"Dammit, Eric, you need to tell me otherwise I'm going to drive straight there and I'm not going to bother looking to see if someone is tailing me."

"No! Don't do that! Kensi is fine, she's okay. Just banged up a little. There was an arrest this afternoon that went a little sideways. Two guys got the drop on her before Callen and Sam got there. She's a little banged up but she's fine, I swear. She's at the hospital being checked out but Sam called a little while ago and said she's going to be alright."

Deeks had already grabbed his coat.

"Which hospital?"

Eric's silence on the other end of the line immediately halted him and he gritted his teeth, barely managing to force the words out.

"Eric, which hospital is Kensi at?"

"I'm sorry Deeks, I can't tell you."

"Can't or won't?"

"Since Callen told me not to and implied my job was on the line if I did, I guess both."

Deeks let loose a string of expletives and Eric somehow managed to be chastised but resolutely silent on the other end of the line until he finished. Finally Eric spoke, his voice trying to be reassuring.

"She really is going to be fine. They aren't even going to keep her overnight."

"That's a small consolation, Eric. Doesn't make up for the fact that it shouldn't have happened in the first place."

He disconnected the comm, not wanting to say something further in anger that Eric didn't deserve to have directed at him. Deep down he knew Eric had been right not to tell him. Callen had even been right to order Eric not to tell him. But at that moment when all he wanted was to be by Kensi's side, all he could feel was desperate guilt that he wasn't.

But the third time he sees her it sets into motion events and consequences he never could have anticipated.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: **Truth Be Told  
><strong>Author: <strong>Mel  
><strong>Rating: <strong>T for now. There are some bad words here, but still fairly tame.  
><strong>SPOILERS: <strong>This assumes "Plan B" has happened and takes place in a future from there forward.  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>If you recognize them, they aren't mine. Apologies for any mistakes, no beta and I do my best.  
><strong>Note: <strong>Did anyone see the news this week that they're remaking _Point Break_? Oh, that made me laugh! Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites, you all are very kind with taking the time to read and expressing your interest. I'm battling the mother of all summer colds so it's a slight miracle I'm even upright enough to submit this. But my goal is to update once a week, usually on Sundays, so here we are. My very good friend **Carol** helped me out with some consistency and pacing in this chapter, for which I am most grateful. Here's where the story starts to get complicated. I've thought a lot about the comments I've seen from reviewers about how important it is for Kensi and Deeks to be in character. I argued a lot with myself about how to keep them in character and also tell an interesting story. This may stretch the lines of that a bit but I would also argue that just as in real life, people change based on their experiences. And hey, this is fiction. If it can't be a little fantastic then where's the fun in that?

* * *

><p>After a long and sleepless night Deeks opened his eyes to stare up at the cracked ceiling over his bed. It was before sunrise and just smelling the air through his open window he could tell the surfing was phenomenal that morning. And he instinctively knew that Thompson, Smith and Williams would be there, enjoying the waves, feeling high after their successful robbery the previous day. And probably feeling over confident. The perfect situation for him to work his way in.<p>

He picked up his phone, resisting the urge to throw it against the wall as the silent and dark screen seemed to mock him. No calls, no texts. Nothing telling him anything else about Kensi. That lack of knowing was all he could focus on, even as he realized the undercover op was probably at its ripest point.

Scrubbing his hands over his face he knew deep down that he'd reached the situation that he'd heard other undercover cops talk about but had never thought would happen to him. They would talk about how at some point, usually during a deep undercover, they would realize that they suddenly didn't care about the operation anymore. It didn't matter to them if the suspect got away, killed someone, hurt someone or broke the law. And it was always because of someone or something becoming more important to the undercover cop than the mission.

For some cops it was the temptation of money, drugs or sex. Those were the cops who flipped, who were weakened and coaxed by the very world they started out fighting against. For other cops it was a husband or wife, child, parents, siblings or other family who needed them. People who held a higher measure than the job.

Deeks remembered talking with undercover cops who had survived their deep missions and emerged and quietly took desk jobs. At the time the concept of not being an undercover cop had completely mystified him. He hadn't been able to even comprehend not wanting to do what he was so good at. The cops who were veterans of the job had always smiled knowingly and told him it would happen one day. And they'd told him they hoped it would be a person in his life and not the temptation to flip.

Feeling the hollow ache in his chest he knew instantly he'd reached that point. Someone else was more important to him than the job. He didn't want a desk job but he also didn't want to be anywhere but at Kensi's side, watching her back. And right then there was nothing he could do about it. Even knowing that everything in him wanted to be with Kensi, he also knew she wouldn't want him to jeopardize all his hard work and the mission for her. He knew she would be the first person to physically kick him in the ass for his distraction and that was what compelled him to get up, pull on a pair of board shorts and head to the beach, Monty following close behind.

And as he paddled out into the ocean and caught sight of his three bank robbery suspects and tuned into their upbeat and jubilant moods he knew he'd been right. They were riding high on their success and more open than usual. He exchanged casual pleasantries and then took the first wave he could, not wanting to come across as too eager to hear about the previous day's events.

As he paddled back out he saw that Thompson and Smith were near the shore, taking a break. He swam towards Williams and sat on his board next to the other man, just sitting and watching the sky as it lightened and colored with the rising sun.

"Where'd you get the scars from?"

Deeks kept his expression casual at the question, knowing his cover story for the injuries he'd sustained when he'd been shot a year ago.

"Little misunderstanding with the cops when I got picked up for that robbery. They said resisting arrest. I say I just didn't move fast enough."

Williams gave a hearty laugh and Deeks smiled, portraying the easygoing and morally flexible guy Marty Tyler was supposed to be.

"You just served five years, right?"

"Yeah, some of the evidence got tainted or misplaced or something so they couldn't put me away for the longer sentence they wanted to. Not to mention hacking software systems isn't always the easiest thing to prove. Worked out good for me."

Deeks met Williams' eyes, seeing the approval and calculation in the other man's face. Williams grinned and nodded.

"I'll say. Listen, Marty, we want to bring you in for our next job. I'm sure you've figured what we do isn't above board."

Deeks laughed appreciatively.

"I might be a look like a dumb surfer but I'm not an idiot, Mike. I figured you guys had something going on. I'm interested, if you want to tell me about it."

Williams looked over his shoulder, seeing a perfect wave coming their way and he tossed Deeks a grin.

"Later, man. We're going to hit up the Avalon on Vine tonight. We can fill you in then. You interested?"

Deeks nodded and watched as Williams took the wave in. Sitting on his board with his feet dangling in the water Deeks watched as Williams joined Smith and Thompson on the beach. They might be criminals but he couldn't deny that they made an odd sort of family.

Family was a concept Deeks struggled with. Even in his normal life he had no shortage of casual friends, guys he talked to at the beach, coffee baristas he exchanged pleasantries and mild flirtations with. The deeper connections that came from lifelong friends or the bonds between co-workers were another story.

Ray had been his oldest friend, the one person who knew most of the secrets from the first half of his life and the one person who never judged him. Because of their shared history as kids Deeks knew he would always feel a connection to Ray, despite the fact that as adults they were two very different men. Having Ray as his oldest and closest friend was the easiest defense and the biggest lie.

If at least one person knew you really well it was easy to isolate and defend against making other connections. And as well as Ray had known Deeks, their friendship was based more in the past than the present. There was a gap of time from when they'd been teenagers to a few years earlier that had been formative years for both of them where they'd moved in opposite directions. It was almost strange how despite their drifting apart and despite how different they were, with their last encounter they'd also both come to realize how much they had in common. Both wanted to be better men than their fathers.

Thinking back to almost a year ago, when he'd last seen Ray, Deeks realized that the son Jenna had given birth to would have to be around three months old. He'd been a month into his undercover assignment when a nondescript manila envelope had arrived at his Venice apartment. Inside the envelope had been a photograph of a dark haired newborn, and on the back, written in Ray's distinctively messy handwriting, two words and a date: "Jason Martin, December 8, 2011"

There'd been no last name but Deeks had grinned all the same at Ray's son, saddled with his name for a middle name for the rest of his life. And Deeks hoped it was a long life, far away from the influences and problems of his and Ray's youth. He'd known that it had probably taken great pains to get the picture to him, but somehow Hetty had managed it. She'd taken the risk to give him information she'd known he would want. And he wouldn't forget that she'd done that for him.

In his experience that kind of thoughtful loyalty was something of a rarity. Normally loyalty sprung up automatically between cops and those in law enforcement. But ever since he'd become an undercover cop a kind of distinctive but also oddly invisible line had been drawn between him and other cops. Being on his own and being seen as something of a wild card had severed the normal bonds with his fellow officers.

Working within a military environment at NCIS had been something of a surprise. The military ingrained an incredibly tight and loyal sense of family and teamwork in its soldiers. But NCIS was mostly made up of civilians. There was the occasional retired soldier and a myriad of agents with backgrounds in other Federal law enforcement. With the history and structure of the military all around them, NCIS had somehow adopted the feeling of a family, of a deeply connected team. Since it was still something of a new experience for him Deeks wondered if it was a natural manifestation or if it was the people that made that happen.

The part of him that longed for the elusiveness of what a family meant thought it had to be a mixture of both. Within their team they made an odd sort of family. Sam was perhaps the most well adjusted with kids and a wife. Not that Deeks had heard him say anything more than a few sparing words about both. Deeks knew enough to be aware that Callen had no family that he knew of and he had a childhood to rival Deeks' in terms of dysfunction. Although he wasn't sure he would call it an advantage, Deeks at least knew what a family shouldn't look like.

And he sensed that of the four of them Kensi bore the deepest scars from having had family that was lost to her along the way. He didn't know the details and he tried to remain patient for her to open up to him, but Deeks sensed that like him she was alone in the world. For both of them their solidarity hadn't really been by choice, he knew some of that from what she'd revealed about her ex-fiancé, but he didn't know what had happened to her parents.

Deeks sighed, trailing both hands in the cool ocean, letting the waves lap over his board. He let the waves lift him up and down gently, bringing him ever closer to shore with each pass. Sometimes the ocean helped him clear his mind and helped him forget. Other times it did the opposite, allowing memories and thoughts to invade where he would have preferred they stay locked away.

Thinking back to the invitation to join his suspects at Avalon that evening, he rode the swells of the next couple of waves, wishing he felt more accomplished at this latest development. The only consolation he could think of was that he might be that much closer to finishing the op so he could return to his life. So he could return to Kensi.

* * *

><p>It was well after ten by the time he showed up at Avalon, bypassing the line at the door thanks to a surreptitious bribe from Williams, who saw him coming. Deeks had taken a taxi by himself and arrived late, reasoning it was better not to appear too eager.<p>

Deeks joined Williams, Thompson and Smith at a table in the corner of the dance floor, noticing that the expensive alcohol was flowing and women circled almost hungrily. Adopting a charming smile he flirted with the waitress and smiled at a few of the women, trying to gauge how much of the night was going to be about proving himself as a possible member of their team or just as another night of hanging out and pretending to hook up.

During the times over the last few months that he'd had to lay on the charm with women as Marty Tyler he'd found it impossible to follow through. Occasionally in the past his scruples hadn't been nearly as unwavering. It was all about selling a cover and even though he had some regrets about who he'd been in the past and who he had used to sell a cover, he'd always told himself it was a necessary evil. As far as his current suspects knew Marty Tyler was fairly successful with women, having seen him leave clubs and bars with a few.

But Deeks had been unable to keep the charade going much beyond that. Instead he did his best to get them far enough away to another club or bar so they wouldn't wander back and blow his cover and then he let them down easy. Being independent and aggressive women who weren't interested in him longer term than about two hours it hadn't been a problem so far for them to move on to more willing prey.

He tried not to think about how Marty Deeks from two years ago would have looked at Marty Deeks of the present. Deeks was pretty sure his past self would want to kick his own ass for the opportunities he'd passed on. But then his past self from two years ago had yet to meet Kensi Blye.

He tamped down his surprise when Williams dismissed the waitress and waved away the women who had taken up position at the table. So it was about business then.

"You guys must do all right to make this kind of night happen," Deeks remarked, taking a swig of his beer.

"We do more than alright, Marty. We're up almost $2 million from our last seven jobs."

Pretending to choke in surprise, he set his beer down and stared at the serious faces of the three men.

"What the hell are you guys doing for that kind of money?"

The three men shared quick glances and Deeks knew it was the go or no go moment for the op. If they confided in him then he would be in and it would only be a matter of time. If not, his chance would be gone.

"Bank robberies. We hit lucky number seven yesterday."

Deeks calculated his response, weighing the right measure of admiration and surprise.

"Well, I'm impressed. That's not an easy hit with security systems as sophisticated as they are these days. Though I'm not sure why you'd want to bring me in. Seems like you guys are doing alright by yourselves."

By the flash in Smith's eyes Deeks realized he'd hit a nerve with his words. Smith was not as ready to accept him as Williams and Thompson. But for now he seemed under control.

"Yeah, but we think we can do better. And you've got some experience we could use. You interested?"

Deeks pretended to consider the offer for a moment and then he smiled slowly.

"Definitely. When's the next job?"

"Whoa there, Speed Racer. These things don't happen overnight. We've got some serious planning to do until the next one. Be patient."

Deeks shrugged casually at Smith's caustic comment, affecting the air of someone not bothered or intimidated by the caution in his tone.

"For tonight let's just enjoy the spoils," Williams' voice was open and welcome again as he motioned for the waitress to return for another round of orders.

Over the next hour Deeks played his role to the hilt. Good time guy Marty Tyler, entertaining and charming. But it was hard to ignore how inside he felt exhausted. Maybe a year ago he would have been up for an entire night of partying and staying out late. More than anything he wished he could see Kensi, see how she was recovering from her injuries. And barring that he really wouldn't have minded a good night's sleep.

Smith nudged him with an elbow, pointing over towards the bar.

"Hey, isn't that your girl?"

Puzzled, Deeks followed his finger. And had to carefully control his reaction when his eyes settled on Kensi, sidled up to the bar and ordering a drink. He drank in the sight of her as he tried to process why she would be at the club.

It seemed doubtful she was there for a mission. She'd just been injured the day before and Deeks knew she occasionally liked to go dancing to relax. More than once in the past he'd casually thought about what it might be like to run into her at a club some night when they were off duty. Their first case as partners he'd seen the version of Kensi, undercover as Fern, and how she'd looked and behaved while clubbing. But he knew that had been only a version of herself and he imagined that as herself she would be entirely different.

His imagination hadn't been as good as the real thing. Not even close. She was dressed in a wraparound black top that dipped and folded as she moved, offering teasing glimpses of skin. Dark jeans and heels he had no idea how she could possibly walk in finished off her look. Her hair was swept up in a ponytail and he caught sight of the flash of silver from the hoops in her ears. There wasn't a sign of the party girl glitter she'd worn as Fern and her makeup with dark and smoky instead of metallic and shiny.

He watched as she knocked back her drink, leaving a bill on the bar and turning towards the dance floor. And Deeks watched as easily half a dozen sets of very interested male eyes followed her movement.

"Well, damn, if you aren't going to go after her I sure as hell will."

As Smith went to stand Deeks reacted instinctively, his hand gripped Smith's forearm with perhaps more force than was necessary.

"I don't think so."

Deeks didn't have to pretend to be protective or possessive when it came to Kensi. He stared Smith down and the other man laughed and held up his hands in mock defeat, settling comfortably back in the booth. But Deeks didn't miss the interested and suspicious look in the man's eyes. Not willing to think about it right then Deeks stood and strode purposefully towards the dance floor, easily finding Kensi in the throng of people.

She was taller than most of the women, even more so in her four-inch heels. As she moved with the music he felt his throat drying, her body turning and bending in ways his imagination usually only conjured up. He shook his head against the image and got close to her, enough that she sensed him and opened her eyes.

For a second they stared at each other, lost in each other's eyes and the push and pull of the crowd around them. Kensi's mouth dropped open in shock and her lips were about the form his name when he shook his head once very quickly, latching onto her gaze with his own. Picking up promptly, she stepped into his arms where he held them out, her arms looping around his neck as his went securely to her hips. And he knew he didn't imagine her sharp intake of breath when he brought her flush up against him.

It took a lot of his concentration not to instinctively respond to her body moving fluidly against him but he managed. Their positions had the added benefit that it brought his lips next to her ear and her ear next to his lips.

"Deeks, what's going—"

"Kensi, are you okay?"

Kensi pulled back slightly, looking at him strangely.

"What are you talking about?" She rolled her eyes at the pointed look he gave her, realizing he'd heard about her run in the previous day. "I'm fine, don't worry about me. You weren't supposed to know. I'm going to kill Eric."

Kensi's tone, fuming slightly, had him smiling.

"Calm down, Princess. Eric was just the man in the middle. What happened?"

Kensi resolutely shook her head, pulling him closer so he couldn't look in her eyes. And she almost distracted him completely when she sank her fingers into his hair at the nape of his neck. Somehow he resisted the urge to moan at her light touch.

"Be careful, Kensi. Two can play that game."

He heard the sound of her laughter in his ear and when her lips curved into a smile against his neck he allowed his hands to start drifting over her, starting at her hips, moving around her back and up to her shoulders. He didn't miss the shiver that shook her under his hands and when his hands ghosted over her sides, bumping over the indents of her ribs he felt her flinch against him. Bruised ribs. She'd probably been kicked or punched, which was not something he liked to imagine. Gentling his hands he dropped his head to her shoulder, not able to stop himself from lightly touching his lips to the juncture of her shoulder and neck.

As if suddenly remembering who they were, and not that they were some random two people having just met on the dance floor but two people who worked together and had a lot of unresolved issues between them, Kensi straightened a little in his arms. But he knew that like any good operative she knew enough about him to know that what was happening wasn't random and at that moment they weren't just work colleagues.

Sighing, he lifted his head again, putting his lips near her ear and speaking as lowly as he could so there could be no chance of being overheard or lip reading. It was dark and the music was loud, but he wasn't taking any chances.

"Smith saw us last weekend. He asked me about you Sunday and saw you a few minutes earlier in the club. I told him we'd just met at the coffee shop when my dog jumped on you. He was suspicious then but he dropped it. When he saw you tonight it reminded him. It was either I come over here or he was going to."

Kensi nodded slowly, the movement bringing the shell of her ear to glance against his lips. Instinctively his hand moved around to the small of her back, bringing her closer and turning her so she could covertly look at the three suspects.

Kensi turned deftly and moved her arms around his shoulders, bringing him closer. The smell of her and the warmth of her under his hands was almost too tempting. It took some serious restraint not to drag her to a dark wall of the club and cover her mouth with his. And then her next words were both terrifying and music to his ears.

"Deeks, kiss me."

"What? Why?" He pulled back enough to meet her eyes.

"Because your suspects are watching, we aren't chastely dancing at the town social and we need to get somewhere quiet in a hurry. Kiss me."

Her demanding tone was all it really took. He slowly grinned and was rewarded by the exasperated and slightly embarrassed expression on her face as she belatedly realized how demanding her words had sounded.

"So bossy. If you insist."

Deeks closed the distance between then quickly, not bothering to leave the kiss quick or merely friendly. It was open mouthed, wet, breath mingling and fierce. The lip gloss on her mouth was sticky as their lips met and clung and he could swear he smelled cupcakes. His hands moved from her hips to her neck, holding her face firmly as he nipped at her lips and then changed the angle to kiss her more deeply, his tongue sweeping into her warm mouth.

Her low moan against his mouth and under his fingers where they were caressing her throat compelled him to move her backwards, towards the aforementioned dark and quiet corner. When they were out of sight he attempted to slow down and pull away from her but Kensi had other plans. Her fingers latched onto the belt loops of his pants, bringing him back against her, her thumbs brushing against bare skin at his hips. And then one of her hands stole under his shirt and over his bare stomach and she murmured appreciatively as her fingers drifted over solid and warm skin and muscle.

Deeks barely managed not to push her against the wall, his fierce need for her almost making him forget who they were and where they were. And she was on the exact same page as him, not pausing or slowing him down at all. It would have been easier to resist if she had. But with her responsive and pliant under his hands and mouth all he could think about was kissing every inch of bare skin he could find, and then removing her clothes so he could find more.

But then he did remember who they were, where they were and what danger they might be in. And he somehow managed to pull back from Kensi, bracing his arms on either side of her head. She made a disappointed sound of protest and he chuckled, shaking his head at her.

"Holy shit, Kensi. God, you're going to kill me."

His voice was strangled and he barely managed to get the words out, especially as he met her eyes with his and saw his fierce need reflected in the flash of her mismatched eyes. Her smile was curved seductively and her eyes half closed and when she licked her lips he actually had to check himself from surging forward to kiss her again.

The moment between them quieted despite the loud throb of music all around them and the heated pumping of their hearts. Kensi's expression softened and she brought her hands up to cup his face between them, smoothing his hair and eventually resting her palms flat against his chest. There was very little light where they stood and yet he could feel the heat coming off her and see the shadows played across her face enough to show him she was entirely focused on him, the attraction between them simmering but under control for the moment.

"So what do we do?"

Kensi's voice was calm. He latched onto it, needing to find that anchor in his storm of emotions and attraction.

"We can pretend to hook up, leave together. That way it gets you out of their line of sight. And I can just tell them it was a one-night stand and we just have to be careful. No more mistakes. We can't see each other even for a second until the op is done."

Deeks was vehement with his words even though it tore at him to think he wouldn't be able to see her again for who knew how long. Kensi seemed to weigh and consider what he suggested. Then she fixed him with a determined look.

"Or you can bring me into the op. Eric can set me up, backstop me by the morning. Maybe it's more realistic based on what they've seen that I become your girlfriend. That and then I could help you with the op."

Deeks was shaking his head, awed that she wanted to help and put herself in danger, and stubborn about not putting her in that position.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Kensi. It's probably just as realistic for them to think we just had sex and leave it at that."

He expected her to be stubborn and fight him based on ideals and undercover procedures. That he could have argued with. But what he got instead was an arsenal he was powerless against.

Kensi's eyes saddened and she looked up at him, her hands curling into his shirt.

"Please, Deeks. I don't like thinking about you alone out there. I can help you. I want to help you. I'm your partner."

He scrubbed a hand over his unshaven jaw, feeling confused and more than a little distracted by her proximity. He knew his attraction to Kensi was clouding his judgment. He knew there was nothing more than he wanted then to have her with him. But not at the expense of her life or their partnership.

"I think it's too dangerous."

Kensi's eyes hardened at what she took as his insinuation that she couldn't handle herself. He back peddled quickly.

"I know you can handle yourself. It's too dangerous because of what's going on between us. I can't let what I feel for you get in the way of finishing this op and—"

_And coming back to you._

He let the words hang, knowing she could fill in the blanks. And being the smart girl that she was, she did. Her blush both warmed him as confirmation that what he felt between them wasn't one sided, and worried him as confirmation that bringing her in was a bad idea.

Making a last ditch effort, he brought up the two people he thought might make Kensi reconsider. "What's Hetty going to say? And Callen? How can we possibly explain this to them?"

Deeks saw the first flash of uncertainty in her dark eyes and he watched as half a dozen emotions swirled over her face. There was hesitation, guilt, worry, fear, and then that locked-in-place tenacity he knew all too well. Pushing on, because he knew it was the right thing to do, even though he wanted to give in to Kensi's suggestion.

"You know they would both say the same thing, that we can't let our emotions cloud our judgment."

"Emotions only get in the way if we let them. Deeks, if our positions were reversed, what would you say?"

Her honest question brought him up short. And he realized he was beaten. If he was in her place he wouldn't hesitate for a second. He would have already bulldozed past any objections she had to ensure he would be by her side until the end. Kensi's expression hardened with resolve and Deeks knew he was past the point of being able to convince her.

He could argue procedure, he could argue jurisdiction, he could even argue the wastefulness of her spending her time on an LAPD undercover mission. She wasn't going to give in and change her mind. And something about that stubborn determination made his heart swell.

To hell with the consequences. He nodded slowly.

"Ok, you win. Go call Eric."

Kensi gave him her most winning smile and ducked under his arm and headed to the restroom room to make her call, telling him she'd be back in five minutes so they could leave.

Swallowing the lump in his throat that formed as he watched her walk away, he turned back towards the booth where Smith, Thompson and Williams still sat. They watched him coming and once the catcalls and cheering began he had to appear satisfied and proud, taking the encouragement and high fives instead of pounding their faces in like he wanted to.

"I guess the second encounter went better than the first?" Smith crowed. Deeks nodded with a wink, noticing that Smith did appear less suspicious than before. Kensi might have been right about this working to sell his story.

A few minutes later and she reappeared at his side, slipping under his arm until it came to rest on her shoulder and sliding her arm around his waist, her hand warm at his hip. She beamed a smile at him and he gave her one back, and then she turned to the guys, who watched them curiously and her appreciatively. She reached forward to shake their hands in turn.

"Hi, I'm Mackenzie Sullivan. You can call me Kensi. You're Marty's friends?"

Deeks schooled his features against the shock of hearing her say her own name. The guys were instantly charmed and gave their names in turn, Thompson explaining that they all met while surfing on Venice Beach.

"What do you do, Kensi? And how did you meet our boy, Marty?"

Deeks heard only mild interest from Smith but he also didn't miss the predatory look on the other man's face. He wasn't done being suspicious of Kensi and Deeks just hoped Eric was putting together an airtight alias for Mackenzie Sullivan.

"I'm an admin assistant at one of those big law firms downtown. Glorified secretary really. And we met last weekend when I stopped at a coffee shop and Marty's dog was overly affectionate and jumped on me. You really should have had him on a leash."

Kensi's tone was teasingly reproachful and he just gave her a charming smile.

"Now if I'd done that he wouldn't have jumped on you, I wouldn't have had to apologize by buying you coffee and I wouldn't have had a reason to approach you tonight."

Playing the equally charmed female, Kensi beamed at him and then leaned in to whisper in his ear so the guys couldn't hear.

"We're good to go. Eric's working on my alias. Let's get out of here."

In the context of the undercover operation he knew an order when he heard it. The rest of his body, still humming from having her warm and responsive body against him latched onto the words for other reasons. He turned to the guys as he began to steer Kensi away.

"We're out of here. See you guys later?"

"Yeah, we'll talk soon. We won't expect to see you out on the ocean in the morning!"

Deeks hurried Kensi away after William's parting words and the waves from the other guys. Even when they were out of sight he didn't let her free, he only tucked her closer against him, enjoying the feel of her hip bumping his and her hand warm against his side.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: **Truth Be Told  
><strong>Author: <strong>Mel  
><strong>Rating: <strong>T for now. There are some bad words and mildly sexual situations, but still fairly tame.  
><strong>SPOILERS: <strong>This assumes "Plan B" has happened and takes place in a future from there forward.  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>If you recognize them, they aren't mine. Apologies for any mistakes, no beta and I do my best.  
><strong>Note:<strong> A little early this week! Thanks for all the continuing alerts, favorites and reviews. It sounds like a few people just recently got caught up on this story, so welcome and thanks for reviewing! I'd love to hear what you think. Unless you hate it, I'd rather not hear that. Your reviews continue to bring a smile to my face and help encourage me to keep writing.

* * *

><p>Outside Avalon Deeks walked with Kensi to the first cab waiting in a long line by the curb and opened the door for her to slide in. He followed her, settling in the backseat beside her as she finished giving the driver an address. Expecting her to shift away from him on the seat, or at least put a little distance between them, he was surprised when she leaned against him, tucking herself against his side so they were touching knees to shoulders. Wordlessly he lifted his arm up and around her along the back of the seat, bringing her closer.<p>

And Kensi surprised him once again when she laid her head down against his shoulder. At the close proximity of her his heart began to pick up speed again, barely having had a chance to recover from kissing her in the club. The heat from her body, the soft swish of her ponytail against his neck, and the smell of her. She smelled faintly like apples from her shampoo, mixed with the warm smell of her skin and light perfume.

He let his hand drift from her shoulders to her side, resting gently against where she'd been injured. He turned his head to whisper in her ear.

"What happened to you yesterday?"

When she sighed and tried to pull back a little he kept her in place, his arm around her firm but gentle. He recognized her tactic of physically pulling back and putting distance between them. And after months of being away from her he was less patient with indulging her defensive mechanisms that might put up a wall between them.

"There was a Navy lieutenant caught up in a small time drug ring. He was killed and we went in to investigate. I went in as a buyer and the two guys who killed him made me. Sam and Callen were outside listening and they got there as soon as they could. Bastards still got a few kicks in."

Kensi gave Deeks the summarized version of events, reasoning that him knowing all the details would only make him angrier. Already she questioned the wisdom of what she'd told him as she saw his jaw tighten underneath the scruff of his beard.

"You shouldn't have been in there by yourself. What were Callen and Sam thinking?"

"Hey, they thought I could handle myself. And that those two idiots weren't that dangerous. We were wrong. It shouldn't have happened but I've had worse."

"Still, I should have been there."

His grumbling made her smile a little sadly and she reached up to take his chin in her hand, bringing his eyes to hers. The reproach in his eyes, not at her but completely directed at himself, made her heart clench.

"What, you're going to blame Sam and Callen, and when that doesn't work, blame yourself? I'm a big girl, Deeks, I can take care of myself."

Deeks smiled sheepishly.

"I know you can. I know you don't really need me. But I still don't like to hear about you out there without anyone watching your back."

Kensi couldn't form words, her thoughts were so scattered after what he said. He thought she didn't need him? Her life over the last four months had been an empty shell of walking through the motions without him. How could he not know how important he was to her?

_Because she'd never told him._

Deeks was facing away from her now, starring out the window. Kensi watched him, feeling lost about what to say. She knew what she wanted to say and what he needed to hear but the thought of putting the words out there for him to hear terrified her. Saying them made it impossible to take them back.

Past her fear she recognized why Deeks thought she didn't need him. She recognized their shared history of abandonment. She didn't know all of his reasons for why he struggled with feeling left behind and left out even thought she could guess at some of them. And he didn't know all of her reasons either.

But putting herself in his place she thought knew what he would want to hear from her. And even though it still nearly scared her to death, she reached for his hand, squeezing it gently in hers and bringing his eyes and attention back to hers.

"I wouldn't trust anyone as much as I trust you to watch my back. And I do need you. More than you'll ever know."

Deeks' eyes widened and if not for the serious moment she would have laughed at how she'd accomplished the one thing she wasn't sure was possible: stupefying Marty Deeks to silence.

And then he was leaning towards her, reaching to cup her face in his hands, her eyes drifted closed and all she could think was _yes please—_

"Hey, lovebirds, we're here."

Kensi blinked quickly, internally cursing the driver for his horrible timing. Deeks looked equally displaced, especially when he looked outside and saw they were stopped at a 7-Elevan.

She opened the car door, handing several bills to the driver and then got out. Deeks followed suit and the taxi driver pulled away, leaving them at a convenience store in the Valley well after midnight on a Saturday.

Tucking his hands into his pockets and leaning back on his heels, Deeks cocked his head to the side and smiled at her playfully.

"Is this where you bring guys for a good time? I'm starting to better understand this 'first dates only' rule of yours."

Kensi rolled her eyes and hit his arm with her clutch, turning on her heel towards the store.

"I didn't want the cab driver to take us all the way there. I live right around the corner. And we need provisions."

Provisions turned into beer and several cartons of ice cream and then they walked the three blocks to her apartment. She let him inside, closing and locking the door behind them. Even though he'd been inside her apartment several times he stood in the entry way, looking around carefully at all the signs of the things he'd missed over the last few months.

Feeling slightly uncomfortable under his scrutiny she nudged him with her hip, guiding him over to her couch. She tossed her clutch, keys and phone on the kitchen table and then pointed back at the bedroom with her thumb.

"I'm going to change. I'll be right back. If Eric calls my phone answer it, he said he was going to head in to start working on my alias. Don't eat all the ice cream without me."

When Deeks gave her a lopsided grin and a mock salute, while also eyeing the ice cream with thinly veiled interest she couldn't help but laugh at as she walked to her bedroom.

Inside her bedroom she closed the door softly, alone and away from the sounds of the club, from people, from Deeks, for the first time in hours. Kensi removed her jewelry and shoes and pulled out cotton flannel pants and a t-shirt, feeling her heart continuing to beat at a faster than normal pace. She stared at her face in the mirror, taking in her own wide eyes. It hadn't slowed down since the club, since Deeks kissed her.

She swallowed, wishing equally that her heart would slow down and that it never would. It was scary to have this kind of physical reaction to anyone, but having the reaction to Deeks it became something infinitely more layered. Even though she never would have openly admitted it before, she knew she was attracted to him. But she was occasionally attracted to men. Most of the time she ignored it. Or she went on a first date, or spent the night with one of them. But it had been years, since Jack, that she'd felt the pairing of emotional and physical attraction. And it scared her.

Losing Jack, being abandoned by Jack, had nearly killed her. The only thing that saved her was NCIS. Losing Dom had been hard in a different way, but he hadn't chosen to go. Looking back she was surprised how quickly she'd gone from meeting, working with and getting to know Deeks to him becoming such a focal point in her life. And that hadn't become apparent to her until he was abruptly gone from her life for three months.

She'd tried to stay away. For three months she had stayed away. And the disciplined part of her was not happy that she'd slipped a month earlier. At the time it had seemed harmless enough to go, watch him from a distance, and leave before he could approach her. What she hadn't counted on but should have known, was that Deeks wouldn't be able to not respond to her misstep. They were well matched in that way. Where one moved, the other did. Sometimes she was his satellite, sometimes he was hers. It had served them well as partners and it seemed to indicate a closer connection on other levels as well.

Kensi pulled on the pants and a t-shirt, turning back to contemplate her hair in the mirror. She pulled her hair loose from the ponytail holder, shaking it free, and then washed her face clean of makeup. Remembering that Deeks had been dressed for clubbing and would probably be less than comfortable spending the night on her couch in his clothes she pulled out a pair of worn flannel pants and an old Marine Corps shirt of her father's. Running her hand over the fabric softened by hundreds of washings she smiled slightly, wondering not for the first time what her father would have thought of Deeks. She'd long thought he would be confused by him; so contrary to the men he'd known and worked with.

Her father had been a hard core Marine. He'd fashioned their lives around the life of an enlisted man. For Kensi's entire life he'd worked with soldiers, lived with soldiers in base housing, drank with soldiers, and spent all his free time with soldiers. It was really the only life Kensi knew. And it was a comforting life and easy to stay in that world after her father's death. A family friend had taken her in until she turned eighteen. And then it hadn't been long until she met Jack.

Jack had been very much like her father. Her father would have approved of him, would have been honored to serve with him. And Kensi had loved Jack for who he was and who he reminded her of, the life he reminded her of. And so when he'd left her she'd been certain both that kind of life, as well as that kind of familiar happiness and comfort that life brought, would never happen for her.

She'd become what her father taught her to be, a survivor. Loss was something many soldiers carried around with them all the time. Kensi had plenty of the scars of loss; many were just on the inside. Deep down she knew that her father would want her happy, even if it was by living a life different than the one he'd provided for her growing up. And she even wondered if her father would see that Deeks did that for her.

Problem was, she wasn't capable of doing more than thinking about Deeks as someone who might make her happy. She could see the possibilities. But the risk was too great. He might be the only person who could get through to her and she couldn't allow it. And as much as kissing him made her heart race she couldn't risk losing him as her partner and friend just to address the attraction between them.

The difficult part was remaining resolved, strong, and in control. Three things in the last month she hadn't shown a great aptitude in when it came to Deeks. Putting the clothes for Deeks on the bed she straightened her back and willed her heart to slow down as she returned to the front room of the apartment. And she practically wanted to punch herself as her mutinous heart picked up speed at the same instant her eyes fell on Deeks as he turned a slow circle in her kitchen, her phone tucked between his shoulder and ear and an opened carton of ice cream in his hands, looking as if he belonged in her space.

He was mumbling agreement into the phone as he licked his spoon clean, turning one more circle and stopping short as his eyes fell on Kensi where she stood, leaning against the doorway. Managing to look a little contrite he held out the ice cream to her and pulled a spoon from the drawer, offering it up as a small apology for getting started without her. She rolled her eyes and gave him a forgiving smile, digging into the half of the pint of ice cream Deeks hadn't eaten.

"Yeah, okay. Thanks Eric. We'll see you in the morning."

Kensi froze with a mouthful of ice cream, her eyes snapping to look at Deeks. It couldn't be good if they were expected at OSP in the morning. But then she should have realized her adamant demand to be brought into Deeks' undercover operation would have immediate consequences. And she instantly felt guilty at the trouble she may have caused him. Not to mention the extra work for Eric and Nell. He disconnected the call and placed her phone back on the table, taking a deep breath before he turned back to Kensi's questioning eyes.

"We're expected at OSP tomorrow at eleven. Detective Benson, Eric, Hetty, Nell, Callen and Sam will be there. They're expecting a briefing of what's happened and what the plan is from here forward."

The ice cream in her stomach suddenly making her queasy, Kensi put the carton down and crossed her arms around her stomach.

"I'm sorry, Deeks. I can't believe how badly I've messed this up for you."

Deeks looked surprised, then seeing the uneasy expression on her face, walked over and cupped his hands around her arms, the warmth from him bringing comfort she hadn't realized she needed.

"Hey, no, don't worry about that. Nothing's messed up. We'll just have to change the plan a little. The truth is, I'll feel better with you there to watch my back."

Kensi searched his face, seeing nothing but honesty in his eyes and in the smile he flashed her. She shook her head, still chastising herself.

"I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have come to the beach that day."

Her words were an angry whisper and the silence that followed them filled her with dread. She feared his agreeing with her almost as much as his disagreement. But what he said next was infinitely harder to deal with.

"Then why did you?"

Kensi forced herself to breathe under the weight of his soft and genuinely curious words. As if he couldn't believe she could be bothered to miss him enough to not be able to keep her distance. Finally daring to raise her head she met his eyes, such a bright blue it almost hurt to look in them, and realized that was exactly why Deeks was asking her. He really didn't understand why she had been on the beach that day. And as much as she wanted to tell him, she couldn't.

"Please don't ask me that."

Her whisper was worried and sad and she didn't miss the flash of hurt that passed over his face before he collected himself, nodding and letting go of her and taking a step back. It worried her that he didn't push. Deeks had never been shy about pushing her. But she had a feeling that when it came to her feelings for him he didn't want to push her for his imagined fear of what she might say. And she was clueless about how to reassure him without pushing them to the very place she was trying to avoid taking them.

"Okay, I won't. But we have to come up with something to tell everyone tomorrow."

Kensi nodded sadly, hearing the veiled dejection in his tone. He wasn't happy that she was unwilling to confide in him. And deep down she knew he had every right to be. But she just didn't know how to solve the problem of what they actually were together and the warring possibility of what they could be. Needing to distract him, she pointed back at the bedroom.

"It's probably best if you stay here tonight rather than go back to your apartment in Venice. I have some clothes you can change into, if you want."

Deeks looked down at his clothes, jeans and a blue button down shirt, and nodded silently in agreement. He backed away from Kensi, retreating to the rear of her apartment. Puttering needlessly in the kitchen for several minutes she put the beer in the refrigerator, leaving two out for them to drink, and stowed the ice cream. After another few minutes she picked up her phone and checked her messages quickly.

Casting a curious glance back at her bedroom she wondered what was taking Deeks so long. He was just supposed to be changing clothes and she'd left them out for him. It shouldn't have required the ten minutes he'd been gone. She was considering checking on him when she had a sudden chilling thought that was incredibly random but she instantly knew had to be true: Deeks thought the clothes were Jack's. And no matter what was going on between them it would seem a little strange to be putting on his friend and partner's ex-fiancé's clothes.

Wanting to smack herself on the forehead for her stupidity she was about to go back and call to him when the door opened and he came out, trying not to show the discomfort she knew he had to be feeling. She hadn't told Deeks much about Jack. But he knew enough to understand how deeply she'd been affected. She had a feeling he could fill in the blanks of what he didn't know because he would be hesitant to push her, making Jack a subject they steered clear of and a subject they were both uncomfortable discussing or thinking about. And Deeks was not a guy easily uncomfortable, he was way too confident for that. Hurrying to hand him his beer, her words were rushed.

"They're my father's."

The immediate relaxation of his shoulders told her that her conclusion had been right. The tension in the air eased somewhat, Kensi gestured to the couch, going to curl up at one end and face Deeks while he sat in the middle of the couch. And for a few silent minutes she studied him, marveling at how good it felt to have him there after months of not seeing him.

It didn't escape her notice that he sat within inches of touching her. It didn't really surprise her. Deeks had never been very good about staying out of her personal space. Pretty much anyone else she wouldn't have put up with it. And even with Deeks, at least at the beginning, she hadn't.

But he was persistent and she'd grown accustomed to him, to the warmth of him next to her when they walked, the sound of his breathing during those rare times when he was quiet, his voice and laugh in the car, to the smell of him, like some incredible mix of the Pacific Ocean, sunshine and fresh laundry. It wasn't until he was gone that she realized how accustomed to him she'd become. And the loss of him and missing those touches, sounds and smells had been uncomfortably difficult for her to bear.

But he was there next to her now and she couldn't ignore how a very large part of her wanted to be closer than she was. It was frustrating, warring between what she knew deep down she wanted but also knew shouldn't be. The silence between them stretched on until Kensi had a sudden thought, latching onto it like a buoy in a turbulent sea.

"How's Monty? Will he be okay back at your apartment overnight?"

Deeks smiled, his grin not as wide and happy as the one she longed to see. But his eyes warmed as he gazed at her face, taking a sip from his beer.

"He'll be okay. The complex I live in has a fenced off garden and the landlady doesn't care if I leave him out there. When I left tonight I let him out and it's warm outside so he won't get too cold."

Kensi nodded, oddly relieved. She glanced at Deeks, seeing he was still watching her.

"I think he missed you, after that day on the beach. It's probably crazy, but he was over-the-moon excited after you sat with him and I could swear he was looking for you for days afterward. He ran up to every long-haired brunette in Venice the whole week after."

She wanted to argue with him, wanted to say that dogs didn't have the same awareness and consciousness as people. That they couldn't process the same emotions and that Monty couldn't possibly miss her. But Deeks' eyes, completely clear and honest, stopped her. She opened her mouth, once again wanting to explain her reasons for coming to the beach that day. Frustrated, she closed her mouth, struggling against words she couldn't say. So instead, she broached the one subject they really did need to talk about.

"Tell me about Marty Tyler. I need to know about him so I can figure out what Mackenzie Sullivan would be attracted to."

His grin, lifting the left side of his mouth a little higher than the right, was enough the have her stomach fluttering pleasantly. Until that moment she hadn't realized how much she'd missed that particularly bone-melting smile of his.

"What? My charm and good looks aren't enough?"

Rolling her eyes she reached out, punching him in the shoulder. He laughed at the familiar gesture, stretching his arm up and over the back of the couch. She tried to ignore how it brought another point of near contact between them. His hand and arm were nearly encircling her shoulders on the back of the cushions.

"Tyler's a surf bum. An underachiever who doesn't actually want to work in order to live. He's from Pasadena from a middle class family. No siblings, parents live in Florida now. Typical latchkey kid who had a decent upbringing, got bored and got into trouble. He doesn't talk to his parents since he was convicted and served time. They're disappointed in what his life has become but he doesn't want whatever help they've offered because there are always strings attached. He's barely a high school graduate but that isn't because he isn't smart, he's just not really big on applying himself to conforming goals."

Kensi watched Deeks as he unraveled his alias as Marty Tyler; fascinated by the detail of the story he wove. Different undercover operatives worked in different ways. Deeks was one of the more meticulous operatives she'd ever met. And this was the first time they'd worked together on a deep undercover. An afternoon or a few days as someone was infinitely easier than weeks or months. Weeks or months required understanding how a person's history could shape them, how behavior was nuanced and spoke to that history.

"After high school Tyler started working for a bank securities company. It was a low level position, but it gave him access to information on procedures and how banking software systems work. He also had an aptitude for writing software and malware. After years of getting passed over for higher paying positions because of his lack of higher education, the appeal of a robbery was a little too strong and Tyler was a little too impatient. His first attempt he was sloppy, robbed a bank employee at gunpoint while trying to take the bank at the end of the day and got shot in the process. He was convicted of a felony and a couple misdemeanors and served five years, bringing us to now."

Kensi nodded, processing his words. She had the facts, had known most of them since she'd read his legend more times than she could count. But she needed more about the man that Marty Tyler was. She needed Deeks to tell her about the man he'd created.

"What does he look for in friends? What kind of women does he like? How does he treat his friends, women he dates? Who does he trust?"

"Tyler looks for easy and superficial. His family and what friends he had turned their backs on him when he went to prison. He wants friends who don't judge, girls who don't criticize. He has a bit of a temper if provoked enough. He wants to be accepted and while Williams, Thompson and Smith have seen him appear to be successful with women, they don't stick around. He doesn't trust them to accept him how he is. He doesn't really trust anyone, not really, even though he wants to."

Kensi felt her focus drawn to his words. "What do you mean 'appear to be successful with women'?"

She can't help the question even knowing she doesn't have a right or place to ask it. He doesn't owe her loyalty or chastity, not in that way. Even if a part of her hates the thought of him with someone else. And she's not an idiot. Deeks is an attractive and charming man and she has no doubt that he wouldn't want for company should he actually desire it. It's been an annoying thought in the back of her mind for a long time now, even going back to when they were first partnered. Even then she'd forced herself not to examine too closely the meaning behind her repeated efforts to sabotage his attempts to charm the opposite sex.

Deeks shifted on the couch and she would have smiled at his discomfort if she hadn't been waiting anxiously for his response to her question.

"I had to maintain some kind of cover. These guys like to hang out and party and even surf bums attract a certain variety of women. But it was always a front."

Kensi was careful not to react to his words but when his hand came up to rest on her shoulder, squeezing gently, she couldn't help but move to lean a little more fully against him, closing her eyes and enjoying the warm and solid feel of him along her side from shoulder to hip to thigh. She didn't question or pull away as his arm went around her shoulders and stayed there, anchoring her to his side. She recognized it for what it was, reassurance he didn't really owe her. And even though she could never explain to him how it relieved her to hear it, she let out a deep breath.

Looking up into Deeks' eyes she offered him a smile, taking in the gentleness in the blue depths. It was so easy to get lost in his eyes. Months before she never would have admitted it, but his eyes captivated her. Sometimes they were almost gray, leeched of most color and reflective of a stormy sky. Other times they were as bright blue as the Pacific Ocean on a sunny summer day. And other times they were tinged with green, such a warm and gentle shade of blue, just as they were now. It was probably foolish, but sometimes she felt like that was her favorite color, when she felt like she could see inside his soul.

She cleared her throat, the air between them becoming heavy with intimacy. She saw his mouth quirk up as he recognized her avoidance tactic for what it was. And she was infinitely grateful that he didn't call her on it.

"Eric's going to be putting the final touches on my alias tonight and tomorrow but we talked a little bit about the general details when I called him from the club."

Deeks leaned back against the couch, taking her with him against his chest. A little surprised but enjoying his closeness too much to argue, she leaned back with him, her heart picking up as his arm around her shoulders encircled her fully. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to feel how much she'd missed him over the four months he'd been gone. They'd never been this physically close before without the excuse of a bomb going off. But something between them had shifted when he left. She'd begun to miss something she didn't even know.

"So tell me about Mackenzie Sullivan. I'm not happy about the first name, by the way," Deeks grumbled. Kensi heard the protective tone in his voice and gave his chest a shove with her hand, her fingers coming into contact with warm and firm muscle under the Marine Corps logo on her father's shirt.

"Yeah, well, now you know how I felt four months ago, _Marty_."

His laughter in her ear caught her attention and she looked up to grin at him. Although she willed herself not too, she couldn't help but notice his arm tightening around her shoulders. And she couldn't ignore the fact that her hand stayed on his chest. Or that his free hand came up to cover hers, keeping it there.

"I know I agreed to bring you in on this op, but it could still last for a long time. It may not be the best use of NCIS resources to take you away from your work."

Kensi shook her head stubbornly before she shifted, stretching out next to Deeks on the couch, turning her head to rest on his chest. He mirrored her movement and they both studiously ignore the very real fact that they were basically cuddling on Kensi's couch. She heard his quick intake of breath and decided that if ignoring it meant she could still have him against her, warm and solid and smelling as she remembered, then she could pretend they weren't doing what they were doing.

"Mackenzie Sullivan. Late twenties from small town Oregon. Raised by a single mother, father left when she was little. She has some severe daddy issues as a result, always looking for a man to fill that affectionate hole in her life. She came to Los Angeles when she graduated high school to be an actress. Waitressed for six years before she realized the actress thing wasn't going to work out so she started temping. And now she works for a big defense attorney law firm that represents some of the less charming criminals in the greater L.A. area."

Kensi kept her voice level as Deeks' hand strayed from her shoulder and began to play with her hair. She thought she'd covered up the hitch in her voice when she first felt his fingers drifting through the long strands, separating and touching softly. It had been so long since anyone had touched her with such gentleness and familiarity. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed it.

"So why does she like a guy like Marty Tyler?" Deeks asked, his voice rumbling in his chest under her ear.

"Because he's funny and charming. He doesn't trust easily but she does. And he recognizes that she's offering her trust and can't help but want it badly. They're both a bit needy and damaged that way and it bonds them, makes them instantly dependable on each other. It makes Tyler want to take care of her, protect her, and that possessive nature of his gives her exactly what she's looking for."

"Does she know about his criminal history?"

"Yes, he told her after they left the club tonight. Ordinarily he wouldn't have, but somehow he sensed that keeping it a secret would drive her away. Not because of the criminal record but the secret itself. And even though he might have normally not cared about a relationship longer than one night, something about her told him to tell her."

Deeks was quiet after her last words and she waited, keeping her eyes trained on the faded red fabric of her father's shirt and keeping her focus on the feel of his fingers in her hair, continuing to methodically stroke and massage away the tension in her body.

"And they slept together."

Kensi felt blood rush to her face at his words, feeling atypically embarrassed. They were both adults and they'd even played a couple on several occasions in the past. But it had never been for longer than a day or two. Although they'd developed a certain intimacy as friends and partners, intimacy as lovers wasn't something they'd had to delve into in the past. And it had been something they'd studiously avoided since it brought up questions neither had been ready to answer. Gathering her courage, she lifted her head to rest her chin on Deeks' sternum; meeting his thoughtful blue eyes, which were the warm color, she so loved, with her own.

"It would have been hard for them not to. He's handsome, considerate, warm and gentle with her. It's been awhile since anyone has been so careful with her, has wanted her like he does. He's not the type she would normally go for but he's what she didn't know she wanted."

Kensi realized she was treading on dangerous ground. Her words might be applicable to their covers as Mackenzie Sullivan and Marty Tyler but they were also awfully close to Kensi Blye and Marty Deeks. And Kensi knew Deeks could read the subtext. He might sometimes be oblivious about certain things, but he was an expert at reading her. And she saw how he struggled to swallow, how his eyes drank her in, reflecting back at her how much he cared for her.

Unable to look at him any longer, unable to answer the familiar want in his eyes, she turned away, returning to rest her head against his chest. His fingers continued to stroke her hair and she closed her eyes. By unspoken agreement they were finished discussed the op and their covers for the night. Kensi was grateful that Deeks didn't question her further. She was dangerously close to crossing that line she'd sworn they couldn't. And it had been a long day after a long week and she was still tired after sustaining her injuries the previous day.

Beginning to feel drowsy it was easy to let her thoughts scatter and to concentrate on the warmth and feeling of her partner, safe and comforting under her and all around her. It was a peaceful feeling she hadn't experienced in a very long time. Deeks shifted slightly under her and she unconsciously murmured in protest until she realized he was just reaching for the lamp to turn the light off. Then his hand returned to her hair and his voice was soft above her.

"Sleep, Kensi. Just sleep."

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><p>As Kensi's breath evened out and she fell into a peaceful sleep, Deeks left his hand drift from her hair to her back, splaying his hands low on her back and feeling the strength and curved softness of her under his fingers. His heart was hammering in his chest and he didn't think there was any way he was going to be able to sleep that night.<p>

The whole night had been surreal.

Arriving at Avalon earlier that night the last thing he ever could have expected was Kensi. But in the short span of a few hours his entire world, and his entire undercover op, had been turned upside down. And while it certainly complicated things, he couldn't be upset or angry. Not when the night ended with him on his partner's couch, her allowing him to hold her close as she slept.

The fact that she could fall asleep with him there, with him holding her, just about took his breath away. He'd never asked, mostly because he didn't want to know, but he suspected Kensi was a love-them-and-leave-them type. Her relationships didn't last long and he doubted she cuddled or stayed the night when she was with men she was seeing. He would have put money down that she never brought men back to her apartment. So the fact that he was there, in her home, and she felt safe and comfortable enough with him to let her guard down and sleep with him, sleep on him, was an incredible gift. It spoke to a level of trust he knew she didn't give easily.

He'd started the night worrying about his partner, then finding her and getting further entangled with her in ways he would never have predicted. He'd gone from thinking the feelings he had for her were entirely one-sided and a little pitiful on his part, to realizing that his very independent and fierce partner, someone who didn't like the world to think she needed anyone, did need and want someone. Knowing that person was him felt like the greatest thing he could ever be lucky enough to achieve. And for a guy who had an earlier life entirely defined by implied failure and disappointment from the people who were supposed to love him, it was staggering that someone he cared about could return his regard in any measure.

It was very, very hard for him not to react to what she'd given him. He knew she'd been arguing with herself since the club, since they'd kissed. The reactions they'd had to each other had been too strong to entirely ignore or brush off. Deeks was willing and ready to go wherever she led. He knew it wasn't always, or really ever; wise to get involved with a partner. But he'd never been accused of being all that wise.

It was her hand to play. Having lived a life where he was constantly surprised when he passed another birthday, he knew life was short and he didn't really believe in holding back. He could tell she felt things for him that she hadn't been able to realize, face or voice before. Normally he might have pushed and to a certain extent he'd been gently prodding her with his questions about her cover and the relationship between their aliases.

He'd seen she was fighting with herself, trying to keep herself away from some invisible line between them. He knew he was a persuasive guy and she found him attractive enough that he could probably persuade her to forget all about that line. But she wouldn't forgive him for it later. So he reasoned if she wanted to keep that line there then he would let her. If it meant he still ended up with her in his arms and that she put her trust in him he could be patient.

As she shifted against him, unconsciously stroking his body with hers he sent up a silent prayer for patience. He fully appreciated how beautiful Kensi was. And he saw beyond the body that nearly knocked other men over. But he was also male enough that he was tuned in and unintentionally responsive to nearly every physical signal she gave out just in the way she walked into a room. Adding in how she smelled and the feel of her hair and skin against his and his fingers just about itched to touch her all the time.

There'd been a long simmering physical attraction between them before that neither had wanted to admit. The possibility of what they could be made him more than willing to throw caution to the wind. But even the impetuous side of him could acknowledge that throwing caution to the wind hadn't always worked out well for him in the past. And he cared about Kensi too much to screw things up between them. He could be content with what she was offering him now, even if it paled in comparison to what they could have. It was more than he'd ever thought he deserved from her.

And in the meantime he would have her by his side, working with her again. He wouldn't be alone anymore. The thought of having backup was a nice one, but the thought of having Kensi as his backup had him selfishly pleased. There was no one else he would want with him.

Despite thinking that sleep was impossible, Deeks began to feel his eyelids drifting closed. The comfortable weight of Kensi draped over him and her warmth tucked against him lulled him to a deep sleep unlike any he'd had in months.


	7. Chapter 7

**Please see previous chapters for rating, disclaimer, etc. **

**NOTE: My beta (my wonderful and awesome friend Carol) finished looking this over earlier than expected so I thought I'd go ahead and post it. I've so appreciated and loved reading the reviews and seeing the alerts and favorites. Your enthusiastic response makes this a truly fun experience as I plot and write. Thanks for reading.**

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><p>She felt unbelievably and pleasantly warm. Consciousness was reluctant to return but her senses slowly engaged and she blinked slowly, the early morning light highlighting the brown fabric of her couch only inches from her face. Awareness of the very comfortable and very male body all around her soon followed. In response her heart quickly picked up speed but she couldn't make herself move.<p>

She and Deeks had fallen asleep on the couch and somehow during the night they'd shifted until Kensi faced the couch cushions and Deeks was curled around her from behind, one hand loosely lacing his fingers with hers, the other hand dangerously low on her stomach. His even breaths on the nape of her neck had her nearly shivering with awareness.

She marveled at the surprisingly lithe strength in his body. She could feel it in every limb that was wrapped around her. Although he was tall Deeks didn't often make an imposing figure in a fight. But she knew he was stronger than he looked and faster than people suspected. And she'd seen him with his shirt off enough to know he had the lean and broad-shouldered body of a swimmer, arms and upper body toned from years' worth of surfing and paddling through the ocean. Arms now gathering her close against his chest.

It was an incredibly unprofessional position for them to be in. But Kensi was reluctant to wake him and hated the idea of trying to dislodge herself from his embrace. She never let anyone this physically close to her anymore. Where normally she might have felt smothered and constrained she felt nothing but safety and warmth. And it stunned her that with Deeks, it felt completely natural. Maybe it was because she wasn't looking at him directly, maybe it was because there weren't words between them complicating things further. But she was able to enjoy being held by Deeks without over-examining what it might mean.

She was still mulling this thought over when Deeks shifted a little, his lips coming into delicious contact with the back of her neck, and his hips unconsciously moving closer to her lower back, cluing her into the base part of his body reacting unconsciously to her closeness. More startled than she should have been, and having nowhere to move, she accidentally pushed back with her rear, sending Deeks toppling onto the floor on his back.

Horrified, she flipped over, peering over the edge of the couch to see Deeks looking up at the ceiling, his blue eyes perplexed until they shifted to take her in. Reaching a hand up, he rubbed the back of his head, wincing uncomfortably.

"The hell, Kensi?"

Grimacing, she reached down to follow his fingers with her own, checking the back of his head for a lump. Finding none she patted him on the chest and gave him a quick smile to distract him from talking about their slumber party on the couch.

"Oh, you're fine. Quit complaining. Come on, get up. I'll make coffee."

She stood quickly, stepping over Deeks to the kitchen where she rattled around the cupboards, pulling out mugs and coffee and giving Deeks a few minutes to himself. As she ground the beans, Deeks wandered into the kitchen behind her and she grinned at the sight he made. He was even more disheveled than usual as he ran his hands through his hair, yawned and rubbed his eyes. As the coffee began brewing he leaned against the counter on his elbows and Kensi had to resist the urge to reach out and smooth his very messy hair.

Busying herself with finding cream and sugar, she tried to ignore the nervous tremble in her hands. It scared her a little to think that in less than a day, she'd already begun to see Deeks in a completely different light. And she had no single event or easy explanation to point to for the change. Although the previous evening had been the catalyst, she knew deep down it had been building for awhile. In some ways it was like a switch had been thrown and she had no control over the emotions that surged through her. A part of her wished she could find and flip the switch back, but through her scattered storm of thoughts, she wasn't even sure where the switch could possibly be. The strange loss of control over her emotions was exhilarating but frightening, too.

Handing Deeks a cup of coffee and taking a sip from her own, she took a deep breath of the heavenly smell coming from the cup. If she could intravenously inject caffeine, she would. Opening her eyes, Deeks grinned at her fondly, then busied himself with drinking his own coffee.

"We have a couple hours until we need to be at OSP. Breakfast?"

Deeks nodded at her suggestion, taking another deep drag from his coffee.

"I know this great waffle house in Malibu."

Kensi rolled her eyes at the idea of driving all the way to Malibu for waffles while her mouth salivated at the thought of waffles, bacon, and maple syrup. Deeks had a penchant for hole-in-the-wall restaurants with killer food. She would never admit, it but his radar for finding delicious food that was unhealthy was truly impressive.

"I can see right past that eye roll, Kensi Blye. You're already thinking about waffles and syrup. And bacon. Well, this place has all that beat. How about bacon in the waffle batter and smothered with syrup? And the secret part of the recipe? They coat the waffle iron with the bacon grease. Bet you never saw that coming."

Kensi tried not to grin at his words and failed miserably. He laughed a little, delighted in his ability to make her smile and mercifully not rubbing it in any further. Draining her cup, Kensi left it in the sink.

"I'm going to take a quick shower, then you can shower if you want and we can go. The paper's on the porch if you want to take a look."

Withdrawing to her bedroom, Kensi quickly showered, pulled on clean clothes and then returned to the front of her apartment, toweling her hair dry as she found Deeks sitting on her couch, bare feet propped up on her coffee table leafing through the Sports section of the newspaper.

She watched him for a minute, marveling at how the sight of him sitting on her couch after a night of sleeping in his arms didn't freak her out at all. She was a little nervous, but it wasn't uncomfortable, it was more like she was tingling with new awareness. She should have felt uncomfortable. Nobody had stayed the night in her apartment since Jack. She'd studiously avoided making those kinds of connections, hence her second date rule. And yet somehow, as with many things, Deeks was the exception. That in and of itself did make her nervous.

He looked up as she approached, his eyes more alert after a few cups of coffee. Seeing her damp hair he bounced to his feet, surprising her when he leaned close to her as he passed by, inhaling deeply as he curled a strand of her hair around his finger.

"God, you smell amazing. What is that shampoo? Apples?"

"Uh, apples and ginger."

"I would happily buy that shampoo by the truckload if it meant you always smell like that."

Kensi felt her heartbeat stutter and a blush rise to her face as her eyes widened and met Deeks'. The sincerity in the deep blue depth of his eyes stole away any response she might have had. And when he leaned over, giving her a soft kiss on the cheek before he retreated to the bathroom, she realized she might very well be powerless against this charming side of Deeks. And while up until that moment she'd remained somewhat calm with him in her home, she was somewhat at a loss about how to deal with this more affectionate version of Deeks.

By the time he'd finished showering and had donned his clothes from the night before, she felt more in control, having tidied up the kitchen and gathered her purse and phone. Deeks followed her from the apartment, the lightness in his step and cheerfulness both reassuring and strangely putting her on edge. Her earlier ease had faded to uncertainty about how to think about whatever was happening between them. When he handily took her car keys from her, announcing he should drive since he knew the way, she dumbly nodded.

As they drove she was silent, contemplating what had her edgy. Deeks fiddled with the radio, adjusted the air vents and generally took over her car as if he owned it. It was when they halted at a red light on a nearly empty street and Deeks reached over to take her hand that it hit her. She was jumpy because Deeks was suddenly touching her more and treating her much more intimately than he ever had before. In their tenure as partners they'd certainly touched frequently enough. But this was much more familiar. And she was mystified and a little panicked to realize how much she liked it.

It wasn't so much him that made her anxious, it was her reaction to him. She couldn't grow too accustomed to him touching her, to his hand in hers or on her, or his arms holding her close. Because if she did, when the assignment was over she would miss it too much and she honestly didn't know how she would be able to go back to how things were before. Not when she knew what she was missing. That was what scared her and she couldn't help her overwhelming need to try and re-establish some level of control over her emotions. Snatching her hand away from his and folding her hands tightly in her lap, she tried to ignore the flash of hurt that passed over his face.

"Deeks, what is this?"

"What's what, Kensi?"

Pressing her lips together she called for patience. Even as she realized that maybe having this conversation wasn't really what she wanted.

"The touching. Smelling my hair. Being charming."

His slow grin made her want to take her words back.

"So you do find me charming. I knew it."

"Deeks—"

"Marty."

"What?"

Deeks sighed, shaking his head at her. He pulled the car into an empty space at the restaurant, parking and turning to face her in his seat.

"You're going to have to get used to calling me Marty. Starting now, I'm not Deeks anymore. I'm Marty Tyler, your new boyfriend who you had a fantastic night with last night. And your boyfriend is a very tactile guy who likes to touch his beautiful girlfriend."

Kensi tried to swallow, trapped by the serious glint in his eyes. And when he reached out to cup her cheek against his palm she exhaled deeply, fighting the urge to lean into his touch.

She fixed her eyes with his, seeing the fierce honesty in his face. "Kensi, you're safe with me. I promise you that."

Distracted from her earlier fears and nervousness, she cocked her head to the side, shooting him an exasperated look.

"I know that, you idiot. I've known that almost since we were first partnered. There's no one I trust more than you."

Deeks looked confused. "Then what's the problem?"

She shrugged, wondering if she could explain without giving herself away too much. It wasn't the touching and charm that had her nervous. It was the thought that she could very well become too accustomed to it and miss it too much when things had to return to normal.

"I just don't want this op to change us. I can't lose you."

Her voice was fierce enough that Deeks startled a little, both her tone and her words clearly surprising him.

"You're not going to lose me. There's nothing that could take me away from you that I would ever willingly do. Remember that and we'll be fine. I can't promise this assignment won't change us, but I can promise I'll always be here as long as I have a choice in the matter."

Kensi nodded, blinking against the growing moisture in her eyes. And she surprised them both when she leaned forward, giving him a quick kiss on the lips. She was gone before he could react, exiting the car and coming around to open his door.

"Come on, Marty. You owe me some waffles."

And he happily let her drag him from the car, draping an arm over her shoulders as they walked to the restaurant. She smiled, shoving aside her nervousness over the whole situation and leaned into his half embrace. So much for control.

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><p>A few hours and several stacks of waffles later, Kensi and Deeks drove to OSP, parking and entering the peacefully quiet building. It was still early on a Sunday and when there was no crisis going on, OSP was normally quiet and dark on the weekends. The staff had enough crazy cases and long hours that they took the available downtime very seriously. As it was, Kensi noticed the only cars filling the parking area belonged to Hetty, Callen, Eric, and Detective Benson. Kensi quickly reasoned that Callen had probably picked up Sam, and Nell had been with Eric. She smiled to herself; certain it confirmed her theory that their two most talented technical support leads were a couple.<p>

When she and Deeks entered the bullpen, they found Hetty at her desk in a deep conversation with Benson, while Sam and Callen were at their desks arguing about the Lakers game earlier in the week. Seeing movement upstairs in Ops, Kensi reasoned that Eric and Nell were probably busily at work.

Conversations immediately stopped and all eyes turned to Kensi and Deeks as they stopped near the desks where they routinely solved cases, traded jokes and insults, and had generally spent a large portion of their lives. Because she was standing so close to Deeks, she felt the minuscule way his body tensed, his spine straightening with nerves.

Any fears either of them had were quashed when Callen and Sam came over, shaking hands and back-slapping Deeks like a long lost brother. Hetty and Benson followed them over, providing less exuberant, but no less warm, greetings to Deeks.

"Deeks, man, it's good to see you. Even if it's because we have to clean up one of your messes."

Kensi winced at Sam's teasing words, waiting for Deeks to correct him, that in fact it had been Kensi's fault that everything had transpired as it did. But Deeks took the dig in stride, shrugging as Sam slapped him hard enough on the back to make him take a staggered step forward. Callen's words were a little more pointed.

"We're glad to have you back, but sometime you're going to need to tell us what happened."

Kensi tried to catch Deeks' eyes with hers, remembering that they hadn't discussed that further since the night before when she'd pleaded with Deeks not to make her tell him why she'd come to the beach over a month ago and made contact with him. But Deeks studiously refused to meet her eyes, and she guiltily realized he was protecting her. Just as a good partner should.

"We'll touch on that in a little bit, Mr. Callen. In the meantime, Detective Benson, why don't you give us a briefing on where the case stands and Detective Deeks can interject with pertinent information from his undercover operation."

By tacit agreement, Kensi leaned back against her desk and Deeks took his place next to her, crossing his arms over his chest. Benson cleared his throat and pulled out a stack of photographs, passing them around. Kensi watched as a muscle in Deeks' cheek tightened as he glanced at the photos before handing them to her. She flipped through them, seeing similar photos of a bank robbery as the ones they'd seen months ago when Deeks was assigned to the case.

"I'll probably have less to say than Deeks. Since this is a deep undercover, we don't have anything in terms of surveillance or hard evidence. Just the reports from Deeks filtered through you guys. After four months we have an additional bank robbery, which is not unexpected. They tried again to access the bank's secure information on the safe deposit boxes, which suggests they are stepping up their game a little. From the information we've gotten from Deeks, it sounds like he's close to being accepted as their fourth team member."

Benson gestured to Deeks, who nodded. He ran through the first three months of the operation, including detailed information on the suspects and his daily interactions and routine. Kensi watched him speak, hearing the undercurrent of the months of being on his own, months of being on guard with no contact with his normal life. And it struck her how lonely deep undercover work must have been for Deeks.

"It was only a week ago that I first started to get the feeling that they might be leaning towards bringing me in. There were some veiled questions here and there but nothing concrete until last week. I was concerned initially because right after Williams extended the possibility of a job, Smith started asking about Kensi."

Callen held up a hand, palm facing down, his eyes flashing with concern.

"I'd really like to know how Kensi got on their radar at all. There should be no reason that they would have any idea who she is."

Kensi tried not to physically react to Callen's words. She heard the rebuke and concern in his words and she knew he was just looking out for her as his junior agent. But she couldn't help but feel as though he was attacking Deeks in the process. And she couldn't allow that, especially since the whole avalanche that had brought them to where they were was started by her.

"Callen—"

Kensi began to speak but Deeks' hand on her arm stopped her. She looked at him questioningly and he shook his head once, speaking over her.

"Look, it was my fault. I ran into Kensi at a coffee shop a little over a week ago. I wasn't careful and didn't realize I'd been followed. Neither Kensi nor I were expecting to see each other and we reacted when we shouldn't have. To anyone watching it would have seemed like a casual encounter, but Smith is more perceptive than I'd realized. It turns out he was suspicious enough about me that he'd been tailing me and later he asked about Kensi, so I made up a story. But then last night, I was at the Avalon with them and Kensi was there, purely by accident. She was already on Smith's radar. I had to intervene and limit her exposure to them, so Kensi took on a cover as a girl Tyler is interested in. We left the club as quickly as we could."

Kensi tried not to gape openly at Deeks' explanation. If she hadn't known that parts of what he said were untrue, she wouldn't have had a clue he was lying. She tried to ignore the twin flares of anger and appreciation she felt after he spoke. She appreciated that he was willing to take the heat for her, but it also infuriated her that he felt the need to protect her. Glancing over at Callen, Kensi saw the other man's eyes narrow slightly as he examined Deeks.

"Why do I feel like there's something you aren't telling me, Deeks?" Callen challenged, his voice even but forceful. Deeks met his gaze, not blinking or backing down.

"I don't know what to tell you, Callen. Believe me or not."

Callen switched his suspicious gaze to Kensi, awareness creeping into his clear blue eyes when he saw her shift uncomfortably under his scrutiny. She'd never been very good at hiding things from Callen. Knowing she was caught but still wanting to keep some of her dignity intact, she tried to communicate silently with Callen that she would fill him in later. Mercifully Callen nodded, letting the interrogation of Deeks end.

"So how does this end with Ms. Blye now as your undercover backup?"

Hetty's question brought the attention back to the briefing and Kensi decided it was time for her to jump in. Deeks had taken enough heat for the decisions so far. After all, it had been her idea to join him on the undercover.

"I suggested it. It would make Tyler seem like more of a normal guy to have a girlfriend who they can observe and interact with. It'll seem less like he's a possible plant if he has a connection with someone else not associated with their circle. And I thought Deeks could use the backup."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Kensi."

At his dry words she turned to look at him, rolling her eyes with exasperation and punching him in the shoulder.

"That's not what I meant, you moron, and you know it. Fine, I'll say it. I've been worried about my partner. I don't like the idea of Deeks there by himself without immediate backup. I know that's how LAPD does it and Deeks is some undercover idiot savant—"

"Hey now, that's uncalled for—"

"—but he's also one of us. He's NCIS as much as I am. On top of the fact that this mission has been going on for four months, we now have another robbery. And they're stepping up their activity. It may not be long before they're hurting people or taking hostages. I think I can help Deeks gather the information the FBI and LAPD needs to finish this mission. I'm sure he could do it on his own, but who knows how long it would take? And at what risk to the public or himself? I'm not comfortable with Deeks putting his life on the line if he doesn't have to. It isn't okay with me and it shouldn't be okay with any of you."

When Kensi finished, she looked at her team members in turn, daring each of them to contradict her. She saved her last glance for Deeks, and she softened at the awed gratitude she saw in his warm eyes, which remained fixed on her face as Hetty spoke.

"You're absolutely right, Ms. Blye. No one is questioning Mr. Deeks' value on our team or your dedication to him as his partner. I'm not sure I wholly approve of the circumstances of how this has transpired to where we are today, but I agree with the proposed path forward. Mr. Callen?"

Hetty turned to her senior agent, looking for agreement. Callen nodded reluctantly.

"I agree. I didn't mean to make it sound like you aren't a member of this team, Deeks," Callen said, his voice as close to apologetic as it was likely to get. Deeks grinned and shrugged.

"Don't worry about it, man. I wasn't thrilled with the idea at first, either. But Kensi can be very persuasive when she wants to be."

Kensi willed herself not to blush under Deeks' suggestive gaze and resisted the urge to kick him. It was becoming increasingly hard not to physically react to Deeks when he looked at her in ways that were now charged with emotion and memories of his mouth on her and his arms holding her tight.

"So what's the plan with Kensi's alias?" Sam asked. Kensi spoke, again glad to have the mission to divert attention towards.

"I called Eric from the club last night to have him start to build my legend. I told Williams, Thompson and Smith I'm a secretary at a law firm in town. We discussed the general background of Mackenzie Sullivan, her education, geographic background and her time in Los Angeles."

"You're going to need something a little more than simply electronic records for a deep undercover. You're going to need a whole new physical life as well. Apartment, place to go to work, car, the works," Sam observed, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"I agree, Mr. Hanna. I'll have Eric and Nell set Mackenzie Sullivan up with a residence and the physical accouterments of a young woman in Los Angeles. We will have to see what we can do about a job," Hetty said thoughtfully. Benson raised his hand.

"If I can interject, I have a contact with Anderson, Evans & Johnson, the big defense law firm in downtown Los Angeles. I can arrange for Agent Blye to blend in seamlessly there."

Hetty nodded slowly but Kensi was much more interested in Deeks' reaction. His eyes narrowed minutely and he tensed. She tried to catch his eye to see what was bothering him, but he pushed off from her desk, evading meeting her eyes.

"That sounds acceptable. Detective Benson, if you'll follow me upstairs we can work on ironing out the final details with Mr. Beale and Miss Jones. Mr. Deeks, please join us."

Hetty's words were clearly not a request and Deeks quickly complied, leaving her alone with Callen and Sam. And looking at the two senior agents, who surrounded her and formed a perfectly angled triangle with her as the focal point of their attention, she realized she was trapped. And she knew Hetty wanted answers as much as Callen did about how Deeks had supposedly broken his cover and involved her in his undercover mission.

Four months ago she would have resented and resisted the intrusion into what felt like her personal business. But then she also realized that as much as what she felt for Deeks as her partner, friend, and possibly something more seemed like their personal business, it was also NCIS business. Knowing that still didn't make her any less apprehensive about discussing it with Callen and Sam.

"What isn't Deeks saying, Kensi?" Callen asked, getting right to the point. Kensi resisted the urge to fidget and crossed her arms over her chest to try and still her movements.

"Kensi, we're not idiots. We'd have to be blind not to see that something's changed between the two of you. We know Deeks can be unpredictable, but it concerns us that he would jeopardize your safety by potentially putting you in a position that could reveal you as a federal agent." Sam's words were gentle but persuasive. And Kensi realized she was going to have to be truthful with them. She hadn't been intending to hide her mistakes, but she couldn't help but be a little reluctant to reveal so much about what was going on between her and Deeks. But she couldn't have them thinking that Deeks had endangered her or that it was his fault she'd been brought into the undercover assignment.

"Look, it wasn't Deeks who broke his cover. It was me. About a month ago, I went to Venice where I knew he'd be. I didn't approach him; I just sat on the beach while he surfed. But he saw me. And a few weeks later, he was waiting for me at one of the coffee shops I go to. It's my fault, alright? Stop blaming Deeks," Kensi's words rushed out and she knew she sounded defensive. But it was the concerned look that passed between Callen and Sam that really had her worried. Callen rubbed his jaw, then fixed her with a steely gaze.

"This isn't good, Kensi. You two are partners, and I'm glad you're getting along and have built a working relationship based on trust. Anyone can see that exists, even when you annoy the living hell out of each other half the time. But this sounds like a deeper emotional involvement between you. And those can get you or your partner killed."

Callen's words were tinged with unhappy memories that clearly still haunted him. Missions gone wrong, co-workers and partners killed and the threat of what failures could result from distracting human emotions.

"I know Hetty wants Deeks as an agent. But it may be better for both of you if he goes back to LAPD once this operation is finished. We can't operate effectively as a team if he's too worried about your safety to think clearly about following through on a mission or you unnecessarily put yourself in danger trying to cover his back when he's capable of handling himself. You have to trust each other to watch out for one another but you also have to trust that you can each do your jobs. It's not safe for either of you if you're too distracted by your feelings to do what you need to."

Kensi tried to swallow past the thick lump in her throat, surprised at the sting of tears in her eyes. Callen's words reminded her of every fear she had about her relationship with Deeks. That they couldn't be more than partners and friends because the risk was too great. It wasn't something that had tested them in the field yet. They'd survived some dangerous situations, but neither of them had been forced to make a decision weighing the risk of finishing a mission against the choice to save each other. And Kensi couldn't honestly say that she wouldn't throw caution, including her own safety, to the wind to save Deeks. She thought she could remain levelheaded, but she also wasn't sure she completely trusted herself and her emotions when it came to her partner.

And she was scared at the real possibility that Callen would separate them as partners. But just as strongly, she knew that separating them wouldn't solve the problem. Three months of that had only served to push her into making one of the biggest professional mistakes of her career. She knew she had to hold on to what she knew was true, that she trusted Deeks more than anyone else in her life, and hope that the rest, including their ability to make difficult decisions under pressure, would fall in line naturally.

"I know," Kensi whispered, reining in her emotions and looking Callen straight in the eye. "But sending Deeks back to LAPD or giving me another partner isn't going to change what's between us. I don't want anyone else watching my back and neither does he. I think we can handle this. Let us see how this operation goes, but don't make a decision until it's done, alright?"

Kensi pleaded with Callen, not particularly proud of the position she was in and knowing it was of her own making. A part of her cursed the LAPD for ever putting Deeks on this assignment. His absence as her partner was what had forced her to face missing him. If he'd never gone away, she probably could have easily ignored her feelings. But even the part of her that preferred to deny emotion could acknowledge that ignoring her feelings probably wouldn't have lasted forever.

Callen traded glances with Sam again and Kensi watched with mounting frustration and impatience as they seemed to communicate silently. When Callen finally looked back at her he nodded slowly.

"We'll see how this goes. But you both need to remember not to do anything stupid. Don't go reacting without thinking. You have us to back you up, don't forget that."

She nodded, relieved. Past her relief she understood the caution in Callen's words, even if it made her bristle with a little indignation. It was easy to allow judgment to be clouded by emotion when someone you cared about was in danger. Kensi wasn't completely sure that she had a handle on her emotions when it came to Deeks. But she knew they had to try to make it work. Because she couldn't not be his partner. And now they had something to prove to Callen and ultimately to each other.

Kensi glanced upstairs towards Ops, seeing that Deeks and Benson stood outside the main entrance on the balcony over the bullpen. She clued in to the fact that Deeks was uncharacteristically tense. But then Sam called her over to review some procedures for covert communications and her attention shifted. Sparing one last glance at Deeks, she reasoned that he would tell her later if something was bothering him.

In the meantime, adopting her alias as Mackenzie Sullivan was her first priority. She was determined to prove to the LAPD, to Hetty, Callen and Sam, to Deeks, and ultimately to herself that she could handle whatever came her way, no matter what.

She just hoped whatever came didn't endanger her or Deeks; or the relationship neither was quite ready to define.


	8. Chapter 8

**Please see previous chapters for rating, disclaimer, etc.**  
><strong>Note: <strong>So much for the "once a week on Sundays" idea. I guess I'll just post whenever the latest chapter is ready after writing, editing, and beta review. Thank you very much for the favorites, alerts and reviews. Several of you have been very kind to very regularly review and that means a lot. Really, regardless of frequency reviews are always nice to receive. Just as an additional disclaimer, it should come as no surprise that I don't know anything about bank security software. My research and abilities are limited to Google and an overactive imagination. Thanks for taking the time to read and I'd love to hear what you think!

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><p>Reluctantly leaving Kensi with Sam and Callen, Deeks glanced back, recognizing a makeshift firing squad if he ever saw one. But he also reasoned that if anyone could take care of herself, even against a former Navy SEAL and CIA Spook, it was Kensi.<p>

Before reaching Ops, Deeks pulled Benson back, watching to be sure that Hetty was outside of earshot. The other detective looked at him curiously. Even though Deeks could give almost any normal person the benefit of the doubt, the years of shady undercover assignments had also made him suspicious and cautious of many people and situations. Because if you were always prepared for the worst, you were never disappointed or heartbroken. It was a lesson he seemed to learn and re-learn over and over. Being a hopeless optimist and a jaded realist was never an easy combination.

And up until almost two years ago, he'd thought that in a world full of people, at least he could trust most cops. Certainly not all of them, since he'd met his fair share of dirty cops while working undercover. He'd been naïve and optimistic enough to think that most people who became cops had reasons similar to his. But when one killed his handler and attempted to kill him, it had changed how he looked at his fellow police officers.

The list of people he felt like he could really trust had become very short. It had taken months to realize, but that list was comprised mostly of the people he worked with at NCIS. And he was still struggling with that awareness, that while he was still from the LAPD world, now he fit in better with NCIS. Funny to think that two years earlier he'd had no idea it even existed as an agency.

So while Deeks had no reason to suspect Benson of anything underhanded, he couldn't let the man go without inquiring further.

"Your contact at that law firm?"

"Yeah, at Anderson, Evans & Johnson? What about him?"

"Who is it? How do you know him? And is it someone you trust?"

Benson seemed more confused than put off by his pointed questions. "It's a guy I've known since college; his name is Joshua Scott. I studied Criminal Justice and Josh was pre-Law at UCLA. I went to the police academy and he went to law school. He's a defense lawyer and he likes to represent high paying clients. But he's a straight arrow as far as I know. Never had an arrest and nothing in his history that would suggest he could be a problem."

Deeks nodded slowly, already thinking that he would ask Eric to dig into the man's past just to be sure. Besides, being a lawyer wasn't a crime, as he well knew. But Eric and Nell could find information about him that the LAPD couldn't even dream existed.

"What's going on, Deeks? You know how undercover operations work. No source is 100% trustworthy, but you do the best you can and prepare for the worst. And from what I've seen and heard about this NCIS outfit you work with, they can handle just about anything that gets thrown at them. Agent Blye doesn't strike me as a woman who can't take care of herself," Benson said wryly. Deeks nodded in agreement, knowing the detective was right. But it didn't diminish his need to watch out for his partner.

"Oh, believe me, she can take care of herself, you, me and anyone else that comes after her. But I will not allow her to be put in harm's way because of bad intel from LAPD or some shady source. I'll come after anyone who puts her in danger or hurts her. Are we clear?"

Benson's eyes widened slightly at Deeks' sharp words. He seemed to be trying to gauge whether he should be insulted by Deeks' warning or whether he understood the protective motivation behind it. In the end, instead of choosing to lecture Deeks about his insinuation that the LAPD wasn't trustworthy, he took the words for what they were. Proof of Deeks' loyalties.

"You and I want the same thing, Deeks. These bank robberies to stop and the criminals involved in prison. And if Agent Blye being involved gets us there, I'm all for it. But I'm just as concerned for her safety. Every precaution we can think of will be taken. But you know as well as I do that a million things can go wrong."

Deeks nodded, glancing down at Kensi where she sat huddled with Sam at his desk. He did know how things could go sideways and out of control in a hurry. He'd seen it happen with heart-stopping certainty when Russian assassins had taken her away and a ball of fire enveloped an entire hillside mansion he'd been certain she was in. But it wasn't going to stop him from trying to minimize the risk Kensi was exposed to.

"I'm going to call my contact at Anderson, Evans & Johnson and start getting that set up. We good?" Benson asked, pointedly giving Deeks control of making the decision. Deeks nodded, mustering a casual smile.

"Yeah, we're good. When you're done, come on back and we'll finish getting Kensi's alias set up."

Benson turned away to walk down the hallway to make a phone call and Deeks took a deep breath before turning on his heel towards the door into Ops. He stopped short in surprise when he nearly ran into Hetty, who stood in front of the doorway with her arms crossed and a stern expression on her face.

Swearing under his breath, he cleared his throat quickly to try and hide how she'd unsettled him and crossed his arms nervously.

"Hetty, what—uh—I didn't see you there. What's up?"

"A word, Mr. Deeks," Hetty commanded him with a gesture of her hand, leading him around the second floor balcony to a sheltered corner. He followed silently, keeping his mouth shut until Hetty spoke again, her voice heavy with concern.

"I would ask you for further details about what transpired to bring us to the point where Ms. Blye is involved in your undercover assignment, but I suspect I would just be subjected to more of you falling on your proverbial sword or silence as you refuse to enlighten me."

Deeks opened his mouth to speak, and to question how she'd known he'd been hiding the truth, but he snapped his lips shut as he realized Hetty was, as usual, holding all the cards.

"Don't think for a moment that I don't understand what is going on here. I won't allow either of you to be put in harm's way unnecessarily. You are as much my agent as Ms. Blye is," Hetty emphasized, pointing her finger at him. She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. When she spoke again her tone was less accusatory.

"I won't ask you to betray the trust you and Ms. Blye have. I wasn't born yesterday and I doubt your encounter with her was an accident. Just as I suspect you are protecting your partner. But I know the both of you enough to know that of the two of you, you are better equipped to handle this kind of deep undercover assignment. Ms. Blye is very skilled but she is inexperienced, and I'm concerned for ability to succeed if she is distracted by her emotions or if her judgment is clouded."

Deeks swallowed thickly, trying not to be intimidated by Hetty's uncanny ability to see to the center of things. She was right; he wouldn't betray Kensi's trust, but he could do his best to reassure their boss.

"You know that no deep undercover assignment is risk free. And I won't claim this has unfolded how I would have planned. But I will do everything in my power to keep Kensi safe and finish this assignment."

Hetty nodded thoughtfully, her knowing eyes fixed on his face. "It is never easy when you have a personal connection to a case or your partner. I don't want either of you lost to this because of lapses in judgment. Mistakes happen and we adjust. You are stronger than you know, Mr. Deeks. Trust yourself and know that Ms. Blye trusts and will look to you."

Deeks nodded, strangely moved that Hetty seemed to know and understand the mutual dependence that he and Kensi had developed. And her acceptance of what had happened to bring them to where they were, despite the mistakes that might have transpired, ultimately eased his mind that he hadn't risked Hetty's respect or his place at NCIS.

Hetty nodded and then moved away and back towards ops. Deeks took a moment to compose himself, mentally sifting through the weight of responsibilities he was now carrying. The easiest one, beyond his duty as a cop and to his job, was his responsibility to Kensi. It was an obligation he was honored to shoulder. Straightening his shoulders, he walked back towards the doors to Ops.

A quick glance around the room told him that Eric and Nell were busy establishing Kensi's cover, as her photo on a California driver's license with the name "Mackenzie Sullivan," as well as documents ranging from school records to apartment leases, were layered on the screens all around the room.

"—and we've got a vacant apartment in Santa Monica that I can easily modify the records so it shows that Mackenzie Sullivan has been living there for several years. It's one of our safe house properties so it's clean."

"Deeks!"

He turned at his name, inexplicably pleased to have gotten such an exuberant greeting from Nell. The young intelligence analyst came up to him swiftly and flashed him a happy, yet self-conscious, grin. What surprised him more than he ever would have been able to say was when she reached forward and gave him an awkward but strong hug.

Nell seemed to comprehend the uncharacteristic display of affection right after silence fell on the room, and she pulled back quickly, a blush rising to her cheeks. Deeks grinned at her, squeezing her shoulder affectionately to reassure her. As often as not, Nell had been his connection to the outside world during his weekly check-ins, and where Eric was always professional and to the point, Nell was often the one who had come to represent his emotional connection to the NCIS team, and specifically to Kensi.

He'd always been careful not to ask about his partner, but in the silence of what he didn't ask, Nell had always seemed to sympathize and understand. And that human connection had been one he'd latched onto and looked forward to. So while his feelings for Kensi had certainly deepened during their time apart, his relationship with Nell had done the same, just in a different way. Her shrewd eyes looking up at him told him that she was reading him very easily, something that should have made him nervous but didn't. Nell didn't have a nefarious bone in her body. Just like everyone at NCIS, he would bet his life that he could trust her. Even with guarding his all too transparent feelings for Kensi.

"I'm glad to see you too, Nell," he said to her, tugging at a lock of her short red hair and giving her a wink, which just caused her blush to deepen. A quick glance at Eric confirmed to Deeks that the other man looked surprised at and a little suspicious of the physical contact. Deeks chuckled to himself, thinking there was probably more to Kensi's theory than he'd originally thought.

"Ms. Jones, if we could continue?"

Hetty's pointed voice pulled Nell back and she returned to her place next to Eric, pulling up a series of records and information, running through Mackenzie Sullivan's history of tax returns, education, employment, and residences until Hetty was satisfied with what she heard. It took several minutes, and by the time Nell and Eric were finished, Sam, Callen, and Kensi had joined them, followed by Benson who was pocketing his phone.

"Very good Mr. Beale, Ms. Jones. Ms. Blye, your alias to fill the role as Marty Tyler's new girlfriend is complete, except for your day job. Detective Benson?"

"My contact at Anderson, Evans & Johnson said he can assign Agent Blye as an administrative assistant to one of the firm's partners, no questions asked. He's willing to adjust her personnel record to show she's been working there for several years. It's a big firm, so a cursory glance from the outside won't reveal anything. But if we want the cover to be solid in case anyone is watching, Agent Blye will need to take on the job full time." Benson's tone was apologetic as he glanced at Kensi. She simply shrugged and smiled.

"I guess I'll get to brush up on my word processing and filing skills."

"Very good, Ms. Blye. Now, let's talk about contact protocol. My understanding is that Mr. Deeks has been checking in once a week with us. I think that protocol should continue to be observed. However, Ms. Blye is a new element to the suspects and we don't want to give anyone any reason for suspicion. Ms. Blye, you will also be deep undercover, no contact with NCIS or the LAPD. Your sole contact will be Mr. Deeks. That also means no gun, no badge, and you will be completely cut off from your life for the duration of the assignment. Are you prepared for that?"

Hetty's statement and question had been brutally blunt, and Deeks felt a pang of guilt for what his undercover assignment was doing to the team, Kensi's life, and the active NCIS case load. But looking around at Sam and Callen, he didn't see any irritation on their faces, just complete support and attention to the details so they could be available as back up if they were needed. And glancing quickly at Kensi, he saw no hesitation in her quick nod to Hetty.

"I am. I understand what this means, Hetty. It was my idea, after all," Kensi looked back at Deeks, giving him a rueful smile, one he returned quickly.

"Very well. I'll get you outfitted for the assignment and have the apartment set up for you to occupy by this afternoon. Detective Benson will provide you with the information on your job to start tomorrow. And you and Mr. Deeks should work out your protocol for interactions. And both of you, please remember to be safe. Your primary mission is to bring each other home safe and sound. Beyond that, build the case so this undercover operation can be closed as soon as humanly possible. I do want my agents, _both_ of my agents, back in one piece."

Deeks nodded along with Kensi, and the team separated again, going their different ways to prepare for the operation. Kensi followed Hetty to wardrobe while Deeks followed Sam and Callen back to the bullpen to discuss mission protocol. Deeks sighed, knowing they were going to go over things he already knew. But he also knew he would have to endure it, for Kensi's sake.

"Listen, guys. I know the drill. I've already been doing this for four months. Not to mention the last five years or so."

Callen held up a hand to stop him, glancing over his shoulder to be sure Hetty and Kensi were out of earshot.

"We know, Deeks. We aren't worried about you. But Kensi has never been on a deep undercover like this. We trust you to look out for her but you also need to keep an eye on her. Long-term, these can be difficult. You know that better than anyone. But she's going to need you for support and that's going to make an already stressful operation more stressful for you."

Deeks was speechless, shocked at what could only be called the grudging respect in Callen's tone. He'd spent so long as the weakest link in the chain that being told otherwise was almost hard to believe.

"I get it, Callen. I'm used to working on my own, too, so this is going to be an adjustment for me. But I think with Kensi there, this will actually go better. And hopefully quicker. I'll do everything I can to keep her safe and keep an eye on her," Deeks said, as always careful not to make broad promises he couldn't keep. As much as he wanted to say _I won't let anything happen to her_, he knew he couldn't. All he could do was try. Callen nodded and this time Deeks didn't miss the respect in the other man's eyes.

"We know you will. And don't forget that we're here to help, too. And it's just as important for you to come back in one piece."

"Wow, Callen, I didn't know you cared so much. Does this mean you've missed me?"

Deeks couldn't resist the verbal jab and was rewarded with a suffering sigh from Callen. Sam shook his head slowly.

"You just couldn't resist taking a nice moment and sullying it, could you?"

Deeks spread his arms out and grinned widely.

"Come on, Sam, if you want to hug me, I'll completely understand. Hell, I might even hug back."

Callen snorted and Sam fixed Deeks with a steely gaze that would have made lesser men cringe. Deeks simply smiled and finally dropped his arms, slipping his hands into his jeans pockets casually.

"That's ok, we can keep it our little secret. Wouldn't want to make Kensi and Nell jealous," Deeks said, giving the guys a quick grin. Sam looked as though he was tempted to reach forward to strangle Deeks, who was contemplating taking a step backward when Kensi rejoined them, her hands busily tucking a new wallet, car keys, and cell phone into her new purse. Grateful for the interruption, Deeks sidled up to her, catching her eye.

"You all set?"

"Just about. Hetty gave me some clothes and things I'll need, but it also looks like I'll be going on a shopping spree this afternoon." Kensi held up several Visa gift cards. "Untraceable so the suspects can't track Mackenzie Sullivan's sudden purchase of a new wardrobe since that would look suspicious."

Deeks nodded in approval, knowing that they'd covered just about everything they needed to at OSP. Glancing at his watch and seeing it was after noon, he also realized he needed to be getting back to Venice to dive back into his cover. Making the rounds of goodbyes, he returned to Kensi, who was also gathering her things to leave. By silent agreement they walked out together towards her new vehicle, an older and slightly worn looking Honda. Kensi glanced longingly at her SUV before manually unlocking the doors of her cover vehicle.

Deeks hopped into the passenger seat and let Kensi do the driving until they reached his neighborhood. He directed her down the streets to his apartment, and she pulled over in front of the building he'd called home the last four months. Leaving the car idling, she turned to Deeks as he unhooked his seatbelt and reached to unlatch the door and get out. He stopped at the unexpected touch of her hand on his thigh, trying to ignore how the light pressure of her fingers felt like a bolt of electricity. His eyes locked with hers and seeing the concern there, he reached up, cupping the side of her face with his hand.

"You alright?"

His tone was whispered but genuinely concerned. They hadn't really gotten to talk since earlier that morning and Deeks knew her. Kensi's mind was already whirling and thinking of all the angles of their undercover assignment. But Deeks knew that oftentimes with deep undercover operations, the key was not over-thinking things. It was definitely possible to be too calculating and tip your hand. The important part, and often the hard part, was really becoming your cover. Kensi was very good at thinking on her feet and spinning a cover quickly. But maintaining that cover for an extended period of time was newer to her.

"I'm good. Just trying to become Mackenzie Sullivan as quickly as I can so I can do this right."

Deeks nodded, knowing with absolute certainty that Kensi would be fine as soon as she could let go a little. It was easier for him, especially since he'd been Marty Tyler for longer. And it wasn't hard to conjure up emotions and reactions to Mackenzie Sullivan. They were innately already a part of him, since he couldn't deny he was also reacting to Kensi as Deeks, as himself. And even though he knew it bordered on dangerous, he didn't think he could separate the two. An annoying voice at the back of his mind tried to remind him that wasn't a good idea, but he pushed it back, not wishing to dwell any further.

"Don't worry so much, Princess. We've got this. You believe me?"

Kensi's eyes flashed briefly with annoyance at the endearment and then her face softened into a smile.

"Yeah, I do. And don't call me Princess."

Grinning, he reached forward and kissed her forehead, then gave her a quick peck on the lips before exiting the car. He moved quickly, knowing if he didn't he would end up pushing the kiss longer than was strictly wise. He leaned into the open window, not missing the rising color in Kensi's cheeks.

"So I'll see you later, right? Just follow this road down to the beach and hang a left. It's not too far and you'll find parking and the area where people surf. I'll be there later today with the guys so it might be good for you to show up after your shopping."

Kensi nodded her confirmation, and he waited as she pulled away, giving her a wave before he turned to enter his apartment building. He stopped in the garden first, picking up a very eager Monty before he climbed the steps to his apartment, unlocking the door and entering.

It only took seconds upon entering his apartment for him to realize with certainty that someone had been inside while he'd been gone overnight. Circling the room quietly, he took note of piles of books moved just slightly, the casual mess of the apartment not quite how he left it. Carefully and quietly he examined the obvious and less than obvious locations for bugs, finding several. He was careful not to touch them and not to give away that he'd found them.

Grimly, he carried on a cheerful one-sided exchange with Monty as he fed him, both troubled and guardedly optimistic about his discovery.

It meant his suspects were paying attention and that they were suspicious and cautiously vetting him. He could choose to see that as a sign that they were too suspicious or that they were just trying to confirm his fit on the team. Either way, it meant that he and Kensi were going to be closely watched and needed to sell their undercover roles as convincingly as possible.

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><p>It was several hours later, nearing the late afternoon, when Deeks grabbed his surfboard and headed for the beach for the afternoon tide, Monty following close behind. He took a deep breath and looked up at the clear sky, gauging the smell of the wind coming off the ocean and the swirling birds in the sky and smiling. The waves promised to be very good, and even undercover during a stressful operation he was still looking forward to some good surfing. No matter where he was or what he was doing, surfing had always been a relaxing haven for him.<p>

It was late March after a very wet winter and the weather was turning unseasonably warm after months of rain. Rain didn't deter surfing all that much, just limited the number of good days. Bad weather days still made for great surfing. And southern California even during the winter was still a fairly sunny place to be. But Deeks was glad to finally be able to leave his wetsuit and rash guard at home.

For a Sunday afternoon the beach was fairly crowded with swimmers, surfers, and sunbathers. The nearby Santa Monica beach was usually more popular with people who came to the beach just to hang out since it was a little cleaner and tourist friendly. Venice Beach was known to attract a slightly rougher crowd and more of the serious surfers, though the surf snob in Deeks scoffed at that—he knew there were much better breaks to surf than the one at Venice Beach. He sighed longingly, thinking of his favorite spot in Malibu.

Catching sight of Jesse Thompson and Derek Smith out in the water, he raised a hand in greeting, earning a few distant yells in welcome. Deeks scanned the beach and found Mike Williams waxing his board and he approached, dropping his towel on the sand next to the other man. Williams looked up, shooting him a wide smile.

"The walk of shame finally brings you back to the beach! It must have been a good night with that girl. Was she as hot in bed as she looked?"

Deeks struggled internally for a second, resisting the urge to warn Williams to have a little more respect while ramming his fist down the man's throat, knowing that Marty Tyler would react much more casually to the slight.

Deeks didn't like the idea of anyone disrespecting Kensi that way, but the rules were different for this undercover operation. As much as it killed him not to be able to put Williams in his place, he had to tamp down that compulsion. And he concluded that he needed to react somewhere between the two pieces of who he was. Kensi needed to be accepted as a serious fixture in Tyler's life, not just as a one night stand.

"She was really great. You're not getting any more details, that's between her and me and that's all I'm saying. And she's coming by later so try to be nice to her," Deeks kept the right amount of warning and nonchalance in his tone, shooting the other man a look to communicate that he was serious. Williams looked momentarily surprised, then held up a hand in deference.

"Hey, I didn't mean anything by it. If you say she's cool then who am I to argue?"

"Who's cool?"

Deeks looked up at Thompson and Smith, who approached from the beach, carrying their surfboards and dripping wet from the ocean. Williams shot Deeks a smile and then turned back to the other two men.

"Marty's new girl, the one from last night. She's coming by later. Sounds like it might be serious," Williams teased good-naturedly. Thompson nodded pleasantly but Deeks watched Smith more closely, knowing his was the reaction he needed to gauge the most. The other man didn't disappoint, giving him a calculating and disbelieving smile.

"Really? No offense man, but she seemed like an awfully fine piece of ass to give you more than a second look. She's probably already moved on to some other guy already. I wouldn't be surprised if you don't see that chick again."

Deeks felt his blood beginning to boil, and he'd taken a step towards Smith before he realized it, shoving the other man hard once in the shoulder.

"And I think you need to watch yourself. I'm not going to allow you to talk about her like that."

Deeks watched as Smith's eyes flashed, and too late he realized he'd played right into the other man's hands. Smith didn't like that Williams and Thompson wanted him on the team, and he was looking for a way to force him out. Creating a physical rift was one way to do it and looking into his background was another. Which meant Smith had probably been the one to plant the bugs, trying to find something on him, and Williams and Thompson may have had nothing to do with it.

Trying to force down his anger over what the other man had said about Kensi, Deeks realized Thompson had a firm hand on his shoulder holding him back, while Williams had stepped in front of Smith, pushing the other man back. And Deeks saw the simmering anger in Smith's face, his defiance quelled only by his grudging respect of their group's leader.

"Knock it off, Derek. I know you grew up in a shithole part of Los Angeles but that doesn't mean all women are whores. Marty's with us now and it wouldn't kill you not to be a dick to him or his girl."

The warning was clear in Williams' tone, and although it seemed to pain Smith, he nodded slowly. He refused to offer Deeks anything resembling an apology and instead he picked up his board and headed back towards the water. Williams exhaled and turned to go after him, but not before looking at Deeks.

"Sorry about that, Marty. You know Derek, he's got anger issues. And he's probably just jealous you managed to get a woman like that. I'll talk to him."

Deeks nodded his gratitude and let Williams go, kneeling down to wax his board before hitting the waves. He chose to see the reactions he'd garnered as a good thing. If Williams had sided with Smith, that would have signaled a significant problem. But instead it looked like he had firm allies in Williams and Thompson. Deeks gave Monty a quick pat to reassure him, since the dog had been tensely watching his owner during the exchange. Thompson tossed him the wax and he nodded his appreciation.

"Just ignore Derek. Mike's right, he's got issues. I know you guys haven't always gotten along."

"Doesn't matter to me. We don't need to be best pals and make up a secret handshake sealing our friendship. I'm fine with being purely business associates with Smith. But I appreciate you and Mike intervening."

Thompson accepted the thanks quietly and they both worked quietly for a few minutes. Deeks was finishing up when Thompson spoke up.

"Hey, you familiar with that new banking software security system, called Orpheus 5.4?"

Deeks paused, pretending to think about the question. His time investigating robberies with the LAPD had taught him a lot, and what he didn't know he'd been well informed on thanks to Eric.

"Yeah, Orpheus 5.4 was developed by Rapport. There are some updates to the software that are supposed to have worked out the holes in the previous version. I don't know that I believe it; there were some pretty massive breaches in the previous version that would be hard to patch, even with a closed circuit system. Which most banks don't have these days. As much as they want to keep their information secure, they also want to be intricately connected to each other. And those connections create vulnerabilities."

Deeks looked up, keeping his tone casual and confident when he spoke. He was rewarded with an approving nod from Thompson.

"Well, you might want to further research those vulnerabilities."

Deeks nodded slowly, pretending to take in and consider Thompson's words. Then he rose, tossing the wax on the towel.

"Got it, consider it done. Now, we gonna surf or what?"

Switching from crime to surfing with the ease of the morally ambiguous, Thompson nodded, bouncing to his feet and leading the way to the water. And Deeks followed close behind, feeling more jubilant than he had in four months of undercover work that things were finally starting to pay off.

* * *

><p>The afternoon shadows were lengthening as Kensi pulled her car into the parking lot, putting the car in park and quickly scanning the area, her guarded instincts kicking in. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes, trying to subdue the impulse. She knew she would need to change how she responded in almost every situation. Kensi Blye might be constantly scanning and assessing for threats, but Kensi Sullivan wouldn't react that way. The only scanning the scene she would do was probably to look for her new boyfriend.<p>

With her eyes closed, Kensi allowed herself a small smile, Deeks' face—no, _Marty's face_—coming to her mind easily. She could not slip up and accidentally call him Deeks. She couldn't destroy the months he'd spent on the undercover operation and ruin it for him. Even though she knew he didn't worry about her doing just that, she did. But she tried to convince herself that if Deeks wasn't concerned about it, she would try not to be either.

She opened her eyes, squinting against the low sun beginning to set over the horizon. It took a few minutes but she finally spotting him out in the water, paddling back out to the waves after having just finished riding in. She watched him for a few minutes, watched how natural and at ease he seemed out on the water.

The men Kensi had been attracted to throughout her life were usually men of action, men who worked with their hands and fixed problems with their physical strength and skills. Although she'd dated intellectuals and businessmen, she usually found them boring. Having practical skills like knowing how to fix a car, clean a gun, or build something seemed much more useful to her. It was funny then that she was so drawn to Deeks. He was something in between.

He certainly had practical skills borne from his years with the LAPD. He was an excellent shot, something she would only grudgingly admit. He thought quickly on his feet and knew how to take down suspects successfully. But Deeks possessed other skills that a few short years ago she wouldn't have seen the need for. He was good with people, even complete strangers he'd just met. People felt immediately calm and receptive around him. He had a mind for details and was doggedly persistent, whether it was when he was chasing a suspect, annoying her, or trying to find the best Thai place to eat lunch. And she had benefited greatly from his wide and vast knowledge of eateries across the greater Los Angeles area.

But Deeks lacked many of the qualities she'd long thought important in a man. He wasn't good at tracking or hotwiring any kind of vehicle, he was useless in a knife fight (though she had to admit he could grapple even Sam and Callen to the ground), and he seemed to be allergic to the great outdoors. He hadn't met a timeshare he didn't like, and Kensi was pretty sure the closest he came to hiking was his jogging on the beach.

But watching him out on the water, so in tune with the waves, his body moving with a fluidity that only came from being so naturally good at something, she felt her heart turn over as something in her rejected all her previous notions about what she found attractive in a man. It was a dangerous feeling and not one Kensi wanted to dwell on. She could not fall in love with her partner and her best friend. It was the worst possible idea and the worst possible time.

Shoving the thought away, Kensi got out of her car, grabbing her beach bag and towel before locking the door. She glanced down at her clothing, taking stock of the frayed denim shorts covering up the bikini bottoms she wore, along with the top and loose button-up cotton shirt as a cover up. Kensi had spent an afternoon shopping for clothing she would need as Kensi Sullivan, agonizing at length over what the woman's fashion style was.

Normally she wouldn't have questioned her instincts as much, but she couldn't help but over-think this operation. Deeks was counting on her and she felt a strong desire not to fail him, even in the little things like wearing clothing that matched her alias. Finally she'd decided Kensi Sullivan wasn't quite as flashy as the quintessential beach bunny, that she had some tinge leftover from her small-town-girl roots. Kensi was herself a very no nonsense woman when it came to fashion, makeup, and hair. She was going to step it up a little as her cover, wearing clothing that was a little shorter, a little more flirty, and a lot less utilitarian.

Kensi took a deep breath, hoping her instincts had been right, and began to stride over the sand towards Monty, where she figured Deeks would have left his stuff. Monty turned as he heard her coming and immediately ran towards her, barking and wagging his tail happily. She smiled at the dog, following him back to his spot on the sand as he danced around her legs. Putting her bag and towel down, she leaned over and pet the dog. She was so absorbed in Monty that she didn't see Deeks approach until he was only a few feet away.

"Kensi."

Her name on his lips, his voice warm and happy to see her, caused her to lift her head, her eyes traveling from his sandy feet up the dark blue board shorts, over his tanned and toned stomach and chest, broad shoulders, and finally to his face. And when her heart flipped traitorously, Kensi had a feeling she was already in too deep and too far gone to save herself.

Even though she tried to chant the reminder in her head—_it's a cover, it's a cover, it's a cover_—she couldn't quite make herself believe that the warmth in his eyes, his wide smile and dark blue eyes drinking her in wasn't for her. And the purely female and superficial part of her couldn't help but respond to that playful smile with one of her own.

"Marty."

She saw the brief, almost pleased, flash in his eyes at her use of his name, and then his smile widened into something more intimate than she was used to seeing directed her way from him. As she stood, she tried to slow down the quick beating of her overactive heart, and she stepped towards him, drinking in the sight of wet hair raked back from his face and water dripping and drying down his broad shoulders and chest. Unbidden, Kensi's eyes drifted, taking in the smooth expanse of his chest down to the trail of fine, almost transparently blond hair near his navel. Swallowing past the sudden lump in her throat, she raised her eyes, feeling her heart hammer even faster at the heated glaze in Deeks' eyes.

Responding more on instinct than anything else, she reached forward to place a hand on his chest, her free arm going up to rest on his shoulder. His skin, smooth and sun-warmed beneath hers, felt inexplicably comforting. He rewarded her movements, stepping closer to her and wrapping one hand around her waist to bring her tight against him, the other hand moving to cradle her neck.

At the feeling of his stomach, his bare skin over taut muscle against hers, Kensi couldn't have stopped the shiver that ran through her body even if she'd wanted to. And even though there was a part of her slightly humiliated at the incredibly blatant signals her body was giving off to Deeks, upon seeing and feeling the answering call from his body and eyes, she couldn't help but feel a certain sense of feminine satisfaction. She didn't miss the way his skin shivered against hers.

As if trying to keep some kind of respectable distance from her, Deeks attempted to pull back from her, but Kensi tightened her hold, keeping him in place. At the surprised glint in his eyes, she leaned forward, whispering to him before touching her lips lightly to his.

"We spent the night together last night, remember? If you weren't happy to see me, I should probably be insulted," Kensi's voice was low and a murmur against his lips. She waited as Deeks seemed to consider her words, then his surprise turned into a lazy smile and he ducked his head to capture her lips in a deep kiss and pressed his body fully against hers.

Kensi reacted easily to his touch, losing herself in the feeling of his soft lips against hers, the light scratch of his scruff abrading her face. Before being kissed by Deeks, she would never have wanted to kiss a man with facial hair. Now it almost seemed like she would be missing something elemental without it.

His light touches on her skin turned more insistent as the fingers on one hand drifted below the waistband of her shorts while the other drew a lazy path on her collarbone underneath the tie of her bikini top. Reasoning that two could play that game, she brought her hand down his chest and around, her fingers tickling over his ribs and side. With an almost high-pitched yelp, he pulled back from her, laughing and trying to twist away from her hands.

Kensi grinned, delighted to have found a chink in Deeks' armor. And one she could fully exploit. As he attempted to get away from her waggling fingers, Deeks took off for the water. Kensi kicked off her flip flops and followed close behind, finally catching up to him near the water's edge. They playfully wrestled for a few minutes, Deeks gasping for air and Kensi laughing, until suddenly her world tilted and she had an upside down view of the tanned expanse of his back as Deeks threw her over his shoulder in a kind of fireman's hold.

The air left her lungs and she made a fruitless attempt at struggling, made all the more futile with his firm hold around the back of her knees, anchoring her to his chest. Seeing the water swirling around his ankles, she tried to break free. Then, using one of the few available tools in her arsenal, she reached for the sensitive spot on his sides.

"Oh, no. That's what got us here in the first place. Besides, you wouldn't want me to drop you, would you?" Deeks' tone was teasing as the water reached up to his thighs. Kensi immediately stilled her movements.

"You wouldn't."

Deeks shrugged, the movements shifting her slightly against his shoulder as he paused and seemed to consider her words.

"I think I would."

Before she had a chance to respond, Deeks bent forward and dropped her into the lapping waves of the ocean. Kensi felt outraged for a moment, and then concluded that her indignation had more to do him having gained the upper hand than being upset about being dunked. She couldn't deny that the water was warm and pleasant. Still, it wasn't in her to let him get off that easily.

Seeing his feet in the water, she kicked out, easily toppling him, sputtering, into the water next to her. When they both came up for air laughing, she grinned at him, seeing the answering smile on his face. And then he reached for her, his hands gently pulling her close. The teasing was gone and Kensi went easily into his arms.

Kensi felt the lapping of the warm water around them and the heat of the setting sun at her back, but all those sensations went away when his lips captured hers. She parted her lips eagerly, welcoming the rasping pressure of his tongue swooping into her mouth. She felt like she could get drunk off the salty taste of him. She was disappointed when Deeks pulled back with a few soft kisses, his hands coming up to smooth away her wet hair from her face as he gazed at her, his eyes drinking her in.

She closed her eyes against the gentle caresses of his hands, almost scared to meet the intensity of his deep blue eyes, shaded in the golden light with that touch of green she loved. It reminded her of the ocean, which reminded her of him.

"Marty, don't you know anything about girls? They generally don't like it when you throw them in the water."

The wry voice standing over them chastised Deeks, and Kensi opened her eyes to see Mike Williams and Jesse Thompson standing a few feet away, both looking amused and incredulous. Grinning at the two men, Kensi turned to Deeks, planting a wet kiss on his already wet cheek before she struggled to stand up, taking the hand Williams offered her.

"I'm not the sort of girl who comes to the beach and doesn't want to get wet. Nice to see you guys again," Kensi said, giving them a friendly wave as she attempted to wring out her shirt. Without looking behind her she sighed and rolled her eyes skyward. "Marty, stop staring at my ass."

Williams and Thompson howled with laughter, and she grinned at the sound of Deeks sputtering indignities behind her as he struggled to stand up, slinging an arm around her shoulders.

"I'm just not sure how I feel about you wearing those wet, clinging shorts for every guy to see," he said, nuzzling her ear.

"Then you probably shouldn't have dunked me in the water," she replied sweetly, giving him a pointed smile. "But I can take care of the shorts."

And before any of the men could utter a word she'd unbuttoned the shorts and pushed them off, revealing the bikini bottoms she wore underneath. Kensi leaned down, picking up her shorts from the water, and walked towards her towel without a backward glance. The stunned silence that followed her departure was finally interrupted by Thompson.

"Dude, that is one awesome girl."

Kensi barely kept her laughter to herself at Thompson's slightly awed tone and then she turned quickly, balling up the sodden shorts and throwing them at Deeks' chest. Although he'd been fixated on the lower part of her body as she walked away with a slight sway of her hips, he handily caught her clothing in one hand, meeting her eyes with his own. She tossed him a smile and then sat on her towel, putting sunglasses on and stretching out to enjoy the last remaining hour or so of the setting sun.

She glanced at Deeks with Thompson and Williams behind her sunglasses as they conferred for a few seconds, and the two men headed back out to the water while Deeks trotted up to her, bending down so he was almost eye level.

"Nice moves there, Kensi," he murmured quietly, his voice admiring and appreciative. She smiled and nodded her thanks. "We're going to surf another hour and then you and I can head out, alright?"

"Sure thing. Monty will keep me company, won't you, boy?" Kensi said, resting an arm against the dog's furry back. His tail thumped happily against the sand in response. Deeks leaned over to give her a quick kiss, seemingly unable to help himself, before he picked up his surf board and headed back towards the water.

Kensi watched him dive back on his board, ducking under the waves as he paddled out to the break, amazed in that moment how so much could change in just a short day. Months of worry, anxiety, and longing had changed in less than twenty-four hours. And even though they still had a serious job ahead of them, she felt better knowing they would handle it together.

Left by herself on the beach with the easy cover of watching her surfer boyfriend, Kensi let her mind wander, reflecting back on the moments after she'd arrived on the beach. She'd been far more physically aggressive and Deeks had been far more physically playful than they'd ever been with each other.

They'd both instantly been different versions of themselves. And although that was, after all, the point of being undercover, they'd also stayed themselves. If Kensi had to pinpoint how it felt, it was freeing. Back in the beginning of their partnership, it had taken awhile to just be herself with Deeks. It had taken them trusting each other. And it had taken him nearly being flattened by a semi and then disappearing for three months on an undercover for them both to realize their trust was deepening into something more. But even now, once they'd reached that point, there were still things keeping them apart.

Fear of rejection. Doubt of feelings being returned. Concern about his safety, about her safety. And the unwritten rules about partners being involved. Kensi still wasn't sure of all the things that were questions in her mind, but she was becoming more and more sure that her partner meant more to her than a simple co-worker. Even knowing that, she was still scared to voice her feelings.

Because knowing it was one thing. Admitting it was something far scarier.


	9. Chapter 9

**Please see previous chapters for rating, disclaimer, etc.**  
><strong>Note:<strong> Thanks so much for the reviews, alerts and favorites! Hearing what some of you think has been very interesting and fun. Last week's longer chapter was well received so here's a nice long one too. There's a bit of a relationship leap in this chapter but I think it works considering where Kensi and Deeks are at in this story. And trust me when I say there's still plenty of story, angst and issues to be weathered. This is only the beginning. Thanks for reading!

* * *

><p>Unable to help himself, Deeks stole another glance back at the beach, resisting the urge to pinch his own arm. He couldn't help continually reassuring himself that Kensi was there, sunbathing in a bikini and looking like something he'd dreamed, watching him surf. And he didn't even think it was a wise idea to dwell too much on the enthusiastic greeting she'd given him, or their playful wrestling in the water. If those were one time experiences they were ones he was planned to re-live in his head over and over again.<p>

Strangely enough, he wasn't sure they were going to be one time experiences. If it were a different woman, he would probably know for sure. But Kensi had always kept him on his toes. It was thrilling and frustrating the way she kept him guessing. But he would have to be an idiot not to notice the signals she was giving him. And he knew her well enough to know it wasn't just the undercover operation. She'd been a mystery when they first met and for the first few months of their partnership. But by now he knew her better than anyone. And he knew she felt more for him than as just her partner. The mystery lay in the depth of her feelings.

The question most on his mind, and he suspected on Kensi's as well, was what they were going to do about it. He pondered that thought, sitting on his board and watching her, letting the sway of the waves drift around him.

"Hey, man," Williams paddled up next to him, angling his board next to Deeks. He gestured back at the beach. "Kensi seems like a great girl."

"Yeah, she is," Deeks said, not having to pretend his enthusiasm. But he didn't miss the way Williams' face turned serious.

"I don't know how much you told her about your record or any of that. But we keep our business between the four of us. We clear on that?"

Deeks adopted a surprised expression, the conversation bringing it home to him that it wasn't just another day on the beach and that he and Kensi were dealing with dangerous criminals. It was a good reminder of what he couldn't ever forget. Because forgetting could mean someone could get hurt. It could mean Kensi got hurt.

"Of course. She knows I did time but she won't know anything about what's going on. Far as she knows we surf, we hang out, that's it."

Deeks didn't miss the way Williams studied him carefully, then nodded as he seemed to believe him.

"Alright. I don't mean to be a hard ass but I gotta protect what we have going. Understood?"

Deeks met the other man's eyes and nodded, clearly seeing the implication in his dark eyes. He suppressed the unease racing down his spine, understanding clearly that Williams was not above threatening Kensi. And even though Deeks knew Kensi could take care of herself and wasn't in any danger at that moment, he felt something instinctively primal and protective swelling in his chest. And something akin to fear quickly followed. All were feelings he tamped down, knowing he had to in order to think clearly and to keep the operation secure and to ultimately keep both himself and Kensi alive.

So even though it galled him and went against every instinct he had, he simply nodded at Williams, confirming what the other man wanted to know. The moment passed as Williams clapped him on the shoulder and paddled back towards the waves. Deeks followed suit, wishing he could will away the unease swirling in his gut. He had to find a way to be in control and not unsettled to the point of distraction over what he feared could happen to Kensi. He had a feeling it was going to be an easier thought than action.

After riding another few waves, Deeks found his gaze shifting back to Kensi, his protective instincts kicking into high gear when he saw that Derek Smith was hunched down next to her, seemingly engaging her in conversation. Nothing about her body language suggested Kensi was in any sort of distress, but everything in him told him to get back on the beach.

Riding a wave in, he picked up his board, trudging up the sand dune at what he hoped appeared to be a casual pace. As he got closer, both Smith and Kensi glanced at him, Kensi giving him a wide smile. Deeks took the towel she offered him and swiped it over his body and head before he sat down next to Kensi, casually taking her hand in his and lacing his fingers with hers. The quick squeeze she gave his hand reassured him that she was fine.

"Derek was just filling me in on how you all met a couple months ago. I didn't realize all four of you are from southern California," Kensi said brightly. Smith spoke to Deeks but his eyes remained fixed on Kensi's face.

"And Kensi was just telling me about how she grew up in Oregon and came to live here."

Deeks nodded, not missing the weight Smith put on his words. He was cataloguing and making mental notes for later. Deeks had long suspected that Smith was likely the team member with the hacking skills. And he would most definitely be checking Kensi out. Deeks wasn't worried on that count. Eric and Nell's backstopping was ironclad.

"It's your typical small-town-girl-comes-to-Hollywood story. With the typical ending of the aspiring actress who doesn't make it big as an actress. But I'm not bitter, I like it here, much better than the rain in Oregon. And the guys are cuter," Kensi said, her tone flirting as she winked at Deeks. He raised an eyebrow.

"'Guys'? Something you want to tell me?" he asked, measuring his tone with enough masculine possessiveness to put her on notice. His Kensi would have punched him in the arm for the male posturing. However, Kensi Sullivan was the kind of girl that didn't mind her boyfriend a little territorial. She didn't disappoint him, shifting ever closer to him and putting an arm around his waist.

"Nope, not a thing," she murmured, smiling innocently up at him. He grinned down at her.

"Good."

Smith cleared his throat abruptly and stood, picking up his surfboard.

"I'm heading out. See you tomorrow, Marty. And when will we see you again, Kensi?"

Again Deeks heard the underlying intensity in Smith's casual question. Kensi blithely answered, affecting the air of obliviousness.

"Oh, I'll be around. Next weekend for sure."

With a backwards wave Smith was off and Deeks watched him go, keeping Kensi's hand in his. Kensi's deep breath in his ear had him looking into her knowing dark eyes.

"That guy gives me the creeps. He's dangerous."

Deeks silently held Kensi's eyes for a moment, deciding to take his own life into his hands.

"Yeah, he is. I don't want you alone with him. Ever."

She rolled her eyes and shifted away from him, standing to pull on her damp shorts and then leaning over to collect her towel and bag.

"You don't need to worry about me. I could handle him if it ever came to that."

Feeling the flash of worried anger, Deeks was on his feet in an instant and reaching for her arm to stop her. His touch was firm but gentle where his fingers encircled her forearm. Her surprised eyes met his and softened in a second after she saw his concern for her reflected in his eyes.

"Just humor me, ok? I don't want things to escalate anywhere in the neighborhood of you needing to kick his ass. I don't want it to even be a possibility."

He knew he was being slightly irrational but he couldn't help it. And Kensi's understanding smile and the way she reached up to touch his face gently did manage to calm him a little.

"You know as well as I do that it's a possibility. But I will try my very hardest not to be alone with him. And I'll try not to kick his ass."

Deeks chuckled at her words, following Kensi back towards her car. She turned to him after unlocking the door.

"You should come over to my apartment tonight. I can bring you back in the morning on my way to work," Kensi said, her voice casual but her eyes conveying a more serious message. Deeks wasn't entirely sure what she had up her sleeve but he was more than willing to follow her. Especially if it meant spending the night with her. After loading her things in the car he hooked a thumb pointing towards his apartment.

"I need to drop off my stuff and Monty so meet me back at my place?"

Kensi nodded her agreement and he turned down the street, surfboard under his arm as he took off at a slow run, Monty cheerfully following behind him. Kensi pulled up as they arrived and followed him upstairs. He paused at the apartment door, his hand on the knob as he turned to her quickly, putting a finger to his lips and mouthing the words to inform her that the apartment was bugged. Her face lit with understanding and she followed him in, her curious eyes sweeping over the one room he'd called home the last four months.

"Make yourself comfortable. I'll shower and change and then we can go."

He was as quick as he could possibly be, toweling his hair to somewhere in the neighborhood of damp and throwing a few things in a bag. When he looked up he found Kensi sitting on his bed, examining the pile of books that had formed on the floor that was making an attempt to grow into a tower of books. Sensing his gaze she looked up, quirking an eyebrow up and cocking her head towards his table, where the troublesome Twinkie still sat in the center. He grinned, picking it up and tossing it to her.

"You can have it, if you want. It's sort of yours anyway."

Kensi blushed and he chuckled, noticing she took the Twinkie anyway. And they were barely outside with the door locked and closed behind them when he heard the telltale sound of a plastic wrapper torn open. Deeks grinned at her, not at all surprised to see half the Twinkie already gone.

"Oh, how I've missed that sound."

Kensi rewarded him with a quick shove to his shoulder and he openly laughed, his entire body feeling lighter just being around her. He led Monty into the garden area, settling the dog in for the night and then he returned to Kensi. She wordlessly led the way back to the car, the Twinkie gone by the time they got in and she started the engine. But it was when she turned to smile at him that he felt his heart stall. There was a smudge of filling on her upper lip and his eyes locked on it, his decision made on instinct alone.

Before she could ask what he was looking at, he'd leaned towards her, using his lips and tongue to taste and lick away the filling. He swallowed her surprised gasp, closing his eyes in order to taste and feel her. She tasted like sugar and smelled like sunscreen and her lips were so soft and instantly responsive to his. Granted it had only happened a handful of times, but Deeks didn't think he could ever get tired of kissing Kensi.

The last of the filling and sugar long gone, he pulled back, giving her a sheepish smile. And as his eyes met hers, he didn't miss the way her pupils were widely dilated.

"You had some filling on your lip," he offered as an innocent explanation. Kensi laughed and anyone else might have missed the shakiness in her voice.

He knew he truly had her unsettled when she didn't offer a retort, simply started the car and turned northwest on Pacific Avenue towards Santa Monica. He watched with interest as Kensi navigated to a mid-rise apartment building, one of the few tall building in Santa Monica. He noticed as they pulled into an underground parking lot that the building had an extensive security system with codes, locks, and cameras. It was a newly renovated structure, and he was gratified to see that it looked very secure. He felt better knowing Kensi was in a safe place.

Following Kensi into the building and into the elevator, they were soon arriving at her apartment, number 818. Unable to shake years of conditioning, he entered Kensi's cover apartment and checked all the rooms and hiding areas, finally satisfied that they were alone. It was a small apartment, the bedroom facing west with a balcony and large windows providing a view of the ocean in the distance. The kitchen and living area formed one large room, and the apartment was decorated with simple but comfortable furniture.

Kensi came back from the bedroom after stowing her bags from the beach and gestured around the open living area. "It's a one bedroom apartment, one of our safe houses. The building has a new security system and Eric told me there are cameras throughout the entire building. The 10th floor has a pool and gym, and we're only a couple blocks away from Santa Monica pier, and more importantly, within three miles of Venice."

"Does NCIS have the place bugged?" he asked Kensi. She shook her head.

"Hetty assured me that it wouldn't be. We're ok here, Deeks."

He smiled at her, his grin a little less certain.

"And here I was getting used to you calling me Marty," he murmured. Kensi looked uncomfortable, and he could practically see the wheels turning in her head as she argued with herself. It wasn't any different from the night before. He knew she was still fighting with herself over her feelings and what this operation would do to them. So he wasn't surprised when she cleared her throat, trying to move past what she wasn't ready to discuss.

"I'm going to change, then do you want to order a pizza?"

"Yeah, let me check in with Eric and Nell first. I'm going to need their help working on something Thompson mentioned to me today."

Kensi looked curious but simply nodded, disappearing back into the bedroom. It didn't escape his notice that she left the door partially open, and he tried to ignore the shadow of her moving back and forth in the bedroom as he put his comm. in and tapped it, waiting the usual few minutes. Except it wasn't Eric that came on the line, it was Nell.

"Deeks. Everything ok?"

Despite the concern evident in her voice, he was instantly more worried about Nell.

"Everything's fine, Nell. Are you ok? You sound exhausted."

"We're fine here. It's just been a busy day. Eric and I were just finishing up some of the last of the documents for Kensi's alias. How's she doing? How did the first day go?"

Deeks smiled softly, understanding the moratorium on talking about Kensi with Nell seemed to be over. And he realized too that where four months ago he wouldn't have dreamed of talking about something so personal with Nell, they'd developed a kind of closeness in their conversations. It was interesting how that happened when you had an understanding and sympathetic voice in your ear as your only contact with the people you cared about.

"Kensi's doing great. We're at her place in Santa Monica. She made quite the impression on the suspects. I think they're curious about her, but not suspicious of her as a threat. But I wouldn't be surprised if they check her back story out."

"Her legend is completely solid. Eric and I made sure of it," Nell reassured him. Deeks chuckled warmly.

"I have no doubt of that. Just be on the lookout to see if anyone pings her records. And I need to talk to Eric about bank software security systems."

"I'm monitoring Kensi's records hourly, so consider it done. And here's Eric."

Deeks thanked Nell warmly before she got off the comm., and he could practically hear her blushing over the line. He'd noticed Nell enjoyed being recognized for her hard work as much as the next person, but she still had a hard time accepting thanks. There was a slight muffled noise and then Eric's voice filled his ear.

"Yo, what's up?"

"Hey Eric. Thanks for everything you and Nell are doing."

"No problem, it's kind of a fun side project. You know, in addition to all my regular workload that seems to be making it impossible to get any surfing done this weekend at all."

Deeks laughed at Eric's wistful tone. "Once this is all over, how about I show you this great spot I know north of Malibu?"

"Awesome, I look forward to it. Nell mentioned you need some information about banking software security systems?"

"One of my suspects started fishing for what I know about security systems developed by Rapport. I know a little bit, enough to know about some of the vulnerabilities in the latest version of the software, but I think they expect me to know more. And I think they're looking for something big they can exploit. Can you look into it and get back to me on what you can find?"

"Sure, but any idea what they're looking for?"

"Anything that makes the system vulnerable. I suspect they may be interested in account information or anything that would allow them to covertly siphon off funds. I bet they're getting tired of the quarter million dollar paydays and are trying to find something bigger. If there's a way to attack through the software, that's where they'll want to look next, which is the only reason they might need Marty Tyler right now."

Deeks heard the clicking of keys as Eric began to type away.

"Got it. I'll see what I can find and get back to you as soon as I can—"

"Eric, seriously, go home. And take Nell with you. You've already worked your entire Sunday. This can wait a few days. Kensi and I have this under control. You guys need to get out of there and relax," Deeks urged, feeling gratitude that Eric wanted to help but not wanting the team exhausted to the point of breaking in their efforts to help him.

Eric's stunned silence on the other end of the line made Deeks realize he may have revealed he knew more than he should about Eric and Nell's possible relationship.

"How did you—"

"You're not the only one with a captivating partner." Deeks said dryly. "And it's a little obvious when you carpool together on a Sunday morning. Just saying."

"Callen and Sam carpool."

Deeks laughed warmly at Eric's insistent tone. "Yeah, and they're practically an old married couple. You're not helping yourself here."

"You and Kensi came together—"

"Get Nell back on the line, Eric. She likes me. I'll convince her to drag you out of there," Deeks replied, smoothly changing the subject away from him and Kensi.

Eric grumbled a little in his ear but Deeks just laughed, hearing the underlying relief in the tech's voice. It probably felt good to have someone be in on the so-called secret. His thoughts strayed as he looked up to see Kensi come back into the living room, dressed in shorts and a clinging tank top that made his mouth go dry. It was moments like this where it just about slapped him in the face how effortlessly beautiful she was. He followed her with his eyes as she reached to sweep her hair up into a sloppy ponytail and she opened the refrigerator, pulling out two beers and removing the caps.

Deeks finished off the call with Eric, retaining a promise that he would research the security system and get back to him by the end of the week. Kensi sat next to him on the couch, curling her feet underneath her and handing him a beer. He took a long pull from the bottle, unable to move his eyes away from Kensi's face, washed clean of makeup. Taking a deep breath he almost wished he hadn't. _God, she smelled good._

Thankfully Kensi saved him, picking up a stack of menus from the coffee table and fanning them out for him to see.

"We have lots of dinner options to choose from. I say pizza, but if you want something different, just pick."

He shook his head mutely and Kensi sifted through the menus, finding one for pizza and placing an order. Putting the phone down, she turned to face him. She saved him once again, giving him something to latch onto so he wouldn't be completely distracted by thoughts of burying his face in her neck just to smell what so tantalizingly teased his nose.

"So what's our plan for this week? I start my job tomorrow at Anderson, Evans & Johnson in downtown L.A. It's pretty much a nine to five job and I can be in Venice most nights, but if you think that's too clingy for a new girlfriend, I can keep my distance," Kensi suggested, letting him decide. Without thinking, he reached for her hand, curling his fingers around hers.

"I don't think you should keep your distance. Besides, the guys seemed to like you, and we need them to be comfortable, even unguarded, around you. After work, text me and I'll let you know where I am. We'll play this week by ear. By the end of the week, I should have information from Eric on the bank security software. And maybe then we'll know a bit more about where this is heading and how fast," Deeks replied, feeling comfort in having Kensi by his side, but still anxious to see the undercover operation finished so they could both return to their normal lives.

Funny how having a normal life actually had something of a definition now. He wouldn't have been able to say that two years ago.

Kensi nodded in agreement, though he could still see the shadow of unease behind her dark eyes. And Deeks knew this was because this kind of longer term undercover operation had fewer rules and was harder to predict than the operations NCIS ran. Just as many things could go wrong in either kind of operation, but the protracted length of time made it much more stressful to endure.

Their pizza arrived, and they ate while a basketball game neither of them was watching played across the screen. Deeks was too distracted by Kensi's close proximity and how although the couch was long and wide, she'd situated herself only a breath away from him. It strongly brought back memories from the night before of falling asleep with Kensi on her couch and how good it had felt to hold her in his arms.

Contrary to popular belief—something he admittedly hadn't done much to dissuade—he didn't spend many nights sleeping with women. He was a reasonably handsome guy with a fair amount of charm. Although he hadn't had any complaints, far from it, his encounters with most women were functional and finished before the night was over. But there hadn't been any depth of emotion beyond a physical release in longer than he remembered.

And spending the night with someone, trusting them enough to even fall asleep, sleeping in their space and breathing their air, waking up to face them in those moments where they were their most unguarded, when it was the most difficult to hide true emotions, wasn't at all a frequent experience. He'd woken up once or twice the night before, at first unfamiliar with where he was. But even in the dark, he'd quickly smelled Kensi, felt her warmth seeping into him, the softness of her skin and her occasionally restless movements. And the way she'd quietly settled after a murmured word or his hand rubbing her back had nearly undone him. It was such a small thing, to be able to bring someone comfort. But nobody had needed that from him in longer than he could remember.

And that was difficult to face when he looked at Kensi, sensing the possibility there, feeling as though he could almost see, feel, and taste what it would be like to be with her and yet not able to take that extra step. Not because he didn't want to. But because Kensi was uncertain and because neither of them wanted to lose what they had as friends and partners. But the prospect of what could be, of what he'd tasted but couldn't have, could very possibly make him go crazy. Which was why he stared at the Lakers squaring off against the Kings but couldn't be counted on to remember the score.

The post-game show began and Kensi stood, taking the empty pizza box and beer bottles to the kitchen to throw away. Deeks watched her, suddenly feeling at a loss. Kensi's movements were a little jerky, something he usually attributed to stress or her being angry. And although he suspected it had more to do with what was going on in her head, the part of him that was always trying to prove himself to her, to be worthy of her trust, wondered if she was upset at him. Being the brunt of blame for his entire young life was still a difficult feeling to shrug off.

He wanted to ask her why she'd thought it was important that he stay at her apartment that night. They'd sold their cover as a couple that afternoon on the beach. As far as the suspects knew, they'd spent the previous night hooking up. Sure, it wasn't uncommon for a new couple to want to spend every waking moment together, but neither would it have been uncommon for him to stay at his place and for her to go home. And this overnight trip to Kensi's apartment was depending entirely on the relatively small possibility that he was being followed and anyone would notice his movements. He wanted to ask because he thought he knew the answer. And a very large part of him wanted, even needed, to hear her say that she missed him, that she wanted to be around him.

But he also knew that like the questions about what had brought her to the beach a month ago, which had set their current situation and circumstances into motion, she didn't want to answer them. Deeks knew he was the talker in their relationship. And even though he pushed and prodded Kensi far more than he suspected anyone ever had, he also respected the things she really didn't want to talk about. Most of the time. Okay, some of the time.

This felt different, though. It wasn't just about what she didn't want to talk about. It was about him, too. He knew it was risky to push her. She was just as likely to push him away as open up to him. He was still pondering the right approach to address what was bothering her when she came back to the living room.

"I think I'm going to go to bed."

Deeks looked up at Kensi at her announcement, gauging the nervousness on her face. She was edgy, and he was still trying to figure out why when it hit him. She'd wanted him there, in her apartment, through the night, not just because she missed his presence or wanted him around. She wanted him to touch her, to hold her, probably just as much as he wanted to do the holding and touching. But even with their relationship as close as it presently was, there was almost no way she would ever be able to say that to his face.

And therein lay the crux of the problem. Deeks could allow Kensi a lot of leeway in hiding her true thoughts and emotions. But at some point, he needed some kind of sign from her, some kind of indication that she reciprocated even a margin of the strong feelings he had for her. And Kensi was not the kind of woman, the kind of person, to openly talk about her feelings. His heart feeling heavy, Deeks knew they were at an impasse.

As much as he wanted nothing more than to be what she wanted, he needed to hear her say it. Even though he was fairly certain of what she was thinking, and even though he was confident enough in what she most likely felt for him, he still needed a sign. He'd long ago realized that he'd never had to try so hard with any of his previous relationships. But then none of those women could hold a candle to Kensi. He knew she was worth the effort, but he also knew that he could be worthy of her effort, too.

So even though it pained him to do so, he nodded to Kensi and leaned back against the couch, propping his feet up on the cushions. "Alright, I'll see you in the morning. Sleep well."

Resolute blue eyes met stunned shades of brown. Deeks kept his expression neutral but open, conveying as best he could that the ball was in her court. But as brave as Kensi could be at staring down a bad guy twice her size, she was significantly less certain when it came to her own emotions. Deeks knew that, and he felt a pang of guilt at manipulating the situation as it was a fool's errand to try and get her to admit her feelings. His guilt deepened as he saw the surprise in her eyes flash briefly to hurt and then her eyes turned distant.

Kensi squared her shoulders, giving him a curt nod as she turned towards the bedroom. "Yeah, good night."

And Deeks felt something in his chest crumble a little at the harsh click of the bedroom door as she firmly shut it behind her. Rubbing a hand over his bearded jaw, he quelled the immediate impulse he had to get up and go through the door and gather Kensi in his arms.

As grand a gesture as that impulse might be, he was pretty sure she would either be pissed at him and punch him in the stomach or she would welcome him, and allow him to hold her through the night. It was the latter possibility that, as tempting as it was, he knew would just make things fall back into the pattern of them not talking about what was going on between them.

And that just wasn't enough for him anymore.

* * *

><p>It was well past midnight and Kensi still couldn't sleep. She'd opened the bedroom balcony doors, hoping the cool spring breeze and distant sound of the ocean's waves would soothe her. But casting a glance at the bedroom door leading to the living room for about the hundredth time, she exhaled loudly, knowing it was probably fruitless for her to try and find anything soothing.<p>

As much as she was uncomfortable with the realization, she knew deep down that there was only one thing that would comfort her and allow her to sleep. And that one thing was sleeping on the other side of the bedroom door on the couch.

But she was mad at herself for wanting that from him. And she was mad at him, too. She thought she'd been pretty clear about wanting him there with her. Most guys would jump at the chance to sleep with a woman they cared about, even if it was just sleeping. And Kensi knew Deeks cared about her. Just as she knew, knew with absolute certainty, he wanted to be in that bed with her. Of the two of them, he was definitely more transparent with what he was thinking.

And it annoyed her that he wanted her to say it, wanted her to talk when all she wanted him to do was give into what he knew she wanted. What ultimately they both wanted. It was annoying that he knew her so well sometimes, and she was positive he'd understood the unspoken opening she'd given him when she'd announced she was going to bed._ Come with me._

He'd gotten it loud and clear. But he hadn't accepted, and Kensi couldn't deny that hurt. She even thought she knew why. He wanted her to ask him, wanted her to tell him how she felt and what she wanted from him. What she wanted _emotionally_ from him.

Feeling her anger flare again she flopped over, cushioning a pillow against her stomach and chest and failing miserably in her attempt to not wish it was Deeks rather than cotton and feathers.

The anger seeped back into hurt and she closed her eyes, trying to push away the feelings of abandonment. It was irrational and they were feelings unworthy of Deeks. He hadn't abandoned her. Far from it. He just needed her to say something, to ask him for something she didn't know if she was ready to ask of him. She didn't do emotional well.

She thought back to the day when he'd told her he was going on this assignment. She'd cut him off, refused to let him explain that he would be back and wasn't leaving her. At that time, she'd reacted with anger he didn't deserve and she'd regretted it almost immediately.

Kensi was instantly awake and alert, sitting up in bed. Was this the same kind of situation? Then Deeks had needed her to support him, let him know she was there for him and would miss him. Back at her apartment just the night before, he'd asked her why she came to the beach and she'd begged him not to make her say it out loud. And now she was doing the same thing, expecting him to read her mind and know her heart and giving him nothing in return.

Even though the implications scared the hell out of her, she also couldn't stand the thought that he didn't know how important he was to her. She'd been telling him in every way she knew how, but maybe that wasn't the way he needed to hear it.

Acting on impulse and pushing away the sheets, she padded to the door, opening it quietly and peering into the darkened living room. She approached Deeks with silent footsteps, watching for a moment as he seemed to sleep quietly, one arm flung over his head and the other laying across his stomach. Feeling as though her heart might beat out of her chest, she kneeled down on the carpet by the couch, leaning close to Deeks, her eyes fixed on his face.

As if sensing her there, he shifted a little and inhaled deeply. His eyes stayed closed but he spoke, his voice deep and roughened with sleep. "Kens, what's going on, you okay?"

It did something to her to see that he knew her anywhere, even in the depths of sleep. She swallowed thickly, trying to muster her scant courage.

"No, I'm not okay."

Instantly he was awake, struggling to sit up and reach for her, as well as for the gun at his side that wasn't there. She laid a firm hand on his chest, stilling his movements. Only after he'd been able to glance at her in full and see that she was physically fine did he stop his movements. And he seemed to remember quickly there was no gun, no badge, just them. And then his eyes were curious and confused as he looked at her, waiting for her to explain.

She sighed, running a hand through her sleep-mussed hair, taking in the unusual sight of Marty Deeks quietly waiting for her to speak. She felt the amused chuckle rising in her chest and she tried to swallow it down. The one time she almost wished he would babble and cover the silence, and he was staying as silent as the dead.

"Sometimes I don't know what to do with you. And sometimes I don't know what you want from me." It didn't escape her notice that Deeks instantly stiffened, and there was a sense of guilt and unease that filled his eyes as he opened his mouth to speak. She shook her head firmly. "Oh no, you started this, so you are damn well going to listen to what I have to say."

Deeks clamped his lips shut and stayed silent, even though she suspected that now it was taking everything in him not to question her.

"You've upturned everything in my life. I think I haven't had my balance since I met you in that gym when you were Jason Wyler. And it took me almost a year to be okay with that, for me to realize that I might need that." Kensi struggled with the words, feeling clumsy as they poured out from her. She shifted her eyes away from his face, locking them on where her hand still rested on his chest. "I'm just not good at saying things like that. And there hasn't been anything or anyone in my life worth making the effort for in longer than I can remember."

Kensi took a deep breath, and lifted her eyes to meet Deeks' in the shadowy darkness. She felt sure he must be able to hear the rush and overactive beat of her heart. She could barely hear her own voice over the roar in her ears.

"You're important to me. I'm not the same without you. A part of me hates that and a part of me is amazed by that. Either way, I don't know what it means except that I missed you; my friend, my partner, for three solid months. I came to the beach because even though I knew it wasn't smart and it broke protocol, I needed to see you." With each word Kensi actually felt lighter. And the words just kept pouring out from her. "And I bulldozed my way into your undercover operation because there's a part of me that I don't even understand that just doesn't feel at ease unless I'm there to back you up."

"This—this, whatever it is, between us—" She waved a hand in the space between their bodies, "I don't know what it is. I don't know how to define it, or if I even want to. I just . . ."

Kensi sighed, withdrawing her hands from touching Deeks and running them through her hair, keeping her head bowed and her eyes averted from him. She sensed Deeks move to sit up, felt his radiating warmth as he surrounded her, barely touching her but still touching all the same as his knees went on either side of her hips where she knelt in front of the couch. He stayed seated and his hands reached out to gently grip her biceps. His touch was far gentler than any man's had a right to be. She knew she teased him about being delicate and fragile, but she also knew he could be tough and unyielding.

It was the gentleness that was her undoing. She couldn't remember the last time that anyone had touched her with as much gentleness as Deeks did in that moment. Tough and unyielding men she could handily deal with. But as she finally lifted her face to meet Deeks' eyes, as deep blue as midnight and looking at her with tenderness she could never feel she deserved, she felt her breath catch.

"I'm not good at this," she whispered fearfully. The slow and affectionate smile that barely lifted his lips made her heart skip a beat. That smile, one she selfishly claimed as only for her, was seriously more addicting than any of the junk food she craved on a daily basis.

"I think you underestimate yourself," he murmured, a hand reaching up to graze her cheek and then coming to rest at the nape of her neck. She closed her eyes against his touch, almost wishing that every nerve ending in her body didn't thrill as it did to the light contact of his body against hers. Almost. It felt too good to want to wish it away altogether.

He still somehow kept his distance while almost entirely encircling her with his body. His other hand, the one not occupied with stroking the side of her throat and tangling in the hair at the nape of her neck, wrapped warmly and fully around her hip, fingertips grazing the dip of her lower back.

"What do you want from me?" Kensi asked, tired of not knowing the right thing to say, tired of being apart from Deeks and tired of him not holding her close. They both knew what she was asking him went beyond their partnership, beyond their current undercover mission.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you." His voice regretful and angry at himself, he pushed on. "I just want you. I know it isn't smart, especially with this operation, and I don't even know if it's what you want. But it doesn't matter. Even if we're just friends and partners. I mean, I want more than friends or partners but if that's all you can give me then, I'll take it and I won't push you for more."

Kensi was surprised to the point of silence at Deeks' turnabout. He'd started with wanting her to open up to him and now, with the tables turned, he was willing to take whatever he could get from her in whatever small measure. Her heart broke a little for the child and young man Deeks must have been to be so desperate for love and attention that he would settle for less than he deserved.

She was silent for a few minutes, repeating his words over and over in her head. _I just want you._ In all her hapless dating since Jack, she'd heard many variations of that phrase. But never had it been meant in the way that Deeks meant it. And even though the thought scared her, there was a long dormant part of her that was optimistic enough to foolishly hope that this alone was worth risking her heart over.

So when he took her silence as a quiet rejection and started to pull away, she tightened her grip on his arm, quickly moving to pull him tightly to her in an unmistakable message. His arms folding around her back and the quiet laughter, a rumble in his chest under her ear, were her answer. She hid her face in his shirt, almost afraid for him to see the wide grin on her face. But once again he had other plans, lifting her chin up so he could look in her eyes.

The intensity in his eyes, fixed solidly on her face, made it hard to breathe. He wasn't holding anything back, and Kensi began to realize how much Deeks had actually been holding back. He had the appearance of an open book, but Kensi could see how much he'd kept hidden, even from her. But now his face was open and unguardedly staring at her, allowing her to see the mix of fear, hope, tenderness, and attraction he was feeling.

Kensi swallowed with difficulty, not accustomed to the swirl of emotions it brought forth in her to be face-to-face with someone who felt so much for her. It felt like responsibility. The scary kind, but also the best kind. The kind where Deeks trusted her enough to allow her closer than anyone else in his life.

She hadn't thought she would be allowed to feel that kind of responsibility for anyone ever again. Had even thought she was better off without it. But staring at Deeks, she knew she'd been deluding herself. She wasn't quite there yet in being able to give Deeks the same responsibility over her heart, but she could feel the inevitability that she could. Kensi just had a feeling that Deeks was a little further down the emotional road of what was happening between them.

She knew he'd faced romantic heartbreak to some degree, but she suspected he had fewer scars than she did. It naturally made it a little easier for him to be willing to risk his heart, something she had resolutely guarded against doing since hers was broken seven years ago. And staring back at him, she resolved to be worthy of his trust, and to try to give him the same responsibility of holding her trust. And maybe of holding her heart.

"Are we really doing this?" Kensi asked quietly, a little fearfully. Deeks smiled softly, shrugging once.

"I think so, yeah," Deeks replied quietly, one hand slipping under her tank top to stroke the bare skin of her back lightly. As he leaned towards her Kensi stopped him with her hand on his chest.

"What is 'this' exactly?"

Deeks gave her a bemused look. "You actually want to label it? And here I thought I was the girl in this thing."

Kensi rolled her eyes, amused but also impatient. "Oh, you're definitely the girl. But a few hours ago all you wanted was for me to talk, and now you're just going to let it go?"

Deeks shrugged nonchalantly. "I think we'll figure it out as we go."

Kensi studied Deeks carefully, seeing nothing but honesty and unguarded caring towards her. _Could it really be that easy?_ She wondered if it could be. And with Deeks she was strangely optimistic that it might be.

Her patience already waning after baring her soul, and wanting the reward of his touch, Kensi leaned closer to Deeks, taking a deep breath and pulling the scent of him into her lungs. And being the smart guy he was, without hesitation Deeks took her movement as his cue, dipping his face towards hers. And that time when he kissed her, there was no mistaking the feeling or intention behind the deepening pressure of his lips on hers. They weren't in a club or on a beach trying to sell a cover. There weren't suspicious eyes possibly watching them.

If she'd thought kissing him before left her breathless, it was nothing compared to kissing him without the thought of prying eyes, ulterior motivations, or an alias or cover dictating their movements. His touch was heated and intentional as it slid around her waist, fingers seeking to further touch the bare skin he could find. And even though his hands made her shiver, it barely compared to his mouth, lips caressing hers firmly and his tongue drawing hers out.

She could swear she felt sparks lighting her tongue, and the heat rising through her stomach to every inch of her body almost made her sigh with pleasure. Kensi reacted purely on instinct, wanting him closer as she ran her hands over his shoulders and to his face, burrowing her fingers in his hair and then stroking the fine line of his jaw. The tenderness in her touch seemed to catch Deeks' attention and he pulled back, his heavy breaths fanning across her face. Kensi smiled slightly, her own breath unsteady.

"Can we go to bed now?"

Her hopeful and slightly breathless voice won her a wide grin from Deeks and he nodded, leaning forward to kiss the underside of her jaw once, as if he couldn't help himself, before he stood and pulled her up with him. Not breaking the contact of their hands, he led her back to the bedroom, sinking down on the bed with an appreciative groan and pulling her down with him.

"This bed is so much better than the couch," Deeks remarked, settling a pillow behind his head and reaching out an arm to snag her by the waist and pull her closer so she was on her side stretched out next to him.

"I'm so glad at least the bed is more comfortable." Kensi's tone was dry as she settled comfortably against him, finding her hands not able to stop touching him as one hand found his free hand and laced her fingers with his and the other settled to rest on his chest.

Deeks grinned unapologetically at her, then turned his head to rain kisses on her neck, nuzzling below her ear before placing a hot, open mouthed kiss on her throat where her pulse beat strongly. At the sound of her laughter that dissolved into giggles, they both froze. He lifted his head, amusement lighting his eyes.

"Excuse me, but did you just giggle?"

Kensi blushed at his incredulous and amazed voice and shook her head adamantly, trying to push him away. And she failed miserably as Deeks neatly gathered her against him, his arms strongly holding her close. She didn't bother fighting him since it was what she wanted anyway.

"No, I don't giggle."

"Oh, I think you do. And you did. And I made you do it."

Kensi silently rolled her eyes at his self-satisfied tone, not really wanting to correct him further. It was pointless anyway, since he was right. She could tell Deeks loved little things like that, things that only he seemed to be capable of doing and of pulling from her.

They were both silent and Kensi closed her eyes, feeling tired and finally content. And Deeks made it easy, his warmth and touch comforting her and lulling her to relax. She couldn't seem to stop touching him and he returned the gesture, his arm around her waist drifting up and down her back while his other hand anchored her by holding her hand in his. Kensi angled her head next to his on the pillow and she closed her eyes against the gentle pressure of his lips on her forehead. It was such a tender touch that she felt her eyes sting with unshed tears.

The emotion and passion from just a few minutes earlier on the couch had ebbed into something quieter and more affectionate, and Kensi was slightly amazed that Deeks didn't try to urge her back to where they had physically been heading. It was yet another way he managed to surprise her, and she realized he would likely alter all her expectations. He'd been doing that since the day they met. He seemed just as content to sleep where most other men would be pushing for more.

"We'll figure it out, Kens. I'm not going anywhere."

Kensi smiled, tightening her hold on him and breathing deeply.

"Good."

And even though her eyes were closed and she couldn't see it, in her mind's eye she could picture the soft smile on his face she knew was there. Finally feeling as though things were where they were meant to be, she was asleep within minutes.


	10. Chapter 10

**Please see previous chapters for rating, disclaimer, etc.**  
><strong>Note:<strong> Thank you so much for the reviews, alerts and favorites! I've been blown away with how enthusiastic you all are. I'm not actually trying to make these chapters so long but the length keeps getting determined by the story breaks. I considered splitting this chapter into two but in the end decided this flowed better as one chapter. Thank you to **emmabusc **who provided inspiration for part of Kensi's first day at her cover job. And a special thank you to **MioneAlterEgo **who was so kind to beta this for me and provided such wonderful encouragement. Several reviews commented on the feeling of impending doom (I think my favorite was the looming Looney Toons style anvil shadow). Hopefully the twists and turns of the story will ultimately lives up to your expectations. Thanks for reading and reviewing, I appreciate it.

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><p>It was still early morning when Kensi woke up, blinking open her eyes slowly as she focused on the profile of the face next to hers. She felt his arm under her waist, the warmth of his hand on her back and she smiled, taking in the sight of Deeks dead to the world next to her.<p>

Other than his arm he wasn't touching her anywhere else, and he'd carelessly sprawled out to take up more than his fair share of the bed. From where she was lying on her side facing him she watched him breathe deeply and almost soundlessly. As if sensing her scrutiny he turned his head towards her, his face now only inches from hers, his steady exhaling breath fanning over her lips.

Unable to resist, she tentatively reached a hand forward, resting it against his cheek, her fingers brushing over the beard that covered his jaw. It was only by touching it that she'd come to realize it was thicker and softer than it looked. His blonde hair gave the illusion of less fullness than there was. And the softness was unexpected but now she couldn't seem to stop herself from wanting to feel it again, the bristles making her fingers tingle pleasantly.

Kensi lifted her head to look at the clock and saw she would have to be up soon to get ready for her cover job. Backing carefully away from Deeks she slipped from the bed, using the bathroom and brushing her teeth quickly. She didn't examine too closely the motivation behind her morning routine before returning to the bed and Deeks.

But when she sat back down on the bed, the mattress dipping towards her, she nearly startled with surprise when Deeks reached out and pulled her back to him, her front flush against his body and close enough that she felt every inhale of breath he took. Her heart hammered loudly, still feeling on uneven footing at the new intimacy between them. Deeks was suddenly as open with her as he could be, and Kensi was still struggling to catch up.

His content sigh as he nuzzled his nose into the crook of her neck, leaving light kisses along her collarbone and the side of her neck, sent a shiver down her spine. One of his hands followed the shiver while the other rubbed up and down her arm, warming against the raised goose bumps his touch brought forth.

Kensi was a little surprised at the potent effect Deeks was having on her. The attraction had been there since the beginning, but this almost chemical reaction was unexpected and perhaps a little more lethally addicting than she ever would have thought possible.

But in that moment she couldn't bring herself to care too much about the implications when his intentions became clearer as he kissed her, his lips warmly insistent. Closing her eyes she melted against him, enjoying the tenderness of the intimate moment in the early morning light. She couldn't remember the last time she'd woken up with someone in bed and wanted them as close as she wanted Deeks right then.

When he finally pulled back from her and opened his eyes she offered him a breathless smile as he looked at her somewhat suspiciously. Returning his questioning look with one of her own, she rested a hand on his chest, her fingers playing with the collar of his cotton shirt.

"What?"

"Is that toothpaste? Did you go and brush your teeth?" Deeks asked, his eyes narrowing questioningly. Kensi blushed and averted her eyes, cursing herself for not realizing he would zero in on the one thing she didn't want him to.

Kensi kept her voice offhand. "So what if I did?"

Deeks laughed and swooped in for another quick kiss. "So you're that kind of girl. A no-morning-breath kind of girl."

Kensi grumbled under her breath. "So what if I am? You shouldn't have to deal with that first thing in the morning."

Deeks look at her strangely, his eyes curiously puzzled. "Why would I care? Kensi, I'd be happy to kiss you anytime. Right after you've eaten a clove of garlic, a tower of onion rings, a plate of fish and chips—"

"Okay, okay, I get it. You're not big on oral hygiene," she groused, cutting him off. Deeks tightened his arms around her, bringing her gaze back to his, his eyes serious.

"Nah, that's not it. I just can't imagine anything making me not want to kiss you," Deeks murmured, his lips lightly touching hers and making her stomach flip and her heart race. Unable to resist, she leaned forward, matching her lips to his and angling her head to kiss him deeper, her hands going to his neck and her fingers threading in his hair and holding him close.

She didn't mind as he took control, pushing her gently to her back and covering her body with his. His legs tangled with hers and as his thigh went between her legs she bent one knee, moving her leg around his so that her foot rested against his calf, the hair on his leg deliciously rubbing against the length of her leg where her flannel pants had ridden up to her knee.

Kensi sighed against Deeks' mouth, arching her back under his hands where they trailed a warm path around her waist to her abdomen and up her sides, lightly exploring the ridges of her ribs. Frustratingly he skipped over her breasts, his hands coming to cup her head between them as he pulled back, a wide and playful smile on his face as his eyes looked warmly at her.

"Besides, if I can deal with your shockingly loud snoring then surely I can deal with your morning breath."

Kensi felt her mouth fall open in outraged shock and she sputtered, pushing Deeks away. He chuckled, falling back and resting back against the pillows, one arm cushioning his head. Kensi sat up, shooting him an annoyed glance.

"I do not snore," she insisted.

"Oh, yes you do, darling. Like a freight train."

Kensi tried to ignore the endearment, latching on to the affront. "That's just not true. No one has ever said anything—"

Deeks shrugged, seemingly unbothered by contrary evidence. "Maybe no one has wanted to risk telling you before. You can be rather imposing, you know."

Kensi narrowed her eyes at Deeks, seeing nothing but fondness and honesty in his face. And she felt her heart turn at the blatant affection in his eyes as he looked at her. He was probably right. It would take a brave man to give her that kind of an observation. And it would take someone who felt a certain amount of security in his place in her life.

That feeling of closeness to him still very new and sensitive, she finally just smiled, a little in awe that she was lucky enough to have Deeks in her life. Because if anyone was going to be truthful and straight with her, it was him. Having him as that kind of touchstone brought her an unexpected sense of contentment.

Flipping her hair over a shoulder, Kensi stood from the bed, stopping as Deeks caught her hand in his. Despite his earlier bravado, she saw the tinge of worry in his eyes.

"Kens, I'm sorry. It wasn't a criticism, really. I just—" Deeks stopped, looking down at their joined hands with frustration for a moment before he lifted his determined eyes back to hers. "It means a lot to me that I'm the one who gets to see this side of you. I just don't seem to communicate that in the best of ways."

Kensi smiled at him, leaning forward to give him a soft kiss, which he returned warmly.

"I'm not mad. And it means a lot to me, too." She smoothed a hand over his head, ruffling his hair a little before she leaned back. "Now I have to get ready for my fake secretary job and you need to get to the beach to do some surfing. Give me fifteen minutes and I'll drive you."

Fifteen minutes later Deeks shook his head in amazement as he followed Kensi out into the hallway outside her apartment, his appreciative gaze drifting over her from head to toe. In an outfit that was professional but still made her look younger than her twenty-eight years, she wore a pencil skirt, button-up blouse, cardigan and heels, her hair loose in waves down her back.

As she locked the door and walked with him towards the elevator he put a hand at her lower back, leaning over to murmur in her ear. "I don't think I've ever seen a woman look as good as you in so short a time. How do you do that?"

Kensi pushed the button to call the elevator then turned to Deeks, a single eyebrow arched. "I don't think I can tell you. Trade secret."

"Is this one of those female things? Like how you can fit your entire life into your purse?"

Kensi grinned, entering the elevator with Deeks and pulling her purse over so he could look inside, taking in the general vacancy surrounding her wallet, car keys, phone, Chapstick and gum. He grinned at her.

"Aren't you just full of surprises, defying expectations."

At his low and intimate tone her eyes flew to his and she couldn't ignore how the deep pitch of his voice made her edgy and pulled something wonderfully tight low in her stomach. Deeks seemed to read the nervousness in her face and he pulled back from where he'd been crowding into her personal space.

"I'm sorry if this is too much. I just can't seem to help myself around you." Deeks' tone was rueful as he stepped out of the elevator, moving aside to let her pass him. Kensi followed, reaching out to grab his hand with hers, intertwining their fingers and squeezing his tight in hers.

"No, it's okay. I think I'm just adjusting to this new side of you. It's different," Kensi said with shy smile.

"Is that a good different or a bad different?" Deeks asked, his voice cautious.

"Good different. You would know if I thought it was bad," Kensi replied mischievously, elbowing him in the stomach with just the barest amount of pressure, a reminder of when in the past she'd been less than forgiving about putting him in his place. Deeks grinned and nodded, falling into easy step beside her as they approached and got into her car, leaving the apartment garage and turning south towards Venice.

It only took a few minutes to drive to his apartment in Venice and then Deeks exited the car, turning around to lean into Kensi's window to say goodbye.

"So I'll see you after work tonight?"

"Yeah, I'll text you when I leave." She gave him a playful wink. "Don't miss me too much while I'm gone."

He didn't have to pretend that he would miss her for the hours she would be at her job and he would be stuck stocking shelves at the grocery store or surfing out on the ocean. That feeling wasn't one difficult to imagine. He'd already spent four months missing her.

Deeks reached out a hand to capture a strand of her hair, curling it around his index finger as he leaned in for a quick kiss.

"Okay, have a good day, Kensi. See you later."

_Be careful. Stay safe._

Kensi nodded at the verbal and silent farewell. But it was the slight shifting of her eyes, indicating the space over his left shoulder that put him on notice. Even as her eyes moved she leaned forward, touching her lips briefly to his before she sat back and turned to drive away. He straightened up and watched as Kensi drove off and saw that Jesse Thompson had been walking down the street towards them and towards the beach, surfboard under his arm.

Deeks allowed the feeling of relief to wash over them that Kensi had been on better guard than he had as he nodded a greeting to Thompson. The younger man sauntered over, giving him a lazy grin.

"Two nights in a row. Nice. She must be quite a woman."

Deeks offered up a knowing and appreciative grin, thinking that a man like Marty Tyler would certainly be possessive of his extremely hot girlfriend but he also wouldn't be above bragging a little.

"That she is. Flexible too."

Deeks had to tamp down the laughter threatening to burst forth at the wide-eyed look on Thompson's face. Despite the fact that the younger man was most certainly a dangerous bank robber, in the last four months Deeks had observed he was fairly inept with women. Someone like Kensi, beautiful and seemingly approachable as well, probably seemed like an impossible dream to him.

"Seriously? In what way is she—"

Deeks did laugh this time, patting him on the back. "I like you, man. But I'm not going to give you those kinds of details about my girl."

He gestured to his upstairs apartment. "If you give me a minute, let me grab my board and I'll come with you to the beach."

Thompson nodded, seeming unruffled by his refusal to divulge intimate information about Kensi. Deeks retrieved Monty from the garden and took the steps up to his apartment two at a time, unlocking the door and entering with Thompson close behind. Mindful that whoever had planted the bugs was certainly listening and he now had Thompson watching him, Deeks moved casually around, grabbing what he needed.

"So does she have a sister? Close friend? Co-worker or something?" Thompson asked nonchalantly. Deeks stifled a grin, thinking it would probably work in their favor to have Thompson more than a little taken with Kensi.

"No sister, but I don't know about the rest. Why don't you ask her sometime? She's a cool girl, Jesse. None of that manipulative girly shit. Upfront and honest, too."

At his words, Deeks picked up his board and a towel, turning back to look at Thompson just as the other man seemed to finish what would have looked like an innocuous glance around his apartment to anyone else. Deeks didn't miss the casually indifferent attitude Thompson portrayed and it was a reminder that he could never let his guard down around any of his suspects.

"Let's get out of here. We're wasting good surfing time up here," Deeks said, leading the way out of the apartment and back to the street, Thompson and Monty following close behind.

The walk to the beach and the time spent waxing their boards and layering on sunscreen was light with ordinary conversation. Deeks asked about Thompson's job at a mechanic's garage, knowing that the job was pretty much just a cover. And now that he'd been tentatively accepted as the fourth member to their team, Thompson was a little more open about the scant hours he spent at the garage and that most of his time was spent online gaming or smoking pot.

After a few hours of surfing, Deeks reluctantly moved on to the most boring part of his day, his job at the corner market. He tried not to be distracted by thoughts of Kensi, wondering how her day was going at her undercover job.

The worry still tugged at the back of his mind. He wasn't a control freak by nature, far from it. But when it came to his undercover assignment that now involved Kensi, he was having a harder time than usual not worrying.

He had to trust that Detective Benson's contact was trustworthy and that Kensi could take care of herself. The former he still struggled with. The latter was as simple as breathing. He grinned, imagining the exasperation on Kensi's face if she knew he was so concerned for her. Focusing on that, he kept that image of her in his mind as he wiled away the mundane hours.

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><p>After dropping Deeks off at his apartment Kensi joined the rest of the traffic on the road and drove downtown to the law offices of Anderson, Evans, &amp; Johnson. Following the directions and information Detective Benson had given her the previous day, she parked her car and entered one of the ubiquitous high rise buildings in the business center of downtown Los Angeles.<p>

The law firm occupied the 14th and 15th floors of the building. Kensi approached the main reception desk, waiting as the blond receptionist finished her call and turned to her with a friendly smile.

"May I help you?"

Kensi cleared her throat, feeling oddly nervous. She'd taken down terrorists, drug dealers, and murderers. Surely she could handle being a secretary. "Yes, I'm here to see Joshua Scott. My name is Mackenzie Sullivan."

The woman's eyes lit with recognition and she nodded as she reached for the phone. "That's right. Josh said you'd be starting today. Let me get him for you."

Kensi gave the woman a slight smile of gratitude and waited. After a few minutes, a tall blond man approached from behind the reception area. Kensi would have known even if she'd encountered him on the street that he was a lawyer. Aside from the suit and tie, expensive Italian leather loafers, and closely cropped and slicked back hair, there was something in his bearing that clued her in.

Los Angeles was full of people putting on an act or a front for the rest of the world. Lawyers and actors were a particular offspring of that breed of people. Admittedly, although at NCIS their motives were altruistic, what they did wasn't much different. And although she had no reason to distrust Joshua Scott, Kensi was automatically wary.

"You must be Mackenzie Sullivan. If you'll come with me?"

Kensi shook his hand and then followed him back through the maze of offices and cubicles of what looked like a very busy and wealthy law firm. She listened as Scott spent several minutes familiarizing her with the layout of the firm, ending up by the reception desk outside one of the corner offices. He gestured to the nameplate on the office door.

"I've arranged for you to assist Sofia Martinez. She's a junior partner in the firm and her assistant recently left to start a family. I received your, uh, specifications from Matt, so hopefully this will work out okay?"

Kensi relaxed a little at his words, recognizing the man's effort to be discreet about her reasons for being employed at the firm. She gave him a slight smile.

"This will be great, thank you, Mr. Scott."

"Please call me Josh. Matt didn't say much when he called me yesterday, just that he had a friend who needed a job. I don't want to pry, but if you're in some kind of trouble, we can get you help. He's a cop and I'm a lawyer, so we're pretty good at fixing messy situations," Josh said, his eyes and voice full of sincerity.

Kensi controlled her reaction, keeping her external façade as benign as she could. His words said _I don't want to pry_ but his body language and tone said he was curious for information on her. Detective Benson had told her the previous day that he wouldn't reveal anything about her status as a Federal agent and that all Scott would know was that she needed a job and needed to be as seamlessly hidden in the law firm as possible. She could try and chalk up Scott's probing as merely curious, friendly, even helpful. But she was nowhere near that naïve.

Even if he wasn't a threat, he was working an angle. That was what she'd sensed upon meeting him. There was a sheen covering his real persona, and she couldn't decide if he was a danger to her cover or simply fishing for a date. Either way, Kensi wasn't interested in entangling herself. And she knew Deeks would not be pleased with this layer of complexity to what was supposed to be a simple cover job.

But Kensi had been a Federal agent for years before meeting Deeks and had had to work her way out of tougher situations in the past. This wasn't even a situation yet, and she wasn't going to make Deeks needlessly worry over something that could turn out to be nothing.

"I appreciate your concern. But I'm just looking to keep my head down and do a good job," Kensi replied, keeping her expression neutral and with all the appearance of truthfulness. Josh nodded slowly, backing away from her with a gesture towards the front of the office.

"Fair enough. I've got to get to a deposition, but Rachel at the front desk can help with anything you need, and when I'm not off being a lawyer, I'm just down the hall and to the left if you have any questions. But Sofia's great so you shouldn't have any trouble. She usually gets in about nine, and I'm sure she'll fill you in on everything when she arrives."

Kensi again nodded her gratitude as Josh left her to her own devices. She had no reason to worry about the man; she knew that he would have been vetted in some form by Detective Benson, and by now Eric and Nell would have turned his life inside out looking for any red flags. But it still paid to be on guard and cautious.

Glancing at her watch, she saw it was barely past eight and she had some time to kill before her new boss arrived. Stowing her purse, she surveyed her work area, seeing neat stacks of reports and documents ready for a variety of tasks such as copying, signing, or mailing. Squaring her shoulders, Kensi reached for the first stack, reading through the requirements for copying the document. Not one to sit around and wait for help, Kensi took the stack and returned to the front reception area, giving the friendly woman there an apologetic smile.

"We sort of met earlier? I'm Kensi," she said, reaching out a hand to shake the other woman's. "I was hoping you could help me with where the copy room is?"

"I'm Rachel Madison. I can definitely help you with the copy room, though you must be quite the overachiever if you're getting started so quickly!"

Kensi shrugged self-consciously. "I just want to make a good impression."

Rachel held up her hands apologetically. "Don't worry about it, girl. I'm happy you're here to help out. Ever since Elaine left I've been filling in as Ms. Martinez's assistant, so you're a very welcome addition."

Rachel showed her around the copy room, set her up with access codes and organizational charts so she could route documents and coordinate with the mail room clerks. After Rachel left her, Kensi immediately set to the task of copying, collating, and binding a lengthy document. Upon realizing the document had copied the second side of every page flipped upside down, Kensi let loose a string of curses under her breath that would have made her Marine father proud and maybe a little scared.

Not willing to be beaten by inanimate machinery, Kensi began the document again, scrolling through every menu she could find to make sure it copied correctly. Midway through, the copier registered half a dozen paper jams in the various internal nooks and crannies. Casting her eyes skyward in an attempt to call for patience, Kensi began opening compartments and drawers, hunting for torn bits of paper and toner smudged pages. Once the machine was finally working again she breathed a sigh of relief, only to be cut off when the copier told her it was out of toner.

Wishing for her gun, or at the very least a trained clerk from the local FedEx Office, Kensi took a deep breath and turned to the supply cabinet. She'd been searching for toner for five minutes when Rachel's amused voice registered behind her.

"You know we have repair people for that sort of thing."

Kensi pulled back from the cabinet, pushing an errant strand of hair impatiently behind her ear. "It just says it needs toner. If I could just find it I can fix it."

Her tone was stubborn. Kensi Blye did not back down from a challenge. It didn't matter if it was being the best shot or fixing a copy machine.

"Why didn't you just move to the next machine over and use the one that works?" Rachel asked curiously. Kensi shrugged.

"It didn't seem fair to leave a broken machine for someone else to fix."

Rachel shook her head at her, her eyes warm. "That's a nice thought, but don't worry about it. Use the other one and I'll call in the repair."

Reluctantly Kensi moved to the functioning copier, beginning again. Rachel's voice caught her attention before the other woman left, her expression a little too knowing and serious. "And Kensi? You work for a law firm now. Fair has very little to do with anything around here."

Kensi tried not to shudder at the words, the moral ambiguity of a defense law firm making her skin crawl a little. Finally with a working copier, she was able to work quickly and efficiently, managing to surprise and impress her new boss with the quickly disappearing stacks on her desk.

Kensi was surprised when she saw it was lunchtime. Time had passed quicker than she would have imagined. The work wasn't terribly interesting but at least it kept her occupied so her mind couldn't stray too much to Deeks. Once the thought of him was rooted in her mind and unable to help herself, she stared out the window facing west, thinking of him out on the beach.

"I know that look. Who's the guy?"

Kensi looked up guilty at the sound of Rachel's voice, teasingly curious. They'd struck up an easy and immediate friendship over the course of the day, Kensi ingratiating herself by deferring to Rachel's experience in the firm, and Rachel seeming to enjoy having a new friend to talk to. Kensi had to quell the impulse to deny and suppress sharing any of her thoughts and emotions about Deeks. Even though normally she wouldn't have dreamed of sharing those kinds of personal thoughts about Deeks with anyone, Kensi Sullivan certainly wouldn't have the same reservations about her boyfriend.

Kensi grinned shyly, glancing around before she leaned in closer to Rachel, who now sat perched on the edge of her desk. "His name is Marty. I met him at the Avalon on Saturday night. We had the most amazing weekend."

Rachel leaned forward with interest. "Oh yeah? What's he do? Is he gorgeous?"

"He actually seems to spend most of his time surfing in Venice and he kind of has a dead end job at a local market, but he's so sweet. And gorgeous doesn't even begin to describe him," Kensi replied with a knowing smile. At Rachel's widening eyes, Kensi almost had to laugh. Rachel seemed like a nice enough woman but the entire conversation struck Kensi as a little mundane. But if this was how normal working women in Los Angeles did it, Kensi figured she would do her best to blend.

"A surfer? Not that I'm judging, mind you. My last boyfriend couldn't even be bothered to exercise, let alone surf. He must be something to look at though. Do you have any pictures?"

Realizing that was something she would have to rectify, Kensi shook her head. "No, but I'll get one and show you tomorrow."

Rachel winked and slid off the desk, smoothing her skirt before she turned to leave. "He must be special. Your whole face just lit up when you talked about him."

Kensi blushed at the words, feeling uncomfortably transparent. But as Rachel left her alone, she reasoned it probably wasn't a bad thing for her alias to behave as though she was entirely captivated by her new boyfriend. That realization was just a little harder for the real her to swallow without feeling a bit out of sorts.

After lunch, Kensi spent her afternoon transcribing recordings from meetings and then worked on the mindless task of organizing a mass mailing. The monotonous nature of the task allowed her mind to wander and Kensi watched the activity around the office thoughtfully, suddenly struck with the thought that under different circumstances, Deeks might have ended up a lawyer at a firm just like Anderson, Evans, & Johnson.

She couldn't really imagine it. She had no doubt he was intelligent enough for the actual job, but the environment was entirely too rigid and stifling. It pained her to even imagine Deeks in a place like a law firm, his natural humor and exuberance tucked away behind cold glass and impenetrable wood doors and covered up by three-piece suits, ties, and a severe haircut. And she couldn't imagine his outgoing personality hidden behind that lawyer façade. Just the thought of that broke her heart a little.

Wryly, she shook off the mental image, thankful that things had turned out as they had. For the difference of a few twists of fate, her life and his could have been entirely different and entirely separate.

"How are you settling in?"

So deep in her thoughts, Kensi looked up in surprise at Josh, who was leaning over her desk with a friendly smile.

"Pretty well, thanks. Ms. Martinez is great, and Rachel has been really helpful showing me around today."

"Sofia has been raving about you all day, so I think you're more doing me the favor," Josh replied with a grin. Kensi smiled back shyly, pretending to be pleased at the compliment. A glance back at Josh confirmed what she'd started to sense. There was thinly veiled interest in his eyes as he looked at her. Internally, Kensi sighed, having foolishly hoped she wouldn't have to deal with that kind of attention at her fake day job.

"I was going to head out in a bit and get a drink. Would you care to join me to celebrate your first day on the job? On me, of course."

Kensi shook her head, mustering up the apologetic response the situation called for. "Thanks for the offer, but my boyfriend is expecting me to meet him tonight."

She didn't miss the flash of disappointment in Josh's eyes or the way he quickly leaned back. At least there was one clear benefit to having a boyfriend, fake or otherwise. Most decent men backed off when they found a woman was already spoken for.

"Ah, I see. Another time maybe."

Kensi nodded her affirmative as Josh left, hoping there wouldn't be "another time." And she was perfectly fine with that. It wasn't the first time she'd lied to a man, either as a cover or as herself, about her availability. But at least with this alias she had an easy excuse. And in a new and surprising way, it wasn't even really a lie.

After finishing up her last task for the day, Kensi began to pack up to leave. She checked in with her boss before she departed, feeling a little silly at her sense of accomplishment over a job well done. But Kensi reasoned that whether she was an NCIS agent or undercover as an administrative assistant, there was always a greater purpose to her work.

Smiling to herself, Kensi sent a text message to Deeks to let him know she was on her way, her grin widening at his quick and impatient reply.

BEACH. YOU. HERE. NOW.

The building anticipation to see him again bubbled inside uncontrollably. In their first year as partners, she'd gone from slight dread and annoyance to tolerance, to acceptance, to grudging respect, to looking forward to seeing Deeks every day. It had happened so slowly that she hadn't quite realized the change until he'd gone back deep undercover four months earlier.

Worriedly, Kensi's mind drifted back to what Callen had mentioned about possibly splitting them up after their current assignment. She hadn't told Deeks about that conversation because she didn't want it to cause unnecessary stress or pressure on their current assignment. And she felt as though they had something to prove, especially since she couldn't imagine not working with Deeks every day. Although her work with NCIS had always been interesting in the past, it wasn't the same without him there.

Kensi thought back to the previous day, thinking of what Deeks had said to her. _We've got this. You believe me? _And she did. They just had to prove it to Callen and NCIS.

* * *

><p>It was a day similar to many of the others he'd spent in the last four months undercover as Marty Tyler. The difference was that at the end of the day, he had something to look forward to. He was only vaguely surprised at how the promise of seeing Kensi at the end of the day made everything go that much quicker.<p>

The weather was unseasonably warm for late March, and the avid surfer in Deeks was excited at the change. After the morning surf and his shift at the grocery store, he was back on the beach in the late afternoon, discussing the changing weather with Williams. The wet winter had resulted in a larger than average snow pack in the mountains, which was just beginning to melt and rush down what tributaries there were towards the reservoirs and oceans.

"Have you seen the L.A. River? I was east of downtown the other day and I don't think I've ever seen it so high. It better not mess up the ocean by washing all that junk and pesticides down here."

Deeks nodded, half paying attention to the other man's tirade. He was watching the parking lot for Kensi, having received her text message an hour earlier that she was on her way. When Monty suddenly took off like a rocket running straight towards the parking lot, Deeks grinned, realizing he should have known his dog would know she was there before he did.

As he stood, he looked back at Williams, not missing the thoughtful expression on the other man's face.

"You've really got it bad, don't you?"

Deeks laughed uncomfortably, for the first time a little uncertain how to respond. The question was twofold, and he knew he needed to respond as Marty Tyler even though separating out his feelings for Kensi was difficult.

"You know how it is when you first start seeing a girl. If I never had to let her out of my sight or out of my bed, I'd be a happy man." Latching on to something Williams had said, he turned to the other man. "What were you doing east of downtown?"

Mike turned calculating eyes back to Deeks. "Checking out some possibilities for our next job. It's always good to keep our options open."

Deeks nodded slowly, his brain immediately churning with possibilities. It bothered him that although he was somewhat accepted, the details of the planning and operation of the bank robberies weren't something he was privy to. And that needled him because he knew that the specifics and anticipating where they might hit next were perhaps the key in catching them. Knowing he wouldn't get further talking with Mike at that moment, he let the conversation die.

Deeks glanced towards the parking lot, raising a hand in greeting as he saw Kensi beginning to make her way over the sand towards them. Williams stood next to him, giving Kensi an admiring once-over as she approached. Deeks tensed but did his best to ignore the blatant stare. Williams was the ringleader. Deeks might be within his rights to put Smith in his place, but he knew he had to tread on carefully with Williams.

Kensi came to a stop next to him, leaning into him and lifting her face to his with a smile. He ducked down, kissing her soundly on the mouth.

"Hey, you. Missed you," Kensi's voice was soft and her eyes affectionate as she smiled at him, then shifted her gaze to Williams. "Hi, Mike. How's everything going? You boys have fun on the beach today?"

Williams genuinely smiled at Kensi's friendly question. "Yeah, some decent waves today. I was just complaining to Marty about all the damn water coming down from the mountains and how it's messing up our beach."

Deeks rolled his eyes and laughed, earning a good-natured smile from Williams. "Geez, don't get him started on this stuff again. It's the only thing I've heard about all afternoon. Kensi, do you mind if I surf a little longer before we go?"

Kensi gave him a winning smile, spreading out her towel and sitting down, then patting the space next to her and looking at Williams.

"Not at all. Mike can keep me company and tell me about the crazy water and how it's messing up the beach."

Deeks smiled in admiration as Williams enthusiastically sat down next to Kensi, close enough to be friendly but not too close for comfort. He winked at Kensi as he retreated back to the ocean, impressed with her ability to ease her way in and charm their suspects one by one.

Thirty minutes later when he returned to their spot on the beach, Kensi was still raptly listening to Williams, who was more animated in their conversation than Deeks had seen him with anyone else in the last four months. Deeks was starting to think it would have been smarter to bring Kensi in on the operation since the beginning.

He smiled widely as he saw Kensi had her phone out, taking a photo of him as he walked up the sand towards them. Seeing Deeks approach, Williams stood up, giving Kensi's shoulder a friendly squeeze as he did.

"Kensi asked me to take a picture of the two of you when you got back," Mike said, reaching for Kensi's phone. Deeks put his surfboard on the sand next to Kensi, using his bent over position to reach forward with both hands to grab her hands and pull her up and against him in one fluid and breathless movement. Though she wasn't prepared for the momentum she came easily, laughing as her full body weight fell against him and he caught her effortlessly.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her flush against his still drying body. The fact that she didn't squirm, merely molded her body against him, made him want to forget they had an audience watching. Instead he leaned forward, kissing her on the cheek gently before he moved lower to her neck, all smooth and long softness under his mouth.

Her touch and welcoming warmth were something he'd missed all day. Deeks had to force himself to pull back a little, taking in the genuine and soft smile on Kensi's face. She seemed to quickly remember where they were and pulled away so she could retrieve her phone from Mike, who was giving her a friendly smile.

"You've got quite a girl here, Marty. Don't forget that. See you tomorrow, man."

Williams directed a stern look at Deeks and Kensi grinned broadly, sitting back down on her towel and waving goodbye as Williams collected his board and departed. Shaking his head, Deeks dropped down next to Kensi, shooting her an amazed look.

"How do you do that? I've spent four months trying to win these guys over and in two days you've got them eating from your hand. Williams would probably kick my ass if you asked him to and Thompson is as smitten with you as a kid with his first crush. I'm so in awe I just don't know what to say."

Kensi laughed, sitting up straighter and facing him. "Don't be fooled. It doesn't take much when you're a woman. Just a decent set of breasts and paying a little attention. Men are fairly easy to figure out."

Not sure whether he should agree or be insulted, Deeks gave her a wide grin, leaning in as he glanced with admiration at her breasts.

"Well, yours are awesome."

Kensi rolled her eyes, though she couldn't contain the blush that spread over her neck and face. Deeks took advantage, following the color with his lips, finally reaching her lips and giving her the slow and deep kiss he'd wanted to since she'd arrived. He kept his hands braced next to her, his fingers sinking into the warm sand as Kensi leaned into him, her hands framing his face and her fingers slipping into his hair and stroking his jaw. The tenderness of her touch made it hard not to respond, but he kept his hands studiously away from her.

When Kensi finally pulled back, breathless but with a smile on her face, she tilted her head to the side. "Dinner? Then back to my place?"

Deeks nodded eagerly, collecting his towel and board and jogging to his apartment to drop everything off and meet Kensi. He was just getting ready to put Monty in the garden for the night when Kensi drove up, gesturing them over to the car.

"Why don't you bring him to my apartment? Pets are okay, and I hate to think of him out in the garden all night."

Deeks looked down at Monty where the mutt sat on his haunches and looked up at his owner with a forlorn expression. At the nod of his head and as he opened the car door, Monty quickly jumped in, wagging his tail and sitting in the back seat.

He directed them to a hamburger stand that looked older than the Hollywood sign but had the best flavored burgers-juicy with grease and melted cheese-in all of Los Angeles. And watching Kensi eat her food appreciatively was a favorite pastime of his.

It was getting late by the time they arrived at Kensi's apartment. Deeks walked Monty before he headed up to join Kensi, allowing the dog free rein to explore. He found Kensi in the bedroom, sorting through the clothes in her closet. She'd changed into flannel pants and a tank top to sleep in, her hair pulled back in a loose braid. Deeks brushed up against her back, looping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder to look as she sorted through blouses, skirts, slacks and cardigans.

"So how was the first day on the job?" he asked, enjoying her closeness and the fact that she didn't tense or pull away from his embrace. If anything, she'd sunk into it. The shrug of her shoulder lifted his chin.

"It was fine. Pretty easy, very boring. I answer phones, type up letters, run errands, and make copies. I made friends with the main receptionist, a woman named Rachel. That's why I needed the photos, so I could show her pictures of my boyfriend."

Deeks felt a smile tug his lips at her words. _My boyfriend._ Deciding not to rise and take the bait, he pressed on, concerned about the more questionable aspects of her cover job.

"And Benson's contact? Everything seem okay there?"

"He seemed fine." Kensi paused and Deeks was immediately on alert. "A little . . . interested, but that was it. He didn't allude to knowing anything about me above and beyond that I was a secretary."

"Interested? Like how? Did he ask you out?"

Somehow he managed to keep his voice level, even as an unfamiliar swell of possessiveness flared. Kensi's silence was his answer.

"You don't need to worry, he seemed harmless. Just checking out the new secretary. I shut him down," Kensi said to reassure him.

Deeks was silent, not able to stop the annoying worried feeling about her undercover job. Tuning into his concern, Kensi stopped her sorting and pivoted in his arms, resting her hands on his shoulders and fixing him with a pointed look.

"What's going on, Marty?"

He smiled slightly at her use of his first name, something that was becoming normal between them. He shrugged, letting his hands come to rest on her hips, one hand dipping under the shirt to absently brush her soft bare skin.

"I just want to be sure Benson's contact is above board. I know he vouched for the guy, so I shouldn't be worried."

Kensi touched his cheek gently as she smiled at him. "I know what you mean. I didn't like that the LAPD and FBI initially took point with your undercover, setting the stage and logistics. I was relieved that Eric and Nell took all that over so quickly. But I really think this is okay. And I doubt anyone there is going to look that closely at me."

Deeks nodded reluctantly, and Kensi gave him a confident smile before she pulled away, moving around the bedroom to prepare things so she could get ready for the next day.

Deeks knew there was a game on, but the desire to be near Kensi was a stronger pull. He changed into boxers and a t-shirt, getting into bed and reaching for one of the books he'd brought from his apartment while he waited for Kensi to finish.

His attention was divided as he tried to read his book while the incredibly comforting feeling that had settled over the apartment distracted him. The sounds of Kensi moving through the apartment, shutting off lights, bidding Monty goodnight, brushing her teeth in the bathroom and shuffling across the carpet to climb into bed were warmly soothing.

Deeks had never really done the domestic routine with another woman. The longest girlfriend he'd had since his college days had lasted three months. That was about the shelf life for keeping up a lie about who he really was. Three months in and most women were understandably pushing for more information, wanting to meet his family, wanting him to meet their family. Three months was about as long as he could stand lying to someone when he knew deep down it wouldn't last.

Even then, even with the longest of his relationships, it hadn't ever included arrangements like he and Kensi had. The irony was that while he and Kensi weren't having sex, it was easily the closest and most intimate relationship he'd ever had with a woman. And it didn't scare him at all. It should have, the certainty he felt about Kensi, about how nothing and nobody was more important than her. But he couldn't make himself fearful of something that felt right in a way nothing else in his life ever had.

Kensi impatiently fluffed her pillow and shifted around on her side of the bed, turning on her side and peeking over Deeks' shoulder to see what he was reading.

"_Catch-22_? You didn't get enough of the required high school reading in high school?"

"I went to high school in Reseda, Kensi. I missed out on a lot of the typical classic literature. We were lucky if we read one of the regular high school readings a year. And this definitely wasn't one of them. I'm not sure I would have gotten it then, anyway."

Kensi rested her chin on his shoulder, her arm going around his waist. Absently he found her hand with his, lacing their fingers and resting the open book on his chest to fully look at Kensi.

"What do you mean?"

Deeks was thoughtful and more than a little uncertain going into the conversation with Kensi. Easy, playful banter and insults they did well. Deeper feelings and inner thoughts they were still working on. But, throwing caution to the wind, he reasoned they wouldn't get any better at it unless they tried.

"The story probably wouldn't have made sense. And the moral dilemma of the story, about the choices a person has about doing what is right over doing what is easy and rewarding but ethically wrong, isn't something I would have gotten as a teenager. When I was a kid, I thought everything was black and white. I couldn't imagine the gray that we live our lives in now."

Kensi nodded thoughtfully. Deeks opened his mouth to continue, then stopped himself, thinking what he'd been about to say was a little too revealing. Kensi nudged him with her chin. "What? You were going to say something."

Deeks met her eyes, seeing nothing but genuine curiosity and interest in the dark depths of her eyes.

"There's this line in the book where the main character, Yossarian, says he doesn't want to fly any more bombing missions because he's afraid. Major Major tries to reassure him, saying it's nothing to be ashamed of to be afraid. And Yossarian replies back that he's not ashamed, he's just afraid. I'd never thought of that separately before, that shame following fear wasn't an automatic given. That it's okay to be afraid sometimes. It wasn't really how I was brought up."

Kensi's fingers played against his as she silently digested his words. He watched her face, seeing as she struggled with her thoughts. Then she gave him a tentative and sad smile. "Me either. Having a hard core Marine for a father didn't often leave much room for fear. Dad wasn't harsh but he also didn't know how to deal with a little girl's fear when I lost my mom. And it didn't really prepare me for when I lost him, too."

Deeks shifted over to his side, solidly facing Kensi when he heard the slight tremor in her voice. She was looking down and away from him so he quietly waited, reaching out a hand to gently stroke her hair. He wasn't going to push her to speak about her father, but he wanted her to know he was there if she wanted to.

"I guess I've never told you about what happened to him, have I?" she asked hesitantly, raising eyes shining with unshed tears to meet his. And Deeks felt his heart clench at the sight, to see the bravest woman he knew on the verge of tears.

"You don't have to, if you don't want to—"

"No, I want to," Kensi insisted. "You deserve to know."

Deeks was silent, waiting for Kensi to speak when she was ready.

"I was thirteen when my dad was assigned to Fort Sill in southwestern Oklahoma. He was an incredible shot and had been assigned to teach as part of Army Basic Combat Training at the Army's Field Artillery Center and School. I hated Oklahoma," Kensi laughed at the memory, shaking her head.

"My mom died from cancer eight years earlier and my dad and I had been close ever since. We did everything together, and he was my best friend. But I was also at that age when a young girl needs a mother and for all his best intentions, I don't think my dad quite knew what to do with me sometimes. He tried, but I was a difficult teenager at times."

Deeks rubbed a hand up her arm. "Kens, you shouldn't beat yourself up over that. I think all teenage girls have their moments. The remote thought of one day possibly having a teenage daughter terrifies me more than staring down the barrel of a gun."

Kensi smiled appreciatively at him, touching his face gratefully as she spoke again. "It was two years later that I'd just had it one night. There was always a curfew or rule he wanted me to follow even if he wasn't home, like the night when he went out for drinks with his friends but I wasn't allowed to go to a movie. So I snuck out."

Kensi took a deep breath then fixed her eyes with his when she continued. "When I got back and he still wasn't home, I was so proud of myself for not getting caught. I went to bed and didn't think anything of the fact that he hadn't come home until the next morning when the MPs showed up."

Kensi's voice trembled at the memory, the tears swimming in her eyes spilling over. Deeks murmured quietly to her, brushing a hand over her hair and kissing her forehead gently, using his thumbs to wipe the tears away. He wanted her to stop just so she wouldn't keep crying because it hurt so much to see her upset, but Deeks just held her as she doggedly continued.

"They wouldn't let me see him, said he was so disfigured that he wasn't recognizable. There was a funeral service at Fort Sill but he's buried in San Diego with my mom. He was stationed at Camp Pendleton when my mom got sick, and when she died we buried her at the National Cemetery there. Neither of them had any family left and as the spouse of a Marine she could be buried there to wait for him. And he wanted to be buried with her even though he could have been buried in Arlington with full honors."

Kensi's voice was proud with the recollection of her father, and Deeks smiled at the memory of him shining in her eyes. He wanted to ask about her father's cause of death but resisted, knowing it wasn't the time to ask.

"He must have loved your mom a lot," Deeks observed. Kensi nodded against the pillow, bringing her forehead to rest against his.

"I think he did. I was so young when she died so it's hard to know for sure. But I saw how much he missed her. Her picture was always the first thing that went up on the wall in whatever house we lived in."

Deeks was quiet as Kensi's voice trailed off, sensing that for the moment, she'd reached the end of her story but was gathering the courage to say more. She was restlessly twisting her fingers together until suddenly she stopped, resting both her palms flat against his chest, her hands overlapping right over his heart. He had to strain to hear her next quiet words.

"I'm not afraid of a lot of things. It just isn't in my nature. And I've had to train myself not to be afraid of losing people. Most of the men in my life I seem to lose. And I'm not ashamed to say it, but I am afraid of losing you."

Deeks swallowed with difficulty at her words while his arms went around her, pulling her close and staring into her open eyes, so full of a mixture of fear and caring that he almost couldn't breathe. He thought back to his certainty just days before that he wasn't cut out for long undercover operations anymore because someone, because Kensi, had become more important than his job. It was awe inspiring to realize that he held a similar level of importance to her.

"I'm afraid, too. Nothing scares me more than thinking something bad could happen to you. But that's why I watch your back and I trust you to watch mine. Because as long as we do that, I have to believe we'll be okay."

Kensi gave him a tremulous smile as she took a deep breath, nodding her head against his. He was careful not to make grand sweeping promises or declarations. He wasn't about to belittle her intelligence or downplay the dangerousness of their jobs by suggesting he would never get hurt or he would always be there. As much as he hated to admit it, her injuries from the previous week were evidence that proved otherwise. But he was comforted by knowing that despite everything, he and Kensi weren't being ruled by their fears. They were facing them together by putting their trust in each other.

"You okay?" he murmured, his lips lightly kissing her cheek. When she smiled he felt the skin stretching over her high cheekbone under his lips.

"Yeah, I'm good. I'm glad you're here."

He had a feeling he would never get tired of her saying things like that to him in a voice full of intimacy and caring. It was still so new, and such a welcome feeling to be wanted and needed. Deeks gave her a soft smile and gathered her close.

"Me too."


	11. Chapter 11

**Please see previous chapters for summary, disclaimer, etc.  
>Rating: <strong>I think we're still safely in the "T" category for now, but this is a little more explicit than previous chapters.  
><strong>Note:<strong> Thank you so much for the reviews, alerts and favorites! I'm humbled by all the nice things I see in the reviews. And I love the fact that many of you are as enthused to read this and I am in writing it. A huge thank you to **MioneAlterEgo **for being a wonderful sounding board and for hunting down all my editorial fails. I hope you all enjoy this latest chapter, it's a bunch of technical stuff that hopefully makes sense and a fair bit of fluff to make it go down easier if it doesn't.

* * *

><p>The first week of their joint undercover assignment as a couple went quickly. It was almost absurdly easy to blend Kensi into his assignment and for her to be accepted by the group. Deeks wasn't someone who really believed in coincidences so the simplicity of it would have made him nervous except he had nothing specifically to be suspicious of.<p>

Kensi worked her days at the law firm of Anderson, Evans, & Johnson without incident. Although Deeks was still uneasy about the interest Joshua Scott had shown in Kensi, she assured him that the lawyer had made no additional moves and appeared not to be a threat. Most evenings Kensi came to the beach after her job, basking in the setting sun as Deeks finished surfing for the day.

One night they met at The Grove, sitting and people-watching the crowds of shoppers, diners and celebrities that passed through the busy shopping area. Deeks spent every night at Kensi's apartment, which, on top of spending time with Kensi, had the added benefit of getting him away from his bugged apartment. It also fit in perfectly with his cover, since as a new couple it wasn't unusual for them to want to spend every available waking moment and sleeping hour together. Kensi did regular sweeps of her apartment and no surveillance was detected. Deeks suspected this was because the building had heightened security that couldn't be easily breached without detection. Having the apartment as a refuge where they could shed their covers was a welcome relief.

On one weeknight, Kensi had joined Deeks and their suspects at a bar, having a few drinks with them before apologetically calling it a night and returning to her apartment so she could get to bed at a reasonable hour. Deeks considered going back to his apartment that night, but he'd found himself unable to face the cold mattress on the floor of his quiet apartment. It hadn't even fazed Kensi when he'd crawled into bed with her. The late night moonlight had revealed her sleepy and knowing smile as she sank into his arms and welcomed his lips on hers. It had surprised him how she was changing, allowing him close in ways he previously wouldn't have thought possible.

Kensi had always been something of an enigma, erecting boundaries in their early days as partners that he'd unabashedly crashed through. Even then he'd sensed those boundaries were protective but not entirely wanted. She didn't want to fence herself off from the world, but hurt was a powerful motivator. He liked to think that his perseverance to be her partner and friend had made it so she could look at those boundaries and start to question if she needed them. Her acceptance of him as potentially more than her partner and friend was a blatant sign that might be the case. And he took it very seriously that she was willing to consider making that change.

And that was new for him. Taking a relationship with a woman seriously. He'd had some girlfriends he was serious about. He was never deliberately unkind or inconsiderate with the women he'd dated. But every relationship he'd engaged in had an expiration date. That made it easy to keep his distance, have fun, and get out when that expiration date inevitably hit. His entire relationship with Kensi, from the moment they'd met in the Blood & Guts Warriors gym, had existed in a strangely murky environment of ambiguity. And he would have been lying if he casually shrugged that off. It left him uncertain and feeling a little off his game. But then that was a normal feeling around Kensi. She had the exceptional ability to leave him unsettled.

Despite the undeniable evidence that he was becoming hopelessly dependent on Kensi's physical presence in order to peacefully sleep, there wasn't anything beyond sleep between them. In public, they played the part of a new couple in the honeymoon phase of their relationship well. When others were watching, Kensi was physically flirty and he was possessively tactile with her in return.

But it was different when they were alone. Instead of an effort to act as their covers—a couple growing closer—they were able to relax and just get used to their new closeness. While their covers might be theoretically breaking the weekly average in sexual activity for a couple, he and Kensi were still working their way towards what their physical relationship might entail. And that was new for him, too, carefully considering the long term ramifications of what getting physically involved too quickly might do to them.

Deeks was extremely cautious about not messing things up with Kensi. They were both healthy, attractive, consenting adults. But he didn't want whatever they might have to be something easily done and carelessly diminished. So although it was also endlessly frustrating, since he had a very strong desire to show Kensi physically how much she meant to him, he held back. Whatever happened, he didn't want it to be because of or in spite of their undercover assignment.

They didn't make it easy for each other. Deeks was even more easily distracted by her short skirts and flashes of skin under tank tops and bikini tops and bottoms now that he had a license to look and touch. And Kensi had quickly grown accustomed to allowing her gaze to drift appreciatively over his bare chest and lean back. And where eyes roamed hands followed when they were alone. He was quickly becoming addicted to the smoothness of her skin and the sounds she made when he touched her.

He was changing, too. Before he and Kensi had been in tune as partners and friends. But they were quickly becoming acclimated as something more. When she fully relaxed around him, which was usually only in her apartment when they were alone and away from watchful eyes, he could tell when she wanted to have her space or wanted him close. And he respected those boundaries, at least some of the time. Deeks was a bit demanding in return, probably asking for more physical intimacy than Kensi was used to. But it was a sign of their developing relationship that she was willing to bend, allowing him privileges with her that she hadn't given anyone in years.

Although they hadn't talked about taking their physical relationship further, Deeks knew it was on both their minds. After all, sex was always complicated. Whether you were having it or not having it, complication was inevitable. And even though patience wasn't his strongest quality, he found he could be patient for Kensi. Missing her for four months had taught him he could live without a lot. But hands down the most important thing was being with her, having her near.

On the Friday of their first week undercover together, they were back at Kensi's apartment after an evening on the beach and dinner with Thompson and Williams. Smith rarely joined them for meals, and Deeks tried not to be too concerned about the rift. He didn't like the guy, but he didn't want to completely alienate him and risk the operation. Williams had assured him that the other man was more solitary by nature and his behavior was not unusual.

But it was when Marty Tyler's cell phone rang with an incoming text message that Deeks was instantly on guard, picking up the phone and showing it to Kensi. His only text messages came from the phone Kensi used as her alias, and from their robbery suspects. This message came from "Mom" and simply said: "Dinner time." Kensi mirrored his confused expression until a moment later when the door buzzer sounded.

Kensi pushed the button, waiting cautiously to find out who was downstairs calling her apartment to be allowed up.

"Um, pizza delivery for Sullivan?"

Kensi gave Deeks a broad smile, recognizing the voice instantly and pushing another button to open the downstairs door. Once there was a knock on the door, Deeks silently moved to the wall next to the door handle, ready to stop their visitor if somehow a trap was being laid for them. With a quick glance and silent nods between them, Kensi swung the door open.

Decked out in an authentic pizza delivery guy uniform, Eric looked slightly nervous as he stood at the doorway, two flat pizza boxes balanced on his arms. Kensi pulled him in, shutting the door behind him. Deeks circled around in front, methodically looked over Eric.

"Everything okay?"

Eric nodded, pulling the baseball cap off his head and running a hand through his hair in a nervous gesture.

"Yeah, everything's good. I have news about the banking software systems and a briefing on overall security that Hetty wanted passed along. She thought it would be best if I did both," Eric said, clearly not agreeing with their boss. Deeks traded an amused glance with Kensi; they knew Eric's last and only previous experience as a field agent had left him happy to be left behind at OSP. It had to be important if Hetty had managed to convince him to give it another try.

Deeks took a deep breath, then grinned widely at the boxes in Eric's hands. "Is that actual pizza?"

Eric nodded, handing the boxes over. Deeks flipped open the first one and dove right in. Kensi shot him an exasperated look, which made Deeks pause only momentarily as he devoured a slice of sausage and mushroom pizza.

"What?"

"You just ate. Like an hour ago."

Deeks shrugged, shuffling to the kitchen to get plates and napkins before moving to the table where Kensi and Eric joined him.

"There's always room for pizza, Kensi."

Kensi shook her head, but found herself taking a slice when she saw the pepperoni and olive pizza in the second box. Deeks raised an eyebrow and Kensi simply shrugged back, turning her attention back to Eric.

"So what's going on? Any issues at OSP?"

"Things seem to be running smoothly. Someone was hitting Kensi's legend pretty hard earlier this week but it withstood the scrutiny. I couldn't trace who was doing it, they ran their access through a number of proxies and servers and were gone too quickly. Near as we can tell, the only surveillance of the two of you seems to be at the apartment rented to Tyler."

"Detective Benson reported to Hetty earlier today that everything is still clear on the LAPD and FBI side of things. The FBI is starting to get a little impatient and making noise about shutting the operation down."

"What? After all this time? They can't do that!" Kensi exclaimed, angry on Deeks' behalf at the threat to his months of work.

"Detective Benson and Hetty are fighting them on it and for now everything continues. But she wanted me to tell you."

Deeks frowned, looking down at his second piece of pizza, suddenly not hungry enough to finish it. The thought that months of undercover work and sacrifice could be for nothing wasn't something he wanted to think about. "What did you find out about the banking security software?"

Eric's eyes lit up, the conversation veering into an area he was more comfortable with.

"The software company that designs most banking security software systems is called Rapport. Their latest software, Orpheus 5.4, handles all the typical account transactions and data, encrypting the information in a supposedly secure method so it can be shared across networks and online connections.

"From what we've seen from the last two robberies, these guys look like they're trying to access one thing: safety deposit box information. Now, safety deposit boxes themselves are a no go. The system is virtually impossible to crack to get at that information. And even if it could be cracked, there are physical limitations to doing it. Even if they located boxes they wanted to get in to, there are multiple locking systems and the deposit area for the boxes is usually located in a secure part of the bank that would take too long to access during a robbery."

Deeks nodded slowly, pondering what they knew about the case. "I wonder why they were trying to access that information during the last two robberies then?"

"Wishful thinking? Overreaching? Misdirection?" Kensi offered. At the last word, something in Deeks' brain clicked and his eyes met Kensi's, seeing the confirming glint in her dark eyes.

"Eric, are there other vulnerabilities in the software that someone could access while in the same part of the system that handles the safety deposit box information?"

Eric nodded eagerly. "Yes, the main vulnerability that I found in Orpheus 5.4 was that if you are hardwired into the software system at the bank and if you know what you're looking for, you can find the unique source code to the software. And if you have the source code you have access to encrypted account transactions within the bank's secure network. Without knowing precisely what they looked at during the last two robberies other than the safety deposit boxes it's only an educated guess, but that's what I'd go after."

"So you think they made attempts to access information they knew wouldn't do them any good in order to cover up what they were really looking at?" Kensi asked. Eric nodded quickly.

"What could they do with that information?" Deeks asked.

"Nothing in its raw form. The source code is what makes everything possible. If you have that you can crack the encryption software that tracks banking transactions."

Deeks traded a knowing glance with Kensi. "I'm guessing it would be no problem for you?"

"Cracking it is easy. Doing something with it to make it useful is something else altogether," Eric paused, seeming to consider his next words. "The data does you no good if you can't translate it out of the bank's hardwired system, can't store it. The encryption is supposed to erase the storage of the data just as soon as it is transmitted out of the system. The more tricky, and shall we say elegant, solution to that would be designing malware that could collect that data before its erased."

"What good would that do?" Kensi asked slowly.

"The malware would have to be designed in advance and uploaded to a hardwire link at the bank and into the software system. And for it to work properly, you have to have the source code. And that's imbedded somewhere in the software system. Undetected, the right kind of malware could collect the encrypted account information and then be designed to automatically send that information to a secure online source for later retrieval. With the right encryption software, it would only be a short matter of time before a trove of account information could be accessible. And if you can design something to crack the encryption code, then you can get access to the overall system, and with unfiltered account information, you can do virtually whatever you want."

"And you can design this kind of malware?" Deeks asked, clearly impressed. Eric looked a little insulted that he'd had to ask.

"Of course I can. And I can do one better, attaching a second code of malware to the first code that would allow us to track what is being collected and I can design the code so that notifies us the instant someone tries to access the collected data, telling us exactly who they are and where they are."

"What good does this kind of account information do for some surfers in Venice? That doesn't really make sense. These guys aren't super sophisticated criminals with hackers at their disposal. They must want to do something with the data," Kensi mused. Eric nodded in agreement.

"To sell to the highest bidder. Or it could be that the drug cartel they are working with wants the information as part of their payment for laundering the robbery money. Either way, it's something new and would explain why they changed their normal method for robbery the last two times. And Marty Tyler can give them exactly what they need," Eric replied. Deeks nodded slowly in agreement.

"How long do you think it will take to write the code to do this?" Deeks asked. Eric cocked his head to the side, considering and calculating.

"No more than two weeks. And you'll want to get them to provide you with a computer. I could write it entirely on our computers but if we want it to pass scrutiny it needs to be written on a computer they provide. I'll write down the specifications for what kind to get. Once it's designed, I can run you through what you'd need to do in order to find the source code in the bank's software system and how to load both sets of malware, since without the second code you'd only be giving them exactly what they want. We'd need the tracking malware to make it useful to us. And they'd have to be loaded separately but directly into a hardwired location at the bank."

Deeks tried not to appear too overwhelmed at Eric's words, already a little concerned that the technology was slightly above his skill level. But Kensi gave him an encouraging smile, reaching out to squeeze his hand gently and leaving her hand over his on the table in a gesture Eric studiously pretended to ignore.

Eric finished writing the specifications for the computer, sliding the paper over to Deeks. Although his computer skills weren't nearly as advanced as Eric's, Deeks recognized enough in the specifications to be able to communicate what he would need.

"I'll start writing the code and get as far as I can. Probably in a week I'm going to need the computer so we'll have to plan a way for you to get it to me."

Deeks nodded, tapping his fingers against the table in a nervous staccato rhythm before he caught himself, lifting the hand to rub absently at his jaw. "There's a party at Williams' house tomorrow night that Kensi and I will be going to. I'll let them know I need a computer and get in touch once I have it."

Eric nodded in agreement. Kensi watched Deeks closely, noticing the telltale signs that something was bothering him. She ran a hand up his arm, resting it on his bicep. He turned his eyes to her, seeing the question there.

"We need to get more information on this supposed drug cartel that may be laundering the robbery funds. Any progress on that front, Eric?" Deeks asked. Eric shook his head.

"The FBI made no headway with trying to narrow that down. Nell kind of took that as a personal challenge." Eric grinned fondly and Kensi found an answering smile on her face, understanding how persistent the younger woman could be. "She's been been trying to track the funds that Williams, Smith, and Thompson have within their control. On the surface, they have very little cash to their names. Nell thinks they have off shore accounts that are hiding most of the funds, but without more to go on, we're having a hard time tracking it down. There are a lot of international banks more than willing to anonymously hide money, even if it comes from criminal activity."

"If we can't tie the robberies and money laundering to a drug cartel, we only get to the surface of the crimes being committed," Deeks said persistently. Kensi heard the hard tone in his voice and noticed the tension in his body. And she didn't miss the guilt that passed over Eric's face at Deeks' unintentionally admonishing words. Kensi laid a hand low on Deeks' back, applying slight pressure that seemed to snap him out of it. He ducked his head and gave Eric an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, Eric. I know you guys are doing all you can. And that you've already done more than you ever should have."

Eric gave Deeks a forgiving smile. "We're a team. And we're doing everything we can. Callen and Sam are working through some of their contacts, too. If there's any way figure out the drug cartel angle, we will."

Kensi was thoughtful a moment, then she looked at Deeks, finding him watching her. "Williams and Derek Smith share a house, right?"

At Deeks' answering nod she continued, laying out a plan. "I think it's time we take this up a notch. Tomorrow at the party, I'll do a little snooping around, see if I can find a home office or information on their robbery plans or the drug cartel connection."

Deeks looked increasingly uneasy at her words. "I don't know if that's a good idea, Kens."

"No, it's perfect. You can do some interference and with people around, it'll be easier to hide what I'm doing. And I can always cast off suspicion about being in an unfamiliar house if someone comes across me," Kensi replied, a stubborn tone to her voice. Seeing Deeks' wavering uncertainty, she pressed. "We might get something that would give us the link we need to the drug cartel. Don't worry about me, I can do this."

Slowly, and with great reluctance, Deeks nodded his agreement. Feeling slightly elated at being able to do something useful beyond playing a secretary and captivated girlfriend, Kensi smiled in return.

Eric cleared his throat, returning their attention back to him. "I'd better get back to OSP, I've got some coding I need to get started on. And we all want this mission over as soon as possible so you guys can come back. Nell and Hetty are already planning the welcome back party."

Kensi watched as Deeks nodded and took a breath, then as he stood abruptly, murmuring a hasty goodbye to Eric before he walked towards the bedroom. Kensi bit her lower lip in concern. She'd noticed the overwhelming emotion passing over Deeks' face as he'd passed by her. Eric was watching her, questions in his unguarded face that Kensi couldn't begin to answer. So she gave him a brave smile and ushered him towards the door, stopping with him before opening it for him to leave.

"Don't take it personally, Eric. Marty's been at this a long time and he feels bad for roping us in," Kensi explained. Eric raised a curious eyebrow at her use of Deeks' first name, but merely nodded his acceptance of Kensi's explanation. Eric turned to go but Kensi stopped him with a hand on his arm, lowering her voice as she spoke.

"Listen, Eric. Joshua Scott, this lawyer at the firm where I'm working. You and Nell checked him out, right?" She asked, keeping her tone calm. Eric nodded slowly.

"Yeah, Detective Benson gave us all the information on him and we independently verified that he's clean. Other than a couple parking tickets and one speeding ticket a couple years ago nothing came up," Eric paused, then pushed forward at the hesitant expression on Kensi's face. "But you'd like us to look again, and dig deeper?"

Nodding quickly, Kensi smiled at him gratefully. "Would you? I don't know that it's anything to worry about, but I want to be sure."

Eric quickly nodded his agreement. Kensi asked him to send their greetings to everyone and closed the door quietly behind him.

Even with physical walls separating them, Kensi could feel Deeks, could feel his impatience and frustration. Although he kept it well hidden, at times she could see it ate away at him as he worked to complete their assignment. To him, every passing day felt a little like failure, and although Deeks was certainly used to other people labeling him a failure, she'd long learned the person hardest on him was himself. Kensi was a little more pragmatic, considering they made progress every day in building the trust and relationships with their suspects that would pay off later. But then she'd only been at it a week, while Deeks was going on four-and-a-half months.

It had been a very revealing week. Kensi was learning a lot about herself and her ability to keep in character with her alias, to look and act a part at all times. She knew Callen and Sam had done it before, spent weeks and months playing someone else. And Deeks probably had them all beat with some of his aliases and how long they'd lasted. She was gaining a new appreciation for how challenging it was to not just think like an alias, but become that alias so that thinking like them was instinctive and not a conscious behavior.

And then there was everything she was learning about Deeks. Before, she thought she'd known him pretty well. And in hindsight she probably had known him better than anyone else in his life. But before she wouldn't have been able to comprehend the layers—-and the depths of those layers—-that existed below the casual and confident surface that Marty Deeks portrayed to the rest of the world.

They were spending far more time together than they ever had before. It had concerned her at first when he was quiet, sometimes for long stretches at a time, as they sat together, ate, or watched television or a movie. When he didn't try to make light of every little thing around them, she'd almost asked him if he wasn't feeling well. She recognized his act as Marty Tyler around their suspects. She could see that and understand. But the occasionally quiet and pensive side of Marty Deeks was a new one for her.

In counterpoint, there were times when he wouldn't shut up. One weeknight they'd been lying in bed and he was rambling on about global warming, and she'd literally covered his mouth with her hand to get him to be quiet so she could sleep. But seeing his sheepish grin and accepting the warm kiss he placed on her neck, she easily forgave him. It was a strange weakness she was quickly becoming aware of. It was impossible for her to hold a grudge against him. His chagrined smile aimed at her and warm mouth on her skin made her melt, even though she tried to hide it. She didn't need him to have knowledge of that kind of ammunition to use against her.

After a few days, Kensi thought she understood why Deeks was behaving as he was. She was generally a good judge of character, and if there was one person she could fluently read, it was Deeks. It wasn't really the undercover assignment or even the stress of the last few months. She had to admit, he'd done a very good job for the first year and a half of their partnership allowing her to see the carefree and easy parts of himself he wanted her to see. But somewhere between when he'd approached her in the club on Saturday and their mutual confessions on Sunday night, the barriers were down. She was finally seeing the real him, in all his moodiness, insecurity, frustration, sensitivity and outright optimism and humor.

The _realness_ of Deeks should have made her nervous. It had been a long time and she'd been very young, but Kensi remembered how nervous she'd been when she and Jack got serious. She'd been a bit star struck by him and at eighteen, still fresh from losing her father, it had been easy for him to become her whole world. But now, with years of perspective and more than a little heartbreak mixed in, Kensi could look back at her relationship with Jack and recognize how much of him she hadn't known, and how little of herself she'd put into their relationship. They'd had wonderful times together, but she'd never been able to fully relax and just be herself. And admittedly that was partly because at such a young age, she wasn't even sure who she was.

It was so different with Deeks. Seeing all the layers, his sharp edges that made her angry or want to scream, the side of him that made her want to soften and melt, they didn't scare her. It felt comfortable. And it felt safe and affirming in a way she hadn't felt since she was a teenager and her father was still alive.

It was that safety that was her only fear. Feeling it again, she didn't want to let go. And there was very little in their lives that they could count on as lasting forever. Kensi had yet to voice her fears to Deeks; she was still rational enough not to push things to move too quickly and too soon.

Kensi had seen enough in her first year as Deeks' partner to know that like many single and attractive men, Deeks wasn't necessarily ready to settle down. And Kensi wasn't sure if she was, either. Not to mention the nature of their jobs made it difficult to really be truthful and serious with any potential romantic partner. And whatever it was they had together was still new and hard to classify or explain.

Neither of them had been very successful at relationships. Except perhaps their relationship, and that had been forged through an uneasy series of ups and downs and was still a work in progress. Having to lie all the time to everyone they met made trusting relationships impossible. Despite knowing that, Kensi knew for Deeks it was different with her. With her, she knew, he was loyal and she could trust him.

And even though Deeks didn't come out and say it, Kensi had a feeling that he was allowing her a glimpse he'd never let anyone really see before. He was far more open to her than she was with him. Not because she didn't want to be, she just knew it would take her more time. And Deeks didn't push her; he seemed happy and content with what she gave him of herself. But she marveled at how he gave her so much of himself. She thought it was an odd mixture of foolishness and bravery. It took bravery to be emotionally open with another person. And it was also foolish to do so since the second you did that, you also opened yourself up to the hurt and pain they could cause you because of their influence over you.

It was humbling, realizing the influence she had over him. Without trepidation, he'd let her in to his soul, and knowing that, that he'd allowed her to have that kind of power over him, only made her want to guard his trust all the more carefully. Never in her life had anyone given her that much power over them. She wondered sometimes if he even realized it.

Part of her wanted to caution him, wanted to warn him that giving power over yourself to other people just made it easier for them to hurt you. She knew that from personal experience. But there was a small part of her that selfishly coveted what he'd given her. And in that, Kensi could take some solace. She would never want to hurt him.

But it was the unintentional and uncontrollable that she worried about. She had a feeling losing her would damage him irreparably. And she worried that when it really counted, when she might be called on to make a sacrifice in the line of duty, that she would make the wrong choice. That she would choose him over herself or the success of their mission.

Kensi sighed, shaking her head as the uncertainties turned over and over. She couldn't be sure what she would do. But she knew Deeks would never want her to sacrifice herself or the mission to save him. But knowing that and predicting how she would react in the split second she might have to decide what to do was impossible. All she could do was hope she would make the right decision, whatever that might be.

Casting a glance towards the bedroom, Kensi padded around the apartment, putting a few things away and shutting off lights as she went. Really she was giving Deeks some time to himself, time to decide what he wanted to say. She knew if he wanted to talk he would find her; Deeks wasn't the least bit shy about seeking her out to talk or to ask her advice. But even though he maybe didn't want to talk right at that moment, she wasn't going to let him off that easy. She could push him just as hard as he pushed her.

But finally, when she could delay no longer and it was getting late, Kensi entered the bedroom, finding Deeks on the balcony, leaning against the iron railing, his face turned into the light evening breeze. When he made no move towards her, she gave him a few more minutes by changing into her pajamas.

Kensi stepped out on the balcony, standing behind Deeks and gauging the tension in his body. His arms were braced on the railing, his body bent forward and appearing deceptively relaxed. Her palms, laid flat on his back, told her all she needed to know. He was upset about something to do with the case, what Eric had said, or perhaps something else altogether that she couldn't name.

"Marty." His name on her lips was familiar now, to the point where she wondered at how difficult it would be to go back to calling him Deeks when they were back at NCIS. And at the slight relaxing of the muscles under her hands, she moved her palms up to squeeze his shoulders, taking note that he leaned back into her touch, not away. "What's going on? You know everyone is doing everything they can, including you."

He turned under her hands so that he leaned his back against the railing, letting his hands come to rest at her hips, the expanse of his hands warmly reminding her of the few layers of thin cotton she was wearing. A bit belatedly, she remembered she'd removed her bra and she resisted the urge to cross her arms over her chest. Deeks, observant and single-minded man that he could be at times, clued into the state of her clothing immediately, his hands sweeping up past her waist to her sides where he left them, pulling her a little closer and then allowing his thumbs to sweep slowly and tantalizing close to the slope of her breasts.

She gave him a pointed look, to which he merely smiled back and stilled his hands. His smile was less playful than she would have expected and that concerned Kensi. She rested her hands on his biceps, squeezing gently until he looked into her eyes, sighing deeply before he spoke.

"It's nothing knocking Eric, Nell, Callen, Sam, or anyone at NCIS helping out where they shouldn't have to. I'm really not used to that, not being alone on these kinds of assignments." Deeks paused and looked off to the side, out towards the water until he turned his eyes, deep blue with emotion, fully back to her. "And don't get me wrong, nothing makes me happier than having you here."

Kensi smiled, stepping closer so she stood between his legs, her thighs brushing his.

"But at least before, if I failed it was all on me. I didn't take anyone down with me and I don't want the possibility that this operation could fail to fall on the team."

Kensi gave Deeks an incredulous look. "That's what you're worried about? Do you really think we care about that? Besides, I guarantee that if something goes wrong, the person we want in our corner is Hetty. She protects her people and failure or not, she will stand behind us."

Deeks smiled, his lips lifting just the corner of his mouth at Kensi's adamant tone. He shook his head in amazement.

"I keep forgetting, but then you say things like that. It's just a big change, to go from 'me' and 'I' to 'we' and 'us.'"

Kensi smiled and punched his shoulder lightly. "Well, get used to it. I'm not going anywhere. And neither is the rest of _our_ team."

Deeks nodded, then allowed his hands to slide around her back and he pulled her close, tucking his chin to rest on her shoulder. Kensi embraced his shoulders under her arms and let him cradle her close, closing her eyes to enjoy the warm and solid feel of him against her.

"It just sort of hit me, when Eric was talking about a welcome home party. I want this operation to be over, Kensi. For a lot of reasons that have nothing to do with justice and solving crime," Deeks said, guilt seeping into his tone. Kensi leaned back a little so her face was inches from his and she moved her hands to rest around his neck.

"You think you're the only one? I know what we're doing is important but I want to get back home, too. I miss our cases at NCIS, I miss working with the others, I even miss stakeouts with you in the car eating all my snacks."

Deeks grinned at that, reaching out to tug teasingly at her ear lobe with his thumb and forefinger. "I'll remember that next time you complain that I ate your last Twix."

Kensi smiled back, but her own words turned over in her head and she studied Deeks closely. "Do you though? Do you really want to get back to NCIS?"

Deeks was puzzled as he considered the questions. "What do you mean?"

"Just that this is what you do. Undercover for the LAPD is your thing. Working at NCIS was kind of shoved on you."

Deeks looked thoughtful at her words, reaching up to wrap a curl of her hair around his finger. She loved how he couldn't seem to stop touching her, a light caress here, a confirming stroke there. Like he wanted to remind himself she was really there with him.

"Maybe at first it was. But it's where I want to be now. It's taken me awhile to realize that, to understand that even though two years ago I never would have thought I didn't want to be an undercover cop with the LAPD, I've moved on and changed. I can thank you for that."

Kensi tried not to blush at his words, but the warm look he gave her was impossible to have a defense against. He leaned forward, nuzzling her neck and deliciously rubbing his beard against her shoulder and collarbone before pulling back, a twinkle in his eye.

"I still remember the first time I saw you in that gym. My heart raced. At the time, I told myself it was the workout and it had nothing to do with the suspicious woman potentially messing up my investigation," Deeks said, shaking his head. Kensi was silently, insanely curious about what he was telling her. They'd never really talked much about that first meeting and that first case.

"Why did it matter much who I was or might be?"

"Well, when I thought you were some random girl Zuna was seeing, that was one thing. But then you fed me that line about a drug buy and I was disappointed you might be a criminal. I don't tend to go after the deviant girls," Deeks teased. Kensi's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Are you saying you would have tried to pick me up as Jason Wyler once your undercover was over if I'd just been some girlfriend of your murdered roommate?" Kensi asked incredulously. Deeks thought for only a second, then nodded unapologetically. Kensi gasped.

"Seriously? Have you no shame?"

"Nope. No scruples either."

Kensi laughed out loud, shaking her head in amusement. "God, you are such a _guy _sometimes." When she looked back at Deeks, she saw the bright spark in his eyes and it warmed her to see his mood lifted. Deciding to give him a piece of the story of their meeting that he didn't know, she leaned towards him.

"Did you know that from the moment we met, I was fixated on you?"

Deeks raised an eyebrow and his grin widened with interest. "Really? Do tell."

"You kind of stood out from the other guys at the gym with your unkempt beard and floppy hair—"

"I've told you! I don't make it do this, it does it on it's own, I can't control it!"

"—And you were so abrupt and unfriendly at the gym, it stayed with me. I made Eric dig further into your very poorly constructed alias. Callen and Sam gave me hell for being stuck on you."

At her words, Deeks' face relaxed and softened, his smile turned pleased. "Stuck, huh?"

"I think Callen was the one who accused me of being 'stuck, smitten, whatever'," Kensi laughed at the memory. "And that was after they teased me about your baby blue eyes and fluffy hair."

Deeks laughed earnestly in return. "Oh, I wish I'd been there for that!"

"It was kind of my fault. I kept bringing you up because I thought you were hinky," Kensi said ruefully.

Deeks grinned at her. "Well, I kind of was. So you weren't really off base there."

"Good thing it all worked out then," Kensi said with a shy smile.

"I'll say. Finding out you were law enforcement was the best news I'd ever heard," Deeks murmured against her ear.

"The best news, huh?"

Deeks nodded, his chin coming to rest on her shoulder again. "Yeah. Well, only to be topped by a few months ago when Hetty offered me a permanent position as an NCIS agent."

"We need to work on a few things if all the good moments in your life recently have revolved around work."

Deeks pulled back slightly, raising his eyebrows in a question at Kensi's playful smile.

"What did you have in—"

Kensi cut him off with her lips, leaning forward and up on her toes so she could kiss him. He was just tall enough that she had to reach a little further. It took him a second to respond, and then his smile under her lips was her answer. It was rare when they were alone for her to initiate a kiss. Partly because Deeks rarely gave her the chance to, he was often too impatient to wait for her to act. She always reciprocated, but Kensi had a feeling he would get a thrill from her taking the lead.

The kiss started out playful, but quickly turned languid and heated, with Deeks pulling her body as close as she could get. His body surrounded her with warmth; this feeling, his smell, she was quickly coming to identify him as the most comfortable place in her world.

Kensi kissed and nibbled on his full lower lip, not the least bit surprised when his answer was to apply insistent pressure with his lips until hers opened with a sigh and his tongue slipped into her mouth. She tried to focus on one feeling at a time, with his lips and tongue making her dizzy while his hands slipped under her pajamas and touched and squeezed until she was all but unable to stand. As had become strangely usual, Deeks overwhelmed her senses. And her need to touch him, taste him, and see more of him had her pulling him back inside and towards the bed.

Faster than even she thought possible, his shirt was gone, pulled over his head in a hurry. Whether he'd done it or she had she didn't know. Her hands on the snap of his jeans was all the incentive he needed to unzip and push them free. With just his boxers left, Deeks turned back to Kensi, his eyes hungrily roving over her from head to toe as she leaned back against the pillows on the bed.

With a quick fluidity she couldn't help but admire, he moved to lay next to her, capturing her lips in another searing kiss that made her toes curl as she wrapped a foot around his calf. So distracted was she by his attentive mouth and his body touching her in all the right places, it was almost a surprise when she felt his hand cupping her breast under her tank top, a thumb brushing lightly but with purpose over her skin. Her gasp and his answering groan against her neck broke through the pleasurable haze surrounding her mind.

Thoughts assailed her then, remembering how she'd used physical situations like this one to make her forget past hurt. Even though she knew it was Deeks and he was different, her mind tumbled into overdrive. For so long intimacy had meant nothing, had made her feel nothing other than a physical pleasure. Having it mean something with someone who meant something was more than she could process at that moment.

Although Deeks was concentrating on touching her, and the rocking pressure of his hips against hers indicated his singular focus, when she pushed at his shoulders, pushing herself back more than pushing him away, he instantly stilled. Confusion settled into his eyes, deep blue and tinged green with arousal as they drank her in.

"Kensi?"

Shaking slightly from the aftereffects of the stimulation his touch brought forth, Kensi sat up and turned away from Deeks. She ran her hands through her hair, cursing herself for allowing things between them to get that far. She'd initiated it on the balcony, but her intentions had been playfulness and comfort. She should have known nothing between them was that simple anymore.

He had every right to be furious at her. But his hand, laid flat on her lower back, told her he was only concerned. Steeling her courage, she turned to face him, resisting the urge to touch him when he was half naked next to her. Her fingers actually ached to reach out and feel his warm, tanned skin, those broad shoulders and muscles toned by swimming and surfing. She closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands.

"I'm sorry," her voice was embarrassingly shaky.

"Hey, it's okay. Don't be sorry. What's wrong?"

"I don't think I'm ready for this," Kensi whispered fearfully, daring to open her eyes to look at Deeks. She saw the concern in his eyes and how he automatically began to reach for her and then stopped himself as he read the tension in her posture.

"Don't worry about it. If you're not ready, then I'm not ready. I'm sorry if it was too much," he soothed. Kensi took a deep breath, hating that he was apologizing to her.

"It's not that. I just don't want to hurt you."

"You wouldn't do that."

His confident tone shouldn't have surprised her, but it did. Deeks was confident about many things. She shouldn't have been surprised that his confidence in her was unshakable.

"You don't know that. I don't want to, but there are things about me that you just don't know yet. Mistakes I've made. And that's why I can't do this with you, not yet. It would just be too—"

"Meaningless?"

Kensi raised relieved eyes to his, more than just appreciative that he understood. She was grateful that he didn't seem to take offense at her hang-ups. Deeks gave her a comforting smile.

"I'm not worried about it being meaningless sex between us because I don't think we've had a meaningless moment in our entire relationship, but if you're not there yet, that's okay with me. I just hope we'll get there eventually. Really, really hope," Deeks said fervently. Kensi laughed and nodded, relaxing a little under his words.

"It would kill me to think you felt pressured or uncomfortable. I respect the pace of what we have, and we'll wait until you're ready. You just let me know when that is and I'm right there." Deeks grinned widely and got the laugh from Kensi he was hoping for. She still looked slightly uncertain so he reached out a hand, keeping his arms open. "Until then, come here."

Relieved, Kensi went into his arms willingly. She'd been worried he'd want to put distance between them. And while she wasn't ready for the next physical step in their relationship, she didn't want to lose what they already had.

They were both quiet as their bodies calmed down from what had briefly been the possibility of more. With her head on Deeks' chest, she could hear the steady beat of his heart and the deepening of his breaths as sleep inched closer. Thinking he'd soon drop off, she whispered her next words.

"You said 'relationship,'" she teased quietly.

"Yeah, so what if I did? For you, I'd make an exception on the embargo of that word. Why, do you need some space?" He murmured back, teasing but also with an undercurrent of seriousness. He would give her space if she asked for it, she knew. But Kensi simply tightened her hold on him, shaking her head against his chest and closing her eyes against the warm weight of his hand stroking her hair.

"No, not even a little bit."


	12. Chapter 12

**Please see previous chapters for summary, rating, disclaimer, etc.**  
><strong>Note:<strong> Thank you so much for taking the time to review, alert and favorite! My apologies that this is a little later than usual this week. I was working through some writer's bock and logistical planning issues on this chapter and I got distracted by writing a little drabble series about Deeks doing Kensi's laundry. But I'm back on track now. I truly appreciate the continued interest and encouragement I get from your reviews, they help urge me on! As has become usual I have to extend my thanks to **MioneAlterEgo **for betaing for me and helping me work through those mental blocks. It seems like the slightly steamier scene in the last chapter was well received and the question came up a few times if there will be future part of this story rated "M." I can categorically state that there will be. Enjoy this chapter and thanks for reading!

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><p>The sun wasn't even up when he opened his eyes. Turning his head Deeks found Kensi lying on her side, turned towards him. Her lips were slightly parted and he smiled as he watched her sleep. She breathed deeply but without the slightly loud snoring he'd found endearing the night before. Thinking not for the first time how lucky he was to have her in his life and next to him both day and night, Deeks reached over to lift her hair from her face so he could lightly kiss her forehead.<p>

He extracted himself slowly from the bed, doing his best to ignore the strong desire he felt to stay right there with her, maybe wake Kensi up with a few strategically placed kisses. But looking at the clock and noting the early hour as well as remembering the tidal chart for the day he reasoned he should make an effort to meet up with Thompson, Williams and Smith for some surfing.

Pulling sweats and a shirt from the drawer that held most of his clothes, he quietly got dressed and laced up his running shoes. It was only three miles to Venice from Kensi's apartment. And it might help to run off some of his pent up energy before he hit the waves. Writing a quick note for Kensi, Deeks patted Monty on the head before he left, locking the door behind him and beginning his run south along the beachside pedestrian and bike path.

He picked up speed as he went, letting the steady slap of his shoes against the road and the sound of the ocean surround him. He tried to let it distract him from wildly careening thoughts that had little to do with the stresses of the undercover operation and everything to do with Kensi and what had almost happened the previous night.

He hadn't been lying when he told her he was fine with waiting until she was ready. It didn't mean that a part of him wasn't distracted with eager anticipation. Restraint when it came to physical affection wasn't his strong suit. And Kensi made that even harder since what he physically felt for her was strongly intensified by how much he cared for her. He wasn't prepared to name what he felt for her. But it was stronger than anything he'd felt for anyone else in his entire life.

Before he knew it Deeks arrived back at his now little used apartment, stopping upstairs to change into board shorts and grab his surfboard before jogging to the beach. Even for March the weather was warm and the water felt soothing against his heated skin as he ducked under the incoming waves, then paddled vigorously out to the break. He nodded and called hellos to surfers he recognized but continued on towards his three suspects, noting that as usual they were together and slightly set apart from the rest of the surfers.

It had been one of the hardest things early on with the operation, to work at breaking through the invisible barrier they kept between themselves and others around them. Deeks recognized that it was intentionally and also casually done. They were more than cautious about who they socialized with. Which was why he was surprised when he heard Thompson calling out to a fellow surfer nearby, inviting him to the planned party at Williams' house that evening.

At his questioning glance Williams casually shrugged. "I think Jesse is just trying to make sure there are more women at the party. You're coming, right? Kensi too?"

"Yeah, we'll be there." Deeks paused, looking around to make sure no one was close enough to be eavesdropping. "I learned more about those vulnerabilities you guys wanted me to look into. I think I've found something that'll result in a bigger payday than you could have imagined."

Interest gleamed in Williams' eyes and he nodded. "That's what I like to hear. Catch up with me later and we'll talk some more."

Deeks nodded, tamping down his frustration. He couldn't let his eagerness to complete the operation overwhelm the need to move at the right pace. If Williams wanted to surf and talk later then he would be the affable Marty Tyler and follow his lead.

"So where's that hot girlfriend of yours?"

Deeks turned quickly at Derek Smith's question, resisting the urge to make a comment that would give away his protective instincts about Kensi. He knew he had to handle the situation as Marty Tyler would. And Tyler would be a little possessive of his girlfriend but he was also confident enough not to react strongly. Smith had made no secret of his needling of Tyler and over the last week his favorite method had been through thinly veiled comments and questions about Kensi. It still made Deeks uncomfortable to have Kensi anywhere near the guy but he knew she could take care of herself and he had a feeling it was all some kind of mind trick or test the other man had devised.

Deeks shrugged nonchalantly. "Still in bed. She's not really the early rising type."

"It's been a week. You don't worry that at some point she'll get bored and move on to someone else? Or that some other guy will move in?"

Deeks turned his head, fixing the other man with a hard stare while keeping his voice casual. "Anyone tries to move in on Kensi will be in for a rude awakening. As for getting bored, ask her yourself. I keep her plenty entertained."

With that Deeks gave the other man a satisfied but intentional smile and turned to catch the wave bearing down on them. He needed the distraction of surfing to take his mind off of what he wanted to do to Smith. Deeks had a feeling the other man had some sort of end game with the needling and comments about Kensi. He just wasn't sure what it was yet.

And that uncertainty was eating away at him more than he wanted to admit.

* * *

><p>A particularly insistent whine and a wet tongue lapping at her fingers woke Kensi from the depths of sleep. She cracked her eyelids open slowly, coming face-to-face with Monty, who sat next to the bed staring at her raptly, his tail beginning to wag enthusiastically as he saw she was awake. Kensi smiled at the scruffy dog, scratching behind his ears with the hand he'd licked. Flipping over, Kensi expected to see Deeks next to her and frowned in disappointment when she saw the space next to her empty. Listening carefully she realized the apartment was too quiet and he was already gone.<p>

Stretching and standing from the bed Kensi trudged to the kitchen, pulling out some food and water for Monty. She looked around and saw a note from Deeks, scrawled in his surprisingly neat handwriting.

_Gone to the beach. Need to do some work on the guys. See you tonight at the party. Text me when you're on your way._

Kensi nodded to herself, remembering the party planned for that evening. She hadn't been sure what the plan was for that day but Kensi could understand that Deeks wanted some time to try and make progress with their suspects. Besides, she had plenty of errands to run. As a full time career woman with a new boyfriend occupying a great deal of her time, Kensi Sullivan needed the weekends to catch up on mundane things like laundry and grocery shopping.

She passed her day quickly, doing many of the borings tasks she would have been doing at her apartment at home, but with the odd tinge of being constantly undercover and playing someone else. She took Monty with her to the farmer's market, picking up groceries to last the week. The apartment didn't require much cleaning but she did what little was needed between loads of laundry.

It was quiet and oddly domestic to throw Deeks' clothes in the washer and dryer with her own. His cover as Marty Tyler mostly included a fairly ordinary collection of jeans, cargo shorts, t-shirts and the occasional button down or polo shirt. The clothes weren't too different than what he wore as himself, but Kensi smiled to herself, oddly missing the plaid shirts that were a recognizable part of his everyday wardrobe. It wasn't a look she ever would have pegged as attractive, but on him it somehow worked.

By the late afternoon she'd wiled away the day with chores and was starting to feel antsy. Although she had no reason to feel nervous she couldn't help but wish she was wherever Deeks was. It was a weakness she wouldn't voice out loud, but she wasn't quite comfortable without him to watch her back and she didn't like thinking about him without her there to look out for him. But she also knew it was a good idea for them to spend some time apart. Although she'd been accepted as Marty Tyler's girlfriend their suspects thought she was in the dark about their illegal activities, Deeks needed time to continue building on the foundation he'd made.

Kensi chose her clothing for that evening carefully, pulling on a pair of tight jeans and sleeveless shirt that had layers of fabric that gave glimpses of skin while also concealing. She pulled on knee high boots and hid her lock picking tools along the inside of the zipper. She didn't know if she would need them to snoop around the house where Williams and Smith lived but she figured it didn't hurt to be prepared.

The lock picking set were the only tools she would have with her since it was too risky to bring anything like her IronClad in with her. Having her own personal and portable computer the size of a flash drive and full of Eric's hacking software would have been a comfort. But it was a comfort she would have to do without. She left her hair down and curling over her shoulders and applied her makeup before she grabbed her purse and whistled for Monty to follow her from the apartment.

She made a quick stop by Deeks' apartment, finding it dark and quiet. She left Monty in the garden and then sent a text to Deeks to let him know she was on her way. As she suspected, he was already at the party. Parking several houses down she walked the short distance to Williams' house, letting herself in. The house was full of more people than she would have guessed would be at the party and she ducked and navigated from room to room, finally seeing Deeks in the backyard talking to Thompson.

Kensi skirted along the side of the backyard pool, coming up next to Deeks and catching a bit of the conversation. Surfing, of course. Without breaking stride in the story he was telling Deeks saw her, pulled her close after giving her an appreciative smile, his arm going around her and his hand warm at the dip of her waist. Her extra height (thanks to the heeled boots she wore) actually put them at about the same level and Deeks used the slightly different angle to his advantage, pausing in his story to lean over and kiss her neck just below her ear. She tried not to blush but felt the unbidden heat rise as his fingers tightened at her waist.

Doing her best to cover up her all too transparent physical reaction to him, Kensi reached for the beer Deeks held in his hand, taking a drink before she handed it back. His broad smile at the intimate gesture conveyed something more than she wanted to think about so she merely turned her body towards him, putting an arm around his back and allowing her hand to stray up and sift through the hair at his neck. Although he covered it well, with more than a little satisfaction she felt his shoulders tense under her arm. It was nice to know she could unsettle him as much as he did her.

She listened to the conversation for several minutes, having picked up on the importance of male bonding over surfing in the past week. It wasn't much different from sports; there was the same posturing and macho need that men had to prove themselves the best at something. Surfing was a little more laid back and Kensi had come to appreciate how Deeks found it relaxing, and that he was very good at it. Before, she wouldn't have been able to say one way or the other but after a week of watching him and comparing him to other surfers she was more than a little proud to claim him as hers.

It hadn't escaped her notice, how some women circled and looked appreciatively at Deeks on the beach. She'd even heard a comment or two aimed at Deeks and a few times women approached him when he came out of the water. Although he was generally friendly Kensi had noticed there was restraint in his usual flirting. And he was always quick to end the conversation and come back to her.

She wasn't normally the overtly jealous type. But even she was at a loss as to how to explain some of her more pointed attempts to sabotage Deeks' flirting with other women in the course of their partnership. Now she felt like they were in this strange and nebulous place where she wasn't entirely sure how territorial she should or could be. She knew Kensi Sullivan was the kind of girl who would get jealous over the possibility of her boyfriend straying. But Kensi felt slightly off center with Deeks as her partner. They were something more now, but even that was a little up in the air and undecided thanks to their undercover assignment.

Sensing that the surfing conversation was going to continue on for a while, Kensi began to pull away from Deeks, only to have his hand tighten around her waist. Taking in his questioning look she squeezed his shoulder gently.

"I'm just going to find the bathroom and get a drink. I'll be back," she soothed. Kensi gave Deeks a pointed glance, conveying as best she could that she would do a little snooping and it was his job to run interference. She saw the understanding light in his eyes and Deeks nodded, reluctantly letting her go. As she moved away she heard Jesse's voice calling to her.

"Wine coolers in the fridge, Kensi! I got the ones you like!"

Kensi smiled appreciatively to cover up the grimace. Right, Kensi Sullivan liked wine coolers. But really, it was awfully sweet for Jesse to have remembered. He was a bit like an overeager puppy and Kensi didn't quite have the heart to be mean to him. She kept reminding herself that he was a criminal, but sometimes it was easy to forget.

She and Deeks had spent a considerable amount of time with Thompson and Williams over the last week. Smith wasn't around as much and that was just fine with Kensi. She could see what made Deeks uncomfortable about the man and she wasn't eager to accidentally raise any suspicions he might have.

Jesse was a nice kid though. A bit awkward around women and he kept asking Kensi to invite some of her friends to the beach. She'd done her best to avoid that conversation, not wanting to have to produce friends for her alias. And Mike was a nice guy too; always courteous to her and while a little less friendly he seemed to enjoy talking to her. Between them and spending time as Marty Tyler's girlfriend she was getting a taste of what normal life for a young, single woman in Los Angeles must be like. Kensi's life had never been that kind of normal and for a long time she'd thought that normal was what she wanted. Losing normal had happened with her father's death at fifteen and Jack abandoning her at twenty-two. She'd been chasing normal for the last seven years and she was just starting to realize it wasn't what she really wanted.

Working at NCIS alongside Callen and Sam, mentored by Hetty, supported by Nell and Eric and partnered with Deeks, always Deeks by her side, that was what she wanted. And it was about as far from normal as she could get. Truth be told she was pretty sure that's why all her dating ended disastrously. She was searching for a life she already had. It just didn't quite fit into the picture she'd had in her head over the years.

Kensi smiled to herself as she twisted off the cap to the wine cooler she'd retrieved from the refrigerator. Looking out the kitchen window she watched Deeks talk with Jesse and Mike, thinking to herself that she could imagine a similar but also different sort of scene. Maybe a barbecue at Callen's house. Sam doing the grilling while Callen and Deeks played one-on-one basketball in the driveway. Eric and Nell sitting at a table laughing with Hetty. It was such an effortlessly comfortable picture in her head and she felt such a fierce longing for it to be reality that Kensi had to take a deep breath and blink her eyes to clear it.

She shook her head quickly, and forced herself to focus on the task at hand. She saw that Deeks had Mike and Jesse occupied and she watched as he called to Derek, bringing the other man into their conversation. Showtime.

Kensi kept her drink in her hand and wandered casually through the house, passing partygoers and nodding politely as she went. There were a few dozen people in the house and in the backyard but most of them were concentrated in the main part of the single level house. Turning down a hallway Kensi moved from door to door, finding they all led to innocuous bedrooms or bathrooms. Reaching the last door Kensi tried turning the handle and found it wouldn't twist under her hand.

Dropping to a crouch, Kensi reached for her lock picks and quickly unlocked the door, slipping behind it after a quick glance behind her showed the coast was clear. The room was dark and Kensi stood for a moment, letting her eyes adjust. She locked the door behind her and moved through the room quickly, taking note of the closet, couch and desk in the room. It looked like a nondescript and barely used office.

Her eyes fell on the two laptops on the desk and she quickly went to the first one, lifting the screen. And she cursed when she saw it was password protected. A quick inspection of the other laptop revealed it too was locked. Not wanting to waste time trying to crack a difficult computer encryption Kensi checked the desk drawers, finding nothing suspicious. So much was done electronically on computers. A possible hideout with maps on the walls and banks circled in red had been too much to hope for. It had been a long shot but Kensi had hoped maybe she would find some information on the banks they were targeting, which cartel they were dealing with or where they were hiding their money.

Kensi eyed the first laptop, fairly convinced all the information she wanted was in the computers. Drawing on as much of the computer cracking skills she'd managed to pick up from Eric, Kensi tried for a few minutes to break through the password protection. She sighed in frustration as her attempts proved fruitless. It made her appreciate the technical assistance they had with NCIS. But working deep undercover clearly had risks and disadvantages. Being alone without the tools of the intelligence trade was definitely a disadvantage.

She glanced down as she felt the silent vibration of her phone in her pocket. The text message from Deeks put her instantly on alert.

_Lost Smith. _

Moving quickly, she closed the laptop screen and glanced around, noting the room looked just as it had when she'd entered. A few seconds later Kensi heard footsteps outside the hallway pause at the door and she moved quickly and silently to the closet, stepping inside and shutting the door behind her. And she gave up a silent prayer of thanks that she'd remembered to lock the bedroom door behind her and that she'd kept her drink in her hand.

The lack of lighting in the room made it hard, but Kensi could see through a crack in the folding doors of the closet as Derek Smith entered the room and logged onto one of the computers, bringing up several screens of information Kensi wished she could see better. His back had been towards her as he typed in his password and the flitting of screens was too quick for her to make any sense of.

Kensi tamped down her frustration, realizing how close she was but how her attempts to snoop had been pointless. And she'd put herself unnecessarily at risk-something she could now see hadn't been a very good idea.

Smith was gone almost as quickly as he'd arrived and Kensi gave it another minute before she eased out of the closet. She was about to leave the room when she saw the wastebasket hidden under the desk. Thinking it was worth a shot, Kensi sifted through the random pieces of paper, her eyes narrowing in on a receipt from _Cell Phones 'R Us_, a local retailer that sold cell phones and accessories. And most notably, sold burn phones. The rest of the trash revealed nothing of importance but Kensi slipped the receipt into her bra, noting it wouldn't do to have it sticking out of her pocket.

Pausing at the door she listened for sounds outside in the hallway and taking a chance, exited quickly, relieved to find the area clear. Kensi locked the door behind her and walked back towards the main part of the house. Her heart nearly stopped as she turned the corner and collided with Derek where he casually leaned against the wall.

Recovering quickly, Kensi tried to back away as his hands went to her waist to steady her. On the surface his touch has been to keep her upright but she shied away as quickly as she could, not wanting to prolong the contact.

"You alright there? You haven't had too many of those have you?" Derek asked teasingly, pointing at the wine cooler in her hand. Kensi gave him a girly and slightly embarrassed laugh, thinking perhaps being slightly tipsy might make her seem less suspicious.

"Oh, I'm good. I was just about to get another one," Kensi replied brightly, tipping the bottle back and swallowing the rest of the distasteful liquid down her throat. And she watched as Smith's eyes focused on her neck and drifted casually, and with no attempt to hide his interest, down to her chest. When he lifted his shrewd gaze back to her face he questioned her further.

"Did you get lost back here?"

The question was casual enough but Kensi knew Smith was suspicious already. She was also fairly certain that if he really did think she'd been up to something that they wouldn't be in the hallway having a conversation. The insistent vibration of her phone in her pocket clued her in that Deeks was probably starting to get frantic as he worried about what might have happened to her while both she and Smith were out of his sight.

Kensi gave Derek a wink. "Just looking for the ladies room. But now, time for another drink."

Not bothering to wait, Kensi walked back towards the kitchen, knowing Smith was behind her as she opened the refrigerator. He was standing entirely too close for comfort and she resisted the urge to push him back. Her cover didn't allow her to be as forthright as she would have liked.

Closing the refrigerator door with another wine cooler in her hand she spun around to find Smith only inches away from her, his face darkly curious. But it was how he reached towards her, looping a strand of her hair around his finger, that really set her teeth on edge. When Deeks did that it warmed her heart and made her stomach flutter. But at that moment she felt something closer to disgust and anger at how Smith was taking liberties with her. She knew who she was, but the fact that Smith felt like he could treat a woman like Kensi Sullivan as he was, it made her angry.

"So, how are you enjoying slumming it with Marty?"

Taking a deep breath and affecting an air of slightly offended confusion, Kensi pulled back slightly to put some space between them. His words were said with enough pointed venom to put her on edge.

"What are you talking about?" Kensi asked, considering that her alias would be confused by Derek's words, not realizing he was being as insulting as he was. Stepping again into her personal space Kensi resisted the urge to take a step back from him. Or plant her heel into his foot.

Smith shrugged, taking a swig of his beer. "I'm just surprised that a girl like you could give Marty the time of day. You know he's got a record, right?"

Internally Kensi studied the other man, not missing the calculation in his eyes as he tried to read her. Like most men he was looking for an angle of control over her. Probably because he wanted to find a way to control Tyler. She knew Smith didn't like the involvement of Marty Tyler in their criminal activity. All she could guess was that he was searching for a way to upset the balance in the group. And targeting Tyler's new girlfriend was somehow his method of choice.

"He told me he'd been in prison when we first met. That doesn't bother me. We all make mistakes. What matters is now," Kensi said slowly.

"So it doesn't bother you that Marty has a roving eye?"

Kensi's eyes narrowed as she tried to figure out his angle. "What are you implying? I know he hasn't been seeing anyone else, he's with me every night."

Smith shrugged again, using the subtle movement to allow him closer into Kensi's personal space. "He's very popular with the ladies. I wouldn't get too comfortable. Besides, you do have other options."

Kensi had to hand it to Smith. He was clearly very good at manipulating situations and people. He'd started off treating her with curious suspicion and had since moved on to disparaging her boyfriend and some kind of reverse flattery. It was as if he was circling around her like a shark would around a life raft in the ocean, poking at her from different angles to try and find a weakness to latch on to and attack.

And with his last words Kensi felt the unwelcome and insistent press of Smith's hand at her side, fingers finding a gap in her shirt and touching bare skin, his hand moving quickly and much too intentionally towards her breast. She immediately reacted, shoving him away from her with one hand, not having to pretend to be enraged. It wasn't so much what he'd done. She'd been felt up by plenty of overeager men, both on the job and off. But it was the sickening intent behind his touch, his predator movements that set of warning bells in her head that this man was dangerous on multiple levels.

"What are you doing? I'm not interested! And when I tell Marty he's going to come right at you," Kensi warned. She saw the flash of pleasure in Smith's eyes and puzzled it over in her head. Smith wanted Marty to fight him. But to what end? It would just create discourse in the group.

"You do that, sweetheart. I think I can take him."

With that parting shot Smith turned and left her in the kitchen. Kensi was concerned for a moment, trying to figure out the endgame the man had in mind. But she quickly glanced out the window and saw Deeks still talking to Jesse and Mike. Her next step was already decided whether she liked it or not. She had to tell him what Derek had done.

Leaving the unwanted wine cooler behind Kensi walked out into the yard, taking Deeks' arm and abruptly pulling him away and to the side of the yard where they had some privacy. Although he'd kept his emotions in check when they were around watchful eyes, once they were out of sight Deeks quickly pulled her close, his arms tugging her tight against his chest. Kensi let him hold her for a second, realizing that it had probably been a harrowing couple of minutes while he hadn't known where she was or if she was safe. She knew if their positions had been reversed she would have barely been able to contain her worry.

Deeks pulled back from her after a quiet moment, his eyes drifted over her, taking in the tension in her body as she crossed her arms over her chest. His blue eyes turned concerned and he stepped close, putting both hands on her arms. Kensi closed her eyes at the warmth, welcome in a way no one else's touch could ever be.

"What happened in there? I'm sorry, I lost Smith when Williams asked him to go check something. There wasn't anything I could do to stop him. He didn't catch you, did he?"

Kensi shook her head slowly, glancing over towards the house, keeping a watchful eye for anyone coming up behind them.

"Almost, but not quite. I found their office. There was nothing there except two computers. And I couldn't get anything off of them. Smith came in and I hid but I couldn't see what he was doing on the computers and he locked them up tight before he left. As I was leaving I found this in the trash," Kensi said, reaching into her shirt to pull out the receipt. Deeks' surprised eyes turned interested as he examined the receipt.

"Looks like a purchase of a bunch of burn phones."

"It's probably not going to amount to anything." Kensi blew out a frustrated breath. "It was all for nothing."

Fixing her with a firm gaze Deeks shook his head. "Maybe, maybe not. But you were right, we needed to try. It was our best shot. But something else will come along. We just need to be patient."

Kensi allowed herself to be calmed by Deeks' words. And she thought wryly that it was interesting how their positions were constantly being reversed. A day ago she'd been the one to reassure Deeks. And now it was his turn. It was one of the strengths of their partnership, she thought. They innately sensed the imbalance in each other and compensated. And neither really gave it a second thought, they did it naturally.

"Besides, we can hand this over to Eric and maybe he and Nell can work their magic."

Still discouraged but also wanting to believe her efforts hadn't been a complete waste, Kensi agreed with a nod. Thinking she still needed to tell him about Smith, Deeks beat her to it.

"What happened after you got out of the office? Did Smith find you?"

"Yeah, he did. I think I covered well enough but he was suspicious. Until—" Kensi paused, not really wanting to elaborate on how Smith had touched her.

"'Until' what?" Deeks asked, quickly picking up on her apprehension. "What's going on, Kens?"

Kensi sighed at his worried tone, full of the kind of protectiveness she'd thought for the longest time she didn't want or need. "You're not going to like this but I think you're going to need to fight Smith."

"What? Why? What did he say to you, Kensi?" His voice turned from concerned to barely contained anger in an instant. "What did he do to you?"

She shook her head, not wanting to give Deeks any ammunition to emotionally react to the situation. "It doesn't really matter and I can't explain right now. Just assume that he insulted me, came on to me, made me overreact, you and I are arguing and you need to fight him to put him in his place."

Kensi worriedly chewed on her thumbnail. "Problem is I think that's what he wants. He was baiting me and I think it was all in an attempt to get you to fight him. I just don't know why."

Deeks ran a hand through his disheveled hair. "Shit, I hate hand-to-hand fighting. I always end up with something bleeding."

"You've done it before, against Sam. Pretty well, I might add. Especially considering it was Sam."

"Thanks, but I don't think I should be pulling out the MMA fighting skills. Feels like it needs to be a Reseda street fight. And those were never fun." His eyes narrowed as they fixed on her face. "Wait, you're trying to distract me from asking about what Smith said to you."

Dismissing that as insignificant, Kensi waved a hand. "It's not important. I'm fine. The important thing here is trying to figure out his angle. I get that he's trying to force you out through me, maybe he's trying to make you look bad to Mike and Jesse so they won't blame him for fighting you?"

Deeks stopped her thought process, a hand reaching up to cup her face, his gentleness capturing her attention. His gaze was steady with hers, seeing deep into her in a way she couldn't possibly look away from. "You're really okay, right?"

At her quick nod Deeks leaned forward, kissing her forehead gently before pulling back to rest his forehead against hers for split second. Then he pulled back, letting her go with a confident grin.

"Alright, let's do this thing. Time for me to go kick some ass."

Kensi resisted the urge to pull him back, rationalizing that Deeks could take care of himself in a fight. He'd taken care of himself many times by her side and certainly before she knew him. And remembering she still had a part to play, Kensi reached up, smudging the makeup around her eyes and working up tears to accompany her act as a distraught girlfriend.

Following Deeks back into the yard, she trailed behind, unhappily hugging her arms close to her body. Jesse immediately saw her and walked over, a concerned look gracing his face, as Deeks approached Mike and Smith.

"Derek. What the hell? You upset Kensi, make a pass at my girlfriend? What's your problem?"

Kensi watched the angry exchange unfold in front of her, distracted when Jesse laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay, Kensi?"

She nodded, keeping the uncertainty and fear in her eyes as she saw Smith step forward, his voice matching Deeks in aggression and tone as he denied what Deeks accused him of. She had to admit he was a very skilled liar. Knowing what had happened in the kitchen Kensi had seen up close and personal how manipulative Smith could be.

But as she watched she also saw that careful control on Smith's face slip a little and his true dislike of Marty Tyler took over for just a second. Just a second long enough for Deeks to push further, threatening him with bodily harm if he upset her again. Somehow, it was enough to push him outside of whatever tenuous hold on control Smith was trying to maintain.

Kensi watched as Smith took the first swing at Deeks. And though she had to keep her expression carefully frightened, internally she cheered Deeks on. She'd been right to think he could take care of himself. Deeks had grown up on some rough streets in Los Angeles and he'd probably never been the biggest guy around. So he'd learned to be fast, something that had undoubtedly served him well in fights all through his life.

There weren't too many punches exchanged but the few that found their mark on Deeks left her flinching. He managed to dodge the punches to his side that could have caused considerable damage though the fist he took in the face left Kensi's heart in her throat. Deeks bounced back quickly to land a right hook that nearly flattened Smith to the ground.

In the end Derek was on his hands and knees, gasping for breath while a small crowd of partygoers had formed in the background. Kensi could only watch as Mike leaned over to check on Smith, then straightened up to look at Deeks, the expression on his face inscrutable. She waited, wondering at what was going to happen now that the newest member of their group had asserted control. Before Mike could speak Deeks cut him off, surprising her and everyone else.

"You know what? I'm out. If this is the kind of crap you guys pull on each other I don't want any part of it." Deeks backed away, turning to find Kensi. "Come on, Kensi, let's get out of here."

Numbly she nodded, quickly taking his hand and letting him pull her away and towards the front of the house. She reached up hesitantly to touch his face, wincing at the sight of the blood from his split lower lip and the bruise forming high on his cheekbone. Deeks caught her hand gently, giving it a quick squeeze.

"I've had worse, don't worry," his voice was soft and she nodded silently, waiting until they were far enough away to question further.

"What was that about? Did our assignment just get blown?"

Deeks shook his head though she could still see the concern in his eyes.

"I realized the fight was probably about what you said, that he was trying to get to me through you. But what Smith didn't know was that as he was making his pass at you I was telling Mike and Jesse everything Eric told us about the banking software vulnerabilities and what I can do to as a member of their team. He might be trying to force me out but I just became the most valuable asset they have."

Climbing into her car Kensi immediately turned on the road towards her apartment, arriving within minutes. Entering her apartment she guided Deeks over to the sofa and pushed him to sit down, which he did with a grateful moan, laying his head on the back of the sofa. Kensi retrieved ice from the freezer and returned with a compress that she gingerly pressed against the forming bruise.

"I don't get it, why did you fight Smith then?"

Deeks turned his head to meet her eyes and she worried at the tired furrow of his forehead. Tucking her legs underneath her she scooted closer to him, letting her knees tuck against his hip.

"It was a calculated risk. I knew he'd just keep at it if I didn't. If it wasn't about me then he would have continued after you. I had to take both options out of the equation, and re-establish the pecking order of the group. Williams is their leader but Smith forgets that. Mike won't be happy about Smith doing what he did, especially in light of what I can bring to the table. I think Mike will put him in line and do his best to get me back."

Kensi was silent for a minute, turning the possibilities over and over in her mind. She could see how Deeks might be right, but she also worried that he'd been wrong. And it concerned her that he'd based part of his decision on keeping her out of harm's way.

"And what if that doesn't happen?"

Deeks shrugged, trying to be nonchalant about possibly flushing his entire nearly five month operation down the toilet. "Then tomorrow morning we go get waffles and we'll be back at OSP on Monday and these last few months will have been an unpleasant diversion."

"Okay, but-"

"I'm not going to apologize or feel bad for protecting you, Kensi."

Kensi fell silent, meeting the clear honesty in his blue eyes with her troubled gaze. It didn't surprise her anymore that he'd easily picked up on the part that was bothering her, that she was worried at his overprotection of her. And his face was stubbornly set, his lips resolute in a firm set she recognized as his own line in the sand. She sighed impatiently, placing a hand on his chest. "But I wasn't in any real danger. This is what Callen was worried about, that our feelings could get in the way of us doing our jobs."

Deeks looked confused as he sat up straighter. "My job is to watch your back, to think about all the possibilities of a situation to try and avoid either you or me getting hurt. I don't care what Callen says, that's what I was doing. What's going on? Did he say something to you last week?"

Kensi paused, remembering that she'd never told Deeks about what Callen had said to her about possibly splitting them up if whatever was between them risked their ability to make rational decisions.

"He raised some concerns about both of us being able to act as partners and not let our feelings, our connection, get in the way of doing our jobs. He suggested that maybe it would be better if when this was over if you went back to the LAPD and I got a new partner."

His sharp inhalation of breath had her examining Deeks' face and she was a bit surprised at the anger she saw there. "That's complete crap. I don't know where he thinks he has the right to pass judgment. Or decide who your partner is. Isn't that Hetty's call?"

Kensi took a deep breath, trying not to react in defense of Callen as her instinct told her to. She did have a great deal of respect for Callen and as much as she wanted to agree with Deeks rather than possibly lose him as her partner, she wasn't sure if either one of them, in the heat of an operation, could make decisions that weren't swayed by their emotions.

"It is, but Hetty listens to Callen. I told Callen and Sam it was my fault your cover was nearly blown and they weren't pleased. Not at you, I made it clear it was my fault," she quickly added. Deeks tossed the cold compress on the couch cushion and stood up impatiently, turning abruptly to face her.

"Kensi, why did you do that?" His tone was incredulous and more than a little exasperated. "There was no reason to involve them."

Kensi bristled at his words, the unfailing military discipline about the chain of command her father taught her dictating her thoughts. "Because Callen is the senior agent and he directly questioned me. And I wasn't about to let you take the blame for my mistake. And because maybe it is dangerous for us to be partners if we feel something more for each other and it gets in the way of doing our jobs."

Kensi couldn't help the worried tone that seeped into her voice at her last sentence as she articulated the one thing that concerned her more than anything. Deeks stood over her, seemingly letting his anger fade away as his eyes darkened and looked warmly at her.

"Kens, we're in this together. As partners and friends and whatever else we are. And I'll be damned if I'm going to let Callen or NCIS tell me what I can feel for you. Just as there's no way in hell I'll let them assign someone else as your partner."

Her heart tripped at his words, at how he danced around what the feelings he had for her precisely were. And she shook her head regretfully. "It's not like we have a choice if they decide to separate us. I don't think anyone really wants that but if Callen thinks that's what it will take for both of us to be safe, he'll do it."

Deeks knelt down in front of her, taking her hands between his in a gesture not dissimilar from when he'd offered her his hands in a laser filled room over a year ago. Without hesitation she instinctively tightened her hold on his wrists. And she felt the pulse of his heart under her fingertips, just as she had then. Steady and regular and something for her to hold on to.

"You know how persuasive I can be right?" Kensi nodded with a small smile at his words. "Well, I don't think it's going to make either one of us safer if you're partnered with some other guy you don't trust and I'm back at the LAPD undercover on some mission by myself. I'll worry about who's watching your back and you'll be thinking about who isn't watching mine. It's not a good situation for either of us."

Kensi gave an exasperated laugh, knowing that while his words made sense in a strange sort of way, they lacked the reasoning and logic that would convince Callen. Neither she or Deeks had really been tested in how they would react when faced with the decision of being overprotective of their partner or complete the mission, trusting their training and skills to get them out safe. That was a test they had yet to face and it wasn't something they were going to figure out in the abstract. She just had to hope when that moment came that they would both respond how they needed to.

"Okay, I'm not asking you to apologize for protecting me. But just remember that it shouldn't be the first thing on your mind. We have jobs to do."

"Yeah, and my job is to have your back." The stubbornness of his tone had her bristling again.

"Marty—"

"No way, I'm not arguing with you about this. I know the LAPD lacks some discipline when it comes to training and partnerships, but this is one thing I've learned being your partner at NCIS. You can call me a slacker about everything else, but I get a gold star in watching your back. You need to trust that I'll be there just as I know you'll be right behind me."

Kensi was silent, not trusting herself to speak. And Deeks surprised her once again, squeezing her hands gently so she was forced to meet his bright blue eyes full of piercing truth, his gaze drifting over her with such tenderness that her breath caught in her lungs.

"Think about that day I almost got smashed between three cars and a semi. What were you thinking when you climbed into that wreckage after me?"

She smiled, blushing a little at the memory of how she'd so easily tipped her hand that day, practically announcing to Sam and Callen how her feelings for her partner had deepened. "That I had to get to you because you needed me."

"Yeah, and I did. I always do. I'm always going to need you. Not being your partner isn't going to change that. So I might as well be your partner. We'll figure this out, Kensi. And in the meantime, you can get mad at me for trying to get you out of the line of fire with Smith, but that's my job as your partner."

Kensi looked at Deeks, taking in the strongly insistent tone of his voice. And she realized he was right. Even if he could be overbearing at times, leaving her in Smith's path as a target wasn't good for her or the mission. And his calculated risk could very well turn out perfectly fine. They would just have to wait and see.

"Okay, I get it," Kensi allowed, then she gave him a slight smile. "Thank you."

Deeks smiled back, then grimaced as the movement aggravated the cut on his lip. Kensi murmured apologetically, then leaned forward, cradling his head in her hands and gently touching his top lip with both her lips, her mouth lingering on his. When he exhaled, his breath a little shaky against her cheek she pulled back with a grin, unable to tamp down the feminine pleasure she got from being able to leave him unsettled.

And the dark blue and green of his eyes told her everything she needed to know. And even if his eyes hadn't, when his arms went around her waist and he leaned into her embrace, his torso parting her thighs and pushing his body close, she heard the intimate message loud and clear. Just as he was leaning towards her again and Kensi parted her lips in anticipation, Marty Tyler's phone began ringing.

With a string of curses Deeks pulled away from her only as much as he needed to in order to reach for the phone on the table behind him. With a raised eyebrow directed at her he answered the phone, his voice curt. "Mike. Wasn't expecting to hear from you."

Kensi raised a questioning eyebrow in response, listening to Deeks' side of the conversation and trying not to be too distracted by his free hand, which had slipped up and under her shirt and was trailing a whispering touch up and down her spine.

Deeks was silent as Mike spoke and though she tried to listen, she couldn't make out the words. After several minutes the phone fell silent and Kensi watched Deeks as he stayed quiet, biding his time. When he finally spoke his words were laced with anger and a touch of uncertainty.

"You know, I'm not really sure any of this is worth your apology or Derek's. You guys want to keep doing what you were doing, I won't stand in your way and I'm not going to sell you out. But if I can't trust all of you to leave Kensi alone, keep her out of all this exactly like you told me to in the first place, then I should stay out."

Kensi watched thoughtfully as Deeks worked Mike over on the phone. And she marveled a bit at how persuasive and effective he was at turning the conversation so that Mike would pursue him. Deeks came across as the reluctant one, which only served to make him seem even more trustworthy.

After another few minutes of Mike talking Deeks stood, stepping out of her arms. Kensi drew her legs under her on the couch and watched as he paced back and forth from the door to the kitchen.

"Fine, we can meet. Thirty minutes at the end of the Santa Monica pier. I'm not promising anything."

And with that Deeks hung up the line, tossing the phone on the table and sitting back down on the couch next to her, an arm slung along the back of the couch around her shoulders. With an aggravated sigh he picked up the compress again, pressing it against his cheek.

"I really hate getting punched in the face," he muttered, petulance creeping into his tone. Kensi rolled her eyes in amusement, turning on the couch to face him and resting her head against his arm.

"You just don't want someone to mess up that pretty face," she admonished. Deeks turned affronted eyes to her face, slightly indignant when he saw the teasing in her eyes.

"Hey, I got punched in the face protecting your honor, you know. A little gratitude would not go unnoticed. And some women like this pretty face," Deeks quickly backpedaled upon seeing Kensi's narrowed eyes. "But really it only matters if you do?"

Kensi smiled warmly, slightly amused at how easy it was to control Deeks sometimes. And reckoning that she did rather like his face, she moved closer, nuzzling his neck with her nose and leaving a trail of kisses as she pressed her lips from his neck to his jaw. And when she ran her tongue along where his pulse beat under his jaw and felt the involuntary spike in the rhythm she smiled against his cheek before kissing him softly on the lips.

"I do," Kensi whispered softly, answering his earlier question. Deeks' eyes softened as he smiled, his face belying his disbelief at her words. And Kensi realized a little sadly that he was somehow astonished that she found him handsome. And that surprised her, considering Deeks wasn't usually the kind of man who needed reinforcement on his looks. But maybe because it was her and because this was all new for both of them he needed it from her. And that was something she could easily give him.

Resting a hand on his chest she leaned in close, careful to keep her lips soft against his split lip, kissing him with as much passion as she could muster, trying to prove to him what he still didn't believe. When she breathlessly pulled back a few minutes later she struggled to remember what she wanted to say to him. And by the dazed look on his face Deeks seemed as though he was working hard to concentrate on her words.

"If it has anything to do with you it matters very much to me. But for the record, I like your face just as it is. So no more getting punched in the face, alright?"

Instead of an expected arrogant retort Deeks just smiled and nodded happily, pulling her close against his side with his arm around her shoulders. She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes as they sat quietly for several minutes. She felt him kiss her head and then reluctantly pull away.

"I'd better get going. I'm supposed to meet the guys in a few minutes. Can I take your car?"

Kensi nodded, watching with concerned eyes as Deeks stood and gathered her keys. She caught his hand as he passed.

"You'll come back after, right?"

Deeks nodded, touching her face gently as he moved towards the door to leave, giving her one more crooked smile as he shut the door behind him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Please see previous chapters for summary, rating, disclaimer, etc.**  
><strong>Note:<strong> I'm so glad many of you enjoyed Deeks beating up one of the bad guys! That was fun to imagine and write. We're inching ever closer to the inevitable bank robbery but there's still a fair amount of story and character development before then. Hopefully you'll find the path interesting enough to stick with it. Thank you for all the support from reviews, alerts and favorites. I've learned this is an amazing little community to be a small part of and you all and wonderful in your encouragement. It makes writing this a joy and a fun challenge. Thanks to **MioneAlterEgo **for the beta reading and help! This chapter borrows from a quote by Fran Lebowitz that I've always loved: "The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting."

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><p>Pulling into a vacant parking space along the street by the Santa Monica Pier, Deeks got out, locking the car and heading towards the brightly lit Ferris wheel. Distracted and wanting to be back with Kensi on the couch in her apartment, he allowed memories he usually kept locked away to wash over him.<p>

He remembered when the Ferris wheel had first been installed on the pier. He'd been seventeen and it was one of the last happy memories he had of his mother. Living inland several miles away and not ever really going anywhere for vacations since they had so little money, he and his mother had come out to the pier one weekend to ride the Ferris wheel and see the lights at night. It had seemed like such a special and unique occasion at the time. Deeks shook his head against the unhappy memories that automatically followed that last good recollection of his mother.

Instead he latched on to Kensi, thinking of her soft eyes and her warmth against him that reminded that there were good things in life, even if he had a hard time believing there were good things in life for him. Her sharp tongue and whip smart brain keeping him in line and grounded made him grin. That she wanted him in the ways she did, in the same ways he wanted her, was a constant marvel. It wasn't something he was used to or could really accept as normal. And it wasn't something he would ever willingly give up. It didn't matter to him what Callen or Sam said. He would fight to stay as Kensi's partner, no matter what else they became.

He mentally shook his head, striding on the pier past the Ferris wheel and further out over the water towards where fishermen typically hung out. Since it was late on a Saturday night the anglers were scarce and most people out on the pier were closer inland by the rides, arcade and carousel.

His conditioning as a cop kicked in and he discreetly glanced around, taking in his surroundings with a practiced eye. He didn't notice anything overtly alarming in the few couples and small groups of teenagers enjoying the warm March weather. Deeks thought for a moment and realized it was April now. Time was flying by much faster now that he had Kensi to help smooth things along with the undercover operation.

Long before they saw him Deeks noticed Mike, Jesse, and Derek at the edge of the pier. He took in their body language, trying to gauge the situation before he approached. There was discomfort between them, anger straightening Mike's back, nervousness in Jesse's shoulders and irritation in Derek's sharp movements.

That puzzled him a little since after their encounter he couldn't see how Derek had a reason to be annoyed. He'd hit on another guy's girl, not to mention he'd been resolutely beaten to the ground by Deeks. If anyone had reason to be irritated it was Deeks. Derek's atypical response raised a flag of concern in Deeks' mind, but he was still optimistic that his play on Williams could turn out exactly how he'd gambled it might.

Looking his way, Jesse caught sight of him and waved him over. Deeks immediately adopted an appropriate attitude for Marty Tyler. Extremely pissed off and protective of his girlfriend who had been insulted by one of his so-called friends. Getting closer he was privately satisfied to see Smith sporting the beginnings of a spectacularly mottled black eye and what looked like a broken nose.

He kept his stance casual but stopped a few feet away from the guys, crossing his arms defensively over his chest and waiting for one of them to speak.

"Look, Marty, we wanted to talk to you, to apologize—"

Deeks cut him off harshly. "Mike, I don't think you or Jesse need to apologize. I'm only out here because you asked me. You and Jesse have been good to me and great to Kensi too. The only person I want to hear an apology from is Derek."

"Well, you aren't going to get it," Derek spat out, angry eyes turned to Deeks. Mike sighed.

"Derek—"

"No way in hell, Mike. You didn't tell me to test Marty or Kensi but I did it anyway. My decision, my call. I didn't ask you first because I thought you'd go soft and tell me not to. But I'm suspicious and I'm a bastard. It's one of the reasons you and Jesse trust me to check people out."

Deeks watched with a measure of internal astonishment as Derek addressed Mike. He turned his eyes to Mike, searching for confirmation of what Derek was saying. They'd known someone was checking up on his and Kensi's aliases. But it surprised Deeks that Smith had decided to test him and Kensi without Mike's knowledge. He kept calm while adrenaline rushed through his nervous system. No matter the reasons behind what Derek had done, or the outcome of what they thought or suspected about him and Kensi, he had to ensure that Kensi was protected. Finishing the undercover operation was important, but so was making sure no one got hurt. And he couldn't allow his emotions and mistakes to result in anyone, especially Kensi, getting hurt.

He considered that if Derek had been baiting and testing him that the power struggle within the group might not have been what it appeared to him. It was unsettling to think he might have misjudged the situation, but it wouldn't be the first time he'd made a bad call. The difference was that in most cases in the past it was just his life on the line.

But Kensi was heavily involved in the operation and he needed to make sure she was as safe as he could make her. Deeks thought quickly, his mind weighing options and considering outcomes in seconds. It was one of the things that made him a great undercover cop. He could think and react quickly, instinctively, and his decisions were logical and calculated for the best possible success of his mission.

One of the lessons he'd learned while undercover was that sometimes the smartest move he could make was to stay silent and wait for his suspects to tip their hand and reveal more than they intended. As a part of his personality staying silent wasn't really his strong suit since he tended to like to fill silence by talking, but working undercover he'd curbed some of those natural tendencies. Watching the exchange between Mike and Derek he had a feeling his impulse to stay silent was about to pay off.

"Get this straight, Derek: You don't pull something like this again without running it through me. You're letting your personal feelings get in the way of thinking clearly. You don't like Marty, he doesn't like you. But you'll be working together and it doesn't matter if you thought you had our best interests in mind, you don't go after another guy's girl unless you want to get your ass kicked. What were you thinking going after Kensi? She doesn't know anything about what we're doing."

"I thought that Marty might have told her more than he was supposed to and that I could find out how trustworthy he is," Derek said, clearly disgruntled. Pointedly Mike pushed on.

"And what did you find out by harassing her and then hitting on her?"

Derek was sullenly silent for a minute before he finally spoke. "He hasn't told her anything, she's clueless. She seems loyal to him. Unlike most women."

Mike laughed harshly at the words. "Unlike most women you know anyway. And it just pissed you off that she wasn't interested in you, didn't it?"

Derek was angrily silent and Deeks watched with deepening interest. He wasn't surprised that Kensi had come across as the loyal but oblivious girlfriend; she'd done a very good job at establishing her alias. But the shift, with Mike displaying a more cold and angry side, was a new twist. It was another reminder that as well as he thought he knew these men and as much as he thought he was in control, the unexpected could still happen.

Finally, Derek turned his gaze to Deeks, not hiding the animosity in his eyes. "I don't like you, but that's no secret. I'm not sorry for what I did but I shouldn't have gone about it like I did. I'll apologize to your girlfriend because she's not involved and we don't need her getting suspicious. I'm not an idiot. Mike and Jesse say you can help us in ways no one else can. As long as that's the case, I'll stay out of your way and steer clear of Kensi."

Deeks narrowed his eyes at Derek's words, latching on to something he'd said earlier, a piece of information that wasn't new to him but was to Marty Tyler. He spoke slowly, suspicion of his own seeping into his words. "What did you mean 'check people out'? Are you saying you've looked into my background? Into Kensi's?"

Derek looked at Mike for permission to speak and Deeks noted the movement, realizing the power shift he'd set into motion that evening had also served to reveal even more who was in control. He'd thought Williams was a more amicable leader than he clearly was. Williams looked at Deeks without any trace of remorse in his dark eyes.

"We had Derek check you out weeks ago. And Kensi too after you met her. You can understand, considering what we're into."

Deeks nodded slowly, also taking note that Williams wasn't trying to placate or ask for acceptance of their methods. He was telling it how it was, take it or leave it.

"So did you find anything of concern? About me or Kensi?"

And when Williams laughed it was with a knowing coldness that raised the hair on the back of Deeks' neck.

"Marty, if we had we wouldn't be standing here. And Kensi wouldn't be back at her apartment waiting for you."

The words were meant to be comforting, even an extension of acceptance in a way, but to Deeks they only made his stomach churn with worry. He tried to remind himself that things were under control, that they didn't suspect anything. It had been easier when it was just his safety to worry about. But now, thinking of Kensi sitting on her couch and waiting for him to come home, he had more to worry about. He pushed that aside, thinking again that the best way for him to guarantee their safety was to concentrate on focusing on the mission. Kensi was safe.

"We have to be careful. For a while the FBI was watching us, but they seem to have given up. There wasn't anything for them to find because we're careful. We're careful about what we do and how we do it. Despite all that, if you're still interested in joining us we're in the planning stages of our next job and we could use your help," Mike explained, putting the ball back in Deeks' court.

He looked around, seeming to consider the words and the offer. He looked at Derek, who resolutely crossed his arms over his chest, fixing Deeks with a less hostile but still unfriendly gaze.

"We good?"

Deeks nodded slowly, considering that while he had some uncertainties about the undercover, his alias would be able to easily move on from the altercation. "As long as you leave Kensi alone and stop acting as if I'm going to arrest you, yeah, we're good."

Deeks kept his voice light, going for humor at the end. The laughter among them broke the tension. And just like that the strain between the three men seemed to lift. Mike abandoned the stern and unflinching expression and turned to Jesse, who looked relieved that the storm had passed.

"You've got the specs for the computer that Marty needs?"

Jesse nodded eagerly. "Yep, it'll be no problem to get that in the next day or so."

Mike turned to Deeks. "Then how long do you need to write the malware you described?"

"Two weeks max. And I'll need to be there when you go in. I need to be able to access the software system's source code within the bank in order to modify and upload the malware, and that can't be done unless I'm hardwired into the system."

Williams nodded thoughtfully. "Shouldn't be a problem, as long as you're willing to take the risk."

Deeks smiled slowly, shrugging with the ease of someone not deterred by the possible dangers of armed robbery.

"As long as I get my cut I'm willing to do my part."

Satisfied, Williams nodded and gave him a quick pat on the back. "Sounds good. Let's call it a night. I'm sure you've got a girlfriend to get back to."

Slanting a quick glance at Derek, Deeks nodded. "Yeah, she's still a little upset about what happened tonight."

"Let us make it up to her. Do you think you could convince her to come to the beach tomorrow morning?" Jesse asked. Deeks looked at the other men, trying to find a trace of malicious intent. A bit surprised when he didn't find any, he nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I'll bring her by," Deeks cast a glance around, suddenly wanting nothing more than to be back with Kensi. "I'll see you guys in the morning."

Acknowledging the accepting nods, Deeks turned to walk away, keeping his gait casual when all he felt was tension up and down his body and in every limb. He should have felt better, like things were more in control and on the way to resolution. But he couldn't help but feel as though he'd misjudged the situation and the people involved. And that wasn't a feeling he liked to consider when Kensi's safety was involved.

Turning south from Santa Monica Deeks made a quick stop at his apartment, picking up Monty and then returning to Kensi's apartment. It was well after midnight when he got back and the apartment was dark when he entered. Monty happily went to the padded dog bed by the couch and curled up with a loud and satisfied exhalation of breath.

Deeks moved towards the bedroom, keeping his steps light as he entered to find Kensi curled on her side on the right half of the bed. _Her_ side, he thought with an affectionate grin. Somehow they'd already moved into that level of domesticity in their relationship.

Shucking off his jeans and shirt and leaving his boxers on, he found a t-shirt, donning it before he approached the bed, slipping under the covers and sliding across the mattress to face Kensi. She was breathing evenly, her eyes closed, but Deeks could tell she was awake. A little more in the state between awake and dreaming, when he reached for her waist, pulling her against him, she molded her body to his, sighing deeply in a way that made him smile. Because it was so unguarded, so content, and a sound he'd never thought he would be lucky enough to cause her to make.

"Everything go okay?" Kensi murmured, her voice a little rough from sleep but stronger as she woke up. He kissed her forehead, lingering at her hairline and deeply breathing the smell of her in to his lungs.

"Yeah, everything's good. Smith was baiting me to see if I'd told you anything but since he didn't find anything I'm back in."

Even through the haze of sleep Kensi was able to latch on to his words. Although what he'd said seemed to smooth things over he couldn't quite keep the concern from his voice. Her hands moved up to apply gentle pressure to his biceps.

"Then what's wrong?"

"I think Williams is more of a problem than I originally concluded. There are a few more uncertainties than I'd normally like is all."

Kensi's eyes opened slowly and she moved her head next to his on the pillow. He stared into her eyes, so close to his own that he could make out every nuance of the difference in the color of her eyes. The unusual hue and shape of her iris had captivated him from the first moment her eyes had met his. Where some people might have been put off, he'd only wanted to look closer, catalog the differences and know every shift of thought and emotion in her eyes.

"You worry too much. Remember what you told me? Rarely are things certain with undercover operations. But we've got this. Do you believe me?"

Deeks smiled fondly at her words, the same ones he'd thrown her way a week before. Leave it to Kensi to know him well enough to know just the right thing to say. He just nodded quickly, his smile widening as Kensi nodded her head in satisfaction in response, and then closed her eyes again.

"Good, then stop moving around and keeping me awake."

Kensi fell asleep soon after, her heavy warmth providing a certain amount of comfort to the worry that threatened his sanity. Because although he did believe Kensi and knew that they were both good at their jobs and what they were doing, it was the unknowns that worried him.

Eventually he managed to set that unease aside and focus on what he did know and could take comfort in. And unsurprisingly, at least unsurprising since he and Kensi had moved into this new facet of their relationship, everything he knew that he could put his faith in was centered on her.

Putting his faith and trust in anyone had always been an uncomfortable prospect. Believing in people made it harder when they let you down. Absolute faith in anyone was a concept he'd left behind long ago, back when he was still a kid. But there was no hesitancy or uncertainty with Kensi. And so he just had to believe that would be enough.

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><p>Sunday morning Deeks roused Kensi early. She complained loudly about how sadistic he was for not allowing her to sleep in on a Sunday but Deeks was relentless. And with Monty backing him up (having picked up on the activity and a possible outing to the beach) Deeks managed to pull Kensi from the bed.<p>

"Where are we going this early?" Kensi grumbled, going to the closet to find something to wear. Deeks exited the bathroom in board shorts and a t-shirt, knotting the string of the waistband as he walked.

"Beach. The guys supposedly have some sort of apology they want to make to you. I said I'd bring you by."

Kensi stopped rustling through her clothes and turned to Deeks, her eyebrows raised in surprise. "Really? And that doesn't make you wonder what they have in mind?"

Deeks shrugged. "Not really. They feel bad and I'm guessing it's flowers. They don't see you as kick ass Kensi Blye, more like the obliviously girly type. So I'd expect an apology in the form of flowers, a stuffed animal, or chocolate."

Kensi's abrupt laughter stopped him and he turned to see the grin on her face and the merriment sparkling in her eyes.

"Is that what you guys all think works as an apology for women?"

Deeks thought for a moment and then nodded. Kensi snorted, turning away from him and towards the dresser to find something to swim in.

"Those are such clichés. Guys should know their girlfriends don't just want something tired like that. Don't ever apologize to me with flowers, a stuffed animal, or chocolate."

He tried to ignore the flip his stomach made at her words. Not that he would at some point be on the receiving end of Kensi's anger and would need to apologize for something. He'd been in that situation enough as her partner so apologizing for something stupid that he'd said or done was nothing new. But that she could imagine their relationship lasting to the point where he would need to apologize as her, well, _something_ _more_, that was an occasion he was funnily enough looking forward to.

"Oh, I think you'll be surprised at how creative I can be," Deeks hinted through the bathroom door as he sat on the bed and waited for Kensi to change into her suit. When she came out, wearing a two-piece suit that consisted of a black halter top and boy shorts, Deeks tried not to stare. Really he did.

But then Kensi went to the mirror, with her back facing him, and began to pull her long hair into a pony tail, leaving the incredible length of her back, long legs and everything in between on display for him to appreciatively gawk at. And he couldn't quite help himself from doing just that, earning a look from Kensi that was somehow both embarrassed, exasperated, and shyly pleased.

Deeks stood from the bed and came up to stand behind Kensi, lightly running one hand up her back, tracing the smooth line of her spine. She shivered and he let his hand drift back down, resting at the small of her back.

"God, how is it that when you wear clothes that technically cover more of you than the average bikini that you actually look even more incredible?" he murmured, not hiding the heat in his eyes as he locked his eyes with hers in the mirror. Kensi's blush deepened and she turned her head to look at him.

"I think you might be biased," she murmured. He angled his head down, kissing her quickly, then smiling against her lips.

"About you? Most definitely."

His affirmation had her softly smiling and even though he glanced back at the bed and thought longingly of what they could be doing, he followed Kensi into the living room as she gathered her bag for the beach. Deeks grabbed his surfboard from the living room where it had quickly found a place amongst the scant furniture.

Monty followed them as they left and he hopped into the back of Kensi's car, sticking his head out the window as they turned south towards Venice. Once Kensi had parked she turned to Deeks, uncertainty knitting her eyebrows.

"So how should I play this? What do they think based on what you told them?"

"I told them you were upset last night. And I think based on who Kensi Sullivan is you can assume she would be apprehensive of Derek but she still feels safe around Mike and Jesse, who have been nice to her. You'll do great," Deeks reassured, squeezing her hand once before exiting the car and unstrapping his board. Kensi grabbed her bag and he came around the side of the car, easily lacing his fingers with hers.

As they got closer to the water Deeks focused his eyes on the three guys, their surfboards on the sand around them. But what surprised him was the extra longboard that Jesse held, and the grin on the younger man's face as his eyes fell on Kensi. Mike was the first one to speak when they came to a stop.

"We felt bad about what happened last night. And Jesse thought you might be bored of sitting and reading on the beach. So we got you this board and we're going to take turns teaching you to surf."

"Only if you want to," Deeks quickly added, not entirely sure Kensi had any great desire to learn to surf and also a little worried about her having to do something unfamiliar in a situation where she was already guardedly tense. She glanced at him quickly, challenging him with a silent look. He held up his hands in defeat, laughing under his breath at his own attempts to speak for Kensi. Clearly whether it was her cover or her, he should have known better.

Kensi stepped forward, reaching to take the board from Jesse. It was plain, a bright blue color, but it was taller and wider than she was. She looked at it doubtfully.

"That's really sweet of you guys, but this looks awfully big."

"Longboards are easier to learn on. Once you get the hang of it we'll get you a shortboard."

Kensi stiffened slightly at Derek's words, turning apprehensive eyes to the man who had insulted her and hurt Deeks the night before. Although she understood what she had to do in order to sell her cover Kensi couldn't help but feel more than a little anger and aggression towards Smith. But she knew that while Kensi Blye might want to cause him bodily harm, she didn't have that luxury as Kensi Sullivan. So she quietly and timidly waited as he approached her with what on the surface looked like a genuinely apologetic smile on his face. Despite the effort, she could still see the callous calculation under the surface of his gaze on her.

"I was an ass last night. Everyone knows I'm generally kind of an ass but you deserve an apology. I'm sorry for what I said to you. It won't happen again."

Although his words might have seemed genuine she could tell it was an act. Kensi looked to Deeks for his response, thinking that her alias was more the type to demure to her boyfriend for how he felt. Noticing that the other men watched the exchange as Deeks nodded his approval, her apprehension about the right way to handle the situation faded away. She gave Derek a cautious smile and took the hand he offered her, shaking it quickly before she let go.

She kept her gaze lowered and slightly submissive, her voice shy and relieved. "Thank you all. I'm glad you guys worked things out. I didn't want to come between any of you."

Mike shrugged, easily moving on from the apologies, and picked up his board. "You ready to hit the waves then?"

Kensi looked startled, glancing out at the ocean. "Now? Out there?"

"Yeah, first lesson is about balance on the board in the water. We won't go out on the waves just yet but you have to start somewhere. Come on."

As the three guys ambled down the sand towards the water Kensi hung back with Deeks, real uncertainty clouding her eyes. He couldn't help but laugh at the unguarded hesitation written all over her face.

"Don't tell me this has you freaked. Of all the things you've done learning to surf has you running scared?"

"I am not scared," she shot back quickly, too quickly to be mistaken for anything but bravado. His grin widened and her eyes narrowed.

"If you can do it then it can't be that hard," Kensi said confidently, picking up the board and walking with Deeks down to the ocean. He could tell his silence and amused smile grated on her so he kept quiet, earning another annoyed glance.

"What is it with you, suddenly with nothing to say?"

"I just can't wait to hear you eat those words."

Tossing him a superior look of defiance, Kensi waded into the water, then lay on her board on her stomach and paddled towards Mike, who was waiting about twenty feet offshore in chest high water.

And Deeks watched her go, shaking his head as he thought about what Kensi didn't know she was getting herself into.

* * *

><p>"You should enjoy this moment, because it's probably never going to happen again."<p>

Deeks waited silently, not relishing the moment as much as he'd thought he would.

"I was wrong. Surfing is very hard." Kensi might have continued, but she groaned in pain as she tried to sit up on the bed, her tired arms, sore legs and aching back protesting the movement. Deeks quickly moved to help her, trying not to be too concerned when her arms tightened around his shoulders. The fact that she was letting him help and that she needed his help was a bit of a frightening development, considering his fiercely independent partner never asked anyone for help.

"And it hurts," Kensi whispered painfully, and in a plaintive tone he wasn't at all used to her using. It kind of broke his heart a little and he leaned down, kissing her forehead gently.

"Aw, sweetheart, it'll get better. Your muscles just aren't used to it. I think there's ice cream in the freezer. Would that help?"

He was rewarded with the brightening in Kensi's eyes and her rapid nod. Promising to be right back, Deeks left the bedroom, heading to the kitchen to retrieve the promised ice cream.

Even though he hated seeing Kensi in pain, he was glad he was the one who got to be with her like this. And he felt awed that when she could have hidden or pushed him away, she didn't. It struck him that Kensi had probably always had to prove herself to others her entire life. But she was letting him see the side of her that could be considered by some to be weakness. To Deeks it just made her an even stronger person.

And he had to hand it to her. Clearly she'd never been on a surfboard before. But she gamely did her best to follow the directions Mike and Jesse gave her, starting with keeping her balance standing on the board out in the water and then moving on to dozens of practice pop ups on the sand while laying prone on the board to a standing position. She'd fallen in the water more times than he could count. But at the end of the day she'd been determined to at least attempt to ride one wave and she'd demanded he take her out to try.

It had been a bit of a spectacular disaster after about three seconds upright and Deeks hadn't been able to breathe for the few seconds after she'd fallen from her board before her head broke the surface of the water. And he stayed with her while she floated in the water and held on to the side of her board and coughed up salt water, not feeling at all triumphant. He'd been impressed at how hard she'd worked and the progress she'd made in only one day. And he looked forward to the day when she could surf as well as him.

The skeptical look she'd shot him when he told her that shouldn't have made him smile, but it did. He'd seen a lot of people learn to surf. Some of them were gifted, some of them average, and some of them terrible. Kensi was a natural, even if she didn't feel like she was. And by the end of the day she was definitely feeling the strain on her muscles. He'd managed to help her limp back to the car after saying goodbye to the guys, and thankfully she hadn't argued when he told her to lie down in bed back at her apartment.

He returned to the bedroom, ice cream and spoons in hand, offering Kensi her choice of the two pints. Completely unsurprised when she chose the chocolate with fudge chunks, he dug into the vanilla and caramel swirl. After a few minutes he looked up and found Kensi glancing his way and he grinned, tipping his carton towards her and offering to switch flavors. She smiled happily and they traded, though Deeks noticed with an affectionate smile that she'd left far less in her carton than had been in his.

After several minutes the only sound was the scrapping of their spoons on the bottom of the ice cream cartons. Both finished, he took the empty cartons and spoons to the kitchen, returning to find Kensi shifting uncomfortably on the bed, trying to get more comfortable. He laid down next to her, smiling as she shifted to his side, using him as a kind of body pillow, her head coming to rest on his chest. Her contented sigh made him smile.

"Comfy?"

"Mmmhmm."

He quietly stroked her hair, feeling comfortable and satisfied in ways he wasn't sure he'd ever felt before. Physical closeness with another person wasn't the same as emotional intimacy, a distinction he wasn't sure he would have been able to make before Kensi. One was infinitely better when combined with the other.

"What made you want to learn to surf?"

Her quiet question brought him back from his wandering thoughts and he paused before answering, considering how much about himself he wanted to reveal. Kensi had offered a lot of herself to him when she'd told him about her father. And there was a part of him that wanted her to know the parts of his past that so few people knew.

"You know I grew up in a bad neighborhood. I didn't have the greatest family either. Dad was an angry drunk and he would take it out on my mom and me." He paused in his story to look at Kensi, finding her wide, dark eyes watching him. And where normally someone would interrupt, ask questions or reassure him, she didn't.

And it was another thing about her that struck him as amazing. She didn't just listen. The opposite of talking wasn't listening. The opposite of talking was waiting. And Kensi would wait, give him the time he needed, and she would be there for him. Taking strength in her quiet warmth against him, he continued.

"I think almost as soon as I was old enough to escape without notice I was getting out of that house. Ray lived down the street and he was older than me. And he had brothers older than him and I used to tag along when they went to the beach. I would watch the surfers and think about how surfing looked like freedom. It looked like you could escape from thinking about yelling, screaming, guns, crying, and every angry word and disappointed look.

"As soon as I was old enough to be out on the water and on a board, I was. Ray got me my first board. His brothers taught me to surf. And it was like freedom and peace and escape all rolled into one. When I was a teenager it was where I went to get away from the drugs and violence in the neighborhood I lived in.

"I lost friends to that violence. I found some measure of peace out on the ocean." He took a deep breath, gearing himself up to reveal one of the things he still wasn't sure he really wanted Kensi to know about him. "Do you remember how when I was shot I said I shot someone when I was eleven?"

At Kensi's affirmative nod he trudged on. "That was my father. Ray gave me the gun. One night I'd just had enough. My mom had long had enough, but she'd passed that point years earlier and I don't think it even occurred to her that she could have a different life. He came after her and I shot him. He went to prison, got out, and died in 1998. I never saw him after that night."

Deeks fell silent, feeling an uncomfortable swell of emotion in his chest. He couldn't help but be confused over feeling loss for a man who had never really been a father. And that confusing loss was quickly followed with anger that he struggled to tamp down. Kensi's hands and fingers, gently stroking through his hair, calmed and centered him.

"I've always had surfing to escape to, ever since I was a kid. And it was something I've always been good at when that has largely been in doubt for most other facets of my life," Deeks said wryly, trying to turn his words in a more humorous direction. Kensi frowned sadly at him, finally opening her mouth to speak.

"You don't think that now, do you?"

He shrugged. "Most times, no. But I still have doubts now and then. My less than ideal upbringing still rears its head every now and then."

"You're more than the sum of your parents and childhood upbringing. Otherwise you'd be your father, or something much worse. I hope you know that," Kensi said fervently. And he couldn't help but smile at the conviction of her words.

"I do. But it helps to hear you say it." Deeks smiled softly at Kensi, earning him a smile from her in return. Kensi laid her head back down on his chest over his heart and they lay quietly until she spoke again.

"Thank you for telling me about your father. I'm here if you ever want to tell me the rest. And even if you don't."

Deeks nodded against the tightness in his chest, not surprised that she'd known there was more to the story. But it would have to wait for another time. He wasn't quite brave enough to tell her right then. But sometime soon he hoped to be.

"So surfing was harder than you expected?" Deeks teased, wanting to change the subject. Kensi groaned softly.

"Yes, I admit it. Standing up on a piece of fiberglass is harder than it looks."

Deeks chuckled. "You'll get the hang of it, don't worry. You're a natural."

Kensi was quiet a moment, an uncharacteristic hint of uncertainty creeping into her eyes. "Do you think so?"

"I do, absolutely," Deeks nodded firmly. Kensi gave him a shy smile, and he was staggered to understand that his approval meant something to her.

"So you've said Venice has an okay break and decent enough waves. But where's your favorite place to surf?"

Warming to a topic he was well versed on, Deeks considered for only a moment before speaking. "Malibu has a couple of great spots. That's where I mostly go, when I'm not undercover. But there are supposed to be some great waves all over the world I wouldn't mind checking out. Bells Beach in Australia, Hawaii's North Shore on Oahu, the Eastern Cape of South Africa. Oh, and the coastline from Oceanside to San Clemente in southern California, but that'll never happen."

Kensi looked at him strangely. "Why not? We're in southern California, it seems like those would be much easier to get to than South Africa or Australia."

"Oceanside to San Clemente is Camp Pendleton, Kensi. Off limits to civilians. Too bad considering some of the best waves on the west coast are supposed to be there off of the Del Mar Jetty," Deeks lamented. Kensi raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"I have a hard time believing you would let little things like fences and signs keep you away from good surfing."

Deeks pretended to protest, but after Kensi stared him down he sighed and relented.

"Okay, I'm not going to lie. I did try and sneak on base with some buddies when we were teenagers but we got caught every time. And then I was a cop and it just seemed wrong somehow."

Kensi shook her head in amusement at his oddly moralistic logic. Stretching a little to try and ease the strain of her muscles she managed not to grimace. And Deeks' hand, soothing and warm on her back, helped.

"Once this is all over, will you show me where you like to surf in Malibu?" she asked quietly. Deeks looked at her, surprised at the question.

"Of course I will. Now that I know about all this hidden talent of yours I want you out on the water with me," Deeks teased with a grin. Kensi shoved him in the shoulder with her fist, reasoning as her muscles protested and Deeks laughed at the weak attempt that she was probably harming herself more than him.

The sun was beginning to sink below the horizon when Kensi woke a few hours later, having dozed off next to Deeks. He slept on, deep and even breaths in time with the steady rise and fall of his chest. She watched him and the sunset for awhile, until Deeks stirred, his arm tightening around her and his eyes sleepily opening to find her gaze on him.

It was the tenderness and caring in his eyes that made her heart hammer. She could see it in the ocean blue of his eyes, that she meant so much to him. More than he'd said, and more than she'd previously guessed. There was a word for it but it wasn't a word she'd allowed herself to even think relating to anyone in years. But it was hard to deny when it was written in every look, every touch, even in the way he moved around her.

When he reached for her he expected her to be there. When he turned to meet his eyes with hers he wanted to see the silent answers to his questions. When his voice teased her he was looking for her playful and sharp retort. She still marveled over all of that.

He challenged her. He accepted her. He didn't let her hide from him. He was harder on her than anyone in her life had ever been in ways she never would have been able to guess when they'd first met. It scared and thrilled her because it was a familiar feeling, this word she didn't want to voice. But it was also so much bigger than what she'd felt before, when she was much younger, much more unsure, and much more naïve about how the world worked.

Deeks either sensed the turmoil rolling through her mind and decided not to push her on it or she managed to keep her conflict to herself because he said nothing. Kensi suspected it was the former and not the latter. Maybe it should have grated on her but it didn't. Instead she was grateful he understood, at least sometimes, when pushing wasn't the right avenue.

"I have a suggestion for an angle you could try and work."

Kensi looked at Deeks, recognizing the seriousness of his tone. He wanted to discuss their assignment. And after a week of sitting on the beach pretending to be Marty Tyler's girlfriend, as fun as that could be at times, she was itching to do something to contribute to Deeks' undercover mission. Her unsuccessful attempt at snooping had only fueled her to want to do more. At her eager nod Deeks continued.

"Depending on where things go with me getting pulled into an actual job, I think you could work on Jesse. He likes you, a lot. He's more than a little in awe of you and I think he may have the most potential as a target we could try and flip, if we needed to later."

"So get close to him and try and gain his confidence and trust?" Kensi asked thoughtfully, seeing merit in Deeks' suggestion.

"I think if you lay that groundwork now it may pay off later. He's friendly with me but I think he'll open up and respond to you even more. You game?"

"Absolutely. Jesse's supposed to give me a surfing lesson Tuesday afternoon. I'll start then," Kensi answered. She glanced at the clock, noting the later hour, and reluctantly and carefully pushed away from Deeks to stand. She gingerly stretched her arms, noting with satisfaction that the soreness, while still present, had lessened a little.

"Dinner? I'm thinking Chinese."

Deeks nodded in agreement, then caught her hand gently in his as she turned to find the menus and phone to place an order. She searched his face, recognizing the serious and worried expression darkening his eyes and furrowing his brow. Before he could speak she leaned down, holding his face in her hands and kissing him gently once on the lips.

"I promise I'll be careful."

Although Deeks still looked concerned, her words seemed to calm him. She left him in the bedroom, recognizing that like her sometimes Deeks needed time to himself to think. She knew he was battling with balancing the operation with their relationship. And she had to admit, it worried her too. But she had to believe that when the time came she would make the right decision. Whatever that was.


	14. Chapter 14

****Please see previous chapters for summary, rating, disclaimer, etc.**  
><strong>Note:<strong> **Thank you for all the support from the reviews, alerts and favorites. Several of you are very kind in reviewing each week and I truly appreciate it. Thanks to** **MioneAlterEgo** **for the continual assistance as my sounding board and helping me with my precarious Oxford comma situations ;) Forewarning: It's probably going to be two weeks until I update again since I'm going out of town and since next Thursday is Thanksgiving in the U.S. Those of us celebrating should probably all be off doing better things than reading fanfic anyway! Like eating pie. The website hasn't generally been kind to me when I've tried to access it from my smart phone and I'm still putting finishing touches on the next chapter so I'm doubtful I'll be able to finish editing the next chapter and get it up next week, but we'll see. Otherwise it'll be a bit late until after I get home again. Thanks for reading!

* * *

><p>"Kensi! Look what came for you!"<p>

Glancing up in surprise, Kensi's eyes widened as she saw Rachel approach her desk, carrying a glass vase impressively overflowing with flowers. Rather, Kensi could hear Rachel's voice and see her long, tanned legs and pencil skirt, but the flowers completely obstructed her upper body and face.

Confused, Kensi came around her desk to take the flowers from Rachel, settling them on the ledge in front of her desk. Kensi studied them with a little apprehension while Rachel nearly bounced in excitement next to her. She smiled at Rachel, not at all surprised at her new friend's reaction.

In the week she'd been working at the law firm she and Rachel had become fast friends. It made Kensi a little sad to think that when this undercover assignment was over she would likely have to cut all ties with Rachel. Where Kensi's alias had been built around a history of a young woman with daddy issues and some low self esteem thrown in, Rachel was the real life example.

Kensi had learned that Rachel's father had left her and her mother when she'd been a child and Rachel had never seemed to quite recover from the abandonment. She was a beautiful woman, a quintessentially blond southern California girl with deep green eyes and a slim figure that caught the eye of men wherever she went.

And Rachel was incredibly unlucky in love. That was something Kensi could easily relate to. Rachel seemed to pick men who only disappointed her in the end and weren't interested in her for anything beyond what her wide smile and friendly manner suggested. Kensi had listened as Rachel described her last boyfriend who had cheated on her, her voice full of hurt and disappointment and it hadn't been hard for her to lay a reassuring hand on Rachel's arm, and pull her into a comforting hug.

Rachel was also refreshingly non-competitive. Kensi had very few female friends. And none of them she would have been able to classify as close friends. The only one who came close was probably Nell and while they knew each other for who they really were, there was so much they didn't say or share with one another. But when Kensi had attempted closer friendships with her female friends more often than not there was an underlying current of competition that Kensi just didn't have patience for. Competition for men, for who was better looking, weighed less, had better clothes, better hair.

She'd been sure Rachel would fit into that same exhausting category of rivalry. Instead Kensi had been pleasantly surprised. Rachel was bright, sympathetic and a sensitive and fun friend. She was also almost longingly curious about Kensi's relationship with Deeks. Or rather, Kensi Sullivan's relationship with Marty Tyler. And even though it wasn't completely natural for her to gush about Deeks, Rachel was so disarmingly friendly that Kensi had found herself telling her things she never would have thought she would.

Kensi had enjoyed having Rachel to talk to. She'd enjoyed having a close female friend who didn't judge or have predisposed opinions about her. Someone who seemed to like her just for being her. It was something she would miss when she went back to being Kensi Blye, NCIS agent.

Turning her attention to the flowers, Kensi tried not to let her apprehension show. In her experience receiving flowers hadn't often been a good thing. Too frequently they'd been associated with apologies or deception. There was a feminine part of her that loved the idea of getting flowers from a man. But she'd been burned too many times in the past so that the heart skipping possibility of the flowers simply representing affection wasn't the first thing she thought of.

"Aren't you going to open the card?" Rachel asked almost breathlessly. Kensi reached out and turned the vase in her hands, admiring the unusual collection of flowers. They weren't typical roses or daisies. In fact, she wasn't entirely sure what flowers they were. As if reading her mind, Rachel reached out, touching several of the pink and purple flowers with petals almost in the shape of hearts.

"These are Balsam, they represent ardent love." Rachel then reached for a blue five petal flower with a yellow center almost like a star. "These are Forget-Me-Nots and they signify true love." And finally she pointed at the delicate blossoms of overlapping white petals. "And these are Gardenias. They symbolize joy and sweet love."

Kensi fixed Rachel with a stunned gaze. Rachel finally met her eyes, shrugging self consciously. "What?"

"Did you memorize the FTD catalog or something?"

"My mom owns a nursery." Rachel said defensively. Kensi nodded knowingly, not completely convinced. Rachel huffed a little, then relented.

"Okay, and I _may_ be one of those kinds of girls who loves to get flowers and has spent an unhealthy amount of time looking up what they mean."

Kensi shook her head in amusement, still studying the bouquet. It was truly beautiful. Unique and full of color that both contrasted and complimented. The smell from the Gardenias was light and sweet and she breathed deep, allowing herself the small concession of burying her nose in the flowers and closing her eyes. Rachel tugged on her arm impatiently.

"Come on, Kensi! Put me out of my misery! Open the card," Rachel urged. Kensi laughed a little, reaching for the card.

"They must be from Marty, but I'm not sure why," Kensi murmured, equal parts curious and apprehensive as she opened the card. It seemed uncharacteristic of Deeks to send her flowers. He didn't really strike her as the flower giving type. But then she was still learning what kind of boyfriend he was. Both as her alias and herself. The flowers could very well just be his attempt to sell their cover as a couple. Kensi tried to quash the disappointed stirring of her heart at the thought.

She opened the card envelope, pulling the card out and flipping it open. And her skeptical heart melted a little at the words inside, written in Deeks' steady hand.

_These aren't as beautiful as you are but they're close. I wish there were more ways to say all that you are to me. But I'll just have to let the flowers speak for me._

Rachel's contented sigh just over her left shoulder had Kensi grinning. She turned to her friend, seeing that Rachel had the expression of a woman who couldn't help but be a little jealous. But Kensi could see it wasn't coveting jealousy, just wishful longing. And that was one of the reasons Kensi liked Rachel.

"Marty sent them?"

Kensi nodded happily, unable to help herself as she reached forward to adjust the flowers, her heart speeding up. She couldn't quite make herself be cynical of the flowers or why Deeks might have sent them. Not when they were so beautiful. She liked to think deep down they were meant for her and they weren't a show or a ploy for their undercover. It was another side of Marty Deeks that was taking her breath away and unsettling all her previous notions.

"Does he have a brother or something? Or could we clone him?"

Kensi laughed at Rachel's wistful tone and then the two women smiled and laughed together. After Rachel left her to return to the front reception area Kensi couldn't help but stare at the flowers a few more minutes before she sat back at her desk and retrieved her cell phone. She sent Deeks a quick text message.

_Thank you. They're beautiful._

She smiled at his quick response.

_Not as beautiful as you. That's surprise #1. Surprise #2 imminent. _

Kensi puzzled over the cryptic text for a moment when the phone at her desk rang. Seeing it was Rachel, she picked it up. Rachel's voice on the line was bubbling and filled with barely contained excitement.

"You have a visitor, Ms. Sullivan. Please come to the front reception area!"

Giving the bouquet one last glance, Kensi stood and made her way towards the front of the offices. As she rounded the corner by the reception area she had a side view of Rachel but couldn't see the main waiting area. Rachel was turned in her chair towards her, watching for her approach. And the blond woman was just about vibrating with excitement where she sat in her chair. Kensi locked her curious eyes with Rachel's, seeing the merriment sparkling in her wide green eyes. As if answering her question, Rachel tilted her head towards the waiting area and silently mouthed three words.

_Oh my God!_

Kensi followed the tilt of Rachel's head and felt her face break out into a slow grin. Deeks stood in the reception area, turned away from her as he studied the abstract painting on the wall. She noted he'd dressed up a little to come visit her. Instead of the usual jeans and t-shirt he wore a pair of pressed khaki slacks and a blue button down shirt she knew would bring out the blue of his eyes.

She'd been right in thinking the week before that imagining Deeks in a law office like the one she was working in now seemed strangely wrong. His messy sun bleached hair stood out against all the dark wood of the walls. And the casual set of his shoulders, his hands in his pockets, was a contrast to the cold glass and sharp angles of the offices and furniture all around them.

And Kensi couldn't help but watch Deeks admiringly for a few minutes before he saw her. Rachel had yet to meet Marty Tyler and Kensi couldn't help but be curious what she would think of him. Based on her initial reaction, equal parts admiring and amazed, he'd made a good impression. Kensi had long known her partner had the looks and personality that drew people, that drew women, towards him. Seeing him and knowing she could claim some ownership of him, at least in some small measure, made her able to appreciate him as the attractive man that he was. Before, when their relationship had just been as friends and partners it had been harder for her to react objectively when a woman showed interest in him. Now she knew that her hold on him, whatever it might be, was a little more secure. She had some safety in his feelings for her.

Finally she moved forward, internally curious about why Deeks was coming to see her at her job. Rachel watched her with a smile, giving her a quick wink before Kensi turned her attention fully to Deeks. As if sensing her approach he turned on his heel, his eyes falling on her and that lopsided grin of his unable to hide his happiness at seeing her. The way he looked at her, as if he'd just been biding his time until she would be in view again, it made her stomach flip like she'd never thought she would ever feel again. It was almost silly and irrational to have feelings like that for someone. In her experience it certainly wasn't wise. But she found that throwing wise caution to the wind was easy when he reached for her as he did in that moment.

Kensi stepped into his half embrace as his arm went around her waist and he brought her against his side, leaning down to kiss her cheek and nuzzle her ear. She shivered at the brush of his beard against the shell of her ear, his lips light as he kissed her again, his voice pitched low.

"Surprise."

She couldn't control the blush that flared over her cheeks. And as Deeks pulled back and his knowing smile widened as he watched the heat coloring her face, she really didn't want to.

"This is a surprise. What are you doing here?" she murmured.

"I'm here to take my girlfriend to lunch. Did you like the flowers?" Deeks asked curiously, his eyes steady on her and watching her reaction. She reached up to stroke his face once quickly, keeping her voice as truthful as she could make it.

"I love them."

Clearly pleased with himself, Deeks smiled again. His hand at her waist slipped away to slide down her side and capture her hand, his fingers lacing with hers, his thumb turning and brushing over the pulse of her wrist, which gave a quick jump at his touch.

"So, can you go to lunch?"

Kensi glanced at the clock, noting it was still a little before noon. And she hadn't seen Sofia in a little while and she wondered if she would be needed by her boss. Sofia was a fairly undemanding boss but Kensi didn't want her absence to cause any problems.

"Oh yes, she can totally go for lunch." Rachel piped in eagerly from behind them. Turning with a curious raise of her eyebrows, she fixed Rachel with an amused and incredulous gaze. Both for the interruption and for the obvious eavesdropping. Rachel smiled back unapologetically, then waved them away.

"You two go, have fun. I'll cover for you if anything comes up, Kensi."

Deeks grinned at Rachel, then stepped back, tugging Kensi along with him. "Thanks, Rachel, I owe you one."

Kensi shook her head in amusement at Rachel's answering blush to Deeks' smile and appreciate words. He really could charm just about anyone.

Deeks took her to a Greek restaurant down the street from her office and after they'd ordered he turned to her, his eyes relaxed as he reached for her hand, his fingers playing with hers.

"So what's with the flowers and the surprise visit?" Kensi asked cautiously, unable to completely dismiss her suspicion. Deeks shrugged.

"No reason. Except I got the sense that when you've gotten flowers before it was because someone was apologizing. You should get flowers for no good reason. Just because." His face turned serious and he leaned in closer. "And I just wanted to see you. Hope that's okay."

Kensi couldn't help the warm smile that lifted her lips as she nodded at his words. She liked sometimes that Deeks was a little uncertain and scared of her reactions. It kept him on his toes and she liked that she wasn't the only one unsettled in their relationship.

They talked quietly through lunch, discussing their plans for the weekend (more surfing lessons for her, maybe a movie), and Kensi found it easy to stop thinking of their undercover assignment. Easy enough that when they left and Deeks took her hand to walk her back to her job she couldn't help but wish she could follow him away, preferably back to their normal lives and jobs at NCIS.

Rachel was on the phone when they returned and she waved at them as Deeks followed Kensi back towards her desk. He insisted on bringing her all the way back and Kensi knew he was curious about where she was working. She gestured to her desk and Deeks sat down in her chair, swiveling it around once and then coming to a stop facing her computer screen. He leaned forward and picked up the picture frame that sat to the side of her desk phone.

Kensi smiled, a little embarrassed that he'd seen she had a photo of the two of them, taken that day on the beach when Mike had her camera phone, so prominently on display. He didn't tease her about it, just gave her a pleased smile and he set the photo back on her desk. Kensi came around and pulled him from her chair.

"Okay, time for you to go. I've got work to do."

Deeks sighed dramatically, pouting a little until he saw her unconsciously leaning forward to touch her fingers against the soft petals of a flower in her bouquet. She saw how he straightened a little, clearly pleased with her reaction.

"Kensi, who's your friend?"

She turned quickly, stepping against Deeks, his hand coming to rest at her waist, his fingers tightening and trying to tug her back. She recognized his automatic response. Months ago she'd noticed how he sometimes tried to pull her behind him, tried to shield her against danger with his own body. It had bothered her when they were just partners because she'd thought it was because he didn't think she could take care of herself. But she knew now that it had more to do with his instinctive need to protect her. It might have bothered her before but she could see the other side now. Having someone to protect and look out for her wasn't nearly as oppressive as she'd thought.

Kensi gestured from Josh Scott to Deeks, trying to keep her voice even. She'd been so focused on Deeks she hadn't seen the lawyer approach. And she didn't like that she'd been caught unaware.

"Josh, this is my boyfriend, Marty Tyler. Marty, this is Josh Scott, one of the lawyers in the offices here. He was nice enough to show me around on my first day."

The two men exchanged greetings and a handshake and Kensi fought the urge to roll her eyes at the clear male posturing unfolding in front of her. Deeks would have recalled that Josh was the man who had hit on her and Josh would have realized Marty was the guy she'd turned him down for. Not wanting Deeks to act unnecessarily territorial of her she began to push him away and towards the reception area. When they were out of sight Deeks twisted under her hands and turned to grin at her.

"That's the guy? I can't believe he even bothered. You're definitely out of his league."

Kensi laughed, her grin widening. "Oh? And you aren't?"

Deeks shrugged. "Oh, I'm definitely out of your league. Doesn't stop me from trying though."

Kensi could only look stunned at his offhand words and she managed to somehow accept his quick kiss as he backed away with a smile. She watched as Deeks gave Rachel a quick wave as he left and when she finally shook herself from her stupor she could only shake her head at herself. She wished there was some way to show Deeks that he was so much more than he thought of himself. She hadn't known that many decent and good people in her life. But he was by far the best person she knew.

Returning to her desk she was irritated to see that Josh was still there, clearly sizing up her bouquet of flowers as he turned the vase around with his hand. She tamped down the irrational urge she had to tell him to stop touching her flowers. She sat down at her desk, pulling up her email in an attempt to suggest to Josh that she was busy and he should leave her alone. When he didn't take the hint she suppressed a sigh and gave him a tight smile.

"Is there something I can help you with?"

Josh looked a little hesitant and she almost felt sorry for him. Until he began speaking.

"Your boyfriend, he's not the reason you originally needed a job to hide, right? He doesn't hurt you, does he?"

Kensi felt her jaw fall open in shock and she was shocked to silence. Finally finding her voice, she could barely string words together. "Why would you think that?"

"Well, he looks a little rough. And he seemed possessive. I know you're hiding from something. And I just want to help—"

"Thank you for your concern." Kensi's voice was firm. She wanted to punch Josh in the stomach for thinking that Deeks was the kind of man who would ever hurt her. She could understand that he'd made assumptions about how Deeks had touched her. But he didn't know her, didn't know him and didn't know how they were together. And she disliked his assumptions that he did. It felt like he was trying to exert imply familiarity with her so her could control her. "There's nothing for you to help with. Marty would never hurt me. Never."

"If you're sure—"

"I'm positive. There's nothing for you to be concerned about."

Kensi kept her voice measured and Josh finally nodded, concern still coloring his eyes. Concern that crawled under her skin because she knew deep down it wasn't really concern for her. And it was beginning to grate on her playing the part of a woman who wasn't as forthright as she was. Somehow her alias as Kensi Sullivan made men like Derek Smith and Josh Scott think they could control her. And that wasn't a comfortable place for her to be.

Josh finally took the hint and moved away and Kensi silently rejoiced, gratefully turning to her computer. Only to be interrupted by Rachel's excited voice.

"Did you have a nice lunch?"

Hiding her exasperation, Kensi turned in her chair, finding her annoyance melt away at Rachel's eager smile.

"It was really nice. Thanks for covering for me."

Rachel waved her thanks away dismissively. "No problem. The second he came in and introduced himself I could understand all of your distractions. He seems like such a nice guy, Kensi."

Kensi gave a short bark of laughter. "Yeah, tell that to Josh. He just implied that Marty beats me."

Rachel startled, then her eyes turned angry. "What? He actually said that?"

"He asked if Marty hurts me."

Rachel straightened and crossed her arms over her chest. "Are you kidding me? He doesn't even know Marty. Of all the rude and overbearing—"

Kensi cut her off with an amused grin. "Rachel, not that I don't appreciate the support, but you don't really know Marty either. For all you know he _does _beat me."

Rachel shook her head resolutely once. "Nope, not a chance."

Kensi looked at her strangely, taken by the absolute certainty in Rachel's voice. And she couldn't help but wonder at how this woman, who didn't really know her at all, could be so certain and so firm in her friendship. "How can you be sure?"

Rachel shrugged. "Because I can just tell. He's a good person. Just like you're a good person. I can read people."

Kensi felt oddly touched by her words, knowing that as much as Rachel felt them, they weren't entirely true. Because no matter how she spun it she was still lying to this woman who she now thought of as a friend. And there was a regretful part of Kensi that hated that. Latching on to her last sentence, Kensi responded playfully.

"Except for creepy guys who try and pick you up."

Rachel smiled and nodded sheepishly. "Yeah, except those guys." She sighed wistfully. "Why can't I find a nice guy like yours? Seriously, Kensi, we need to hang out more outside of work. You managed to find Marty. Maybe some of your good luck would rub off on me."

Kensi smiled and nodded noncommittally, knowing she could never ask Rachel to spend time with her outside of work. The last thing she wanted was for Rachel to get involved in the side of her undercover assignment that involved dangerous bank robbers. But she couldn't deny how nice it was to imagine having a friend like Rachel to spend time with. Even if it would never happen.

Rachel gave her a parting wave and smile and Kensi finally turned back to her work, spending several hours organizing files for a case her boss was preparing for before leaving work a little early to drive a well known path to Venice. She followed the same path she had for the last week and a half, not bothering to alter her route or check for tails.

It was a little strange not working irregularity into her life. But Kensi Sullivan was just an average young woman. She didn't have to think about her safety and identity as a Federal agent being compromised.

In a strange sort of way her undercover mission with Deeks was a little like peeking into the world her life could have become. In Kensi's mind her fate had been decided the moment the MPs had shown up at her home in Oklahoma when she was fifteen. That event, her father's death, had set into motion the path her entire life would take. And that path, begun by the single most important event of her life, was still unraveling.

But her life could have been so different. If she hadn't been taken in by her father's friend's family she wouldn't have moved to Virginia with them. She wouldn't have met Jack. She probably would have gone to college, but maybe not in Washington, D.C. And she might not have pursued the Criminal Justice degree she'd achieved with singular focus.

Most likely she wouldn't have experienced the life she'd led up to now. There would have been little chance she would have ended up in Los Angeles or anywhere even close to Deeks. And she couldn't quite imagine life without him now.

But shaking her head and pulling into an empty parking spot near the beach, Kensi focused her thoughts back to Kensi Sullivan's life. She exited the car, grabbing her bag and walking over the sand to where Jesse was waxing his surfboard. He looked up as she approached, giving her a wide and welcoming grin that she returned easily.

"Hey, Kensi! Difficult day at the office?"

Kensi shrugged, pushing her shorts and shirt off to reveal yet another bikini. In her entire life she'd never worn swimwear as much as she had in the last two weeks.

"It was okay, a little boring, except when Marty came to take me to lunch. I was looking forward to coming out here with you so that helped make the time pass," Kensi kept her tone open and friendly, with a hint of flirtation. She was rewarded with a sheepish grin from Jesse. She knelt down next to him in the sand, reaching for her board, which Jesse had been nice enough to keep for her when she wasn't on the beach.

As she leaned over to pick up the chunk of wax to begin on her board Jesse stopped her, taking it from her hand.

"No, no, I got this," he said, shooing her away.

"Are you sure? You don't have to do that for me," Kensi argued, even while deep down she knew she would give in. Not because she wanted to, but because her alias would. Her alias would enjoy letting a guy take care of something for her.

When Jesse shrugged she gave him a wink and a pat on the shoulder, not missing the look on the younger man's face. Deeks had been right: Jesse did have something of a crush on her. It was something she could use to their advantage.

She couldn't help the slight twinge of regret that followed that immediate thought. She knew on the outside Jesse seemed like a nice enough guy. He was respectful of her, liked to make her laugh, and in his oddly stumbling way, just wanted to impress her. But then she thought about the video footage of the bank robberies and reminded herself that he'd wielded a gun on seven prior occasions, terrorizing civilians in the banks he'd held up, and stealing money that wasn't his.

Wanting to distract her thoughts, Kensi asked Jesse about his work at the garage. Happy to have a subject to talk about, Jesse rambled on about a custom engine job he was working on while she sat back, rubbing sunscreen on her arms and shoulders as he spoke. And she watched him talk, wondering how a nice enough, unassuming young guy could get mixed up in what he was into with Mike Williams and Derek Smith. She hoped that maybe when all this was over and their suspects were in custody she could ask him that. Not that it would do any good at that point, but she wished she could understand.

The deep undercover nature of her mission with Deeks was starting to take its toll. She didn't feel overly strained from it, but she could see now how different the rigors of deep undercover missions were from the short term ones she was familiar with. It could be easy to get lost in becoming, thinking and reacting like someone else. Kensi was grateful every day to have Deeks there to remind her of who he was, of who she was. Just looking at him was enough to ground her. It made her wonder at how he'd done this kind of mission countless times before, all on his own, and for incredibly long periods of time.

A lull in Jesse's constant stream of chatter clued her in and Kensi looked back to see that he was finishing up with her board and standing to head towards the water. She took his offered hand, allowing him to help her up, and she picked up her board to follow him to the water.

And even though she was constantly on guard and in character as Kensi Sullivan, she couldn't help but let go a little as she got her surfing lesson from Jesse. He was a good teacher, almost as good at Deeks about picking up on the nuances and differences in how she placed her feet and held her balance or posture. They were still working on her ability to stand on the board and ride relatively small waves in but Kensi was growing more and more confident with each wave.

Paddling back out to Jesse after a longer ride than usual, she smiled at his enthusiastic clapping. She sat back on her board, letting her feet dangle in the ocean as they both looked and scanned the ocean for oncoming waves. Kensi narrowed her eyes at Jesse, deciding on a new tactic to draw him out.

"Jesse, why don't you have a girlfriend?"

As expected, her question instantly flustered the younger man. His attention on the horizon lost, he looked back at her, moving his mouth and seemingly trying to find an answer. Wanting to throw him a life preserver, Kensi persisted. "And what about Mike and Derek? No girlfriends for them either?"

"Well, I think you can guess why Derek doesn't have a girlfriend," Jesse said pointedly, to which she nodded uncomfortably. It didn't bother her one bit that as her alias she gave Smith a wide berth. The fact that it pleased Deeks didn't escape her notice either.

"Mike's dated a few girls, er, women. I dunno. Out of the four of us I'd say Marty's been the luckiest since he found you."

Kensi smiled genuinely at his words, not finding it difficult to be flattered by what Jesse had said.

"And you? Wouldn't you like a girlfriend?" she persisted, wanting to give Jesse the opportunity to open up to her.

"I don't seem to have the best luck with women. At least not long term. And the beach usually only has a certain breed of people, you know?"

Kensi playfully splashed him with some water. "Then maybe you need to cast a wider net, get away from the beach once in awhile. That's how Marty and I met, you know."

"That's right, coffee shop in the Valley, wasn't it?"

Kensi nodded, confident in their backstory being as solid as possible.

"So what were you doing there? That's a little ways away from Santa Monica."

Thinking quickly, she shrugged like it was nothing. "Visiting a friend who lives in that part of town."

"How come we never see any of your friends here at the beach?" Jesse asked curiously.

"They aren't really into the beach, Jesse. Most of the girls I know are into shopping and staying off the sand," she said apologetically.

Returning her earlier splash he admonished her. "Help a guy out, Kensi! Can't you at least convince one or two of them to come to the beach someday? Help cast that wider net for me!"

Kensi laughed easily, trying to deflect the question even as her mind instantly thought of Rachel and her co-worker's similar earlier request. And she quickly discarded the thought. "We'll see. No promises."

Her answer seemed to satisfy Jesse and he turned back to the horizon, pointing out an incoming swell that she should try to catch. Kensi exhaled quietly, reasoning that hopefully she wouldn't have to further redirect Jesse's inquiries about friends if she and Deeks could close down their undercover operation soon.

* * *

><p>Leaving his job at the market, Deeks decided to take a quick detour before heading to his apartment, remembering that Kensi was supposed to be getting a surfing lesson from Jesse that afternoon. He found her bag and their towels easily on the beach and sat, scanning the waves for Kensi.<p>

He found her easily, even from a distance recognizing her from how she sat on her board. He watched as a wave came in and she paddled to catch it, her movements textbook as she rose up to stand and balance on the board and turn to catch the right angle of the wave. Deeks knew Kensi was very good at following directions and her ability to adhere to guidelines had always served her well as an NCIS agent.

But he also knew that as with surfing, there was a certain natural instinct required in order to really master some skills. He knew Kensi had that natural instinct. He'd seen it when she'd picked up a weapon on the fly she wasn't familiar with, when she had to take down a desperate suspect in the field or hotwire a car. She had yet to let that natural instinct take her over with surfing though he was confident it would happen. She just needed to let go.

Until then he was pretty sure she would continue to have moments like the one he witnessed, when she lost the wave and it overtook her. Wincing in sympathy he waited for a nervous second before her head popped to the water's surface, her long hair slicked back in a ponytail. Kensi bobbed in the water, then glanced at the shore. He raised his hand in greeting and then she was turning towards him, paddling on her board towards the beach.

Deeks stood, ambling down to the water's edge to greet her, smiling as she rose from the water, letting it run in rivers down her body. It was perhaps a sign of how familiar the sight of her in a bikini was becoming that he was still able to form a coherent thought as she approached, leaving her board on the sand and throwing her arms around his neck.

"Is getting me wet revenge against the ocean for dunking you?" he murmured, kissing her ear and the wet hair at her temple. She nodded and rubbed against him some more in an attempt to get him even more soaked. He grinned, pulling reluctantly back to take in Kensi's laughing eyes. Her eyes were bright but there was fatigue lurking beneath the surface.

Jesse approached from the water, leaning against his board as he addressed Deeks. "She did good today. And getting better and better at popping up and staying up."

Deeks nodded thoughtfully, gesturing to the longboard Kensi had been using. "We might be ready to move to a smaller board soon, don't you think?"

Jesses nodded in agreement and Deeks gestured back towards the beach with a nod of his head. "She's looking pretty tired so I'm going to get her home. We'll catch you later?"

Jesse's eyes lit with memory and he leaned down to pick up the two surf boards. "Let me follow you. I have that computer you wanted to borrow."

Deeks shot a quick glance at Kensi, who was studiously pretending to ignore the conversation as she trudged up the sand next to him on the way to her car. After they reached the car and stowed the bags and towels Kensi got in the passenger seat and Deeks turned to take the box from Jesse.

"It's been built to your exact specifications. Mike wants you to get started as soon as possible."

"Not a problem. Thanks, Jesse. I'll let you guys know how it comes along. It should only take a couple weeks."

Jesse snapped the fingers of one hand, as if he remembered something. "By the way, Derek and Mike are planning a trip to Vegas for next week. You should come. Unless you think you'll be deep in programming?"

Deeks glanced through the car window at Kensi, feeling torn. On the one hand a trip to Vegas with the guys might be an opportunity to further ingratiate himself in the group. But on the other, he was supposed to be hard at work creating malware programming. Not to mention the idea of being away from Kensi held very little appeal to him. He shrugged, undecided.

"Maybe. I'll see where things are at with the programming. See you tomorrow?"

Deeks shook hands with Jesse and put the computer in the backseat before sliding behind the wheel, turning to meet Kensi's curious eyes with his own.

"They got me the computer. Looks like we're really in business now," he murmured. Kensi nodded in agreement and they were both quiet until they reached her apartment, finally behind the safety of a secure building.

While Kensi changed Deeks pulled out his comm, activating it to signal NCIS. Less than a minute passed and Nell's cheerful voice came on the line.

"Deeks? You guys okay?"

"We're fine, Nell. Anything you need to report to us?"

Nell's pause, barely noticeable but apparent to him all the same, caught his attention. "Nothing at the moment. What do you have for us?"

"I got the computer Eric told me I needed and wanted to arrange for an exchange. Nell, are you sure—"

"Hang on, let me check with Eric."

Deeks frowned as Nell cut him off, feeling the unease of worry beginning to form.

"Deeks, Eric's going to come by Kensi's apartment in thirty minutes as his previous cover as the pizza delivery guy. You can make the exchange then."

Not liking the suddenly brusque tone of Nell's voice, very unlike their friendlier conversations of the past several months, Deeks couldn't resist pressing further.

"Nell, what's wrong? Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine, Deeks. Eric will be by in thirty minutes."

With that Nell disconnected the comm and Deeks was left to pull it from his ear, staring at it with a worried expression that Kensi immediately picked up on when she re-entered the room.

"What's up?"

"I don't know. Maybe nothing. Nell was a little distant and short, which is unlike her. Eric will be by in a half hour to make the exchange."

Kensi passed him on her way to the kitchen, running her hand over his hair as she went by. The affectionate and unthinking nature of the gesture made him smile despite his concern about Nell.

"Nell doesn't like lying in general. But she especially doesn't like lying to or about you."

Deeks sat up straighter as Kensi returned with two beers, handing one to him and twisting the cap from hers. "What do you mean 'to or about' me?"

"I'm pretty sure Hetty ordered Eric and Nell to absolute silence about your undercover mission. Both for your safety and so it wouldn't distract us all to worry about you. Nell would never disobey Hetty, but I could tell she wanted to tell me things. It was getting to the point that she was avoiding me around the office."

Kensi took a long swig from her beer, giving him a warm smile. "She's been very protective of you, you know. I heard her talking to Eric one afternoon in Ops, worrying about you and wishing she could do more."

Deeks shook his head in amazement. "I had no idea. I mean, we've kind of developed something more of a friendship over the last few months. I didn't realize she cared that much."

Kensi sat next to him on the couch, nudging him with her hip. "You're not hard to care about, Marty. As much as I would have denied it a year ago."

He grinned mischievously, nudging her knee with his own. "Don't you mean two years ago? It's been almost two years since we met. I would have thought at least a year after knowing me that I didn't annoy you quite as much."

Kensi pretended to think long and hard. "I'm not sure. A year ago you still irritated me most of the time."

"See, I think you're lying. Not about the annoying part because let's face it, it seems to be a particular gift of mine to irritate you. But I think you cared for me, at least a little more than I annoyed you, at least a year ago," Deeks said confidently. Kensi's eyes narrowed at his confident tone, knowing there was truth to his statement but not wanting to give in so easily. The arguing was part of their push and pull, even when it was just for show.

"I think you've been away from NCIS too long. It's going to take us awhile to bring your ego back down to earth. But I have no doubt Sam and Callen will be up to the task," Kensi said sweetly. Deeks chuckled, not at all bothered by the inevitable teasing and joking he would get from the team. In fact, he looked forward to it as the familiar feeling of what home had become.

"Your paperwork came in, you know," Kensi said softly after a few minutes of silence. Puzzled, Deeks shot her a questioning glance. "The paperwork to make you an official NCIS agent. That was the one slip Nell made. She showed me the paperwork when Hetty gave it to her to process and scan. It's just waiting for your signature."

Deeks met her eyes with his own, seeing with surprise the uncertainty in her dark eyes as she waited for his response. Did she actually think he wouldn't sign the papers?

He chuckled, putting an arm around Kensi's shoulders. "You don't think I'm _not_ going to sign those papers, do you?"

Kensi's face reddened and she shrugged. "I know how hard it would be for me to give up being an NCIS agent."

"You know, it's funny. Before a couple of years ago I don't think I thought I would ever be anything other than an LAPD cop. And doing this, catching bank robbers and drug dealers, seemed like a pretty worthy career," Deeks paused, taking a long drag from his beer to finish it off. "But there's no place I'd rather be than at NCIS, watching your back, enduring Callen and Sam's witty banter and bringing just a little bit of fun and entertainment to you guys. Because let's face it, without me it has to be pretty boring around there."

Kensi sputtered, leaning away from Deeks. "We had fun before you came along!"

"Maybe, but not much."

"Did so!"

"So you say."

Kensi was about to argue back when she caught the amused glint in Deeks' eyes. Setting her beer down on the table she calmly turned back to Deeks, shoving down her usual instinct to push his buttons right back.

"Are you going to sign the papers or not?"

Her words came out demanding and a little more worried than she'd intended. Up until that moment she hadn't been aware of how much his answer meant. The amusement on his face fading quickly, he gave her a quick kiss on the lips, pulling back just slightly.

"Of course I'll sign them. I always finish what I've started. And you and me, we've only just begun."

Kensi felt her face and neck warm underneath the heat of his words, knowing he didn't just refer to their partnership.

The buzzing of the apartment intercom pulled her away and Kensi went to the door, hearing Eric's voice over the line and calling him up. Once he entered Kensi gave him a wide smile as Deeks joined them at the table. Eric unloaded two pizzas, to which Deeks gave him a heartfelt thank you and a slap on the back. They traded the computer for the pizzas in the carrying case Eric brought with him.

Deeks also handed over the receipt Kensi had retrieved from the trash can during her snooping the previous weekend. Eric quickly promised he would look into what the purchase was for to see if there was a lead they could follow.

Kensi traded worried glances with Deeks as the younger man seemed to be quiet and in a hurry to leave. Kensi stopped him with a hand on his arm, making him look at her.

"Eric, is everything okay?" She took a deep breath, steeling against the terrifying thoughts that automatically warred in her head. "Are Callen and Sam okay? They didn't get hurt or something, did they?"

"No, everyone's okay, no one's hurt. It's not anything about that. It's just been a busy few weeks."

Kensi could tell that Eric was hedging, not wanting to be secretive but also unable to hide what he was feeling.

"Come on, Eric. Tell us what's going on," Deeks pushed. Eric sighed, looking at them in turn both a little helplessly.

"I really shouldn't tell you."

Realizing he was close to capitulating, Kensi gave him an encouraging smile. Eric sighed again. "Okay, it's just that Director Vance is coming into town. He's not thrilled with how long Deeks has been gone and that Kensi is unavailable too. Hetty's doing what she always does and is holding him off, but we're all a little tense about the Director's visit."

Kensi glanced at Deeks quickly, seeing her worry mirrored in his eyes. The way things unraveled hadn't been ideal. And she bore the brunt of the blame, even if she knew the team would never reveal that to anyone willingly. Regardless, it served as a reminder that they didn't have endless time to finish their assignment and get back to NCIS.

Giving Eric a smile she was sure didn't reach her eyes, she patted Eric on the arm. "Thanks for telling us. We're doing what we can to finish this."

Eric nodded eagerly. "We know, and don't worry, no one at OSP blames you guys. Detective Benson has been very vocal in saying this undercover has been far more successful at gathering information than previous attempts."

After exchanging goodbyes Deeks followed Eric to the door, letting him out and locking it behind him. Her appetite gone, Kensi looked at Deeks and saw the stress, carefully tucked away but there all the same, cross over his face as he turned back to her. Although he didn't say it, and probably would never say it or blame her, she couldn't help but feel guilty over what her involvement had done to create the situation they were in.

Mumbling something about taking a bath, Kensi escaped to the bedroom, spending a long hour soaking in the tub. After she dressed for bed she went out on the apartment balcony, pulled her knees up against her chest and letting the warm spring air wash over her. She tried to let it soothe her, tried to let is pull away her fear and guilt. There was a part of her that knew she was reacting irrationally, that she was allowing the mercurial aspects of her personality take over and dictate her feelings and thoughts.

Even as she sat there, isolating herself in a way that was a familiar distancing tactic, she hated herself a little for it. She wished she felt confident enough to talk with Deeks about her guilt but she couldn't hide from her fear of what she might see on his face. Disappointment from him wasn't something she knew how to handle. She couldn't deny that it was her decisions that had disrupted Deeks' undercover assignment. And even though they were making progress she couldn't help but think of how things might have turned out different if she hadn't made one stupid mistake.

The hours passed and the sky darkened, a hint of stars beginning to stretch out in the sky. It was easy to forget what a starry sky looked like when you were in the middle of Los Angeles. All the city lights usually drowned out the celestial lights. But on the beach and further away she could just make out the stars off on the horizon. It surprised and worried her that Deeks left her alone. She wanted to think it was because he was respecting her need for space and time to think. But the self-doubting part of her worried it was because he did blame her and couldn't face talking to her right then.

She didn't turn as she heard Deeks approach and stop at the doorway of the apartment and balcony. She felt his eyes drift over her, probably studying and gauging how to approach her. She gritted her teeth, not wanting to talk and not wanting to see either the reproach she feared or the understanding she craved if she were to look into his eyes.

"I'm going to bed. You coming?" Deeks' voice was neutral but she still heard the edge he was trying to hide.

"In a little while," she replied softly, not able to force herself to face him. And when he turned to walk away, his footfalls softly retreating, Kensi resisted the urge to call back after him.

As much as she hated to admit it, despite the progress they'd made over the last few weeks old habits had a nasty tendency to stay with her. And this latest reminder of her slip, of her mistake, just brought up old feelings of inadequacy and failure. Making mistakes was not something she did. And she hated the idea of disappointing Callen, Sam, Hetty or Deeks.

She couldn't change the past. And as much as she wanted to let it go, she couldn't do that either. But it was easy to blame herself.

* * *

><p>Days later it was almost the weekend and Deeks sat out on the ocean on his board. In theory he was waiting for some decent waves while in actuality he was watching Kensi. Watching and worrying.<p>

Since Eric's visit Tuesday night she'd been distant. Never when they were playing their parts as their aliases. She was always on the ball, overly affectionate and perfectly in tune as the fun loving and obliviously carefree Kensi Sullivan.

Every other time when they were alone she pulled away from him. Emotionally and physically there was an uncomfortable chasm between them. They still spoke but the closeness they'd shared had faded. She hadn't kissed him for days. At night she laid on her side of the bed away from him.

And it was killing him to think he might have lost her, lost what they'd gained. If he'd thought before it was impossible to go back to merely being partners and friends, this distance between them confirmed it. He thought back to the thrill he'd seen in her eyes at his gesture on Tuesday, at how she'd been shyly pleased at the flowers he'd sent her. He couldn't stand the thought that he might not see her look at him like that again.

But he just wasn't sure how to reach her. He was pretty sure Kensi was blaming herself for the possible difficulties their undercover assignment was causing NCIS. It was easier for him to accept that she thought she'd made a mistake, just as it was easier for him to forgive and let it go.

Deeks was accustomed to making mistakes. He couldn't forgive himself easily, but forgiving Kensi was as easy as breathing. Especially when he couldn't be sorry for whatever mistakes she thought she'd made. But he also understood that Kensi probably wouldn't believe him if he offered an outright and out-of-the-blue apology. So he'd been trying to find a way to talk about it but had failed in every attempt that week.

He was shouldering his own guilt too. Knowing that Director Vance had been grilling Hetty about his undercover assignment and that she was having to justify the involvement of two of her staff didn't sit well with him. He'd also made mistakes that brought them to where they were. Not that he wanted to endure it, but he fully felt he deserved whatever dressing down Hetty might be stowing away to give him later. If it meant ultimately he wouldn't lose her trust and respect he would happily endure it. And he hoped it wouldn't jeopardize his placement as an NCIS agent.

Kensi had been distant the last couple of days, but he knew he hadn't helped the situation any. He kept thinking back to the night in the club when he'd allowed his personal feelings to cloud his judgment. Although he wasn't sorry for what had happened, he resolutely decided he couldn't allow such a slip up again.

Mike paddled up next to him, giving him a lopsided grin. "You just going to sit out here all afternoon or what?"

"Just thinking, no big deal."

The other man shrugged. "By the way, I know Jesse mentioned our Vegas trip next week. I hate to say it, but I don't know if it's a great idea for you to come. This is kind of Derek's thing. His brother is coming from back east and they haven't seen each other in awhile—"

Deeks held up his hand in understanding. "Say no more. I've got plenty of work to do on the malware programming so it's no big deal."

Mike nodded, looking relieved that he'd taken the news so well and he paddled past Deeks to a break a little further out. Deeks sat awhile longer, watching Kensi on the beach.

Despite the urging from Jesse and Mike, Kensi had opted to stay on the beach that afternoon, with a book and Monty to keep her company. He recognized the distance for what it was, Kensi trying to regroup, trying to find her footing. And he tried to respect that, even as it was harder than ever before to give her the space she needed.

Turning back towards the ocean with an impatient sigh, Deeks rode a few more waves, finishing one close to the shore and glancing towards Kensi as he often did, verifying she was there like a touchstone.

What he saw made his eyes widen and his heart hammer with the rush of adrenaline. Kensi stood, her back to him and Jesse next to her. But it was the third figure next to her that had him rushing towards the shore.

Nell stood next to Kensi, her fire red hair shining in the sun like a flame.


	15. Chapter 15

**Please see previous chapters for rating, disclaimer,** etc.  
><strong>Note:<strong> Looks like success on remotely accessing and posting while on vacation! Sorry if my forewarning last week concerned anyone, I just didn't want to leave this hanging without explanation if I didn't have luck in posting. Thank you for all the supportive reviews and interest in this story, it's lovely that people take the time to read. Thanks again to my beta, **MioneAlterEgo **who, more often than not, is crucial in helping assure me I'm on a believable path. The reactions to the cliffhanger with Nell were quite fun to see and I'll just say it sees some resolution here, but not 100%. And I'm taking some liberties with Kensi's backstory here but considering what we know, it's as possible (though probably not likely) as whatever they eventually tell us. Big chapter ahead, both in terms of size and what happens! Thanks for reading and Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate!

* * *

><p>Kensi was finding it increasingly difficult to attempt to read her book. She could feel Deeks watching her from the water, had felt him watching her all week. And it was driving her crazy.<p>

She wasn't sure if he was holding back from saying something because he didn't want to confront her, didn't want to hurt her feelings, or just didn't want to talk about it. And that infuriated her because of all the things she thought they'd made progress on since starting their undercover assignment, the one thing she thought they'd started to hesitantly do better at was talking to each other about what was bothering them.

She knew she bore some of the brunt of the blame in this case. She was worried that he hadn't approached her, but she could have opened up to him. But that was a first step and a scary and vulnerable step that she was suddenly cautious to make. And that feeling aggravated her too, because she'd never been a hesitant person before. Except sometimes with Deeks. He made her nervous and uncertain, worried and concerned in ways she wasn't familiar feeling.

Sighing, she tried to read the page of her book again, her eyes scanning over the words but not really taking them in. Next to her Monty whined quietly and wagged his tail, throwing sand onto her towel. She reached over, patting him absentmindedly until he whined again. Curious, Kensi looked at the dog, seeing that his eyes were trained on something past her. Kensi followed his line of sight and saw with shock that Nell was only a few feet away, clearly making her way towards her.

Dropping her book quickly Kensi stood, immediately on guard as her eyes swept around the beach, finishing her scan to look out on the ocean for Deeks. She saw him surfing a wave, oblivious to what was going on. A thousand different thoughts crashed through her mind as Nell crossed the last few feet to her, coming to a breathless stop.

"Nell, what the hell are you doing here?" she whispered urgently.

"We had no choice. We've been trying to call all afternoon. But neither you or Deeks answered."

Puzzled, Kensi reached down and picked up her phone, seeing instantly that her phone had stopped working. Turning back to Nell she leaned in close to the shorter woman.

"What in the world could possibly be so important that they had to send you out here?" Kensi asked, fearful of what the answer could possibly be. It had to be something huge to risk breaking her cover. And although Nell was field trained, she wouldn't normally be the first choice to send out in the middle of an undercover assignment. If Nell was sent it was because Callen and Sam were unavailable.

As if reading her mind, Nell quickly filled in the blanks. "The rest of OSP is occupied with a pretty sensitive operation right now. Hetty has been downtown and out of touch all day and most of this week in meetings with Director Vance. This morning we got a demand from the Secretary of the Navy to contact you immediately. Eric and I tried to hold them off but we just couldn't anymore, not without Hetty to intervene. This seemed like the best idea at the time."

Reading the worry in Nell's eyes Kensi reached out to squeeze her shoulder, giving her a reassuring smile. "Okay, we'll get the details later. But why does the Sec Nav want to talk to me?"

"The demand came from a General Keppinger. Something about a family member in the hospital."

Kensi felt the blood rush from her face at the words, her mind instantly scattering of thoughts. Suddenly she was fifteen again, heartbroken and alone in the world, lost in grief and confusion about the injustice in the world that took her father away. And then she was twenty, flush and full of affection and love for Jack, and defiant in the way only the truly young and naïve could be. Then she was twenty-two, her heart fractured and searching for answers, blaming herself and looking for some kind of meaning to help her move on. And finally, she was twenty-four, proud and defiant against disapproval, strongly convicted that her choices for her life and career were the right ones.

In the blink of an eye the memories flitted through her mind. It had been four years but somehow all the emotions were still fresh, still raw with unfinished arguments and missed opportunities. Tears sprung to her eyes and she crossed her arms over her chest, as if trying to hold herself together with her physical strength alone.

"Diane? Is it Diane who's in the hospital? Nell, is she okay?" Kensi asked worriedly. Nell was about to answer when movement behind Kensi seemed to catch her eye and then suddenly she fell silent, her eyes widening fearfully.

"Hey, Kensi, is everything okay? Who's this?"

Kensi shut her eyes against the wave of panic that washed over her at Jesse's voice behind her. She breathed deeply, pushing down the anxiety and counting to five in her head very quickly in an attempt to calm her racing heart. Gathering her strength and thoughts, Kensi instantly formed a plan in her mind, hoping it would be for the best. She turned to face Jesse, not having any difficulty feigning the worry on her face.

"Jesse, this is my cousin, Nell. Nell, this is Jesse, one of Marty's friends."

Nell smiled uneasily at the young surfer while his eyes passed over her curiously and with appreciative interest. Kensi shoved worry at that thought away. She had more immediate concerns at the moment than Jesse's instant crush on Nell. Such as explaining what Jesse might have overhead and getting Nell out of his line of sight.

Jesse shook Nell's hand with a friendly smile, then turned his concerned eyes back to Kensi. "You said something about someone in the hospital?"

"Yeah, Nell tried to call me but my phone wasn't working. We have an aunt in San Diego and she's in the hospital."

Jesse's brow furrowed with concern and he opened his mouth to question further when Deeks rushed up to Kensi's side, his expression more than a little panicked as his eyes darted from her to Nell to Jesse. Kensi locked her eyes with his and rested a palm flat on his chest as if she could slow down his racing heart.

"Marty, you remember my cousin Nell," she said quickly, knowing he would catch on quickly. At his quick nod she continued. "Our aunt is in the hospital. I'm going to need to go with Nell to figure out what's going on."

"I'm coming with you," Deeks said hurriedly. Kensi felt the fear inside her bubbling to the surface, powerless to stop it. At the forefront of her mind she was worried about what was happening and how it would affect their undercover assignment. But she knew deep down her fear was about so much more than that. There were things about her life, about her past, that he was bound to learn if he came with her. And she just wasn't sure she was ready for Deeks to know about this particular part of her history.

She shook her head quickly. "No, I don't think that's a good idea. Nell and I need to go and see what's going on with our aunt. You stay here, there isn't anything you could do anyway."

Kensi internally flinched as she realized how callous her words sounded. And she didn't miss the surprise that flashed over Deeks' face or how he narrowed his eyes. But she couldn't do anything about that right now. She had to get Nell away and she had to minimize Nell's and Deeks' exposure to another part of her life that was causing further complications in his undercover assignment.

She leaned down, quickly gathering her things, scratching Monty behind his ears before she straightened up. Involuntarily she reached for Deeks, more relieved than she could imagine when he didn't pull back from her but allowed her to slide her arms around his shoulders in a tight hug. She squeezed him close, trying to think of the right words to say while her mind was blank. So she kept silent, pulling reluctantly back, his concerned eyes nearly undoing her resolve to keep him away from what was happening.

"You'll let me know what's going on?" Deeks questioned quietly, his eyes piercing hers. Kensi nodded quickly, then stepped out of his embrace, failing miserably at trying to ignore how his fingers lingered hesitantly at her waist. It bothered her that her actions had made him tentative with her. Nodding to Nell, she waved at Jesse, then followed the younger woman towards the parking lot.

When they arrived at their cars Kensi leaned over to whisper to Nell. "Watch for anyone following you. I'll take an indirect route to make sure I don't have a tail and meet you at OSP in twenty minutes."

Nell nodded carefully and got in her car and pulled away. Kensi stowed her bag and before she could convince herself not to, turned back towards the beach. Deeks was staring at her, watching her with concern and caring she couldn't see outlined on his face but she knew was there. Swallowing past the lump in her throat she allowed herself to look at him for a few more seconds before she got in her car and drove away.

Because she wasn't sure when she would see him again. And that thought, almost as strongly as the conviction she felt to keep him far away from this latest development, wasn't one she could face.

* * *

><p>Deeks watched Kensi pull away from the beach, unable to shake the nagging feeling that something bigger than she'd admitted was wrong. And he hadn't missed how rattled she'd been by whatever information Nell had relayed. That by itself concerned him. Kensi wasn't easily shaken so whatever it was had to be big.<p>

And he was worried about Nell. He had no idea why she'd shown up at the beach and the implications of her appearance concerned him. It meant operations at NCIS were not running normally. He tried to tell himself that whatever was happening there he couldn't help. His priority was his undercover assignment. But it was hard to ignore the pang of worry over his friends, over the only family he'd come to feel he had.

"Marty, why didn't you tell me Kensi has such a pretty cousin?"

Deeks turned to Jesse, not thrilled with the enamored tone he heard in his voice.

"I've only met her once in passing. She might even be married or something, I don't know," Deeks kept his voice casual, wanting to dismiss Nell as an option as much as possible.

"Nope, no ring. I checked."

Deeks forced a laugh, shaking his head in amusement. "Dude, you are such a girl. I'm sure she's nice enough but I doubt she'll be coming around again."

Jesse turned pleading green eyes to him. If not for the complexities of who Nell was Deeks might have felt sorry for the younger man. "Come on, can't you work some magic with Kensi? Get her to bring her back someday?"

"Man, their aunt is in the hospital. Give it a rest."

Jesse held up his hands in surrender. "Alright, I will for now. Don't think this discussion is closed though."

Deeks heard the friendly tone in Jesse's voice and he had no reason to think there was anything more complicated or devious in the man's mind other than his distraction with a pretty woman. But even as he watched Jesse casually run back towards the ocean, he worried.

Something about Kensi's goodbye needled at him. It'd been a rough week between them and a part of him wondered if he should chalk his feeling up to that. Even when they hadn't always gotten along as partners they'd still been in tune with each other. The last week they'd been keeping their distance from each other and Deeks had finally reached the end of his patience.

Whatever they'd begun to have between them beyond their partnership and beyond their fake undercover relationship wasn't something he could really label. But he wasn't willing to just let it go or be shut out without explanation.

His resolve set, Deeks picked up his surfboard, whistling to Monty to follow and leaving the beach for his apartment.

* * *

><p>Her nerves making her jittery, Kensi pulled into a parking space at OSP twenty minutes after leaving the beach, satisfied she hadn't been followed and anxious to get inside and figure out what had happened.<p>

OSP was quiet when she entered, most of the staff apparently otherwise occupied. Whatever mission that kept Callen and Sam away appeared to still be in play since their desks were empty. Glancing over at Hetty's desk Kensi saw the small woman on the phone, her arms gesturing angrily and her voice raising with each sentence.

Hetty's eyes rested on her and her mouth tightened in a way that chased a chill down Kensi's spine. Without a second glance Hetty turned around, continuing her conversation on the phone. Kensi watched her and worried. In the time it had taken Nell to come to get her Hetty had clearly gotten back and heard what happened. And it was obvious she wasn't happy about it.

Kensi was contemplating going upstairs to Ops to check in with Eric and make sure Nell hadn't had any problems when she heard Hetty hang up the phone. Not believing in delaying the inevitable, she quickly crossed the open space to Hetty's desk, meeting the fury filled eyes of her superior.

"Ms. Blye, you are safe and well?" Hetty asked, her voice clipped but also concerned. Kensi nodded quickly. "And Mr. Deeks?"

With a pang she thought of how she'd left Deeks with barely an explanation and more than a few questions. "He's fine. He's back in Venice at the beach where Nell found me."

"And your covers?"

Kensi took a deep breath, knowing she needed to be truthful. "I believe they are still intact. One of the suspects saw Nell and approached before we could leave so I said she was my cousin and we had an aunt in the hospital."

Hetty shook her head in displeasure and Kensi waited for her to speak, the pit of dread in her stomach deepening.

"This is not how undercover operations should happen. Interference from above is always a recipe for disaster," Hetty sighed regretfully and Kensi waited impatiently for her to elaborate. "Ms. Jones informed you that the demand to contact you came from the Secretary of the Navy?"

"Yes, Nell said it was routed through the Sec Nav by General Keppinger," Kensi paused, taking a deep and shaky breath. "Hetty, what's going on? Have you found out what happened, if something's happened to Diane or Cody?"

Kensi didn't bother explaining her question, knowing that Hetty had access to all her records and would know who she was asking about. Hetty shook her head slowly.

"All I know is that General Keppinger tried to contact you through the normal chain and when he couldn't immediately reach you he ran his request straight to the top. Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna are involved in a mission overseas and I was out of communication downtown earlier today as I was meeting with Department of Defense officials. Mr. Beale and Ms. Jones were monitoring the various communications here and received the request from the Sec Nav. They tried to stall as long as possible but these are not men used to being put off."

Hetty sighed, running a hand over her tired eyes. "It isn't their fault and they made the best decision they could under the circumstances. Mr. Beale needed to stay here to monitor Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna so Ms. Jones went in hopes of being able to covertly make contact with you. I just got off the phone with Director Vance and the Sec Nav wherein I expressed my displeasure over their interference with our undercover operations."

Kensi didn't correct Hetty that the operation was really LAPD's, in part because although the jurisdiction might not be theirs, there was no question that Deeks was one of them.

"Apparently the General is a very demanding man. And as one of the highest ranking officers in the Marine Corps stationed in Afghanistan he is not used to being kept waiting."

Shaking her head at the sad and somewhat bittersweet memories, Kensi thought back and couldn't stop the small smile that pulled at her mouth. "No, he never was used to waiting. So what happens now? Am I going to get a call from him and find out what was so important that he demanded to speak with me?"

"Communications from Afghanistan are sketchy at the moment. We are expecting to hear something soon. I'll go and check with Mr. Beale and Ms. Jones. I believe they've had enough harassing today from the chain of command but since the damage is done we might as well get some answers."

Hetty turned to leave but stopped a few feet away from her desk, turning curious eyes back to Kensi. "How long has it been since you spoke with the General?"

Kensi swallowed with difficulty, painful memories rising easily in her memory. "Almost five years. He didn't take my decision to join NCIS well."

Hetty looked at her thoughtfully and Kensi returned her measured gaze, praying Hetty wouldn't press her further. As if sensing her reluctance Hetty nodded tiredly and climbed the stairs to Ops. Kensi watched her go, reasoning that they would call her when she was needed. Feeling worried and tired from the adrenaline high of the last hour Kensi walked outside OSP, sitting at the ledge around the water fountain just outside the main entrance doors.

Pulling her dead phone from her pocket she wished more than anything that she could talk to Deeks. But this latest development, another mistake that she couldn't help but feel she'd brought on, just convinced her further that distance between them was what they needed. Both for the success of his undercover assignment and because she really didn't know how to explain this part of her past to him. She could admit the facts and history were simple enough. But opening up to him and sharing a very painful part of her past wasn't something she was sure she was ready for.

The sound of approaching footsteps caught her attention and she looked up, stunned to see Deeks approaching her from the parking area. She felt panicked at him being there, worried for his cover but fearful for herself too. Fearful for the secrets she was scared to share. And she couldn't reconcile the part of her that wanted him by her side with the part of her that wanted to push him far, far away. Unable to cope, she fell back on the easiest reaction: anger and annoyance.

"Deeks, what the hell are you doing here?"

Her use of his last name brought him up short. And it surprised both of them, though she tamped it down and hid it swiftly under her anger. She felt his measured gaze on her and the shift in his blue eyes to something hard and unyielding made her briefly wonder if she'd just broken something fragile between them. Her thoughts spiraled closely towards despair and she wished instantly she could take the words back. But apologetic regret wasn't something she'd ever done well.

"I'm here to check on you and see what's going on."

"You shouldn't be here, it's too dangerous."

"Give me a break, Kensi. I know how to make sure I wasn't followed," Deeks replied, his voice giving way to annoyance at her caustic tone.

"You don't need to be here." As his expression settled into tenacious resolve she ploughed on, using the words she knew would cause the most damage. "I don't want you here. This has nothing to do with you. I don't need you to be here."

She wasn't sure how she managed to choke the lies out with a measured and even voice. Her heart physically ached at the shock that widened Deeks' eyes and the wounded bend of his shoulders, almost as if she'd given him the weight of her anger and unhappiness as a burden she was forcing him to bear. She remembered back to just a week ago when he'd been so certain that she would never intentionally hurt him. So certain that his faith in her had been swift and solid. And at the time she'd thought she would never intentionally hurt him, she'd thought she was a worthy guard over his heart. Now she wasn't so sure and it just made her hate herself a little more to know she couldn't even live up to his faithful expectations of her.

The silence stretched on long and awkward and Kensi forced herself not to look away from him, to take in the hurt she'd caused as her punishment. Deeks looked away from her, his eyes closed as he seemed to try and collect himself, his jaw tightening with what she could only assume was anger and disgust at her.

She'd irrevocably damaged the one good and pure thing in her life, the one man she'd known she could depend on. She could barely breathe under the weighted anguish of her thoughts.

Feeling the sting of tears in her eyes she ruthlessly dismissed the emotional swell of despair. Even though the thought made her nearly sick with fear, she deserved whatever loathing Deeks probably had for her now. And she hated herself for it.

Her penchant for self-sabotage wasn't new. And she hated that she couldn't seem to break old habits, even when she was well aware of them. The consequences had always been the same. She sabotaged, pushed people away before they could leave her, and then she distanced herself or ran. In the past she'd tried to convince herself it was just starting over, turning over to a new page of her life. But she couldn't imagine closing the book on Deeks, even though she was at a loss about how to avoid doing that.

Worst case scenarios were already running wildly and irrationally through her head. Once this latest development with General Keppinger was resolved she would need to leave Los Angeles. She'd probably managed to sabotage her career with NCIS enough that expecting a transfer somewhere else would be impossible. But she couldn't stay, not in the city where so much had come to remind her of Deeks. Even ordinary things like coffee shops, the beach and waffle houses would always bring him to mind first. And she couldn't stand for him to look at her with the distrust and aversion she deserved.

So while her heart ached and thumped with regret she almost missed the wry smile on Deeks' face. Behind the deep blue and green tinge of his eyes she saw the lingering hurt. But over that was awareness and confidence that she hadn't been expecting.

"You told me once you were afraid of losing me. And I told you there was nothing anyone could do that would make me willingly leave you. Did you really think it was going to be that easy to make me go away?" Deeks took a few steps towards her, invading her personal space like she would allow no one else to and he reached out to cup her face in his hands. "I told you, Kens, I'm not going anywhere. Even if it's you trying to push me away."

His words, full of conviction and strength she didn't deserve, softened along with his fingers as they stroked her face, sinking into her hair and forcing her to look at him. And then she choked, taking a deep breath to try and force down the sobs that threatened to burst from her chest.

"Why?"

Kensi managed to croak the word out as a tear escaped from the corner of her eye. Deeks rubbed his thumb under her eye and across her cheek, feather light against her skin as he caught the moisture.

"'Why,' what?"

"Why do you even bother with me? I do horrible things to you, there are things you don't know about me. Unforgiveable things," Kensi whispered, fearful conviction of her self-deserved hatred still strong in her mind. Deeks smiled softly at her, his eyes warm as they drifted over her face.

"Because there's nothing you could do that I wouldn't understand or forgive. Because I know you, Kensi. I know you blame yourself when other people, circumstances or just shitty luck is to blame. And I know you feel like you can't forgive yourself for whatever this is that you're too scared to tell me. But that's what people who love you do, they forgive you even when you think you can't forgive yourself."

Kensi's breath caught in her throat, hearing the allusion even without the flat out declaration. And while the implication was more than she'd ever expected to have gifted to her ever again, she should have known Deeks never did what she expected when he continued on, his voice as steady and strong as she'd ever heard.

"I love you. Maybe you don't believe that or feel like you can't. But belief is one thing, knowing something deep down is true is another. And I think you know it, you know what I'm saying is true. Hold on to that, know that I love you and I'm not going anywhere."

It was less like a dam breaking and more like the tide was turning. Turning in a way she never could have thought possible.

He loved her.

One of the few things Kensi remembered of her mother was how she'd said you could tell a lot about a person by who loved them. If someone good loved you then that said something good about you. And with his humor, playfulness, and intelligence, his strong moral center, his need to help people and his unwillingness to never give up on her, Kensi couldn't imagine anyone better than Deeks.

Not expecting anything back from her and so strong in his convictions, Deeks just smiled at her and after a moment of her stunned silence, pulled her against his chest in a protective and comforting hug. Held tight against his warm body, his soothing and familiar smell filling her nose, she became aware of how she was shaking, her hands trembling where they were tucked between their bodies. Trying to still the movement she reached around, circling his waist and pressing her palms against his lower back.

The trembling continued and Deeks hugged her closer, murmuring nonsense words in her ear while his hands alternated stroking her hair and back. Kensi permitted herself to enjoy the comfort of his touch for a few minutes, allowed herself the indulgence of his acceptance before she pulled away, needing to establish some control over herself, over her emotions.

Deeks wouldn't let her go entirely, his fingers sliding down her arms to find her fingers to link with his. And he wouldn't look anywhere but at her, the deep blue of his eyes drawing her in and making her want to tell him things she hadn't told anyone. It had been her burden to carry and she felt unbalanced at the idea of allowing someone else to share the load.

Tugging her gently next to him, Deeks sat on the ledge surrounding the fountain. She sat next to him, her hand going to rest on his thigh while his arm went around her shoulders.

"Whatever it is, you don't have to tell me. But you don't get to force me away. I won't go that easily, you should know that about me," Deeks chided her quietly. Kensi felt the easy smile spread across her face.

"I do know that about you. I don't mean to say and do these horrible things to you. I put up these walls to keep people away while equal parts hoping someone will take the trouble to try and scale them and worried someone will. And then you come along and just crash right through the wall," Kensi replied, her tone a mixture of amazement and admonishment. Deeks gave her a lopsided grin.

"I knew one day you'd come to appreciate the things about me that annoyed you," he said proudly, to which she could only shake her head, unable to disagree.

They sat quietly for several minutes and Kensi knew Deeks was waiting, letting her decide what she wanted to share. And Kensi watched him out of the corner of her eye, this side of Deeks a new and unfamiliar one. She was used to the pushing and prodding, even expected it. But his silence was actually more compelling. And she realized she wanted to trust him with her secrets, wanted her trust in him to be rewarded with his forgiveness and understanding.

"I told you when I was fifteen and my father was killed." At his answering nod, she continued. "His commanding officer and closest friend at Fort Sill was a man named Robert Keppinger. At the time he was a one star, a Brigadier General. My father and the General were very close, we spent a lot of time with them before his death. General Keppinger and his wife, Diane, had a son named Cody and he was a few years older than me. Although nothing was ever formally drawn up and I had no legal guardian, after my father died the General took me rather than forcing me into the foster care system. I spent the next three years with the Keppingers as my family."

Kensi smiled at the memories, allowing some of the happier times to be the first recollections that came to mind. "I could barely remember what my family had been like before my mom died when I was five. Cody was already away at the Army War College in Pennsylvania when we moved away from Fort Sill when I was sixteen. The General took a job at the Pentagon. The Keppingers had never had a daughter and I couldn't remember having two parents. I was so lucky to have Diane during that time when I was in high school."

Deeks watched her carefully and she could sense the questions forming in his mind. She gave him a sad smile. "I'm sure you're wondering what could have gone wrong and why I've ended up alone?"

"I suppose. They sound like wonderful people," Deeks said carefully.

"And they were, most of the time. But I was young and the General was also a very stubborn man not used to raising another man's daughter. I was eighteen when I met Jack. And I fell in love so hard, and so quickly. He distracted me in ways that made my head spin. Jack and I were engaged within a year and the General saw that I was putting aside my studies, putting aside my goals in order to be a Marine's wife. Even though he approved of Jack as a Marine, he couldn't approve of my choices."

Kensi paused again, thinking of the angry arguments and how she'd been so sure that nothing could ever change her relationship with Jack, and how she'd been so naïve in her convictions.

"I didn't want to listen and he didn't want to understand. Diane tried to intervene but we were both too stubborn. I was an adult and could make my own decisions but I know I hurt him with my rejection of his opinions. I think he felt an obligation to me as the daughter of his friend and when he couldn't do what he thought was right it felt too much like failure. He forbade Diane from keeping in contact with me and I couldn't forgive him for keeping her away from me. I was twenty when we stopped speaking. I stayed in D.C. for college and it was soon after that the General was stationed at Camp Pendleton and Jack was deployed to Iraq. Around the same time Cody was deployed to Baghdad as part of the early insurgence in 2002."

Kensi paused, thinking back to the long days and nights she'd spent alone in D.C., wanting and waiting for word from Jack and wishing she'd had Diane to talk to. Her mind wandered in memories for a few minutes, until Deeks took her hands, turning them over to press his thumbs soothingly against her palms and wrists. She marveled at how his touch could so easily focus her. Taking a deep breath she continued.

"Jack was gone for two years and when he came back he was a different man. I had a difficult time coping but I was determined to do everything I could to help him. It wasn't enough though, no matter what I did," Kensi said tearfully, not able to push the memories of the heartbreaking Christmas morning when she was only twenty-two. Her tears fell silently, caught be Deeks as he brushed his hands over her face. She read the distress in his eyes, how anguished he was to see her upset. And somehow that made the past pain a little easier to remember and bear. Because at least she wasn't alone anymore.

"That fall before Jack left I was so preoccupied with his treatments and trying to help him. Out of the blue I heard from Diane that Cody had been injured in Iraq. I knew she wanted me to come but would never ask. Just as I knew the General would never allow me to come but would also never forgive me for staying away," Kensi said, remembering the impossible place she'd found herself in. "And even though I did want to be there for them, I couldn't leave Jack at that time. I thought I was helping him but in the end he still left."

Deeks was shaking his head in amazement and he rubbed a hand over his jaw, his gaze turning to admiration as he searched her eyes with his.

"God, Kensi, all this when you were only twenty-two? You didn't have any good choices to make. This General sounds like he wasn't a very understanding person," Deeks observed.

Kensi shrugged. "I think you have to know him to understand. He's a proud man but he would also do anything for his family."

"But you were his family and he pushed you away," Deeks said gently.

"I know it's strange and probably doesn't make sense, but I understand why he did what he did. He wanted the best for me but the problem was that we didn't see eye-to-eye on what that was. I think the final straw was when I joined NCIS," Kensi grimaced at the memory.

"Why, what happened?"

"We hadn't spoken for a few years at that point. Cody recovered fully and he still called me and kept me up-to-date on his parents in between his assignments and overseas deployments. I didn't realize he was doing the same with them, telling them about me, until I answered my phone one day shortly after my recruitment and the General laid into me about putting myself in the line of fire and investigating Marines and Sailors like some kind of 'disloyal internal affairs' official. I think those were his exact words," Kensi continued, knowing she wasn't painting a kind picture of the General.

"Ok, this guy is sounding less and less great. I take back my earlier statement. Though I'm sure Diane was a wonderful person."

Kensi smiled fondly and nodded. "She was. She is. Diane is one of the kindest and most loving people I know. And she loves the General with a steadfast heart that can't be all wrong. And I was thinking about this earlier, something my mom said to me when I was a little girl. She said you can tell a lot about someone by who loves them. If someone good loves you then there must be something good about you."

Kensi's voice trailed off as she met Deeks' eyes with hers, hoping he understood what she was saying. She wanted to tell him he was the best person she knew and that she couldn't imagine feeling luckier that he could love her. The way his eyes softened and he smiled told her he understood. And she breathed a little easier, knowing that while she was still working up her courage to say out loud what she really felt, at least she could give him something small.

"The General had a certain view of NCIS that some Marines and Sailors share. But now, with several years and a little perspective I think I get that he was more angry at how I was putting myself in danger in his eyes. Just as he was more concerned about me throwing away my education to get married so young. He wanted the best for me but he didn't express it in the best ways. And I was much too stubborn to try and see that at the time," Kensi admitted. Deeks moved his hand to behind her neck, pressing and massaging gently at the base of her skull.

"We all do stupid things when we're young. I get why you did the things you did, but how is it so easy for you to look past what he did to you?" Deeks asked, genuinely curious. Kensi smiled at him slowly, leaning in close enough so that she could look deep into his eyes, her heart beating loudly in her ears.

"This wonderful man told me that people who love you forgive you. And I'm not saying it's easy but I'm trying to understand."

Deeks grinned back, looking a little embarrassed at her echoing his earlier words. "Touché, Kensi."

He turned his head and nuzzled his cheek against hers, leaving several warm kisses along her cheek and jaw before pulling back to give her a teasing grin. "Wonderful, huh?"

Kensi chuckled and couldn't resist rolling her eyes. "Okay, okay. Don't let your ego get too massively huge now."

"I'm not sure that's going to be possible. That just isn't the kind of compliment a guy gets used to hearing from his girl."

Kensi blushed at Deeks' use of the possessive when he referred to her. "Marty—"

"Ah, now that's more like it." At her puzzled look he continued. "I was a little worried when you called me Deeks again."

His relieved smile told her more than anything he could possibly say, that he was just as ready to move past their earlier clash.

"So why did Nell show up on the beach? And what's going on now?" Deeks asked curiously, sparing a quick glance to the empty and quiet offices before returning his gaze to her.

Remembering, Kensi quickly explained about her faulty phone and the events that had transpired to the point where she was waiting to hear from a very demanding four star general about what he wanted from her after years of silence. And Kensi felt her worry creep in closer, concern for Diane or possibly Cody at the edge of her mind. Not knowing what had happened was maddening.

Deeks was quiet for a minute after she explained but Kensi could sense the impending press of a question he wanted to ask. When he finally spoke, the hesitancy in his voice surprised her. Deeks had never been shy about prodding her for information in the past.

"Why didn't you want to tell me all that before? It sounds like a difficult period of time in your life, but nothing unforgivable."

Kensi thought for a moment, thought about her panic at telling Deeks about these particular secrets of hers. It wasn't even easy to try and understand in her head. But fear and panic weren't always rational. Rarely were, in fact.

She cleared her throat and looked down at her right hand, held securely in his. She squeezed her fingers tight around his and watched the tendons of his wrist stretch and his automatic and unthinking response to warmly squeeze back. She knew with sharply painful certainty and amazed awareness that the last time anyone had been as in tune with her she'd been fifteen.

"I made so many mistakes when I was younger. Nobody knew me better than my dad. He knew what I was thinking before I did. Losing him left this hole in my heart that I thought Jack filled so easily. Jack was wonderful but I was too young, we spent more of our time apart than together and we really didn't know each other all that well. And I couldn't help him, as much as I tried. When the Keppingers, when Diane and Cody, really needed me after Cody was injured I wasn't there for them. Cody never blamed me, he knew I was occupied with Jack. But I had this wonderful family, a wonderfully flawed family, and I let it go. I'm not used to making mistakes and I didn't want you to see me that way," Kensi replied, keeping her eyes fixed on Deeks' chest, unwilling to look him in the eye. His sigh caught her attention and she finally looked at him, not sure what to make of the exasperation on his face.

"Kensi, I'm not saying that wasn't a difficult time in your life, but nothing you've told me could possibly make me look at you different. Mistakes are part of being young and stupid. Or, as in my case, just being stupid."

Kensi glanced at Deeks sharply, hearing the humor in his voice but also catching the edge to his tone. She knew self-deprecation was a part of who he was but she found it bothered her that he put himself down. She knew there was more going on beneath the surface, more he hadn't told her, and she opened her mouth to push when Deeks beat her to it, giving her a suffering and yet pleading lopsided grin.

"So you were going to break up with me over stuff that happened almost ten years ago? I think I'm insulted at your lack of faith in me."

Kensi sputtered and found she was able to laugh. "'Break up' with you? I didn't realize we were going steady."

As if realizing the presumption in what he'd said, Deeks quickly tried to cover. "Break up our partnership, that's what I meant. I wasn't trying to imply—" Deeks broke off when he saw the teasing grin on her face. "And now you're mocking me. That's awesome. Now I really am wounded."

Kensi laughed softly at his disgruntled expression and she leaned forward, kissing him lightly on the cheek. It was a heady feeling, this thing—whatever it was—between them. He made her dizzy in so many amazing, scary and wonderful ways. She pulled back just enough so she could look straight into his eyes but could still feel his breath on her face as he exhaled.

"You said you love me."

Kensi's quiet statement filled the silence between them. Deeks nodded slowly once, his eyes riveted firmly on hers. She saw the honesty in the blue depths of his eyes and she could see the truth of what he'd told her even without the words to convince her. But what really awed her, and even made her heart stutter a little, was that she could tell he didn't expect her to say the words back. He'd said he loved her without any hidden agenda or, she suspected, without feeling as though he was worthy of her loving him in the same way.

It didn't seem like enough to say the words. She felt them as strongly as she did her own heartbeat, as steady as his hand in hers and his warmth next to her. Not knowing when there might be another opportunity and recognizing deep down that he deserved to hear her tell him, she opened her mouth to speak—

"Ahem."

Kensi closed her eyes against the flash of disappointment she'd seen on Deeks' face and turned to face Hetty, who stood in the doorway to OSP, looking at them with open curiosity.

"Mr. Deeks, I'm not even going to ask what you're doing here. We'll deal with that later. We're finally getting a clear video communication from Afghanistan. If you'll come up to the Ops center," Hetty commanded, gesturing for them to follow her. Kensi stood, keeping her hand in Deeks' as he followed her up the stairs.

They entered Ops together and Kensi gave Eric and Nell, both looking a little harried and stressed, a warm and apologetic smile for all they'd had to deal with that day.

"Ms. Jones, Mr. Beale, I think we should let Ms. Blye have the room," Hetty stated, to which Nell and Eric immediately got up to leave. Eric showed her what to do to activate the video conference and then followed Nell and Hetty from the room. Deeks stayed and Kensi took strength in knowing it was never a question that he would stay with her.

Taking a deep breath Kensi activated the video conference link, feeling her heart pound heavily in her chest as the image of a dark room much like their Ops center with a man in a Marine combat uniform came into focus on the screen. And she felt her stomach drop as the face she wasn't expecting stared back at her, a tired smile beneath deep brown eyes.

"Kensi."

"Cody? What—why are you calling? Did something happen to your father? Please tell me he's okay," Kensi said hurriedly, her hand slipping to tighten around Deeks'. She was distracted enough that she almost missed how his arm went around her, his hand settling warm and soothing at the small of her back. But she couldn't miss the surge of comfort it brought her.

From a distance of more than 7,600 miles and twelve hours, Cody Keppinger quickly leaned towards the camera, shaking his head quickly. "No, dad's fine, Kensi. It's nice of you to worry, considering."

"'Considering'? Of course I worry about him," Kensi said, unable to stop herself from being slightly affronted. Cody sighed, running a hand over his short light brown hair.

"I know, sorry. Dad's perfectly okay, in fact I spoke with him not thirty minutes ago."

Stung, Kensi had to stop herself from physically reeling back. "You spoke with him? He made demands to the Secretary of the Navy that I be pulled out of a deep undercover assignment and he couldn't even make himself available to talk to me?"

Her words were sharp and Deeks reached out a hand to place it on her shoulder by her neck. She practically vibrated with anger but the touch of his hand on her skin momentarily calmed her. It caught Cody's attention too as his gaze shifted to the intimate touch.

"And who might this be?" Cody asked, the concern lifting from his eyes to be briefly replaced with curiosity. Kensi looked at Deeks, shooting him an apologetic smile before she gestured to Cody on the screen and then to Deeks.

"I'm sorry, both of you. Cody, this is Detective Marty Deeks with the LAPD. Marty, this is Major Cody Keppinger with the Marine Corps. Cody's stationed in Kabul with the 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment. Marty's my—" Kensi paused, suddenly at a loss as to how to describe Deeks. "Co-worker" or "friend" seemed entirely too simplistic and she was leery of the other possible relationship labels. So she went with the one description that would always be true. "He's my partner."

Kensi turned back to face Cody, seeing the obvious interest in his eyes. "What in the world is an NCIS agent doing partnered with an LAPD detective?"

"Marty works undercover and he's the best at what he does. NCIS specializes in undercover missions here and we needed a liaison with the LAPD so our two departments would stop tripping over each other in the course of criminal investigations involving active Navy and Marines," Kensi explained. Cody glanced at Deeks, catching his eye.

"And how did you get picked for such a position? I don't imagine the Navy looks too kindly on interlopers."

"Neither does the LAPD, as far as troublesome undercover cops go," Deeks replied with a lopsided grin. He glanced at Kensi, remembering back to that day in the gym when they'd met. "I was undercover investigating a drug ring and Kensi was investigating the murder of a Marine."

Cody chuckled as he glanced between Kensi and Deeks. "I'll bet that's a fun story."

Kensi gave Deeks another quick smile before she turned her attention back to Cody. "It is a pretty good one, which I'd be happy to fill you in on later. But Cody, please tell me what's going on."

As if just remembering, the worry returned to Cody's face and he rubbed a hand over his jaw tiredly. "Dad got a call earlier this morning, I guess your afternoon, that mom was going to the hospital. She's had a heart attack. We don't know anything else really, except that she's been admitted, is under observation and is in somewhat stable condition."

Kensi took a quick, sharp breath, feeling a little lightheaded at Cody's words. Deeks' hand on her waist and his fingers curling around her side steadied her.

"Neither of us can leave Afghanistan for several days. There's nobody else, Kensi. You know dad, he heard mom was in the hospital and he panicked. He couldn't get through to the hospital to get answers and he did what he thought he needed to in order to find out what was going on. He knew you were in Los Angeles so he tried to get in touch with you through the main NCIS office but he got as far as finding out you weren't available and then he just moved up the chain. Problem is that when a four star General panics he can practically move mountains. I didn't hear that he'd demanded through the Sec Nav that you be called in until thirty minutes ago," Cody looked distressed and unhappy. "As soon as he told me that I tried to explain to him that your job keeps you out of pocket frequently and he was endangering you by doing what he did. I know it isn't a good excuse, but he was honestly horrified, Kensi."

Kensi nodded slowly, looking at Deeks, who simply starred back at her. It wasn't just about endangering her. Deeks' safety, and now potentially Nell's, had also been put at risk. Not intentionally, but it had happened all the same. Sighing, she turned back to Cody, not able to hide the hurt tone of her voice.

"If he was so horrified, why couldn't he even bother to speak to me himself?"

"God, I hate making excuses for him. It just sounds like I'm justifying his actions and I'm furious at him too, Kensi," Cody replied, frustration bleeding through his voice. "I think he's scared to face you. So much time has passed and nothing would probably make him happier than getting past the problems you two have had. He just doesn't know how."

Kensi nodded tiredly, still unhappy and hurt but also a part of her understanding. She'd already lost one father and even though the General wasn't her father, he cared about her as much as he could. His actions might have been mistakes but she was the last person who should judge making mistakes based on emotional reactions.

"Okay, what does he want me to do?"

"I know it's a lot to ask, but could you go to San Diego and check on mom? Make sure she's okay, hopefully get her home until one of us can get there?"

Kensi felt her stomach drop and she immediately felt torn. Unable to meet Cody's eyes, she stared down at her feet, bare and wearing flip flops from the beach. The bright pink toenail polish, perfectly girly enough for Kensi Sullivan, was a vivid reminder of where her responsibilities were. She knew she was going to have to say no, and that once again she would be letting this family down by not being there.

"She'll go."

Shocked, Kensi raised her head to look at Deeks after he spoke. Angry that he would speak for her, and worry about all the implications to their undercover assignment swirling in her head, she narrowed her eyes at Deeks.

"I can't go, not in the middle of our assignment. What makes you think you can make that kind of decision for me?"

Deeks met her enraged gaze calmly, his voice level as he replied. "We'll figure out the details. I don't see why you can't go. The guys think you have a relative in the hospital anyway. It'll just be a few days and you'll be back. You can't tell me you wouldn't feel better going to check on Diane. I know you want to be there for her. And I'll go with you."

Kensi shot him an annoyed glance, not appreciating that he was using his knowledge of her past guilt to persuade her. But beyond her irritation she knew he was right. She did want to be there. But not at the cost of their assignment or anyone's safety.

"Kensi, your cover is still intact. This assignment isn't going to come to a head for awhile yet. Family's important, Kens."

She met his eyes, unguardedly gentle and full of longing. It pained her to know that Deeks wished for something he'd never seemed to have had. She wanted to show him and explain to him that the concept of family wasn't always easy. But she didn't have time and he was right, family was important. Which was why she would protect her family, starting with him.

"There's no way you're going with me. It's way too important that you not break cover." When Deeks frowned and looked as though he might counter her statement she held up a hand to stop him. "I'm not going to argue with you about this. I'll go, but you stay here."

Deeks looked unhappy at the prospect and she could tell he wasn't going to let it go. Placing a hand on his chest, she applied gentle pressure, and lowered her voice softly. "Please, Marty."

After a long moment the argumentative set of his face melted away and Deeks nodded reluctantly. As if just remembering they still had an audience, Kensi turned back to the screen and found Cody watching them with deep interest. Kensi tried to resist blushing but she couldn't imagine a way to try and explain away how close she was standing to Deeks, or the obvious intimacy of their body language.

"Partners, huh?" Cody teased, an eyebrow raised skeptically. Kensi sighed but didn't step away from Deeks, even though the side of her uncomfortable with sharing pieces of her personal life with anyone other than Deeks made her want to keep some parts of her life private.

"Can it, Keppinger," she said sharply, to which Cody held up a hand in mock surrender, the grin on his face telling her he wasn't going to let it go forever. Kensi sighed and rubbed her forehead, thinking ahead. "Okay, provided I can get clearance from our boss I'll drive to San Diego this afternoon. What do I need to know?"

"Mom was taken to the UC San Diego Thornton Hospital near La Jolla and not too far from Miramar. Once you get there head to the ER and they should be able to direct you. You can stay at their house in La Jolla while you're there. Dad or I should be able to catch a transport out in a few days so you can get back to Los Angeles as quickly as possible," Cody replied, relief clear in his voice.

Kensi and Cody exchanged information on how to get in touch. Cody smiled at her gratefully, his eyes passing over Deeks as well. "Thank you. Thanks to both of you. I know the timing of this sucks. But I'm grateful. Dad is too."

Kensi felt a sad pang at his words, wishing still that she didn't feel the unhappiness and uncertainty about the General. But she shoved that aside, reasoning that Diane needed her now. The rest was history and would have to wait to be resolved, if it ever could.

Saying goodbye, Kensi ended the teleconference, letting the room fall to silence. She leaned against the center console, feeling her knees unsteady under her and needing the rest her weight against something solid. So when Deeks pulled her close, folding her against his chest and surrounding her with his warmth and strength, she closed her eyes in gratitude. Everything else might be a mess but knowing she had the safety and warmth of him to hold her up, she could let go. At least a little.

"It sounded like she's okay. I know it's scary but you'll be able to get there soon and check for yourself," Deeks murmured in her ear, his hand drifting a slow path up and down her back. She allowed herself the quiet weakness of resting her head on his shoulder, tightening her arms around his shoulders and burrowing her face against his neck for just a minute before she stepped back, taking a deep strengthening breath.

"I know. Thank you," Kensi said with a warm smile. Deeks smiled back and leaned over to give her a quick kiss, his lips warm and reassuring. The kiss started out as merely comforting but somewhere along the way, between his lips touching hers and his beginning to pull back, it was as if their bodies remembered that they hadn't really kissed in almost a week.

Even though there had been the typical gestures between them as their undercover aliases, this moment was different. At the beginning of this assignment Kensi had worried about getting too used to Deeks' touch to the point that she would miss is when they had to go back to just being partners. Now she knew with absolute certainty that her fear had been accurate.

His mouth opened under hers as he dipped his head, bending her back ever so slightly as he tried to get closer. Kensi's hands drifted up his arms where they encircled her waist, her fingers reaching to tunnel into his unruly hair. She turned her head in an attempt to get closer and was rewarded with the warm touch of his tongue on hers. She breathed deeply through her nose where it was pressed against his cheek and then murmured in protest when Deeks pulled back, at least until he bent his head to her neck, his lips and tongue tracing a wet and heated path around to her collarbone. Every rational thought in her head had scattered but she still heard and clung to his deep voice near her ear.

"God, I missed you."

Kensi felt the unbidden blush rise over her chest and neck and almost wished she could make it fade away. Except it brought a satisfied and lazy grin to his face and Deeks followed the blush until his firm and insistent lips found the side of her neck where her pulse beat strongest and he kissed and lightly sucked on the spot until she was sure she would have a mark there. She thought she should probably be enraged at him branding her but it felt too good for her to muster the anger. She couldn't do anything but sigh quietly, her eyelids drifting closed under the pleasant warmth and weight of him gathering her close as his chin came to rest on her shoulder. She stroked his shoulders under her hands, feeling the muscles move under her fingers as he tightened his hold on her.

"I missed you too."

Deeks seemed to still momentarily, as if startled by her words but he covered his response quickly, pulling back a little to grin at her.

"I'd say let's never fight again, but I know that's a pipe dream."

His tone was mischievous and Kensi couldn't help but grin back. Things would probably never be completely smooth and easy between them; they were both a bit too independent and different in their personalities for that. But she'd come to think that was one of the reasons why they worked.

"So, we should probably get Hetty, Nell, and Eric back in here to strategize. If you're ready?" Deeks asked, his tone gentling as his eyes looked deep into hers, trying to read how she was feeling. She nodded quickly and he pulled away from her, going to call the others back into Ops.

Once Eric and Nell had settled back at their stations and Hetty stood in front of them, waiting patiently, Kensi crossed her arms over her chest and straightened her back.

"First, I'm very sorry for what happened today. Other than you all, General Keppinger, his wife and his son are the nearest thing I have left to a family. We haven't been close for years for several reasons but when the Diane, the General's wife, was taken to the hospital he pulled all sorts of strings to get a hold of me," Kensi paused, looking with regret at Nell. "I'm deeply sorry that you were pressured how you were, Nell. What's the damage control that needs to be done?"

Nell glanced at Eric, who typed away at his pad, bringing up several new records with Nell's face on them.

"As soon as Nell got back I got started on creating an alias for her as Mackenzie Sullivan's cousin. I've also created the paper and electronic records to reflect you both having an aunt in San Diego in the hospital. It won't withstand scrutiny if someone goes and physically checks things out but it'll generally hold water."

Hetty paced a slow circle in front of the screen and Kensi watched her closely, recognizing the troubled expression on her face when she finally turned to her agents and staff.

"I know that what transpired today was nobody's fault, not really. When family is endangered it is difficult to think clearly. But I will be discussing the appropriateness of these events with the Sec Nav and General Keppinger. For now we must complete damage control. Mr. Deeks, your assessment of the possible implications of your undercover?"

"I don't think it'll be a problem. Kensi covered well and she and Nell left before there were too many questions. Jesse Thompson was intrigued by Nell but there's no reason she'd ever be on his radar again. I can tell them Kensi has gone to help her aunt for a few days, that'll seem completely normal considering what happened. Once everything is okay with Diane, Kensi can come back and we can resume the undercover assignment."

Hetty nodded slowly, then turned to Kensi. "Ms. Blye, I assume you would like to go to San Diego to help Mrs. Keppinger?"

Kensi nodded quickly. "Yes, I would, Hetty. But if you feel it wouldn't be a good idea I won't go. My primary concern is still making sure Deeks is safe and that our undercover assignment is successful."

"Alright. Mr. Beale and Ms. Jones, please ensure that the records are as airtight as possible. Ms. Blye, you may take a short reprieve from your alias to go to San Diego. And Mr. Deeks—"

"Yeah, I know. Back to the beach."

Kensi saw the smile on Deeks' face at his words but she could hear the underlying unhappiness in his voice. She knew he wanted to come with her because she would have wanted to do the same if their positions were reversed.

Hetty dismissed them and Deeks went over to Eric to discuss the status of programming the malware on the laptop. With a deep breath Kensi went over to Nell, feeling uncomfortable and regretful at what the younger woman had had to endure. Nell looked up as she approached, her wide eyes curious. Kensi linked her fingers together, searching for the right words. She and Nell were friendly but not really close. But she admired how Nell had bravely done what she needed to that afternoon, and how she'd responded quickly on the beach.

"I really am sorry for what you got pulled into today. I would never want anything to happen to you as a result of my actions."

Nell tilted her head to one side, studying Kensi closely. "It's okay, Kensi. This is what we do here. All of us here, we're a team and you'd have done the same for me."

Kensi nodded slowly, realizing with certainty that Nell was right. There were risks and unknowns to all their jobs. The important part was looking out for one another. She shared another grateful smile with Nell and then turned to leave as Deeks walked over, placing a hand on her arm. He handed her back her alias' phone, which she'd given to Eric as he'd left Ops for her to make the teleconference call.

"Eric said the battery basically shorted out. Kind of a freak accident but good as new now." Kensi took the phone and pocketed it, going to say thanks and goodbye to Eric while Deeks exchanged reassurances and goodbyes with Nell before following her from Ops.

Having their orders from Hetty, Kensi followed Deeks out to the parking area, pulling the keys to her SUV she'd retrieved from her desk. Deeks followed her to her car and as she reached for the door to open it Kensi felt an overwhelming and unwelcome sense of déjà vu pass over her. An all too similar situation had transpired almost five months earlier when Deeks had first gone undercover. It had been another goodbye in the parking area but this one felt painfully harder.

She turned to face Deeks, already missing him. He smiled at her, his grin easy and warm. Even still, she could see some of the longing and worry lingering in his eyes. She reached for him, taking his hands in hers.

"I'll be fine, don't worry."

Deeks nodded vigorously, then tossed her a careless grin.

"I'm not really worried about you. I'm more worried about me. And Monty. He's going to be such a handful while you're gone, moping around like a lovesick puppy."

Unbidden, Kensi laughed, the feeling bubbling to the surface. Keeping his hands in hers she squeezed her fingers tight against his and leaned forward, tilting her face up to kiss him soundly. She kept her lips still and just enjoyed the feel of him pressed up against her for a lingering moment before she pulled back, reluctantly stepping away and getting into her car. Deeks leaned into the open window when she rolled it down.

"You'll call me when you get there?"

Kensi was uncertain and she paused, worried about further entanglements that might put Deeks in any kind of danger. Deeks held up a hand.

"Just humor me, alright? Call me on your alias' phone. Nothing about Tyler's girlfriend calling him while she's visiting a sick relative will seem unusual. It would probably seem strange if you didn't," Deeks pointed out. Finally Kensi nodded, knowing he was right. And knowing she would feel better being able to keep some kind of contact with him.

Fighting against the deep pang she felt at the prospect of being away from Deeks while he needed her, she forced herself to say goodbye and put her car in gear to pull away from OSP. And she watched in the rearview mirror as Deeks watched her go, his steady gaze fixed on her until she turned the corner and was out of sight.


	16. Chapter 16

Since it has been awhile and some stuff changes in this chapter:  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> If you recognize characters then they aren't mine. Just a little harmless fun. Also, there's medical terminology here that may not be entirely accurate since my "source" was Google. And while I took some liberties with Kensi's backstory in the last chapter, now it's Deeks' turn. It's all just my creative interpretation.**  
>Rating: <strong>From here on out this story is rated M for language, violence, and things consenting adults may choose to do together. For the latter in this chapter if you're underage or it's just not your thing you'll see it coming to stop reading. Everyone else: Enjoy! It's not overly graphic but by the rules of this website it definitely is classified as Mature reading.**  
><strong>**Note: **I'm a little late this week just because things have been busy, got distracted by writing a one shot, etc. Hopefully the contents of this chapter will gain me some forgiveness. I'd love to be able to say I will be able to regularly update each week but these chapters are pretty long and life/work/holidays are quite busy right now. I'll update as frequently as I can but I want to do my best so that the story and what I have planned isn't compromised by writing too quickly. As my beta, the wonderful **MioneAlterEgo** can attest, when I go too fast or get lazy with my writing is when things kind of go off the rails! Thank you so much for the alerts, favorites, and reviews! Thanks for taking the time to leave a review, or just to stop by and read.

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><p>An hour later Kensi was finishing packing a bag at her apartment in the Valley. She figured she had no reason to return to Kensi Sullivan's apartment in Santa Monica until she was back undercover and it would be safer for her to keep her distance from her alias there. She was careful to watch for any possible tails as she went home after weeks away even though the possibility of her being followed was beyond remote.<p>

Her apartment had a stale smell from being closed up for weeks and looking around as she entered Kensi was struck by how foreign it felt. Although seeing her furniture brought a certain sense of familiar comfort, there was no dog bed in the corner, no surf boards propped up against the wall, no mound of men's shirts and shorts in the bedroom, and no pile of books from high school curriculum classic reading lists by the side of the bed. She'd gotten accustomed to living with Deeks and having him around her and present in the things he wore, what he read, and how he lived and fit in her life.

Missing him stronger than she'd thought possible, Kensi took a deep breath and turned away from the memories and tried not to see the things missing from her apartment. Things that were sitting in an apartment in Santa Monica and spoke to a whole other life that was oddly less an act than she was able admit.

She moved quickly, finding the items she would need for a few days away and wanting to get on the road south as soon as possible. She was just zipping up her bag when there was a knock at the door. Kensi moved quietly to the front of the apartment, wondering if her neighbors had seen her arrive and were just curiously stopping by or if there was a more dangerous reason for her to have a visitor. Tentatively she pulled aside the curtain at the front door, unable to hide her surprise at her visitor. She yanked open the door, equal parts fearful and concerned.

"What are you doing here?" Kensi hissed, grabbing a fistful of Deeks' shirt and pulling him inside quickly, slamming the door shut behind him. He grinned at her, gently prying her fingers open where they'd latched onto his shirt with a death grip. No longer having purchase on his clothing, Kensi's fingers immediately clutched at his hand, holding it tight.

"Relax, everything's fine. I wasn't followed, don't worry." Seeing her unconvinced and slightly terrified eyes he reached forward to smooth back an errant lock of her hair behind her ear. "Really, I promise."

Kensi took a deep and steadying breath. Sometimes she really thought the emotional ups and downs of Deeks might just be the death of her.

"What's going on? Why are you here?"

"Didn't have a choice really. I got back to the beach and joined up with Mike and Jesse. Jesse must have told Mike about you and both of them immediately laid into me for letting you go to San Diego by yourself. I even tried to play the card about staying behind to work on the malware but they told me to just take the laptop with me. I started to get the sense that it might actually be worse if I didn't go with you." Deeks replied, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably, seemingly worried about her reaction. He fixed his eyes on hers, shrugging helplessly. "And they'll be in Vegas the next few days dropping several grand so it isn't like I really need to be in Venice to watch them or anything."

Worriedly, Kensi finally released his hand and crossed her arms over her chest, shifting from one foot to the other. Deeks spread his arms wide in a conciliatory gesture.

"I cleared it with LAPD and Hetty. I made sure no one was following me. My landlady in Venice is going to watch Monty. We're free and clear for the next few days. Let me come with you."

There was a slight note of pleading to his voice and looking deep into his ocean blue eyes, Kensi saw how strongly Deeks felt about going with her. And she worried that it was another sign that they were both a little too emotional about making smart decisions for their undercover assignment.

Kensi struggled with the uneasy tide of emotions rolling through her. Although on the surface everything Deeks said sounded fine she couldn't help but worry. And there was the distinct part of her that was still a bit uncomfortable with Deeks being exposed to her difficult family dynamics with the Keppingers. But on the other hand she knew having him with her would be reassuring. Maybe it should have annoyed her that his calm strength so easily comforted her. But she was finally getting to the point where things like that about him didn't irritate her and instead she embraced what she was lucky to have.

Deeks was watching her closely, cautiously. She inherently knew he was waiting for her refusal, for her rejection. And even though she probably shouldn't have let that factor into her decision, it did. She very strongly wanted to eliminate the expectation he had that he would be turned away and unwelcome in her personal life. She wanted him at home there, even if the thought still made her nervous. And she realized with certainty that her decision really had been already made the moment he showed up at her door.

"Okay."

The pleased grin he gave her made her heart stutter. And she really wondered at what else had happened in his life that made him expect rejection before acceptance. She really only knew the minimum of details about his father, but Kensi suspected there was more to it than that. But if she could give him acceptance, such an easy thing to offer when he'd already looked past so many of her mistakes and faults, effortlessly and willingly caring for her, then she would do it for him.

What surprised her was how he swooped her up in his arms, lifting her just slightly off the ground. But she let him do it, realizing his exuberance was rooted in something much deeper than accompanying her on a trip to take care of a sick relative.

When he finally put her down she fixed him with a cautious look. "Just remember how excited you are in this moment when we've been sitting in the hospital for two days and you've had to make a vending machine run for the tenth time."

Deeks nodded eagerly, a smile barely tucked away. She took a last sweep around the apartment, letting Deeks grab her bag as he walked ahead of her out the door. She saw him reach for his bag, sitting on her stoop, as she locked her apartment door and they got into her car.

Kensi drove and they made decent time leaving the Los Angeles area. The car was quiet as they drove, the radio a low murmur in the background though she couldn't have pegged what songs were playing. She felt distracted by worry over Diane and concern for the ongoing undercover assignment with Deeks. It felt unfinished and never had Kensi wished more for things in her life to return to normal.

Glancing at Deeks, she couldn't stop the soft smile that graced her face. Normal would be something different now, something neither of them quite knew. The uncertainty of that was scary, but they'd come far enough that she was confident that whatever normal was, they could figure it out together.

It was about halfway through the trip when they began to drive along the coastal route of Interstate 5 past San Clemente that Kensi glanced back again at Deeks, watching as he thoughtfully stared out the window at the late afternoon sun over the ocean. He'd been unusually subdued for most of the drive and Kensi watched him from the corner of her eye, wondering what was keeping him so quiet.

Deeks resisted the urge to fidget under Kensi's watchful glances. Admittedly he hadn't completely thought through his impulse to accompany her to San Diego. They supported each other as partners easily enough and as friends they'd made strides. But in that nebulous area they currently found themselves he was feeling a little uncertain about how to be there for Kensi.

There was no other place he'd rather be but there were looming implications of going with Kensi to deal with a traumatic event in her family. Partners listened when you talked about your family. Friends maybe helped out by watering your plants and picking up your mail if you had to go out of town to be with your family. But going along to help out and provide emotional support when dealing with a health scare in a family? That spoke volumes.

Kensi had a family.

Deeks thought on that for a moment. He recalled back to the first Christmas they'd been partners and how she'd lied about having family in Seattle. He wondered why she hadn't mentioned the Keppingers in San Diego. Clearly the estrangement had lasted for several years. And Deeks knew Kensi well enough to understand that she regretted not being a part of their lives but she'd seen no way to fix things.

He tried to give "the General," as Kensi called him, some benefit of doubt but after what she'd had told him, and after he'd seen Kensi so disappointed in Ops that the man couldn't even be bothered to speak to her, he was having a hard time feeling anything but dislike. He recognized the pain of rejection on Kensi's face and it tore at him that anyone could make her feel that way. Kensi didn't have a difficult time standing up for herself in nearly every situation she faced in her life. Except, apparently, when it came to her adopted family.

He had to admit, that alone intrigued him. His strong, forthright, stubborn partner unwilling or unable to face something that bothered her wasn't something he could really imagine. It also wasn't something he wanted her to have to face on her own. That was one of the many reasons he'd wanted to come with her.

Deeks didn't have much experience with families. Even as a child he'd determined that biological connections did not a family make. Growing up, losing the pitiful excuse for a father he'd had and losing his mother, had forced him to give up on a defined family. With time and a healthy amount of delusion he'd even convinced himself he didn't need or want that.

And for years that kind of connection, and a kind of defined family, hadn't really been a goal for him. He wasn't completely sure that it was now. But he couldn't deny that as he was getting older and as he'd made surprising connections and formed lasting bonds with his NCIS teammates, the prospect of a family, ambiguously defined as it might be, held increasing appeal.

It wasn't a house in the suburbs or the perfect ratio of kids to minivans to pets. But it was an intense longing to allow at least one person in closer than anyone had ever been before. He could find ironic amusement in knowing that one person was a 5'9" brunette who could outshoot him, outmaneuver him, was addicted to sugar, and was often equal parts annoyed and amused by him.

Even two years earlier he couldn't imagine thinking or wanting a family in even an abstract way. And whatever he had with Kensi still defied definition. But that didn't make him long for it any less, even if the lack of classification was a bit terrifying.

Deeks knew he and Kensi both bore damage and scars left behind by loss, abuse and mistreatment. Their experiences were different but the scars were remarkably similar. He felt a guilty pang, knowing that he now knew more about Kensi's past than she did about his. He wanted to tell her the rest, wanted to see the understanding in her eyes. The time wasn't right but he resolved to tell her as soon as it was. She deserved to know the rest.

Until then, Deeks resolved to be by Kensi's side, help her how he could. Contrary to popular opinion he wasn't as oblivious as he appeared, especially when it came to tuning into what Kensi needed. Kensi wasn't the kind of woman easily unsettled but Deeks could tell she was rattled with worry over Diane and long simmering regret and guilt over her relationship with the General. That she was allowing him even a glimpse of that was a heavy but welcome responsibility.

They made good time, arriving at the hospital near La Jolla in about two hours. Deeks exited the car quickly, coming around to Kensi's side to walk alongside her. He tried not to be surprised when she automatically reached for him, her hand finding his and gripping his fingers tightly. Her fingers were cold and Deeks lifted her hand, passing it to hold in his other hand and reach up with his free hand, placing it at the nape of her neck and squeezing warmly. That she leaned into his touch didn't escape his notice.

Deeks walked with Kensi into the hospital, trying his hardest not to show his growing concern for Kensi. That she was distracted by her worry and thoughts was obvious. Although they'd gotten to the point that she didn't push away his physical touch, the fact that she was welcoming it, even seeking it out without comment, was certainly indication of how out of sorts she was.

After getting directions to the cardio wing of the hospital, Deeks followed Kensi as she approached the nurse's station, her back anxiously straight as she waited for help. Finally a nurse directed them down the hallway to the inpatient rooms. The nurse left them in the doorway of a room and Deeks glanced inside, seeing the occupied bed inside. He looked at Kensi, noting the paleness of her face and her lips tightly pressed together. Doing the only thing he could think of, he ran his hand up and down her back, soothingly pressing against her spine. His touch seemed to shake her from her reverie and she gave him a grateful smile before she took a deep breath and entered the room.

Deeks followed close behind, trying to suppress the aversion he felt for hospitals. Since he usually only went to them because he was injured or because someone he cared about was hurt, he wasn't too fond of spending time there. But this time was different. He was here for Kensi and he would be whatever she needed.

Kensi tentatively approached the bed and Deeks following, his curiosity causing him to glance around Kensi to the woman lying asleep in the bed. The monitors hummed and beeped as they measured and cataloged the health and wellness of their patient. The woman in the bed, Diane Keppinger, was a small woman with white blond hair and fine, delicate features. On first glance she reminded Deeks of Nell in stature.

Deeks glanced quickly at Kensi, a little alarmed to see her eyes were swimming with tears as she hesitantly reached forward to take Diane's hand. Before she could make contact Kensi pulled her hand back, as if afraid to touch Diane.

"Kens, you can touch her, I'm sure it's okay," Deeks reassured her quietly, to which Kensi resolutely shook her head.

"No, I don't want to wake her. Maybe we should go find her doctor?" Kensi asked as she looked at him hopefully, and Deeks could tell that suddenly all she wanted was to be away from that room. Deeks was about to agree, reasoning that getting facts and information might give Kensi something concrete to latch on to, to deal with, when he saw that Diane was stirring, her eyes opening to reveal dark brown irises that immediately fell on Kensi. Deeks nudged Kensi, forcing her to turn around to face Diane. The helpless look on Kensi's face nearly undid him so he did the only thing he could think of and pressed his hand back against the small of her back, keeping his palm steady and warm against her.

"Kensi? Honey, what are you doing here?" Diane asked, confusion clouding her eyes. Unable to run, Kensi leaned towards her, taking the hand that was reaching for her.

"Cody called me. He and the General were notified about what happened to you and they asked me to come until they could get here in a few days. How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay, honey. Not that I'm not thrilled to see you, but what on earth compelled Robert to order you to come check on me?" Diane asked, shrewdly picking up on Kensi's unsaid words. Her eyes shifted minutely to Kensi's right, lighting up with interest as they took in Deeks standing protectively behind her. "And who might this be?"

Kensi bristled slightly at the first question. "Diane, if I'd known I would have come with or without the General contacting me. I hope you know that even though things haven't been easy between the General and me, I haven't wanted to stay away."

Diane's face softened into a smile and she squeezed Kensi's hand. "I know that, Kensi. And I'm glad you came. I just didn't want to be a bother. I know your work must keep you very busy."

Kensi's lips fell into a slight frown and Deeks knew she struggled with the right thing to say. Because their work did leave them with very little time for a personal life. They were always busy and that realization, that their work was isolating, while not new, was harder to digest when faced with the real possibility of lost opportunities. And Kensi was clearly realizing the near lost opportunities with Diane in the hospital.

"Now, who is your young man here?" Diane asked again, her eyes curious and bright as they fixed on Deeks. Flushing with embarrassment, Kensi moved to pull Deeks a little closer, allowing him to reach forward to shake Diane's hand.

"Diane, this is my partner, LAPD Detective Marty Deeks. Marty, this is Diane Keppinger."

"It's nice to meet you, Diane. Kensi's told me a little about you. Sorry for the intrusion, but I didn't want Kensi to have to come here on her own."

Kensi shot him an exasperated look, clearly not thrilled with his overly protective words. But it was Diane's face, alight with keen interest, that had Deeks suddenly as uncomfortable as a high school kid picking up his prom date. She glanced at them, standing entirely too close to simply be casual, her eyes falling on Deeks' arm around her back where his hand still rested low on Kensi's back.

"Partners, huh?"

At that Deeks had to laugh, catching Kensi's eye. "You know, your son said the same thing."

"That's because I raised a very observant young man," Diane replied primly. She looked as though she was about to push further when a doctor entered the room, reviewing Diane's chart as he came around the opposite side of the bed. Deeks didn't miss the relaxing of Kensi's shoulders as the interrogation ended. For now. He had a feeling Diane Keppinger could be very tenacious when she wanted to be.

"Mrs. Keppinger, how are you feeling this evening?"

The doctor was older, his hair steel grey and blue eyes kind behind wire rimmed glasses. After Diane responded that she was feeling better he turned to Kensi and Deeks, reaching forward to shake their hands.

"I'm Doctor Parker, I specialize in cardiovascular medicine. And you are?"

Kensi was quick to respond before Deeks had a chance to speak up.

"I'm Tracey Wyler, and this is my husband, Jason."

Too shell-shocked to do anything more than shake the doctor's hand, Deeks spared a glance at Diane, who stared at him with deepening interest.

"Tracey is my daughter, Doctor Parker," Diane lied smoothly. The doctor nodded without suspicion and proceeded to check her vitals.

Deeks leaned over Kensi's shoulder to whisper in her ear. "Husband? Shouldn't you at least buy me a ring first?"

Kensi's quick elbow in his stomach had him reflexively stepping back, hiding the movement with a cough when the doctor glanced their way. Doctor Parker slung his stethoscope back around his neck, making a few notes on the chart in his hands.

"I'm glad you were able to come help your mother, Mrs. Wyler. When she was admitted we initially had some problems contacting family members. Your mother is doing well but she suffered an acute myocardial infarction. When we admitted her we immediately conducted a coronary angiography to look for blockages in the coronary arteries. I'm waiting on the x-rays to see if there are any blockages and to determine if an angioplasty is warranted. We've also conducted an EKG and some blood tests which will help us in determining what the options might be."

The doctor patted Diane on the shoulder, smiling before he glanced back at Kensi. "She's going to be here a few days and we might need to take her in for some additional surgery, maybe to install a stent on the artery. We'll know more tomorrow. Right now she appears to be out of the woods. Visiting hours for non-family are over so you can stay as long as you want. But keep in mind that your mother needs her rest. Once I have the test results we can discuss the next steps and recovery."

Doctor Parker left almost as quickly as he'd come, leaving Deeks to turn to Kensi, a wry smile on his face.

"Tracey and Jason Wyler?"

Kensi rested her hands on her hips defensively as she faced him. "It occurred to me that they wouldn't allow us to stay and come and go if we weren't family. And Eric created a paper trail for my alias to be here but not for me to be here. I'll probably be the one to sign Diane out in a few days and it would look suspicious to have a second woman named Kensi in the hospital records, if anyone were to look."

Deeks nodded slowly, finding reason in her argument while another part of him was still amused at their aliases. The past overlapped with the present in the oddest of ways sometimes.

"And who are Tracey and Jason Wyler?" Diane asked, her tone interested. Kensi turned back to Diane.

"Marty was Jason Wyler when we met. I was a girl named Tracey. We met when we were both undercover. It's kind of a long story. Thank you for covering and saying I'm your daughter," Kensi replied softly, her brown eyes still filled with concern.

"Kensi, you are as much my daughter as Cody is my son," Diane said, waving away the concern. And she fixed her amused eyes on Deeks, a smile lifting her lips. "And it looks like I have another son now, too."

Sensing a fellow conspirator, Deeks slipped an arm around Kensi's waist, a grin lighting his face. "And I'll bet my new mother-in-law can tell me all kinds of stories about my wife."

Kensi pushed at his shoulder with one hand but he resolutely kept his hand at her hip.

"I'm not sure I like this plan."

"Too late, you're the one who started it," Deeks said gleefully. Kensi rolled her eyes in annoyance before her expression softened when Deeks leaned over, nuzzling and kissing her jaw before he pulled back to look in her eyes.

Being married to someone, to anyone, had always seemed like such an abstract and unlikely outcome for him. But looking fondly into Kensi's dark and contrasting eyes his chest was suddenly tight with the undeniable possibility of her. The thought of Kensi as his wife took his breath away and nearly knocked him over.

Diane cleared her throat, breaking the warm and intimate glance they'd been sharing. She gestured to a bag sitting in one of the nearby chairs.

"My purse and keys should be in that bag with my personal effects. It's getting late, why don't you two go stay at the house and come back in the morning?"

Kensi resolutely shook her head, resting a hand on Diane's arm in a protective gesture as she sat at the side of her bed. "No, I'm staying here with you tonight. You shouldn't be here alone."

Diane's eyes softened and she reached up to stroke Kensi's face gently.

"Honey, I appreciate the thought but I'll be fine. You and Marty probably had a long drive and I know this has been an upsetting and stressful day for you."

"But what if something happens? I want to be here," Kensi said stubbornly. Deeks watched as Diane looked into Kensi's eyes, the silent moment heavy with history, regret and hope. And although he could only see the back of Kensi's head Deeks could read the tautness of her shoulders and he saw how she bowed her head. He knew without seeing her eyes she was close to tears and Diane's quick glance at him, silently asking him to act, motivated him to action. Coming around to Kensi's front he kneeled down, catching her attention.

"Kens, why don't we go to Diane's house tonight? We can be back here right away if we need to be. And we'll be back first thing in the morning," Deeks promised, keeping his tone persuasive. Kensi looked torn as she glanced from him to Diane. The older woman patted her hand gently.

"Listen to Marty, honey. I'll feel better knowing you're getting a good night's sleep. But I expect you back here first thing," Diane replied. Deeks smiled at the demanding request, knowing that Diane had added it as an offering of sorts. It would let Kensi feel a little less guilty for leaving if she was expected back the next day.

Kensi finally nodded, blinking and sniffling a little against unshed tears. She stood, heading to the bathroom to compose herself. Deeks watched her go, only returning his gaze to Diane once the bathroom door was closed. Diane watched him with knowing and kind eyes. He tried not to shift uncomfortably under her gaze, feeling a little exposed and not sure how he felt about that. He wasn't used to people seeing him so clearly, and certainly not someone he hadn't even known an hour before.

"You know, you're nothing like what I would have pictured for Kensi," Diane said slowly, her expression thoughtful as she smiled at him. "But you may very well be exactly what she needs."

Deeks felt something in his chest swell at the words, wishing with all his heart that Diane was right. It was the only thing he really wanted, to be what Kensi needed.

"I hope so. I don't know if I am, but she's all I need."

Diane surprised him, reaching out a hand to rest on top of his, giving it a quick squeeze before she let go. They shared a look filled with the kind of motherly understanding and happiness that was completely foreign to Deeks, broken only when Kensi returned from the bathroom.

Kensi made another attempt to argue for staying in the hospital but Diane refused to allow it. Feeling as though he was in cahoots with Diane and finding the feeling of camaraderie a nice one, Deeks pulled Kensi from the room, realizing it was already getting late into the night. They left their contact information at the nurse's station and Deeks managed to steer Kensi out of the hospital. Getting back in Kensi's car she drove them to the Keppingers' house in nearby La Jolla.

Deeks couldn't help but stare at the affluent houses as they passed through the communities of the San Diego suburb. La Jolla was definitely more country club than anything he ever could have imagined growing up. When Kensi pulled into the driveway of a modest two story house tucked into a small hillside, white with green trim, Deeks grabbed their bags and followed her inside.

Having never been inside the house either, Kensi went from room to room on the first floor, finding a kitchen and dining room that led out towards a small backyard, and a living area, sitting room and downstairs bathroom to the side of the entryway. Reasoning the bedrooms were all upstairs, Kensi made her way to the second story with Deeks following behind.

Kensi found the master bedroom and bathroom towards the back of the house and two bedrooms at the front, a bathroom between them. There were wide and expansive windows slanted at an angle at the front of the house in the bedrooms, facing the horizon and the darkening night sky. Deeks was quiet as he followed Kensi, letting her move through the house, her eyes lighting on photos and mementos that she clearly recognized. He imagined that it had to be a bit like returning to a childhood home she hadn't seen in ten years. And considering how she'd left he knew it couldn't be the easiest return for her.

Not giving her the option of pulling away and putting distance between them, Deeks followed her into one of the guest bedroom, putting their bags down next to the queen bed. She looked back at him over her shoulder, giving him a brief smile. Taking the smile as encouragement he stepped towards her, pulling her back against his chest and kissing her hairline, leaving his lips pressed there as she relaxed and melted back in his embrace.

It was a quiet moment and full of closeness to her that he'd been craving. They'd both pulled back a little in the last week, Kensi blaming herself and Deeks admittedly not sure how to reach her. But a crisis had always been an effective means to bring them together. It made perceived problems seem that much less important. It clarified the things worth fighting for. And it made it easy to be grateful for the support they could give each other.

Deeks considered that probably the healthy thing to do would be to talk about it, hash things out and figure out where they went wrong over the last week in not communicating with each other. But that seemed unimportant now. The growling of Kensi's stomach had him pulling back and smiling at her fondly.

"It sounds like somebody's hungry."

Kensi smiled sheepishly, then let Deeks lead her down the stairs to the kitchen. A few minutes of looking through the cupboards and refrigerator revealed plenty of food but by silent agreement neither of them wanted to expend the effort of making a meal. Deeks reached for the car keys where Kensi had left them on the kitchen island.

"Come on. There's a pier south of here. I'm sure we can find something there."

Kensi let him drive and after parking the car they wandered hand in hand towards the pier jetting off from the beach and over the water. It was a warm Friday night and dodging kids, families and couples, Deeks found a hot dog stand. They carried their food out on the pier and quietly sat on a bench and leaned against the wood railing, watching the carefree crowds of people as they ate.

Deeks was polishing off his second hot dog when he glanced at Kensi, who had been quiet as she ate. He could tell she was tired and overwhelmed by the day. Even though they were far from Los Angeles and their undercover assignment he knew she had to be thinking about that too. And for both of them past demons had a way of rearing up to remind them of history they preferred forgotten.

He remembered what Kensi had said more than a week earlier, that her mother had died in San Diego when her father was stationed there when she was young. And that both her parents were buried there. That, coupled with her worry for Diane, had to be taking its toll on her. He knew she could handle a lot on her own, had handled nearly everything on her own for thirteen years. But he wanted her to know she didn't have to anymore. Leaning back and stretching his arms along the back of the bench he was rewarded when Kensi leaned against him, her body warm against his.

Deeks watched her out of the corner of his eye, noting how she was staring off in the distance, her focus clearly riveted on something. Following her line of sight he saw a young couple, a stroller between them and a toddler in the father's arms. Deeks watched them for a moment, feeling an odd mixture of longing and regret.

It was Kensi's voice that broke through his thoughts. He turned to her, seeing unfamiliar uncertainty in her dark eyes. "Do you ever think about having kids?"

Her words didn't quite strike him with fear as he might have expected they would. He hadn't been a long-term relationship kind of guy since becoming an undercover cop and he'd long ago assumed that having kids wasn't in his future. Several potential girlfriends had attempted a similar sort of conversation, usually much too early in the relationship, and that was often his cue to break things off. But Kensi was different. She knew him for who he was. And whatever they had held the potential to be more than something short term or temporary.

Despite all that, answering her question still made him uneasy. Trying to buy some time, he countered back. "Do you?"

Kensi's eyes narrowed, as if she knew he was stalling. But she seemed to be in a generous mood so she tilted her head to the side, giving the young family a quick glance before she looked back at him.

"I did, a long time ago. I thought that was the life I would have with Jack. Ten years ago I figured by now I'd be married with a bunch of kids. When he left I pretty much dismissed that as part of my future," Kensi said, her voice matter of fact. Deeks felt a sharp pull in his chest, thinking about the different life Kensi would have had if her fiancé hadn't left. What kind of a different life his would have been because he never would have met her.

He wondered if it made him a horrible person to be glad things had turned out how they had. He didn't wish her the pain she'd had to endure but he couldn't be sorry for it. It wasn't much different than his acceptance of his past. He'd long ago come to peace with the fact that while he could never be grateful for his upbringing, he could accept it and try to be at peace with it.

"And not that I think there's a timetable or anything but for the first time in a long time I can see the potential. There's still so much I want to do, but it seems like it could maybe be a part of my future," Kensi's voice was careful and measured and Deeks almost smiled at her words. They were as off hand as she could make them but Deeks knew the change in her point of view was huge. And he would have to be blind not to realize that he might factor into that change.

Feeling as though he wasn't sure he could give her the answer she wanted, and not even knowing exactly what that was, he decided the best answer was a truthful one.

"Have I thought about having kids? Sure. Do I think I'll ever have them? I don't know if that's in the cards for me. I'm not sure some kid having me for a father is a great idea," Deeks admitted, allowing one of his few fears out in the open for Kensi to see. Her response was immediate as she turned under his arm, pulling a leg under her so she could sit to face him to the side. Her light touch on his thigh distracted him only slightly from the incredulous look on his face.

"Are you kidding? Kids love you and you're great with them," she argued. Deeks shrugged, knowing she wasn't wrong.

"Playing with a kid for fifteen minutes isn't the same as raising one from birth. It's a little hard for me to imagine doing that when the only examples of parents I know are my father who tried to shoot me and my mother who didn't want anything to do with me," Deeks said, the words coming out harsher than he'd intended. Kensi's eyes widened and her hand on his thigh tightened slightly as she leaned closer.

He looked away from her, suddenly not able to bear the compassion in her dark eyes. He bowed his head, locking his eyes on Kensi's hand on his leg. He tried to focus on the long fingers of her left hand, the easy rise and fall as they moved in a soothing pattern over the fabric of his jeans.

"What happened with your mother?"

Kensi's voice was softly persuasive in his ear and he wanted to tell her. So badly. There was one secret he had that he'd never told anyone, and this was it.

Secrets were the ultimate _quid pro quo_. It was an odd sort of push and pull, the desire to make a connection with someone, share secrets and trust, and the fear that drove keeping those secrets hidden. He knew deep down that Kensi had long ago shown herself worthy of his secrets, but it was still a difficult leap to make. He couldn't help but fear it might make her look at him different.

And lifting his head to meet her eyes, he knew he couldn't stand that. He couldn't go another day without seeing the fond exasperation, amused annoyance and irritation, dawning attraction, fierce protection and ultimately the deep and steady caring, staring right back at him. But it was her hand, reaching up to rest against the side of his face, curling around his ear that broke through that resolve. Her touch was steady and warm and he could almost believe he would have it forever.

"You can tell me, Marty. It won't change how I see you."

Her reassuring and calm tone, saying the very thing he feared, had him shaking his head in amazement. How she knew what he thought, how she could see into his heart and soul, was something he would never fully understand but would be forever in awe of.

"How can you be sure of that?" he replied quietly, uncertainty overruling his normally confident exterior attitude.

"Because I love you." Awestruck by her quiet but sure words, and his heart pounding loud enough to almost drown her out, all he could do was stare at Kensi, the shock clearly on his face for her to see. As if to reassure him she reached forward with both hands, holding his face between them. "And I never thought I would be able to love anyone again the way that I love you. There's nothing that could make me change my mind about that."

He couldn't even manage to be ashamed at how his eyes watered and a tear escaped down his cheek. Not when Kensi was there to catch it with her lips, the softness of her touch kissing a path from his cheek to the corner of his eye. Before he realized he'd done it, his arms reached around Kensi, bringing her against him in a tight hug. She half sat on his lap as he fit his head under her chin, resting his face against her neck and closing his eyes to breathe in her familiar scent. She ran a hand through his disheveled hair and he kept his eyes closed, smelling apples and the ocean air.

Mindful that they were still out in public, even if the pier was beginning to empty out as the night wore on, Deeks slowly loosened his arms around her, letting her settle a little more appropriately at his side. He swallowed past the thick lump in his throat, wishing more than anything that he could enjoy the words she'd said to him, heartfelt words he never expected to hear from anyone, let alone her, without the dull pain of past memories.

"No matter what changes, the past is always with me." Unbidden, Deeks whispered the words he sometimes wished weren't true. Kensi's touch, soothing on his neck and shoulders where her hands held him close, centered him. Determined to see her face as he told her, he lifted his head to meet her eyes, remembering the unwavering caring he saw there.

"I told you about my father, how I shot him when I was eleven." At his statement, Kensi nodded quickly. "It was hard when he was there, never knowing when he might be drunk and go after my mom, or when he might get tired of beating on her and come after me. But even with him gone things were still hard."

"My mom wasn't a strong woman, Kensi. She met my dad and got pregnant at sixteen. Neither one of them finished high school because I derailed any plans they had. My dad clearly resented me for it and I thought for the longest time, even after he went to prison, that at least my mom was on my side. I figured at least we'd managed to break away from him and were in it together." He took a deep breath, delving back into reluctant memories he usually stubbornly kept under lock and key. "She worked two jobs and tried to keep us afloat. I was seventeen when she told me one day that she couldn't stand to look at me anymore, that I looked just like my father. And that I reminded her of everything she'd loved and lost, and everything I'd taken away from her."

Deeks took a ragged breath, briefly back in that dingy apartment in Reseda, his mother looking at him with hurt and contempt, as if he'd done something to deserve what she told him.

"She actually blamed me for shooting him, for the cops getting involved and for him getting sent away. She'd waited long enough so that I could survive on my own and then she left. That same night she packed up and I never saw her again." Deeks finished his story with a bitter smile. "So you see, Kensi, when the only people in the world who are supposed to love you can't even stand the sight of you, it makes it a little hard for me to feel like I could possibly understand how to be a parent."

Kensi seemed to ignore his caustic words, her hand squeezing warmly at the nape of his neck, her fingers sifting through his hair.

"How did you manage to get to college after you graduated high school?" Kensi asked thoughtfully. Thrown for a loop, Deeks looked at her questioningly.

"I worked three jobs over the summers and two jobs during the semesters. I applied for every grant and scholarship I could find and I took out as much in student loans as I could. Why?"

"I'm guessing that wasn't the typical educational path for a kid growing up in your neighborhood," Kensi observed, to which Deeks chuckled.

"Not even close."

"So if you could manage to achieve all that, not to mention go to law school, graduate the police academy, become a detective with the LAPD and work with a covert undercover branch of the Department of Defense, what makes you think you couldn't defy expectations and be a good dad too?"

Deeks studied Kensi carefully, wishing it were as simple as that. But the past, especially the emotional past, had always haunted him. Kensi seemed to pick up on his skepticism.

"I know I'm comparing things that are way more complicated than that. And I'm not saying this to get you to have sudden confidence in one day being a father. But don't sell yourself short. If anyone is a prime example of not being a product of their upbringing, it's you."

Feeling a pleased and a little embarrassed at Kensi's praise he smiled softly at her, silently letting her know what her words meant.

Kensi looked thoughtful before she pressed on. "She just left you on your own? Nobody noticed?"

"I was a junior in high school. Social services in Reseda wasn't really paying attention. And I told people I knew, like Ray, that my mom had left for a job and was sending me money. If they suspected they never said anything."

"And nobody helped you," Kensi replied softly. Deeks shrugged, not really feeling that he deserved the sadness coloring her voice.

"I didn't have the easiest upbringing but it could have been worse. It taught me to take care of myself and not count on anyone for help. I think you and I share that in common."

Deeks was surprised by the touch of distress he saw in Kensi's eyes. She reached to caress his neck, her touch a brief pressure.

"But not anymore. We have each other now."

Her insistent voice caught his attention and he nodded slowly. It was important for him to depend on her and she wanted to depend on him. That kind of dependence-which might have previously been thought of as a weakness-was new for them.

Deeks smiled, feeling buoyant instead of weighed down by the responsibility. "Yeah, we do."

Kensi paused, weighing her words before she spoke again, her voice full of empathy for him. "I'm sorry about your mother. I can only imagine the kind of pain that must have caused you. And I wish I knew the words to make it better."

Deeks shrugged, the past still a reminder but knowing it would continue to dim and fade as time went on and as his life became fuller and filled with people and experiences that replaced his previous notions.

"I don't know, I think the 'I love you' pretty well took care of that," Deeks replied with a wide grin. Kensi smiled back, equal parts self conscious and pleased that she managed to bring him some measure of happiness.

They stared at each other for a long minute, neither quite sure what to say and enjoying the comfortable silence that came from knowing they each knew how deeply the other felt. Although they'd been very good at silent communication in the past, some words when spoken really did make all the difference in the world. Sometimes they made the past seem a little easier to let go of. And sometimes they made the future something to look forward to.

Kensi shivered against the chilling night air and Deeks responded by pulling her closer, his arms strong and tight around her shoulders and waist. Kensi smiled at him shyly, internally pleased that his reactions to her were so automatic and concerned. She hadn't thought she was the kind of girl who wanted the man in her life to take care of her. She still wasn't, not really. But she couldn't help the feminine thrill she got from knowing that Deeks watched her and watched out for her like no one else.

Deeks rubbed her arm with his hand, nodding back towards the shore. "We should probably be getting back. It's getting late and we'll want to be back at the hospital first thing in the morning."

Kensi stood to follow Deeks, leaning against his side as his arm went around her shoulders and pulled her close. The walk back to the car and drive back to the Keppingers' house was quiet as Kensi reflected on the myriad of thoughts running through her head. She was worried for Diane but relieved that she seemed okay. She was anxious about possibly confronting the General and how she could even attempt to fix that relationship. She was concerned for the undercover operation, no matter how adamant Deeks was that things were fine there. They had a job to do and she didn't want to let him down.

And she was suddenly tingling with awareness of Deeks sitting next to her in the car. She already missed the heated closeness of his body against hers, his hands drifting over her and finding the stress his touch seemed to make disappear. And then there was his touch that was focused and able to draw out an entirely different reaction from her.

With what they'd said to each other the barriers between them seemed to be few. And she was fighting the rather new, but not at all unwelcome, longing she had to follow those declarations by exploring every part of him, to find what touches made him lose his breath and pant her name, to let his touch make her ache with need.

She took a deep breath in an attempt to calm the sudden riot in her stomach and the slight tremor that shook her body. That turned out to have the opposite effect when she breathed in his scent and all she could think of was waking up in the morning next to him, imagining his bare skin against hers, burying her face against his neck and breathing in that mixture of smells that was him, home, comfort, acceptance and safety all rolled into one.

Once they got back to the house Kensi went upstairs as Deeks checked doors and windows throughout the house, securing them for the night. Her thoughts whirled as she argued with herself about taking that step with Deeks that just a few weeks ago she'd been worried was too much, too soon. Considering how far they'd come and the driving force she felt to do more than tell Deeks how she felt, it seemed a silly thought now. But it was easier to examine with the passage of time and the changing tide of their relationship. Somehow she managed to get ready for bed, still undecided. She knew what her heart and body were telling her but her head caused her moments of hesitation. She should have known that Deeks would have his own opinion on the matter.

She'd been standing at the bedroom window, admiring the darkening sky and checking her phone for messages when Deeks sneak attacked her from behind, one arm looping around her waist and the other effortlessly lifting and tossing her back on the bed, her head hitting the pillow with a soft thump. He plucked the phone from her hand, tossing it away from the bed where it hit the carpeted floor with a thud. Stunned, Kensi felt her heart rate surge and her eyes widen at the sight of Deeks, his hands at her sides and holding his body just above hers as he surged forward to find her mouth with his, siphoning off any remaining doubts and her breath in an instant.

The pressure of his lips was pleasantly forceful as one of his hands went next to her head and the other to her waist, quickly slipping under her tank top with heated focus. Kensi arched her back impatiently as his fingers drifted over her stomach and she reached for him, murmuring with delight as her hands found nothing but warm skin over the supple muscle of his chest and back. She'd been so distracted by her thoughts that she hadn't even noticed that he'd shed most of his clothes, leaving few barriers between her curious hands and his tanned skin.

As Kensi drew him closer with impatient pressure on his shoulders, Deeks allowed most of his body weight to rest against her, his thigh slipping between her legs. Kensi tried to concentrate on one feeling at a time but there was too much sensation for her to focus. His mouth, hot breath mingling with hers, tongue caressing hers with fiery intention, his hand skimming under her breast and finally coming to press and squeeze. She felt shivers rush down her side following his hand as he reached behind her knee, lifting and hooking her leg around his hip and back.

Kensi flexed her thigh and calf, bringing the part of her where pressure was building at a fast and inflammatory pace against where Deeks pushed back with hardening and steady intensity. She gasped when his mouth tore from hers, his tongue tracing a slow and wet path down her neck where he lightly bit the skin above the ridge of her collarbone. Immediately following he kissed and stroked away the lingering sting, causing her to be nearly overwhelmed by the sharp sensation of pain and pleasure.

She looked down, feeling the heat rise through her body at the sight of such a strong, lean man, _of Deeks_, his body rising and falling with their movements and with his unsteady breaths, the muscles of his shoulders bunching and flexing under her hands, just the sight bringing her closer to an impossibly high precipice.

Shifting slightly, Kensi used the pressure and angle of her leg around his waist to push the boxer shorts he wore down, eventually using her foot until they were down by his knees. Finally Deeks got the message and he pushed them the rest of the way off before quickly turning his attention back to her. He made quick work of her tank top, tugging it over her head and tossing it away. Kensi welcomed his weight and the feel of his bare chest against hers and she lifted her face to his as he leaned down, pausing with only a breath of space between their lips.

As his restless movement against her lower body lessened she focused on his face, seeing the first hint of uncertainty seeping into his blue eyes, deepened with color from his arousal.

"Is this okay? I know we said we'd wait until you're ready. I might have jumped the gun on assuming you're ready and I really don't want you to feel like I'm pushing you—"

Kensi had to laugh at his words, her breath escaping with barely contained elation. Leave it to Deeks to get them into something far deeper than they'd ever been before and then be unable to stop questioning and talking. Silencing him with an open-mouthed kiss that she ended by moving her mouth to breathe hotly against his neck, she smiled against the scruff of his jaw at how his throat swallowed with difficulty and she felt him tense and perceptively harden against her center.

"Only you," Kensi said, laying back against the pillow and reaching forward to cradle his face in her hands. "Only you would be naked on top of me in bed where I'm half naked and wanting to make sure this was what I wanted."

Kensi's voice was softly teasing but really she was in awe more than anything. He could read her like a book, knew her better than she knew herself, but he never took that for granted. She stared up into Deeks' face, touching the corners of his eyes with her thumbs and stroking over his nose and the lines around his mouth she knew grew more pronounced when he smiled. But it was his eyes, looking down at her with an expression unlike any she'd ever seen before, that made her heart pound.

"How did I get so lucky?" she whispered, feeling as though her heart might burst under the expansive love and care lighting Deeks' eyes and face. His smile turned gentle and reflective as he stroked the side of her face, his forefinger curling under her chin and his thumb finding the slight indent below her lips.

"I think you've got that backwards but for once I'm not going to argue with you," Deeks replied with a wide grin before he met her lips again, angling his head to the side to deepen the kiss as his hands moved back to her breasts, stroking and teasing with increasing intensity. When his mouth broke from hers to replace his hands on her breasts Kensi sank her fingers into his hair, holding him steady against her as he sucked and licked until her toes curled and she moved her hips with increasing restlessness against him.

While his mouth was busy his hands reached down to her waist, fingers hooking around her flannel pants and underwear, urging her to lift her hips and quickly divesting her of both. The movement left his chin resting against her stomach and Kensi held her breath as Deeks slowly slid back up her body, grazing every possible exposed inch of his lean body against hers until the hardest part of him notched against the softest part of her, causing them both to pant and arch with barely controlled need.

Deeks proved to her that there was some benefit to his ability to focus on many things at once as he kissed her again, gentling his lips on hers as he kissed her slow and deep while his hand drifted down between them, touching and teasing her open to find she was slickly ready for him. His groan against her mouth made her grin until he slipped a finger, then two, inside her and stroked experimentally but with purpose until she gasped. She thought maybe she should have been embarrassed by the high keening sound of her voice as she whispered his name but it only seemed to urge him on, his fingers seeking out the intimate parts of her, on fire and sensitive for his touch.

Between desperate gasps for breath Kensi parted her thighs wider, wanting Deeks as close as he could be. "You have something, right?"

The instant stilling of his movements caused a shiver of despair to chase down her spine. He lifted her head to look at her and she saw the hesitation seeping into his blue eyes.

"Actually—"

Exasperated, Kensi huffed out an angry breath. "Are you kidding me? How does a single guy like you in his thirties not have condoms on him at all times? How does that even happen?"

"I think I maybe deserve a little credit for not assuming we would be having sex while attending to your sick relative," Deeks argued, to which Kensi fixed him with a still frustrated gaze. She was so distracted by the torment of unfulfilled desire pulsing through her that she almost missed the mischievous glint in his eyes. "Some people would say that's downright sensitive and chivalrous of me. Considerate and even modest."

Kensi's eyes narrowed and she tried to suppress the moan that nearly escaped her lips as Deeks' hands drifted up and down her body, stoking the already enflamed fire that felt alive under her skin.

"Some people might, but they clearly don't know you. No credit for you. Where are the condoms?" She managed to growl. Deeks flashed her a smile.

"You're so impatient and bossy. It's a good thing I love that about you," Deeks replied, his tone off hand as he reached across the bed towards his bag on the floor, producing a box of very welcome condoms. Kensi watched with restless eyes as Deeks opened the box, tore open a condom and moved to slide it on. She ran her fingers down his chest intending to assist but he stopped her with a shake of his head.

"Not that I don't appreciate the thought, but this will be over before it's started if you do that," he warned. Oddly amused, Kensi let her hands fall to his hips, shifting restlessly and waiting anxiously for his warm and heavy weight to return. When he finally did she moved to open her arms and body wide for him, arching against the welcome push of him against her center.

She let her head fall back, exposing the smooth column of her neck for Deeks to kiss and suck as she felt him stretch her body, filling her with deliciously sensitive slowness. How long it took for him to push into her fully she had no idea. Long enough for a thin sheen of sweat to form on their overheated bodies and for her to see black stars against her eyelids. But it was his lips, kissing against her eyelids that finally caused her to open her eyes, taking in the determined and caring expression on Deeks' face.

"Look at me, Kens. I want to see your eyes."

Kensi nodded as Deeks began to move, the thrusts of his hips a steady rhythm that built in intensity. Just when she thought she was close to the edge he seemed to sense it, changing the angle or pressure to prolong the feeling and take her higher. She didn't even recognize the sound of her voice, calling and pleading him, whispering to moans and then raising to voice his name in an urgent refrain. His determined hands were everywhere, stroking her skin, pulling her legs around his hips to clasp him closer. And she couldn't stop touching him, couldn't stop caressing his arms, shoulders, and waist as she pulled him closer again and again.

When he finally let her go Kensi nearly lost all sensation of herself, her mind exploding in a shower of intense release. As she quickly came back to sense her body she could tell Deeks was close, and with a few strokes and murmured words against his neck he followed her over, gasping her name, his weight collapsing against her.

They both breathed quickly and deeply lying in almost stunned silence but the exertion quickly subsided. Deeks rolled partially away from her, not breaking the contact of skin but lifting some of his weight from her and removing the condom. When he came back to her Kensi hummed with contentment as his arms went around her waist, his palms pressing on her back as he pulled her close, tucking her front against his chest. She nestled her face a breath away from his on the pillow, feeling drowsy and content.

She didn't really want to fall asleep though, so she fought the tendrils of exhaustion that seemed to sneak at the edges of her consciousness. The feeling of Deeks holding her, the knowledge that there truly was nothing between them now, it was too breathtaking for her to simply submit to sleep. Deeks seemed to be fighting a similar battle, his stroking hands over her back and from her hip to her shoulder beginning to slow and still. Just when she wondered if he'd fallen asleep his voice rumbled in her ear, his tone pitched low with intimacy.

"Just a point of clarification: I might be a guy in my thirties but I'm definitely not single."

Kensi opened her eyes to find Deeks looking at her through half-lidded eyes, his expression full of the kind of deep love that made her heart skip a beat. Kensi smiled softly, reaching up to rest her hand against his neck, against the strong cords of muscle and his steady pulse under his chin.

"Okay, for that you do get credit."

Deeks chuckled, the sound reverberating against her fingers. And Kensi closed her eyes against the softness of his lips on her forehead as he kissed her gently, his breath fanning over her hair the last sensation that registered as she drifted off to sleep.


	17. Chapter 17

****Please see previous chapters for ratings, disclaimer, etc. Note this story is rated M starting with Chapter 16. Mostly just suggestive in this chapter but consider this your warning.  
><strong>****Note: **Thank you for the alerts, favorites, and reviews! I'm touched that several of you take the time to review consistently and I'm pleased the story inspires you enough to do so. We're still on a little diversion away from the bank robbery undercover but rest assured the story will be veering back there soon. In the meantime, some more Kensi backstory. Many thanks to my beta, the wonderful ****MioneAlterEgo, ****who catches so much, always has good suggestions and (trust me) makes this story better. Thanks for reading and for taking the time to leave a review if you do.

* * *

><p>"Marty."<p>

The sound of his name was gently insistent but Deeks ignored it, turning his head to burrow deeper in the bed, his hand sifting through the sheets and reaching for Kensi.

"Marty, over here."

Deeks turned his head towards the sound, lifting his eyelids just barely to take in the sight of Kensi, fully dressed and leaning over the bed. He stretched with a yawn, his body feeling loose and relaxed in a way that only seemed to result from really good sex.

"What are you doing up? Come back to bed," Deeks murmured, closing his eyes against the gray light of dawn he could see beginning to seep through the curtains of the bedroom. When Kensi didn't respond either by speaking or climbing into bed he cracked his eyes open, feeling much more awake when he saw the anxiety tightening Kensi's face and darkening her eyes.

"What's going on? Did you hear from the hospital?" Deeks asked, sitting up quickly. Kensi shook her head.

"No, nothing from the hospital. I wanted to be there in a few hours. But—" Kensi paused, swallowing roughly. "But there's somewhere I'd like to go first, something I'd like to do. Will you come with me?"

Although he was curious, Deeks held his questions. He nodded quickly, rising from the bed and reaching for his clothes. Before he ducked into the bathroom he paused to kiss Kensi, his hand cupping her face and his lips warmly insistent on hers. Despite the edginess clear on her face she still melted against him. Although he worried at what had her tense he reasoned it couldn't be too bad if he was still able to distract her.

Showering quickly and dressing hurriedly in jeans and a blue t-shirt Deeks took the stairs down to the first floor two at a time, finding Kensi in the kitchen pulling on a hooded sweatshirt. She was fumbling with the zipper, her fingers shaking a little and he reached forward with steady hands, finding the zipper and tugging it midway up her chest. She didn't say anything, just gave him a grateful smile, and she handed him the car keys and led the way from the house.

A little puzzled and beginning to feel a lot worried, Deeks followed her to the car. The early morning fog was rolling in from the ocean in thick clouds as Deeks got in the car, starting the engine and turning to Kensi.

"Okay, Kens. Where to?"

He kept his tone calm and measured, belying the curiosity he felt. She directed him south with as few words as was required and then they turned west, driving out along a wide and tapering peninsula. When they finally turned towards an ornate gate, the sign becoming clear through the fog, Deeks understood.

_Cabrillo National Monument and Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery._

Feeling a lump forming in his throat Deeks glanced at Kensi as she studiously faced forward, pointing him to turn to the left. She refused to look at him but he didn't take it personally. He had a feeling Kensi was barely keeping it together and she was doing what she was good at: focusing on the end point and pushing through the pain.

When she finally tugged on his arm he took it as his signal to stop, putting the car in park and turning the engine off. He was completely silent but refused to look anywhere except at Kensi as she stared down at her hands folded in her lap.

He thought back to the night before and images of her while they made love swirled through his mind. After that first time he'd woken a few hours later and hadn't been able to stop himself from touching and kissing her awake. And Kensi had returned the favor another few hours later, taking charge and reminding him that between the two of them she tended to be more dominant. Neither of them had gotten much sleep the night before.

The lingering memories were etched in his mind and the images assailed him even when he tried not to let them be the first thing he thought of. Of her head thrown back, her body cradling his, her entire body and soul open to him. That moment in the car, the air full of intimate quiet, was no different than what they'd shared the night before. There was closeness and knowledge between them that hadn't existed before and couldn't be hidden or denied. When she finally lifted her head to look at him he saw the still healing pain of the little girl and teenager she'd been when she lost her parents. She wasn't quite his Kensi right then, but he realized he was seeing more of her than she'd ever shared with anyone before.

Deeks knew saying words of sympathy wouldn't really help. They'd both lost their parents but in vastly different ways. There was pain associated with his losses, but Kensi's loss was unquestionably deeper.

"You want company?"

Kensi shook her head slowly, then turned to look towards the rolling hill to her right. The sun was just beginning to rise from the east, the light flitting in shafts through the fog.

"I think I'll be okay. But just, uh, if I—will you—"

"I'll come if you need me," Deeks finished Kensi's stumbling words for her. She shot him a grateful smile as she turned to exit the car. Deeks stayed in the car, his eyes riveted to her back as she began to walk over the damp grass, weaving between the rows and lines of grave markers. His eyes never left her as she finally came to a stop several hundred feet off the road, her head bowed as she stood in front of markers too far away for him to read.

It wasn't the hardest thing he'd ever done, watching Kensi struggle alone with her pain and loss. But it was by no means easy for him not to be next to her, holding and comforting her. He was glad that at a minimum she'd asked him to come with her.

The car engine clicked and cooled in the damp morning air and Deeks kept his eyes steady on Kensi's back. Maybe ten minutes had passed when Kensi looked back at him, turning her head over her shoulder to lock her eyes with his. That look, and the hunching of her shoulders, was all the signal he needed. He was out of the car and striding purposefully across the lawn before he had the conscious thought to move, mindful of where he stepped but choosing the quickest path to Kensi.

As he got closer Deeks could tell she was shivering and tears ran down her face, damply falling to dot her sweatshirt. With her dark eyes swimming with tears he pulled Kensi close, tucking her cold body against his, her head coming to rest on his chest. She cried silently and his shirt absorbed her tears, but he couldn't be bothered to care at the damp cloth. Her arms were locked around his waist and he kept his arms around her shoulders and back, moving them up and down to try and warm her.

Deeks knew he couldn't possibly take away her pain as much as he wished he could. But he could be there for her, be whatever silent listener, inquisitive detective, annoying chatterbox or whatever else she needed. He was still learning to gauge the appropriate response to different situations but the one thing he'd already learned was that just being there for Kensi was the most important part. The rest would fall into place.

The breeze coming off the ocean lifted away the fog and shimmered through the leaves of the alder and cypress trees dotting the hillside. Deeks looked around as he hugged Kensi close, thinking that if you had to be buried somewhere this wasn't a bad spot to be. He glanced down at the marker in front of them that designated two graves, knowing before he looked what the surname on the marker would be.

Rourke Andrew Blye. Marie Schayer Blye.

Deeks knew Kensi had stopped crying when her arms around him loosened and she stepped a bit away from him, rubbing away the tears on her face with one hand while the other stayed at his waist. He gently pushed her hand away, caressing her face in his hands before casually turning her so she was tucked against his side, his arm slung over her shoulders. Something told him if she wanted to talk it would be easier for her if she didn't have to look right at him.

"When Mom died my dad had her buried here. I guess he always intended to be here too, because that's what his will said he wanted."

Hesitating, but also too curious not to ask, Deeks finally spoke. "Have you been here before?"

Kensi shrugged in a way that told him she was trying to be nonchalant, but she didn't fool him. "Once or twice. But not often. Since I moved to Los Angeles, only once. After Dom was killed."

Deeks was silent, wondering about the partner he'd replaced. From what little she'd said he knew they hadn't been close friends. But his death had hit her hard, had hit the entire team hard. There were still the shadows of the young agent here and there. He'd heard the worried whispering when he'd been shot the year before, had caught a few stray words and conversations from people around OSP after he'd recovered.

"I should be able to do this on my own."

Kensi's voice was angry with frustration at herself. She folded her arms over her chest and looked up at Deeks with a mixture of helplessness and need that he knew had to bother her.

"Hey, no. This is exactly the kind of thing you shouldn't have to be alone for. That's why you have friends who care about you. That's why you have me."

Kensi's frustration softened slightly at his words and she turned her body towards his, releasing some of the tension in her body by slipping an arm back around his waist.

Clearing his throat, Deeks spoke again. "So I guess I see where you got your middle name from."

Kensi nodded, her eyes shifting to her mother's name. "Mom was from a very traditional Jewish family in New York City. She was the only daughter of a banker and marrying an Irish Catholic, even a non-practicing one, wasn't something that endeared her to her family. Their disappointment didn't last long though; both her parents died soon after Mom and Dad eloped."

Deeks exhaled a regretful breath. "No family left on that side? What about your dad's family?"

Kensi shook her head sadly, clearly counting off the family she'd had, both known and never met, that had slowly whittled down to just her. "They were the rare Catholic family where he was the only child. Dad's parents died when I was little. We traveled so much that I never really spent much time with them."

"And your dad, Rourke? He had kind of an unusual name."

Kensi smiled fondly. "Dad's side of the family was about as pure Irish as you can get. Blye is Irish and Rourke means 'champion' or 'savior.' I remember once he told me that telling women the meaning of his name was a great pickup line. Until he met my mom. She was the one person the line didn't work on, and that's how he knew she was the one. She made him work for her."

Deeks couldn't help but laugh heartily at her words, shaking his head. Kensi raised her eyebrows curiously. Deeks tried to calm his laughter.

"I'm sorry, I just feel a sudden kinship with you dad. I can relate to his plight, having the line that works on all the ladies, and then finding the one woman it doesn't work on and she's the one girl he wanted it to work on," Deeks said, lifting Kensi's hand to rub his thumb into her palm. Her fingers flexed and folded around his thumb and he smiled softly at the involuntary movement, raising his eyes to Kensi's knowing eyes. "You were awfully immune to my charm when we first met."

Kensi's lips curved into a slight smile. "Is that what you call it? 'Charm'?"

Deeks shrugged. "Okay, we can call it charm and persistence. I did eventually wear you down."

Kensi's answering laugh was quietly affectionate. "Yes, you did."

Deeks was silent as he rubbed a hand up and down Kensi's back, turning his eyes back to the grave marker.

"And I suppose he must have worn her down eventually."

Kensi smiled softly, her grin widening as she nodded slowly. "He did. We Schayer-Blye women like persistence. Even when it may seem like we don't."

Her tone was teasing and Deeks smiled back, leaning down to touch his forehead to Kensi's. She stilled and closed her eyes under his watchful gaze. She kept her eyes closed for several minutes and he silently waited, wanting Kensi to have the comfort of silence and the time to work through what she was thinking.

When she finally spoke her tone was low and a little rough with emotion. "I think he would have liked you. He might have been a little confused by you at first but I think he would have come around."

Knowing how much Kensi's father meant to her, how she treasured the memory of her father, and her belief that such an important person to her could have accepted him made Deeks a little lightheaded. She'd said the words the day before and while a part of him had never felt happier, there was also a part of him that couldn't quite accept that he could possibly be that important to her. But even he, filled with self-doubt and insecurity, couldn't deny what she was saying or the genuine feeling in every gaze and touch.

"You think so?" Deeks replied, finding his own voice uneven with feeling. Kensi nodded her forehead against his, finally opening her eyes to stare into his eyes.

"I do."

"I wish I could have met him." Deeks paused, considering and weighing his next words carefully. He wasn't really sure it was the time or place but ever since she'd told him two weeks back about her father's death he'd been curious. "What happened to him? How did he die?"

Kensi was quiet for several long minutes and Deeks wondered if she was going to answer, or if she would pretend he hadn't asked. "The official cause of death was blunt force trauma, which the coroner ruled was a result of being hit by a car. His body was found along the freeway about twenty miles outside of Fort Sill. There was an investigation but they could never determine what he was doing out there. There were no drugs in his system, alcohol levels were low and he had no other discernible injuries. The guys he was drinking with said he left the bar shortly before midnight and they never saw him again. His death was ruled accidental."

"But you don't believe that."

Kensi sighed deeply, shaking her head against his neck as she turned in his arms. "I don't know what to believe. There was no evidence of foul play. But the lack of answers has always bothered me. But I've seen his case file. Although it's mysterious there's nothing suspicious about it. It just bothers me that it was a senseless accident."

Deeks rubbed a hand over Kensi's shoulders in the only comforting gesture he could think of. She nudged closer to him, fitting her body tightly against his.

"Maybe I could look at the case file sometime? New eyes, you know?"

Kensi lifted her eyes to his, smiling softly. She reached up with one hand, cupping his face as she kissed his cheek. "I'd like that, thank you."

Silence fell over them again and Deeks listened to the sounds of distant waves crashing along the rocky cliff several hundred feet below them and the far off cries of sea gulls in the wind. He couldn't help but be curious what had pushed Kensi to want to make this visit but he wanted her to have the time to tell him herself. It wasn't always easy, not peppering her with inquisitive questions. But he'd learned it could be an effective tactic in helping her become ready to talk.

"You're probably wondering why I wanted to come here this morning," Kensi said quietly, her voice low next to his ear. He shrugged nonchalantly.

"I'm a little curious, yeah. You know I'd go with you anywhere, Kensi. All you have to do is ask," Deeks replied. Kensi shifted from foot-to-foot and Deeks recognized the uncomfortable movement as her method of stalling. Deciding to try and give her a chance to come out from under her emotions, he lightened his tone. "I mean, after the night we had I'm not sure I was expecting you to be in tears. Unless that's your way of trying to tell me something?"

Kensi fixed him with an exasperated look. "Yes, this is my way of telling you you're bad in bed."

Her voice was dry but Deeks smiled a little at the undercurrent of humor there. It had been his goal to lighten the mood a little, to give Kensi the chance to emotionally pull back if she needed to, or regroup to continue if she wanted.

"Well, now I know you're lying. I have it on pretty good authority that I am fantastic in bed."

Kensi rolled her eyes, her lips teasing into a slight smile. "Do those kinds of lines actually work on women? You are so conceited sometimes."

Deeks shrugged unapologetically, leaning down to nuzzle her ear, his lips finding the spot below her ear that he knew made her breath quicken. He smiled at the expected reaction, keeping his voice low. "Yeah, but you kind of like that about me."

Kensi studiously kept her eyes from his face and his grin deepened as the blush staining her cheeks confirmed his words. His distraction seemed to have worked for a few minutes but Kensi's eyes eventually drifted back to the grave markers and her expression turned reflective. Her hand at his hip tightened and her fingers on his arm tapped in a nervous rhythm he recognized as her own personal stalling tactic taking physical form. When she finally spoke her voice was quietly worried.

"I was so nervous about bringing you with me but I wanted you to come. I've spent almost my whole life trying to be strong, trying not to show how much losing them hurt."

Kensi glanced down at the markers bearing her parents' names. She glanced back at Deeks, her eyes a little tired. Although the visit to the cemetery had seemed to start out as a therapeutic visit for Kensi, it was quickly shifting to a deeper conversation between them about some of the still unsaid complexities about who they were, both together and separately. "But after everything we've been through I didn't want to hide it anymore. Last night meant more to me than I could ever say. And I'm not good with words. But I get the feeling that you don't think enough of yourself to believe that I could need you as I do." Kensi paused then, her voice stumbling slightly over the word _need_, then she seemed to gather the courage to continue. "I don't know how to explain how important you are to me. So I thought maybe if I brought you here you would understand."

Deeks fought against the disbelief that automatically reared up inside his mind. Deep down he was having a hard time believing Kensi could admit to needing him. Coming from her the words were huge. But after almost a lifetime of reinforced rejection he still had a hard time accepting what Kensi was saying to him. And she seemed to read his hesitation, seemed to see and understand his internal struggle. And the determined light in her eyes told him she wouldn't let it go, wouldn't let him get away with not believing her. Needing to get the words out he pushed on, speaking before Kensi could continue.

"I understand now. I do, really. I just still have a hard time believing I could be that important to you," Deeks said quietly. Kensi fixed him with curious eyes.

"Am I important to you?"

"Are you kidding? I've never felt for anyone what I feel for you. I didn't even think it was possible to love someone this much. I would do anything for you," Deeks replied earnestly. Kensi laid her hands flat on his chest over his heart, fixing him with a direct stare.

"And I feel the same about you. Nobody else in my whole life has ever meant what you do to me. Why can't you believe me?" she asked, again finding the root of the issue at hand. His insecurities leftover from his childhood, from being unwanted by the LAPD, to feeling like he could never measure up to Jack, seemed to be constantly tripping him up. Deeks sighed deeply.

"I don't know, I do believe you, or at least I think I do—"

"Marty." Kensi stopped him with his name and he closed his mouth, looking at her. "I'm telling you the truth. We're in this together. We're in everything together. Partners, friends, lovers, everything. I need you to know I'm telling the truth and believe me."

Deeks looked down at Kensi, seeing that incredibly stubborn light in her eyes, the one he'd seen when she diligently worked a case, when she'd begun to learn to surf or when she handily put him in his place time and time again. And somehow, a weight he didn't even realize he'd been carrying lifted from his shoulders. He did believe her. Fully and without question. And it nearly knocked him off his feet.

Because words had never really been their strong suit Deeks just nodded slowly, feeling wonder at how Kensi's eyes softened as she read the change in him. Her arms went around his waist and she drew her body close to his, turning her head to rest her ear over his heart. His arms clasped her close, one hand going to rest at the nape of her neck.

"Now that we're clear on all that, we should probably go," Kensi mumbled against his chest, raising her eyes to look at him. Deeks brushed the hair from her face, seeing her eyes clear of nervousness. There was still a tinge of pain and sadness swirling in the dark depths but the overwhelming emotion he saw was shining happiness. And that seemed to come when she looked at him. There was a tightness in his chest that he could only think to explain as the full weight and measure of the love Kensi felt for him. She must have seen the same in his eyes because she merely smiled, then leaned up on her toes so she could kiss him, her lips insistent.

Deeks closed his eyes and kissed her back, tasting love, forgiveness and acceptance against the warmth of her mouth. Feeling as though things could get very heated very quickly, Deeks reluctantly pulled back, turning Kensi towards the car with an arm around her shoulder. She gave him a smirk and as if she realized the affect her touch had, her hand around his waist drifted up and under his shirt, tickling his side with light fingers. Deeks managed not to pull away from her touch but he laughed and took her hand in his to stop her.

"There's no ocean I can throw you in right here but you can bet I'll find a way to get my revenge."

Kensi winked at him as she got in the car. "Promises, promises."

Deeks shook his head in amusement as he shut the car door for her. Coming around the driver's side he slid into the car, reaching forward to start the engine. Before putting the car in gear he glanced over at Kensi, finding her staring out the window towards her parents' markers. Reaching forward, he took her hand in his, twining his fingers with hers and squeezing tightly. She turned her eyes back to him and he was relieved to see that her eyes were less haunted by memories.

"Let's go see Diane."

Deeks nodded quickly, as ever ready to do as she asked.

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><p>After a quick stop for coffee and muffins they arrived at the hospital at the still early Saturday morning hour before eight. They quietly made their way to Diane's room, finding her picking at a tray of food with no effort to hide her dissatisfaction. Kensi shared a quick smile with Deeks, entering the room with him close behind.<p>

Diane's face quickly turned to a smile, her warm brown eyes clearly communicating how happy she was to see them. Her eyes widened and lit with anticipation as she saw and smelled the fresh coffee and muffins Deeks was holding in his hands.

"Marty, if you tell me there's a coffee in your hand and muffin in that bag for me then you're my new favorite son," Diane said almost desperately. Deeks laughed and moved to place one of the coffee cups on her tray, then opened the bag so she could see inside and make her choice of the muffins.

"I'd leave the orange and cranberry muffin for Kensi. Those are her favorite and she might take offense," Deeks whispered in a voice that didn't really attempt to be quiet. Kensi shot him a glare before she took the bag from his hands after Diane chose a blueberry muffin. He noticed with barely contained satisfaction that she quickly found and selected the orange and cranberry muffin before she tossed the bag back to him.

"Kensi, honey, it's not a bad thing for someone to know you as well as Marty does," Diane admonished slightly. Kensi looked a little chagrined but refused to look at Deeks as if she sensed the wide grin on his face. She quickly polished off her muffin and leaned forward to rest her elbows on the bed at Diane's side. Deeks came around to sit in the chair next to Kensi's, draping his arm along the back.

"How did you sleep, Diane? How are you feeling?"

Deeks watched as Diane shifted to sit up a little straighter and Kensi immediately stood to help her. He caught the discomfort on Diane's face, tucked quickly away from Kensi's watchful eyes. And he couldn't help but think that Kensi may have gotten some of her stubborn nature from her surrogate mother.

"I feel better. But much more tired than I would like. And I wish I knew why since all I've done for the last day is lie in a bed," Diane grumbled. Kensi smiled fondly.

"You had a heart attack. I'd say that's enough to tire anyone out for awhile."

Diane patted her hand gently, shooting Kensi a grateful gaze. "I know, honey. Being in the hospital just isn't my favorite place to be. It reminds me a little too much of when Cody was hospitalized for all those months."

From his vantage point next to Kensi, Deeks could see the tensing of her back and shoulders. And he knew where her mind had gone. Back towards guilt and blame. Reaching out, he placed a hand on Kensi's back, warmly reminding her of his presence and reminding her about what they'd talked about. He knew it would take a long time for Kensi to truly forgive herself for her perceived failures. But when she relaxed just slightly under his touch, it felt like progress.

"When do you think they'll release you? Has Doctor Parker come and given you the results of your tests?"

Diane was shaking her head at Kensi's questions when the doctor entered the room, giving them a quick smile and greeting. While he conversed with Diane, taking her vitals and asking her about how she was feeling Kensi sat back in her chair, reaching for Deeks' hand without looking. And he was right there just as she expected him to be.

The doctor finished and turned to all three of them as he spoke. "We've gotten the results of the EKG and blood work back. Normally we'd want to install a stent within twelve hours of a heart attack. Although we could still do that, in this case I think a carefully designed drug regimen is preferred. If we get started on that today, with some monitoring today and tomorrow I'd say your mother could come home tomorrow afternoon, maybe the next day at the latest."

Kensi smiled at Diane, seeing the relief in the older woman's eyes. Wanting to be sure, she turned back to the doctor. "Is that really the best option to prevent another heart attack?"

"In my opinion, yes. Bypass surgery is much too extreme since your mother is recovering well. Drugs should help lessen the blockage over time. We'll need to make some changes to diet and exercise but taken together this has the best chance for success."

Kensi looked at Deeks, who merely gave her an encouraging nod in return. Her glance at Diane confirmed that she was in agreement on the doctor's recommendations. The doctor nodded and wrote a few things in the chart, then called a nurse in to describe the drugs he'd ordered. There was a flurry of activity in the room for several minutes as the new drug regimen was set up and the doctor stepped to the side to talk with Kensi and Deeks quietly.

"Even with your mother potentially going home tomorrow you're going to want to make some changes around the house. She's not going to have a lot of strength or the ability to climb stairs or even use the bathroom and take a shower without some assistance."

Kensi traded a glance with Deeks, thinking of the stairs in the house and the bedrooms upstairs. "We'll have to make some arrangements to modify the house so she can get around. Thank you, Doctor."

Doctor Parker nodded and left, leaving Kensi to worriedly chew on her thumbnail. Thinking ahead, she pulled out her phone.

"What are you doing?" Deeks asked.

"Looking for a local handyman company. I was thinking I could call and have them come over and make the modifications to the house. Probably hand rails in the bathroom downstairs, some ramps for the steps inside and out. And her bed and things will need to be moved downstairs—"

Deeks stopped her by reaching for her phone, pulling it from her hands. She stared at him in surprise for a minute, stunned to silence.

"What are you—"

"Don't worry about it, Kensi. I'll take care of it," he replied confidently. Kensi raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"And how will you do that?"

"I spent my summers in high school and college working construction. It was all under the table but I know how to measure twice and cut once with the best of them. I'll head over to the local Home Depot, and take care of making the modifications while you keep Diane company today," Deeks reassured her. Kensi was almost too surprised to be able to respond. Deeks had never shown himself to be particularly handy with tools. As if sensing her disbelief he grinned at her.

"Just because I can't hotwire an alarm system or an airplane doesn't mean I don't know how to do relatively simple home repair. I can handle this," Deeks persisted. Finally, realizing she preferred the option of Deeks taking the lead on the work and also acknowledging it was his way of wanting to help, contribute, and even take care of her a little, she nodded. And his pleased smile and the kiss he gave her on her cheek were worth it.

Deeks backed away from her, going to say goodbye to Diane. Kensi watched from a distance, feeling her heart flutter pleasantly at how he leaned over Diane, his gentle manner and friendly touch working their magic. Diane actually seemed to smile wider and relax a little at his words and his wide and playful smile. Deeks squeezed Diane's hand before letting go, then Kensi followed him outside the hospital room to say goodbye.

"Give me a call later today when you want me to come back and get you, alright?" Deeks urged, his hands coasting over her arms and down to her hands, linking his fingers with hers. She nodded quickly, trying to ignore the slightly silly pang she felt at him leaving.

Deeks reached up to cup her face in his hand and he leaned down to give her a kiss that left her breathless. When her eyelids finally fluttered open again she smiled at the mischievous grin on his face.

"That'll give you something to think about for later tonight. See you later, Princess."

Kensi nodded with a smile, not even bothering to correct him on the nickname. She watched him go, admiring the lean lines of his body and his purposeful stride as he grew smaller and smaller in her field of vision. And when he was just about to turn a corner and disappear from sight he turned around, giving her a last wave and grin, which she easily returned.

Missing him already and not willing to completely succumb to the clingy girlfriend persona, Kensi took a deep breath and returned to Diane, noting the nurses had left and the room was quiet again. Scooting her chair closer to Diane's bed, she smiled at the older woman, feeling a mixture of familiarity and discomfort.

It had been a long time since she'd really spoken to Diane. Almost ten years since they'd had a real conversation. Kensi could still remember the late night conversations when she'd been in high school, still feeling lost from losing her father and overwhelmed by having a new family, new school and a completely different life than she'd expected. But looking into Diane's kind and understanding face, Kensi felt all that time melting away. Diane was still the same caring woman who had accepted her as a daughter and had given her nothing but unconditional love.

And she proved it once again when she reached for Kensi's hand, clutching her fingers tight in hers, her eyes turning concerned and serious. "Kensi, I can tell you've been through a lot the last few years. I know you're a different woman now. Goodness, I can hardly believe how much you've grown. I'm so sorry for all the time we've missed. But I want that to change. And I want to hear about your life, whatever you're willing to share with me."

Kensi was quiet, considering Diane's words. She was a different woman. The last ten years had been both kind and difficult in equal measure. She'd found a career and calling that fit her skills. She had meaning in her life. But she'd also lost so much. The pain she'd witnessed and experienced became easier to bear as time passed, but it was still there.

She didn't want to live the lonely life she'd grown accustomed to over the last few years. Her evolving relationship with Deeks was the first and biggest step towards changing that. And Kensi couldn't help but feel like maybe she was getting a second chance with Diane. Whatever the reason, Kensi wasn't going to let that chance go. She smiled softly, squeezing Diane's hand tightly.

Kensi knew there were rules about how much she could tell Diane about her work at NCIS, even though the woman was practically family. It would have been different if Robert and Diane hadn't already known she was an NCIS agent. She would have had to lie to them. Even still she kept many of the details hidden. A big part of that was because Kensi knew Diane would worry if she understood the true danger she faced on a fairly regular basis. But she told her about her training after college, her recruitment to NCIS, her first few years as an agent, and how she'd met Deeks.

Kensi couldn't even attempt to hide the pleasure she got from talking about their partnership. She could look back now at those early and infuriating days with a certain amount of perspective and fondness.

"And how long have you two been more than just partners?" Diane inquired. Kensi tried not to blush under her perceptive gaze.

"Not long. When Marty was assigned to his current undercover mission I think we both realized things between us were more serious. We're still trying to figure it out. And there's a lot to consider. It isn't necessarily a popular or good idea to be romantically involved with your partner," Kensi admitted. Diane looked at her thoughtfully.

"But it's different than how it was with Jack, isn't it?"

Kensi nodded slowly, not feeling quite the same sharp pain as she thought of Jack. "I'll always wish I could have done more for Jack. But I think I finally understand that I can't carry that around the rest of my life. I have to learn to let go and move on."

Diane smiled broadly at her. "I'm so glad that you've found someone who has taught you that. He's so different than the boys you dated in high school, and really quite different from anyone you ever socialized with in those years with us."

Kensi nodded as she thought about those few years of her life spent with the Keppingers. And Diane was right. Deeks couldn't be more different than almost every phase of her life up until the point when they'd met. She laughed at how contrary he was to every set thought she'd had about men she was attracted to.

"Believe me, no one is more surprised than me to find that some loudmouthed cop from Los Angeles could understand me better than anyone else. But Marty's full of surprises. He keeps me on my toes, he doesn't cave when most men would be intimidated and he pushes me even when I don't really want him to. I used to think that because I grew up all over the world that I somehow had this greater understanding of how the world works," Kensi said thoughtfully. Diane tilted her head to the side curiously.

"And now?"

"Marty understands more about people than I ever could. I've seen his instinctive way of relating even to perfect strangers. It's one of the reasons he makes a good cop. And he got that just by growing up in one place and experiencing what wasn't always an easy life."

"You admire him." At Kensi's slightly surprised expression, Diane smiled softly and nodded knowingly. "And you're proud of him. The way he watches you is the same. It's a lovely thing to see, Kensi."

Kensi stayed silent, not sure how to respond. It should have bothered her that Diane could read them both so well. But like Deeks, Diane had also always been good at reading people. And ten years didn't seem to have tempered that. As if sensing her grasping for words, Diane continued, her voice gentle.

"I heard from Robert earlier this morning before you got here. He and Cody should be here in about three days." Diane was quiet, then she cleared her throat. "He was so sorry for all the trouble this has caused you. I know he's not the easiest man but he does care about you."

Kensi tried to tamp down the flare of her anger, knowing that Diane didn't deserve the brunt of her feelings. She couldn't completely contain it though and her response came out a little more sharp and hurt than she would have liked.

"He has a funny way of showing it. Ten years and he can't be bothered to talk to me? What am I supposed to think about that?"

Diane sighed, lacing her hands together in her lap. "If you can, I think you forgive. He's a proud and stubborn man. And instead of saying what he feels he can bulldoze and try to control. You know, I used to watch the two of you argue when you were a teenager and past all my worry about how it tore the both of you up and apart, I could see how similar you were."

Kensi gaped at Diane, not sure if she should be insulted. Diane held up a hand defensively.

"Hear me out. Neither of you has ever been very good at admitting your mistakes. You're both so headstrong that you sometimes can't see the forest for the trees. And when you think you're right there is no convincing you otherwise. It's why the two of you clashed so frequently. I could never figure out how to get you both to see that and then Robert's inability to try and understand drove you away," Diane finished sadly, her eyes troubled.

Kensi was quiet for a moment, able to see some of the truth in Diane's words. It didn't excuse years of estrangement and rejection but it did help explain it. And understanding felt like it could be the first step towards forgiveness. And she could admit some of the part she'd played.

"It was my fault too," Kensi said quietly. "I might have been driven away, but I stayed away. And I'll forever be sorry for that, for the hurt I caused all of you."

Diane sniffled a little and Kensi met her tearful eyes with her own, reaching forward to take Diane's hand in hers.

"I think it's time for all of us to move past this. I hope you'll give Robert a chance to explain when he gets here," Diane said hopefully. Kensi nodded, still feeling a little skeptical but willing to do what Diane asked. She thought of Deeks again, thinking that forgiving and moving on seemed to get easier with him to remind her that there were good things in her life.

Their conversation was relaxed and easy the rest of the afternoon and early evening. It had been years since Kensi had been able to talk unguardedly about much in her life. Diane breeched the chasm of her teenage years and her adult life and Kensi found it difficult not to enjoy having someone who had known her for so long. She wondered at Deeks then, thinking that he probably didn't have anyone in his life he could say the same about. Her anger burned as her passing thoughts drifted to his mother, knowing the hurt that woman had caused her son. And she vowed to do everything she could so that he wouldn't feel that kind of pain again.


	18. Chapter 18

******Please see previous chapters for ratings, disclaimer, etc. Note this story is rated M starting with Chapter 16. If adult situations aren't your thing or you're underage you may want to skip the middle third of this chapter.  
><strong>********Note: ****Thank you for the alerts, favorites, and reviews! You guys make it very easy to be enthused about writing this story just to see your reactions. If you're starting to wonder where this is all going and if there's an end in sight you'll be happy to know I finished plotting out the rest of this story in the last week. I'm not sure exactly how much longer it will be, but there is a planned conclusion. And I have to give credit to my fanfic partner-in-crime, **MioneAlterEgo **for the beta reading, especially during the busy holiday season. If you haven't checked out her latest fic, **Operation Mistletoe**, you totally should! We challenged each other to write one-shots and came up with some fun holiday themed stories (mine was titled **Fallout**). And back to **TBT**, thanks for reading and for taking the time to leave a review if you do!

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><p>After lunch and a quick trip to the hospital cafeteria Kensi returned to Diane's room, watching carefully as one of the nurses administered Diane's afternoon medications and checked her vitals to verify she was responding normally to the new drug regimen. The nurse left and as Diane shifted, trying to adjust the bed and position the pillows to a more comfortable position, Kensi moved to help her before reclaiming her chair by Diane's bed.<p>

They'd covered a range of topics that morning but had largely steered away from more detailed conversation about the General. But Kensi knew there was one topic Diane would be more than happy to talk in depth about.

"How is Cody doing? Last time he and I talked it was about a year ago and there was a woman he was dating seriously and thinking about marrying."

Diane's eyes darkened with anger and a touch of sorrow for her son. Concerned, Kensi leaned forward to rest her elbows on the side of the bed, giving Diane her full attention.

"That was Clarissa. It must not have been long after you last spoke to Cody that they broke up. He was ready to propose, even ready to adopt Clarissa's son from a previous relationship. But he was a year into his deployment at that point and she said she was tired of waiting for him. They'd been dating a few years and even though he was always upfront with her that he would go wherever the Marine Corps needed him, she said she was just tired of him being away."

Kensi stilled at Diane's words, thinking back to when she'd barely been twenty years old and in a similar situation. She had certainly missed Jack when he'd been deployed. But at the time it was a life she knew, was used to, and accepted. Soldiers went where they were needed. They and their families sacrificed so much. All for a greater good, but that didn't lessen the missed time and constant worry.

_Semper Fidelis._ Always faithful. For Marines it was more than a motto, it was a way of life. And for their families and people who loved them it had to be something accepted as part of their commitment to them whether they were deployed across the world or relatively safe stateside.

"If she couldn't wait for him, couldn't see what a good man he is, then she didn't deserve him," Kensi replied, her voice full of stubborn conviction. Diane looked her in the eyes and smiled gently, seeing the firm belief lifting her chin.

"He was just so hurt. He thought they were on the same page and wanted the same things from their relationship and from life. I think it hit even harder because of the boy. They live in North Carolina and met when Cody was stationed at Camp Lejeune between deployments. Cody really hated disappearing from his life but Clarissa cut all ties."

Kensi shook her head in amazement. "I can't understand how some women seem to willingly throw away the one person who might just be able to be everything they want and need. It's so hard to find someone like that, why would you ever let it go?"

She thought of Deeks then, thought of how she'd ignored what could have been between them for so long. It had taken nearly losing him in a car wreck, and then his absence from her life for three long months to make her see the same thing. But at least once she'd seen it, despite the bumps of the last few months, he'd persisted and she'd finally acknowledged what she'd previously resisted. And now she couldn't imagine letting him go.

Diane sighed deeply, her empathetic pain for her son shown in the shake of her head and the sadness in her eyes. "It was all so badly timed, too. Not long after they broke up Cody found out he would be coming back stateside and stationed at Camp Pendleton. His tour in Afghanistan ends next month and then he'll be here long term. If only she'd waited and been more patient, they could have moved here from North Carolina."

Kensi reached forward and laid a reassuring hand on Diane's forearm. "I know it had to be difficult, but it may have been for the best. If she wasn't willing to wait for him long enough, even if they might have been happy for a while that doesn't say much for their long term success as a couple. Putting off an inevitable separation to years down the line would have only hurt the boy more. And Cody, too."

Diane nodded regretfully, her eyes turning towards the single window in the room. Kensi followed her gaze, noting the early fog had burned off and the sun shone brightly, the color of the sky a brilliant blue that hinted at the warm spring.

She thought about Cody, the closest thing to a brother she'd had as a teenager. Although they hadn't lived together long when she'd come to live with the Keppingers, he'd been easily and effortlessly inclusive and protective of her as a normal brother might have been. She smiled as she thought of Sam and Callen, the brothers of her adult life.

They'd had their share of rivalries too. Cody had expected her to be far more girly than she'd ever been, even on her least tomboyish day. And she'd reveled in being able to prove herself to him, fully able to admit now that with the death of her father she'd been searching for someone to fill that empty space in her heart. The General as a father figure hadn't quite fit and neither had Cody. Nothing had ever really assuaged that hurt, no matter how much she tried to find someone or something that might make the feeling go away. It had taken years but she was finally coming to see that there wasn't a person or thing that would fix the pain. It was just time and her own ability to find peace with her life and history.

Thinking back to Cody, Kensi smiled broadly. "So this means that Cody will be stationed here soon? That's great news. I like the idea of him being close enough that I can visit and see you both."

"It will be wonderful to have him close by. I just hope maybe he'll find someone who makes him happy. I want him happy. But I also want grandchildren," Diane said stubbornly, to which Kensi laughed softly.

"First let's find him a nice woman who appreciates him," Kensi suggested.

Diane sighed in relenting agreement, then her eyes brightened. "I don't suppose you have any nice friends who could see what a wonderful man Cody is? Any girlfriends looking to settle down?"

Kensi shook her head, grimacing a little as she thought of her nearly completely absent social life. "My job doesn't leave me much time to spend with friends. And since I can't tell anyone the truth about what I do it doesn't make it easy to form lasting friendships."

Diane nodded slowly, her eyes turning sympathetic as she seemed to realize how Kensi's life was more often than not a little lonely and isolating. Then she turned her shrewd eyes to Kensi and gave her a closely examining look.

"You have a nice man who appreciates you." Diane paused and Kensi had to resist squirming in her chair under her surrogate mother's inquisitive brown eyes. "So when can I expect some grandchildren?"

Kensi blushed, unable to stop her mind from immediately casting back to the conversation she'd had with Deeks the night before, how they'd both bared their souls and spoken about their fears and hopes for the possibility of more in their lives. For the chance of children and a family. They'd danced around the direct association to their status as a couple but the connection had been plain to both of them. Even knowing that, she wasn't ready to do more than mull the possibilities over in her mind. It felt too fresh and new, and too private, to share with anyone other than Deeks.

"I wouldn't expect them anytime soon," Kensi said gently. Diane's eyes brightened.

"And here I was expecting you to outright deny the possibility. This is certainly good news. Don't worry, honey, I can be patient," Diane reassured her. Kensi shook her head in barely exasperation even though she could hardly contain her amazement that Diane had managed to effectively manipulate her into revealing more than she'd intended.

When Kensi looked back at Diane she saw that her face had turned serious and she looked as though she wanted to say something but she hesitated, uncertainty plain on her always open face.

"What is it, Diane? You can ask me anything," Kensi said quietly.

"I don't want to ask you something you can't answer and put you in the position where you think you have to lie to me," Diane replied hesitantly. Realizing there was the very real possibility that she would have to do just that, Kensi sighed.

"If I can't answer I'll just say so. I won't lie to you."

"This undercover assignment you and Marty are on right now, is it dangerous?"

Kensi felt a regretful tug at her heart. She knew what Diane was getting at, knew that Diane was worried for her safety. And Kensi wished there was some way she could ease her mind. Diane continued on, her voice quiet and reflective.

"Being a Marine's wife, and being the wife and mother of a son during a time when our country's military serves in combat, it isn't easy. I knew what I was getting in to when I married Robert. And I knew early on when he was a boy that Cody would follow in his father's footsteps. But when we got you I was certain a different sort of path would be your future. And I was relieved." Diane looked Kensi straight in the eye. "You're an adult and you make your own choices. But as something of a mother to you I can't help wishing you'd chosen different. I want you safe."

Kensi was shocked to silence. During the time when she'd argued with the General about her choices, from marrying Jack to joining NCIS, it had always been the General countering what she'd decided. Diane had been silent and supportive, never quite willing to take sides. But hearing her now, Kensi had a feeling that as a teenager Diane's stance would have been difficult for her to hear.

Amazingly, Diane's worry didn't raise Kensi's ire. She couldn't reassure her to the degree Diane might have liked, but she could acknowledge her fears and accept them. Reaching out, she squeezed Diane's hand tightly.

"It is dangerous. But every day in my job has the possibility of danger for me."

The worry in Diane's eyes deepened and she took a deep, calming breath. "But why do you do it?"

"Because there's nothing else I could quite imagine doing. Because I'm really good at it. And even though it didn't start off this way, because Marty is there. He needs me as his partner and I need to be his partner."

Curious, Diane pressed on. "Why did he become a police officer?"

Kensi paused, knowing it was Deeks' story to tell but that he wouldn't mind her sharing some of the generalities with Diane. "He grew up in a bad neighborhood and his home life was rough. But he wanted to help people. And after everything he's been through that is truly remarkable. He makes me want to be a better person. Even when we're arguing and he brings out the worst in me."

Diane smiled fondly, the worry lifted from her eyes but still present. "I suppose I can take comfort in knowing that you look out for each other."

"You can. I can't promise you I won't be in dangerous situations but I will always look out for Marty and I know he'll look out for me," Kensi replied firmly, even while at the back of her mind Callen's concerns echoed insistently.

"I suppose I should be used to it. I've been a wife and mother to Marines my entire adult life. Worry is a constant burden. I do support your choices, Kensi. But so much has gone unsaid in the last ten years, I thought you deserved to know how I felt. I don't want the unsaid things to fester and grow into anger or something that will push you away," Diane said carefully.

Kensi nodded slowly, actually feeling lighter after Diane had spoken about her fears. She felt a little overwhelmed, being faced with the very real and truthful emotions of Diane who worried for her and cared about her like a mother would. It wasn't something she was used to but it wasn't unwelcome. And it was the kind of truthful conversation she'd yet to have with the General. But maybe it was exactly what was needed to mend the rift between them.

It was getting late in the afternoon and Kensi could tell Diane was tired and needed her rest even though she struggled to stay alert, seemingly not wanting to let Kensi out of her sight. It was that motherly affection, something she'd missed and not even realized, that made Kensi glad she might be able to be more a part of Diane's life again.

Insisting Diane needed her rest, Kensi left the hospital in the early evening, calling a cab to take her back to the house in La Jolla. She had a feeling Deeks had probably been busy all day and she didn't want to bother him to come get her.

As she walked up to the front of the house she noted the new wheelchair ramp fit perfectly against the steps leading to the front door. Entering with her extra key she glanced to the right, seeing the front room had been transformed. Where it had been a sitting room that morning it was now a bedroom, the bed from the master bedroom in place. She investigated with a growing sense of awe at all the little things Deeks had done. Little things that added up and made her speechless. Hand rails and bars, ramps all around the first floor, things moved to waist height so that if Diane was in a wheelchair she could reach them. His thoughtfulness nearly undid her.

Suddenly feeling like she urgently needed to see him, Kensi took the stairs two at a time, pushing into the guest bedroom and hearing the water in the shower running. Shedding her clothes quickly, Kensi entered the bathroom, the steam billowing around her and automatically curling her hair. She peeked her head around the shower curtain, smiling at the sight that made her stomach jump pleasantly.

Deeks stood with his back to her, leaning with both palms pressed above his head on the tile wall, his head bowed against the spray of the water and washing shampoo from his hair. He lifted his head, letting the water hit him in the face and she watched as he rubbed a hand over his jaw, through the scruff, rinsing the soap away. She might have stood there a while longer just to admire the way the water ran down the defined muscles of his shoulders and back but his amused voice echoed out against the walls.

"See something you like?"

Kensi laughed lightly, the sound brightly mixed in with the cascading water. Not hesitating, and wanting the feel of his skin against hers, she slipped into the stall, pressing her naked body against his from behind. He couldn't suppress the shiver that shook his body against hers and she smiled with satisfaction, her hands going around his waist to press against his chest. When his hand went to cover hers, squeezing warmly, she turned to rest her head between his shoulder blades, allowing the warm water to soak into her hair and cover her.

She wanted to thank him for everything he'd done but words didn't seem like enough. He'd put everything on hold to be with her, to help her when he didn't have to. He'd given so much of himself for a family he barely knew. All for her.

The silly and romantic side of her couldn't help but be awed and overwhelmed. But the rational side of her also knew that Deeks never saw it as a choice. She needed him. So he would be there. Simple as that.

Although she enjoyed the easy comfort that had developed between them the last few weeks, she was also impatient to feel him intimately pressed against her, holding her close and slowly losing control as he moved in and around her. She let her hands drift over his chest, felt the steady rise and fall of his quickening breath.

When Deeks finally turned in her arms to face her Kensi smiled at the answering grin on his face, the water trickling into her eyes and blurring her view. Although she'd seen him wet and dripping from the ocean on many occasions, water sluicing down over the muscles of his body, she couldn't quite remember the same heat pooling low in her stomach that she felt when she let her eyes drift from his face down his broad shoulders and lean body.

Anxious to feel his mouth against her she lifted her face, finding Deeks grinning at her slow gaze and appreciation of his body. She couldn't bother to be embarrassed. Years ago she probably wouldn't have guessed that the long and angular lines of his surfer's body would affect her as they did. But she didn't have it in her to care anymore. He was what she wanted. And seeing the heat in his eyes and feeling him hardening against her stomach, she knew she was the same for him.

Deeks finally lowered his head, his mouth instantly hot and open against hers. Their kiss was fierce, teeth clashing a little as their lips slid against each other. She gasped as Deeks nipped her lower lip, his hands pulling her lower body flush against his until his mouth left hers and traveled down her neck and continued south, rubbing away the goosebumps his lips caused and leaving open mouthed kisses down her stomach before he paused, now on his knees in front of her.

She realized with the certain and firm pressure of his hands on her that his attention could not be diverted. Kensi had been thinking about him all day and clearly his mind had been on her. And for all usual his rambling thoughts and scattered chattering she was beginning to fully realize how Deeks could be singularly focused when he wanted to be.

Kensi leaned back against the tile wall, letting the cool tile warm against the heated skin of her back as Deeks urged her legs apart with an insistent press of his fingers on her thighs. And when his fingers gently parted her and his mouth expertly pressed, licked, sucked, and stroked her it was all she could do to close her eyes, let her head fall back against the tile, and try to stay standing.

Her chest heaved with her racing heart and the incredible build of aching tension where Deeks was concentrating all his attention. She let one hand drift to his head, her fingers sifting through his wet hair, wanting to feel him. And when his free hand went to her thigh, gripping her leg tight in the same rhythm he'd set with his mouth and tongue she found his fingers with hers and held on tight. Her whole body coiled almost painfully tight, she arched up onto the balls of her feet, muscles tensed and she cried out her release before sliding down the shower wall where Deeks caught her in his arms, her limbs loose as he gathered her tight against him.

The releasing of tension quickly turned her body to trembling and she shook in his arms, gripping his shoulders tight under her hands. Deeks gathered her close, his mouth kissing and nuzzling her neck as she slowly came back to herself. Kensi sat in his lap, her legs on either side of his hips and as she shifted slightly she felt the hard length of him pressing against her.

The water continued to mist over them and she let her hands glide over his body, a wet slide over firm muscle and warm skin. Wanting Deeks closer she pulled her arms tight, bringing their bodies flush. His quick intake of breath as it brought the tip of him to rub against her caught her attention and she opened her eyes to smile at the dazed look on his face.

Kensi reached blindly around the shower curtain, fingers searching for the condoms she'd seen on the counter. Finding what she was looking for, she quickly ripped one open, sheathing him and settling her body over his before he could utter a word beyond a near-hoarse groan.

Kensi took control, using her body leveled over his to push down on him as Deeks caught on, arching his lower body up to meet her. His hands gripped her waist tightly, helping her along as she used his shoulders as leverage, biting her lip between her teeth at the exquisite feel of Deeks straining below her, stretching her to a blissful ache that turned throbbing as she finally settled against him fully.

She stilled her downward movement then, her legs folded under her on either side of Deeks' hips. His hands left her waist to drift up her back then down to her rear, caressing with a gentle and insistent press that had her dipping her head to capture his lips with hers. His tongue slipped past her lips, sweeping over her teeth to rasp against hers. Kensi's hands involuntarily moved to hold his face between them, her palms cradling his jaw.

Even though they were physically connected as intimately as two human beings possibly could be, it was how he looked up at her that really made her heart swell. It was impossible not to see how much she meant to him as his eyes darkened and as his gaze swept over her face repeatedly. Almost as if he was trying to memorize her and make sure she was real. She had the same impulse, to keep her eyes open and watching him to catalog every nuance of emotion that played across his face and that he was unable to hide in his eyes.

And even though they were both expert liars there was no hiding the always unfulfilled longing in the way they kissed. Each kiss was a blissful answer and teased the promise of more. Even though they'd kissed dozens of times Kensi was certain it would never be enough. She would always want more, would always want more of him. Knowing that was a kind of painful relief she knew held danger but she would never willingly give up.

Feeling the slightly unsteady rise and fall of his chest against her breasts she flexed her thighs, lifting up a little before she allowed her body to crash back against his. Deeks moaned against her mouth, a desperate sound that made her smile against his lips and drove her wild. She repeated the movement and the growl deep in his throat made something low in her stomach tighten.

Their movements turned from steady to increasingly frantic and Kensi didn't bother trying to quiet her own panting moans. The sounds of their desperate breathing reverberated all around them until finally Deeks shouted her name, his hands gripping her tight as Kensi threw her head back, her shouted sigh of his name answering him.

The water was beginning to cool when Kensi finally managed to stand, Deeks following her lead to stumble from the shower. She smiled fondly as she watched him half attempt to towel his hair dry, swiping the towel over his body quickly as if he really couldn't be bothered. She was reaching for a towel when Deeks pulled her back towards him, a towel in his arms hugging her from behind. She held the towel at her breasts and couldn't stop the silly grin that formed on her face as he rubbed his hands up and down over the towel to try and get her dry.

She didn't bother with drying her hair and allowed Deeks to lead her back towards the bed, crawling under the covers with him. The last thought she had was of the incredible slide of his skin against hers as his arm went around her waist and pulled her back to his front, his hand lifting her hair so he could warmly press his lips against the nape of her neck.

* * *

><p>Kensi grumbled against the insistent ringing that had woken her from a deeply sated sleep. She shivered as she felt Deeks pull away from her, leaving her back cold. The ringing stopped and his warmth returned, his voice rumbling low near her ear.<p>

"Yeah, Eric. What's up?"

Recognizing it was probably important if Eric was calling, Kensi fought against sleep, concentrating on Deeks' side of the conversation.

"You're done? Already? Okay, what's the next step?"

Deeks' murmured affirmative responses to Eric's runaway chatter on the other end of the line until finally there was silence, followed by Deeks' reluctant sigh.

"I'll catch a train back to Los Angeles this evening. Then we can get started first thing in the morning on Monday. Thanks, Eric. Now you should go home and take the rest of the day off. It's technically Sunday, you know."

Kensi raised her head slightly so she could see the clock on the bedside table. It was Sunday, albeit very early in the morning at just after four. Deeks hung up the phone, his arm reached back around her waist, his warm palm laying flat and low against the bare skin of her stomach and pulling her more firmly against him. She closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying the closeness of him. Of all the things that had come up the last few days, between her past and his, and the underlying concerns of their undercover assignment, their physical closeness was a comfort and addiction she couldn't imagine living without now.

Turning over in his arms she laid her head on the pillow next to his, smiling at the lazy grin on his face as his hands went to her lower back and her breasts pressed pleasantly against his chest. As he leaned in to kiss her warmly one of his hands drifted up to her breast, a finger tracing the swell with familiarity and reverence.

He pulled back slightly, his hand going to smooth her wildly messy hair away from her face she cleared her throat to speak. "Did Eric finish with the malware programming?"

"Yeah, he said I should come back and we can spend a couple days going over the programming so he can teach me what I need to know in order to upload and activate it during the robbery." Deeks paused, his expression turning worried. "Will you be okay without me here?"

_No_ was what she immediately thought, but just as quickly pushed away. She wasn't the kind of desperate girl who needed the man in her life as constant support.

"It's okay to miss me, you know," Deeks said, a knowing smile lifting one side of his mouth.

"I'll be fine," Kensi replied, using the word and knowing he would understand what she was saying, even as she couldn't make herself say it. "And thanks to all the work you did today there's literally nothing I need to do except keep Diane company, bring her home, and take care of her for a few days before Cody and the General get here."

She was chagrined to recall that in her rush to the shower the previous evening, and after the nearly earth shattering sex, she'd never thanked him for his hard work.

"How did you manage to do all that? And get the furniture downstairs?"

Deeks shrugged. "It wasn't hard installing the rails and building the ramps. And I paid the kid next door fifty bucks to help move the furniture downstairs. No big deal."

But it was, and Kensi knew it. Deeks was just that kind of friend, that kind of man, who would help her and go the extra mile without a second thought. He might not have thought it meant much, but she knew different. To her, it meant everything.

"Thank you," Kensi said, her voice deep as she stared into his eyes. Deeks saw the seriousness there and caught her meaning, his eyes turning a little embarrassed at her gratitude.

Even though they were pressed as close as they could be, covered in a sheet and nothing else, Kensi leaned in closer, touching her lips to his and moving them in an insistent press to feel his hot breath against her mouth. Deeks responded eagerly but the kiss stayed slow and languid, her tongue slowly battling with his. Kensi felt her skin beginning to heat against his and she shifted restlessly, her legs rubbing against his.

She bent her knee, lifting her leg to hook around his waist and opening her legs to bring him closer. His quick intake of breath and the response of his lower body against hers had her breaking their kiss as she gasped for air herself.

"I should probably give you a proper send off," she breathlessly suggested with a mischievous grin. At the eager nod of his head she laughed quietly, pulling him close as his arms went around her.

* * *

><p>Walking down the hospital hallway back towards Diane's room Kensi paused at the doorway as she heard Deeks laugh. She smiled at the sound, that unguarded laughter she knew brought a wide grin to his face. Shifting the carrying tray with three cups of coffee in her hands Kensi stayed out of sight, shamelessly eavesdropping as she wondered what Diane and Deeks were laughing about.<p>

"She challenged him to a race over the obstacle course, really?"

"Oh, yes. And not just Cody. Some of his friends were there and she challenged them too."

Kensi smiled at the memory, knowing Diane was referring to the weekend she and Kensi had driven from DC to visit Cody at the Army War College in Pennsylvania. She'd been seventeen and still small and slim for her age. Cody had teased her that there was no way she could endure the rigors of the physical training he and his classmates endured between their normal classes. Never one to back down from a challenge, Kensi had shot back with one of her own: Beat her through the obstacle course or admit he was wrong.

"So what happened?"

"Kensi beat the pants off Cody and three of his friends. They underestimated her, as I imagine people generally do. She was smaller but that only made it easier for her to get through the tight spaces and over the walls. Of course, that was also the rainiest weekend on record in Pennsylvania that year and after finishing she was covered in mud and God knows what else. But her smile." Diane paused and Kensi smiled herself, remembering the look of pride on Diane's face that day. "She knew she'd succeeded and she'd done it all on her own. That was a lesson she learned from her father that she probably still remembers to this day. He made her able to take care of herself. It made it hard for her to ask for help when she needed it but it also made her strong."

"She still has a hard time asking for help," Deeks replied quietly, his voice laced with a yearning Kensi couldn't quite place.

"See, and I was just thinking the opposite. I've watched you two the last few days. She may not say it out loud, but I've seen her look to you more than she ever has to anyone else. And Marty, I can tell how much you want to be there for her. Somehow you think you aren't but you couldn't be more wrong."

Kensi stayed hidden and silent outside the door, warring with the discomfort she felt that Diane had read her and Deeks so well, and a little surprised at the insights she knew were true. The heavy silence in the room was interrupted by Deeks' next curious question.

"What did the General think of Kensi's triumph?"

Diane laughed heartily. "Oh, he loved it! Kensi's father was one of Robert's closest friends and in many ways he loved that he could see Rourke in her. She was an extension of him, all his successes and achievements. And Cody had quite an ego as a young man so Robert wasn't opposed to his son being taken down a peg or two."

Deeks chuckled quietly, probably imagining Kensi's seventeen-year-old self covered in mud. Kensi was about to enter the room when Diane's next words stopped her.

"You don't think much of my husband, do you?"

Her voice had been gently curious and Kensi waited, wondering how Deeks would respond. He'd only really heard the less than complimentary highlights of her younger life with the Keppingers. She knew how protective he could be. And she knew how honest he was.

"I think I really don't know the man. But I know Kensi. And I know how lonely and difficult her life has been at times. And it's hard for me to understand how he could say some of the things he did to her. She's the most amazing person I know. The hardships she's withstood have made her that way. I just wish she hadn't had to endure them alone."

"You're right Marty, and I can't apologize for Robert. That's really between him and Kensi at this point. Nothing would make me happier than if they could mend the rift between them. I have so many regrets that I've missed so much of her life. But I guarantee I won't let that happen anymore. I hope you believe me," Diane replied fervently. Kensi was taken aback, realizing that Diane was looking to Deeks for permission, was looking to him to allow her to be a part of Kensi's life.

"I do. And I get it, family stuff is hard. I don't have a family except Kensi and the people we work with. I can't speak for her but I will always look out for her. You don't need my approval or opinion."

Kensi smiled gently, knowing that while Deeks was certainly right, that his opinion wasn't strictly _needed_, she still _wanted_ it. About all things. They might not always agree (and frequently didn't) but that didn't make her value his opinion less. In fact, because he was willing to argue with her it actually made her seek it out more.

"Perhaps not," Diane replied knowingly, then her tone turned light. "Now, should I tell you about the boy who took Kensi to the prom and tried to get a little too familiar with her?"

At Deeks' enthusiastic response Kensi took that as her cue and she entered the room, eyeing them both suspiciously as she handed coffee around. Diane had long since perfected the art of looking angelic but Kensi could see right through the wide grin on Deeks' face. She sat next to him by Diane's bed, shooting him a warning look as his arm went over the back of her chair, his hand on her shoulder.

"I think we should talk about something else," she announced loudly. Deeks laughed, throwing his head back.

"Are you kidding? Insight into teenage Kensi Blye who put fear into the hearts of horny teenage boys? This is like a gold mine."

"And you're done with prospecting. Diane, don't give him too much ammunition. I'll never hear the end of it." Kensi warned. Diane's brown eyes twinkled and Kensi sighed, sensing she was outnumbered. She shot a quick glance at Deeks. "Don't you have a train to catch?"

He picked up her left hand, examining the watch on her wrist before sliding his fingers over hers, squeezing her hand tight once before letting go. His eyes met hers a little regretfully and he nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I do. It's still an hour away but we'd probably better go so you can drop me off."

Kensi felt the hard lump forming in her throat and she hid it by standing to gather her purse and say goodbye to Diane. Kensi promised she would be back in the morning and then Deeks said his goodbyes, squeezing Diane's hand quickly as she smiled fondly at him.

The drive to the train station was mostly quiet but halfway there when Deeks reached over to take her hand in his she let him, squeezing his fingers with hers and keeping that connection between them.

The San Diego train station was in a historic mission style building with cupolas and a high barrel vaulted ceiling. She parked the car and followed Deeks in as he bought his ticket and checked the departure track for his train.

Feeling unhappy distress that she didn't really know what to do with, she crossed her arms, hugging her own body as Deeks returned to her, gesturing to the departure area.

"My train boards in a few minutes." He paused, his gaze sweeping over her and turning concerned at the obvious tension in her body. "Kens, what's going on?"

Frustrated, she held up her hands in annoyance. "I don't know, okay? I don't like that you're leaving even though I know you need to go."

His slow grin, usually only reserved for when he was appreciating her without her clothes on, only served to fuel her irritation as he seemed to be keenly enjoying her frustration.

"You're going to miss me," Deeks said, his voice pleased and a little surprised. Mildly irritated with him, when he reached for her to pull her close she made a halfhearted attempt to push him away. His arms only tightened around her waist and she relented against his embrace as she felt his mouth against her neck, gentling to kiss her.

"Yes, I'm going to miss you. You stupid jerk."

Deeks chuckled quietly in her ear and she turned in his arms, putting her arms around his shoulders and resting her chin near his neck as he hugged her tight, lifting her from the ground just a little in order to hold her fully against his body before he set her back on her feet. When he started to pull back she tightened her grip, not quite ready for him to see how her eyes were tearing up a little at the thought of him leaving. As if understanding the roiling and unfamiliar feelings tumbling through her head he ran his hands up and down her back with gentle comfort.

When the announcer on the intercom called for boarding for his train Deeks sighed reluctantly. "That's my train. I'd better go."

Kensi nodded and finally released him, swiping at her eyes quickly even though she knew he saw. She was a little exasperated at herself for the weakness of her reaction but the way Deeks was looking at her, with a kind of overcome longing, made her feel a little less self conscious.

When he kissed her it was a fairly quick and modest kiss although the press of his lips was still insistent against hers. She missed his touch almost immediately when he backed away from her, picking up his duffle bag, a smile lifting his lips.

"I'll see you in a few days, Princess."

As if knowing the nickname would annoy and distract her, he gave her a quick wink. She sighed and shook her head, not really able to muster up the irritation but appreciating the gesture all the same. Deeks walked away from her, giving her one last wave as he passed through the terminal door to the trains.

Kensi smiled and held up her hand, keeping her eyes on Deeks until he was no longer in view. Her smile faded quickly but she gathered her courage, reasoning it would only be a few days until she saw him again. They'd been apart plenty of times before.

But even Kensi knew things were different now. Before, the distance wouldn't have bothered them. But now she was already looking forward to when she could get back to Los Angeles, back to Deeks, back to their undercover assignment so they could finish what they'd started and move on to whatever their lives would become once things were back to normal.


	19. Chapter 19

********Please see previous chapters for ratings, disclaimer, etc. Note this story is rated M starting with Chapter 16. No M rated material in this chapter but for the overall story consider yourself warned.  
><strong>************Note: ******My apologies for the slightly longer break between chapters here. The holidays got away from me and the chapters I'm working on right now seem to be taking a bit more time and energy to write. I'll keep posting whenever I have them and they are ready. Thanks to those of you who favorite, alert, read and/or review, your support is always wonderful to see and read. And thanks as always to my beta, ****MioneAlterEgo,**** who took the time to read this through the busy holidays. Thanks for reading and reviewing if you do!

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><p>After his train pulled into Union Station in Los Angeles not quite two hours later Deeks got off quickly, heading to the front curb where he knew a black Challenger would be waiting for him. Throwing his duffel into the back seat he got in the passenger side, giving Sam a quick nod of greeting as they pulled away from the curb and into L.A. traffic.<p>

They were both silent for a few minutes until Deeks remembered back to a few days ago, and that Callen and Sam had been out of the country on assignment.

"You guys get everything squared away wherever you were?"

Sam nodded. "We got it done. How's Kensi?"

"She's okay. Dealing with family stuff."

The silence from Sam was filled with surprise he was unable to completely hide. "I didn't know she had family."

Deeks nodded quickly, unwilling to divulge more than that. If Kensi wanted to fill anyone in on her family that was her decision. As if sensing he wasn't going to get further information from Deeks, Sam fell silent, navigating through the light Sunday evening traffic with ease.

It was dark by the time they pulled into OSP and Sam dropped Deeks off, acknowledging he would see him in the morning. Deeks entered the office, the sound of his footsteps echoing through the near-empty building.

"Mr. Deeks, I trust you left Ms. Blye in good health?"

Deeks turned swiftly at Hetty's silent approach, trying his hardest not to reveal anything about how good Kensi might be after their last few nights together. He figured it was probably inevitable that at some point everyone would figure out or know he and Kensi were romantically involved but he didn't want the confirmation to come from him. Not if he could help it.

Clearing his throat and affecting as innocent an air as he could, he nodded quickly, not missing the slight narrowing of Hetty's eyes. "She's fine. The rest of Diane's family should arrive in a day or two so she'll come back as soon as they can get there. The heart attack was serious but not severe so Diane should make a full recovery."

Hetty smiled with relief for her junior agent. "That is good news. Why don't you go upstairs and get a briefing from Nell? She can fill you in on the latest progress."

Deeks nodded and climbed the stairs to Ops, entering the darkened room to find Nell busily working away, computer screens alive and pulsing with information as she flitted around, checking streaming code and data and making adjustments as she went. He watched her for a moment, smiling fondly at how she seemed at home there. Not unlike himself, Nell had been an odd fit at NCIS at first. But now none of them could quite imagine the place without her there.

As if finally sensing he was there she turned, giving him a wide smile and motioning him towards her. She pointed at the various screens as she spoke. "I'm monitoring yours and Kensi's legends there, keeping track of how often your records are being hit. That activity has pretty much tapered off to nothing in the last week."

"Eric created an alias for me, as well as the fictional aunt in San Diego. In general I've been monitoring the access to hospital records there just to try and see if any suspicious activity crops up. So far not a single ping there," Nell continued, gesturing to the next screen. "And on these last two screens I'm trying to dig more into the financials of Williams, Thompson, and Smith as well as tracking their movements in Las Vegas. They're hiding their money somewhere, I just have to figure out where."

Nell's stubborn voice matched her determined eyes and Deeks grinned at her, shaking his head in amazement. "Well, if anyone can figure it out, it's you."

Nell's expression softened to a smile and then her eyes lit up as she remembered something, picking up her tablet and calling up a program on the screen in front of them.

"And this is a program I created, with a little help from Eric. We looked into the burn phones on the receipt Kensi found in Williams' house. We checked the SIM cards and none of the phones have been activated yet. But this program is monitoring the serial numbers of the phones and as soon as someone uses one of them it'll let us know."

Deeks nodded, impressed at all the watch guards in place. There'd never been anything like this at the LAPD when he was undercover. He knew it was the difference between federal funding for national security and strapped and stretched city funding but he couldn't help but think how his undercover operations would have been so different if he had someone like Nell or Eric looking out for him.

Again thinking back a few days, Deeks laid a hand on Nell's shoulder, causing her to turn her wide eyes to him.

"Are you okay after what happened Friday? In all the rush that afternoon I didn't get to check," Deeks asked gently, feeling guilty about not making sure Nell's exposure to their undercover assignment hadn't adversely affected her. She shrugged and gave him a reassuring smile.

"I'm okay, Deeks. Thanks though."

Deeks nodded in return, still not feeling completely comfortable with how Nell had been exposed. He could handle Kensi out in the field and in the thick of dangerous situations. He didn't worry any less but he knew she was more than capable of handling herself. Nell was a different story. And hopefully it would never be something he would have to think about.

"So you've been tracking the guys in Vegas? Anything of interest there?"

Nell shook her head, tapping the screen to pull up hotel billing information. "Nothing. They're staying at the Luxor but not charging anything too outrageous to their rooms. The credit card on file has a modest limit. I haven't found anything on the gambling they might be doing. I'd guess they're strictly using cash. And if that cash is what was already laundered through their drug cartel source—"

"It's like they're cleaning it twice," Deeks finished grimly. Nell nodded and then sighed with frustration.

"I doubt anything will come up with the cash in Vegas but I'll put out an alert in the system for anything suspicious as it travels through the casinos there."

Deeks nodded in agreement, knowing that whatever cash his suspects were using in Vegas dropping into the cash flow there would be like a cup of water in the ocean. It would be nearly impossible to track, which meant they were back to the first avenue of attack with the bank robbery.

He looked around, having noted that Nell's partner in crime was absent. "Where's Eric?"

Nell smiled fondly, shaking her head. "He left early this morning about five, then came back in the afternoon. Hetty caught him sleeping while sitting up a few hours ago and sent him home. He'll be back in tomorrow to start working with you on the malware."

Deeks stretched his arms and cast a glance around the room, knowing without a doubt Nell had things well under control. "Then I guess I'll go see Hetty. Thanks, Nell. For everything."

Color rose high on Nell's cheeks at his earnest words and wide grin. Shoving his hands in his jeans pockets, Deeks exited Ops, turning around the balcony ledge to find Hetty piling several blankets and pillows near a cot set up by the window. He leaned against the railing, waiting to speak until Hetty straightened to face him.

"Is this my home away from home for the next few days?"

Hetty had the grace to look a little apologetic at the accommodations as she nodded. "We really can't risk you being seen out and about or coming to and from OSP. There may only be a small margin of possibility you would be seen but I would feel more comfortable if you were here. At least until Ms. Blye is back and you can safely resume your aliases."

Deeks nodded in agreement, hearing the underlying concern in Hetty's words. And it made something in him lighter to know she worried about him as if he were one of her agents. It had been easy to get lost in the shuffle of overworked cops at the LAPD. At the time he thought that flying under the radar was exactly what he wanted. But he knew different now. Wanting to belong, when it was the right group of people, was a powerful motivator. So much could change in a short amount of time.

Hetty had turned to leave and Deeks shifted his body around nervously, stopping her at the top of the stairs. "I heard there might be some papers I could sign?"

Deeks kept his voice measured as he said the career and life altering words. It wasn't an easy feat considering how his heart hammered under the weight of such a change. Even though his racing heart and straining lungs were an almost textbook fear response, Deeks knew without a doubt in his mind that it wasn't fear. It was anticipation. And sometimes fear and anticipation went hand-in-hand.

So much would change, even while many things would remain the same. Being an LAPD cop had defined him for so long. Letting that go had scared him at first. But what he would become was so much greater. A part of that was becoming an NCIS agent. The playground was much bigger, the toys were much cooler, and the stakes were infinitely higher. But he couldn't deny the biggest part, the best part, was a permanent place on the team as Kensi's partner.

The knowing smile Hetty gave him was one of the most unguarded he'd ever seen from her. With a flick of her finger she motioned for him to follow her. Arriving at her desk she unlocked a drawer and pulled out several sheets of paper, turning them around and sliding them across her desk towards him.

Deeks gave the pages a cursory glance, seeing all the bureaucratic language that came with working for the Department of Defense. He flipped to the last page, taking the pen Hetty offered him, and pressed it to the paper. It was as he was about to apply the instinctive pressure required to sign his signature that an errant thought flew through his head. He paused then, lifting his eyes to meet Hetty's curious gaze.

He swallowed carefully, trying to form the right words in his mind before speaking them aloud. He couldn't help but worry over what he might say and what it might reveal. Hetty was a master at word manipulation, and Deeks was quite certain if he wasn't careful she would see to the truth when he wasn't sure he wanted her to.

"Hetty, what are the rules about the relationships between agents?"

Deeks watched as Hetty's eyes narrowed. He knew instantly she was on to him.

"What do you mean by 'relationship,' Mr. Deeks?"

Deeks cleared his throat, trying to buy more time and grasp at the right words. "Well, uh, if two of your field agents decided to embark on a less professional and, say, more personal relationship, what are the NCIS guidelines on that?"

Hetty leaned back in her chair, an enigmatic smile on her face as she rested her folded hands under her chin. "By 'personal' you are referring to a romantic relationship?"

Relieved that she hadn't made him actually say it, Deeks nodded quickly. "Yes, a romantic relationship. A totally consensual, keep-the-personal-stuff-at-home, but also work together side-by-side romantic relationship."

Deeks cringed at the words that tumbled from his mouth. Sometimes he really didn't know when to stop talking. And it always seemed to get him into trouble. Even Hetty couldn't quite seem to hide the light of curious surprise in her eyes at his revealing statement.

Hetty was silent for a minute and Deeks began to dread her answer. Because there was no way he would give up what he and Kensi had, even for a shot as an NCIS agent. Professionally, working for NCIS was what he wanted. But he'd given up enough of his life and Kensi had come to mean more than enough to him. If it came down to it he would stay with the LAPD, stay on as an LAPD liaison and continue as Kensi's partner. But he wouldn't sacrifice what they'd gained. Hetty finally leaned forward, her expression serious.

"As the Los Angeles area Operations Manager I trust my agents to be responsible for the boundaries of their personal and professional relationships. The only hard and fast rule is that an agent cannot be involved with a higher graded fellow agent in the same chain of command." Hetty paused, then seemed to sense the next question he was reluctant to ask. "Your grade once your paperwork is processed would be the same as Ms. Blye's."

Deeks expelled the breath he didn't know he'd been holding and nodded quickly. Before he could dig the hole he'd started any deeper he scrawled his signature across the page, then handed the papers back to Hetty. The serious expression hadn't left her face and Deeks waited, wondering what else there was to tell him.

"Mr. Deeks, I won't process this paperwork until after your current assignment is complete and you can give the LAPD a considerate notice of your departure. And although I may trust my agents to maintain their personal and professional relationship boundaries, Mr. Callen is still the team leader and he may express concerns about the relationships that stem from partnerships. If something changes between now and the end of your undercover assignment we may have to revisit this subject."

Deeks nodded slowly, a little angry that his ability to be Kensi's partner was being called into question by Callen, and by extension Hetty. He knew the concerns were about keeping him and Kensi, as well as the whole team, safe. But there was no way he would change his mind about being Kensi's partner. He didn't want anything else, couldn't want anything else. And even though they hadn't yet been tested he believed they were strong enough to do the right thing when it counted.

Hetty seemed to sense the upheaval going through his mind as she stood, giving him a kind smile. "Your official addition to this team is a long time coming, Mr. Deeks. We all want that to work out."

He smiled at Hetty, her words meaning more than he could say. She wasn't a woman who gave her trust easily. Not trusting himself to speak he simply gave Hetty one last glance before he stood and walked away, heading for the changing rooms. He found his locker as he'd left it, a spare set of workout clothes inside. Feeling like he wanted to go for a run but knowing he couldn't, instead he spent the next hour sparring against a punching bag.

After he'd showered and changed Deeks returned to the second floor and his new accommodations, noting the office was completely quiet. A quick check of the building told him Hetty and Nell had left and he was alone.

Stretching out on the cot Deeks reached for his phone, scrolling to Kensi's name and dialing. When she finally answered after several seconds he was surprised at how Kensi's voice was rough from sleep. Checking the time he was chagrined to note the late hour, though surprised she'd gone to sleep without checking in with him first.

"Kensi, did you fall asleep?"

The rustling on the other end of the line had him curious as Kensi cleared her throat. "I'm at the hospital with Diane. I must have fallen asleep in my chair."

Her voice lowered to a whisper as he heard her moving around, probably getting up to leave the room.

"Did something happen to Diane?" He couldn't keep the worry from his voice, both for Kensi and for the woman he'd only just met but had developed a fondness for.

"What? Oh, no, she's fine. I just came back here after dropping you off. She was asleep, thanks to a sleeping aid. Which I wouldn't mind having right now. Falling asleep in a hospital chair is not good on your neck," Kensi replied. Deeks could picture her rolling her head to alleviate the obvious muscle strain. He frowned, pressing further.

"Why are you at the hospital, Kens? You should be at the house getting some sleep."

The silence over the phone was heavy with reluctance. Deeks kept quiet, shoving down the urge to fire questions at Kensi. He knew she would reveal more if he let her have the time to answer.

"I didn't want to go back to the house. You aren't there so I wouldn't sleep anyway and if I'm going to not sleep somewhere it might as well be here in case Diane needs me."

Deeks tiredly rubbed his eyes at the stubborn edge to Kensi's voice. It amazed him that he could be exasperated by her stubbornness and touched by her missing him in the same breath.

"You said yourself she's sedated. You know she'd rather you be at the house trying to get a good night's rest. You haven't gotten much sleep the last few nights."

At Kensi's answering chuckle he couldn't help the slow grin on his face. "Neither have you."

"Which is why I plan to enjoy my fancy NCIS-provided cot, blankets, and pillow. But only after you promise me that you'll go back to the house and get some sleep. Diane's probably going to be going home tomorrow and you'll have your hands full." He didn't add that the General and Cody would be arriving in a day or two and she would be better off rested and prepared to deal with her family rather than sleep deprived and stressed out.

Kensi's murmured grumbling in his ear told him that she knew he was right even if she didn't want to say it out loud. It wasn't in him to let her off the hook.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"_Fine_, I'll go back to the house. Even if it's your fault I won't sleep anyway."

_Without you._ Deeks smiled softly at the unspoken words, hearing them echo in the silence between them even without Kensi saying them. And he knew she didn't just refer to the sex. They'd both become a little dependent on the warmth and presence of each other in bed. It was an intrusion into his personal space he wouldn't have been able to predict he would come to count on.

"Believe me, I'd much rather be there ensuring neither of us gets any sleep. Though at some point it was bound to catch up with us," Deeks replied ruefully, flashing back on the last two nights which were pleasantly seared into his memory while they had also ensured that both of them were reaching the point of exhaustion now.

"Okay, I'm getting in the car to leave. I'll text you when I get there." Kensi added, anticipating his next request.

"Try to get some sleep."

"I'll try. You too."

"And Kens?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

To an outside party the pause on the phone could have been described as uncomfortable. Weeks before Deeks might not have sensed the nuances to understand the layers of feelings that silence could convey, that could be heard just by listening and knowing the person you were speaking to. But he heard the silent wonder over the phone, the awestruck inhalation of breath, the gentle return of affection.

"Love you, too."

Deeks smiled as the line went dead, resting the phone on his chest and staring up at the ceiling until his eyes began to feel heavy. He kept sleep at bay long enough so when Kensi's text message came through he could respond. And even though he was miles away from her as he breathed deep he could almost imagine it was the scent of her hair that teased his nose. And he could almost feel the curve of her body against his, could almost pretend he felt her soft skin under his fingers. It was such a vivid and longed-for mirage that the pang of disappointed realization that quickly followed made his breath catch.

Reminding himself that it would just be a few days and then she would be back, Deeks shifted on the cot, trying to will himself to sleep. Seriously, it was ridiculous that after only a few short weeks with Kensi, suddenly decades of nearly always sleeping alone were overruled.

He finally drifted off the sleep, his mind casting out and latching on to the one comfort it could.

_Just a few days._

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><p>Deeks was up with the sun the next morning. OSP was located in an old Spanish style building with ample arched windows that allowed in golden light that was impossible to escape from. Already feeling cooped up, and considering he still had days to go before he would even be allowed to leave OSP, Deeks headed for the gym to run on a treadmill for an hour. It was a pale imitation of any of the half dozen jogging routes he normally took but it helped to ease some of his pent up energy.<p>

When he returned to the bullpen he found Hetty at her desk where she informed him Sam and Callen were downtown debriefing their overseas operation from the previous week. Heading upstairs to Ops Deeks entered to find Nell and Eric mining through data while fervently discussing the merits of Oreo cookies. He entered unnoticed, about to interrupt when their conversation distracted him.

"I don't see why it bothers you so much," Nell wondered, her tone exasperated.

"I just don't see the point. Peanut butter, berry burst, triple double. And don't even get me started on those bizarre opposite Oreos where it's a vanilla cookie on the outside and chocolate on the inside. Or when they make the filling orange for Halloween or red for Christmas. Is there something wrong with just a regular Oreo cookie? They didn't change it for decades, why start now?" Eric muttered, his tone aggrieved but his eyes focused on the screen in front of him as his fingers flew across his keyboard.

"It's just a cookie, Eric."

At that Eric's movements froze. Deeks grinned as he watched Eric turn stunned eyes to Nell, who had the grace to look a little contrite, though Deeks saw the corner of her mouth turn up in a barely suppressed grin.

"It's like I don't even know you."

Eric shook his head, turning his attention back to the screen. Nell watched him, her lips twitching with laughter she was trying to contain. Eric studiously ignored her though even Deeks could see he was amused by the humor that Nell found in the situation. It was interesting to watch their interplay, especially with the almost certain knowledge that they were involved as a couple.

"You probably got really mad when they introduced different colored Peeps at Easter, didn't you? Do the pink and purple bunnies rub you the wrong way? Oh, and I bet the red hearts on Valentine's Day and the orange pumpkins really irritate you, don't they?"

Nell's voice was softly teasing but held an intimate undercurrent to it that had Deeks raising his eyebrows. He thought he might fall over from shock as he watched Nell stand behind Eric, her hand at his neck reaching up to ruffle his hair. It struck him that he'd always thought of Nell and Eric as very private and professional people and even though Kensi and general evidence had seemed to confirm they were a couple, seeing the proof was something else entirely.

Realizing he'd reached the uncomfortable point where he should have announced his presence awhile ago he shuffled loudly across the floor, watching as Nell smoothly dropped her hand and stepped back from Eric slightly. For his part, Eric turned in his chair, a faint blush rising over his neck.

"Personally, I think the Double Stuf Oreos are the only ones to improve on the original."

Eric seemed to consider Deeks' word seriously, then gave an agreeing nod. "I can accept that. And the yellow ducks are the only acceptable Peeps. All those others are just wrong."

Eric shot Nell a look daring her to defy him. Nell simply grinned and held up her hands in defeat, turning her attention back to her screen. Deeks could tell that Eric expected him to needle him about Nell and what he might have seen. Deciding he didn't need confirmation of what he already knew, Deeks changed the subject, addressing the undercover assignment.

"So the malware is all ready to go?"

Relieved to be off hook, Eric nodded eagerly, punching a few keys and pulling up a software program on the screen. "This is Orpheus 5.4, the software most banks use to encrypt their financial data. And since it's the software your robbery suspects told you to look into, presumably they are targeting banks with this software. Obviously it's password protected within any bank's system. I'm going to teach you how to hack the front door password protection, locate the software's unique source code, modify the malware I've created based on that source code, upload the malware, and then finally, upload the second code I created to track the malware."

Deeks tried not to be overwhelmed by Eric's words. He nodded slowly, then fixed Eric with a serious gaze. "I need you to be truthful with me, Eric. Because this rests on more than just the success of the undercover assignment or my life. This is Kensi's life too." Deeks let the words hang, allowed Eric to see in his eyes that of those three issues the latter was the most important to him. "Is this really something I can pull off?"

Eric's usual inclination might have been to just agree, to give him the answer he wanted and the answer that would service the undercover assignment first since Eric was by nature a people pleaser and a rule follower. But something in Deeks' expression had Eric turning cautious eyes to Nell, his green eyes passing over her and seemingly imagining if he was in a similar situation. And when Eric turned his determined gaze back to Deeks he nodded firmly.

"Yes, I think you can. You're going to have to spend a lot of time learning the software and the code but if you're willing to learn then I think you can do it."

Knowing that he trusted Eric implicitly and without hesitation Deeks clapped his hands together. "Alright then. Let's get started. Teach me the ways of the Force."

Nell's quiet snort of laughter made Deeks grin as Eric shook his head at him, gesturing to the chair next to him for Deeks to sit in.

"First things first, I'm going to teach you about hacking into a secure network. It would be easiest if a bank employee was to log you in but you won't be able to count on that. And time will be of the essence . . ."

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><p>Kensi arrived at the hospital early Monday morning, pausing before she left her car to enter the hospital. The silence in the car, as well as the quiet that had followed her in the house, and truth be told, since she'd dropped Deeks off at the train station the night before, was uncomfortably heavy. She missed his voice, missed the full spectrum of his amusement from soft chuckle to outright laughter. It was slightly humiliating for her to realize she even missed the sound of the ever present reminder of his presence, his breathing in and out.<p>

She couldn't quite explain the impulse beyond just wanting to hear his voice, but she was dialing his phone number before she really had the conscious thought to do it. It was only a few rings and Deeks picked up, his voice concerned.

"Kens? Everything okay?"

She felt instantly foolish, realizing Deeks would have immediately been worried something had happened. They were both a little hyper-aware of each other now. Their changing relationship had made emotions stronger and reactions more strikingly fierce.

"Everything's fine. I just, well, I just—"

"You missed me." Deeks' voice was a little gleeful and she couldn't help the answering smile on her face. She was fairly certain that the idea of her missing him was a source of surprise to him. And for that opportunity to help him understand how much he meant to her she could gladly allow him to tease her.

"Maybe a little."

"Uh huh, just a little? We'll see about that when you get back here."

Kensi felt her stomach tighten pleasantly at the low and familiar tone of Deeks' voice. Instead of being annoyed by her reaction to him she allowed herself to enjoy the full weight of what her attraction to him and his attention to her made her feel. And she couldn't help but wonder over how quickly she was able to feel comfortable with that level of intimacy with him.

"Don't make promises you can't keep," Kensi replied playfully. The quiet assurance on the other end of the line shifted the conversation back to a more serious tone.

"To you? Never."

Kensi was quiet then, looking up at her own reflection in the rearview mirror, surprised at the blush that colored her cheeks and the bright sparkle in her eyes. Witnessing her own reaction to Deeks would have confirmed her feelings even if she hadn't already willingly acknowledged them.

"How's Diane doing? Any word from the General or Cody?"

Kensi shrugged and shook her head before realizing he wasn't there to see her silent response to his questions. "I think she's okay, I'm about to go in and check. No word of when Cody or the General might get here."

Deeks was quiet for a moment and Kensi could almost imagine his perceptive blue eyes searching her face, trying to ferret out what had her voice sounding just a little too offhand and casual.

"What do you think you're going to say to the General when you talk to him?"

Deeks' perceptive question, pinpointing the very thing that she'd been unable to settle in her mind, had her replying in a rush.

"I don't know. I honestly have no idea what to say. I feel so angry about a lot of things. I know I was to blame too. But I don't want to let my anger completely wreck any chance we might have to have a normal conversation. I'm just not sure how to get past feeling like I did ten years ago, feeling as though I wasn't important enough for him to fight to keep me."

A dry sob caught in her throat and Kensi fell silent. She'd stunned herself at her outburst and she'd put into words fears she hadn't even been completely aware of herself. Not able to control the whispering torrent of words, her voice filled the closed safety of the car. "Other than you, no one has ever fought to keep me. My father died. My first partner died. But the General pushed me away. Jack ran away when he couldn't deal with staying with me."

"You have more than just me. Sam and Callen—"

Kensi interrupted sharply, the differences crystal clear in her mind even while Deeks seemed to be desperately trying to convince her otherwise. "It's not the same. I know they would do anything to make sure I'm not hurt. But if I push them away they stay away. You're the one who keeps coming back no matter what. And I think I've pushed people away on purpose for the last ten years. And it's taken you to make me see why I'm that way."

"Kensi, we all have our own baggage. And you can be angry, you can be hurt. But don't let it weigh you down. Let me carry some of it for you. And let go of what you can. You don't have to forget, but forgiving, even when it's family, I think it's the only thing that's going to make this okay for you."

"Could you do the same? If your mother showed up tomorrow and asked for forgiveness for leaving you when you were a teenager, could you forgive her?"

Her words came out unthinking, harsh and challenging. And the silence on the other end of the line made her think that she'd gone too far. She wished so strongly she could see his face, could touch him to reassure against her words that had sounded more hurtful than she'd intended.

"It's not the same, Kens," Deeks replied in a gentle voice. She felt as though she didn't deserve the understanding in his voice.

"How is it not the same?" She challenged hesitantly, not wanting to pick at the wounds of Deeks' abandonment but needing to understand.

"It's a cruel reality, but not every parent loves their child. Biology doesn't result in love. It sure didn't with my parents. And family doesn't always come from genetics," Deeks paused and Kensi could hear the words he didn't quite manage to get out, that they were family too, just in a different and wonderfully complicated way. "I know it's hard to see, especially considering you lived through it, but what the General did, however misguided, it was out of love for you. It doesn't make it right and it doesn't make it hurt less. But it does mean that he started out with good intentions and that he wanted the best for you."

"What right did he have to think he could tell me what was the best for me?" Kensi asked stubbornly, even as she felt her anger beginning to melt away.

"He was a father to you. Not the one you lost and not the one who raised you. But he seems to have cared about you like a father would. It's not just kids who do dumb things, Kensi. Parents do, too."

She was silent as she thought through his words, listened to the soft sound of him breathing in her ear. And she realized her anger, while still simmering in the background, seemed to have less fire behind it.

"How is it that you grew up with the family you did and yet you can forgive so easily?" Kensi asked, truly curious. Deeks laughed quietly.

"Oh, I talk a good game but I really don't know how I would react if I actually saw my mom again. But that's what I'm counting on you for, a little perspective."

Kensi kept silent in response, not sure Deeks would want to know her perspective on his mother. She wasn't at all sure she wouldn't have a severely violent reaction to the woman who had made a young man like Deeks feel alone in the world. Kensi knew it spoke to his character that he'd managed to grow into the man he was, but nobody should have been made to feel as he did.

"So, you going to be okay when you talk to him or see him?" Deeks asked.

"I think so. I'll just try and listen. And try not to react in anger."

"You should be well practiced at that. You've listened to me ramble on and I've seen you exercise an amazing amount of restraint in not tearing my head off. Sometimes."

Kensi laughed, appreciating his attempt at humor. "I only did that when you really deserved it. And I haven't tried in quite awhile."

Deeks considered that for a moment, then murmured in response. "Okay, I'll give you that. All this gentle handling has almost lured me into a false sense of security."

Kensi was about the object when she heard Eric calling Deeks in the background. With a twinge she realized he needed to go. And she needed to go into the hospital. They whispered quick goodbyes and Kensi hung up the phone, looking at the blank caller ID screen as it dimmed after terminating her call. She had her NCIS Agent Kensi Blye-issued cell phone now and it had no smiling picture of Deeks that came up when he called her or she placed a call to him as her phone for her Kensi Sullivan alias did. It was a little thing to miss, but miss it she did.

Exiting the car, she traveled a well-known path to Diane's room. She entered the open door to find Diane on the phone, her eyes filled with affection, a bright smile on her face. Kensi turned to leave and allow her some privacy but Diane motioned her forward. She took a seat next to Diane's bed, putting a cup of coffee in front of her. Diane shot her a grateful look and continued talking on the phone.

Kensi watched Diane for a moment, watched how her eyes lit with love, her gaze trained inward as if she were thinking of and remembering something treasured and important. There was a lightness to her posture and her voice was filled with caring as she murmured to whoever was on the line. Unable to help herself, Kensi watched her studiously, the realization dawning quickly that it had to be the General.

She knew that look on Diane's face. It was the same look Deeks had when he was teasing her, telling her a story or trying to engage her in another pointless argument. It was a focused expression and intent on the most important thing in the word. Kensi smiled fondly, amazed at how it had taken so long for her to understand that look on Deeks' face.

Diane's eyes flitted to her and then suddenly she was handing Kensi the phone. "Kensi, Robert would like to speak with you."

Kensi's eyes widened and she tried to stammer out a reply, unable to refuse taking the receiver. Diane looked at her pointedly until she raised the phone to her ear, hearing a voice she hadn't heard in almost five years.

"Kensi?"

She swallowed thickly, casting her eyes away from Diane's expectant face at the familiar voice. For years only the contentious times had stuck in her memory. She'd remembered that voice full of anger and disapproval. But with a few years of perspective and maturity she could allow the first memories to be happier ones. Instead of hurt and anger his voice brought to mind laughter, affection and spirited discussions. There was hesitancy in his tone, something completely foreign in the time she'd known him.

"Yes, sir."

The pause on the phone surprised her. The Robert Keppinger she knew had rarely hesitated because he had the conviction that his decisions were right, he usually reacted quickly, damn the consequences. That decisiveness had made him an effective leader but a less than understanding parent to a teenage girl and young woman. But Kensi could sense that something in him had shifted in the last few years from the man she'd known.

"How are you? How are you holding up?"

Kensi recognized the two questions for how different they were. The first was his way of asking about her life, the second was relating to the situation with Diane. She could have chosen to be angry about how he couldn't ask her directly about her life but even she could sense the awkward struggle it was for him to ask mundane questions that alluded to so much more and yet said almost nothing.

"I'm doing okay. We're doing okay here," Kensi replied, sparing a glance at Diane and finding the older woman watching her with an expression mixed with hope and apprehension. "And everything else is okay too. I wish I could say I've had a great and easy life the last ten years but it's had its ups and downs. But I'm lucky in that for everything that's happened—for better or worse—it brought me to where I am today."

She couldn't quite put an excessively optimistic spin on the events of the last decade of her life. Her partner was the more gifted on the two of them when it came to that. And she couldn't make herself forget what she'd endured. But she could try, as Deeks had suggested, to let go of what was weighing her down.

On the other end of the line, the General exhaled heavily. Kensi felt the weight of regret in the sound and even though up until that moment she hadn't been sure she would be able to forgive, she suddenly realized it wouldn't be difficult at all. It was easier to forgive someone who was genuinely regretful. And it wasn't difficult for her to hear the remorse, even over a phone line and a distance of thousands of miles. And you forgave people you loved.

"I'm sorry, Kensi. For so much. I don't usually need Diane to tell me when I'm being an idiot and I should have realized a long time ago that you deserved so much better from me—"

Kensi cut him off. "It doesn't matter. We both made mistakes. I don't want to blame you anymore."

There was stunned silence on the phone and Kensi had to smile at her ability to make a four star general speechless.

"I probably shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth but I'm not sure you should let me off so easily. I was the adult, the parent—" At that word Robert's voice caught momentarily and they were both silent, one thinking of a friend, the other of a father. "And I should have been better with you. I should have tried to understand more."

Kensi was quiet for a moment, her fingers reaching out to pick at the frayed edge of the seam of her jeans at the knee. She'd been carrying around hurt and anger over her relationship with the General for years. It had been a burden she'd largely ignored even though it was constantly a part of her.

She thought back to Deeks' mother and how the woman had rejected Deeks out of her own weakness. In a way the General had rejected her. But instead of weakness and a lack of love the rejection had been due to a misplaced sense of loving and expecting too much. She could see the difference even though the rejection still stung. They did have things to discuss. But she didn't want to do it filled with anger.

"Okay, I won't let you off that easy. But I don't get off easy either. I'm not saying let's forget the past. But I'm tired of being worn down by it. I want to let go and move on. And I want to fix the things in my life that are broken. I'm tired of regrets."

"What in the world happened to you? You were so angry last time we spoke."

Kensi could have been put off by the blunt question and the open curiosity in Robert's voice. Instead she smiled, laughing softy. "It's been a pretty interesting couple of years. Perspective sometimes knocks you hard in the head and my job has given me a lot of perspective. As for what happened to me, I'd say blame my partner, a motor mouth surfer who pretends to be an LAPD detective."

Robert's responding laughter lifted a weight in her chest. She hadn't realized how much she missed that sound until that moment. Back when she'd first come to live with the Keppingers it had become apparent very quickly that while Cody followed in his father's career footsteps he was his mother's son through and through. And Kensi had quickly fallen in line with the General. She'd recognized and been drawn to his military bearing, a familiar comfort in the void her father left behind. And even though having a daughter had been an adjustment for him, he'd quickly been taken with her. Perhaps a little too much. His affection had been so quickly fierce that when she'd fought him on his protective instinct towards her that he'd been unable to know how to adjust. She hadn't been able to see it at the time, but now Kensi could see her refusal to conform to what he thought was best for her had been a rejection all its own.

"You know, now I've heard about this cop from both Diane and Cody. Neither one of them will stop chattering on about him. And the two of you."

Kensi cast a narrowed gaze to Diane, who was watching her with blatant interest. "Yeah, well, they're both gossiping busybodies."

Bellowing laughter had her widely grinning. "You've got that right. That's my girl."

Robert's words, familiar but also uncomfortable after years of estrangement, were left hanging between them. Kensi was silent, thinking back to when he'd said the same words and she'd been filled with an all consuming sense of belonging and love. It was another reason why the later rejection had hit her so hard. It had been easy to fall in love with Robert and Diane, with the idea of a family. Having it torn away still hurt, even if she was trying to forgive and move on.

Robert sensed her discomfort and he cleared his throat. "I'm in Ramstein now, waiting for an available transport stateside. There haven't been any commercial flights available but as soon as I can get on any flight I'll be on my way. Do you need anything for the next day or two?"

"No, things are set at the house. I'll bring Diane home today and get her settled. I'm going to have to leave pretty soon after you get here, I have an undercover assignment I need to get back to quickly."

"Cody told me. I'm sorry, Kensi. I should have known. Or asked. I got the cryptic message about Diane and I wasn't thinking straight," Robert replied regretfully.

"It's okay, I know how important your family is to you," Kensi replied softly.

"Yes, and you're a part of that family. And it's not okay, no matter how much you might try and make me think you're fine with this. But we'll talk about it when I get there. At least a little until you have to get back to Los Angeles and your assignment."

Kensi smiled at the slight note of pride at the end of the General's words. It brought a little thrill of pleasure to hear him proud of her. She didn't much care what most of the world thought about her. But there were a select few people that did matter.

They exchanged goodbyes and Kensi handed the phone back to Diane, excusing herself to let Diane say goodbye to her husband. Out in the hallway Kensi had the almost irresistible urge to call Deeks back but she resisted the feeling, knowing he was probably busy at OSP. Instead, remembering she still had one loose end to tie up, she walked to the nurse's station, using the phone there.

"Good morning, Anderson, Evans, & Johnson. How may I direct your call?"

"Hi Rachel, it's Kensi."

"Kensi! Hey, girl, what's up? Are you running a little late? Sofia isn't in yet so don't worry about that."

"Actually no, I'm in San Diego. My aunt had a heart attack on Friday so I've been down here over the weekend."

"I'm so sorry! Is she going to be okay? Do you need anything?"

Kensi smiled at the genuine concern in Rachel's voice. "It looks like she's going to be okay, thanks. I was hoping you could let Sofia know? I think I was pretty far ahead on my assignments for her so hopefully being gone a few days won't make me lose my job."

"Don't worry about that for a second. I'll let Sofia know. And I'll help out if she needs anything. Just take care of your aunt. Are you sure you're okay? Is Marty with you?"

Kensi had never more strongly wished a lie was true. "Yeah, he's here, being very good and supportive. I'm okay, really. I'll give you a call when I know I'll be coming back."

After Rachel's affirmative response Kensi hung up the phone and returned to Diane, surprised to find a nurse helping her get dressed. She rushed over to help, quickly taking over for the nurse.

"Are you sure you should be up? Maybe I should get the doctor."

Diane shot her an exasperated look. "I'm fine, honey. The doctor said I can be discharged. A nurse will be in with my medications and then you can sign me out and we'll go home."

Kensi nodded worriedly, concerned for the shift from an organized environment in the hospital to Diane being in her care. Even though she'd handled plenty of bigger problems with implications as scary as nuclear weapons and threats to national security she couldn't help the nervous fluttering in her chest. But as Diane's hand gripped her forearm, holding on tight as Kensi helped her stand, she pushed that aside. She had to get past her apprehension. Diane needed her now.

Even though Kensi had spent most of her adult life counting on no one else, she couldn't help the automatic longing for Deeks. In such a short time he'd managed to rewire parts of who she was that she'd long thought were unshakeable.

But considering how her life had shifted for the better, and how knowing Deeks had given her something of the perspective to be able alter her point of view, Kensi knew a lot in her life was changing. In a short time she'd gone from being largely alone in the world to having something of her family back, and having him. And she was optimistic enough to hope the changes were for the better.


	20. Chapter 20

**See previous chapters for disclaimer, spoilers, summary, etc. information. NOTE that beginning with Chapter 16 this story is rated M. No M-rated material in this chapter but overall, consider yourself warned.**

**Note: **Happy New Year! It feels a little repetitive to keep saying it, but THANK YOU for the reviews, alerts, and favorites. It's easy to be writing away in my own little world and wonder if what comes out is working. The alerts and favorites are a nice way to get a read on that and the reviews especially so. For those of you wanting the story to get back to the case, this moves more in that direction. If you're getting tired of all the side and background stuff my only response is that pretty much everything in this story happens for a reason, so bear with me. Thanks to **MioneAlterEgo **(Who has a new story out - _Not Over You_ - which I highly recommend!) my fabulous beta, who always catches so much. Any errors are a result of something I did _after_ she looked at this, of that I'm sure. Also, there are some phrases in foreign languages here, no doubt Google translator (and I) got some stuff wrong. And finally, poll taking time: The chapter after this one has the opportunity for some M-rated adult interaction between Kensi and Deeks. It's not exactly imperative to the story so I wasn't going to spend much time on it. But if you want to read it I can add a little extra to the next chapter. Or, if you're just wanting me to get the show on the road already, that's fine too. The majority opinion (or lack thereof) in reviews will tell me which way to go! Thanks for reading and leaving a review if you do.

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><p>It was late afternoon when Deeks took a break from training with Eric. By lunch he'd gotten the basics of hacking the software system and Deeks spent the afternoon being tested by Eric, bettering his time until he could get into the system in under a minute. Eric had assured him that the part of the operation that would require the most skill was hacking into the system. The rest would be simply submitting code and looking for information in the right places.<p>

Deeks drifted downstairs, surveying the activity around OSP. He took note of Sam, who was on the phone, and saw Hetty's desk was empty. Taking a lap around the building he ended up at the shooting range. Seeing Callen inside he donned ear protection and entered, watching the senior agent shoot near perfect rounds into a target. When Callen took a break Deeks stepped forward into his line of sight, pulling the ear protection off.

Callen mirrored his movements, nodding his greeting to Deeks. "Welcome back, Deeks. Even if it's just for a little while. Hetty said Kensi was doing okay?"

Deeks nodded, sensing that Hetty and Callen had probably discussed more than just how Kensi was doing. Although Callen had a near impenetrable poker face Deeks had known the man long enough to see the careful and controlled interest in his blue eyes.

"Kensi told me you're considering separating us as partners after our assignment," Deeks replied bluntly. Stoic as he was most of the time, even Callen couldn't suppress the surprise on his face. Deeks fixed him with an unwavering gaze, not wanting Callen to think he was anything but dead serious about the conversation.

Callen put his gun down, turning his attention fully to Deeks and crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm thinking about it, yeah. I don't even know everything going on between the two of you, and I don't want to know, but I can see how deep in you both are. I've been there before. It almost never works."

Deeks reeled in his automatic and emotional response. He'd learned enough watching Hetty's carefully controlled reactions and Sam's silent stares that sometimes the most effective means for handling people was to not respond emotionally.

"No offense, but Kensi and I aren't you and whatever former partner you had that things didn't work with. I want you to give us a chance to prove that we can be partners and that whatever else is between us won't affect us being able to do our jobs."

Callen returned his stare, his eyes searching Deeks' for a sign of the truth behind his words that Deeks refused to give away. So much depended on his ability to convince Callen to give him and Kensi this chance. And there was a slightly desperate and irrational part of him that could acknowledge his own uncertainty to be able to do the very thing he was arguing to Callen he could. But it wasn't in him not to try.

"What makes you think that when there are lives on the line, when Kensi's life is on the line, that if you have to make the choice between finishing a mission that will save countless faceless lives or saving her life, that it won't be her life, her face, you're thinking of? How can you be sure that her safety won't sway you?"

Deeks tried to imagine being put in that position, tried to think about having to make that kind of decision. And he saw from the tinge of rarely-revealed regret on Callen's face that he'd had to make a decision like that before. And whatever he'd decided haunted him to that day.

"I can't be sure of that. I'd be lying if I said the thought hadn't occurred to me. But I know Kensi and I trust her. I know she makes careful decisions during undercover operations—"

"See, that's something else you and I disagree on. I've seen her respond emotionally in situations when she should have stopped to think. She almost got herself kidnapped rushing out of that hospital after you got shot. She climbed into a pileup of cars just to get to you. Can you honestly tell me those were sound operational decisions?"

Deeks was frustrated to silence and even though he didn't like what Callen was saying he had to admit there was some truth to his words. But even though Kensi had occasionally reacted without thinking the same could have been said about each of the team. The trick was having a partner who could balance that out and a partner you trusted implicitly.

"None of us is perfect, Callen. But I'm saying I trust Kensi. And you should too. And you should trust me. Give us a chance. You owe us that before you decide anything," Deeks argued quietly, not trying to separate himself from Kensi. They were partners, friends and now lovers. Months ago even being partners and friends had been distinct and separate roles in their lives. Deeks couldn't imagine trying to separate the layers of their relationship now. And he didn't want to be forced to try.

"Fine. I'm not going to decide anything now. But your safety-yours and Kensi's-is what's at stake here. Remember that."

Deeks nodded quickly, satisfied that he'd procured a guarantee from Callen for consideration. He exited the gun range to allow Callen to continue his target practice, returning upstairs to Ops to resume his training with Eric.

He was thoughtful though, considering Callen's measured words. He knew Callen had their best interests in mind. And logically, knowing what he did about his and Kensi's relationship, them being partners was a colossally bad idea. Romantic entanglements in high stress jobs like theirs weren't known to work out well. But Deeks also knew that what they had as partners was a rare thing. And he wasn't willing to give it up without a fight to see if they could defy the usual expected outcome.

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><p>By Tuesday evening Deeks was practically climbing the walls of OSP. He'd been stuck inside the building for two days, allowed outside for only short periods of time. He'd begun joking about the prison conditions that morning, to which Hetty had unflinchingly and silently met his eyes with hers.<p>

"She's just concerned for your safety," Nell had tried to reassure him after Hetty left. Deeks had sighed and nodded, trying to tamp down his impatience. When Nell returned from lunch with a hamburger from his favorite nearby eatery he'd been touched by the gesture, giving her cheek a quick kiss. And he'd grinned at the blush that rose to her cheeks and how she'd quickly cast her eyes away from him.

He knew it had nothing to do with romantic feelings. But like Eric, Nell spent her days looking out for the different members of the team. Even if normally that was during a mission, it wasn't something she could turn off. And he knew she'd also spent a fair amount of her life not fitting in. NCIS had become almost an island of misfit toys with all the baggage the team carried. Deeks knew it was rare for any group of people to fit together well. And the NCIS team had moments of disagreement and challenges. But they did fit. And they worked well together and looked out for each other, which was why Nell had noticed before what food he liked and had taken note of his mood, doing something she thought might cheer him up.

After finishing an hour of sparring with Sam in the gym Deeks trudged back upstairs to Ops to join Eric again for more software training. In the last two days he'd become fluent in all the aspects of hacking, source code searching, modification of the malware and loading the code back into the mock banking software system. Wanting to prepare him as much as possible, Eric had run him through the scenarios he was likely to encounter during the bank robbery countless times.

Deeks knew how important it was for him to appear to know exactly what he was doing. But he'd stopped counting after the twentieth practice run and he was reaching his limits of tolerance. Deeks had managed to get his overall time down to six minutes from a start of twenty minutes and even he could tell that Eric was impressed at his improvement.

Leaning back in his chair and spinning around to face Deeks, Eric gave him a shrewd look. "Okay, so tell me again what you do once you've located the directory in the banking software with the source code."

"I program the source code into the malware; that'll give the malware the information it needs to collect the financial data inside the software system. Then I load the malware into the banking software, hiding it in the junk files of the system. It'll begin collecting account transaction information immediately, transmitting it automatically to a secure online source."

"So that gives the bank robbers exactly what they want. And what about the second code of malware?"

Deeks answered patiently, knowing this was important even if he'd repeated the information dozens of times and had already run the scenario often enough so he felt like he could do it in his sleep. "They won't be able to tell I'm doing it, but after I load the first code of malware I need to load the second code, putting it in the same junk directory. It'll attach to the first code, tracking the same information and also allowing NCIS to see who else accesses the account information once it has been encrypted and sent out of the banking software system."

"And that will result in us being able to see when they access the data and we'll be able to track that signal back to the physical source, giving the LAPD and FBI the proof they need about who is responsible for the robberies," Eric finished, his tone satisfied as he rubbed his hands together. "I think we're done."

Straightening with relief, Deeks cast Eric a desperate glance. "Really? Don't kid with me on this. I want to get this right but this has been a brutal couple of days stuck sitting at a computer all day."

"Hey, that's my livelihood you're disparaging," Eric replied, clearly affronted.

"Sorry, I just don't know how you do this all day. I guess I'm too much of a cop. I need to be chasing criminals. Like physically chasing them," Deeks amended, trying to be apologetic while also completely unable to understand how Eric spent his days mostly holed up in Ops.

"Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly."

Deeks and Eric both jumped at Hetty's voice, her entrance entirely unnoticed by either of them. Deeks grinned at Hetty.

"_Show Boat_? Really?"

Eric turned his incredulous gaze, eyebrows raised over the rims of his glasses, to Deeks. "The fact that you know that scares me."

Deeks shrugged, nonplussed. "Eric says I'm ready, Hetty."

Hetty nodded slowly, a pleased smile gracing her face. "So I see. Any word from Ms. Blye on when she'll be returning?"

Deeks frowned, wishing he had a more concrete answer. "She's hoping maybe tomorrow. As of this morning neither the General nor Cody had been able to get back to San Diego yet."

And Deeks was ready to see Kensi again. It had only been two days since he'd seen her and they spoke several times a day but it wasn't the same as having her within reaching distance. He found himself turning to tell her something, pull her close to whisper in her ear and wanting to reach for her waist to hold her against him and it always took a second to remember she wasn't there. And the realization of the physical distance always felt more vast when he remembered.

Feeling they were as ready as they were likely to get, Hetty dismissed them for the day. Eric finally left late into the evening and after a long and punishing workout in the gym just to kill the time, Deeks showered, then began his daily pace around OSP. He found the building an interesting place at night. There'd been times in the last few years that the team had been there late into the night or the early morning on a case. But it was different once it had become his own personal home the last few days.

Every place had a story to tell, and OSP was no different. He'd found a hidden plaque proclaiming the building a historic landmark, designed by a famous southern California architect. He'd spent hours poring over the photos that adorned the walls around Hetty's desk. Many of them were hard to believe but impossible to refute. Hetty in exotic locations, on the sets of famous movies in film history, with political leaders and historic events that he could only guess at why she'd been present.

He'd looked at but not through the team's desks. The origami on Sam's desk was folded from a variety of available paper sources, from candy wrappers to receipts to post-it notes. Callen's desk was a study in discipline. Papers, folders, pens, even paperclips were all angularly aligned and put in their rightful place. Kensi's desk was the exact counterpoint as a study in chaos. Deeks grinned at the clutter, Kensi's inability to let go of knick-knacks an insight into her he wouldn't have guessed when they first met.

He had a feeling it was because the connections she'd made in her adult life had either been fleeting or had disappointed her. It made her try and find meaning in small things that on the surface had very little meaning. His mind drifting to Kensi, and wondering how things were going in San Diego he meandered over to the couch, collapsing onto the cushions and bringing his feet up to rest on the arm as he pulled out his phone, dialing Kensi's number.

The phone rang several times and he frowned at the lack of response until it was about to switch over the voice mail and she answered, her voice quietly hushed.

"Marty."

He smiled, foolishly pleased at the sound of his name coming from her. He'd been "Deeks" to everyone—LAPD, NCIS—that just being "Marty" was an interesting sort of relief.

"Hey, how are things going? How is Diane settling back home?" Deeks asked, knowing Kensi had brought Diane home the previous day and had likely been busy organizing her medications and helping her adjust to altered life at home.

"I think we're finally getting everything where it needs to be. I can't thank you enough for all the work you did, bringing the furniture downstairs. She's having more trouble moving around than I think the doctor anticipated. And that's been hard on her but at least you helped make it as easy as possible," Kensi replied quietly. Deeks ran a hand through his hair in an embarrassed gesture. It hadn't seemed like much at all, to help around the house. At the time it had meant more to him to be able to help, to lend a hand and do something for Kensi. But he couldn't deny that hearing the gratitude in her voice made him feel like a better person. It wasn't a big deal but it had meant a great deal.

"Any word on an arrival from the General of Cody?" Deeks asked curiously, keeping his voice even and measured. After Kensi's conversation with the General two days earlier she'd told him about the strides they'd made. And Deeks was hopeful for her that when it came to a face-to-face conversation that they would be able to hold onto their progress forward. But there was a strong part of him that wished he could be there for her when that happened. Rationally he knew she could handle it on her own but he wished she didn't have to.

"Hopefully tomorrow morning. Early this morning I got a call from Cody and he told me he was getting on a transport but he wasn't sure if he would get delayed with a layover on the way. I'm not sure about the General. I know they'll get here as soon as they can," Kensi replied. She paused, worry creeping into her voice. "How are things going with the computer training?"

Deeks knew the source of worry was that she was far away and he might need to return to their undercover assignment and she wouldn't be available to back him up. He knew because he would have felt the same way.

"We finished this evening. Eric says I'm ready to be a bank robber/computer hacker and I think I'm going to head back to Venice tomorrow evening. The FBI wants to debrief me tomorrow, get as many details on the undercover operation as possible, before I go back in."

Kensi released a frustrated sigh. "I should be there. I would be there if I could—"

"Kens, it's okay. If I go back tomorrow and you're still gone a few days I don't think it's a big deal. I can cover for you with the undercover."

She grumbled a little in his ear and he smiled fondly, knowing that although Kensi was where she needed to be, she still wanted to be where he was. Knowing that made it easy to miss her, and made it easy for him to make allowances that she couldn't be. Hearing the sounds of her moving around, he decided to change the subject. Besides, he wanted to hear what she'd been doing. It amazed him a little how the mundane details were the ones he wanted to know.

"Where are you? Isn't it about time for you to be getting some sleep?" Deeks asked, noting the late hour.

"Since when do I have a curfew?" Kensi huffed irritably. Deeks smiled, having gotten the rise out of her he was looking for. "Diane went to bed a while ago and I was cleaning up downstairs. But I'm upstairs now and I was about to get in the shower."

Kensi's words immediately made his throat go dry and he could swear his body temperature rose several degrees, all while his imagination quickly provided the memory of Kensi soaked in the shower, water running down her body in rivulets and shining off her perfect skin like wet ribbons. He clenched his free hand in a fist, trying to push aside the literal ache he felt at his fingertips to feel her skin glide under his hand.

New physical relationships often had that tinge of never quite feeling like enough. Never enough lips touching, never enough fingers exploring skin, never enough of the slow collision of bodies coming together. But in his experience that feeling faded quickly. Without the emotional connection of something deeper the body was sated while the soul continued to want. Which was why the longing and constant thrum of desire he felt for Kensi was multiplied by a factor beyond anything he'd ever been able to even conceive of before.

The silence stretched between them, intimate and laden with memory. When Kensi finally spoke her voice was low and amused. "You're thinking about me naked in the shower, aren't you?"

Deeks chuckled, not bothering to try and object. "How could I not? You left that wide open. It is one of my favorite pastimes, thinking of you naked, wet, beautiful—"

"Marty—"

Deeks sensed Kensi's slight embarrassment, and he knew it had everything to do with his appreciative assessment of her. "What? You'd better get used to me calling you beautiful. I plan to do it a lot."

He waited for her to object, or warn him, but the silence on the other end of the line stretched on for a long moment. He was about to ask if she was still there when he heard the unmistakable slide of metal-on-metal and click as a magazine was loaded into a gun and the safety released. On his feet in an instant and heart pounding at the thought of Kensi hundreds of miles away and loading a gun, Deeks had never felt quite as helpless.

"Kensi, what—"

"Shh. Someone's in the house. I need to put the phone down—"

"No, Kensi, do not leave the phone. Put it in your pocket, take it with you," Deeks kept his voice calm even while it felt as though his heart was rising to strangle in his throat. He strained to hear over the muffling of sounds as Kensi presumably pocketed the phone. Having stormed many a building with her, Deeks could picture her perfectly, her right arm extended, gun drawn, her left arm bent and palm supporting her right hand, head tilted to aim. He could see it all so clearly and that only made him feel more desperate that he wasn't there at her back.

The silence was more than deafening, it was like a vacuum, until Kensi's voice cut through, cold and calculating. "I have a 9mm Beretta M9 pointed at your head. Hands behind your head, lock your fingers together, and turn around slowly."

Deeks waited through the longest four seconds of his life and then heard Kensi's loud exclamation.

"Cody!"

He exhaled loudly and sat back on the couch, knees shaking a little as he collapsed in relief against the cushions. Deeks listened to the sound of laughter and Kensi's angry but affectionate voice over the phone. "What the hell were you thinking, sneaking into the house in the middle of the night?"

"I wasn't thinking you'd find Dad's old service weapon and threaten to blow my head off with it."

There was the muffling of clothing against the phone's speaker and then finally Kensi's voice, clear and reassuring in Deeks' ear. "It's okay, Marty. I'm okay. It's just Cody."

"And Dad. He's here too. He's in with Mom."

Deeks heard Kensi's breath catch, knew then that she hadn't known until that moment that the General was also there. And no matter how much she thought she might be prepared to talk with him, no matter how certain she was that she could forgive and let go, being faced with the prospect was a much heavier reality.

"Kens—"

"It's okay. Really, I'm good," Kensi paused, taking a deep breath. "But I'd better go. I'll call you in the morning?"

"You'd better."

Kensi hung up the phone on her end, wishing her connection with Deeks hadn't been lost with the dimming of the screen. It had been on the tip of her tongue—_I love you_—but she wasn't ready for other people to hear such private words, words she only wanted Deeks to hear her say.

Taking a deep breath, Kensi turned back to Cody, smiling widely at her surrogate brother. Tall, broad shouldered and nearly a solid wall of muscle, Cody Keppinger was every inch the poster boy for the Marine Corps. Although he had his mother's brown eyes, Kensi could see more and more that Cody was coming to resemble his father in the square jaw, long nose and wide smile they shared. But where the General's smile had often been more reserved, she knew Cody's came easily and frequently.

"Are you going to put the gun down so I can hug you?" Cody asked cautiously, motioning to where Kensi still held the Beretta in her right hand, relaxed at her side. She cocked her head to the side, seeming to consider his question seriously before complying, then she put the gun on the counter after securing the safety. Cody was watching her with amusement.

"Since when do you have such a sense of humor?" he asked curiously. Kensi was about to strenuously object but she realized that in the last few years she'd only kept in touch with Cody sparingly and that had mostly been before Deeks. And while she'd certainly had something of a sense of humor before him, it was as though he'd set something free in her.

"The gun is still within my reach," she warned. Cody smiled broadly, then reached for her, sweeping her up in his arms and twirling her around as if she weighed nothing.

"There's the Kensi I remember!"

She laughed in his ear, squeezing her arms tight around his shoulder and closing her eyes in gratitude. She'd been worried, more than even she'd realized, until she'd turned the corner coming down the stairs to find Cody in the kitchen. He'd obeyed her commands and turned to look at her and all thoughts of intruders had flown from her mind. But up until that moment she'd been terrified. Not of dealing with an intruder, but of protecting Diane and not having Deeks there by her side.

When Cody finally set her down again he released her with a quick squeeze of her shoulder before he turned back to the refrigerator, pulling out a beer. He offered one to Kensi and feeling nervous at the prospect of being face-to-face with family members she hadn't seen in years she took it, swallowing a long drag. Maybe the alcohol would calm the riot of butterflies swarming in her stomach.

"Where's your dad?"

"He's in with Mom. I saw her briefly when we got here but I thought I'd give them some time," Cody replied, his eyes involuntarily drifting in the direction of the front room where Diane's bedroom now was. "He'll come out in a few minutes. He's really anxious to see you, Kensi."

Kensi took a deep breath, the butterflies continuing to dance at Cody's words. The anticipation was part dread and part hope. But for once, hope was actually winning out.

Leaning against the kitchen island, Kensi studied Cody closely. "Your mom said you'll be stationed here starting next month?"

"Yeah, actually, I'm here to stay now. It was close enough to my reassignment and I have a boatload of use-or-lose stored up, so my CO granted me the leave until my official start next month."

"You're still with Marine Special Operations Command?" Kensi asked, referring to the Marine Corps' answer to the Navy SEAL and the Army Ranger.

"I'm with the MSOC, yes. But I'm not officially a part of the Marine Special Operations team any longer. I needed to rotate out of Afghanistan and the Corps thought some of my skills would be better used here to train some of the guys who may take my place," Cody replied with a shrug, crossing his arms over his chest. Kensi narrowed her eyes, allowing teasing suspicion she knew he would see light her eyes.

"Un mejor uso hace qué? Surf?" _Better used doing what? Surfing?_

Cody's smile widened to a grin at her scoffing questions in Spanish. They'd both been good at picking up languages as kids, having come from similar backgrounds of moving around all over the world. And it was a game they used to play, trading back questions and insults in different languages until one of them could trip up the other with a language they didn't recognize.

"Nu fi gelos pentru că n-ai învătat cum să navighezi." _Don't be jealous because you never learned how to surf._

Kensi grinned at the Romanian, suddenly glad she'd gotten Callen to teach her the basics and enough to get by.

"É aí que você está errado! Eu posso navegar agora." _That's where you're wrong! I can surf now._

Cody raised a skeptical eyebrow at her insistence in Portuguese. When he spoke next Kensi knew she'd been beaten. She recognized the cadence and tone as something Middle Eastern, which she knew Cody had more background in thanks to his work in Afghanistan.

"What language was that?"

"Pashto. I also picked up Dari and Uzbek while I was over there."

"What did you say?" Kensi asked curiously.

"'That's something I need to see for myself.' The surfing. What in the world ever convinced you to learn how to surf?"

"Believe it or not, it happened thanks to my undercover assignment. And because of Marty." Kensi reluctantly divulged the last part, knowing without a doubt Cody would latch onto her mention of Deeks. And he didn't disappoint her.

"So, your cop's a surfer. Is he any good?"

"He is. Better than most," Kensi replied, allowing a touch of pride to seep into her voice. The look of pleased surprise on Cody's face told her he'd picked up on the subtle change in her voice, and that he was happy to hear it. Although Cody had never known Jack, of all the Keppingers he knew the most about what she'd gone through with his leaving. Seeing her happy with someone was clearly a pleasant change.

"I wouldn't mind seeing that someday. And I'd like to meet him. And thank him for everything he did to help Mom." Cody paused, worry furrowing his forehead. "Is she really okay? She seemed tired and so much weaker than I've ever seen her."

Kensi reached out and laid a hand on Cody's forearm, squeezing gently. "She's okay. Still recovering from the heart attack but getting stronger every day. I think it's just going to take time between the medication, the new diet, and exercise. I'm glad you're here though."

"Yeah, I know you need to get back to Los Angeles soon. How long can you stay?"

Kensi paused, knowing that as much as she wanted to stay, her duty and her heart were in Los Angeles. She needed to get back to Deeks.

"I'll need to go back tomorrow. As long as you think you'll be okay here?"

"We'll be fine."

Kensi froze and turned around at the sound of the General's warm voice. He stood in the doorway to the kitchen, nearly filling the wood frame, his green eyes full of affection she hadn't seen in years. And when Robert blinked quickly she almost missed the barely tucked away regret in his eyes. It surprised her that he didn't hide it better, and that it even existed at all. For so long she'd thought she'd meant so little to him. But faced with the reality of overwhelming caring in his eyes and smile, she couldn't help but feel the hopeful confirmation that her assumptions had been wrong.

Robert gave her an uncertain smile. "We'll be fine, though we will miss you."

"I'll come back soon," Kensi whispered, struggling to keep her voice even under the tide of emotion swelling in her chest. "And I'll bring Marty with me. I'd like you two to meet him."

Robert glanced at his son, a look passing between the two men that Kensi knew was full of protective instinct. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Even though she'd been on her own for ten years they still had the urge to guard her. As a teenager and young woman she'd found it insufferable. Now she couldn't help but feel lucky that they cared enough to want to look out for her. Perhaps she didn't need the interference. But it was still sometimes nice to have people want to protect you.

"I'll only bring him if you promise no hazing. He already has Diane's seal of approval. And that should be good enough for the both of you."

Robert smiled broadly at his wife's name, nodding in agreement. "That he does. And I think that's good enough for me."

Kensi nodded, slightly stupefied. The man in front of her was so different than he'd been ten, even five, years earlier. He looked a little older with thick gray hair and a few more lines weathered in his face. But the real difference was in how he behaved and responded to her.

As a teenager he had laid down orders with very little regard for her opinion on the matter. But somehow since then he was looking at her, watching her reactions, thinking of how she felt and trying to understand her. She had a feeling he still didn't wholeheartedly approve of her past decisions or even her current choices in life. But he wasn't mandating compliance from her anymore. The love that had motivated him to try and control had tempered into love that was accepting.

Cody tipped back his bottle of beer, draining the remaining liquid. He tossed the bottle into the recycle bin and gave Kensi's arm a quick squeeze. "I'm going to bed. See you both in the morning."

Kensi offered Cody a nervous smile, catching his understanding brown eyes with hers. It shouldn't have surprised her, how astute he could be. On the one hand she desperately didn't want him to leave, didn't want to face the inevitable conversation with his father. But on the other hand Cody knew they needed to have the conversation and he wasn't going to interfere but also wasn't going to let either of them off that easy.

Cody left the kitchen, climbing the stairs as Kensi watched Robert move towards the refrigerator, pulling out another beer for her and one for himself. She took it, grateful to have something else in her hands to keep her nervous fingers from continuing to peel off the bottle label from her first beer. Robert gestured with his bottle to the gun on the counter.

"I'm sorry, we should have called. But we got in and it was late. And neither of us wanted to wait to get home. It's good to know you've been on guard. How did you find it?" Robert asked. Kensi gave him a slight smile.

"The old cigar humidor box Dad gave you? Dead giveaway," Kensi replied.

Robert picked up the gun, his fingers curling around the weapon with clear familiarity. He glanced at Kensi, curiosity lighting his eyes. "How did you know how to load it?"

"You forget, Dad taught me all about weapons, especially the standard M9 they issue Marines," Kensi replied, shrugging nonchalantly. "My partner carries the same gun, the 92FS. And I've had to learn how to handle a lot of different weapons in my line of work."

Kensi watched the General as he silently met her eyes with his. She saw the deep sadness and regret in his eyes and she knew somehow it had nothing to do with his feelings about her life choices and everything to do with how he hated the idea that she lived the kind of life where intricate knowledge of weaponry was required. She recognized the look, it was the kind of innate understanding that soldiers had. It was regret that she'd had to take lives. And it was sadness because he'd lived and experienced the same and knew the burden of remorse. Even a justified killing still carried weight.

Nodding in accepting defeat, Robert took a sip of his beer and then met her eyes squarely with his own. He opened his mouth to speak but Kensi quickly cut him off, her voice almost desperate.

"We don't have to do this right now," she whispered quietly, almost hoping he would agree. Robert's eyes turned a shade of warmth tinged with kindness she wasn't used to seeing from him.

"I think we do. We've had ten years of things not said, of assumed feelings and thoughts. If you don't want to talk that's okay. But I need you to hear what I have to say. I can't let you keep thinking what you probably have the last several years." Robert put down his beer and rested his palms flat on the counter of the kitchen island, locking his elbows as he met her uncertain gaze with his steady eyes. "Losing Rourke was like losing my brother. Gaining you was the scariest responsibility I've ever had. I've commanded countless men in battle and I've been at the edge staring at the possibility of my life ending more times than I care to admit. But none of that was as scary as when you came into our lives."

Kensi felt hot tears beginning to gather in her eyes and she blinked furiously, trying to remind herself not to react emotionally. But she was finding that increasingly hard after hearing Robert viewed at her as some kind of scary burden he'd had to shoulder. Seeing the sheen in her eyes he hurried on to reassure her.

"Not because taking you in was something we didn't want. My first thought after hearing that your father was killed was about what would happen to you. It was only scary because I didn't want to let Rourke down. You were his entire world and he would have done anything to keep you safe and happy. Maybe I took that on incorrectly, but that's what I wanted to give you. I couldn't give you your father back. But I wanted to give you the life he wanted for you."

"How could you know what life he wanted for me?" Kensi asked softly.

"It was something we talked about here and there. He wanted you to get an education, find a calling in life outside of the military. He knew that was a world you were comfortable in because it was all he knew and all he'd exposed you to. He thought it was a limiting life and he wanted more for you," Robert admitted. Kensi was silent, shocked with information about her father she'd never known.

"It wasn't for him to decide that. I loved the life we had," Kensi whispered. Robert nodded with understanding.

"I know. And I know it was foolish of me to take his wishes to heart. But he'd said he wanted you to go to college, find your place in the world away from the military. That's why I was relieved you went off to school and were studying criminal justice. I think he would have been pleased you focused your grief over his death into a career that might catch criminals."

"But then I met Jack."

Robert paused, uncertainty passing over his face. "You did. And I saw how your life was changing, was molding around a soldier's life. And I knew without a doubt it wasn't what Rourke would have wanted for you."

"But Jack was a Marine, just like Dad. I can't believe he wouldn't have approved of him." Kensi struggled, uncertainty clouding her voice.

"I have no doubt your father would have approved of him as a soldier. But Kensi, those of us who are career soldiers, especially if we've served in combat, we don't really wish the kind of life on our loved ones where they are waiting for our return or worse, waiting for word of injury or death. I'm selfish because as much as I wish Diane a life free from worrying about me and waiting for me, I can't be noble enough to let her go. I love her too much. And I know ultimately she wouldn't choose that life for herself."

Kensi mulled over Robert's words, trying to readjust her conclusions of the last ten years. She looked at Robert, seeing nothing but truth in his gentle green eyes.

"So you disapproved of Jack based solely on my father's wishes? What about the fact that he made me happy? Didn't that matter at all?" Kensi challenged. Robert shifted uncomfortably from foot-to-foot.

"It should have. And my reaction, disapproving of your engagement, shouldn't have been based on the simple fact that he was a soldier. That wasn't my only reason. You were also so young and it seemed like such a quick decision. Were you really ready to be a Marine's wife? Was Jack really what would have made you happy long term? I know now it wasn't right because I didn't give you a say, but I thought I was protecting you, protecting your future," Robert replied, clearly awkward with discussing her love life when she'd been a young woman.

Kensi tried to look at it from his point of view. And she thought about how even just recently she'd concluded that though her relationship with Jack had been wonderful at the time, she hadn't really been prepared for that kind of life. And she hadn't really known who she was or what she really wanted. She might have grown into it, probably would have gladly settled into the role of a Marine's wife. Jack leaving had changed that outcome and gave her perspective now on how things could have been different.

"You weren't entirely wrong to be concerned. I thought that was a life I wanted. But I think I see now that I wasn't sure who I was and Jack was a familiar reminder of a life I thought would make me happy," Kensi admitted. "But when things turned and Jack left I don't think I've ever felt more alone. I couldn't turn to any of you because you'd pushed me away."

Kensi didn't try and hide the hurt inflection of her voice, reasoning that he deserved to know what she felt, easy or difficult that it might be to hear.

"And that was wrong of me. I told you what I thought and I phrased my disapproval as a kind of order, and I expected you to comply. When you didn't, I felt as though I'd failed your father, and you. It's my weakness that I don't accept failure well. Not in myself and not in others. And I couldn't reconcile what I thought of as a failure on my part with reality. So I unfairly pushed you away. I don't have many regrets, Kensi. But I will be forever sorry for that."

Robert looked at her, pain written tiredly on his face as he struggled with remorse she realized he'd been carrying around as long as she'd been feeling hurt and alone. Thinking of all the lost time, lost because they hadn't had the honest conversation they were right then, she shook her head slowly.

"And I'm sorry I didn't at least try to listen. My temper got the better of me. I shouldn't have reacted as I did. I should have tried harder to explain. Losing my dad made me feel alone in the world. Being accepted by you and Diane changed all that. But I felt like you were snatching it away, like your love and acceptance had conditions, when you wouldn't accept my engagement and later my decision to join NCIS."

Robert's eyes widened in surprise and Kensi could see she'd shocked him to silence. But understanding dawned in his eyes, then a sheen of blame and shame that she suddenly felt guilty for having put there. Acting on impulse, she crossed the kitchen in a few long strides and took his hand in hers, squeezing gently.

"I'm not saying that to make you feel guilty. I think I understand now that isn't what you intended. But it's how I felt at the time. I think that when we got thrown together as a family it was kind of a complicated mess. The normal rules about how families fight and make amends didn't quite apply. And we weren't prepared to deal with how to weather those kinds of arguments."

Kensi smiled softly, thinking of the one awkward argument she'd had with Callen after Keelson's warehouse exploded, and how Sam had hesitantly tried to comfort her during the Talbot case. The NCIS team was an odd sort of family too, where easy familial acceptance and forgiveness were uncharted. They all made mistakes, could have held bad decisions against each other. But they found a way, despite the lack of set rules.

Robert returned the gesture of squeezing her hand, then surprised her when he pulled her close, his arms going around her and hugging her tight. She closed her eyes at the apprehensiveness of his embrace and how his hand went up to her neck to gently smooth her hair. Robert held her close but he held her carefully, almost as if he feared she might disappear or push him away. The remnants of bruised feelings and regrets would take awhile to shed altogether.

"I'm still so very sorry for ever making you feel that way," Robert's voice was soft and broken towards the end and Kensi felt tears slipping down her cheeks, hating that she'd made him feel that way but also needing him to know how she'd felt. "I hope you can forgive me one day."

Kensi nodded, her chin bumping his shoulder as she stretched on her tiptoes to stay within his warm embrace. "I can. I do. I do forgive you."

She didn't imagine the deep and shuddering breath Robert took, or how his arms squeezed her tight one more time before pulling back from her so he could look at her face. The tears in his eyes surprised her, as did his gentle hand as it reached up to brush away her tears.

She was familiar with the tough and unyielding man who kept emotions hidden. But she could tell that the last ten years had made him reevaluate what and who was important. Loss did that sometimes. She knew now, looking at the fond smile and warmth in his eyes, she'd always been important to him. Even if he hadn't been very good at showing it and she'd been blind and unable to see it. And now he was unwilling to let the implied stay unsaid.

"I know Diane and I had very little to do with how you've turned into the impressive woman you are today. But I'm still proud of who you've become. Your father would be proud, too."

Kensi shifted, internally warring with the emotional disparity within her. Her father would always be one of her most treasured and painful memories. The loss would always be a part of her. But that family was gone, a part of her history. And she had another family now. Not to replace what she'd lost. But Diane, Robert and Cody, and ultimately Deeks and the family they had at NCIS, were the family of her future. She'd spent so longer fighting against connections with people, whether because of her one date rule or being stubborn about seeing the General's point of view. But she could change all that now.

She nodded, grateful for Robert's words. But for everything he'd said, for the forgiveness he'd asked for from her, she still felt as though he shouldn't shoulder all the blame for the things that had gone wrong between them.

"Can you forgive me? For not listening, for pushing you away, for not being there when you needed me?" Kensi asked, referring to the time when Cody had been injured and she'd been unable to leave Jack to be with the Keppingers. Robert's forehead furrowed into confusion, then his face eased into an understanding smile.

"Of course. There really isn't anything to forgive, Kensi. As with many things in life, including nuclear war and schoolyard fights, the adage of who started it first applies. I can tell you feel to blame but you shouldn't. But if it would ease your mind to hear me say it, I forgive you too."

Kensi nodded quickly, knowing by the lightening in her chest that whether or not Robert thought she had a reason to apologize, she needed to. Just as she needed his forgiveness.

When Kensi finally backed away from Robert, giving him a slight smile, she felt her heart warm at the answering affection in his face, at how his hand went up to stroke her cheek briefly, as if he couldn't help but want to touch her. He'd been somewhat sparing in his gestures of physical affection when she'd been a teenager. But then they did have ten years to make up for.

"I know we still have lots to discuss and I want to spend as much time with you as possible before you have to leave, but maybe we should pick this up in the morning?" Glancing at his watch he grimaced. "Or more rightly, we should pick this up _later _in the morning?"

Kensi laughed and nodded, noting the late hour. After saying goodnight Robert left the kitchen for the front room where Diane was and Kensi switched off the lights, climbing the stairs to the guest bedroom.

She laid down in the bed, turned on her side towards the half of the bed Deeks normally occupied. Her heart felt nearly full to bursting, full of love and possibility that hadn't really been an option she could imagine even six months ago. It was a kind of scary reality.

Being alone had its advantages. There was certainly much less risk of being hurt. But thinking of the acceptance of Diane's smile, the pride in the General's eyes, the affectionate exuberance of Cody's grin and bone crushing hug, she knew being alone wasn't what she wanted. Even when she'd fooled herself into thinking it was. And Deeks, with all his thoughtfulness, bravery, and dogged persistence, he made what they had worth the risk of what they might lose.

Kensi thought about what Robert had said, about what her father had wanted for her. He might not have wanted her to have a life tinged with pain and loss but she'd had that. Perhaps it was a parent's wish that their child not experience that kind of harsh reality. But even now, she couldn't be sorry for what she'd lived through. It hadn't been perfect by any measure. But it had brought her to where she was now. And she believed her father would be happy for that.

* * *

><p>Kensi was up early on Wednesday morning, only having slept a few hours. But she was anxious to talk to Deeks, so anxious that when she called him she woke him up, it was still so early.<p>

"How much sleep did you get last night?" he mumbled sleepily. Kensi grinned at the mental picture of him—hair tousled and eyes barely open—that came as easily as breathing. She'd woken up with him enough times to know exactly what she was missing. Deeks was especially tactile in the morning, his defenses completely down and his emotions plain for her to see. Over the last three days she'd missed waking up to his hands around her waist pulling her close, his lips hot on her neck and mouth. Waking up with him had become something she unabashedly looked forward to.

"A few hours. I'm sorry I woke you," Kensi said quietly. Deeks murmured away her apology and after asking her how things went with the General, she filled him in. It took her awhile to recap the conversation and by that point Deeks was significantly more awake.

"So it sounds like you got to air out most of the issues you've had. How do you feel about all that?" Deeks asked. Kensi smiled, his concern for her, always her first, touching her.

"It feels freeing. And a little strange. I never thought I would have this, have them as a family, again. I think it'll still take some time to adjust but I like the idea of having them in my life again."

"I'm glad, Kensi. You deserve to have that again."

Kensi listened to Deeks' voice, sensing the undercurrent of longing in his voice. And she realized that Deeks didn't seem to understand she included him in the circle of what she considered her family.

"You're a part of this too, Marty. I know it's not the family you probably expected to have, but you and I, we're family too."

Kensi listened to the silence on the phone, realizing after the words left her mouth how serious they were. They were the kind of words that probably sent most typical single, commitment phobic men running. But Deeks was anything but typical. And she knew him. She knew what she was offering, what she'd said, was something he'd always wanted and probably had never allowed himself to hope he might have.

"You might regret saying that, Kensi. They might not accept me or accept us—"

Kensi interrupted Deeks, recognizing his stalling and capitulating tactic for what it was. Denial of what he was fearful of hoping for.

"You know that's not going to happen, Marty. And you know Diane loves you," Kensi chided gently. "And it doesn't matter if for some bizarro reason they don't accept you or us. I love you and that's what matters."

The deep and slightly shaky breath he took had her longing to be next to him, able to reach out and pull him close, kiss away the childhood uncertainty and feelings of inadequacy she knew were fighting for dominance in him. She wished she could shake those feelings loose, could banish them forever. But she also knew it would never be as simple as that with him. And she was fine with that. Even if it took a lifetime of convincing him he was the wonderful man she knew and loved, she would willingly take on the task.

"Okay?" Kensi questioned softly. It was more than a question of his state of being or his understanding of what she'd said. It was her request that he believe her, that he accept she told him the truth even when it was hard for him to acknowledge. At his soft chuckle she imagined his smile lifting his mouth, pictured the happiness in his clear blue eyes.

"Okay."

He was quiet for a moment and Kensi let the silence between them comfort her. They'd never really had a problem with awkward silences, even at the beginning of their partnership. In part because Deeks usually filled silence with words, but also because even when there was quiet between them they could still read each other.

"When are you coming home?"

Kensi grinned at Deeks' question, the slight impatient tone underscored by the plain longing in his voice. "Why? Do you miss me?"

"Desperately."

Kensi felt her heart speed up at the word, the knowledge that he missed her making her feel a little silly but pleased at the same time.

"That, and if you come back then I won't have to go back to Venice without you later today. I'm already dreading the meeting with the FBI later today. But at least if you're coming back then I have something to look forward to," Deeks said hopefully.

"I'll be back later this afternoon, maybe in the evening. You'll have to be a little patient," Kensi replied, to which Deeks gave the expected grumbling response. After exchanging goodbyes Kensi got out of bed, showered and went downstairs to find Diane asleep still and Cody and Robert at the dining room table. Cody rose to pour Kensi a cup of coffee and she sat down between the two men, letting her apprehension grow at the speculative look Cody was giving her.

"What? You're killing me with the barely contained silence, Cody," Kensi remarked dryly.

"Dad and I were just discussing this branch of NCIS that you work for. He says it's somehow different from the usual NCIS that investigates crimes against Marines and sailors."

Kensi fixed Robert with a suspicious gaze, knowing he would have had to do some digging to get that kind of information. He had the dignity to look a little chagrined.

"I swear, I didn't check you out. But after your boss called and chewed me out for interfering in your undercover I did look into her. And I only got so far before even my security clearance wasn't enough," Robert admitted. Kensi pressed her lips together and merely smiled, knowing her lack of response would only make Cody more curious.

"I'm dying here, Kensi. Are you a super-secret spy or something?"

"Cody," Robert admonished firmly, trading quick glances with Kensi. "You know as well as anyone there are probably things Kensi can't tell us. Don't push her."

Cody's eyes shifted to understanding and he nodded quickly, shooting Kensi an apologetic look. Kensi found she was surprised at Cody's easy acceptance of his father's command. Before Deeks she'd been used to the military chain of command. And in many ways it still governed her life and had as long as she could remember. Growing up with a Marine for a father taught you a thing or two about following orders and not questioning.

But then she'd met Deeks. And even though Deeks knew how to follow authority, he also liked to flirt playfully with balking at orders and conformity. It came out when he teasingly pushed back at Hetty. It was subtly represented in the messy state of his hair and refusal to shave regularly. And now it didn't seem quite so odd to her to question things, to try and get at the truth. Cody was a different story though. He'd grown up the son of a Marine and he served with a highly skilled and most certainly clandestine special ops team. He knew a thing or two about following orders and keeping secrets.

But Kensi reasoned there were some things she could tell them. Both Robert and Cody had high-level security clearances. She could certainly share more with them than she'd been able to tell Diane.

"I'm in the Office of Special Projects, which focuses occasionally on international terrorism as well as intelligence breaches. And we get pulled into a variety of crimes like drug trafficking and illegal weapons sales. A lot of my work involves undercover operations. Usually they're pretty short, but occasionally they're longer."

"Like your assignment right now? It's a longer undercover?" Cody asked curiously. Kensi nodded.

"It is, though it isn't an NCIS assignment. The FBI and LAPD are trying to track down who might be responsible for a string of bank robberies and they suspect there are ties with a Mexican drug cartel."

"Bank robberies and drug cartels, huh? That's an interesting way to try and launder the money. We saw a lot of Afghani drug lords using weapons as the exchange to clean their cash. But I suspect things were a little more low tech over there," Cody commented. Turning her surprised eyes to him, Cody shrugged self consciously, then winked at her. "What can I say? The MSOC covered a variety of mission areas in the Middle East."

Kensi shook her head in slight amazement thinking she and Cody could easily trade war stories someday. Provided they each had the necessary security clearances.

"Something tells me you'd fit in at NCIS quite well," Kensi murmured. "Have you ever thought of a career change?"

"Nah, the Corps still needs me plenty. I have language skills not many people do. And managing to escape my fair share of close calls makes me an ideal training instructor. Not to mention it will be nice to be near you and Mom."

Cody's words were adamant but looking at him, Kensi sensed the slight undercurrent of dissatisfaction. She knew he would never speak out against the Corps since that wasn't what Marines did. But she could tell he wasn't entirely happy with his recent career move. Cody wasn't the kind of man content to simply teach. She wanted to push further but felt as though they were still regaining what had drifted away from them over the last ten years. Their relationship was still forming again and she didn't want to damage their renewed connection by seeming to judge him.

Clearing his throat, Robert met Kensi's eyes before he glanced at the front room where Diane was, then back to her. "When do you need to be heading back?"

Kensi felt torn, part of her wishing she could stay longer while the other part of her was practically straining to get in her car and immediately drive north back to Los Angeles. It was a precarious sort of balance that left her slightly uncertain. But then she thought of Deeks and knew it had never really been a question.

"Since you two are here I need to be leaving this afternoon. But that way I can walk you through the day and what you need to know." Kensi paused, hating the idea of a goodbye and not wanting to vocalize the possibility. "And I'll be back once my assignment is over."

"Don't forget to bring your partner. Or should I say boyfriend?"

Cody's teasing words made her wince. _Boyfriend._ It seemed like such an inadequate description for Deeks. And she honestly couldn't ever imagine introducing him to anyone that way. The labels and descriptions were something else they would eventually have to figure out.

Kensi was saved from responding by the stern look Robert gave Cody, who merely smiled back while affecting the air of innocence he'd clearly learned from his mother.

"Just come back when you can," Robert suggested, to which Kensi returned his hopeful smile with one of her own. Draining their cups of coffee, Kensi turned her attention to telling Robert and Cody everything they would need to know in order to take care of Diane and take over for her. Having that to focus on somehow made it easier towards the end of the afternoon when she finally packed up her things, exchanged goodbyes and hugs with each of the Keppingers, and began the drive back north.

And even though it pained her to leave Diane, to put distance between herself and the barely beginning to heal connection with the General, with each passing mile Kensi was more and more certain she was returning to where she belonged. Her anticipation grew as she reached the outskirts of Los Angeles and she found herself repeatedly glancing at the clock, estimating traffic and the travel time it would take for her to reach OSP.

It was dark by the time she finally parked her car and entered OSP. She'd sent a text message to Deeks when she'd started her journey and he'd said he would wait for her so they could head back to Santa Monica together. Kensi crossed the familiar threshold into OSP, her eyes sweeping the area for Deeks. When she didn't see him immediately she turned to look at Hetty's desk, finding her boss rising from her chair to greet her. Kensi closed the distance between them, accepting the fond smile from Hetty.

"Welcome back, Ms. Blye. You left your family in reasonably good health?"

Kensi smiled gratefully. "Yes, thank you. And thank you for allowing me to go and help. I know it created some challenges—"

Hetty waved away her concerns. "Challenges are a part of our job, my dear. What matters is how we deal with them. And family is important."

"Yes, it is," Kensi murmured. Thinking of Deeks, she looked around. "Where is Marty? He said he would wait for me. He's not still being debriefed by the FBI, is he?"

A flicker of something that looked a little like apprehension passed through Hetty's eyes and Kensi opened her mouth to question further but Hetty cut her off.

"I believe Mr. Deeks was resting on the couch a few minutes ago. And I know you both need to return to your undercover assignment as soon as possible so I won't keep you." In a move that surprised Kensi, Hetty reached out and took Kensi's hands in hers, squeezing gently. "Look out for each other and stay safe. And don't forget that we are here to back you up."

Kensi mutely nodded, feeling unsettled by Hetty's caginess and veiled statements. She turned and walked towards the bullpen, tossing her bag on her chair as she walked towards the couch, softening her footsteps against the tile as she approached Deeks, sprawled out and fast asleep.

Her heart tripped at the sight of him, dead to the world and relaxed in what looked like a deep and dreamless sleep. He'd never been the devious-looking sort of man, but asleep he looked particularly harmless. Kensi smiled, affection making her kneel down next to the couch and her need to touch him compelling her to rest her hand on his chest, her fingers slipping under his left hand where it had been relaxed and flat on his breastbone.

He responded instantly, taking a deep breath while his eyes were still closed, his hand drifting up her arm, trailing a memorized path from her wrist to her forearm and elbow, slightly squeezing her shoulder after passing her bicep and leaving a line of goose bumps in his wake until his hand went to her neck, his fingers curling and cupping while pulling her close.

Kensi couldn't even attempt to resist, even while the reality of where they were screamed in her head. She quieted the internal objections and let Deeks pull her close, his lips finding hers to brush lightly. Her reaction was instantaneous as she shivered at the welcome feel of his facial hair against her smooth skin and she opened her lips against his, deepening their kiss.

The deep and delighted murmur that vibrated from his chest had her fingers moving to his shoulder, and dancing through his messy hair. The pressure of his lips, the gentle way he held her, the way he couldn't stop touching her, told her everything she needed to know. _I love you. I missed you. I want you._ It would have been less obvious if he'd put up a neon sign.

But as she pulled back, her eyes fluttering open and her breath coming in barely contained deep breaths, and she opened her eyes to the sight of Deeks, his eyes full of only her and darkening to the almost green-blue she loved, her unthinking and natural response was a warm blush and wide smile. Deeks smiled right back, his thumb going to caress the slight indent of her chin as she leaned forward to kiss her one more time before he sat up.

He pulled her onto the couch next to him, his hands never breaking contact with her as his arm went around her waist. Kensi pushed her own messy hair back behind her ears from where it had been mussed by his seeking and insistent fingers.

"Everything okay with Diane?" he murmured, his voice low and gravelly from sleep.

"Everything's fine. But what's going on here? I got the sense from Hetty that something happened when you met with the FBI today."

And there it was again. An apprehensive shadow that colored his blue eyes for just an instant and was then gone. Deeks stood, bringing her to stand with him before he released her hands, going over to his desk to collect his things.

"I'll fill you in when we get back to Santa Monica. Let me grab my stuff and we can go."

Curious, but also willing to wait if it was something he wanted to discuss in private, Kensi switched out her phone and car keys for Kensi Sullivan's, checked in with Hetty quickly before leaving, and then walked with Deeks to the Honda her alias owned. Deeks kept her talking with questions about the General and Cody and about Diane's recovery. It was almost enough to keep her from realizing his attempts to focus her away from her earlier questions. Almost, but not quite enough.

They made two stops on the way back to the apartment in Santa Monica, first to pick up Monty from Deeks' landlady in Venice, and then to get some Chinese food for dinner. With Monty following excitedly behind them Kensi unlocked and entered the apartment, Deeks following closely behind. By silent tacit agreement they swept the apartment for bugs. Meeting back in the kitchen after a negative search Kensi tamped down her impatience to push Deeks about what had happened.

They were trading cartons of Chinese food back and forth when Deeks finally took a deep breath, picking the nuts out of the Cashew Chicken.

"We only have two weeks left to close down our undercover operation."

Kensi put down her carton of food, letting her chopsticks drop from her fingers. Eyes widened and worried, she leaned forward.

"Two weeks? What? Why are they suddenly in such a hurry?"

Deeks shrugged, clearly frustrated at the decision and feeling powerless.

"After six months the FBI expects more results. Since we still can't tie the robberies to drugs and there isn't any direct evidence these guys are behind the robberies I think they're looking to cut their losses. If we don't have something in two weeks they'll bring in Williams, Thompson and Smith and try to get them to turn on each other, try to make a deal with one of them for whatever information they can get."

Kensi shook her head adamantly. "Smith will never turn. I doubt Williams would either. They're not idiots. They'll know we don't have anything. And all your hard work will be for nothing."

"All _our _hard work," Deeks replied stubbornly. Kensi gave him a slight smile, appreciating the gesture but knowing it wasn't really the point.

"Maybe Jesse though. I started working him. Maybe if I can make more progress he'd be willing to give them up," Kensi murmured.

"Yeah, maybe," Deeks replied. Kensi could tell he wasn't convinced. She nudged him with her elbow.

"What else can we do? If we've only got two weeks we'll have to make whatever progress we can."

When Deeks looked at her she could see that tenacious glint in his eyes, the look that told her there was no way Deeks would give into the FBI's demands easily.

"I'm going to do everything I can to make sure things move towards an actual robbery. Williams was hinting at that a week back. And now that I've got the malware and training they need to make it happen nothing should be holding it back. I just need to convince them to move forward."

Kensi tried to ignore the nervous flip of her stomach at his words. Even though she knew he was more than capable of handling himself in most any situation, she didn't like the idea of him in the thick of a bank robbery. She had a little experience with that herself and even a fake bank robbery was a pretty high-tension situation. A real one, with dangerous criminals, it wasn't something she wanted Deeks exposed to. But she knew deep down this was what they did. And it was what Deeks was good at. She couldn't let her worry for him be apparent. She couldn't let her worry for him distract him.

"Okay, just promise me you'll be careful. And let me know what I can do."

Deeks smiled softly at her, taking her hand in his and twining their fingers together and caressing her palm gently.

"I'll be careful. And you keep working on Jesse. We have two weeks, Kensi. And we are not going to walk away empty handed."

Kensi nodded slowly, trying not to worry at the determined tone of Deeks' voice. She knew he could be singularly focused, even to the point of distraction. It was a dangerous and self-destructive pattern leftover from his solitary undercover days that he'd mostly broken since they'd been partners. The trick would be making sure he didn't get in too deep and didn't try to go it alone without her.


	21. Chapter 21

**See previous chapters for disclaimer, spoilers, summary, etc. information. NOTE that beginning with Chapter 16 this story is rated M. And by majority rule (and truthfully because I wanted to write it), this chapter has M-rated content. If you're underage or that's not your thing, it's towards the end and you'll see it coming.**

**Note: **From the bottom of my heart: Thank you for the reviews, alerts, and favorites. There were some incredibly supportive reviews to the last chapter and that meant a lot. And I think there are some newer readers so I'm thrilled you've decided to take this story on and get caught up. This was going to be a shorter chapter but Kensi and Deeks were demanding and took over, as they frequently do. Thanks to **MioneAlterEgo **for the usual eagle eye beta reading! I'd be lost without you! Believe it or not, we're starting to move towards the culmination of the story, characters, and foreshadowing as everything begins to come together. I'm not 100% certain but I'm pretty sure this will be complete around Chapter 30, give or take. Thanks for reading and leaving a review if you do!

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><p>The room was dark when he opened his eyes from sleep and for the span of several deep breaths Deeks had a difficult time remembering where he was. Over the years and most recently, over the last six months, there were so many places he slept but didn't really live, didn't call home. There was Marty Tyler's apartment in Venice, nothing like any home he could describe. And there had been the few nights in La Jolla at the Keppingers' home. That was definitely a home, and a place he now had very fond memories of. Not to mention his actual residence where he, Marty Deeks, really lived. But it was glancing over and finding Kensi curled up on her side next to him that confirmed for his slightly disoriented mind where he was: <em>Home.<em>

For some people perhaps home was a place. And up until Kensi he'd thought home was an idea of a place. But it was Kensi who had proven to him that home could be a person too. And for him, wherever Kensi was would be home.

Shifting from his back, Deeks settled on his side so that he faced Kensi fully, his eyes sweeping over her while a hand reached forward to lift and gently push back her hair so he could see her face, could see the graceful slope of her neck. He left his hand on her neck, his fingers curling around her neck while his thumb brushed back and forth along her jaw, eventually coming to rest where her pulse beat strong and fast.

Although he hadn't intended to wake her, his touch seemed to pull her out of sleep. She shifted, instinctively burrowing deeper towards him and into his chest, her lips finding his neck as his arms went around her, enveloping her and pulling her close as her hands went around his waist, her fingers slipping up and under his shirt to caress his back. They'd both been tired the night before, going to bed and falling against each other, bodies sliding together and arms and legs locking into place in a natural embrace. It had the best night's sleep he could remember in a long time but waking up next to Kensi and being able to hold her near was even more comforting.

It was a quietly intimate moment, filled to bursting with closeness and knowledge that could never be faked or invented. And it was something he'd never expected to have and literally stole his breath away. And Kensi kept knocking him over in surprise with each new moment, each new welcome and familiar touch. Like her lips, finding his in the darkness of the room, kissing him with honest and open longing.

After the kind of good morning kiss he wasn't sure he ever wanted to miss out on again, Deeks laid quietly with Kensi, his head on the pillow next to hers, almost wanting to close his eyes and fall back asleep to the feel of her hands drifting over him, her fingers lightly touching as if to remind herself that he was as she'd left him four days earlier.

But he kept his eyes open, drinking in the sight of Kensi's wide, dark eyes fixed on his face. Her eyes were pools of dark brown and black, impossible to discern the iris from the pupil in the dim light, making her eyes seem even more wide, the depth fathomless.

"So what's on the agenda today?" Kensi asked quietly, reminding him that as much as he wanted to stay inside that quiet and perfect moment, they had other things they needed to attend to. And they only had two weeks.

"Time for me to head back to Venice. Nell told me yesterday that the guys checked out of their hotel in the morning so presumably they'll be back on the beach catching waves. I need to connect back with them, let them know that things are ready on my end for the next robbery so hopefully that will move things along."

Kensi nodded slowly. "And I should get back to my job."

After her reluctant sigh Kensi began to pull back as though to get out of bed. Deeks tightened his hold on her, refusing to let her leave the warmth of the bed. Her soft laughter reached his ears and he smiled as she relented, falling back against him without further resistance.

"Just a few more minutes," he murmured. Kensi nodded, her smile wide and bright even in the darkness. Her affirmation came in a soft and pleased voice that made him smile in return. The softer and gentle side of Kensi was a new facet of her. It wasn't a part of her she let many people see. He'd only caught glimpses in the first year and a half of their partnerships. But now, now he was seeing all of her.

A while later, after a glance at the clock confirmed they could no longer put off the inevitable, Kensi got ready for work and they left so she could drop him off at the beach. Kensi promised to check in later in the day and stop by after work and Deeks continued to the beach, confirming with a quick glance out at the waves that Mike, Derek and Jesse were indeed back from Las Vegas.

Dropping his belongings on the sand next to Monty, Deeks set about waxing his board, feeling anxious to get out on the water. Having the imposed FBI timeline was making him very aware of how much progress still needed to be made in order to catch his bank robbery suspects in the act. Although the fear of failure crept around the edges of his consciousness he was determined not to allow that to drive him. Failure in this undercover was not an option.

He was still giving himself a silent lecture when Jesse's excited yell caught his attention and he lifted his head as the younger man trotted up the beach towards him. Jesse propped his board into the sand and knelt down next to Deeks, his eyes full of friendliness and excitement.

"Hey man! Am I glad to see you! How'd things go in San Diego with Kensi's aunt?"

Deeks gave Jesse a smile in response, verbally affirming that Kensi's "aunt" was doing better, which was why they'd returned. He felt a touch of unease as Jesse further questioned him. The unease wasn't because of the questions. It was because he could tell that Jesse thought of him as a friend. And in ordinary circumstances, such as those in which Jesse hadn't broken several federal laws, Deeks was aware that he and Jesse could have been friends. He wished Jesse hadn't turned to the life he had and he wished he didn't have to lie to him. But those were regrets he could do nothing to change.

"How was Vegas?" Deeks asked, changing the subject to veer the conversation back to Jesse, Mike, and Derek. Jesse shrugged nonchalantly.

"It was alright. I never do very well but it's easier to take the loss when you have a pretty steady flow of cash," Jesse admitted with a wide grin, referring to the spoils from the previous bank robberies. Deeks returned the grin, then nodded out towards the water where he saw Mike and Derek on their boards, waiting for waves.

"And Derek and Mike? They have a good time?"

Jesse nodded eagerly. "Yeah, I think so. Derek was in a better mood once his brother arrived. They haven't seen each other for a few years. And he's supposed to come visit Derek here in a few days, so the good mood came home with us."

Deeks chuckled lightly, catching the relieved tone of Jesse's voice. Derek was generally the most volatile member of the group. And Jesse didn't tend to like the conflict that sometimes arose from Derek's moods. Deeks figured anything that might make Derek a more easygoing guy was probably a good thing.

"Marty, I have to ask: Kensi's cousin, Nell? I know Kensi's probably still dealing with stuff with her aunt, but do you think maybe she could ask Nell to come by the beach sometime? Or could I get Nell's phone number?"

Internally, Deeks groaned. He'd been hoping Jesse would drop his interest in Nell. Clearly his hope had been naïve. And it really didn't surprise him that much. Nell was a pretty woman and for all his less savory qualities Jesse was just interested in a friendly romance. But there was no way he could allow Nell to be exposed to the undercover operation further. She might have the field training qualifying her for undercover assignments but it was first and foremost on his mind that Nell was a little like a sister to him. And other than Kensi's safety, Nell's wellbeing was paramount.

"Jesse, I hate to break it to you, but Nell has a boyfriend. I asked Kensi and she's about two steps away from engaged."

"But she's not engaged yet," Jesse pointed out stubbornly. Deeks couldn't help the exasperated laugh that escaped.

"Damn, you are persistent. No, not engaged yet."

"So there's still a possibility," Jesse replied, his face lifting with optimism. Deeks shrugged, unable to put him of course any further without raising suspicion.

Jesse gave him a quick pat on the shoulder and a knowing smile. "Don't worry about it, Marty. I'll go direct to the source. I know it's probably not fair to ask you to intervene with Kensi."

Deeks was about to interject but decided not to push it further. In part because he was already tired of playing the role of the matchmaker saboteur and he figured Kensi could handle Jesse when he came to her.

He finished waxing his board and followed Jesse out to the water, paddling out to the break and exchanging greetings with Mike and Derek. Jesse had been right, Derek was in a far friendlier mood than he'd been in the six months that Deeks had known the man. It was at the back of his mind to ask about Derek's brother since he figured the two men must be close and it was probably a subject Derek wouldn't mind discussing. Deeks couldn't remember from the FBI's file on Smith that he'd had a brother but he figured it was one of the many details he'd forgotten in the last several months.

Before Deeks could ask about Derek's brother the conversation turned to a recap of the various successes and failures at poker and blackjack and Deeks listened, interjecting with comments and asking questions where appropriate. The guys were eager to share and Deeks was encouraged enough by the friendly and open discussion that he was considering turning the conversation in a direction towards when the next bank robbery might be.

A series of incoming waves took Derek and Jesse in towards the shore and Deeks was left with Mike, who gave him a friendly clap on the back.

"I'm glad to hear things with Kensi's aunt went so well." Mike paused, giving Deeks a searching look. When he spoke again, his voice was honestly curious. "She really means a lot to you, doesn't she?"

Deeks fixed a steady gaze on Mike, considering how his alias would respond. Tyler might be something of a cavalier criminal but he was protective of people who were loyal to him. He'd been rejected by his family and the acceptance from a woman like Kensi Sullivan, beautiful and willing to take him as he was, would make him extremely territorial of her. And for better or worse, the guys had seen him interact with Kensi where no doubt his feelings for her as himself had also leaked through.

"Kensi? Yeah, she does. I can't really explain it. But she's so completely out of my league and she doesn't care about my record, or the fact that I don't have money. She doesn't care about the things most girls care about," Deeks admitted, thinking about how Kensi had portrayed her cover to the guys. She was beautiful, accessible and open. And she'd been friendly with all of them, not prying and not asking questions that implied her interest was beyond that of simple friendship. She didn't judge and didn't act as though she found any of them lacking qualities that made them decent guys.

Deeks had watched some of the women who came and went around Mike, Jesse, and Derek. And before Kensi had established herself in Marty Tyler's life he'd spent a fair amount of time talking with women who approached him in clubs or bars while he spent time with the guys and sold his cover.

As a general rule he wasn't opposed to the idea of a simple hook up. His twenties had been scattered with his fair share. And when both parties had that kind of easy expectation it made it simple and quick, almost like a business transaction. He had no illusions; it was about physical attraction and had nothing to do with emotional connection. Plenty of people lived their lives that way and he didn't judge.

Deeks had watched as women pursued his suspects. Women like Kensi were pretty much nonexistent. Most of the women who approached him, Mike, Derek, and Jesse didn't care about who they really were as people, whether they would make a good boyfriend or potential husband or father. The women who traveled in the circles he'd been in the last six months were interested in someone who would take care of them, made decent money, and didn't have a record.

And he'd been subjected to the not-so-subtle flirtations of women who were sometimes interested in a quick fling and others who were hunting for more. Deeks had observed that at least the women interested in a quick fling were honest about it. It was the women hunting for more that usually asked the thinly veiled questions about education, background, and job who usually inferred fairly quickly when men didn't measure up. And those women moved on pretty quickly, not caring that they transparently expressed that their prey was found wanting.

Deeks had watched that pattern repeat itself numerous times with Jesse and Mike. Most women steered clear of Derek, somehow sensing that off-putting vibe that alluded to cold calculation and resulted in unease. But whenever a woman discovered something about Jesse or Mike she didn't like (lack of the right kind of job, lack of a good education, lack of ambition), Deeks had watched the occasionally heartless rejection with painful sympathy. They might be criminals but Deeks had a heart. Female rejection was something most men could relate to. Which was why it didn't really surprise him that Kensi with her easy acceptance probably seemed like something of an incredible dream.

"Yeah, she seems really great." Something like longing seemed to pass over Mike's eyes and Deeks was silent, seeing a different side of the other man. The look passed, to be placed with something close to caution. "And you're lucky to have her, don't get me wrong. But sometimes those kind of connections tie you down."

Deeks raised his eyebrows in surprise and confusion. He felt as though Mike was alluding to something bigger and more complicated than his words implied. Mike stopped him from speaking, changing the subject before Deeks could get a word in.

"How are things going with the software programming? How much longer do you need?"

Although he was still mildly curious about Mike's earlier vague comment, he was also grateful to be able to steer the conversation towards the bank robbery and something that could bring about the end of the assignment.

"It's ready. The software is programmed and good to go. We can go in anytime, just let me know when."

Mike straightened where he sat on his board, looking pleased. "That's great news, Marty. Listen, there's one aspect of our _situation_ that we haven't filled you in on."

Leaning forward on his board in interest, Deeks raised a curious eyebrow, his heart pounding at the possibility that Mike might finally reveal some information on how they laundered their money. The money trail was the biggest unknown in the undercover, and was also the biggest potential payoff to the FBI.

"I'm all ears, what's going on?"

Mike glanced around, noting they were largely alone out on the water with only the incoming waves as their background noise.

"We went it alone early on. The first few robberies we kept the money and were careful how we spent it. But it wasn't long before we started to think the FBI was catching on, closing in on us. It was Derek who suggested we make a deal with one of the Mexican drug cartels. We bring the cash to them, they launder it through their business, through the cash and drug channels that already exist in their organization, for a percentage of the profits."

Deeks nodded slowly, filing away the information that it was Smith who had suggested the money laundering aspect. He was beginning to realize that in addition to the reality that Smith had early on been the computer brains behind the operation, he was the foundation of almost every other aspect as well.

Thinking it was a question Tyler would ask, Deeks interrupted. "So what's their cut?"

"Thirty percent."

"Shit, that's a lot to give up. Is it really worth it?"

Mike nodded past Deeks' feigned objection. "It buys peace of mind. The cash we get back is completely clean and untraceable. They also hooked us up with their accountants who helped set up untraceable offshore bank accounts for our cash."

"Drug cartels have accountants?" Deeks asked, layering his voice with the right level of surprise. Mike laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, they do. They have their own accountants, lawyers, everything. They're not that different than your usual business. Just, you know, illegal," Mike shrugged, not at all bothered by the distinction. Deciding to try his luck, Deeks pushed further.

"So where are these untraceable offshore bank accounts? Switzerland? Somewhere in the Caribbean?"

Mike seemed to be in a sharing mood as he shook his head. "Nope. Apparently the new safe place for storing shady money with no questions asked is the Azores. Now, listen, Marty, the cartel we work with gets a cut of our profits and they also get a say in how we run our operation. It was them who suggested the new tactic we're taking, using the malware you created to collect account information."

Deeks was surprised at the admission and didn't have to fake his response. "I'm surprised that was okay with you, to let go of that control. Not to mention letting others in on the details of how you run things."

The flash of discomfort that appeared and then vanished just as quickly from Mike's eyes told Deeks that for all his claiming that the cartel bought "peace of mind," he was still bothered at the interference.

"It's the price we have to pay so we don't get caught. I didn't like it all the time but it's worked out well for us. Don't worry, you'll still get your cut of whatever we make. But the men who run the cartel want to meet you. I told them a while back we brought you in but they still want to check you out."

Deeks kept his internal reactions firmly tamped down. Meeting members of the drug cartel was certainly a big and important step. Potentially dangerous, but it would help him gather evidence. Not to mention it might give Eric and Nell a trail to follow. Reasoning that Marty Tyler might be a little intimidated at the possibility, he was careful in his response.

"Look, I've never interacted with any drug cartels before. And my record is out there for anyone to see. I don't have anything to hide."

Mike nodded in agreement. "I know that. But they're insisting. It's not a big deal and we'll all go with you. It's more of a friendly meet-and-greet anyway. They just want to be sure."

"Sure about what?" Deeks asked uncertainly. Mike shrugged.

"That you seem like who you say you are. That you're not a cop or a Fed."

Deeks chuckled. "Man, do I seem like a cop?"

Taking the bait, Mike smiled back in good humor. "Not at all. But they've got eyes and ears all over the place, including at the LAPD."

Deeks was quiet for a moment, quickly weighing the risks involved. He knew the hesitation would work well with his alias as Tyler, certainly willing to walk on the wrong side of the law but never having been involved in something as big as these bank robberies, he would feel a little hesitant about it.

"Look, don't flake on me now, Marty. This is no big deal as long as you've got nothing to hide. We go in, you meet them and then we can move on to planning our next job. Can I count on you?"

Deeks felt a sliver of worry edge into his mind. Going to meet the leaders of the drug cartel that laundered the money for the bank robberies was a huge lead. But it also involved some pretty big risks. Mike's allusion to the eyes and ears the cartel might have at the LAPD was certainly the biggest of those risks. But he couldn't turn back. Not now when things were finally heating up and going in the right direction.

"I'm in. When do you want to do this?"

"Tomorrow afternoon. Jesse and I will come get you at one o'clock. Really, you've got nothing to worry about," Mike reassured him again.

Wanting to try and push his luck a little further, Deeks casually asked, "So who are these guys? I mean, which cartel do you deal with?"

Mike waved away his question. "That's not really important. You'll meet them tomorrow." Mike made it clear with his abrupt tone that questioning further wouldn't get him more answers and Deeks sensed it might cause suspicion. Deeks nodded and Mike dropped the discussion, moving to catch an incoming wave.

Pushing aside his worry, Deeks concentrated on surfing. Normally it would be something that relaxed him but it was further proof that this undercover operation was taking its toll that he couldn't quite fully relax. And most of all he wanted to talk with Kensi about the latest development in their assignment. He had a feeling she would be concerned for his safety but he also counted on her sharp and perceptive mind to help think of all the possible angles and to plan for every eventuality.

Thinking of her downtown working at her secretarial job he couldn't help but wish that the rest of the day would go quickly.

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><p>When Kensi pushed through the glass doors at the offices of Anderson, Evans, &amp; Johnson she was almost immediately enveloped in a warm hug from Rachel. Kensi awkwardly patted Rachel on the back, almost feeling as if she was more comforting the other woman rather than receiving comfort. But Rachel's hug was so tight and lacking anything but genuine affection that Kensi couldn't be bothered to mind.<p>

Rachel finally pulled back, her deep green eyes filled with concern as she looked at Kensi. "Are you okay? Is your aunt okay? Are you sure you should be back here? Come on, sit down." Rachel led Kensi over to her chair at the front reception desk, practically forcing her to sit down.

Kensi smiled fondly at how Rachel looked at her, practically wringing her hands with barely contained worry. She'd sensed this nurturing and empathetic side to Rachel before, but she found it was rather moving to have it directed at her. Rachel seemed to like to take care of other people. From what Rachel had told her, her previous boyfriends had often taken advantage of that side of her. But Kensi found she was exceedingly touched that Rachel thought of her as a friend enough to worry for her.

"I'm okay. My aunt is doing much better. And yes, I needed to get back to my job." Kensi soothed, reaching out to pat Rachel on the arm. "Really. You're sweet to worry but I'm good. I just want to get back to work."

Kensi stood from Rachel's chair, moving to leave and head for her desk. Rachel's slightly forlorn expression had Kensi resisting the smile that tugged at her lips. "How about we have lunch later and I'll fill you in on all the details?"

At Kensi's suggestion Rachel nodded eagerly and her words seemed to appease Rachel's worry. Kensi walked away, shaking her head in amusement. It was still a bit foreign, to have a normal everyday friend who cared so much for her wellbeing. But she couldn't deny that it was a nice feeling.

Even though her job was fairly low-key, there was still a lot to catch up on after her three days away. Lunch with Rachel turned out to be fairly quick but Kensi was able to assure her that everything was fine. And Kensi found that it was nice to have a friend to talk to about her worry over Diane. She kept the details to herself, but the situation itself was real enough and Rachel was a sympathetic audience, not telling her to not be worried and not treating the health scare as a small thing. Deeks had certainly been supportive and concerned and Kensi found it was a good feeling to have a female friend who cared about her and how she was doing.

Late in the afternoon Kensi glanced at the clock on her computer, glad to see that the day would soon be over and she could head to Venice.

"Kensi, I'm glad to see you're back. Everything go okay with your family in San Diego?"

Kensi tried to ignore the mental red flag that popped up at Joshua Scott's words. He spoke in a friendly enough tone and she had no reason to be wary. It had been common knowledge around the office that she'd been dealing with a family emergency in San Diego. But ever since Josh had insinuated that he thought she was being beaten by her boyfriend and that he could be her white knight and save her, something about the guy had her on edge. Still, she plastered on a friendly enough smile and turned to face him.

"Yeah, everything's fine. Thanks for asking."

Hoping she could leave it at that, Kensi resumed typing on her computer. Josh came around the side of her desk and she resisted the urge to put physical distance between them by backing her chair away from him. Although she didn't like him, she had no reason to react suspiciously. Which meant she needed to act as though he didn't bother her.

Josh's eyes were concerned as he rested his hip against her desk, fixing her with what felt like a somewhat patronizing gaze. "Are you really okay? I know the story was that you were out with a family emergency but I wondered if your boyfriend might have something to do with your absence."

Kensi couldn't reign in the incredulous look she shot Josh. She'd wondered earlier if his method for picking up women was trying to make them think he could save them from invented problems and now she felt as though that was confirmed. Kensi supposed that tactic might work well enough on women with low self-esteem or women who were looking for someone to take care of them. It was like he was trying to convince her she was having problems with her boyfriend and he was kind enough to help her with them.

She followed Josh's seemingly knowing glance as his eyes shifted and fell on the framed photo on her desk. It was one of the photos Mike had taken on the beach almost a month ago, right after Kensi Sullivan started dating Marty Tyler. The photo might have been of their aliases, but even she could see it was completely them as well.

Deeks was dripping wet from the ocean, his arms holding her tight around the waist. Her arms used his shoulders as an anchor and in the photo her eyes were closed, her head turned slightly away from Deeks as he kissed her neck. Kensi loved the smile that lifted his lips as he kissed her and she loved how his arms cradled her tightly. And looking at her face in the photo was all too telling. There was softness in her smile and an easiness in how she let herself be held that spoke volumes. Her body language, even in a still photograph, said that she trusted him, that she was attracted to him, and that his arms around her were welcome. The memory of that moment made her heart beat faster. That had been before they'd defined their relationship as it was now. But she could look at the photo now and see the inevitability of what would be, even then.

"Honestly, Josh, my aunt had a heart attack. Nothing more and nothing less. It wasn't a 'story.' Marty had nothing to do with why I was gone. I've told you before, there's nothing for you to be concerned about. And I would appreciate if you would stop insinuating that there was," Kensi replied, not able to completely leave the edge of anger out of her voice.

The surprised and put-off expression on Josh's face had her wondering if she'd gone too far in trying to make him back off. Even if she didn't like his methods, on the surface he appeared to have nothing but genuine concern for her. It was what was lurking below the surface that had her suspicious. She tried to remind herself that not everything in life had a nefarious side but the pessimistic side of her mind was resolutely skeptical.

Josh held up his hands as a gesture of submission and he stood to back away from her. "Okay, okay, I get it. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I was just concerned for you."

Josh's voice was slightly hurt, as though she had insulted him by rejecting his false worry for her. After Josh left she wondered if she should go after and reassure him there were no bad feelings between them but Kensi shrugged, not really feeling like she could muster up the lies. She resisted rolling her eyes. Honestly, some men had such fragile feelings.

Putting it out of her mind, Kensi changed her clothes and packed up her things at the end of the day, happy to get in the car and drive west towards Venice. When she arrived a quick glance out at the water told her that Deeks was out surfing with Jesse and when he saw her she waved before sitting down next to Monty, who practically clambered all over her to lick her face. Kensi laughed, giving the dog a thorough body rub and scratched around his ears and head since she figured he'd been without much affection the last few days. Monty looked back at her adoringly and she was pretty sure if he'd been a cat he would have been purring.

"Kensi! You're back! It's good to see you!" Jesse said, smiling at her and giving her an exuberant hug with one arm around her shoulders after he sat next to her on the sand. She chuckled as the water dripping from his body dampened her clothes and Jesse had the decency to look chagrined. "Oh, sorry about that."

Kensi waved away his concern, not really caring. And she glanced at Monty to her right, and Jesse to her left. She had to grin at the somewhat similar expressions of affection on their faces. Her lips twitched a little with the urge to laugh out loud but she resisted the impulse. Even though Jesse was a pretty easygoing guy she didn't think he'd appreciate her comparing him to an eager dog.

"So Marty filled us in on how things went in San Diego. I'm glad to hear your aunt is doing better. Did your cousin Nell stay with her or did she come back, too?"

And there it was. If it hadn't concerned her so much that Jesse seemed to be fixated on Nell she probably would have found his enthusiastic interest charming.

"Nell stayed in San Diego with our aunt. She's going to help her get settled with her home care," Kensi lied, reasoning there was nothing in the alias that had been set up for Nell that would suggest otherwise. Jesse's smile fell almost comically, then his face lit up again quickly.

"But she'll be back in L.A. at some point? Do you think you could bring her by sometime? Or could I get her number? She seemed like a really nice person."

Kensi sighed, almost wishing she could give in to Jesse's request. Deep down she sensed that he really wasn't a terrible guy. And she had to handle the situation so it wouldn't set back any of the progress she'd made with getting closer to him and establishing their friendship. It was a friendship she was looking to eventually exploit but Kensi refused to let that bother her.

"I'm sorry, Jesse, but Nell has a boyfriend. I don't think she'd be interested. It's not because of you, I think you're a great guy and under different circumstances she'd be lucky to have you," Kensi replied, keeping her voice gentle. Jesse couldn't possibly hide the disappointment that colored his eyes and Kensi felt an unwanted pang of guilt settle in her stomach.

"Okay, I understand. But maybe think about it? Even if she's got a boyfriend that doesn't mean she's off the market."

Kensi fixed Jesse with a slightly incredulous look. "Doesn't that break some kind of Bro Code or something?

Jesse looked back at her with a completely serious expression. "That only applies in certain situations, which this definitely isn't. Like if you and Marty broke up and I was going to ask you out. That's a big no-no since Marty's my bro. Besides, it was Beyonce who said 'If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it' and I didn't see a ring on Nell's finger."

Kensi couldn't stop the laughter that erupted at Jesse's solemn statement. She shook her head in amazement while Jesse looked back at her, a little sheepish but also pleased at her humor.

"I'll tell you what, Jesse. If the situation comes up maybe I'll mention it to Nell. _Maybe_. But no promises, okay?" Kensi replied, reasoning she could probably throw Jesse something of a bone. Chances were in two weeks it wouldn't entirely matter anyway if the FBI shut down the operation. Or if Jesse ended up in jail. Kensi felt that pang of guilt in her stomach clench further as Jesse nodded eagerly and gratefully at her words.

She was saved from dwelling on her feelings any longer when Deeks walked up to them from the water, putting his board down on the sand and then reaching for her. He pulled her to her feet and up hard against his body, the movement startling her and not giving her the opportunity to balance her forward momentum so she didn't fall against him with her full weight. Deeks still caught her, gathering her close and framing her face with his hand before he leaned down to kiss her with insistent and hungry lips.

Kensi felt her body melt against him, her limbs loosening and then tightened around his shoulders and his back in an effort to pull him closer. Or pull her body closer to his. She wasn't really sure and Deeks' pleased murmur against her lips told her he didn't really care. When one of his hands went down to smooth over her hip and then reached around to cup her rear she felt the blush flash up her neck and she pulled back, her mouth dropping open in shock as she was mindful of their audience. Deeks winked at her before he let her go and finding that she couldn't even quite stutter out an objection, she decided her alias probably wouldn't mind being manhandled in public by her boyfriend.

Keeping his arm around her waist, Deeks looked down at Jesse, who sat on the sand grinning at both of them. "What were you two talking about?"

"The Bro Code. Beyonce. And rings," Kensi replied quickly, not wanting Jesse to latch back on to the Nell part of the conversation. Deeks raised a curious eyebrow as his fingers tightened on her hip.

"Rings, huh? And what about the Bro Code?"

"'Thou shalt not sleep with your bro's ex-girlfriend'," Jesse quoted without pause. Deeks nodded as though this was sage advice.

"Damn right," Deeks replied succinctly. Kensi huffed in exasperation and narrowed her eyes, allowing her persona as Kensi Sullivan to creep in and take over.

"And I suppose you agree with the 'bros before hoes' nonsense, too?" she accused. Deeks exchanged a knowing look with Jesse.

"Of course. Sorry Sweetness, gotta respect the Code," Deeks replied cheerfully. Staying in character, Kensi affected an insulted expression, trying to push him away as his arm tightened around her possessively. Kensi managed to slip out from under his arm and she grabbed her bag, lifting her chin and averting her eyes in the clear and clichéd sign of female irritation as she began to walk away from Deeks and Jesse. Where normally Kensi would have dished back just as good as she got, her alias was the sort to resort to a less than understanding response. She heard Jesse's slightly apologetic voice behind her.

"Sorry man, I didn't mean to create problems with you guys."

"Don't worry about it, Jesse. It's nothing flowers and my charming personality won't fix. Take it easy on Kensi though, okay? She's sensitive sometimes. And a little territorial."

The rest of their conversation was lost in the wind and distance as Kensi kept her steady pace away from them. _Sweetness._ She knew it was a part of the cover, but she nearly shuddered at the nickname. Her alias probably wouldn't mind the annoying nickname though to Kensi it grated on her. It wasn't one she liked and the condescending undertone in Deeks' voice had raised her ire.

Deeks caught up with her quickly, falling into step alongside her until they got to the car. Kensi tossed her bag in the back, allowing Monty to jump in, as Deeks strapped his surfboard to the roof of the car. Although she was almost certain it had all been an act, Kensi had to push the issue. Sometimes Deeks was a little too good at becoming an alias. Before getting in the car Kensi whirled around, stalking up to Deeks, her hands on her hips.

"Please tell me that was a part of your cover. 'Nothing flowers and my charming personality won't fix'? You can't have that big of an ego," Kensi said. Taking another step closer, she narrowed her eyes and held up her finger to stop him from talking. "And do not call me 'Sweetness' ever again. Not if you value your life."

Deeks crossed his arms over his chest and gave her a slow grin.

"Maybe I was kidding about the flowers. But I think my presence and _persuasiveness_ could probably soothe just about any anger you might have towards me, Princess," Deeks replied, his voice full of intimate confidence. Kensi's eyes narrowed and damn it if his low voice and certainty didn't reassure her, call out to her and make her body respond by taking a step closer as her stomach flipped pleasantly. She didn't even mind that nickname, had even become fond of it. Deeks seemed to see the answer in her eyes and his grin widened, a hand reaching out to cup her neck and pull her close for a deep kiss that had her toes curling.

Kensi pulled back slightly, turning her head and lifting her lips so she could whisper in his ear. "I think you should show me exactly how persuasive you can be."

And with that Deeks quickly opened the car door, helping Kensi to get inside, even pulled on her seat belt for her before he raced around to the driver's side, getting in and quickly moving the car in reverse. Kensi laughed quietly, enjoying the confidence that swelled in her at Deeks' almost hurried efforts to get them to her apartment where they could be alone. She couldn't help but be thrilled that she affected him as much as he affected her.

By the time they got to the apartment in Santa Monica Deeks practically ran through the rooms, completing the usual check for bugs. Kensi shook her head and smiled, all while she felt her stomach tighten in pleasant anticipation. It had been more than four days since they'd been together. And in a new physical relationship where attraction burned as bright and fierce as theirs did, four days was practically a lifetime.

She was pulling the tie from her hair and brushing her hair loose when Deeks came up behind her, meeting her eyes with his in the mirror. Her breath caught at the direct intensity in his blue eyes, and how he didn't even seem to blink as he held her eyes with hers. Unable to contemplate doing anything or being anywhere else but in his arms, Kensi dropped her brush and pivoted around, easily reaching around his neck to pull him close, his lips finding hers quickly.

Their kisses turned urgent and hungry as Deeks backed towards the bed, bringing her with him. Kensi found her panting breaths turning to quiet sighs as his hands went to her shorts, unsnapping them and pushing them down her hips. His fingers made quick work of the buttons on her shirt, pushing it down her arms and then letting his hands smooth up her back, tracing her spine under the curtain of her hair and then smoothing his palms over her shoulders.

Kensi returned the favor, her hands deftly sliding under his shirt, flattening her palms against his stomach for the briefest of seconds to enjoy how the muscles of his abdomen clenching before she drew her hands up, pulling his shirt with them. Deeks moved with her, lifting his arms so she could yank the shirt over his head. She grinned fondly at how his hair, still a little damp from the ocean, managed to look even more chaotic. And then his hands on her waist, pulling her down to the bed, and his hand slipping over her backside and toying with the strap of her bikini bottoms had her pulling him closer to let him rest his weight on her.

She loved the feel of him covering her body. Deeks tried to brace his arms around her to keep his full weight from crushing her but she tugged at his shoulders, silently telling him what she wanted. Deeks chuckled against her lips and complied, letting his hands drift from where he'd been holding his weight above her to slip between her back and the mattress to encircle her. Kensi closed her eyes against the heavenly feel of his skin touching and sliding against hers and almost missed the sudden tightening of Deeks' muscles.

But she didn't miss his quick intake of breath or how he shifted away from her, falling onto his back on the bed. Kensi's eyes snapped open and she rolled to his side, immediately concerned. Deeks shot her a quick and reassuring smile even as he grimaced in pain and tried to reach his back.

"Sorry, Kens. Muscle cramp. I blame Eric and sitting at a desk in front of a computer in Ops for three solid days."

Kensi smiled sympathetically. "And not enough surfing, I'm sure."

Deeks nodded in agreement and winced as he tried to reach the muscle on his back, tried to shift to dislodge the painful tightening. Pushing with gentle hands and watching him for signs of discomfort, Kensi managed to get Deeks on to his stomach on the bed.

"Kens, what are you—"

"Shh, let me see if I can make it go away," Kensi murmured, sitting up so she could straddle the back of his thighs. She thought maybe he would shift away from her when he lifted his arms, but then they went up under the pillow where he'd laid his head, turned sideways towards her. The movement flexed his shoulder muscles and Kensi felt her mouth go a little dry at the sight. She'd admired his body for awhile now. But the toned strength wasn't often as obvious as it was in that moment.

Her hands suddenly itching to feel the tanned skin and toned muscles, she leaned forward, letting her fingers drift lightly, feeling the quick shiver left in their wake, the intake of his breath, and the pained tightening as she found the offending muscle in his lower back. It didn't take long before he was relaxing against her hands as she touched, pressed and soothed away the pain, his muscles and skin warming beneath her hands.

The muscle cramp soon long forgotten, Kensi continued rubbing his back, alternating pressure and letting her fingers drift over his shoulders and smiling at the light freckling under the golden skin that was evidence of how much time Deeks spent out in the sun. And she heard the contented exhale of Deeks' breath as her hands drifted south, gently pressing on the muscles of his lower back and causing him to arch under her touch.

Realizing he was loose and relaxed and perhaps a little too close to falling asleep, Kensi sat back on his thighs, reaching up to loosen the tie of her bikini top around her neck and unfasten the strap around her back to throw the small bit of fabric away. She let her hands rest at the waistband of his board shorts, then moved them up his back, lowering her body over his until she rested her entire front, and her very bare breasts, against his shoulder blades.

As expected, nearly every muscle in Deeks' body tightened in awareness at the touch of her against him. Kensi moved her head so she could nose through his hair, finding the shell of his ear to kiss and nip. Not unaffected by the touch of his skin on hers, Kensi shivered as goose bumps appeared and her nipples tightened perceptively against Deeks' back. It seemed as though it was suddenly more than he could bear because Kensi found Deeks had shifted to his side, pulling her down next to him in the space between two breaths.

And then he stole whatever remaining breath she had with his hot and insistent lips on hers, his lips demanding as he opened her mouth under his, his tongue demanding against hers, swallowing her moan of pleasure. Kensi kept one hand at his side while the other gripped his arm, then followed his movement as that arm went to caress and squeeze her breasts. She closed her eyes against the rolling waves of rising heat he brought forth in her, keeping her fingers on his forearm and feeling how the muscles and tendons rose and fell as he touched her.

Kensi let her hand at his hip drift lower, her fingers finding and following the trail of soft hair low on his stomach where it disappeared under the waistband of his board shorts. And when her hand closed around him, finding him hot and hard and beginning to strain towards her, Deeks seemed to lose all focus. Kensi looked up at his face, his eyes closed and his lips parted while short pants of breath escaped almost in time with her squeezing grip.

Feeling heat and ache pool low in her stomach, she watched in awe at his near complete loss of control. It wasn't a normal thing for him, she knew. She could count on one hand and still have several fingers left over the number of times she'd seen Deeks truly lose control. For someone who was so laid back and casual he was always mindful of keeping his strong emotions in check. She'd seen his anger and had seen how the rage could build and pour out of him. But this, his control slipped to nothing and his entire body and mind unchecked and vulnerable before her, it was a different kind of loss of control. And it was even more powerful in its own way.

Realizing he was close and with awareness of her own restless desire to feel him surge into her, Kensi let her other hand reach for the tie of his board shorts, loosening it quickly and pushing them down. Deeks caught on quickly, shifting to his side to face her, his hands helping her push his shorts away. Just as quickly he lifted his head and leaned in to kiss her deeply, the kisses turning slow and languid. She felt her body soften against him, her curves finding each and every dip and line of his body to fit against.

Without her realizing he'd done it her bikini bottoms were gone, his hands smoothing up and over her hips and backside, insistently pulling her closer. She was blindly reaching behind her in the bedside table for the condoms she hoped were there when Deeks' quick murmur against her lips, at the same time as he lifted her leg with a hand under her knee, opening her so he could fit the hard length of him against her, stopped her.

"Already taken care of, Kens."

She couldn't help the warm grin that lifted her lips as she raised an eyebrow in barely contained disbelief, looking down between them to confirm that he had indeed managed to somehow put a condom on without her realizing it. "Aren't you just full of surprises. How did you do that without me noticing?"

"It's a guy thing, we don't let anything get in the way of where we want to be."

Kensi's laughter was low and quiet as Deeks' hand at her back stroked back and forth. His other hand slipped down between them, his fingers brushing at her opening and finding her damp and ready for him. His quick groan of longing gave her a thrill. It was a powerful thing to know she could make him lose control with his want and need for her.

Kensi widened her legs further, bringing herself fully against him, leaning in to place an open mouthed kiss against his chest before she wound her hands up to Deeks' neck, pulling his head close to hers so she could look him in the eye.

"So what are you waiting for?"

Her inviting question had barely left her lips when Deeks pushed into her fully and in one stroke. Kensi couldn't hold back the gasping moan that escaped, or the arching of her entire body as Deeks shifted to pull out slightly, then surged forward again. For what could have been minutes or hours the only sensation she was aware of was the delicious crash and fall of their bodies colliding and parting with building intensity.

It was almost a struggle to open her eyes but Kensi forced her eyelids open, feeling tears gather at the corners of her eyes as she watched the beautiful sight of Deeks on the edge of his control, seemingly struggling to hold on. Reaching up with shaky hands, Kensi framed his face between her palms, finally catching his attention as he stilled for a moment, his deep panting breaths fanning over her face.

She let her eyes meet his, left him see the love she felt for him pour out, let him see the happy tears that escaped down her cheeks. Her heart swelled to an almost painful fullness and Kensi allowed the instinctive smile to stretch across her face. Deeks watched her with awestruck wonder, one hand going to trace the contours of her face and touch her tears with surprised reverence.

Without another word, Deeks surged against her again, pushing further and deeper and to a point that was past pleasure and almost pain. But as her toes curled and her neck arched back she knew it was easily the most intense pleasure she'd ever experienced as her body throbbed in a silent response to his release and then she gasped and felt the tightening of her body give way to an almost liquid looseness in her muscles.

The quivering in her body subsided gently as Deeks' lips found hers, kissing and caressing with unrestrained desire. It lacked the earlier urgency but none of the intensity. And his murmured words of affection were whispered almost incoherently against her mouth as he couldn't seem to make himself stop kissing her long enough to clearly voice his feelings. The warmth that grew and glowed in her had little to do with the afterglow of lovemaking and everything to do with how she could drive him to complete loss of control.

She couldn't deny he shattered any semblance of control she might try to possess. Knowing that, knowing the affect on her that he had, Kensi knew it was scary and dangerous and quite possibly the riskiest situation she'd ever allowed herself to be in. But it felt too amazing, was too rare and precious, for her to even contemplate regret or doubts. There was no going back now. Not for either of them. And she wouldn't have it any other way.

When Deeks moved his lips away from hers, kissing along her jaw and then her ear, she shivered as his scruff tickled her face. His low words and hot breath at her ear intensified her shivering. "Was that persuasive enough for you?"

Kensi couldn't help the uninhibited laughter that bubbled from her chest, couldn't help her affirmative smile that lifted her lips. And Deeks grinned right back, answering her humor and joy with his own laughter as he gathered her close, burrowing his nose in her hair.

It was much later as they lay in bed, contemplating the setting sun, that Deeks told her he'd signed the papers to become an NCIS agent. He was so certain and sure, his eyes full of that confidence she knew was as natural as breathing for him. Kensi knew it couldn't have been an easy decision for him. He was leaving behind a career he'd thought would define him for the rest of his life. This new life wasn't terribly different but it did change some of the driving motivations of who he was. And she knew, even without him saying, that she'd played a big part of what had changed his mind. She let him see the anticipation and excitement in her eyes so he would understand how much it meant to her that he'd taken such a big step.

Kensi let her hand graze over his arm, then reached up to rest her palm over the scruff of his neck and jaw. Deeks leaned into her touch, nudging his lips against hers for a slow kiss. It was a kiss that made her heart race but also brought on an overwhelming sense of calm that settled over her.

When Deeks pulled back after a few minutes to rest his head next to hers on the pillow she watched him with careful eyes, watched as his mind drifted to other thoughts in the quiet between them.

"Anything new when you met back up with the guys today?" Kensi asked quietly. Deeks' eyes shifted to her quickly and he nodded.

"Yeah, tomorrow I'm supposed to go with Jesse and Mike to meet the members of the drug cartel who clean the bank robbery money for them."

Kensi looked at him in surprise, giving his shoulder a light shove. "Marty! This is huge news. Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

Deeks grinned mischievously, giving her a pointed look. "Well, you kind of distracted me. I had other things on my mind. Other very good and important things."

Not completely immune to his charm, Kensi rolled her eyes but didn't press further on that point.

"Do you know which cartel it is? Then we could get Nell and Eric to start looking into them."

Deeks hesitated and Kensi felt a flare of worry lodge in her chest.

"I couldn't get Mike to tell me which cartel it is," Deeks admitted.

"You've done undercover work with different drug cartels around L.A." Deeks nodded at her statement. "What if this is one you've encountered before? What if someone recognizes you from a different alias?"

The unease that drifted over Deeks' face confirmed to Kensi that he'd already had similar thoughts. Her worry multiplied exponentially as she thought of all the possible outcomes. Everything could be fine. Someone could recognize him as a previous alias and blow his cover. Someone could recognize him as a cop. Everything could be fine.

Kensi repeated the last phrase over and over, taking a deep breath to steady her heartbeat. She knew Deeks would have come to the same conclusions, he didn't need her to voice them. And he didn't need her worry to weigh him down. There was no question he would follow through with the meet. It was too important and they'd come too far.

Even though she tried to hide her concern, she should have known Deeks would see it, sense it, feel it, in every breath she took, every twitch and tensing of her muscles. And he was innately tuned into her in every possible physical and emotional way. Deeks ghosted a soothing hand up and down her arm to try and reassure her.

"I'm just going to have to hope I've never encountered these guys before. If by some unlucky happenstance someone recognizes me I'll do my best to get out of there."

Kensi had never felt quite so torn in two. There was the side of her that was Deeks' partner, concerned for his safety during a mission and concerned that he have the right kind of backup but also that he be able to complete his assignment. And there was the side of her that was his lover, worried for his safety and concerned with keeping him whole and unharmed. And she couldn't help her irrational wish that he stay out of danger. But for better or worse, that wasn't him and that wasn't them. Doing her best to separate the two halves of herself, Kensi carefully made her next suggestion.

"I think we should call OSP and have Sam and Callen tail you tomorrow. No comms, nothing like that. But just have them follow so that if something does happen and you have to get out of wherever you are in a hurry that you don't have to go too far to get some help."

Deeks looked as though he wanted to object, wanted to argue for the preservation of his deep undercover. But something in his eyes shifted and he nodded slowly. Kensi smiled softly, feeling relief swell and ease some of the worried ache in her chest. Deeks reached for his earwig from its hiding place in the false backing of the bedside table and offered it to Kensi.

"You want to do the honors?"

Kensi nodded eagerly and sat up, pulling one of Deeks' t-shirts on over her head before she took the comm, putting it in her ear and tapping it to activate the link with OSP. Within a minute Nell's voice filled Kensi's ear.

"Deeks? Are you and Kensi okay?"

Kensi smiled at the concern in Nell's voice, casting an interested look at Deeks. It was clear that the fondness that Deeks had developed for Nell over the last few months was mutual.

"It's Kensi, Nell. And we're fine, don't worry. Listen, is either Sam or Callen still there?"

"I think so, let me check."

The line was quiet for a few minutes and then Callen's firm but curious voice came through. "Kensi, what's going on?"

Callen's quick zeroing in on the matter at hand didn't bother Kensi. She'd always liked that he was straightforward. "Tomorrow afternoon Deeks is going to meet with the drug cartel members who help launder the bank robbery money. He doesn't know what cartel it is and in case it happens to be one he'd encountered while undercover before, or on the off chance someone recognizes him as a cop, I think it would be a good idea if you and Sam followed as backup. No communication, but if you were nearby and something went south at least he'd have some cover."

"That's a good idea, Kensi. What are the details?"

Kensi breathed a sigh of gratitude, then passed along the time and address of Marty Tyler's Venice apartment. Callen confirmed the information quickly.

"Tell Deeks we'll be there but we'll stay as far back as possible and won't intervene unless we see some kind of clear sign of danger."

Kensi thanked him, not able to hide the clear relief his words gave her. It satisfied both sides of her, the side that looked at him as her partner and the side that saw him as the man she loved, to know he wouldn't be alone.

"We'll watch out for him, Kensi. Try not to worry."

Kensi terminated the line after bidding Callen goodbye, grateful that he hadn't called her on her concern or made her feel like she was being irrational. She liked to hope that meant Callen agreed that she'd made a sound operational decision. Turning back around she saw Deeks watching her closely. She handed him back the earwig and he placed it back in its hiding place.

Deeks' hand on her back pulled her back to him and she laid down willingly, her head shifting to fit neatly against his shoulder and then moving to rest her ear on his chest. The silence was comfortable as Kensi reached out with one hand, finding Deeks' and lacing her fingers with his.

"Thank you for letting them back you up tomorrow. I think it's the best way to try and make sure you're safe while also not blowing your cover."

Kensi felt Deeks nod his head in silent agreement. She knew it still wasn't always easy for him to realize he had backup on hand. Even though the concept couldn't be more foreign at NCIS, going it alone had been normal with the LAPD.

"Thank you for caring enough to suggest it," Deeks replied, his voice low and rumbling under her ear. It still pained Kensi to hear the slight surprise in his voice. Old habits were still hard to break. Instead of commenting on it she simply nodded and tightened her hold on him. Words helped sometimes, she knew. But there were also times when actions spoke louder, spoke with volume and emphasis unlike any string of eloquent speeches or declarations.

_I love you. Stay safe. Come back to me._

Kensi let the warmth of her body, the touch of her hands and the steady beat of her heart and rise and fall of her chest communicate every intimate message she didn't want to voice out loud.

It was one of the founding tenants of their partnership that they didn't lie to each other. Kensi didn't ask Deeks to promise her he would come back safe and sound. As much as she hated it she knew he couldn't promise her that, not if he wasn't going to lie to her. And she didn't want him to. The only promise she wanted from him was that he would watch out for himself and do everything he could to come back in one piece.

And he gave her that promise in his lips on her forehead and his answering embrace gathering her close.


	22. Chapter 22

**Please see previous chapters for disclaimer, rating, summary, spoilers, etc. NOTE that beginning in Chapter 16 this story is rated M. This chapter has some brief, strong language but that's about the extent of the M-rated material this time around.  
><strong>**Note: **I do so appreciate those of you that take the time to read, review, favorite and submit alerts. Reviews really are the best possible encouragement and I know it takes time to leave them. It's very fun to see what clues get picked up on, the ideas about where the story is going, and what parts resonate as you read. So thank you if you do leave a review. I realize this is a seriously long chapter and this story has become something of a commitment to read. I thought about splitting it up but you'll probably see by the end why I didn't. Gotta build the tension at a suitable pace! Thanks to my beta, **MioneAlterEgo**, who has been instrumental in making this story and my writing better on so many levels. If you are so inclined I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this one! I had a ton of fun writing it.

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><p>Deeks answered the rapid knock on his Venice apartment door at the appointed time on Friday afternoon. Nodding a friendly greeting to Jesse, Deeks following the younger man out to the street, glancing casually down the street and confirming Sam's black Challenger several hundred feet away. Without another look Deeks climbed into the SUV, joining Mike in the front seat as Jesse climbed in the back.<p>

The ride through town was quiet and Deeks resisted the urge to check that Callen and Sam were still tailing them. He knew they would be, and that they would stay out of sight. Deeks followed his mental map of the greater Los Angeles area as they drove east on the 10 and then took the 110 northeast. He narrowed his eyes as they exited onto city streets.

"South Pasadena? This cartel operates out of Pasadena?"

Mike looked back at him shrugging. "Yeah, why?"

"Nothing, I guess. It seems like kind of an upscale place for a drug cartel. We're near where I grew up," Deeks commented, remembering his alias' history.

Mike drove further into the business center of Pasadena, finally bringing the car to an old two-story office building made of whitewashed brick and situated between a shop that sold vintage cookbooks and a boutique pet store. Tossing a curious look at Jesse, the other man merely shrugged.

Deeks looked closer at Jesse, noting the tension in his shoulders and the tight smile on his face. He'd been around Jesse enough to recognize that he was stressed out and uncomfortable. And since he was normally laidback as the stereotypical California surfer he was, this caught Deeks' attention. Something had Jesse spooked.

Mike took the lead entering the building and Deeks followed, tucking his hands into his jeans pockets and keeping his posture and expression relaxed. Internally he felt calm and in control. It had often been that way with undercover assignments when they started to come to a head. He might be nervous and worried up until it was time for him to play his part. But when the moment came he was as calm as could be.

Deeks was careful to look around and note his surroundings once he entered the office building. It looked like a real estate office. Or an accountant's office. Utterly non-descript and unremarkable. There was even a secretary sitting at the front desk, answering phones and working on a computer. He'd interacted with all kinds of drug cartels, drug lords, and dealers during numerous undercover operations. The locations of their operations ran the gamut from alleys behind nightclubs to seedy warehouses to office buildings. This one was definitely a bit higher on the scale of what he'd seen.

He was also searching for some kind of sign about which cartel they were meeting with. And right on the heels of that thought he carefully looked around to note escape routes in case he needed to make a quick getaway. As they were shown down the main hallway and upstairs to a large series of offices, Deeks noted the men milling around the building. All Hispanic, all armed, and all wearing business suits more expensive than what his monthly salary was. And thankfully, nobody he recognized.

The one major sign that this wasn't a typical office building was the quick pat down one of the men gave him, followed by a quick inspection for electronics via a radio frequency detector. Deeks watched the man wave the detector up and over his body, grateful he wasn't wearing any of the possible digital devices that could have been detected. A curt nod of the man's head confirmed he was clear and Deeks continued to follow Mike and Jesse through the offices.

After they were shown into the largest office on the second floor Deeks allowed his eyes to sweep the room quickly, cataloguing and noting as many details as possible. There was expensive artwork on the walls, large windows and high loft ceilings. A handsome Hispanic man sat at the glass desk in the middle of the room. Even sitting down Deeks could tell the man was tall. He wore a tailored suit and enough bling to make a South Central gangbanger jealous. It seemed like an odd combination, the tasteful and the tacky, represented in the man Deeks quickly concluded was most likely the head of the cartel.

Deeks allowed a quick glance at the man, taking in his straight nose and long face, carefully cropped hair and dark brown eyes. He didn't know him.

Quickly, Deeks shifted his gaze to the other man in the room. There was something of a family resemblance between the two men around the eyes and mouth but where the first man had been lean and tall, the second man was shorter and built like a defensive lineman. The casual glance at the second man's face had Deeks faltering for a second.

At first he was worried the other man recognized him. The expression on his face as he studied Deeks had the hair on the back of his neck standing up as he repressed a shiver. Assessing quickly, Deeks realized it wasn't recognition on the man's face. It was silent and icy calculation. Deeks concluded quickly he didn't know the second man either, but his face reminded him of someone who had set his teeth on edge just as quickly when they'd first met. There was something similar in how Derek Smith carried himself and how he examined people.

Not having the luxury of time to dwell on his uneasy feelings, Deeks turned when both men stepped forward as Mike gestured from Deeks to them.

"Santiago and Mateo, this is Marty Tyler, our software creator and programmer. Marty, this is Santiago and Mateo Contreras."

Deeks reached forward, giving a respectful nod and shaking hands with the two men in turn. Santiago, the taller man, gave him a brief smile before he settled back at his desk, gesturing for them to sit. Mike, Jesse, and Deeks took chairs facing the desk while Mateo, the shorter and younger of the two men, stood next to the desk, his stance seemingly casual. But Deeks recognized a guard dog when he saw one.

He quickly sifted through the mental files he had on the various drug cartels in the Los Angeles area. He remembered hearing quiet rumblings about the upstart Contreras Cartel, led by two brothers originally from South Gate, several years ago but they'd been small time back then. Taking in the understated expensive comfort of the building Deeks concluded that business had improved. And it seemed that the Contreras brothers had been slowly and effectively building their empire. And they'd clearly moved on to greener pastures in Pasadena.

Deeks thought he remembered cocaine was the bread and butter of the Contreras Cartel though like many drug empires they had likely also invested in real estate. And, no doubt, if they'd invested time and money with a bank robbery scheme that got them encrypted bank account information that they were looking for additional ways to diversify their business and increase their profits.

Clearly the calm diplomat, Santiago Contreras spread his hands wide and gave Deeks a magnanimous smile. "Welcome, Marty. We've heard a lot about you from Mike, Jesse, and Derek. And Mike tells us that you have the answer to our problem in collecting bank account information?"

Deeks nodded at the statement, on the surface a question, but really more a statement of fact and possessiveness. He knew instantly that if he'd been merely what he appeared on the surface, a beach bum with a desire to make some additional money, that he would already be in too deep to get out. These were men used to requesting and getting what they wanted. And not giving it to them wasn't an option for people like Tyler.

Deeks glanced over at Jesse, noted the continued discomfort that was obvious in his tense spine and hands balled into fists on the arms of his chair. Although Mike had claimed there were benefits to the relationship they'd cultivated with the Contreras Cartel, Deeks suspected the cost was much higher than any of them suspected or even fully knew. It might have started off with just a cut of the robbery profits but it had already moved on to the Contreras brothers demanding bigger profits and more dangerous methods to get the account information they wanted. The next step would only get Mike, Jesse, and Derek in deeper. It was clear the Contreras Cartel owned them now.

And by extension the Contreras Cartel owned Deeks, or rather, Marty Tyler, as well. Deeks returned his gaze to Santiago, giving him a friendly smile. "I've created computer code, malware, that imbeds in the bank's system, collecting account information and transmitting it to a secure online source that can only be accessed if you know where to look."

"And this is all completely untraceable?" Santiago asked curiously, a note of skepticism creeping into his voice.

_As long as you don't know about the second code of malware tracking the first._ Deeks kept his first thought to himself and nodded confirmation.

"How can you be sure?"

Deeks sensed the mistrust in the question and he knew that on this his bank robbery suspects, as well as Santiago and Mateo Contreras, were on uneven footing with Tyler. He had something they needed. They wouldn't have gone searching for a computer hacker if they'd had one. And of course Marty Tyler had been offered up as the answer to their prayers. This was one area he did have something of an upper hand on. Unless they had someone who could crack and read Eric's code there was no way they would know that it would actually cause them harm.

"Because I wrote the code. I know what it does. I get that you don't really have a reason to trust me except on the word of Jesse, Mike, and Derek. But that's going to have to be good enough."

Deeks kept his tone measured but a little cocky, knowing that Tyler was the confident sort, and that he hadn't always played well with others. Going it alone and being impatient had landed him in prison, which was something that would have shown up on his records. And anyone reading between the lines would have seen Tyler had a slight problem with authority and didn't like to be controlled.

Undercover operations were a tricky game. He had to react as his alias would, while also gauging the reactions of the players around him. And he had to keep his end goal in mind, knowing that the easiest avenue was not always the best one to take. Sometimes the easy path was the one that raised suspicion. Sometimes he had to put himself in situations where others felt they had the appearance of control over him. And something told Deeks he needed to give Santiago Contreras the opportunity to feel as though he controlled Tyler. Otherwise he would never trust him enough to allow the bank robbery to go forward.

And it was Mateo Contreras that Deeks kept an eye on from the corner of his eye. He saw the way the man's face tightened and his eyes flashed with suspicion. Santiago might be the older brother but Mateo clearly had a shorter fuse and a protective streak. It spoke to their bond as brothers and worried Deeks a little. Being overly protective of someone could be dangerous. Both for them and for you. It made it so you might risk, might act without thinking, in order to keep that person safe. But it also meant that the person being protected had an ally and someone looking out for them. Thinking of Kensi, Deeks knew the benefits and risks of being overly protective. And family bonds were often even more deep, often more irrational, and even harder to break.

"Perhaps your word is good enough for these gentlemen. And for now I trust them. We had you checked out so we know what is on the surface. But make no mistake, we do not leave anything to chance," Santiago replied quietly, reaching for and sliding an envelope across the glass table towards Deeks. Narrowing his eyes, Deeks picked up the envelope, opening it and pulling out a number of surveillance photos.

Kensi at the beach. Kensi going to and from work, clearly taken from inside the parking garage of the building she was working at. Kensi having lunch with Rachel. Kensi shopping at the farmer's market, Monty on a leash beside her.

Deeks felt his heart begin to pound, but not ultimately for the reasons Santiago might expect. It was confirmation of two very important things. First, that the Contreras brothers were taking him seriously as a member of the bank robbery. They wouldn't have bothered to look into him as deeply or find something to hold over him if they thought he was actually a cop.

And second, that bringing Kensi into the undercover operation had been the right decision. Without her there would be no leverage the Contreras Cartel could hold over Tyler. With her, they felt they could control him. With her, it solidified his place on the team. It made it so he couldn't get out, which was exactly where they and he, LAPD Detective Marty Deeks, wanted to be.

Knowing his physical reaction was important, Deeks allowed tension to straighten his body, allowed a flush of anger to come out in his face and flash through his eyes. He had to play into their hands, allow Santiago Contreras to think that he had the control he needed to ensure that Tyler would follow orders. Tossing the photos over at Mike and Jesse, he leaned forward in his chair, facing them.

"What the fuck? Is this the way you treat your friends? You approached me. You asked for my help, my skills. I can make it happen for you and your answer is to let these guys threaten Kensi?"

He kept his voice laced with barely contained anger. And Deeks saw that Mike had the decency to at least look a little contrite while Jesse just looked shocked. He realized quickly that while using Kensi as leverage might have been Mike or Derek's idea, Jesse hadn't been in on the decision. The blood seemed to have left the younger man's face and he looked stunned as he flipped through the photos, swallowing with difficulty before he looked at Deeks, guilt plainly written in his eyes.

"Marty, you have to understand that Santiago and Mateo want to trust you. Come through on this and they will. Kensi's just insurance. As long as you follow through nothing will happen to her," Mike replied calmly, shooting a glance at Santiago for confirmation.

Santiago nodded slowly, affirming the assessment. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table and steepling his fingers in a gesture meant to be calming but Deeks knew was all about establishing his placement and control in the situation. As long as he was cool and collected it would feel like control over Tyler, freaking out over the threats to his girlfriend.

"So this is how you guys operate? You take someone willing to do what you ask and to make sure they behave you threaten the people they care about? What makes you think that the second I get the chance I won't find a way to turn on you? Especially now, after this?" Deeks asked bitterly, turning his fury back towards Santiago. The man raised an eyebrow, studying him calmly.

"You won't. Not if you're the man Mike says you are. You're just as interested in seeing this work. Our methods to ensure your compliance might make you angry but you have nothing to worry about as long as you fulfill your role. Ms. Sullivan will never know and you will be safe in the knowledge that you kept her safe. Everyone gets what they want."

Deeks pretended to think about it, knowing it was all for show. Tyler really had no choice. He would have to follow through and his leash had been suitably checked and tightened. It was exactly what Santiago wanted. And it was what Deeks wanted too.

"So what happens once this all goes down and I've proven myself to you? You leave my girlfriend alone until when? Until you need me to do something else, do another job? Then do the threats start again?" Deeks asked carefully, wanting to measure the full weight of the control Santiago was leveraging. And he was watching Mike and Jesse closely too, wanting to see if they realized how deep in they were. They weren't the independent criminals they liked to think themselves. They were merely pawns to the cartel now, even if they didn't see it.

Santiago smiled slightly, keeping his lips pressed together. "Let's just see how this next job goes. Then perhaps we can discuss future lucrative ventures. You can be assured that you will be compensated well. And that as long as we can trust you, no harm will come to the people you love."

Deeks was forced to merely nod in defeat. Mike didn't seem terribly put out by the statement, but Jesse looked shaken. Perhaps up until then Jesse hadn't really been faced with the threat of what could be taken from him. Deeks recalled that Jesse had parents and a little sister living in the Los Angeles area. And no doubt he was thinking about the danger they might be in if the cartel didn't get what they wanted. Santiago probably hadn't overtly threatened them before because he hadn't needed to. But bringing in Tyler was a change in the game and required resetting the players and asserting expectations.

The ride back to Venice was silent and tense. Leaving the office building in Pasadena Deeks had allowed a quick glance down the street, noting that Sam and Callen were occupying a street bench, drinking coffee and pretending as though there were merely involved in a casual conversation. Deeks knew once they left that Sam and Callen would return back to OSP, confident he was safe, and get the address information to Eric so he could start digging.

Deeks kept up the formality of the appearance of barely concealed rage. Tyler would be beyond angry at having the woman he loved threatened. And despite his bravado and slight elation that the undercover was finally turning in their favor, it unnerved Deeks a little that the Contreras brothers had so easily set their sights on Kensi. Their willingness to use her as leverage concerned him. If she'd been any other woman he probably would have been terrified. But Deeks knew Kensi could take care of herself. Still, it didn't mean he didn't worry all the same.

Mike parked the car at the curb at Tyler's apartment, exhaling loudly before he looked over at Deeks, his eyes apologetic.

"Look, I don't necessarily like their methods. And you know I would never want to hurt Kensi. But these guys are serious. And at this point we need them."

Deeks shook his head, looking incredulous. "Do you even realize you have a noose around your neck? What have they got on you? Have they threatened you yet?"

Mike's eyes turned hard and his mouth settled into a thin line. "They don't need to threaten me. I know what the stakes are. And I've earned their trust. You do the same and this will all be an unpleasant memory."

Deeks held Mike's eyes with his, wanting Mike to see the worry and apprehension Tyler would be feeling. And he allowed the shift in his eyes, to acceptance, to be obvious as he nodded slowly.

Sliding out of the car, Deeks leaned back in briefly to catch Jesse's attention. "Hey, Kensi will be by in two hours. I think she's hoping for another surfing lesson. You in?"

His words had startled Jesse from where he sat in the backseat, obviously still unsettled about the meeting with Santiago and Mateo. But Jesse recovered quickly, swallowing and then nodding in agreement. And Deeks didn't miss the apology and sympathy in the younger man's eyes. It affirmed that Jesse wasn't nearly as on board with threatening loved ones as Mike, and probably Derek, was.

He waited until Mike had pulled away and was out of sight before he allowed the wide grin to settle on his face. Things looked like they were finally moving in the right direction. The different pieces of the last several months were taking form and even though he knew there was still the possibility that things could go wrong, Deeks was confident that he and Kensi might finally be able to get the FBI the evidence they needed.

Going upstairs to his apartment, and after texting Kensi to let her know he was okay after the meeting with the cartel, Deeks grabbed his surfboard and called Monty from the garden before walking to the beach. At first he'd intended to surf for a few hours before Kensi showed up after work. But surfing had somehow lost its appeal and instead he sat on the sand, watching the people coming and going. He watched the families enjoying the unusually warm April afternoon, mothers putting sunscreen on their children, fathers helping their kids inflate water toys or build sand castles.

Deeks watched as a young couple lay side-by-side, sunbathing and reading the same book. He watched a small cluster of teenage girls laughing and giggling, their eyes darting around playfully as they whispered and pointed at the boys and young men on the beach, clearly remarking on who they thought was hot. He had to grin at their blatant behavior while they seemed to think they were not obvious in the least. And Deeks watched the other young guys on the beach and nearby, skateboarding, playing basketball, or heading out to the waves.

It was an effortlessly comfortable scene. So many different people living their lives, enjoying friends and family, drifting in and out of contact with each other. They all had their individual problems, responsibilities, joys and pains. And it had long been his job to protect people so they could live their lives without unnecessary harm from people who could hurt them.

Deeks knew there were probably hundreds of people who had been saved from some measure of hurt or pain because of a criminal he'd put away or a crime he'd stopped. Most of those people would never even know what he'd done, which was exactly as he wanted it. It reassured him to know that he could keep some people from knowing what evils existed in the world.

It was a small comfort, but sometimes it was all he had. But then, hearing his name spoken aloud and in Kensi's caring voice, he turned to look as she approached him, and he knew without a doubt that it wasn't all he had. He had so much more now, so much more to fight for, to look forward to, and to protect.

He stood, brushing sand from the back of his board shorts, and reached for Kensi as she fell against him, her arms tight around his shoulders and her lips kissing his ear as she sighed in relief. And if she held him a little too tight and for longer than was strictly necessary, he wasn't about to object. He knew that although she'd been careful to conceal her concern that she'd been worried about the meeting that afternoon.

When Kensi finally pulled back she looked deep into his eyes, assuring herself that things were okay. Deeks sat back down on the sand, pulling Kensi to sit down next to him. And he chuckled at how Monty immediately stationed himself at Kensi's side, placing his head in her lap and accepting her automatic response to pet him and scratch his head.

Kensi looked at him expectantly and he knew she would want details since all he'd been able to say in the text message was an innocuous "I miss you, see you at the beach later" since that had been their agreed upon code to let her know the meet had gone fine. Knowing they were alone only for a short while until Jesse showed up, Deeks filled Kensi in on his impressions of the Contreras Cartel and the brothers themselves.

As he told her about their threats to her, Kensi's eyes widened briefly but she said nothing. He took her hand in his and squeezed warmly, reassuring her that while the events themselves from the outside might have seemed dire, in reality things were moving exactly in the direction they wanted. And Kensi's bright eyes, full of expectation and satisfaction, told him that she'd come to the same conclusion.

"I didn't even realize I'd been followed and photographed. That doesn't say much for my situational awareness," Kensi said, slightly chagrined. Deeks shrugged, not really concerned.

"I think it's probably better that way. You're supposed to be Kensi Sullivan, a girl who has a mundane job and likes to go to lunch with friends and shop. If you were checking for tails and sketchy people everywhere you went I think it might have been obvious."

Kensi nodded, still looking a little uncertain. And he could practically see the wheels turning in her head as she thought back over what he'd told her. Her gaze shifted back to him and narrowed. "And Jesse? You said something about him being unsettled?"

Deeks nodded eagerly. "He was definitely freaked out by the whole thing. I think initially it was because of the threats made against you. But then I think he also realized that if he puts a toe out of line that his family is in danger too."

Kensi tapped a finger against her lip thoughtfully. "And you think that could work in our favor?"

"I think right now Jesse's feeling trapped. He might be looking for a way out. And if we lay the foundation for a way out when the time comes he might take it," Deeks replied. He glanced past Kensi, seeing Jesse as he began to approach them from the street. He leaned towards her, kissing her cheek warmly and letting his lips linger near her ear where he could whisper quietly so only she could hear. "Do your thing, Wonder Woman."

Deeks rose from the sand to greet Jesse, taking Kensi's board from him as Jesse settled down next to her on the sand. And Deeks nodded his approval at the board, waxed and ready to go, and smaller than the one she'd started on weeks ago.

"Not bad, Kensi. How's she doing out there, Jesse?" Deeks asked, keeping his tone friendly and open, wanting to draw Jesse out as well as assure him that they were still on good terms, despite what might have happened that afternoon between him and Mike.

Jesse looked at Deeks, relief passing over his eyes, and then he gave Kensi a quick smile. "She's doing great. You were right, she's a natural."

Kensi gave both of them a wide and winning smile. "Well, I've had some good teachers."

She stood, taking her board from Deeks with one hand while she reached out to ruffle his hair with her other hand, laughing as he glared at her. She kissed him on the mouth noisily until Deeks finally began to back away, shaking his head at her.

"Go on, you two have fun."

"Aren't you coming out with us?" Jesse asked curiously. Deeks shook his head.

"I've got some stuff to do. But I know you'll take care of my girl." Deeks gave Jesse a quick and knowing look before he turned to leave, promising Kensi he'd be back later. Jesse nodded once in agreement, seeming to catch the message that Deeks was trying to convey. He wanted Jesse to think he trusted him implicitly. And Deeks had a feeling using Kensi as the basis of that trust would be the key.

Kensi waved to Deeks as he left the beach, then she turned to Jesse to follow him out to the water. Over the next hour Jesse gave her more pointers, watched her ride a few waves in and offered suggestions on how she could improve her balance and try to improve her ability to stay upright on the water.

Jesse was distracted, Kensi could tell. And after paddling back out to him after a particularly long ride, Kensi asked if they could just rest for a few minutes. Jesse was happy to agree and they sat and watched the lapping waves, the sun warming their backs as it sank lower towards the horizon. Kensi allowed a glance at Jesse out of the corner of her eye, recognizing the thoughtful unease in his entire body.

"Jesse, what's wrong?" Kensi asked, deciding to take the direct approach. Jesse looked at her with wide eyes, then shook his head.

"It's nothing, I'm fine."

Kensi shook her head resolutely. "No, it's not fine. I can tell something's bothering you. And Marty was a little preoccupied earlier. Is everything okay with you guys? And with Mike and Derek?"

Kensi kept her voice and questions empathetic and concerned. When Jesse looked back at her again, his eyes full of some kind of wishful longing, Kensi felt her resolve waver slightly. She almost wanted to tell him then. She almost wanted to tell him that she was a federal agent and knew what he'd been involved in. She wanted to tell him she could help him.

Knowing she couldn't do that but needing to draw him out, Kensi tried a slightly different, but still risky, tactic. "Look, I'll just talk and you listen. I know you guys are into something. Something maybe dangerous and maybe illegal." She let the words hang for a moment, sparing a glance at Jesse to find him staring at her; his mouth gaped open in surprise. She hurried on. "And I don't care. I don't want to know whatever it is. I don't care what it is. But I care about Marty and I care about you."

"How did you know?" Jesse asked, shock coloring his voice. Kensi shrugged casually.

"I just guessed. Marty didn't say anything," she quickly assured him. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but is it big?"

Jesse swallowed with difficulty, nodding mutely before he finally spoke again. "Yeah, it's big. Bigger than I'd even thought."

"Is it dangerous?" Kensi asked in a quiet voice. Jesse nodded. Gentling her voice and laying a comforting hand on his arm, she continued. "Then why keep doing it? Wouldn't it be better to stop?"

Jesse met her eyes, his green eyes worried and regretful. "I think it's too late for that, Kensi. I think we're in too deep. It's bigger than all of us now."

"What can I do?" Kensi asked.

"Nothing. Just don't let Mike or Derek know you know anything. And keep an eye out for yourself if Marty or I aren't around. Stay safe."

Kensi let the concern and confusion settle over her face. "Jesse, you're worrying me."

Jesse gave her a lopsided grin, trying for nonchalance and failing. "Don't worry about us, we'll be okay." Jesse paused for a second, then his expression softened as he looked at her. "It really doesn't matter to you, whatever we might be mixed up in?"

Kensi shook her head quickly. Jesse cocked his head to the side, studying her carefully. "Why not? Most girls, most people, they would care. And they wouldn't approve."

"I care about you guys. I know you're a good person. I know Marty is good and I know he loves me. The rest isn't so important, not really." Kensi surprised herself when she realized what she was saying wasn't all a lie. It was the truth, in its own way. It still made the overall deception something of an uncomfortable burden, but at least she could give Jesse something of the truth.

"I just don't know what to say. I don't think anyone other than my family has ever been this nice to me," Jesse murmured, clearly touched by her faith and caring in him. Kensi smiled at him, squeezing his arm gently before she let him go, reasoning she had probably pushed far enough for one day.

"I'm here for you, if you need me. You can talk to me. And I do care. Marty does too. And if you need someone to talk to and you don't want to talk to me, talk to him. Between the both of us maybe we could help."

Jesse nodded though his face was shadowed with doubt. Kensi knew he wasn't quite there, wasn't quite ready to spill all his secrets and confess to his crimes. But if he thought there might be another way out, or even the option of a way out, when push came to shove at the opportune moment he might latch onto the option that led in a different direction.

And that would have to be enough for now.

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><p>After a few hours Deeks returned to the beach, finding Kensi and Jesse sitting out on their boards in the water. Kensi's hand was on Jesse's arm and although Deeks couldn't hear what they were saying he hoped Kensi was making progress with Jesse. He sat down next to Monty, giving the dog a pat on the head when he whined insistently for attention.<p>

Sensing movement out of the corner of his eye, he glanced over to see Mike approaching. The other man sat down next to him, sighing and running a hand over the short bristle of his dark hair. His face was apologetic as he looked at Deeks.

"I know you think it was a shitty thing to do, what happened today. And I get that you're mad. But if you can just accept that this is how things have to be then everything will go just fine," Mike's voice was insistent and hopeful.

"We're good. I don't like the way those guys operate but I know we have something potentially big here." Deeks decided to play on his sympathy and regret and fixed Mike with a hard gaze. "And I've already worked hard enough on this that I want to see a payoff. So when is that going to happen?"

As he expected, Mike seemed to think carefully for a few seconds. It probably wasn't his intention to reveal more about what was going to happen and when. But his desire to ensure Tyler was still on his side made him more willing to share, even if he was still a little reluctant to do so.

"We're planning for two weeks out. I'm not going to tell you exactly when and where until it gets closer," Mike warned, his voice firm and indicating to Deeks he wasn't going to get more information from him.

Satisfied with that piece of information, Deeks nodded once before he turned back to look at Jesse and Kensi, assuring himself that she was still out there. Jesse was trudging up the beach with Kensi following behind, her smile bright and brilliant against her the deepening tan of her skin.

He felt his heart trip a little at the sight of her, gorgeous and seemingly carefree on the beach with the sun setting behind her. He knew it was partly an act, but he couldn't help but wish for and wonder about a future when a similar vision of her on the beach might play out. Minus the bank robbers.

Kensi exchanged pleasant greetings with Mike, laughing and joking with both Jesse and Mike until Deeks indicated they should be on their way. Since it was Friday, Deeks told the guys they would be back the next day and he and Kensi continued on to her apartment in Santa Monica.

After arriving and completing the usual sweep for bugs, Deeks was about to ask Kensi what she wanted to do for dinner when the intercom by the front door buzzed. Kensi went to answer it, smiling at the voice that came over the line.

"Pizza delivery for Sullivan."

Eric entered the apartment soon after, unloading pizza from one delivery carrier and a stack of files and photos from another. He pointed at the various photos and documents, indicating information on the Contreras brothers.

"After Callen and Sam got back this afternoon I immediately starting digging to find out what I could about Santiago and Mateo Contreras. They're relatively new on the scene though they've been slowly building their empire. LAPD hasn't had much luck going after them because the guys who worked for them are incredibly loyal. Several have gone to jail instead of spilling what they know." Eric flipped to a page, a long list of addresses. "They've been slowly buying property all over Los Angeles and they claim to be an import/export business. It all looks pretty legit on the surface."

"How did the LAPD and FBI react to this news?" Kensi asked curiously. Eric grinned at them both.

"They practically started salivating. And Sam checked around with a few of his contacts and got some rumblings that the Contreras brothers might have some connections, or at least owe some favors and hold some chips with some of the other cartels in the area. The FBI wants to bring down the Contreras brothers and see who else falls in their wake. And the LAPD is chomping at the bit to be able to say they cleaned up the streets from several drug dealers and a bank robbery ring to boot."

Deeks rubbed his chin thoughtfully, then shared a quick glance with Kensi before relaying what Mike had told him about the next robbery.

"Two weeks? Do you think the FBI will wait that long?" Eric asked. Deeks shrugged.

"They'll have to. I can't make it happen any sooner. Not if I don't want to raise suspicion. They've already got all eyes on me and clearly they've been watching Kensi. I'm not going to risk our safety just to push something a little faster that's going to happen soon anyway."

"We should probably start thinking about the protocol for when the robbery happens," Kensi replied, ticking off elements on her fingers. "We'll need a way for you to notify NCIS that the robbery is happening, we need a back up plan to extract you if required, and anything on the location of the robbery. Since the robbery needs to go through without interruptions it would be better if we knew where so we could keep police away and minimize casualties."

Eric nodded quickly, taking notes as Kensi spoke. "I'll take that back to Sam, Callen, and Detective Benson so they can start coming up with ideas. Good thing we still have time."

Kensi grinned at Eric, tilting her head to the side as she examined him. "You're looking a lot more comfortable being out in the field like an agent. Are you considering a career change?"

Eric shook his head quickly, then stood to gather the papers and photos to tuck away. "Not even a little bit. I think I can handle this cover pretty easy. It's more like I'm just a courier anyway."

Deeks laid a hand on Eric's shoulder, giving it a quick but encouraging squeeze. "You're a lot more than that, Eric. Thanks for your help. Let us know if anything else comes up and we'll do the same. Unless you hear from me before, I'll check in on Wednesday as usual."

Nodding his confirmation, Eric donned the baseball cap that went along with his pizza delivery uniform and left the apartment. After finishing the pizza, Deeks cleaned up the boxes and beer bottles while Kensi sat and made some notes on what Eric had told them and what Deeks had relayed from his afternoon meeting with the Contreras brothers.

She was tapping her pen against her lips, puzzling over the lines and bulleted lists when Deeks came up behind her, leaning over her shoulder to graze the side of his jaw against hers. His chest brushed against her back and Kensi leaned back, the instinctive movement completely focused on getting closer to his warmth. Deeks rested his chin on her shoulder and she turned to look at the side of his face, watching as his eyes darted over the lists and words.

"Is something bothering you?"

Kensi sighed, then looked back at her notes, furrowing her brow. "I'm not sure. Something is kind of itching at the back of my brain. I think it's odd that when you guys met with Santiago and Mateo Contreras that Derek Smith didn't come. Did Mike give you an explanation about that?"

"Come to think of it, no," Deeks said thoughtfully. "I just assumed he didn't need to be there, or he didn't want to be because I was."

"It just seems odd. I know this afternoon was mostly about a show of force directed at you. But it sounds as though Mike and Jesse also got schooled on the risks of stepping out of line. But somehow Derek was exempt."

"And Mike implied that Derek was the one who suggested the angle with bringing in the cartel in the first place," Deeks murmured. "You think he might have deeper ties than it looks like on the surface?"

"I think it's possible," Kensi confirmed. Deeks was quiet for a moment, then he shook his head.

"Ever since I met the guy I got the sense there was more going on with him, that he's probably committed crimes. I figured he'd just never been caught. His record was clean. The FBI didn't have anything on him. But you're right. I'd bet there's more there."

Kensi nodded in agreement, then glanced back at Deeks. "So what do we do about it?"

"There's not much we can do right now. LAPD and the FBI already did their digging and handed all that over to Eric and Nell. I'm sure they'll look and eventually find anything that was missed. If something comes up they'll tell us. And we just need to keep our eyes and ears open for anything that doesn't seem quite right."

Leaving Kensi to stew with her thoughts for a little while, Deeks took Monty for a walk, returning to find her still scrutinizing the lists and notes. She gave him a quick smile when he returned and Deeks saw she was about to turn back to her notes so he reached over her, snatching the pages from her grasp and stretching up to lift them high and out of her reach. Kensi gasped in outrage and jumped from her chair, trying to grab the pages.

"What are you doing? I wasn't done with those!"

Deeks shook his head swiftly, moving the pages from one hand to the other as Kensi tried to reach above him. Kensi was a tall woman but he still had several inches on her. "Nope, you're done for the night. I think it's time to let that brain of yours rest."

"But this could be important—"

"Uh uh, done! It'll still be there tomorrow. And you never know, maybe a break will dislodge some of those cobwebs," Deeks suggested slyly, to which Kensi crossed her arms over her chest and leveled him with a narrowed gaze.

"A 'break'? Is this your clever way of trying to suggest we have sex?"

Deeks laughed loudly, enjoying the slight flush that rose up Kensi's neck as his laughter calmed to a chuckle. "Actually, I was just thinking of suggesting a nice long bath for you. But if that's what you're thinking you won't get any argument from me. I see how your dirty mind works, Kensi Blye."

"That wasn't—I wasn't saying that at all—"

Deeks chuckled, giving her a confident wink. "It's okay, I know you want my body. You can stop denying it."

Kensi colored slightly, then gave one last leap and grab for the pages. Feeling generous, Deeks allowed her to reach them, then caught her around the waist to hold the entire length of her body and rest all her weight against him. He took a deep breath, nuzzling his nose into her hair as her arms went around his shoulders, using him for her balance.

"You know how I know?" he whispered into her ear. "Because you're all I can think about, every second of every day. And after two years I'm done denying it."

Kensi's arms around him, holding him close, were the only answer he needed. He knew those kinds of wordy declarations weren't her style. But he found it increasingly difficult not to voice some margin of his feelings. Half the time he had to check himself so he wasn't verbally mooning over her when they were out in public. He knew it was a little pitiful and slightly lovesick of him but he couldn't help the urge. Just as clearly he knew Kensi would never be comfortable revealing her emotions so obviously. Their disparate ways of expressing emotions worked for them. Kensi's emotions often came out in what she did and how she looked at and reacted to him. Deeks was a little more obvious, powerless to stop himself from touching her and unable to reign in the occasional sappy declaration.

But Deeks knew that even though she struggled with being able to say the words back, the feelings were there. Setting her back on her feet, Deeks kept his hands at her hips, squeezing her waist before he let go and began to guide her towards the bedroom.

"Come on, I'm sure you're a little sore from the surfing lesson. It's been a whole week since you were out on the water."

Kensi groaned a little, leaning a little heavier on him. "Jesse is kind of a drill sergeant with the surf lessons. Though you can be pretty pushy too. Maybe when all this is done I should let Cody teach me the finer points of surfing. He might be nicer."

"Hey, I only push because I know what you're capable of. And what's this about Cody teaching you to surf? I thought that was my job. I didn't know he surfed."

"He learned when he was young and his dad was stationed on Oahu. And he kept at it growing up whenever they moved near the ocean," Kensi paused, and seeing the slightly put out expression on Deeks' face she smiled, patting him on the cheek. "Don't worry, you're better than him."

"Better be," Deeks grumbled. Kensi shot him a fond smile as she drifted from the bedroom to the bathroom, starting the water for the bath. Deeks laid back on the bed, pillowing his head with an arm and watching with appreciation he didn't bother to hide as Kensi undressed and went into the bathroom. Her glance back at him, a sly dart of her eyes over her shoulder, told him she didn't mind.

He closed his eyes and listened to the sounds of her in the water, content to hear the comforting noise that was a sign of her presence and a sign of something quiet and normal between them. For at least a little while he didn't think much about bank robbers, the FBI, or drug cartels.

Deeks let his thoughts drift to Kensi and let his mind fill with the tantalizing image of her in the bath until he was at the edge of sleep, ready to drop off, when Kensi lay down next to him on the bed, molding her body to his, a content murmur escaping her lips when he turned to gather her close, his lips finding her forehead for a warm caress before her kissed her damp hair.

He was almost gone, lost in deep and restful sleep, when he felt Kensi's hands grasp and bunch in his shirt, her deep exhaling breath warm against his neck but making him shiver for different reasons.

"You're all I think about, too. Every second of the day."

Deeks felt the answering smile on his face, lifted by the words even though they were a distant echo from when he'd voiced them to her. The fact that it sometimes took Kensi a little longer didn't bother him. He knew she would always get there eventually.

* * *

><p>Late in the afternoon on Saturday out on the waves at Venice Beach, Deeks was yelling encouragement to Kensi as she stood upright on her board, riding a wave that was by far the largest she'd attempted. He knew he wasn't the only man with his eyes locked on her well-toned, slender body. He usually managed not to stare quite so often even though she still regularly took his breath away. Now that some of the physical mystery of her was answered because they were lovers he'd thought his curiosity would be satisfied. Mostly he'd learned he just hungered for more. It wasn't an entirely unwelcome feeling, just not one he'd ever expected or experienced.<p>

They were enjoying the last day of decent weather with what sounded like a nasty incoming spring storm in the forecast. Jesse was finishing up teaching Kensi and Deeks watched as Mike paddled out from the beach, coming to a stop next to Deeks.

Nodding in greeting, Mike grinned at Jesse and Kensi, drifting on the water a few hundred feet away. Jesse was gesturing wildly and enthusiastically with his hands and Kensi was laughing at whatever he was telling her.

"You know, she's really great for being such a good friend to Jesse." Deeks nodded to Mike in agreement, innately sensing that Kensi's friendship with Jesse was less of an act than it probably should be. It wasn't something they'd discussed, but Deeks knew she struggled, just as he did, with reminding herself that Jesse was actually a criminal.

"Listen, Marty, I figured I should let you know that Derek's brother Dale is coming by with him later. He seems like a decent enough guy but since you and Derek haven't always gotten along I thought you should know."

Deeks shrugged easily. "No worries. I'll be good if he's good."

He was about to inquire further about Derek's brother when Jesse called Mike over, trading roles as surfing instructor for Kensi. Jesse paddled over to Deeks, sitting and facing towards the horizon to look for incoming waves.

"Jesse, what do you know about Derek's brother?" Deeks asked, trying for casual conversation while also wanting more information. He didn't know that Derek's family connections had anything to do with his possible connections to the Contreras brothers, but Deeks wasn't going to leave any stone unturned.

"Who, Dale? Not much. He was recently released from prison after a couple years. I'm not sure what he was in for," Jesse admitted. At the mention of prison Deeks felt a flare of concern. It wasn't a concrete feeling but it had him on alert. He tried to tell himself it could be nothing, just superstition and the length of the undercover getting to him.

After another thirty minutes of surfing Kensi finally begged off, claiming her muscles couldn't take any more punishment. She retreated to the beach and a book while Deeks continued surfing with Mike and Jesse.

It was a little later that Deeks paused between waves, glancing at the forming storm clouds off on the horizon as they built in intensity far off over the Pacific Ocean. He could almost smell the change in the air, and he could feel the temperature shifting with the wind. Deeks looked back at the beach, confirming that Kensi was still lying on a towel, busily reading a book with Monty by her side.

Several hundred feet away from Kensi, Deeks saw Derek standing next to another man, presumably his brother. Even though there was quite a distance between them Deeks could tell Derek was deep in conversation with his brother. From a quarter mile away he couldn't make out the man's features and Deeks hoped that maybe Kensi had noticed their approach since from her closer vantage point she had a better opportunity to observe.

Something about Derek's brother didn't sit right with him. Either he was connected to the cartel or something in his background was suspicious. Deeks had been almost certain there was no brother noted in Derek's file. Knowing there wasn't much he could do about it right then, Deeks resolved to ask Eric to check into "Dale Smith" next time he checked in.

Not long after, Derek was paddling out to join them by the break, coming to a stop between Jesse and Mike so that the four of them formed a misshapen circle.

"What happened to your brother?" Jesse asked. Derek shrugged and Deeks saw his calculating gaze shift in his direction almost involuntarily.

"He had some other stuff to do."

Derek's answer was cagey but accepted by Mike and Jesse. They quickly moved on to other topics and Deeks could see no way to steer the conversation back to the mysterious brother without raising alarm over his sudden interest. Especially his interest in someone he hadn't met.

Another hour later the sun was setting and the temperature dropping against the quickly darkening sky and building storm. The guys invited him and Kensi out for a night out clubbing but Deeks declined. He and Kensi returned to the apartment in Santa Monica and managed to order food that was delivered just before the storm knocked the power in the building out.

Kensi found candles and matches and once they'd finished dinner Deeks settled on the couch with Kensi, her legs propped in his lap, and they talked and traded stories until the candles burned out. Kensi talked about some of the places she'd grown up and her time with the Keppingers and Deeks regaled Kensi with stories about law school and the police academy. It was when Kensi countered with a story about a particularly aggravating Criminal Justice professor in her program at American University in Washington, D.C., that Deeks interrupted.

"Wait, you were at American University in D.C.? When was this?"

Kensi thought for a moment. "That was 2000 to 2005. I extended my degree a year so I could study Forensics." Deeks smiled thoughtfully and shook his head in amazement. Kensi looked at him strangely. "What?"

"It's just that I was finishing law school in 2004 and I was offered a visiting scholar position at AU to study Criminal Law and Law and Government, and to intern and teach at the university. I turned it down when I passed the Bar so I could start practicing. I always kind of wondered how things might have been different if I'd taken it." Deeks' smile widened and his blue eyes softened. "We might have met much earlier."

With her elbow propped on the back of the couch, Kensi rested her chin in her hand, studying Deeks thoughtfully. "Maybe, maybe not. It was a decent sized school." Her dark eyes clouded with difficult memories and she glanced away from Deeks for a moment. "Though 2004 was when Jack was back from Iraq and really struggling with PTSD. And Christmas that year was when he, well, when he left. I could have used a friend like you then."

Deeks felt his heart clench at the slightly pained and wistful notes in Kensi's voice. He put an arm around the back of the couch, giving Kensi the open space to sidle up closer to him. Her shift to nestle against his side was instinctively responsive. He kissed the side of her head, his lips lingering at her hairline.

"You've got me now. And I'm not going anywhere." Deeks left the follow-on words off: _Not by choice_. Kensi heard them anyway and nodded, tucking her face against his neck.

They were both quiet for several minutes, thinking of memories and happenstance. Deeks swept his hands up and down Kensi's back, letting his fingers drift and touch, press and reassure in silent comfort. And after a little while Kensi leaned back slightly, still within the warm circle of his arms, to give him a soft kiss before she stood and led him back to the bedroom.

And as had become usual for them, while Deeks often expressed his thoughts and feelings in words, Kensi's actions declared her emotions just as clearly.

* * *

><p>As promised, the late winter storm hit Los Angeles with cold ferocity by Sunday morning. The power was intermittent at the apartment and rather than brave the elements Kensi and Deeks mostly stayed indoors, venturing out only to walk Monty. They passed the day easily and comfortably, alternating between talking, reading, and card games. They made their way through multiple games of Speed and Gin Rummy before resorting to Go Fish.<p>

Late in the evening on Sunday, Deeks couldn't keep the smile from his face. It had been the nicest day in his memory, going back years and years. And all of it was spent with Kensi, just the two of them, alone and without interruption from the outside world. Even back before he'd started his undercover assignment almost six months ago he never would have been able to believe they would end up together as they were now.

In between the easy and comfortable moments between them they had their disputes. Kensi wasn't particularly neat but it annoyed her when he left his clothes on the floor. Monty wasn't going to walk himself and when Deeks got back, shaking water from his hair, Kensi had stolen his book and his spot on the couch. His response, to tackle Kensi to the floor and tickle her until she couldn't breathe, got them both into trouble when she turned the tables and pinned him down.

When the electricity finally came back on that evening Deeks decided to cook a healthy meal rather than order out. Which was when he discovered that while Kensi wasn't normally a picky eater, it was more that she wasn't picky about her junk food. But he convinced her to give the stir-fry a try and even she'd been unable to hide that she thought it tasted good.

The contented feeling that settled in his chest as Kensi fell asleep next to him was as close to perfection as he was comfortable thinking about. Perfection was a fantasy, a fairy tale he'd never believed in. Not since he'd been old enough to realize that parents didn't always love you, or each other. And that people who were supposed to love you could hurt you too.

Deeks didn't know what the future beyond their undercover assignment might bring. But he could only hope that it would hold more of the disputes, the comfort, the surprise, and the predictable and unexpected, the entire messy complication that a living and breathing relationship with Kensi promised.

Nothing else could possibly compare.

* * *

><p>Deeks stayed away from the beach on Monday, lying low and out of contact with the guys for the day. Kensi went to her job at the law firm and came home to a high-strung dog and an even more excited doggie daddy. During a brief break in the storm that evening Deeks and Monty went for a run to release some pent up energy.<p>

That night they discussed the case over dinner. Deeks still puzzled over the connection Derek's brother might have to the case. Kensi hadn't been able to catch a clear view of the man on the beach two days earlier so they were still stuck with questions, gut feelings, and no answers.

They considered all the possible risks and angles of what an actual bank robbery could bring.

Kensi worried about Deeks' safety. Deeks worried about possible civilian casualties.

Deeks worried that when the time came and the pressure was on that he wouldn't be able to complete the steps required to launch the malware. Eric's training was good but he was no computer hacker. Kensi worried that during the robbery he wouldn't have someone really looking out for him.

Even though neither wanted to seriously entertain the option, they talked about bringing the guys in then. They had them on some suspicious charges but not enough concrete evidence to hold them, let alone go after the Contreras Cartel.

They discussed every angle they could think of and tried to think of all the angles they couldn't account for or imagine.

They could never have been prepared for what happened next.

* * *

><p>Tuesday morning the storms around Los Angeles raged on. The torrential downpour over southern California had resulted in localized flooding all over the city. The unusually warm spring combined with the cold storm flashed dangerously high flows down river channels and tributaries not normally rushing with water.<p>

Deeks had a shift at his job at the local market so Kensi dropped him off at his apartment on her way into work. He dropped a warm and quick kiss on her lips before waving and ducking out of the rain and into his building.

Kensi arrived at Anderson, Evans, & Johnson at her usual time, dropping her bag at her desk before she wandered to the front of the office to chat with Rachel for a few minutes. Rachel was uselessly trying to fix her wet hair, the long curls hanging in wet strands around her face. She rolled her eyes at Kensi.

"Pointless, I know. What is up with this weather? Usually by April it's nothing but sun around here," Rachel grumbled. They chatted a few more minutes and Kensi left after extracting a promise from Rachel for lunch later.

Kensi returned to her desk, turning on her computer and looking for her cell phone while it booted up. After a few minutes of searching she couldn't find her phone. Perplexed, she checked her coat pockets again, thinking she'd just missed it.

"Kensi! Can you come with me? I need your help with something."

Kensi looked up as Josh approached her, his eyes animated and his entire body practically vibrating with rushed energy. Although she wanted to refuse, Kensi squared her shoulders and kept a pleasant smile on her face.

"What do you need?"

"There's a deposition happening right now and we need someone in there to take notes. Can you come?" Josh hurried on as she frowned and opened her mouth to decline. "I wouldn't ask, but no one else is available. And I already called Sofia to clear it with her."

Not having the ability to object, Kensi cast one last glance at her desk, wondering where her phone could be. She sighed, figuring she could look for it when she got back.

Several hours later and right before lunch Kensi returned to her desk, mentally exhausted. The note taking during the deposition had been mind numbingly boring, and further evidence that her choice of an active career path in law enforcement had been the right one. Not to mention she was frustrated at why she'd been there. An official court appointed note taker had been present in the deposition, making Kensi feel as though her presence was redundant.

She completed another thorough search of her desk, bag and coat, but still couldn't find her phone. She was thinking over where she might have left it when the quick blinking of the message light on her desk phone caught her attention. Kensi reached for the phone, dialing in to retrieve her messages.

_You have twelve new messages. First message, 8:32 a.m._

The messages started out simply enough. First Eric's voice, letting her know there was something wrong with her cell phone bill, and could she please call her cellular phone company to verify some information. Alarm had her heart pounding. That was code for her to get in touch with NCIS immediately. And since Deeks was the point of contact for their undercover mission, something had to have happened to him for them to be trying to get a hold of her.

The messages increased in urgency, the time between shortened as the morning had passed. Not bothering to listen to the rest of them, Kensi hung up the phone, picking the receiver up again and reaching to dial the number into one of the access phone numbers for NCIS. She was interrupted by Rachel's cheerful voice, coming towards her as she approached from the front desk.

"There you are! Kensi, I've been looking all over for you. People have been calling all morning and no one could find you."

Kensi was rattled, still staring at the phone as Rachel spoke. She shook her head quickly, not wanting to consider the implications of what might be happening. Something must have happened to Deeks. And she was painfully at the edge of not being able to think clearly. But she had to. She had to figure out what had happened and what she needed to do.

"I was in a deposition with Josh. He came and got me four hours ago—" Kensi replied distractedly, finally looking up at Rachel, physically startling at what she saw.

Rachel. And Nell. Nell standing next to Rachel, concern tightening her lips and darkening her hazel eyes. Feeling as though her brain was two seconds away from shutting down, Kensi mentally forced the feeling away and charged forward. Whatever was happening, she would deal with it. She dropped the phone and came around the front of the desk, ignoring Rachel and going straight to Nell.

"What's going on?" Kensi asked without preamble. Nell spared a quick glance at Rachel, who looked on with interest laced with confusion.

"We should probably go somewhere quiet to talk," Nell suggested quietly. Kensi nodded quickly, resisting the impatient urge to demand Nell tell her everything she knew about what might have happened to Deeks.

Kensi spared Rachel an apologetic half-smile before turning to guide Nell into Sofia's empty office, shutting the door behind them.

"We've been trying to get a hold of you all morning. At about eight o'clock this morning one of the SIM cards in one of the burn phones we've been tracking was activated. We immediately tried to contact Deeks but his phone was off and his comm wouldn't respond. The weather is messing with our ability to track any signals. Sam and Callen went to the apartment and his job in Venice but he wasn't there. They're out looking for him now," Nell relayed calmly and quickly.

"Okay, so Deeks is missing. That's not necessarily a big deal. What else happened? There must have been something for Hetty to send you to come find me," Kensi pushed. Nell's eyes darkened and she nodded worriedly.

"Not long after the burn phone was activated we got a call from Detective Benson. He said you might be in trouble. It was cryptic and the line went dead before we could talk to him further. We tried to get him back but couldn't. And when we couldn't get a hold of you so after a few hours Hetty told me to come here to find you. Hetty didn't think it was threatening and it made the most sense to send me since I already have a cover established with yours." Nell paused and chewed her lower lip thoughtfully. "I'm guessing you haven't heard from Detective Benson?"

Kensi shook her head quickly. "Not for weeks. Not since we were all at OSP setting up my cover."

Kensi was puzzling over the pieces, letting them swirl around in her mind like random unanswered questions. The picture was incomplete somehow. She couldn't make the edges fit, couldn't see the whole picture. She shook her head, taking a mental step back from examining each of the disparate pieces, and tried to get a hold of the overall picture. And it struck her with such forcible clarity that she had to reach out, grabbing Nell's arm in a grip that was likely to leave a bruise.

"It's happening right now," she whispered, her voice barely a strangled whisper above the pounding of her heart. Nell looked confused for a moment until Kensi tightened her hand. "The bank robbery is happening right now. Something happened to make them move it up. Marty's cover is probably blown. Mine might be too."

"How do you know—"

"I don't, not for sure," Kensi interrupted. She let go of Nell's arm, leading her from the office and reaching for her coat and purse at her desk. "But we can't take the chance that I'm right."

Kensi didn't bother with anything else, didn't bother with a word to anyone as she led Nell from the office. She heard Rachel calling her name but ignored her, thinking the most important thing was getting Nell away and getting them both safely to OSP. And then they had to find Deeks.

In the building lobby Kensi turned to Nell, knowing that if anyone was in danger it was probably Kensi. Someone wanted to draw her out. It couldn't be coincidence that right after the Contreras Cartel identified and threatened her the robbery had been moved up. Nell would be better off on her own since Kensi was probably the target. The cartel might want her for something and Kensi knew she couldn't allow Nell to become collateral damage.

"Get back to OSP as soon as you can. Be careful. Let them know we're both coming in." At Nell's answering nod, she began to back away. Thinking of Nell with her minimal field training, thinking of Eric and Deeks and how they would both worry in different ways over the woman they both cared about and that Kensi felt responsible for, Kensi opened her mouth, unable to keep from speaking. "Nell, please be careful."

Nell met her eyes, unable to keep the fear from beginning to creep in. Kensi watched her leave the building and get in her car parked on the street. She made sure Nell was on her way before she turned around, heading back to the elevators. There was concern for Nell, put in a dangerous situation she never should have been. But the overriding feeling churning in her stomach was desperate worry over what had happened to Deeks. It was never good when an agent dropped completely off the grid. And he would have left signs of how to find him if he could. The fact that Sam and Callen hadn't located him was telling in ways she didn't want to consider.

Kensi took the elevator up to the parking garage, swiftly walking to her car. She was almost there when she heard the distant ding of the elevator returning to the floor and Rachel's slightly annoyed but insistent voice calling her.

"Geez, Kensi, what the heck is the matter with you? You just leave without a word. I don't know what's going on, but you can't do that," Rachel ran up to her, slapping her phone into her hand and crossing her arms over her chest. "There, I found your phone. Or rather, Josh found it. You're welcome."

Kensi stared at the missing phone, knowing it couldn't be a coincidence that Josh had found it. Or that he'd possibly taken it. Her mind stormed with crashing thoughts. Josh was Detective Benson's friend and contact. How could he possibly be involved?

Feeling dismay at the lack of answers, Kensi glanced at Rachel, seeing barely contained annoyance and a little hurt gracing her green eyes. But it was the sound of squealing tires, the flash of lights from a large van speeding towards them, and her rapid assessment of how far they were from the elevator or stairs that had her quickly turning to Rachel.

"Rachel, you need to run. Just go, don't ask me questions, just get out of here and go somewhere with lots of people. Run!"

To her credit, after her eyes widened in surprise for the briefest of seconds Rachel whirled around and ran for the stairs. Kensi turned to face the van as it came to a stop, the side door sliding open. Her heart sank as four men got out, two of them immediately running in the direction Rachel had gone.

Their moves were too calculated and they'd been too prepared to find her. Kensi knew they had to work for the cartel and had been specifically sent to retrieve her. How they knew who she was and what that might mean for Deeks' cover and his safety was unknown. The lack of control might have taken her breath away had she not had other things to concentrate on.

Kensi tried to stop one man with a kick and the other with her arm swung around at his neck in an attempt to clothesline him. Rough hands at her waist pulled her away and Kensi turned to face the other two men, knowing she was outnumbered but refusing to go quietly. Maybe if she kept them busy long enough Rachel could get away. Or if she took out her two attackers by the time the other two came back with Rachel she could try and take them down too.

The men were all big, outweighing her by easily seventy-five pounds. And they weren't opposed to playing dirty. Her skirt and shoes hindering her, Kensi kicked off the heels, wishing for the sturdy support of her leather boots. She managed a few kicks and punches, mostly making contact but not causing damage, when one of the men knocked the wind from her with an elbow to her ribs, then backhanded her across the face.

Kensi went down, hitting the concrete hard and gasping for breath. Her vision blackened briefly as she heard someone calling for her, desperate and afraid. _Rachel._ Kensi struggled to sit up, rolling to the side and spitting out blood. The answering kick to her lower back had her collapsing again and she struggled not to scream as a knee went to her back and rough hands twisted her arms around, the bite of a zip tie binding her wrists together.

She was pulled roughly to her feet, the grated concrete scraping painfully against her exposed skin. Kensi shook her head, trying to clear the bright stars coloring her vision. Her heart plummeted as she saw the other two men returning with Rachel. Rachel, for her part, had clearly paid attention in self-defense class. She kicked and screamed, putting up a fight that should have alerted the whole building to what was going on. But an impatient fist across her face had her crying in pain and suddenly silent.

As much as she tried to struggle and was desperate to get away, Kensi could see no way out. As she and Rachel were half carried, half dragged, to the door of the van she calculated quickly, letting her mind run through scenarios and plan for ways to escape or at least let someone know what had happened. At least there was Nell. Nell would get back to OSP and when Kensi didn't appear they would know something had happened. Eric would check the security cameras in the garage, maybe get a license plate from the van, and the search would begin. For now she had to concentrate on staying alive and protecting Rachel.

Kensi felt a small comfort knowing Nell was safe. Until she was tossed into the back of the van, her body hitting something soft that responded with a groan of pain. Kensi struggled to roll over, feeling her hopes crash as she realized that the something soft had been Nell.

Rachel fell to her side next to Kensi, both of their arms pinned and tied behind them, and the men piled in after them, not seemingly worried about their trussed up captives in the back of the van. Kensi glanced over Nell quickly, noting that she seemed to be on the edge of consciousness. Her face was scraped and bloody, her nose bleeding and her eyes blackened. Kensi wondered if they'd somehow made her crash her car since an exploding airbag would account for her injuries.

Kensi rolled to the side, cursing as she realized in the struggle with their captors that she'd lost her purse, her phone, everything. Rachel turned towards her, green eyes wide and fearful. Kensi shook her head quickly, keeping her voice low.

"I lost my phone," she whispered angrily. Rachel turned away from her and Kensi glanced down to see that Rachel had a cell phone in her hand. Feeling a tendril of desperate hope, Kensi flipped over, her back to Rachel's, so she could take the phone from her.

Twisting her body and trying to stay out of sight, Kensi maneuvered the phone around in her hands, struggling since she held it behind her back and her hands and fingers were restricted in their movements. The soft beeping of the phone reached her ears and she cringed, hoping the men in the van couldn't hear it. They spoke quietly in Spanish and Kensi tried to hear them but the bare metal interior of the van reverberated the sounds of the street, the rain and the car, making anything they said impossible to make out.

Even though it was Rachel's phone she knew the protocol to submit an "Agent in Distress" signal when she didn't have her phone. She dialed one of the NCIS designated numbers and was entering in her code, fixated on trying to hit the right numbers without knowing if she was when she heard an angry curse in Spanish, right before Rachel's warning cry.

"Kensi!"

She looked up, seeing the movement in the dim lighting of the van. She registered the fist aimed for her face the second before it hit, not giving her a chance to turn her head or try and deflect. Her last thought, beyond hoping the code had gone through, was of Deeks. She hoped he was safe.

But then the pain was sharp over her cheekbone and the side of her face before disappearing almost instantly as she sank into unconsciousness.


	23. Chapter 23

****Rating: ****Beginning in Chapter 16 this story is rated M. This chapter has some brief language and violent situations but that's about the extent of the M-rated material this time around.****  
><strong>******Disclaimer: ****We're getting into the "crime" part of this story's characterization. It'll come as no surprise that I'm not a bank robber or a computer hacker so the details relating to those aspects of this story are highly fictionalized. I am, however, a historian. So I do research and what I can to make it _somewhat _believable.  
><strong><strong>Note:<strong>** My apologies on the delay! Thank you to anyone who reads, review, alerts or favorites. You make it easy to be enthusiastic about writing this just to see your reactions. A HUGE thank you to my very good friend and beta, **MioneAlterEgo** for catching a major plot omission that might have left everyone scratching their heads. Any mistakes are from things I added after she reviewed for me. Also, she's writing a new series called **A Code to Live By **that is Nell/Callen (even I'm being slowly won over) with a little Deeks/Kensi mixed in. I highly recommend it! Now, on with the show! Lots of twists and turns coming up which I hope you all will enjoy. Thanks for reading! And an extra big thank you for reviewing if you are so inclined!

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><p>After Kensi dropped him off in Venice, Deeks did a quick sweep of the apartment, confirming the bugs he'd discovered weeks ago were still in place. Finding them as he'd left them, Deeks started a steady conversation with Monty, commenting on the weather, the lost surfing days, and how much he wasn't looking forward to going to his job that afternoon. Monty watched him with adoring brown eyes, following him as he moved around the apartment and wagging his tail whenever Deeks said his name.<p>

Knowing he had a few hours to kill, Deeks pulled out the laptop loaded with the malware and spent some time reviewing the software and refreshing his memory so that when the time came he would be as prepared as possible.

Less than an hour later he was munching on an apple when there was a quick knock at the door. Puzzled, Deeks stood to answer the door, unable to hide his surprise when he saw Derek and Mike standing on his porch. He swallowed a bite of apple, looking back and forth between both men.

Mike looked nervous, shifting his weight back and forth, a light sheen of sweat on his brow. Derek looked like the calm at the center of the raging storm outside. Both men's behaviors had him instantly on alert. Mike was rarely ever anything but confident and in control, and Derek always seemed to be holding onto a very thin line between rage and composure. That he was so calm had Deeks concerned, even when he had no reason to be. No reason yet, anyway.

Deeks stood aside to let both men in, closing the door against the threatening wind and rain. Taking a last bite of his apple, he threw the core in the trash, turning to face the guys.

"What's going on? Everything okay?" Deeks asked casually, directing his question at Mike while he watched Derek for his reaction. And Derek didn't disappoint him. Something shifted behind Derek's eyes, something Deeks couldn't quantify or name. He forced down his frustration that he couldn't read the man better. He had gut feelings but nothing solid to back up the twinge of concern that seemed to be present whenever Derek was around.

"Everything's good. But we're going in today." Mike replied without preamble.

Deeks blinked in surprise, thinking he'd heard wrong. "Today? I thought we were two weeks out. What's changed?"

Derek stepped forward, waving a hand dismissively. "It doesn't matter. We're going in now. Either you come with us or we go without you."

Feeling uncertainty churning in his stomach, Deeks watched Mike carefully, trying to discern the source of discomfort, and trying to get a read on the man. That Mike was effectively allowing Derek some control worried him. That he hadn't had a chance to work through the protocol for during the robbery with Kensi, Detective Benson or anyone at NCIS concerned him. But he pushed those uncertainties away. He would have to adjust if he wanted the undercover to result in any kind of success. And rolling with the punches was one of the things he was good at.

Deeks nodded, turning to reach for his phone. "I'm in. Let me just call my job, let them know I won't be coming in-"

Derek reached the phone before he did, holding it out of his reach. The flare of disconcert rising again, Deeks narrowed his eyes at Derek.

"What the hell? Give me my phone."

"We don't have time for this. Your crappy job at the corner market isn't going to matter after today. Let's go."

Deeks was about to object again and demand his phone, but Mike stopped him with an impatient shake of his head. "Derek's right. We're going. No phone calls."

Frowning, Deeks nodded in agreement, grabbing his laptop and turning to follow Derek and Mike from the apartment. He'd hoped to be able to send a text message to the preprogrammed "Mom" number in his cell phone that would at least alert NCIS that something was happening. But Derek tossed the phone on the table and watched him as he followed them from the apartment. He was on his own.

Arriving at a windowless, ubiquitous white van parked on the street, Mike opened the sliding side door, handing Deeks black rain gear to pull on over his already soaked clothes. Deeks zipped up the jacket, sparing a quick glance at the angry gray sky before he climbed into the back of the van. The front of the van still had the driver's and passenger's bucket seats in place and the open space of the rear of the van had two jump seats installed and a large crate strapped to the floor.

Derek got in the driver's seat and Mike climbed in on the passenger side. The ride to Jesse's house was quiet except for the wind and rain buffeting the exterior of the van. Deeks used the time to run through all the options in his head.

He didn't like the idea of actually going through with the robbery without anyone knowing what was going on. That hadn't been the plan. And in his almost two years with NCIS he'd come to value the meticulous and careful planning that was a normal part of their operations. This smacked a little more of the fast and loose operations of his LAPD days and while Deeks knew that sometimes that was just how things had to be, this undercover had a higher risk for civilian casualties. And that was a risk that had him apprehensive.

But there wasn't a choice. Not if he didn't want to blow his already tenuous position on the team. Mike was already tense and Derek was watching Deeks as if he knew something. And it was driving Deeks crazy, not knowing what Derek was thinking and still wondering about the strange connection he might have with the Contreras Cartel.

When Jesse joined him in the back of the van, pulling on identical rain gear, Deeks shoved his concern aside and smiled at the younger man. Jesse looked nervous, but mustered up a matching grin. Derek pulled away from the curb and drove to a nearby park, deserted thanks to the rainstorm. Parking, Derek cut the engine and he and Mike turned in their seat to run through the plan.

They were hitting the Silver Lake branch of East West Bank on Glendale Boulevard. Mike and Derek would take point on entering the bank while Jesse and Deeks would secure the entrance. Jesse would be responsible for guarding the front door, Mike and Derek would contain any guards, the tellers, and customers while Deeks would access the bank's mainframe.

Deeks would have no more than eight minutes to configure and load the malware while the rest of the guys emptied the bank of whatever cash they could get a hold of. Although now the real payday was in the secure banking information, there was no need to let the available cash go. Not to mention it would look suspicious if a bank robbery didn't actually involve stealing any physical money.

They spent a few hours going over the plan and building layouts that Mike had procured. Deeks took note of where Mike thought the bank's computer system was located. Mike and Derek quietly discussed delaying the robbery in light of the bad weather but Derek was quick to push forward, convincing Mike by suggesting the storm would make any law enforcement response slow. Deeks watched their exchange, knowing that he and Jesse were not a part of the decision. He contemplated trying to offer up reasons to delay but he had a feeling it would only draw suspicion to him. And suspicion was not what he needed if he wanted to keep his position in the group secure. And while Derek was trying to push to go forward, he ultimately left the decision up to Mike. Finally, Mike nodded in agreement and Derek started the van, pulling back into traffic and heading towards the bank in Silver Lake.

By the time they pulled up across the street from the bank Deeks felt as though his heart might burst from his chest. He hadn't been prepared for things to unfold as they were. And without the comfort of Kensi or Sam and Callen for backup he was feeling very off balance. Somehow he still managed to find dark humor in the fact that he'd been so irrevocably changed by his time at NCIS that normally something that wouldn't have made him sweat was causing panic to bubble painfully at the edge of his consciousness.

It was as Mike handed him the goggles and ski mask to hide his features that he felt the sudden blanket of cold calm settle over his mind, centering him. He could do this. It wouldn't be the first crime he'd actively participated in as part of an undercover. Grimly strapping on the identity-hiding gear and cinching his hood over his hair, Deeks latched on to the calm, using it like a buoy in a storm.

Without hesitation he took the assault rifle Derek handed him, doing a quick check of the magazine and trigger mechanism. He took an extra magazine from Jesse, tucking it into his jacket pocket. Slinging the strap of the rifle over one shoulder, he pulled the bag with the laptop on over his head and the other shoulder. He glanced around at the other three men, their faces and identifying features hidden behind identical clothing.

Instead of his heart picking up speed he felt his pulse begin to slow. It was more than calm. It was certainty focused sharply on the task at hand. He would do what needed to be done. Just before leaving the van Deeks thought of Kensi, equally wishing she were somewhere nearby as his backup and grateful that she was miles away and completely unaware of what was going on.

The plan went off without a hitch. As Deeks and Jesse followed Mike and Derek into the bank Deeks was relieved to see that the lone security guard had wisely given up his firearm. There were maybe a dozen customers and half as many tellers and bank staff, all quietly prone on the floor and subdued under Mike's forceful commands.

Nobody was trying to be a hero. Jesse stayed at the front door while Derek moved behind the counters, beginning to remove money. Knowing this part of the robbery would be his least favorite part, Deeks zeroed in on the well dressed man who was probably the bank manager. Walking to him quickly, he met the man's eyes, his own eyes obscured by the tinted goggles.

"Where is the computer mainframe?"

The man hesitated for a second and internally Deeks groaned. Banks trained their employees to comply with the demands of criminals. No bank wanted an employee hurt and the inevitable public relations and insurance nightmare that would follow a botched robbery. But there were still some people who resisted, either out of stubbornness, anger, or fear. Deeks saw Mike coming towards him and knowing that their leader wouldn't be as kind to a resisting employee, Deeks shoved down his distaste at the action and lifted his gun to point it at the woman sitting next to the bank manager.

"Tell me where the computer mainframe is or I will shoot her," Deeks kept his voice level and cold. The impatience of someone like Tyler lurked at the edge of his mind. He worried that the manager wouldn't give in, but the threat to an unarmed woman seemed to do the trick. The man quickly nodded his head, his eyes widening in fear.

"No, please, don't hurt her. Down the hall, fourth door on the left."

Deeks nodded once quickly, lowering his gun and feeling relief he wouldn't have to contemplate taking the charade further. He turned to look down the hall, knowing he had one more action he would have to go along with as part of his role in the robbery. He studied the tellers quickly, surveying and reading the men and women in seconds. And he turned to a young woman, her eyes filled with unshed tears, reaching for her arm and pulling her roughly to her feet.

She stiffened against him and whimpered quietly and Deeks felt his resolve crumble a little. Mike had demanded he take a bank employee with him in case he needed doors unlocked or he needed a shield. Deeks hadn't liked it but as Tyler he'd merely nodded, agreeing with the wisdom of human leverage. He'd chosen a woman small in stature who looked scared out of her mind. He didn't want someone who would resist, he needed as little opposition as possible.

The bank manager objected, rising to his feet and holding his hands out in a show of submission. "Please, leave her alone. Take me with you, I won't get in your way. I'll do whatever you want."

Deeks looked at the man, seeing the genuine concern and caring in his eyes. He admired the man for wanting to save his employee from possible harm. Looking at Mike for confirmation, when Deeks got it he allowed the woman to sit down and gestured with his gun for the manager to precede him down the hall.

The manager unlocked the door to the room that housed the computer mainframe and Deeks instructed him to return to the rest of the hostages. He knew that hadn't been part of Mike's plan but Deeks didn't want the potential for a human casualty.

Working quickly, Deeks pulled out the laptop, plugging it in and verifying the connection to the bank's network and mainframe. Drawing on every bit of instruction from the dozens of times Eric had run him through hacking into the bank's secure network, he concentrated on finding the vulnerabilities in the system. Surprised when he managed to get into the network in less than a minute, Deeks ignored the small thrill of success and immediately began searching through the directories for the software system's source code.

Feeling relief that the system looked exactly as anticipated and precisely as Eric had meticulously prepared him to expect, Deeks located the source code and began to insert the code into the malware. Searching again for the directory he would need to insert the newly modified malware, he copied the malware to the system, letting the software start to do its job.

Deeks was about to begin working on modifying the second code of malware, the code that would allow the LAPD and FBI to track who accessed the secure banking information, when Derek entered the room. Deeks couldn't see the man's face but he knew his build and height. Derek gestured with his gun at the computer.

"You've got four minutes left. Are you almost done?"

Deeks nodded once, looking back at the computer to confirm the transfer. The first code of malware was loaded, the second he needed to finish modifying and load into the system. He could do it in four minutes. And then the bank robbers and the cartel would think they had everything they wanted while the FBI and LAPD would be able to track them. This would all be over in a matter of hours or days at the most.

"Yeah, just finishing modifying the malware. Then we should be good to-Derek, what the hell?"

Deeks had been watching the computer screen and speaking until he sensed movement towards him. And he'd looked up to find Derek standing over him, far enough out of reach, a Glock aimed at his head. Reacting automatically, Deeks held up his hands, all the while calculating if he could maneuver his rifle around to defend against Derek if need be.

Up until that moment things had been going well, both according to Mike's plan and the plan for the undercover. And Deeks had been feeling confident that success might be within his grasp. But with the gun aimed at his head Deeks had the sinking feeling that all his plans were about to be shattered. And the uncertainty of that, not to mention knowing how volatile Derek Smith could be, had Deeks breaking out into a cold sweat, his heart hammering loudly.

"I know you're a cop."

Derek's words, icy with barely contained rage, made Deeks' heart stop. Just for an instant, then the rush of blood in his head was louder than his next words, forced out strongly and with disbelief.

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about, man. I'm not a cop. Get that gun out of my face."

Derek laughed coldly and shook his head. "You can deny it all you want. But I know the truth. Does the name Dale Johnson ring any bells?"

Trying to control his careening thoughts, Deeks searched his memory. But with a career lasting more than a decade, he couldn't specifically recall the name. He kept still, not wanting to react in case there was still some way to salvage the undercover.

"Let me refresh you memory, _Jason Wyler_, or whoever you are. Blood and Guts Warriors. Two years ago. My brother, Corporal Dale Johnson, who you helped put away for accessory to murder and drug trafficking. Sound familiar now?"

In that moment Deeks knew with a growing sense of dread that there was no use denying any further. He did remember Dale Johnson, had spent weeks and months training with the man. It was his first case with NCIS. Johnson had been there when he'd first met Kensi. It was like a strange sort of circular serendipity culminating in their current undercover. Two years had passed since then but clearly Johnson had remembered him and had told his brother, told Derek Smith, about Deeks' true identity.

Deeks thought quickly, trying to figure out how it was possible that Derek Smith was Dale Johnson's brother. He couldn't recall Johnson's file. Time and distance from solved cases tended to dull the edges of memory. But he was more and more certain that Smith hadn't had a brother. The mystery of the story was still unraveling and Deeks didn't have the ability to discover the answers, not in the middle of a bank robbery that suddenly put his cover, not to mention his life, in jeopardy.

The only question that remained in Deeks' mind was if Kensi's cover had been blown. Thinking quickly, Deeks concluded that Johnson must have recognized him from the beach three days earlier. He'd been a distance off shore, but if Derek had pointed him out it was possible. And no doubt Johnson would hold a grudge for the part Deeks had played in his arrest and conviction. But Kensi had also been at the beach that day. Deeks prayed that Derek hadn't directed Johnson's attention towards her. Although Kensi's cover as Tracey had never been compromised from that first case, if Johnson had seen her and recognized her no doubt he would have been able to put two and two together.

As if reading his mind, Derek laughed, a harsh sound that bore no resemblance to humor. "Yeah, he recognized Kensi too. Or Tracey, or whatever the hell her name is."

Derek stepped to the side, still keeping his gun trained on Deeks. Deeks glanced at the computer, seeing that the second code of malware had finished processing and was ready to load. Sensing the passage of time, of minutes that seemed to streak by at incongruously fast and slow speeds, Deeks felt the sweat at his hairline begin to bead and travel down his neck and back, felt the rise in humidity caused by the water resistant wind breaker and his clothes, still damp from his earlier dousing from the rain. The physical discomfort was almost unbearable but Deeks shoved it aside, needing to concentrate on figuring out the score with Derek, and if he could still manage to complete his undercover assignment.

"Dale wasn't completely sure at first. But then I took him to see Mateo and Santiago Contreras. And they pulled out the photos they'd taken of Kensi, and a few of you and Kensi looking all adorable," Derek sneered. He paused, cocking his head to the side. "So is that all an act? The couple thing? Is she a cop too? Or is she actually your girlfriend? I could tell you care about her, you two were so obviously hot for each other. That threw me at first, made me think it wasn't an act. Either way, that makes this next part particularly satisfying."

Despite the hot rush of blood pumping through him, Deeks suddenly felt his body turn ice cold. The way Derek talked about Kensi, the disdain in his voice, and then the following satisfied smugness, had him instantly anxious.

He tried to convince himself she had to be okay, that he would know, would feel, if something had happened to her. But the desperately discouraged part of him didn't know that he would feel that. He thought back to that morning and the quick kiss they'd shared when she'd dropped him off in Venice. That couldn't be the last time he saw her. It couldn't.

Wild despair crashed through his mind and he took a deep breath, trying to center himself. He couldn't remember the last time he'd told Kensi he loved her. And in that moment that thought was more paralyzing than any other.

Then a voice, sounding suspiciously like his partner's, impatiently told him to get a hold of himself. He would be able to tell Kensi he loved her. The kiss that morning would not be their last. He wouldn't allow it.

"Say whatever you're just dying to tell me, Derek," Deeks replied, his tone measured. He wouldn't give in to showing his anger or discomfort over the implied threats to Kensi. It was probably his greatest weakness and his hardest task to not visibly respond to her being threatened, but he had to try. He was grateful that the mask and goggles he wore helped hide his reaction.

Derek pushed on, clearly enjoying whatever pain he could inflict on Deeks. "Once Santiago realized you were a cop I had to convince him not to kill you right then. We still needed you to upload the software since that can't be an act, not if you wanted to catch us. So I convinced them to use Kensi as leverage. Santiago's men will have picked her up by now. And there's the bonus prize too."

Confused, Deeks tried to push his worry for Kensi aside. "Bonus prize? What are you talking about?"

"You'll find out soon enough. But if you don't follow through, if you don't load the malware just as you promised you could, they'll kill Kensi. And killing me won't change anything. If they suspect anything is wrong they won't hesitate."

"You put my brother in prison. Don't think I'll forget that any time soon," Derek ground the words out, his eyes dark and nearly murderous as he kept his eyes locked on Deeks. Deeks controlled his reactions even while his discomfort grew. Derek had already been a volatile personality. The added element of a personal vendetta against Deeks for what he perceived had been done to his brother, a brother he was clearly protective of, upped the unpredictability even more.

Derek glanced again at his watch. "You have two minutes."

With that, Derek took his gun and left him alone, left him to contemplate and consider his choices. It infuriated him and made him feel powerless that Derek didn't even feel the need to stay and watch him. Derek knew that Deeks was under his control. His choice, if he wanted to absolutely ensure Kensi's safety, was already made.

Deeks stared at the computer screen, knowing the second code of malware was ready to load. A few clicks of some buttons and the LAPD and FBI would have everything they would eventually need to catch three bank robbers and an unknown number of drug cartels, starting with the Contreras brothers. The last six months of his undercover would be validated. But Kensi's life would be forfeit. He would have no ability to bargain for her safety if he gave up and gave the cartel what they wanted.

It was in that moment that Deeks felt the weight of the impossible choice he was facing. It was the very thing everyone had warned him about, that even he and Kensi had worried about months ago when they started down the winding path to where they were now as partners, friends, and lovers. Their relationship, their need to protect each other, to ensure that the other lived, or the success of a mission?

It tore at him, being faced with the one thing he'd worried would be the hardest choice he would ever make. As a cop he couldn't allow men like Derek Smith and the Contreras brothers get away with crimes. They would just continue in their paths of destruction and countless lives would fall in the wake of the ripple affect of his actions if he didn't try and stop them.

But could he actually give Kensi up? Could he live with himself if he left her to fend on her own? Could she forgive him? And could he forgive himself?

Deeks blinked to clear his thoughts, feeling the division in his heart and mind, knowing that everything in him belonged to Kensi, fought to protect her, fought to make sure she would be safe. But he knew, irrevocably and without a doubt, that his decision was already made. It was the only decision he could live with. And he knew Kensi, knew the kind of woman she was, and knew she would never forgive him, or forgive herself for her influence over him, if he made a different decision.

Before he could change his mind, and knowing that despite his resolve he might not be able to stop himself from altering his path if he thought about it too much, Deeks typed quickly, loading the second code of malware to the software system. And when he hit the final key to finish the process he tried to ignore the plummeting of his heart.

Just because it was the right decision didn't make it any easier to live with.

Kensi's safety was in jeopardy now. The cartel wouldn't know immediately that he'd defied them. But it wouldn't take long for them to figure it out. And he had to have faith in Kensi that she would survive long enough that NCIS could find her. He didn't have much hope for his own survival anymore. Even if he made it out of the bank he doubted Smith and the cartel would want him alive. They would only keep him alive as long as he was useful to them. Which meant escape was the next priority. Escape so he could start to try and figure out what had happened to Kensi. He had faith that Kensi could stay alive but that didn't mean he wasn't going to do everything humanly possible, and with whatever might he could muster from the LAPD and NCIS, to find her.

Not thirty seconds after he finished loading the software, Derek returned, dragging next to him the young teller Deeks had initially selected to come along as his leverage. Deeks stood, keeping his hands out and wide in a conciliatory gesture.

"You don't need to hurt anyone. I did what you wanted. The software is loaded. The cartel gets what they want. You can do whatever you want to me. But don't hurt her." Deeks didn't try to hide the note of pleading in his tone. He knew going in that civilian casualties would be a possibility. But he didn't want that as an outcome if he could avoid it. He and Kensi had signed on to their jobs with eyes wide open, knowing the risks and possibilities of personal harm. But it was their job to protect the people in the wrong place at the wrong time from becoming collateral damage.

Derek dragged the teller over towards Deeks and the computer, gesturing for Deeks to move away from the laptop. He stood to the side, allowing Derek to look at the laptop screen, clicking a few buttons as though he was looking for something. Deeks tried not to fidget, knowing that Derek had some computer skills and there was the possibility he could detect the two codes of malware. But then, Eric had designed the malware. And Deeks knew that Eric's skills with a computer were virtually unmatched.

Seemingly satisfied, Derek stood, releasing the bank teller from his grip and stepping back a few steps. Derek packed up the laptop, all the while keeping his gun trained on Deeks, slinging the bag holding the computer over his shoulder. Holding his hands out in front of him, palms up, Deeks took a cautious step in front of the woman, wanting to get her out of the possible path of Derek's anger and the gun he was still brandishing.

"See, it's all there. Just like you guys wanted. So just leave. Take me with you or do whatever you're going to do to me, just don't hurt—"

It happened before Deeks could even finish his plea. The gun in Derek's hand wavered for just an instant, shifting from where it had been trained at Deeks' head to just over his shoulder. The discharge from the gun was deafening in the small room and in Deeks' left ear. And although Deeks didn't see it happen and the woman didn't have the time to cry out or react, the sound of her body hitting the floor behind him was sickeningly final.

Feeling the heaviness of immeasurable loss and regret, Deeks cursed and allowed a glance behind him. In the space of time it took for him to turn his head to look over his shoulder he uselessly hoped for a different outcome than what he knew to be innately true. But his eyes confirmed what he dreaded as he took in the young woman, her body in an ungraceful heap on the ground, a bullet hole centered in her forehead.

Deeks had seen a lot of horribly violent scenes as a cop. He'd interrupted plenty of fights, had seen the aftermath of gun battles, car accidents, knife fights, and human life torn irreparably from the living world. Young life destroyed, especially children, was always the hardest. But innocent life, no matter the age, still made his stomach heave in regret. Looking at the young woman, he knew he couldn't allow himself to sink into the remorseful loss of an innocent life. He hoped there would be time for regrets later. But right at that moment he had to stay alive, escape, complete the mission, and find Kensi.

He looked back at Derek, not seeing an ounce of nervousness in his posture, not a single jumpy spasm in his arm as he held the gun, now trained back at Deeks.

Derek had killed someone now. That upped the stakes significantly. The lengths he might be willing to go to in order to achieve his goals were longer now that he'd taken a life. And he'd done it all while thinking that Deeks had complied to his demands in following through with loading the software. Derek would have killed the woman regardless of what Deeks had done. Not that most criminals had a moral code, but knowing Derek's was completely nonexistent made Deeks' resolve that he'd done the right thing unwavering.

Deeks stayed silent and faced Derek, waiting for the man's next move. He honestly didn't know if Derek was going to kill him or take him with them when they left the bank.

The gunshot had clearly been heard in the front of the bank as Jesse yelled worriedly, the sound echoing down the hall. Deeks watched Derek carefully, trying to see if he would move or give Deeks the chance to make a grab for his gun or reveal a weakness that might allow him to overtake him. Derek stood almost as still as a statue, not even reacting when loud footsteps indicated someone was running towards the room.

Deeks allowed a glance at the figure, recognizing Mike's height and build even through the mask and goggles. Mike was out of breath and his voice pitched high with stress at the scene in the room.

"What the hell is going on in here? Derek, why do you have a gun pointed at Marty? And why is that woman dead? Killing people was never part of the plan." Mike's voice was full of anger at what he perceived as the loss of control of the operation and defiance of his orders. Derek shrugged nonchalantly.

"Plans change. People change. Like Marty here. He's a cop. Pretty sloppy work, Mike, you letting a cop close and in on our operation."

"What are you talking about? He is not a cop! We've already been through this. Even Santiago and Mateo checked him out. He's been with us for months. There's no way he's a cop," Mike insisted angrily. He glanced at Deeks but Deeks stayed quiet and kept his arms up, ever watchful to see if he could spot a weakness in Derek, could somehow turn the situation in his favor.

"I really don't need to convince you, not when I already know the truth. And you're right, Santiago and Mateo did check him out. But they also trusted you. And you allowing a cop to get close to their operation is not something that pleases them."

Mike shook his head, dismissing him with a sharp jerk of his hand. "You know what, this is ridiculous. Whatever is going on we'll sort it out later. I'm still the leader of this group and we need to go."

"Consider this a coup."

The words had barely left Derek's mouth when he moved with startling speed, turning slightly and raising his gun from where it had been trained on Deeks to aim at Mike, the gun going off a second time. Out of the corner of his eye Deeks saw Mike go down, the bullet piercing his head with deadly accuracy.

Deeks reacted quickly and instinctively, moving to try and attack Derek from the side, despite the shock he felt watching Derek turn on Mike. But the room was too large and Derek had clearly expected him to try and rush him. The gun was back and pointed at Deeks before he'd managed to make it even two steps. Deeks swallowed thickly and immediately froze. The depth of Derek's cruelty was deeper than even Deeks had thought possible. Derek had just killed a man he'd claimed was his friend.

Criminals weren't usually all that difficult to deal with. Their impulses were usually pretty easy to figure, manipulate, and get to the bottom of. But psychopaths were a different story. Logic didn't apply and chaos ruled. And Deeks had a sneaking suspicion that Derek fell into the latter category. He most certainly was a criminal. But his driving motivations were his lack of empathy and remorse. It probably wouldn't have mattered what Deeks had done with the malware. Derek was going to do whatever made sense in his twisted mind. Which made it easy for Deeks not to regret doing everything in his power to stop him.

Seemingly unconcerned that he'd killed one of his closest friends, Derek pointed Deeks towards the door. Leading the way, Deeks returned to the front of the bank, hands raised high. Jesse was nearly pacing at the front of the bank and he immediately turned as he spotted them.

"What the hell is going on? Where's Mike?"

Before Derek could fill him in, Deeks spoke quickly and sharply. "Mike's dead, Jesse. Your friend here shot him. Killed a teller too."

Jesse released a shocked breath and nearly sputtered in disbelief. "No, there's no way. Mike can't be dead. Why—"

"What Marty is failing to tell you is that he's a cop and he's been lying to us all since the moment he met us. I'm done with this shit. We're getting out of here," Derek dismissed the conversation with a shake of his head, shoving Deeks towards the front door. Jesse stayed frozen where he stood and Deeks once again felt sorry for the younger man, clearly in over his head.

Deeks heard distant sirens over the wailing wind of the storm outside as it rattled the glass windows and he saw Derek glance quickly outside, the tightening of his shoulders indicating the first sign of unease. As another unmarked van pulled up in front of the bank Derek relaxed, then shoved his gun in Deeks' back, forcing him to move outside.

Sighing as though he was annoyed, Derek glanced back at Jesse, then yelled impatiently at him. "You can stay there and let the cops take you in or you can come with us. It's up to you."

The thought of capture seemed to spur Jesse on and he finally moved, rushing to follow them out into the nearly horizontal rain falling in a constant downpour. Bypassing their original van, Derek hauled Deeks towards the second vehicle, shoving him into the back with the help from one of the men inside.

Deeks quickly concluded that Derek must have called in some additional muscle from the cartel. The three men in the van wore ski masks and were armed. One of them spoke rapidly to Derek in Spanish. Derek identified Deeks as a cop and one of the men ripped Deeks' mask and goggles from his face, keeping a gun trained on him. Deeks stayed still, mindful that getting shot was not an consequence he wanted.

One of the cartel members took the wheel, pulling the car away from the bank while the two other men grabbed from Jesse and Derek what bags of cash they'd managed to carry from the bank. Derek also grabbed Jesse's gun from him, leaving Jesse to practically crumble in the corner of the van. Jesse pulled off his mask and goggles and for the first time Deeks saw his face, colored with horror and shock. Jesse covered his eyes and took several deep breaths. Deeks felt the sympathy for him rise again but he shoved it aside.

Deeks was able to forget about his concern for Jesse when one of the cartel members pistol-whipped him in the face with his gun. Completely unprepared for the impact, Deeks closed his eyes, seeing explosions of white in front of his eyes and struggling not to lose consciousness. He tasted blood from where he'd bitten his tongue and he concentrated on the hot, coppery taste. He blinked rapidly, feeling the heat rise to his cheek where he was sure a pretty spectacular bruise would exist in a few hours. Provided he was able to survive that long.

The man who'd hit him grabbed him by the front of his coat, hauling him roughly towards him. "That's for putting me in prison, you son of a bitch."

Deeks tried to focus, felt his world swimming in the haze of vertigo caused by the strike to his head and the moving van. The man's voice was familiar but he was having trouble concentrating. As if sensing his difficulty, the man yanked off his ski mask, revealing the familiar face of Dale Johnson.

It had been almost two years, but Deeks remembered the last time he'd seen the man. It had been when he'd given his testimony at his trial. The military court had been closed and his identity kept a secret since his status as an undercover cop had to be protected. Despite all those safeguards, Deeks had still had to testify with Dale Johnson present. Even criminals had some rights when facing their accusers.

"Does that mean we're even? Because I'm pretty sure I took you out with just a couple punches and I didn't even have to use a gun on your sorry ass," Deeks replied, struggling to keep his tone offhand and fighting the urge to gasp for breath. Johnson's eyes narrowed as he remembered that day in the Blood & Guts Warriors Gym when Deeks had arrived to help Sam take down the men who had been involved in the drug trafficking and Daniel Zuna's death.

Deeks wasn't able to resist the dig. It probably hadn't been smart to taunt his captor further but it wasn't in him to let scum like Johnson feel as though they had even the smallest of margins over him. And Johnson had been the weakest link in the Blood & Guts Warriors. Deeks had spent enough time watching the man during his weeks undercover to know he had an irrational temper that flashed quickly that made him do stupid things. But he'd also been a coward and weak, falling in line with whatever commands and orders Victor Janklow had dictated. Johnson moved his arm as though he planned to strike Deeks again when Derek stopped him with a strong grip on his shoulder.

Derek shook his head, pulling off his mask and goggles to look at his brother in the eye. "No, we need him alive."

The order seemed to resonate with Dale and he nodded, relaxing his hold on Deeks and letting him fall back onto the floor of the van. Derek moved towards the front of the van to confer with the driver and Deeks watched him go as he gingerly felt his cheekbone and jaw, relieved nothing seemed to be fractured. He puzzled over Derek's words. For some reason Derek thought he was still of some use to him. Derek had shown no compunction about killing anyone in his way and Deeks wondered what was planned for him. And he tried not to think too much about what might be planned for Kensi.

Not wanting to let his worry for Kensi take him over, and knowing there were still pieces of the puzzle left unanswered, Deeks turned to Derek. "There was no brother in the FBI's file on you. How can the two of you be related?"

Derek and Dale traded a glance, Dale's face showing a flicker of concern while Derek's arrogant grin merely widened.

"You know, I think we'll keep that little mystery to ourselves for awhile yet."

Deeks thought over Derek's words, frustrated at the missing pieces. He couldn't let it go. And he knew there was still more to the story, more to making sense of everything that had happened. Of everything that had gone wrong.

"Are you really a cop?" Jesse's question was slightly forlorn. Deeks looked at Jesse, seeing the hint of hurt betrayal in the younger man's eyes. He nodded once, knowing keeping his cover intact was no longer a concern.

Jesse took a deep breath and then something shifted in his eyes, hurt turning to angry suspicion. "And Kensi? Was that all an act? Is she a cop too?"

Deeks saw the shift of emotions on Jesse's face towards anger and he cursed the loss and potential he and Kensi might have gained in making Jesse a target they could turn. The betrayal had struck too deep. Deeks knew it was pointless to lie. Although Derek hadn't uncovered their true identities, he'd discovered the most damning part: that they were law enforcement.

So he nodded once again, watching as Jesse's eyes hardened and his lips formed a tight line. Derek turned back to Jesse, a triumphant smirk on his face. "I told you and Mike from the start something was off about them. But you two wouldn't listen to me."

"Is that why you killed Mike?" Jesse demanded harshly. Deeks watched Jesse carefully, seeing the first flash of fire and defiance from him. But then Mike and Jesse had been friends for years. He'd been loyal to the man and knowing he'd been killed by someone else he considered a friend had to hit deeply.

Derek leaned towards Jesse, his face hard and stony. "I killed him because he was an idiot for letting a cop get too close, for letting a cop see the inner workings of our operation. I don't let people get in my way."

Deeks felt his blood run cold at Derek's matter-of-fact words. It didn't escape his notice that Jesse seemed to shrink into himself, averting his eyes from Derek's.

"So what happens now? What are we going to do with him?" Dale asked impatiently. Glancing at his brother quickly, Derek then shifted his gaze to Deeks, a cold smile lifting his lips.

"We let him go."

"'Let him go'? Are you kidding me? Why the hell would we let him go? He'll go straight to the cops, or NCIS. He'll find out—"

Derek cut Dale off sharply. "Doesn't matter. We've got the leverage we need. Marty here knows we've got his girlfriend. But I'm guessing he doesn't know about our other guest. Carlos, did the job get done?"

"And then some. We got three."

Grinning slyly and keeping his eyes on Deeks the whole time, Derek nodded. "Multiple hostages. Excellent. Now Marty, we're going to let you go. I know the cops are going to want to come after us with guns blazing. But you're going to need to hold them back. Otherwise Kensi and her friends aren't going to be our guests for very long."

_Friends._ Deeks' mind whirled. Had they managed to grab Kensi at her office? Had Rachel gotten in the way? Had someone else, some other innocent person? He felt sick at the thought. He'd been concentrating earlier on needing to escape, needing to get reinforcements to go after Kensi. But now he felt the desperate urge not to be separated from any possible connection to her.

"Look, letting me go doesn't really help you. Besides, what makes you think I won't send the police right after Santiago and Mateo? And how are you going to get the information to access the account data from the malware if you let me go?" Deeks asked, unable to keep the anxiety from his voice. He was past caring if he gave himself away. Besides Kensi and her safety, there were others to think about.

"Call it a hunch. Something tells me Kensi means more to you than if she were simply another cop. And you don't have anything on Santiago and Mateo, not really. No evidence that can tie them to anything they can be arrested for. Besides, I have something you want. And you know I'm willing to do what I need to in order to get what I want."

Feeling beaten and not liking the hollow pulse of his heart in his chest, Deeks couldn't argue any further. Derek was right in a way. And he worried that when the FBI found out he'd loaded the software as intended they would be even less inclined to make a deal for the release of any hostages. Which meant it was even more important that he get to NCIS as soon as possible. Hetty wouldn't allow Kensi and innocent civilians to fall in the crossfire.

Derek glanced out the window and ordered the driver to stop the van. Opening the sliding door, Derek shoved Deeks out and tossed a cell phone at him. The rain and wind howled around him, pushing and pulling from all sides. Deeks caught the phone and fought the nearly overwhelming urge to physically respond to Derek. He wanted to punch the guy until he bled, until he took him to Kensi. He wanted to demand that Kensi not be hurt. But he'd never felt more inept and useless standing on the side of the road and realizing he could do none of those things. If he wanted to attempt to ensure Kensi's safety, if he wanted to try and help any other hostages, his hands were tied. His choices had been taken away from him.

"We'll be in touch."

Derek's words, before he closed the door and the van pulled away, had been confident and superior in a way that grated on Deeks. Deeks could care less about Derek feeling he'd gained the upper hand on him. But he couldn't quite reconcile what it meant for Kensi. He knew she could take care of herself. But she was still human. And she was the woman he loved. Even though she would probably steadfastly deny she needed him to protect her, there were still situations when she did need him, just as he needed to be there for her.

Knowing he wouldn't be able to be there to watch her back as he wanted to, he looked down at the phone and began to dial. He would find another way. It was what he was good at, changing gears and rolling with the punches. A very strong part of him, the scared and irrational part, argued that he'd given Kensi up, had sold her out by loading the second code of malware.

He couldn't allow that doubtful voice to rule over him. He knew his partner. She wouldn't have wanted him to do a single thing different than he had. And she would fight to survive. And she would know he would come for her. That kind of responsibility, the weight of her hope and faith, beat fast through his heart with certainty and clarity. He would find her, there was no other option.

The phone rang only twice and Hetty's voice, tight with tension, answered quickly. "Mr. Deeks, please tell me that's you."

"It's me, Hetty."

Her deep sigh of relief actually worried him more. Hetty very rarely displayed the strength of her emotions. "Thank goodness. Eric is zeroing in on the signal of your phone right now. Mr. Hanna will be on his way to come get you."

"Hetty, there's no time for that. I'm right by the side of the road, send the information to LAPD and have a local squad car come get me and drop me off at OSP."

Hetty paused for a long moment and Deeks shivered, in equal parts due to the cold and rain pelting him from the torrential deluge, and the careful silence on the line.

"Mr. Deeks, we cannot trust the LAPD right now. Detective Benson called earlier this morning to alert us that Ms. Blye might be in trouble. When we couldn't get ahold of Ms. Blye at her cover job I sent Ms. Jones to investigate. We've lost contact with Ms. Jones and we don't know what has happened to her or Ms. Blye. Five minutes ago we received an 'Agent in Distress' from a phone belonging to a Ms. Rachel Madison. Either Detective Benson was coerced or he participated in luring Ms. Jones out to warn Ms. Blye. I'm not taking chances either way," Hetty insisted, her voice firm.

Deeks felt his head swim and he had to lean over to rest his elbows on his knees. Knowing Kensi was in trouble had been bad enough. He'd barely been able to keep his paralyzing fear at bay when he'd realized her life was in danger. But Nell and Rachel, unprepared to deal with violent criminals, it was almost more than he knew how to handle.

"During the robbery Derek Smith told me Kensi and others had been taken. He said it to try and control me, to make sure I would load the software correctly," Deeks replied, his voice heavy with regret. The long pause on the phone told Deeks that even Hetty was wondering what his decision had been. Kensi or the mission?

"And did you?" Hetty asked quietly, her voice lacking the demand and recrimination he might have expected from the FBI or LAPD. He understood in that instant that Hetty wouldn't hold it against him if he'd taken the emotional path, the path that led to Kensi's safety but risked the whole mission. And he was grateful for her support and lack of judgment. She would always have his loyalty, if only for that moment of her acceptance.

"I loaded the software. All of it. The FBI and LAPD will get what they want. Eventually they'll be able to track down whoever accesses the online banking information," Deeks replied, dejected as he felt the full weight of what he'd done. The FBI and LAPD might be satisfied with the outcome but in Deeks' mind the mission was just beginning. There was still so much at stake, so much that could lead to his entire world coming crashing down over him.

The loud ringing in his ears grew and drowned everything out in a nearly comforting oblivion and he almost wanted to latch on to it, wanted to allow it to take over and make him forget how everything had gone wrong. How everything he'd planned, everything he thought he'd had under control had gone wildly sideways to the point where all he could feel was desperate failure. It would have been easy, would have been a reprieve to give in and let go. But it would have been temporary. And it wasn't in him to latch onto relief. There was no respite for him as long as Kensi wasn't safe.

Hetty's voice had turned calm and kind in his ear and he realized she was gently telling him to breathe. And somehow, even through his haze of shock, his body and mind listened to her without him even consciously deciding to follow her orders.

Knowing it was the shock from the mixture of emotions and the cold and wet weather pounding him that made his hands shake, Deeks concentrated on trying to keep his voice steady. "What do you have on Kensi? Do we know anything about who took her and where?"

"Mr. Beale is pulling security footage. We have alerted the LAPD to the issue with Detective Benson. Mr. Hanna should arrive at your location within minutes—"

Remembering the facet of the afternoon's events that NCIS was unaware of, Deeks interrupted Hetty. "Hetty, we need to pull the records for Corporal Dale Johnson relating to the Daniel Zuna case from two years ago. My cover was blown because he recognized me. Johnson is Derek Smith's brother."

There was rustling in the background and Deeks heard Hetty's murmured words as she spoke to someone. He concluded she has to be up in Ops with Eric, asking him to pull the records. Deeks saw the flash of headlights slide over him and he glanced up the road to see Sam's Challenger approaching at a speed not strictly wise for how wet the roads were.

"Sam's here, Hetty."

"Alright, Mr. Deeks. Get back here as soon as you can and we'll start to unravel this mess."

Deeks felt the pinch of blame at Hetty's words. He knew they hadn't been directed at him. But he wasn't even completely sure he wasn't to blame in some way for the botched robbery and abduction. Somehow things had gone terribly wrong beyond his cover being blown when Johnson had recognized him. And even though that wasn't logically his fault he couldn't help but feel the burden of guilt and regret.

He couldn't imagine what he would feel if something irrevocable happened to Kensi, Nell, or Rachel. The risk of it, the mere possibility of them coming to harm, was almost paralyzing. And while he did worry for Nell and Rachel, he couldn't deny his greater and more personal worry was for Kensi. His life had been completely changed when they met. He'd thought then that she'd knocked him off his feet and made his whole world tilt off balance. That had been nothing compared to just a few weeks ago. And the changes in the last month had only intensified how his life was different now.

He realized he'd begun to plan and hope for a future beyond anything he'd ever permitted himself to consider. They weren't even concrete ideas he'd allowed to take form. But his entire future was wrapped up in Kensi. The risk of losing that was terrifying in a way he couldn't consider. He didn't know who he was without her. And he didn't want to have to figure that out.

Drawing on what flagging confidence and strength he had remaining, he raised his arm to catch Sam's attention.

Wherever Kensi was he hoped she was safe. He needed Kensi to be safe, needed her to stay alive so he could find her. It was the only outcome he could imagine living with.


	24. Chapter 24

******Please see previous chapters for overall disclaimer, rating, summary, spoilers, etc.** NOTE:**** Beginning in Chapter 16 this story is rated M. This chapter has some brief language and violent situations but that's it for the M-rated material this time around.**  
><strong><strong>Note: <strong>****Thank you to anyone who reads, reviews, alerts or favorites. I know this is a pretty massive story so if you're still with me I'm thrilled the story is still capturing your attention and I'd love to hear what you think! By my latest best guess there will be a total of 28 chapters and an epilogue for this story, so the end is in sight! But there's still a lot of ground to cover and this is a pretty plotty chapter so bear with me. This whole undertaking wouldn't be what it is without my beta, idea spitballing partner, and all around awesome friend **MioneAlterEgo** who is so good at holding me accountable to this plot I came up with and keeping me motivated. Thank you for reading! And if you review, thanks for taking the time to do so, it is appreciated.

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><p>Arriving at OSP, Deeks climbed the stairs up to Ops two at a time, Sam close on his heels. He peeled off the windbreaker as he went, shivering slightly as he walked into Ops and the air, kept cool in order to counteract the radiating heat generated by the computers, made his damp clothes chilly against this skin.<p>

Deeks ran his hands through his wet hair, surveying the scene in Ops, taking stock of Hetty and Callen, heads bowed together, while Eric was standing in front of the large monitor, working furiously with his pad in hand. Callen had one hand resting on the center console, his anxiously tapping fingers the only sign of his distress. Hetty's arms were crossed and her spine ramrod straight. Bypassing them, Deeks went around to Eric, laying a hand on his shoulder.

Eric turned to him quickly and Deeks felt his heart nearly stall at the tight lines around his mouth and at how the outright worry and fear practically erupting from Eric's eyes. Their eyes met, blue to green, and in that brief second they shared a burden neither wanted to name but both understood.

"What have you got?" Deeks asked, trying to keep his voice calm when all he wanted to do was hurriedly demand. He knew it wouldn't help to react irrationally. Eric knew the stakes as well as he did.

Eric turned to his pad, punching a few buttons until grainy security video of a parking garage appeared on screen. The angle was bad, obscuring some of the movement, but Deeks watched as an unmarked white van pulled up near Kensi and four men got out. Kensi tried to stop two of them, was pulled away by a third man and then tried to take down or at least stall the third and fourth men. He wondered why until a few seconds later when the first pair returned, carrying and dragging Rachel between them.

Rachel struggled desperately but a painful punch to her face immediately quieted her. Deeks winced at the sight, his heart plummeting at the obvious proof that Kensi's co-worker and friend had become collateral damage. He knew they were close. Or at least as close as they could be considering Kensi's undercover.

The men subdued Kensi with sheer force as well as punches to her face and kicks to her side and back that had him suddenly breathing deeply in his attempt to calm down and not put a hole in the wall. Seeing her hurt was bad enough. But watching when she didn't get up tore at him. She'd endured worse, he knew. But he could still barely stomach the sight of her subjected to such brutality.

"Did you get anything on the van off the security footage?" Deeks asked.

Eric shook his head. "I couldn't get the plate from the camera; the resolution wasn't good enough and the garage too dark. Of the traffic cameras half of them are down because of the storm. And the others didn't catch anything. Kaleidoscope is looking but an unmarked white van is a difficult target. We did get this footage from an ATM machine a few blocks from the law offices, taken about five minutes before the footage in the garage."

Deeks watched Eric closely, seeing him swallow with difficulty. Eric's hands shook a little as he hit the buttons to bring up the footage and Deeks saw why a few seconds later when a car collided with light pole after the same white van ran it off the road. Two men surrounded the driver's side, trying to force the door open, then pulling the driver through the broken window when it didn't immediately give. Deeks cursed out loud when he realized it was Nell being manhandled and thrown in the back of the van.

"The last word we got from Nell was as she left the law firm. She'd made contact with Kensi and was on her way back with Kensi following behind. Kensi was worried that the robbery was happening and someone might be after her," Eric explained unhappily. Despite the heart stopping evidence of Nell, Kensi, and Rachel hurt he felt a brief surge of pride. Kensi had put the pieces together before anyone else even realized what was happening. She was one of the smartest women he knew and he reminded himself of that to try and push some of his worry down. She was smart enough to find a way out of any bad situation.

His thoughts returning to the afternoon's events, he scrubbed his hands over his face, feeling the fear and anger threatening to explode in his chest. Kensi, Nell, and Rachel. All taken. All handled roughly and in danger. And he hadn't been there to prevent it. He knew the thought was irrational. He'd been playing his part, doing his job and robbing a bank. He seethed with the bitter thought.

"It's not your fault, Deeks," Callen said, as if he was reading the blame and horror on Deeks' face. Deeks shook his head resolutely, shoving his hands in his pockets to try and hide the tremor he felt beginning to shake his body. He fought back the cold and shock. He didn't have time for it now.

"We don't know that. Something went wrong. And part of it has to do with Corporal Dale Johnson. Eric, did you pull his file?" Deeks asked in an aside to Eric. Eric nodded, pulling up Johnson's Marine personnel record. Deeks stepped towards the screen, flitting through the pages quickly, looking for the family history on file. His eyes widened when what he expected to find wasn't there.

"He doesn't have a brother. He has to have a brother. That's what Derek Smith told me, that they're brothers. Eric, do you have Smith's file, the one from the FBI?"

Almost before the words were out of his mouth the file was up on the screen and Deeks scanned through it, again not finding the information he was looking for.

"Something's not right here," Deeks murmured, glancing at Eric. "We need to dig deeper. There's something still missing."

"I'll look closer at Derek Smith and Dale Johnson and see what I can find. Until we get something from Kaleidoscope or another signal from Kensi it's the only lead we have," Eric replied, turning back to the screens.

Deeks watched him with worried eyes, not thinking for the first time that this had to be a situation Eric never thought he'd be in, worrying for Nell's life. Nell was supposed to be safe. That was one of the few things Deeks had thought fairly certain. Though even Nell occasionally went on missions with them it was always when the risk to her safety was low and always with one of the field agents to back her up. Deeks had a feeling that Eric had never prepared himself for Nell being in danger. And Deeks didn't know the full depth of their relationship. He knew they had something between them. And he could easily imagine Eric's fear for Nell.

It was easy to imagine because he was living it. Kensi had always had something of a reckless streak. It was one thing about her that drove him crazy and that he loved. It had been what made her climb into a car wreck after him. And working the jobs they did, even though he didn't want to contemplate the possibility, he'd thought about Kensi seriously hurt or killed. He couldn't really imagine or accept the prospect of her gone. His brain would consider the cusp of the thought but would outright refuse to imagine the fallout of her dead. So in that he was unprepared to deal with the chance of losing her. It was denial in its strongest and most desperate form.

Maybe it wasn't healthy, but Deeks latched on to that denial. He thought it might be the only way he would be able to function. And he had to. Because whatever was going on, however Smith and Johnson's paths crossed and however the undercover had unraveled might be the key for figuring out where Kensi and the others were.

"What happened after Kensi's code came in?" Deeks asked.

"We immediately traced the call to a street a few blocks from where they were taken. The phone went completely dead and hasn't come back on," Callen replied grimly.

"What about what happened to Detective Benson? Hetty, you said he called this morning and that lured Nell to Kensi's office?" Deeks asked, turning to their boss. Hetty stopped forward, her face drawn tight in a somber frown.

"I got off the phone with the LAPD a few minutes before you and Mr. Hanna arrived, Mr. Deeks. Detective Benson's body was discovered in an empty warehouse in South Gate about an hour ago. He'd been tortured to death. His family is missing."

Deeks had to reach out a hand to steady himself against the center console. He closed his eyes, painfully aware of the rising death toll that seemed to be following in the wake of the day's events.

"So, someone took Benson's family and coerced him into calling us so we would send someone to Kensi. Did they intend for it to be Nell? How could they know we would send her?" Sam asked curiously.

Deeks shrugged. "I doubt they did. But they probably hoped that's what would happen. Smith told me he passed along the information about me and Kensi to the Contreras Cartel. They must have decided having as many hostages as possible was the best strategy. And Derek knew about Nell, probably from Jesse talking about her after the day she came to the beach."

"Where is the FBI at on raiding the offices the Contreras brothers have in Pasadena?" Callen asked impatiently. Hetty's eyes turned troubled and Deeks tensed.

"They went in and found nothing. The offices were minimally staffed and Santiago and Mateo Contreras are missing. The computers and files have been seized but thus far the FBI has turned up nothing that may help narrow down their whereabouts."

"I doubt they'll find any hard evidence. Even if Santiago and Mateo turn up the FBI doesn't have enough to hold them. Everything is conjecture until we can trace their access to the malware back to them," Deeks replied. Callen looked at him, surprise lifting his eyebrows.

"Hetty said Smith revealed he had Kensi in the middle of the robbery. And you loaded the software anyway, knowing what he might do to Kensi?"

Deeks gritted his teeth until his jaw hurt against the warring anger in his chest at Callen's slightly incredulous words. Sometimes it felt like he was damned either way. If he did his job he was accused of not looking out for Kensi and if he didn't do his job it was because he was too blinded by his feelings for her. "The malware will work as intended. I knew I had to load it, even if it put Kensi in danger. Just like I'm counting on us being able to find her before they figure it out."

His words were fervent and he was grateful that Callen didn't press further, just nodded. But Deeks saw the shift in Callen's eyes, the grudging admiration chased immediately by understanding regret. He had a feeling Callen hadn't thought Deeks had it in him to make the impossible choice. Just as he had a feeling that Callen knew the guilt of making that choice.

"The malware is already working," Eric replied, checking his pad for information. "It's collecting the account data and it's just waiting for an outside source to access it."

"They won't be able to do that without contacting me," Deeks said grimly. He looked at Sam and Callen in turn. "That's why they let me go and kept Kensi and the others. Smith is going to use them as leverage but he wants me to keep the FBI away, at least long enough until he thinks he can escape. And he knows I'll give up the access information to ensure the hostages are safe."

"So it'll only be a matter of time before they contact you," Sam said, rubbing his chin with one hand. "In the meantime, we need more on what went down. They got to Benson. But how did they even know to go after him? And why couldn't we get a hold of Kensi all morning?"

Sam and Callen discussed possibilities while Deeks stared at the computer screen, feeling like the answer was staring at him in the face. Stepping forward, he began sifting through the case files on the screen, accessing Detective Benson's file with the LAPD first. He felt a regretful twinge as Benson's photo appeared on screen, feeling anger at what the man had endured, probably in hopes of saving his family. Pushing the emotion aside, Deeks drilled down into Benson's life, using some of the skills Eric had taught him to pull up his financial records.

"Nothing there, you were completely clean," Deeks muttered to himself, feeling relief that at least Benson didn't appear to have been dirty. He hadn't known the detective well, but he'd known him well enough that it would have been a blow to find out he was a traitor.

Deeks flipped through Benson's personnel record, his eyes skimming over his education and background. The listing for Benson's college education made him stop. And then the thought came crashing through his mind and he couldn't pull up the files fast enough. Eric saw his hurried movements and came over, looking at the files Deeks was pulling up, his eyebrows knit together in confusion.

"Joshua Scott? That's the guy at Kensi's work she asked me to look closer at."

Surprised, Deeks paused and looked at Eric. "She did? When?"

"A couple weeks ago. She said he seemed a little off. But I didn't find anything. He's spotless, except for a speeding ticket two years ago."

"And his financials?"

"Nothing outright suspicious. He's got a lot of mounting debt and makes a lot of money but that's not too abnormal these days. And he has a mountain of school loans," Eric replied, pulling up bank statements. Deeks examined them closely, feeling the twinge of suspicion pulling at his gut. He pointed at several of the last few months' worth of transactions.

"On the surface it could be nothing. But this is typical of a drug addict. Lots of money coming in, lots of moderately sized cash withdrawals but his actual net worth is small. Let me see that speeding ticket," Deeks ordered. Eric pulled up the file from the LAPD and Deeks skimmed over it, his eyes widening at the name of the ticketing officer.

"Son of a bitch," Deeks spat out, catching Callen's and Sam's attention. Both men came over, instantly attentive as Deeks tapped angrily at the screen. "The ticketing officer on this was John Malone. About a year ago he was convicted of selling information to the Hernandez Cartel. He's in Chino for passing along information on undercover cops and insider knowledge about raids and other actions. Juan Hernandez somehow managed to skate by with his organization mostly intact."

"One of the favors owed to Santiago Contreras is from Juan Hernandez," Sam supplied, folding his arms over his chest. "Contreras and Hernandez both deal in coke. They're not direct competitors and supposedly even work together on occasion. One of my contacts had a laundry list of the debts owed to and by the Contreras brothers. Juan Hernandez was on that list as owing a favor."

"So, what? How does that get us to Joshua Scott? And what does that have to do with Kensi?" Callen asked impatiently. Deeks shook his head firmly.

"I'm not sure, but I think it's all connected. It can't be a coincidence that the cop that pulled Joshua Scott over for a speeding ticket worked for Juan Hernandez, who owes a favor to Santiago Contreras. And that Scott knew Benson, who is now dead. I say we pick up Scott and shake him until we see what comes loose," Deeks said, his voice level while full of contained anger. He knew there was something sketchy about Scott and that he was connected to what had happened to Kensi.

"Mr. Callen, Mr. Deeks, go question Mr. Scott. Mr. Hanna, check your contacts for further information on Juan Hernandez. Mr. Beale will continue delving into the records of Derek Smith and Dale Johnson to see what else we can find."

Hetty's words left no room for argument and the three men nodded quickly, moving to leave the room. Deeks gave Eric one last concerned look before leaving, sensing that Eric was barely holding on to the thread of sanity provided by keeping busy.

After stopping at his locker for a change of clothes, Deeks also picked up his gun and badge before joining Callen in the bullpen. A quick and wordless nod and he followed Callen outside and back into the storm and to Callen's Mercedes. The drive to the law offices of Anderson, Evans, & Johnson was mostly quiet, Deeks trying not to fidget and Callen concentrating on driving.

"You did the right thing."

Deeks sighed, knowing without asking what Callen was referring to. And while a part of him knew it was Callen's way of offering his respect, this was one area he really didn't want to feel as though he'd done the right thing. Not when everything in him that cared about Kensi and worried for her safety was telling him otherwise. He knew it was a sick kind of self-flagellation, but he almost needed to punish himself for doing his job.

"Logically I know you're right. But I still feel like I've betrayed her somehow. Like I've left her twisting in the wind. I always said I would have her back. Always. And right now I can't do that," Deeks replied, allowing some of his self-loathing to layer his voice.

Callen was silent for a moment and Deeks almost took his silence as agreement. Agreement that he'd let his partner down. But when Callen finally spoke, it was with a quiet voice Deeks was unaccustomed to hearing. "I would do almost anything for Kensi, she knows all she needs to do is ask. But you, she doesn't have to ask. You just know what to do when she needs it. And if any of us, if Sam or I, tried to take care of her how you do, we'd get our heads ripped off. With you she accepts it, even expects it. She'll know you did the right thing by her and she wouldn't hold it against you. And she knows you're doing everything to find her. And Deeks? Don't for a second think Kensi can't take care of herself."

Deeks allowed himself to nod at the complete certainty in Callen's voice. And he tried to take some comfort in the words, even if his internal self-doubt practically screamed at him otherwise. He did have to believe Kensi could take care of herself. That was the only way he could hold himself together.

Having something to focus on was a substitute for worrying. They arrived at the law offices of Anderson, Evans, & Johnson to find the front office in chaos. A pair of police officers were taking statements, presumably trying to piece together what had happened to the two missing staff members. Flashing his badge, Deeks got one of the officers to allow them through. A quick inquiry of a staff member and they were walking through the office towards Joshua Scott's private office.

The office door was closed but Deeks saw through the glass that Scott was on the phone, everything about his twitching posture and the light sheen of sweat on his face betraying his nervousness. Not bothering to knock, Deeks barged through the office door.

Recognizing Deeks, Josh's eyes widened almost comically as he took in the calm anger on Deeks' face, his eyes falling on the LAPD shield clipped to his belt. The anxious flush on Josh's face faded almost instantly as the blood drained away in shock. He hung up his phone quickly, spreading his hands wide.

"You're a cop? What's going on? Who are you?"

"Agent Callen, NCIS. Detective Marty Deeks, LAPD. We need to ask you some questions," Callen said shortly. Deeks ground his teeth together, reining in his impulse to shove Scott against the wall and demand he tell them everything he knew about what had happened to Kensi, Nell, and Rachel.

"Look, I don't know anything. I wasn't even there when Kensi and Rachel ran out. I think you've got the wrong guy—"

Deeks narrowed his eyes, thinking about what Kensi had told him about how Josh had hit on her, even made her feel uncomfortable at times. And he recalled the defensive posturing Josh had adopted the day he'd come to take Kensi to lunch. The controlled confidence he'd shown that day was gone, replaced by a man clearly on the edge. Deeks knew it was risky to prolong the conversation with Josh. He was a lawyer and he could stall them. Unless they took a more drastic tactic for getting information from him.

Josh stood up and took a slight step to the side, trying to put distance between himself and Callen and Deeks. Deeks could practically smell the guilt and fear pouring from Josh and the calculated side step made something in Deeks snap. In a second he'd grabbed Josh's arm, turning him around and twisting it behind his back and up, Deeks' other hand going behind his neck to roughly push him over at the waist so Josh's chest and head slammed against the desk. Deeks held him there with a firm grip on his neck, twisting Josh's arm up further and eliciting a cry of pain from the lawyer.

"Deeks—"

"Listen, you drug addicted stalker: I know you were involved in what happened to Kensi and Rachel. This can go easy for you or it can be very, very hard. Tell us about your connection to Juan Hernandez or you'll make my crappy day so much better because I'll put a bullet in your leg," Deeks ground out, feeling his anger lashing out as Josh weakly struggled against him. He wanted Josh to resist, wanted the excuse to inflict some pain.

"Deeks, let him go," Callen's voice was unyielding and strong, his hand on Deeks' shoulder finally registering. "Let him go."

Deeks wanted to shake the request and Callen's hand away but he found Callen's words had the intended reaction. They brought him back to himself, caused him to feel the resistance in the man he had pinned to the desk. And in an instant Deeks released him, stepping back with a deep breath. Joshua Scott might be scum of the earth. But that didn't mean Deeks had to risk his own career to force information out of him.

Josh gasped in pain and collapsed back into his chair, his face mottled white and red and his eyes widely dilated. Deeks leaned in closer, letting his gaze drift over him quickly and taking in Josh's almost vibrating body and how he sniffed quickly against a runny nose. Confirmation lit like a flame in the dark.

"You've been using. Cocaine, maybe thirty minutes ago?" Josh's eyes widened further, his restlessness and anxiety the answer to Deeks' question. "What happened? How are you connected to the Contreras brothers or Juan Hernandez?"

Deeks thought for several long seconds that Josh was going to clam up and refuse to talk. But instead of his features settling into a resistant wall, the man virtually crumbled in front of them.

"I didn't think it was a big deal. I got pulled over speeding a couple years ago. The cop who pulled me over found some coke in the car. There was enough it would have been possession with intent to sell. I thought I was done for. But instead of arresting me he offered me a deal," Josh began, his voice barely a whisper.

"The cop was John Malone," Deeks stated, knowing what the records said, but needing the confirmation. Josh nodded, shaky hands running through his messy blonde hair.

"He told me he'd let me go with just the speeding ticket, and that he could hook me up with an easy source for coke. A few days later he took me to meet Juan Hernandez. I was able to get cheaper coke from Hernandez and Malone took care of my traffic stop. I occasionally got a call from Hernandez to work on legal stuff for him, all off the books. But that was it up until a few days ago."

"What happened a few days ago? What changed?" Callen demanded, crossing his arms over his chest impatiently.

"Hernandez called me asking about Kensi. He wanted to know when she started working there, what her personnel record looked like, everything. So I told him that she'd been placed as a favor to Matt and she'd only been there a little over a month even though her records said otherwise."

Deeks' eyes widened and he resisted the urge to grab Josh around the neck. "You told Juan Hernandez that Kensi was placed here by the LAPD? You gave him Detective Benson's name?"

"I didn't think it mattered. I always figured Kensi was just some girl hiding out from some family or job trouble or something. Matt has always been the type to help damsels in distress. I figured he was just lending her a hand," Josh said desperately, trying to convince them with the note of pleading in his voice. Deeks only heard weakness and cowardice.

"Then what?" Callen pushed on, sensing the hesitation in Josh's voice that Deeks had almost been too blinded by anger to hear. There was still more to the story.

"This morning I got another call. I was told to keep Kensi busy and away from her desk and phone all morning. When she was away talking with Rachel for a few minutes I took her cell phone."

Callen traded a glance with Deeks, both men putting the pieces together simultaneously. The Contreras brothers had found out Deeks was a cop. They needed him to stay on task as their computer hacker during the robbery so they couldn't kill him outright. But they also needed leverage after the robbery to make sure things ran smooth. Kensi was the perfect collateral to hold over him. But they could have just snatched Kensi off the street.

Deeks was wondering why they hadn't just done that, why they hadn't just taken Kensi outright, when Callen's phone rang. Callen stepped to the side, speaking in hushed tones for several minutes while Deeks watched Josh sweat. Deeks stayed completely silent, but kept his eyes trained on Josh the whole time. As long as Josh was nervous and strung out from the cocaine he was likely to keep talking. And Deeks wanted to keep the pressure on until they had all the information they needed.

Callen hung up the phone and turned back to Deeks, his mouth tight as he murmured in a low voice to Deeks. "Sam got one of Hernandez's men to talk off the record. Mateo Contreras called Juan Hernandez a few days ago and wanted to know if he had a man inside Anderson, Evans, & Johnson. And when Contreras found out about Josh he called in his favor and told Hernandez to find out everything he could about Kensi."

"So that's how Mateo Contreras found out about Benson's part in the undercover. Contreras took Benson and used his family to get him to explain Kensi's true identity?" Deeks suggested.

Callen nodded grimly. "And probably also revealed the connection to NCIS."

Deeks cringed at the thought, knowing how important it was to keep all their identities hidden. But he couldn't blame Benson. Not for trying to save his family. And he'd still paid an irreversible cost.

"That was probably too much for Mateo Contreras to resist. Capturing a Federal agent and DoD employees involved in national security? Way too tempting for that kind of guy," Deeks muttered angrily, thinking back to his worrisome first impressions of Santiago Contreras' younger brother. Another thought had his heart jerk in cold worry, his eyes flying to Callen's. "He doesn't intend to let them go. Not alive. Why else would he allow any known connection to him or his brother?"

Callen shook his head to try and dispel some of Deeks' concern. "We don't know that. Contreras sent his men to do his dirty work and if Santiago and Mateo are smart they won't allow themselves to actually be seen by Kensi, Nell, and Rachel. As long as they can't be eyewitnesses he doesn't have to kill them. And as long as they still need you to do something for them their safety is secure."

Deeks nodded quickly, wishing he could allow Callen's words to be the comfort the other man intended. Callen jerked his head towards Josh. "I think we've gotten everything useful out of him. What do you want to do?"

Callen's eyes were measured, the implication clear as Deeks met his gaze. He was allowing Deeks to decide what fate Josh would have. And the answering support in Callen's set face, his absolute confirmation that he would back Deeks up, would have made Deeks feel warm and accepted if he wasn't fully consumed with wanting to find Kensi. Deeks pulled out his handcuffs, going over to Josh and locking him to the supporting post under the desk.

"We let the cops take him in. Come on, let's get back to OSP and see what else Eric might have been able to find," Deeks replied, his voice firm and decided. Callen nodded in agreement and they left Josh without another backwards glance.

Separating from Callen briefly while the senior agent went to the front of the office to explain to the officers there that they had a handcuffed lawyer to arrest, Deeks walked to Kensi's desk, finding it easily by memory from his one visit there. He let his eyes sweep over the desk quickly, not seeing much that told him it was her working area. It was a little cluttered but lacked the distinct character of her desk in the bullpen. He was about to leave when his eyes fell on the picture frame on the desk, the photo of the two of them at the beach.

Feeling a hard lump in his throat, Deeks reached for the frame, picking it up and unable to tear his eyes away from the happy and content smile on Kensi's face in the photo. He allowed himself a few seconds of overbearing worry for her, then pushed the emotions aside. Flipping the frame over, he popped out the back and took the photo, slipping it into his pocket. He told himself he would give it back to Kensi when he found her.

Rejoining Callen, Deeks followed him to the car and they drove back to OSP through the still raging storm. Deeks watched the sideways rain as it lashed at palm trees and the wind gusts as they pulled at hanging traffic lights and swung signs and light fixtures at near-impossible angles. Vehicle traffic was mercifully light, most people realizing it was better to stay indoors in the near hurricane conditions.

They arrived back at OSP right on Sam's heels, all three men immediately climbing the stairs to Ops. As Sam and Callen conferred quietly to themselves, Deeks watched as Eric sat at his terminal, his fingers flying over the keyboard and his entire body bent forward in concentration on his screen. Hetty was on the phone but when she hung up Eric immediately turned in his chair as if he'd been just waiting for her to finish. They exchanged a silent nod and then Eric looked at Deeks, his eyes swimming with grim confirmation. Of what, Deeks didn't know. But he was immediately curious about whatever it was.

Straightened to his full height, Deeks crossed his arms over his chest and nodded to Eric. "What did you find?"

Even through his visible worry, Deeks could see the triumph in Eric's eyes. Whatever he'd found, it was something important.

"Derek Smith doesn't exist. At least, not this Derek Smith," Eric pronounced, gesturing to the FBI's file on Derek Smith. Shocked and unable to respond, Deeks had to widen his stance to keep from leaning back against the console. He didn't want to be relaxed, he wanted to be alert and completely tuned into whatever mystery about the undercover would be revealed next.

"How is that even possible? Are you saying Derek Smith's records are fake? How did the FBI not pick up on that?" Deeks asked, incredulous. Eric shook his head regretfully.

"Because they're really, really good fakes. I'm not surprised they didn't pick up on them. I didn't even see it until I looked really close and drilled down into his background going back more than five years. And we had no reason to do that when we got the records from the FBI," Eric said, though his tone clearly said he blamed himself for not seeing it sooner. Deeks shook his head to dismiss the guilt. Hindsight was great when you knew all the facts. But there was no way Eric could have known what needle to look for in a haystack within a virtual field full of haystacks.

"So who is he?" Sam asked, his dark eyes glittering in the dim lighting of Ops. Eric held up a hand.

"First, let me tell you what I found on Dale Johnson. It's true he doesn't have a biological brother. But Johnson grew up in a series of foster homes. At thirteen he was placed with a family alongside another teenager named Chad Keating. They spent their last five years together in that foster home until they aged out of the system. Johnson joined the Marines, Keating joined the Navy."

"So, Chad Keating is Derek Smith? How did we not pick up on that when we ran Derek Smith through our system? Facial recognition should have matched him to his Navy service record," Callen insisted.

"I'm getting to that. We know Dale Johnson's records, and that he served the last two years in prison for his part in the Daniel Zuna case. But he traded an early release for insider information on his cellmate and that's why he was let go before his ten year sentence was up."

"Who at JAG made that deal?" Callen asked angrily. Hetty came around from the rear of the room, her hands clasped in front of her, her mouth set in a serious line.

"It was part of a much bigger conspiracy. Former Corporal Johnson did have valuable information that resulted in the resolution of a number of unsolved cases," Hetty replied calmly. Callen shot her a steely gaze in return.

"It sounds like a deal with the devil that backfired."

"Hindsight, Mr. Callen." Hetty simply offered in return, in that shorthand that seemed to occasionally flow so naturally between her and Callen. Callen finally sighed and nodded, gesturing to Eric to continue.

"Back to Chad Keating," Eric said, hitting a few buttons to pull up scans of paper files.

Deeks was instantly confused. The records looked like something leftover from the Cold War. Everything with the Navy and Marine Corps was digitized now. The only records they ever saw from paper were decades old. And that certainly shouldn't have been the case with a sailor who served in the last ten years.

As if anticipating the question, Eric gestured to the image on screen. "This is the only record that exists for Chad Keating. He was a Petty Officer 3rd Class, moving his way up the ranks when he was suspected of stealing intelligence. The Navy had trained him as a low-level security analyst and software programmer but apparently he'd picked up on more than his superiors realized. His commanding officer started to notice some suspicious behavior and even called NCIS in to investigate."

Eric punched a few more buttons and a police report from the Jacksonville, Florida Police Department. Deeks skimmed the report quickly, his eyes turning confused at the description of the sexual assault of a woman from five years earlier. Anticipating the question, Eric gestured at the screen.

"This is Laney Porter, a twenty-two year old woman who identified a man fitting Chad Keating's description as her rapist. The Jacksonville PD was moving to arrest Keating and NCIS was also closing in on him when he disappeared. Completely and utterly off the map," Eric said grimly, pulling the scanned paper file back to the screen in front of them. "In his wake he left a virus behind that destroyed several servers, corrupting massive amounts of data, including personnel records. There were several hundred personnel records, including the digitized photos, medical records and service history, that were completely wiped out by Keating's virus. Including his own records."

"So that's why only the paper copy exists? This is all that's left?" Deeks asked, astonished.

"And even this Hetty had to contact the main Naval personnel records office in DC for. It was only by finding Keating's name buried in Dale Johnson's history that we knew where to start looking. With that name the personnel office was able to pull his original enlistment papers and a few other early paper records. As far as the Navy goes Keating is virtually a ghost. There's just too much backlog of current recordkeeping for the Navy to go back and look to fill in the holes like Keating's missing personnel file," Eric finished, shrugging his shoulders, not having any easy answers.

"And Derek Smith?" Callen asked, bringing the events back to their current case. Eric pulled up several records, the sheer amount of life and history displayed on the screens impressively convincing.

"One of Keating's gifts seems to be creating a false identity. He seems to possess a fair amount of skill at computer programming and hacking. It's the only way to explain how he was able to insinuate his fake records into the real databases out there."

Deeks stopped Eric, feeling his concern grow with each passing second. "Eric, would he be able to read your malware programming? He looked at what I loaded when we were at the bank and didn't seem to react. But he has the laptop now. What if he starts poking around?"

Eric's eyebrows knit together with concern and he paused, letting his gaze rest on the photo of Derek Smith up on the screen. It worried Deeks that Eric was uncertain. In the world of computers Eric was the king. If he was having second thoughts then it only made Deeks' doubts deepen.

"It's possible he could read it. But unlikely. They wouldn't have come looking for a computer programmer if Smith could do the work. I think he's good at certain things, like identity theft and some levels of hacking. But the higher programming for modifying intricate software systems is beyond his skill set." Eric sighed heavily. "At least I hope it is."

"So what's the FBI say about all this?" Sam asked gruffly, turning to Hetty.

"The FBI wants to take the lead on the case." At the rapid and forceful objections from all four men in the room Hetty held up a hand to silence them. "Of course I told them to bugger off. The LAPD is more than happy to let us take point, especially in light of how Detective Benson may have been involved."

Deeks felt the anger swell and burn in his chest. He could just imagine the LAPD wanting to distance itself from Benson and how the detective may have contributed to the crumbling of the undercover. Deeks couldn't deny Benson had given up valuable information that had resulted in a bungled mission. But he also couldn't blame the man for the impossible choice he'd been forced to make.

"The FBI is fighting us on jurisdiction but in light of the involvement of both Dale Johnson and Smith/Keating in the robbery, and Keating's status as AWOL and accused of several serious crimes, we have control of the mission at the moment." Hetty's gaze slid to Deeks, a slightly strained smile lifting her lips a little. "It also helps that Mr. Deeks holds all the proverbial cards since the suspects are likely to contact him."

Deeks nodded wearily, part of him glad at least as everything was coming apart at the seams that he, Callen, and Sam would have some ability to control holding it together. And when they got a lead, they would go in first, rather than following the FBI. Scanning the room and looking in turn at four of the six people in the world he trusted with his life, it was the only small amount of comfort he could allow to register.

He was feeling dangerously tired, still tense with anxiety, and Deeks tried to sort through the massive amount of information they'd learned that afternoon. He thought about the bank robbery and everything Derek and Dale had said. He mentally sifted through Josh Scott's confession and Eric's various revelations. Something was still bothering him and he listened with only half an ear as Eric reviewed the different ways he was trying to track their various suspects.

Deeks remembered that in the bank and van Derek hadn't been concerned about him learning Dale Johnson was his brother. Derek had to know as soon as Deeks was free he would begin the search to figure out the connection to Johnson. He had to know that his carefully constructed identity as Derek Smith would be torn apart. And yet he'd allowed Deeks to be set free with the very information that could lead to his downfall.

_Why?_

Deeks stepped around Eric, reaching up to flip through the digital records, the movement of images allowing his eyes to skim and explore, permitting his mind to wander and search for the elusive answer. It had to be important. Loose ends were not something a calculating man like Derek would intentionally allow. He'd designed a complicated virus with the sole purpose of eliminating loose ends. And Kensi, Rachel, and Nell were now loose ends.

"Deeks. What are you thinking?" Sam's question was both blunt and concerned. Deeks turned to look at Sam, suddenly grateful he'd pulled him from his thoughts before they spiraled down in the dark direction they'd been heading. He could try and reign in those destructive impulses as long as someone helped pull him back.

"He let me go for a reason. He thinks I can get him what he wants: access to the account information and holding back the FBI. And he's going to hold Kensi, Rachel, and Nell as long as he still needs that from me. But he'll know we'll have figured out who he is. His life as Derek Smith is over. He can't be either Smith or Chad Keating. And Dale Johnson will have to disappear too. He has to have some kind of exit plan to disappear," Deeks suggested, bracing his arms on the center console, Sam and Callen flanking him on both sides.

"So it's a waiting game now. We have to wait for a lead on the vans. Or we have to wait for him to contact you about access to the account information but we also can't wait until then to track him down—"

"Because as soon as he has that information he has no reason to keep his hostages alive," Sam finished for Callen, both men sharing a heavy glance before they turned their eyes to Deeks. For his part, Deeks tried not to fidget under the combined worried weight of their gazes. He knew they thought, maybe even expected, that he wouldn't be able to function with the knowledge that Kensi's life hung in the balance.

He wasn't even completely convinced himself that he could really handle the burden of that fear. But Deeks was determined to prove them, and himself, wrong. He would do whatever he had to in order to bring Kensi back safely. There would be time to fall apart later, once he had Kensi back in his arms and could feel her soft hair under his hands, her lips warmly pressed against his, her heart beating against his chest as he held her close. Only then would he let himself think about how he'd almost lost her. Because he couldn't allow himself to consider that he could lose her.

"So we wait," Hetty said quietly, coming up to the console opposite Deeks. Deeks struggled with a deep breath, seeing the troubled light in Hetty's eyes. She didn't like the prospect of waiting anymore than they did. "Mr. Deeks, I suggest you lie down and get some rest. We don't know when a lead will come in but you need to be coherent enough to respond."

"Hetty, there'll be time to sleep later. My partner is out there—"

"I will not argue with you, Mr. Deeks. And I think you know that Ms. Blye would not want you to run yourself into the ground. You will rest. Or I will send you home."

His heart lurched at her words. _Home. _ There was no home for him without Kensi. But no matter how much he wanted to argue with her, Hetty was right. And Deeks knew as sure and strong as the next sunrise that Kensi was the strongest woman he knew. And she was a survivor. She just had to survive long enough for them to find her.

Deeks wanted to argue, every cell in his body objecting to the idea of rest even while crying out for it. He knew he was exhausted but he couldn't imagine allowing any kind of quiet and sleep to overtake him. But he could tell by the serious set of Hetty's eyes and the implication behind her words that if he didn't rest and a lead did come in that she might not allow him to pursue it if he wasn't physically up to the task. It frustrated and reassured him how Hetty was both protecting him and her team, as well as pushing against his stubborn tendencies.

Finally nodding and agreeing to try and sleep, Deeks left Ops and headed back down to the bullpen, intending to sack out on the couch for a few hours. He glanced out the window, seeing the sky beginning to darken as the afternoon waned towards night. The rain still pelted the windows, angry with forceful and howling wind.

As he passed by Kensi's desk Deeks heard a phone ringing. The sound seemed to be coming from Kensi's desk drawer and Deeks reached to pull it open, finding Kensi's NCIS-issued cell phone inside. He glanced at the caller ID, noting the call was coming from San Diego. Realizing it could only be one of three possible people and thinking of what had happened last time the Keppingers hadn't been able to get a hold of Kensi, Deeks answered the phone.

"Kensi?"

"Sorry, Cody, no. It's Deeks."

Cody's slightly worried voice shifted to relieved. "Deeks. Hey, man, what's going on? I was just going to leave a message on Kensi's phone. I figured you guys would still be undercover since it's been less than a week since she went back."

Deeks cleared his throat, making the quick decision not to tell Cody that Kensi might be in danger. Maybe Kensi's surrogate family should know and maybe they deserved to know. But with Diane's health he didn't want to add to their burden. And Kensi wouldn't have wanted that either.

"We're in the middle of a break on the case. How's Diane doing?" Deeks asked, not wanting to expand on Kensi's whereabouts.

"Mom's doing much better. The doctors are impressed with how she's improving." Cody paused, then shifted back to the conversation topic Deeks most wanted to avoid. "Where's Kensi? Can I talk to her?"

"Kensi's not available right now." Deeks cursed himself for formality in his voice and doggedly pushed on. At least Cody didn't know him well enough to pick up on how unusual his tone was. "I'll let her know you called. I'm sure she'll be thrilled to hear Diane is doing so well."

"Deeks, stop trying to bullshit me. What's going on? What's happened to Kensi?" Cody replied, his voice insistent. Deeks sighed, realizing either he was more transparent than he thought or Cody was just very perceptive.

Deeks wavered then, there were all sorts of protocols that said he couldn't share information on what might have happened to Kensi. He suddenly didn't care about any of that.

"Kensi's missing. It's a long story, but she was taken by some of our suspects in the case."

Cody exhaled a deep and troubled breath. "Do they know she's a Federal agent?"

"Yeah, they do."

"Do you have something they need?" Cody pressed on.

"I do, yes."

"That's good. They'll keep her alive as long as that's the case." The certainty in Cody's voice might have surprised Deeks but he remembered that Kensi had told him Cody worked with the Marine Special Operations Command. Hostage negotiation would have been a part of his training.

"It's not just Kensi. There's another co-worker of ours and a civilian who were taken."

"I know it probably doesn't seem this way, but that's actually a good sign. The more hostages the more likely it is they might be wanting to keep their options open for negotiating." Cody paused, a trace of anger creeping into his voice. "Do I even want to know how all this happened?"

"I doubt it," Deeks replied, trying not to sound as guilty as he felt. There wasn't much more blame others could heap on top of him that he wasn't already feeling as self imposed regret.

Cody was quiet on the phone and although Deeks didn't know the man well, he suspected the Marine was trying to decide how angry and protective he should be. Kensi was like a sister to him and it was natural for him to worry when her safety was in danger.

"Look, I know NCIS has their own way of handling things. But I'm only a phone call away. If there's anything I can do to help, call me. I'm a good man to have in a firefight and Kensi's my family," Cody said bluntly. Deeks tried not to react defensively to Cody's tone. He wanted to argue that Kensi might very well be Cody's family, but she was his family too. He rubbed his eyes, knowing his reactions weren't rational. Besides, he and Cody were on the same side. They both loved Kensi.

"I'll keep that in mind. I'll let you know as soon as I hear something," Deeks promised, hoping that would be when they'd found Kensi and had her back safe and unharmed.

Deeks hung up with Cody, then pocketed Kensi's cell phone in his jeans. He was carrying three cell phones now: the phone Smith had tossed to him, his NCIS-issued phone, and Kensi's. All had possible connections to Kensi and collapsing back on the couch, Deeks tried not to dwell on those links, pointless until someone somewhere made contact.

He could only hope that maybe Kensi would get free and call him. He feared the phone from Smith ringing before they were prepared to go in after Kensi, Nell, and Rachel. Deeks hoped that before that happened Eric might track down where they were. Going in blind wasn't a good option but they would do it if the opportunity arose.

Although he closed his eyes, Deeks' mind swam with disjointed and increasingly desperate thoughts. It was only in her absence that Deeks realized what a stabilizing force Kensi was on him. He knew he could function, knew he could move forward and do his job. He'd proven that during the bank robbery when he'd put aside the crippling desire to protect Kensi and had intentionally loaded the software that would actually put her in more danger. Even though he could see her face, could imagine her reassurance that he'd done the right thing, he wasn't sure he would be able to forgive himself if he didn't see her again.

Exhaustion finally won out and Deeks drifted off into a fitful sleep. There would be no true rest for him. Not as long as he couldn't reassure himself that Kensi was safe.


	25. Chapter 25

******Please see previous chapters for overall disclaimer, rating, summary, spoilers, etc.** NOTE:**** Beginning in Chapter 16 this story is rated M. This chapter has some brief language and violent situations but even that's more in the T category here.**  
><strong><strong>Note: <strong>****Thank you to anyone who reads, reviews, alerts, favorites, or sends a message. Your interest is truly appreciated and saying "thank you" doesn't quite seem like enough. And I know stories that involve OCs are sometimes not the easiest to swallow. But it has completely gone beyond my expectations how the original characters in this story, and specifically Jesse, Cody, and Rachel, have resonated with some of you. It's more than I could have wished for and I hope what I have planned for them won't disappoint. Things are still on track for three more chapters and an epilogue after this chapter. And every writer should be as lucky as I am to have as fantastic a beta as I do, **MioneAlterEgo, **who always manages to give me great feedback, point out places that need work, and is always willing to gush about Deeks, whether in this story, her stories (Go read them!), or on the show.

Thank you for reading! And if you feel inclined to review, thanks for taking the time! I hope you enjoy this, the roller coaster that began with the bank robbery just continues . . .

* * *

><p>Cold and pain were the first things Kensi sensed as she began to wake up. Her entire left side was freezing from where the rough concrete floor sapped away any body heat she had. And the pain in her back and the left side of her face had moved from the sharpness of the newly acquired to a dull and throbbing ache of several hours old. Kensi opened her eyes slowly, wondering how long she'd been out.<p>

The room where she was didn't tell her much. It was dim and windowless, a dull florescent bulb the only light in the room. Her hands were still tied behind her back but mercifully her legs were free. Kensi twisted and struggled to sit up, taking deep breaths against the pain that shot through her body at the movement.

"Kensi, you're awake," Nell's voice, relieved while tinged with worry, came from her left. Kensi turned to find Rachel and Nell, seated next to each other on the floor, similarly bound. She glanced over them quickly, assessing that while Nell looked as though she'd sustained some painful injuries to her face, they both seemed relatively unharmed. Rachel's green eyes were wide with fear and exhaustion, the fading adrenaline fighting the shock of their situation. Nell looked scared but she was carefully tucking her concern away, focusing on what needed to be done.

Kensi nodded quickly, moving to sit near them so they could talk quietly. The room had a door that was no doubt locked but Kensi could still hear muffled voices and movement outside the room.

"What's going on? How long was I out?" Kensi asked Nell. Nell's eyes shifted nervously to the door, plainly concerned about keeping their presence as innocuous as possible.

"I think it's been about two hours. After they knocked you out we drove for about thirty minutes to this warehouse. I never saw outside so I don't know where we are. Once we arrived the men who took us put us in this room. I haven't seen anyone else," Nell reported, automatically knowing the situational information Kensi would ask about.

"How did they get you?" Kensi asked Nell, knowing the situation had long passed, but still wanting to try and put together the full picture of what had happened that afternoon.

Nell sighed, glancing down before she met Kensi's eyes again. "I called in right before I left and told Eric I was on my way and that you were following. And I passed on your hunch that the robbery was underway. But as I was driving down the road a white van veered in front of me and I was forced off the road. They pulled me from the car and I was too out of it to do anything."

Kensi watched Nell, easily realizing the younger woman was blaming herself for what had happened. When she spoke Kensi kept her voice firm and full of certainty.

"Nell, you did everything you could. There are bigger things happening than any of us could have anticipated. Getting the message to OSP was important, don't forget that. At least they'll know to start looking for us."

Nell's eyes were still troubled but she nodded slowly. Kensi gave her a small smile and then she looked around the room, assessing their situation rationally. They hadn't been killed, just put behind a locked door. Somebody still needed them for something. Her mind instantly flew to Deeks, wondering if whatever it was had to do with him.

"The robbery went off. I heard that much through the door. It's just been a jumble of voices but not long after we got here another group of men arrived. There was some arguing about what happened during the robbery, but I heard enough to figure out that they let Deeks go," Nell replied. Kensi's head shot up, confusion and relief warring emotions that left her unsettled. The relief made tears prick her eyes and she blinked them away.

"Thank God," Kensi murmured. "But why would they let him go?"

Nell paused, worry clouding her eyes. "I think Derek Smith has something planned for him. His voice was pretty loud and I heard enough to figure out what he was saying. He seems to have some kind of vendetta against Deeks. And I thought I heard him arguing with another man that Deeks is still useful to them, that he can keep the FBI away as long as they have us to bargain with."

"Derek has never liked Marty, but I never thought it was anything but general dislike," Kensi replied thoughtfully. There were still pieces to the puzzle of what had happened that day that she didn't know. It was maddeningly frustrating.

Kensi was still considering all the possibilities when Rachel's quiet sniffling caught her attention. She looked over at her friend, her heart lurching at the silent tears streaming down her face, Rachel's green eyes blinking rapidly as she struggled to hold herself together. Kensi hated that Rachel had been pulled into the mess, knowing she was completely unprepared for the trauma she'd already experienced. Kensi resolved in that moment that she would do everything she could so that Rachel wouldn't be further harmed.

"Rachel, are you okay? Did they hurt you?" Kensi asked quietly. Her voice shook Rachel free of her thoughts and she looked at Kensi, her face confused.

"No, they didn't hurt me. I'm fine. What's going on?" Rachel asked, her voice shaking. Kensi looked at Nell, who shrugged.

"I told her we work for NCIS and that you were undercover but that was it. I didn't think we should get into it until you woke up," Nell explained. Rachel's eyes were fixed on Kensi, full of curious expectation.

Kensi sighed, overwhelmed at the sheer amount of information to tell Rachel. She probably should have thought about clearances and only what Rachel needed to know instead of telling her everything. But considering Rachel had been unwillingly made a hostage Kensi decided to ignore protocol.

In hushed tones she explained that Deeks was an undercover cop. She told Rachel about the initial mission to infiltrate a gang of bank robbers. She described how she'd been placed at the law firm so she would have the appearance of a regular job and a regular life as Marty Tyler's girlfriend. Kensi saw the shift in Rachel's eyes as she understood. And as she comprehended the deception.

"So it was all just a cover? You started working there just to pretend?" Rachel asked quietly. Kensi heard the hurt in her voice at the charade and she thought about lying to spare Rachel's feelings. Lies were easy and even comforting. The truth was usually harder. But she sighed, knowing that Rachel deserved the truth.

"At first it was, yes. I was undercover to back Marty up and to give him more of the perception of a life and background. I didn't want to lie to you, Rachel. But sometimes it's a part of my job," Kensi said, wishing there was a less flimsy excuse she could give. As a necessary evil of her job it was a perfectly valid reason. But even knowing that Kensi couldn't justify lying, not even to herself.

Rachel was quiet for a moment, her eyes thoughtful as she looked at Kensi. When she finally spoke the hurt was gone, replaced by open curiosity. "Will you answer me two things? Was our friendship real? And is your relationship with Marty real?"

Kensi took a deep breath at the questions, things she wasn't sure she wanted to reveal. But she couldn't deny that she did think of Rachel as a friend. And friends were something Kensi hadn't had much of in her adult life. What little she did know about true friendships, or at least the kinds of friendships she'd long wished she had, was that you shouldn't lie to your friends.

"Our friendship was real. At least it was real to me. And yes, my relationship with Marty is real," Kensi finished, refusing to look at Nell when she uttered the last sentence. She had no illusions; Nell probably suspected the truth. But knowing it was something else altogether.

Despite their precarious situation, the dank room, their assorted cuts, bruises and torn clothing, and the zip ties making them virtually powerless, Rachel gave her a wide and tremulous smile. Kensi found herself smiling back, the impulse entirely instinctive.

"That's what I thought. I knew that had to be true. I'm glad at least I wasn't wrong about those things," Rachel replied, clearly relieved. Kensi blinked, trying to follow along with Rachel's reasoning.

"You're not mad?"

Rachel shook her head slowly but with certainty. "No, not at you. I can't even imagine everything that you've gone through, having to live this crazy double life. I might be mad if you'd pretended to be my friend. And I saw how you felt about Marty. As long as that's true then I know you're not lying about the rest. And I know you had good reasons for what you did."

Kensi was nearly dumbfounded at the absolute faith in Rachel's voice. It was a little difficult for her to grasp, that to Rachel the important things boiled down to the simple truth that Kensi hadn't been able to really hide her true feelings about Deeks. And that had given Rachel what she needed to see their friendship was real, and to believe and support Kensi now.

"Thank you, Rachel. I'm not sure anyone has ever so easily trusted me before," Kensi replied, unable to keep the note of surprised wonder from her voice. Rachel's return smile was unsteady.

"Well, I'm still really freaking out here so I'm also really trusting that you'll get us out of this mess."

Kensi allowed an apprehensive and tight smile in return to Rachel, nodding quickly as she turned back to Nell, addressing both of them.

"Here's what I know. There's something going on with Derek Smith's brother that was suspicious. And the Contreras Cartel is involved in supporting the bank robbery. Nell, did you see anyone recognizable from the intel you and Eric collected on them?"

Nell shook her head quickly. "No, they were careful in not letting us see their faces."

"I suppose they wouldn't want us to be able to identify them," Kensi mused. She was pondering over the possibilities, wondering at how the three of them might be used as leverage, when footsteps approached and a heavy metallic clang indicated someone was unlocking the door. Kensi automatically positioned herself in front of Nell and Rachel, trying to stand but finding it an awkward struggle with her arms pinned behind her.

The door swung open and a man entered, his arm extended and a gun trained on her. Kensi froze, knowing that while everything in her told her to fight back, there were some situations where it was best to bide her time and be patient for the opportune moment.

Kensi squinted in the darkness, trying to make out the face of the man who entered the room. His eyes, full of violent hatred, nearly had her reeling back. It took more than general aversion of law enforcement to induce that kind of disgust. He looked at her as though he recognized her. She studied his face, trying to place him.

"You don't recognize me, do you?"

His voice was hard and angry, as if he were angrier that she didn't remember him than anything else. Kensi shook her head slowly, then straightened as he rushed towards her, grabbing her upper arm and pulling her to her knees painfully as he shoved the barrel of the gun under her chin, angling her head up to stare into his face. Behind her, Kensi heard Rachel gasp.

"I remember you, _Tracey. _Just like I remembered that undercover cop. You two thought you were so smart, trying to catch my brother. But you didn't count on me recognizing you, did you?"

Kensi's eyes widened as she heard the name and thought back to the alias from almost two years ago. She'd only interacted with the man twice, once when they met and then she'd seen him the night at the gym when Deeks and Sam fought. She'd looked at his picture a number of times during the Daniel Zuna case but afterwards had forgotten him, just like the dozens of criminals she'd helped put away.

"Dale Johnson," she replied quietly, watching as his self-satisfied smile widened. Johnson nudged the barrel of his gun deeper into her throat and she clamped her jaw shut in an effort not to cry out.

"I guarantee you'll remember me this time," he whispered in a voice low and menacing, his eyes flashing angrily. Kensi allowed the flare of fear that erupted at the sound of Johnson cocking the gun but she was careful to keep her face defiant. There wasn't anything she could do except control her reactions. If Johnson wanted to put a bullet in her brain she couldn't stop him. But she'd be damned if she would let him see how scared she was.

"Dale! Put her down!"

Johnson swiveled quickly, taking Kensi with him. As the gun fell from her chin she was able to adjust her neck. And her eyes fell on Derek Smith in the doorway, his expression annoyed as he took in his brother roughly holding Kensi.

"I told you, we don't kill them. Not unless we don't have a choice or we don't get what we want."

Derek's voice was hard and unyielding and Kensi felt Johnson tense against her.

"She helped put me in prison! And you just let that cop go! They know who we are, they can identify us," Johnson insisted. Derek shrugged, seemingly unworried.

"That's not going to matter once we get the money. We'll be gone. But you kill a cop and they'll never stop hunting us."

"You killed that bank teller. And Mike."

Kensi felt her stomach drop at the words. Two people already dead. And she was more surprised than she would have been able to admit at the thought of Mike Williams, the ringleader of the group, dead at Derek Smith's hands. She instantly thought of Jesse, wondering where he was in all of this. He and Mike had been friends.

"Some things are necessary. Killing her isn't. Not right now," Derek's voice was firm and resisting any argument. It seemed to reach Johnson because his grip on Kensi loosened and suddenly she was allowed to fall in a heap on the ground.

She was struggling to sit up as Johnson pushed passed Derek, clearly not pleased that he'd been ordered away. Derek's eyes drifted over her and Kensi repressed the urge to shudder. He didn't touch her and didn't say another word. But the cold calculation in his face unsettled her more than it ever had before. The only solace she could take was that he'd stayed focused on her and Nell and Rachel hadn't even registered.

Derek closed the door behind him, leaving Kensi to struggle to her knees and move back to join Nell and Rachel. She looked at both of them in turn, expressions of concern mirrored on their faces. Kensi mustered up as reassuring of a smile as she could. "I'm fine. Really."

Both women nodded, accepting the lie. Kensi felt a longing pang, thinking of Deeks and how easily he would have seen through her. She would push on and through this no matter how rattled she was. She'd been in worse situations. And Deeks had always found her. That was what she held on to then. She knew that if Deeks were free it meant he would be back with Callen, Sam, and Eric. And their entire effort would be focused on finding them.

Of her four teammates back at NCIS, Kensi knew that Deeks would be the most worried for her. And that he would be the most driven to find her, even at the detriment to his health and wellbeing. Just as she knew if their positions were reversed that she would do the same for him.

"I heard something while the door was open," Nell whispered. Kensi leaned in close, nodding for her to continue. "They don't know about the second code of malware. Some of the men were talking about how long to wait before accessing the data."

"That's good," Kensi murmured, while her thoughts turned troubled. "But it also means our time is short. Sometime soon they'll want the access information from Marty. And then our usefulness is much, much less."

Nell opened her mouth to speak, then pressed her lips together worriedly. Kensi gave her an encouraging smile. "Out with it, Nell. Whatever you're thinking. We need to consider everything. I'm counting on that big brain of yours."

"How do we know for sure that Deeks loaded the second code of malware? If Smith threatened you—"

"No," Kensi interrupted shortly, knowing where Nell was going without her finishing the sentence. But she wouldn't allow doubt about Deeks' actions to creep in. Not in her mind and not in Nell's. "He loaded all the malware. I'm sure of it."

Nell paused again, clearly not wanting to second guess her further. But her need to consider all the angles and possibilities overruled her hesitation. "But how can you be sure?"

"Because he would have done his job. Because saving me would be selfish. And Marty is the least selfish person I've ever known," Kensi replied, her voice full of firm conviction. Then her lips widened into a dangerous smile. "And because he knows that if he did anything that might jeopardize our mission just to protect me that I would not hesitate to run my car over his precious surfboards."

Rachel and Nell both looked at her with wide eyes. Rachel was the first to speak after shaking her head in amazement. "Wow, you are one bad ass chick. Does Marty know about your violent tendencies?"

Kensi laughed then, allowing the light moment to distract her for just a few seconds. "It's actually one of the things he likes about me."

Rachel looked unconvinced and she glanced over at Nell, who simply nodded, a knowing smile gracing her face. The lighthearted moment quickly faded back to the stark reality of their serious and trapped situation and Kensi looked back at Nell, who continued to look worried.

"Do you think Deeks will just hand the access information over?" Nell asked quietly.

"He'll have to. If we want evidence of their crimes the FBI will want hard proof of what they did. And they won't get that unless they can track the access back to Derek, Jesse, Mike, and the Contreras brothers," Kensi replied. Nell nodded thoughtfully.

"They've been really careful to keep the involvement of Santiago and Mateo Contreras hidden."

"What are you thinking?" Kensi asked. Nell paused, uncertainty passing over her face. Then her lips settled into a firm line.

"I think the Contreras brothers might be trying to ensure that if anything goes wrong Mike, Jesse, and Derek would take the fall. Our abduction could be chalked up to thugs hired by Smith. Right now there's nothing to link Santiago and Mateo Contreras to the robbery, other than Deeks' meeting with them. And any lawyer worth his hourly retainer would be able to get that dismissed."

"That lying sack of crap!"

Nell and Kensi both looked quickly at Rachel after her sudden outburst. She immediately winced, lowering her voice, though her green eyes still flashed with anger. Kensi raised her eyebrows in a silent question.

"Josh. He's the one who gave me your phone after you rushed out. I didn't realize it at the time, but he was very intentional about it. He wanted me to be sure I knew it was yours."

"You think he's in on it?" Nell asked incredulously. Rachel nodded grimly. Nell looked at Kensi worriedly. "Joshua Scott was Detective Benson's contact at the law firm. And Benson was the one to call NCIS this morning and set things in motion so I came looking for you. But there was something off about Benson's call. I didn't think about it at the time, but how quickly he hung up and the fact that we couldn't get a hold of him again? I wonder if he didn't have a choice in calling us."

"So Josh is somehow more involved than we'd previously thought. And if he sold out Benson then the connection to the LAPD and my whole undercover was probably compromised through Josh," Kensi mused. She turned to Rachel. "Is there anything else about Josh that you've noticed? Any strange clients or unexplained absences?"

"Not really. He's always been that guy in the office who is trying to score with anything in a skirt. I just tried to ignore him most of the time." As if remembering the dire situation they were in, Rachel paled for a moment before she took a deep breath and continued. "He's always been kind of a sleazy guy but he's been acting weird the last few days. I didn't pay much attention to it at the time. I should have."

Kensi gave Rachel a reassuring smile. "There's no reason you should have. A sleazy guy at the office shouldn't automatically put you on high alert."

Rachel shook her head in amazement. "But this is what you do, isn't it? Work undercover, figure who the bad guys are, and catch them?"

"It is. But Rachel, there's a dangerous side to this too. And I didn't want you caught up in it. I'm going to do everything I can to get you out of this," Kensi promised, meaning the words as strongly as her heart was beating. She turned to Nell once again.

"Okay, if Josh is involved I'm sure it'll only be a matter of time before Eric and Marty figure it out," Kensi said confidently, having complete faith in their team members.

"So what do we do in the meantime?" Nell asked. Kensi looked first at Nell, then at Rachel, seeing the strong and determined expressions on both their faces. She felt a twinge, hating the idea of letting them both down. She was normally the first one to charge forward with a plan of attack. But she didn't see much choice in their situation.

Kensi settled down next to Rachel, trying to get comfortable with her arms still pinned behind her.

"We wait."

* * *

><p>It was hours later when Kensi was abruptly pulled from a restless sleep by shouting in the other room. Derek's voice, high strung and barely in control, was clear even through the door.<p>

"_Are you kidding me? You killed a cop? The police won't stop until they find us now!"_

Kensi leaned forward, getting quickly to her feet so she could stand by the door and listen. Her heart pounded at the words. A cop had been killed? Any police officer dead was a tragedy. But one particular police officer dead would destroy her world.

"_He was a loose end. He could have connected us to taking the women through the lawyer. His death will make it seem like he may have been in on the plan."_

The answering voice wasn't one she recognized. It made sense that it probably belonged to Santiago or Mateo Contreras. And Derek's near postal reaction was interesting. He wasn't as in control of making decisions as he might have liked to think he was.

Kensi breathed deeply, realizing they were probably talking about Matt Benson. And she mourned the detective quietly, knowing even from their brief interactions that he'd been a good man. And he deserved better than being betrayed by someone he'd thought was a friend.

"_And what about the lawyer? LAPD brought him in, so he must have talked."_

"_He may have talked but there will be no evidence to follow up on."_

"_If he talked once, he'll do it again—"_

"_That problem is being handled as we speak."_

The same firm voice stopped Derek's objections quickly and to the point. Kensi puzzled over the words, wondering what fate was in Joshua Scott's future. If Deeks, Sam, and Callen had already talked to him at least they probably knew more about his connections and the part he'd played in their abduction.

Looking back at Nell and Rachel, Kensi met Nell's grim eyes with her own. She saw her confirming thoughts in the slow nod of Nell's head. The Contreras brothers were cleaning house. And they weren't afraid of eliminating threats. And the three of them were definitely threats. They had a limited shelf life for their usefulness.

Kensi began to consider that escape might be their best option. There would be a small window of opportunity up until Deeks provided the access information. She knew he wouldn't hand it over without some kind of insurance or plan to come after them. But plans had a way of diverting. The bank robbery was proof of that.

Looking over at Nell and Rachel, Kensi knew her priority also needed to be getting them out safely. If the situation presented itself she would have to take it. She knew there was a chance that it could risk the FBI's capture of the Contreras brothers if they weren't caught red handed but Kensi reasoned that in the end there was enough evidence to convict Jesse and Derek. And she had a responsibility to protect Nell and Rachel.

The voices on the other side of the door faded away as the men left. Several hours passed and Kensi tried to sleep, urging Rachel and Nell to do the same. The creak of the door opening shook her awake in an instant. Alert in a few seconds, Kensi shifted away from Rachel and Nell, concentrating on the figure that walked through the door, bottles of water and packages of crackers in his hands.

Jesse.

Kensi watched as Jesse entered the room slowly, casting a worried glance outside the open door. Kensi followed his gaze, catching only a brief glimpse of the warehouse through the doorway. It was late in the evening now, probably early morning, and the voices and activity on the other side had lessened as the hours wore on.

Jesse's sad and troubled eyes fell on her and Kensi saw the anger that seemed to tighten his jaw. She felt a pang of guilt at how she'd manipulated Jesse. Not enough to wish she hadn't done it, but enough that she could admit to herself she regretted it.

He was still a criminal. But seeing the shift of uncertain emotions passing over his face, Kensi wondered if she might still be able to reach him. She wondered if she might still be able to convince him to make a better choice. Before she could speak Jesse put down the water and food, then he turned to her, fixing her with a furious stare.

"Was it all lies? Did you and Marty just make it all up? Did you even need me to teach you how to surf? Were you just going to pretend to be my friend and then arrest me?" Jesse's eyes widened with a new and incredulous thought. "Is your name even Kensi?"

She couldn't help the soft and sad smile that graced her face at his last words. It was such a small and insignificant detail. But somehow Jesse had latched on to that as perhaps the most important detail to him. She could have had any number of aliases. She'd never kept her own name for an undercover. But in this case she had kept her first name, as had Deeks. Even mixed in with the lies there had been shards of truth.

"Yes, my name is Kensi. A lot of it was lies. But a lot of it was true too. I know you're hurt and angry—"

"You don't know what I am," Jesse interrupted angrily. He lowered his voice to a hiss. "My friend, or at least the man I thought was a friend, killed my oldest friend, a guy I've known since high school. Mike is dead because he let a cop in too close. Derek is running the show now and there are drug cartel members waiting for results. He's holding them off but even I have no idea why."

Jesse's voice began to spiral towards panic and Kensi wished she could reach for him and lay a soothing hand on his arm. She tried to stretch her arms against her bindings, flexing her fingers against the numbness. Jesse's eyes turned sympathetic and he pulled out a knife, gesturing for her to turn around. Once she did he cut the zip tie around her wrists she was able to try and massage away the discomfort, the feeling of pins and needles up and down her arms reminding her of how long she'd been bound.

Kensi glanced back at Rachel and Nell, noting that both women were still awake but staying silent against the far wall of the room. She thought it might be better that way. She hoped that maybe during a one-on-one conversation with Jesse she could make some progress with him.

"I know you never intended for this all to happen, Jesse. And I know things have gotten much more complicated. But you still have a way out. You haven't killed anyone. And more important, I believe you don't want anyone to get hurt. Jesse, you can make this all stop," Kensi's voice started out soft and turned increasingly persuasive. "You have valuable information on the cartel and the bank robberies. Make contact with Marty. Let him know where we are. And when it comes time I can guarantee we'll speak on your behalf."

Kensi paused, thinking back to the earlier conversation she'd overhead. "A cop is dead? Who was it?"

Jesse looked surprised for a moment, and then nodded. "It was someone named Bennett or Benson. He had information on your cover at the law firm and Mateo knew he was connected to Marty and his cover so they used him to draw Nell out."

Jesse's eyes drifted passed Kensi to settle on Nell, slumped against the wall, the signs of her mistreatment obvious on her face. Kensi stayed silent, hoping that maybe seeing the harm that had come to Nell, had come to a woman he'd been interested in and attracted to, might help sway Jesse.

Kensi watched the emotions shift and pass over Jesse's face. She knew that despite the lies and her perceived betrayal that at least some of what she'd said registered. She couldn't promise him absolution and she was careful not to lie to him again. He'd committed crimes and she knew he would have to pay for them. But there was still the possibility for some measure of redemption.

She thought she might have convinced him, might have won him over. But the uncertainty was slowly replaced with disappointed anger as he shook his head.

"I don't believe you. And I don't have a choice or another way out. Not if I want to keep my parents and my sister safe," Jesse replied firmly.

Kensi felt the weight of disappointment settle in her chest. She understood how Jesse was torn, even sympathized with him. But she still had a mission to complete and people to protect. Rachel and Nell were counting on her to get them out safely. And Deeks was counting on her to make it back to him. She knew that with absolute certainty. And she wasn't going to let them or him down.

"I'm sorry you think that. And I'm just sorry," Kensi said quietly, shifting from one foot to the other. Jesse raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"About what—"

Kensi cut off his question with an elbow to his chest, the air in his lungs leaving his body in a whoosh as he hit the floor. Kensi moved quickly, flipping Jesse over and pinning an arm to his back while she riffled through his pocket for the knife he'd used to cut her bindings. Jesse was just beginning to gasp for breath and struggle against her when she found the knife. She applied pressure to his back with her knee, causing him to grunt in pain and then finally still beneath her.

"Nell, Rachel!" Kensi whispered loudly. The two women jerked forward and Kensi tossed the knife to Nell so she could cut Rachel's bindings loose. Rachel returned the favor to Nell and then Nell threw the knife back to Kensi. Kensi hauled Jesse to his feet, regretting every twitch of her muscles as she was forced to press the blade of the knife against Jesse's throat.

"I knew it had to all be lies," Jesse muttered bitterly. Kensi loosened her grip on his arm a little and glanced at the side of Jesse's face, shaking her head quickly.

"I know you have no reason to believe me, but it wasn't all lies. I want to help you. But I also have a job to do," Kensi insisted. Jesse's face turned dejected and she sighed, knowing she didn't have the luxury of time for emotion. She jerked her head at Rachel and Nell, motioning towards the door.

"Let me try and make sure it's clear. I'll be back, okay?" Kensi whispered. Nell nodded bravely while Rachel stood frozen, her eyes wide with fear. Kensi knew it was dangerous what she was attempting to do. Escape when she didn't know how many men were in the warehouse, where they were, or if there were weapons or cars was an incredibly risky idea. She knew that NCIS would be trying to find them. But she also knew it was her responsibility to try and find a way out and try and minimize the possible harm to Nell and Rachel.

Jesse was pliant against her grip, allowing her to push him through the doorway and into the warehouse. There wasn't a soul in sight and Kensi concluded there were minimal guards in place. Jesse had probably been checking on them out of concern for their welfare rather than a visit allowed by Derek.

Kensi looked around the warehouse, finally seeing several vehicles off to the side. The steady rain still pelted the metal roof of the warehouse, making it difficult to hear. There were offices with doors closed and portable tables with a number of weapons strewn over their surfaces.

Wanting the comfort of something in her hand a little more substantial than a knife, Kensi began to guide Jesse over towards the table. She'd been searching with alert eyes around the warehouse, trying to look in the shadows for movement and trying to listen through the howling storm for sounds when she heard the telltale click of the cocked hammer of a gun.

Reacting instinctively, Kensi whirled towards the sound, taking Jesse with her. The sound had been closer than she'd realized when she was forcefully hit from the side with a series of punches and jabs to her already injured body. She released Jesse, keeping her grip on the knife, flipping the handle so she could strike better, and lashed out with practiced, tight sweeps.

The light in the warehouse was so dim that she couldn't make out how many men might be around her but she realized very quickly that she was outnumbered when another kick came from behind, hitting her in the back, while a fist connected with her jaw. Kensi fell to the ground with a gasp, the knife skittering away as she went to catch herself, her left hand collapsing underneath her as her weight twisted her wrist painfully. She rolled to the side to avoid the foot she saw attempting to connect with her face but when a heavy boot collided with her shoulder, pinning her to the ground, she found she couldn't do much more than struggle against the excessive force keeping her in place.

Kensi allowed a quick and desperate glance back at the room where they'd been held, not sure if she was relieved or worried that the door was shut again. It probably meant Nell and Rachel had been contained. She cursed her failed plan, knowing it had been a risk to try. Hoping it wouldn't result in retaliatory pain for Nell or Rachel, she allowed a moment of fear to overtake her at the thought.

Approaching footsteps slowed to a stop near her and Kensi looked up as a man loomed over her. Even in the barely there light she identified Mateo Contreras from the intel Eric had provided them with. He grinned menacingly as he read the recognition in her eyes.

"Ah, so you do know me, _chica._ That's not so good for you. And you're proving to be an awfully big handful that we don't really have time for," Mateo admonished, chiding her like a misbehaving child.

"Derek doesn't want her harmed. She's important to Marty, to the cops. She's the best leverage we have."

Kensi felt the wave of gratitude at Jesse's words. He might be a criminal and she might have betrayed him on more than one occasion both in thought and deed. But he still didn't want to see her harmed. And that counted for something. At least to her.

Mateo seemed to weigh Jesse's words. Then he shrugged with indifference. "We still have two more hostages to negotiate with. And this one is proving to be too much of a hassle."

Kensi tamped down her fear. Not for her safety. But she didn't want to be separated from Nell and Rachel. She had to be able to try and protect them. Adopting as submissive an expression and posture as she could, Kensi let her fear color her voice in an attempt to convince Contreras. "Please, I'll be good. I won't cause any more trouble. I promise."

Considering her words for only a split second, Mateo shook his head. "I don't believe you. And I think perhaps a show of force is in order."

Mateo gestured with his hand and she was pulled roughly to her feet. Flanked by two men who held her tight and secure, Kensi tried to resist, but quickly surmised there wasn't much point when the only pain she inflicted was on herself. Mateo reached forward with one hand, gripping her chin and forcing her to look him in the eye.

"I would tell you to pass along a message to your partner, but I don't think you'll get the chance."

He released her chin and then Kensi was bodily lifted and carried towards one of the vans. She struggled as much as her weakened body allowed, tried to kick and lash out with her bare feet. It was a useless struggle though and eventually another solid punch to her stomach had her gasping in pain and seeing waves of black and white, teetering towards unconsciousness. Through her haze she heard tendrils of conversation.

"What do you want us to do with her?"

"Take care of her. Be creative. And dump the body somewhere she'll be found."

Kensi couldn't stop the whimpering that escaped her lips as her hands were bound again, locked in front of her, and she was thrown in the back of the van. The pain from her injuries rolled over her in waves and she tried to grit her teeth against the increasingly throbbing hurt all over her body. She fought to hold on to consciousness despite knowing there would be relief in succumbing to comforting darkness.

But if this would be her last moments on earth she was not about to slip quietly and without a fight into easy oblivion. She wanted the pain, wanted the fierce grip on her anger and despair. The physical agony was nearly overwhelming but it was the memories and the could-have-beens that really pierced her heart and tore at her soul.

Her mother, smiling at her from her hospital bed, her dark eyes lit with love and rimmed with pain and certain regretful knowledge.

Her father, delight lifting his smile as they tramped through the woods and she successfully identified the tracks of the deer they were hunting.

Her world bottoming out under her feet when the MPs appeared at her home.

Diane carrying a birthday cake, covered in pink frosting and seventeen candles, her face happy and her voice delighted as she sang Kensi happy birthday, Cody singing along off key while the General sat off to the side watching with a fond smile.

Seeing Jack for the first time, his chiseled jaw and confidence taking her breath away.

The General's dismissive anger at her engagement, and her hurt and rejected tears.

Saying goodbye to Jack and feeling like a piece of her was going across the world with him.

Waking up alone on Christmas morning, waves of despair over Jack leaving, and knowing she would never be enough for him.

Shaking Sam's hand the first time they met and feeling her answering grin to his wide and friendly smile.

Hugging Callen after he'd been shot, his arms tight bands of steel around her back.

Washing dishes at Dom's house and feeling the utter helplessness at everything she hadn't done and couldn't do.

Meeting the hostile and flippant blue eyes of Jason Wyler, feeling awareness tingle in a way she couldn't explain.

Deeks' hands around her wrists, fingers reaching and grasping for the tightest grip, locking around her painfully and yanking so her arms were nearly pulled from her shoulders, an explosion of fire behind them.

Standing in a hospital, Deeks' badge and watch held tightly in her hands, the cold metal of his watch warming against her skin and knowing that her world had somehow completely altered without her permitting it.

Kissing Deeks for the first time, the _real _first time, in her apartment in Santa Monica, his mouth hot and insistent and his touch almost needy against her skin.

Seeing Diane again. Cody lifting her up in his strong arms. The General's hand brushing against her hair.

Deeks' arm around her waist. His fingers drifting over her exposed skin. The scruff of his jaw rubbing against her neck. His firm and warm body surrounding her, filling her, cradling her close.

A summer afternoon in the shady backyard of a house, Deeks relaxed against her in a hammock, his attention completely focused on not allowing her to read her book.

Picking out furniture they both liked, testing out a dozen different mattresses at the store to find the perfect padding for _their _bed.

Decorating a Christmas tree. Allowing herself to hope and plan for a potential future previously thought impossible.

The most impossible image. Deeks, walking ahead of her on the beach, a young girl with long, tumbling blond hair held piggyback against him, her mother's smile and her father's blue eyes startlingly familiar. And a toddler with a mop of messy brown hair and his mother's brown eyes walking alongside them, a hand fisted in Monty's patchy fur as the dog patiently plodded along next to the boy's slow steps. Impossible.

_Impossible._ Such a powerful word. So finite and resolute.

Kensi thought the world might have stopped spinning but her head was still heavy with aching pain. She fought to hold on, fought to remember why she wanted to keep fighting. Her world tilted without her permission and then gravity and vertigo claimed her with angry demand and she was falling into darkness.

Cold and wet surrounded her like a vacuum and she couldn't breathe. Kensi struggled against the lack of air and the oppressive weight of a tornado of water pushing her down and taking away her feeble attempts of resistance. She fought until her body gave up, unable to keep up with the battle her mind and soul cried for.

Completely against her will she blacked out, sinking into the overwhelming darkness.

* * *

><p>"Deeks, wake up, man. We might have something."<p>

Alert within seconds of Sam's words and the shake of his shoulder, Deeks sat up from the couch, scrubbing his face with his hands as he stood. He glanced out the window, seeing the beginning tendrils of light as dawn approached.

Somehow it was now Wednesday morning, almost twenty-four hours since he'd last seen Kensi. His stomach rolled queasily at the thought and he told himself it probably also had something to do with the fact that he hadn't eaten for hours. As if sensing the problem, Callen approached, a large cup of coffee and a box of donuts in his hands.

Continuing to move towards the stairs up to Ops, Deeks took the coffee and a donut with a grateful nod to Callen, noting that Sam merely glanced at the unhealthy food disapprovingly and didn't offer a lecture. Some allowances had to be made during stressful situations.

Knowing the rules about food and drinks in Ops, Deeks quickly chewed and swallowed the donut mostly whole, washing it down with as much hot coffee as he could before he left the cup on the railing outside the room. Entering Ops Deeks immediately searched for Eric, not liking what he saw.

Eric looked beyond exhausted. He was wearing the same clothes from the day before though they actually looked even more creased and rumpled. His eyes were bloodshot and his glasses smudged to the point that he was squinting to see through them. Deeks turned to Hetty, who was watching her lead technical operator with worry she didn't bother to hide. But it was when her gaze turned to him and the deep concern in her eyes turned to unrestrained sympathy that he felt his heart begin to thud painfully.

"What did you find, Eric?" Deeks forced out.

Eric turned a solemn gaze towards the three men in the room, saving his last lingering look for Deeks. Resisting the urge to yell at Eric and everyone to stop treating him like he couldn't handle whatever they had to tell him Deeks took a deep, steadying breath.

"Kaleidoscope got a hit off some unusual activity. Information has been slow coming in thanks to the storm damage, but finally emergency response reports are available. I saw a report that a woman's body was pulled from the L.A. River east of downtown near the Santa Monica freeway overpass. The description matches Kensi," Eric said, his voice quiet.

Deeks sensed Callen and Sam straightening next to him, their posture giving away their tightly controlled emotions while Deeks stayed absolutely still. He blinked a few times but couldn't even process the thought that the person Eric was describing could be Kensi.

"It may not be her. What did the report from emergency response say about the woman?" Deeks asked harshly, wanting hard evidence before he would even entertain the possibility of Kensi's fate.

"I'm still waiting on that. But I did what I could to trace the point of exit to where the woman might have either fallen or been placed in the river. Normally there isn't enough water in the L.A. River to fill a swimming pool but with all the extra water coming down the hills and because the river is mostly concrete lined with sloped sides the amount of debris and flow is exceptionally high."

"Eric, we don't need a lesson on watersheds and flooding. What did you find?" Callen insisted, obviously impatient to hear the whole story. Deeks shared his concern. He wanted to know all the details before he would allow relief or grief to settle over him.

"Right. There weren't any cameras at the location where the body was pulled out. But I followed the L.A. River upstream to find the entry point. I tracked the river backwards under Interstate 10 and Highway 101, east of Elysian Park, crossing under Interstate 5 and north to Griffith Park. I found a traffic camera near Griffith Park at 4:12 a.m. that captured this image," Eric finished, pulling up a dark and grainy video.

Nobody in Ops breathed as the video played out, a white van halting on the bridge overpass, two men sliding open the van's side door and lifting a woman from the back. Although she attempted to struggle her movements were tired and they easily lifted her up and over the concrete railing of the bridge, the woman disappearing from sight.

"That might not be Kensi," Sam was quick to say, shifting his eyes to Eric. "Any details on the van?"

Eric shook his head. "I caught it on a traffic camera a few stops away but the plates had been removed."

"What about the body? Do we know that the woman they pulled out was actually dead?" Callen's voice was almost helplessly desperate at the word _dead_, his disbelieving eyes demanding answers from Eric.

"I don't know for sure. I'm trying to get a better idea what happened once they pulled her from the river. And Sam's right, it might not be Kensi. The video isn't all that clear—"

"No, it's Kensi."

Deeks felt all the eyes in the room swivel to fall on him at his three quiet and dejected words. He didn't offer up an explanation for how he knew. Whether she was sitting out on a surfboard in the middle of the ocean, across a crowded room or he was following her while storming a building, he would know the shape of her anywhere. And he recognized the skirt and blouse the woman in the video wore as the clothing Kensi had slipped on the morning before.

His brain was numb and his heart ached painfully, his legs unable to hold him up anymore. Deeks leaned forward, using the center console so he wouldn't crumble to the floor.

The silence in the room was almost deafening. Deeks knew without looking that Sam and Callen wanted to object but couldn't find the words. And he could see the sympathy on Eric's face even if he didn't have visual confirmation. But it was Hetty's voice saying his name, steady and comforting at his side, that made him turn his attention towards their boss.

"It's a message to me, to us," Deeks said woodenly, wishing he didn't feel the certainty of his words.

"You mustn't blame yourself, Mr. Deeks."

"Too late for that," Deeks murmured, blinking as he tried not to allow his teammates see the tears in his eyes. "What do we do now?"

What he'd really been asking was how was _he_ supposed to go on, what was _he_ supposed to do without Kensi. It probably wasn't fair to ask Hetty such a desperate and needy question. But something told Deeks that she would understand his loss the most out of all of them. Deeks wasn't completely selfish, he knew losing Kensi would hit the entire team hard. But he was selfish enough to know that he'd lost the most out of all of them.

Hetty laid a comforting hand on his forearm, her fingers pressing gently. "We will determine what exactly happened to Ms. Blye. And we will find out what has happened to Ms. Jones and Ms. Madison. And we will make those responsible pay."

Deeks nodded helplessly, barely registering the heavy hands of Sam and Callen where they squeezed his shoulders. Despite the comfort, and surrounded by the only family he knew, he'd never felt more alone.


	26. Chapter 26

**Because it has been a little while since I went through the usual rigmarole:  
>Rating: <strong>Beginning in chapter 16 this story is rated M. No M rated material in this chapter, just some slight language and implied violence.  
><strong>SPOILERS: <strong>This assumes "Plan B" has happened and takes place in a future from there forward.  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>If you recognize them from the show they aren't mine. Jesse, Rachel, assorted disposable bad guys, and the Keppingers (especially Cody) do belong to me. Also, errors in geography, descriptions of technology, structure of the military and DoD, and leaps in logic can all be blamed on me. It's fiction, what can I say?  
><strong>Thank you! <strong>For all the reviews, alerts, favorites and PMs. It brightens my day to see that people enjoy this story and your reviews are just fantastic encouragement. Also, heartfelt thanks to **Jenn, Anna, and Angela. **They know why. And to my beta and the best mama bear ever, **MioneAlterEgo, **thanks for the assistance with this truly massive chapter. Reading this has almost become a full time job that you don't get paid for but it wouldn't be the same story without you.  
><strong>Note: <strong>It seems that the cliffhanger from the last chapter caused something of a reaction with some of you reading. I'm sorry if there was any doubt about Kensi's survival. Please consider my posting of this chapter a little earlier than planned my apology. If you were wondering, I can assure everyone that this story will NOT include any major character death. I'm killing off some of my own "bad guy" characters here and there but there's no way I would ever kill off Kensi or Deeks. I love them too much and that's just not how I roll. I'm not saying they won't get hurt (Dramatic tension! It's exciting!) but death is not a part of their story here. Just wanted to clear that up. Now, to make up for the torturous ending of the last chapter, I bring you the longest chapter of this story to date. Since Chapter 27 is giving me fits this will hopefully tide you over for a little while.

As always, thanks for sticking with this story for so long, and for reviewing if you are inclined to do so!

* * *

><p>After several minutes of absolute silence in Ops Deeks hadn't been able to take the concerned and quiet caring any longer and he'd pushed back from the console, heading for the door. No one begrudged him needing a few minutes to pull himself together and Deeks was grateful for that. As the doors slid shut behind him, he heard Callen speaking to Eric, though the words brought him little comfort.<p>

"Eric, search hospitals within a 10-mile radius of where the woman was pulled out. Hopefully she's alive and been admitted to a hospital in the area."

Deeks trudged down the stairs and walked outside, not sure of his destination or plan. Reaching the fountain just outside the main entrance he sat on the ledge, feeling lost with no idea what to do. He couldn't quite imagine the meaning in life without Kensi.

He wanted to be mad that one person had managed to change everything in his life in such a short period of time. Before Kensi, his life had meaning. He'd been a cop, catching bad guys, enjoying the lifestyle of a young, single guy in southern California. Life had been mostly easy, aside from the occasionally dangerous undercover. But finding meaning in his life had been simple. It had also been shallow and incomplete.

Although it had taken nearly two years for him to realize it, he knew that Kensi had begun to change his life and everything about him the second their eyes had met in that gym. It seemed like a bizarre and unfortunate turn that the very case that brought them together had also resulted in possibly separating them.

Deeks knew it wasn't certain that Kensi was dead. She was a fighter and if anyone could manage to stay alive and find a way back it would be her. But he was finally facing the one truth he'd never allowed himself to consider. He was facing the real possibility of living his life without Kensi. And it wasn't a life he wanted or knew how to live anymore.

Before Kensi, he'd thought the uncomplicated and easy dating life was what he wanted. He'd never really considered or thought of more than that. The idea of a wife or children seemed like an impossibility, something what he would never be allowed to have. And there was certainly nothing that proclaimed that Kensi would ever have been his wife or they ever would have had children. But the possibility of all that had existed in her. And whereas before it had seemed a distant prospect, now without Kensi it was irrevocably impossible.

Even still he couldn't be sorry for what they'd had. If he only had the last two years with Kensi, and even if he only had the last two months of their closeness as more than partners, he would take it. Love lost would hurt for a lifetime. But that was better than regret.

The sun was finally beginning to peek over the walls surrounding the fountain, the warmth comforting on his shoulders after the last several days of rain. Deeks looked up, noting the scattered clouds and the blue sky. It looked like the storm had finally passed.

Deeks leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, fixing his stare on the Spanish tile of the walkway below his feet. The dominant emotion in him was still worry for Kensi. He couldn't rest until he knew exactly what had happened to her. He dreaded the possibility of identifying a body but ultimately he had to know. And there were still other lives hanging in the balance.

When Sam came and sat next to him Deeks didn't even lift his head in acknowledgement. And Sam was quiet and still, his steady presence soothing in a way that was almost contrary to how big he was. Sam was an imposing man when he wanted to be. But Deeks had come to appreciate how he was also the most steady and calm person he'd ever known.

It was several minutes when Sam finally spoke. "We just got word from the LAPD. Detective Benson's family was found safe. Neither his wife nor daughter were able to provide any identification on their captors."

Deeks shook his head regretfully. "I'm glad they're okay. But I'm not surprised they couldn't provide any leads. Whether it was the Contreras brothers or Hernandez who took them, they would have been careful. I'm sure that doesn't make the LAPD happy."

"That's not all. After Joshua Scott got brought in and booked they put him in gen pop at the county jail. There was some kind of mix up with his paperwork and he wasn't released right away."

Sam paused and Deeks turned to look at him, feeling grim certainty set in. "He got shanked, didn't he?"

Sam nodded once, his eyes regretful. Deeks cursed and ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

"He was our only lead back to Hernandez and the only way we could prove a connection to what happened to Benson to the Contreras brothers," Deeks muttered angrily. "I doubt his paperwork was mistakenly mixed up. They're erasing their trail and they've got people inside the LAPD."

"Seems like," Sam agreed. "We still have the lead to follow once they access the bank account information. Eric should be able to pinpoint a location and we can go in after Nell and Rachel Madison."

"Yeah, but we have to wait for Smith to contact me to get the access information. And once I give it we won't have much time to find them before he won't need Nell and Rachel anymore," Deeks replied, trying with everything in him to keep the rising panic from his voice.

"Deeks, I know it seems like a bad situation. But we'll figure it out," Sam said, laying a soothing hand on Deeks' shoulder. Even though his words only provided momentary relief, Deeks nodded. He knew that although nothing except Kensi's safe return would really calm him, the team needed him to not lose it. And he needed to live up to their expectations. It felt like all he had at the moment.

Eric's loud and excited yell from inside the building had both Sam and Deeks on their feet and running towards Ops. Deeks felt his heart nearly stop at the torrent of emotions on Eric's face. There were still lines of stress and near heartbreaking worry, but beneath that there was relief and joy.

"I found her. Deeks, I found her. Kensi's alive."

Deeks had to bend over at the waist as relief crashed over him like a wave drowning everything else out. He felt lightheaded like he was going to pass out and then the hot flash of his body pumping much needed blood to his heart and brain battled the shock that told his body to shut down.

Somewhere else in the room he heard Callen questioning Eric, getting the details that Deeks struggled to hear and latch on to.

A Jane Doe, a near-drowned woman, had been pulled from the L.A. River and taken to White Memorial Medical Center on Cesar Chavez Avenue. Her description fit Kensi's though no identification had been found on the woman.

Deeks finally looked around the room seeing the alleviation of some of the stress and sadness on the faces of Hetty, Sam, Callen, and Eric. It wasn't gone altogether, and wouldn't be gone until they'd found Nell and Rachel.

The news about Kensi seemed to invigorate everyone in the room. Eric, who had already been running on fumes, began to furiously pull up reports and sort through the data Kaleidoscope had been collecting in hopes of trying to track the white van. Callen and Sam began to confer about checking with their cartel contacts to try and get another lead.

Deeks stood off to the side, uncertain and adrift. He honestly didn't know what to do. He knew what he _wanted_ to do. He wanted to get to White Memorial Medical Center to see Kensi. But the needs of the mission had to be considered. Even still, he was at a loss trying to determine the next step in trying to catch Derek Smith, Jesse, or the Contreras brothers.

Their few leads had been snuffed out. Benson was dead. Joshua Scott had been murdered while in lockup. The offices of Santiago and Mateo Contreras had no proof that would incriminate them and there was no hard evidence of their connection to the robberies. Unless Callen or Sam came up with a lead they would have to wait until Smith contacted Deeks before they could make a plan for their next move.

"Mr. Deeks," Hetty's calm voice cut through the lost storm of his thoughts and he turned his head to look at her, seeing concern in her face as his eyes met hers. "While Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna work some of their contacts might I suggest that you go and check on your partner? We will contact you if anything comes up."

Deeks nodded eagerly at the suggestion, appreciating that Hetty was throwing him something of a bone, and also allowing him to be the one place he wanted to be. After promising that he would check in as soon as he could see Kensi and see how she was doing, Deeks grabbed the keys to Kensi's SUV and headed for the hospital.

He felt anticipation rising within him as he parked the car and quickly found the emergency room. Using his badge to bulldoze his way through hospital policy, he learned it had been a few hours since the Jane Doe had been admitted and she'd been moved to intensive care. Arriving at intensive care he frantically glanced into several of the rooms, trying to reign in his panic when he didn't immediately see Kensi. He didn't want to waste time asking where she was if he could just find her on his own. Any movement was better than waiting.

But finally, realizing it would be quicker just to ask, Deeks turned towards the nurse's station. As he stepped forward to talk to a nurse he glanced to the left, seeing through a glass window in the door of a private room. Kensi lay in the hospital bed looking nothing like he'd ever pictured, her eyes closed in sleep or unconsciousness.

Her skin was pale to the point that she nearly blended in with the white hospital sheets. Her hair looked thin and limp, pulled away from her face. She wore a misshapen hospital gown and the bed and machinery surrounding her dwarfed her. A quick visual sweep of the equipment around her told him all he needed to know. Her injuries were serious and she was probably fortunate to be alive.

He supposed he was probably the lucky one in their relationship. Although Kensi had sustained minor injuries since they'd become partners, she'd never been seriously injured. He hadn't had to hold a bedside vigil and wonder if she was going to die. They'd never discussed it but even in his semi-oblivious and painful haze after his shooting he'd realized how worried Kensi had been. She masked her feelings well but he'd seen it. And Sam's endless lecturing afterwards had been more than an insinuation that it wasn't just his safety that Sam was intent on protecting. Even Deeks had picked up the hint that Sam was looking out for Kensi too, making sure she wouldn't lose her partner because he was a moron.

So even though Deeks had been shot and endured a hospital stay and recovery with a fair amount of pain, he still considered himself lucky. It was immeasurably harder to be the loved one on the other side, watching and worrying over the person you cared about.

Deeks stepped towards Kensi's room, reaching forward to push through the door when a nurse with a stern and suspicious expression stepped into his immediate path.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm here to see her," Deeks replied, impatient for the woman to get out of his way. Now that he was so close to Kensi he needed to touch her, needed to let her know he was there.

The nurse's eyes narrowed in distrust as she took in Deeks, his chaotic hair, rumpled clothes and tired eyes. Internally he groaned. He probably wouldn't want to let him any closer to a patient either. He probably looked like a desperate, crazy man. Which, truth be told, wasn't far from reality.

"She's a Jane Doe. Do you know her? Are you a relative? Or her husband?"

"No, I'm—" _Her friend? Her partner? Her boyfriend?_ The truth and lies were infinitely connected and so much more complicated than what he could possibly voice. "I'm whatever gets me in there to see her. Please."

The nurse's eyes flicked down the hall towards a security guard and Deeks knew he was about three seconds from being escorted away. He hadn't wanted to reveal his status as a cop but he realized it might be the only thing that would get him in to see Kensi. Quickly reaching for his badge with one hand and holding up an open palm as an entreaty, he tried again.

"Please, I'm with the LAPD. Detective Marty Deeks. She's with me. But it's important that nobody knows she's here, or that I'm here."

The badge or his pleading seemed to do the trick. The nurse finally nodded, her eyes turning sympathetic. She allowed him to pass, giving him one last glance before she left him in the room alone with Kensi.

"I'll have the doctor come in and give you her prognosis."

Deeks nodded mutely, turning towards Kensi's bed. Within two strides he was at her side, immediately reaching for her right hand, frowning as he felt how cold her skin was. Even though the heart monitor beeped insistently his fingers squeezed her hand gently, then drifted over her wrist, seeking out and finding where her pulse beat steadily.

Finding the confirmation he'd needed to feel for himself, he allowed his gaze to move over Kensi, his heart beginning to pound and the heat of his temper rising as he took in the bruises on her arms, the blossoming marks that mottled the side of her face and over her cheekbone. Seeing a particularly nasty-looking gash at her hairline, he suddenly choked up, finding it difficult to breathe as he was faced with the evidence of the brutality she'd been exposed to.

Since the moment they'd met he'd been intrigued by her. At the Blood & Guts Warriors Gym his initial and quick assessment had been that she was smoking hot. Spending more time with her in the early days of their partnership he'd picked up on how she tried to downplay how attractive she was with jeans and simple and utilitarian shirts and jackets. She was a born and bred tomboy and while she wasn't opposed to using her beauty, it wasn't her go-to method of coercion. He'd gotten a glimpse of how dazzling she could look when she'd been Fern, clubbing with Callen, on their second case working together. He'd been stunned by her beauty then but he was just as taken now, even as she was covered in ugly injuries.

He could still see the impertinent point of her chin, the graceful slope of her neck, the elegant curve of her eyes beneath her wounds. She was the most interesting and unique woman he'd ever known. And it had as much to do with who she was as how she looked. He'd hated seeing her attacked on the video. Not because she couldn't hold her own in a fight. But in an unfair fight she could be overwhelmed and nothing enraged him as much as watching her beaten to the ground and knowing he hadn't been there. Kensi's face went blurry in front of him as tears threatened to fall and Deeks leaned over her, touching hesitant lips to her forehead.

Even after that brief kiss he lingered, allowing his lips to touch sparingly over her uninjured cheek, her nose, and then her lips in a feather light caress. He was worried about touching her anywhere that might cause discomfort but his relief at seeing her and being able to feel her was too strong not to make some kind of physical connection. He longed to see her eyelids open, to see her gaze slide over to him, to watch as her smile started in the dark pools of her eyes, lifting her lips in a fond and amused smile.

But Kensi stayed unconscious and he was forced to feel a powerful mixture of relief and frustration pulse through him, alternately making adrenaline rush through his body as he tried to take deep, calming breaths. Needing a distraction, Deeks found a blanket in the closet and tucked it around Kensi, thinking she seemed to cold in the thin hospital gown. He was just finishing, mindful of the machinery monitoring her, when a doctor entered to room, barely glancing up from the chart in her hands as she approached the other side of Kensi's bed.

The doctor leaned over Kensi, quickly checking her vitals before making notes on the chart and turning to face Deeks.

"You're Jane Doe's—" the doctor verified a scribbled note on the chart, "husband?"

Deeks was startled for a second, then realized the nurse had been kind enough to cover for him. Thinking quickly, and needing the easiest alternative to keeping their presence unknown as well as needing to be allowed to make decisions for Kensi's health, Deeks nodded. He would get Eric to modify the hospital records later.

Lifting a questioning eyebrow, the doctor pressed further. "And her name? And yours?"

"Tracey Wyler. And I'm Jason Wyler."

The doctor looked as though she didn't believe him, but then her eyes drifted over him, coming to abruptly rest on his shield, clipped to his belt. Understanding lit her eyes and she nodded, seemingly willing to accept his story.

"From what the paramedics reported when she was brought in your wife is one lucky woman. The report says she was pulled from the L.A. River early this morning and that they weren't sure she was alive until they were about halfway here. Based on her injuries she'd been in the water awhile and it's a miracle she didn't drown," the doctor recited, skimming over the notes in Kensi's file. Deeks listened silently, trying to school his reactions to the doctor's words. It was increasingly difficult when all he wanted to do was scream in frustration at what she'd had to endure.

"No broken bones but a lot of bruises and lacerations. Many of her injuries look as though she was beaten pretty badly. But I'm guessing you don't want to fill me in on any of that?" the doctor asked quietly.

"I didn't do it, if that's what you're asking. But I can't tell you more than that. Unless it's something you need to know for her care it's classified," Deeks replied. The doctor shook her head.

"No, that's fine, I don't need to know and I probably don't want to know. She's actually doing pretty well. Her lungs are in pretty bad shape and we've pumped her full of antibiotics since it's impossible to know what she was exposed to in the water. Her cuts have been treated and she's going to be sore for awhile but we'll know more when she wakes up."

Deeks had turned his eyes to Kensi as the doctor spoke but with her last sentence he averted troubled eyes away from Kensi's unconscious form. "She hasn't woken up since she was admitted?"

"No, but considering her injuries it's not abnormal. Her body needs to heal. We'll keep watching her the next few hours. If you'll be here just make sure you notify a nurse if there's any change in her condition."

Deeks nodded at the parting guidance trying to push away the annoying impatience he felt with wanting Kensi to wake up. He knew he should just be grateful she was alive and he hadn't lost her. But with Kensi he was always going to be a little greedy for more. He wanted her awake, saying his name, and verbally reassuring him she was okay.

After the doctor left Deeks looked around the room, finding that he was automatically checking the security of the room and he mentally reviewed the layout of the floor in case there was any reason they needed to leave quickly. It was probably overprotective of him, but he couldn't help it. Not after how close he'd come to losing her.

Kensi didn't give any sign of waking and Deeks took the opportunity to check in as OSP, letting them know Kensi was okay and giving Eric the heads up to alter her hospital records and revive their aliases as Tracey and Jason Wyler. After hanging up with Hetty, who assured him Callen and Sam were doing what they could to track down Nell and Rachel, he pulled Kensi's phone from his pocket, scrolling through the received calls.

He sighed as he selected the most recent call, bringing the receiver to his ear and waiting nervously as it rang. After three rings an authoritative male voice picked up the line.

"Keppinger residence."

Deeks exhaled quickly in surprise. Somehow he hadn't considered that the General might answer the phone. And although he'd never heard the man's voice, he knew instantly that was who was on the line. Nothing like meeting the quasi-father of the woman you loved over the phone. Collecting his suddenly scattered thoughts, he cleared his throat.

"Sir, this is Marty Deeks, Kensi's partner."

The General quickly cut off any additional words he might have tried to force out. "Where is she? How is she? What do you know about her whereabouts?"

Although the man's questions were rapid fire, rational, and almost like commands, Deeks heard the anxiety coloring his voice.

"She'd okay. She was found this morning and taken to White Memorial Medical Center here in L.A. She's pretty banged up but no permanent damage," Deeks replied, attempting to reassure the General.

"No thanks to you."

Deeks was shocked to silence, sure he'd heard wrong. "Excuse me?"

"It was this undercover operation of yours that put her in whatever situation she was that injured her, wasn't it? Why weren't you there to protect her?"

Deeks took a deep and steadying breath, feeling the words hit squarely where it hurt: the insecure part of him already blaming himself over what had happened to Kensi. They weren't things he hadn't already thought and directed towards himself. But hearing them from someone else just seemed to fuel the fire of his worst fears.

He glanced over at Kensi, the guilt growing and making his chest feel tight. His thoughts turned darkly inward and he considered everything he could have done and hadn't. Hadn't been able to, hadn't had the time to, hadn't been there to do. He feebly argued with himself that he hadn't had a choice. He couldn't always be by Kensi's side every second of the day, guarding and protecting her. She would never want that. And he'd made the best decisions he could at the time.

When he could easily have continued to heap blame on himself he heard a contrary voice, annoyed and insistent, that told him to snap out of it. It was Kensi's voice, irritated that he was blaming himself for things outside of his control. And even as his self doubts continued to pound like the restless beat of his heart, he believed her. Kensi wouldn't blame him. She trusted him to do his job and she knew that even when things went bad that he would find her. He wasn't always the one doing the rescuing, but he would always be the one who would fight for her and come when she needed him.

Fortifying himself with the faith he knew Kensi had in him, Deeks spoke in a level but firm voice. "No offense, but you don't know anything about what has happened the last few days. You don't know the details of our case and you don't have the right to insinuate I wasn't taking care of Kensi."

"You weren't taking care of her if she got hurt."

"Look, I'm trying to be understanding here. I get that you're upset. But you don't understand her job and what we do. Kensi is capable of taking care of herself. And bad stuff still happens to us. I may not have been right there with her when she got hurt, but I was doing everything in my power to make sure she had a chance at staying alive. And I was doing exactly what she would have wanted me to do," Deeks replied, thinking of the choice he'd had to make between completing his assignment and ensuring Kensi's safety. He hadn't chosen the option that had the highest chance for her survival. But he had picked the only choice both he and Kensi would have been able to live with.

The General was quiet on the line, his words seeming to have hit home. Deeks thought about letting it go then but he remembered back to just a few weeks ago, when Kensi had felt so lost and alone after years of being pushed away by her surrogate father. He remembered her tears and the rejection in her eyes. And he was suddenly angry that the man who had turned Kensi away was trying to make him feel guilt he knew she wouldn't want him to.

"I know that you don't know me. But I've been there for Kensi since we first met. She's had so many people leave her behind, push her away, and hurt her. Including you. But I've never done that to her and I never will. She's the most important thing in my entire world but that doesn't mean I get to be selfish and protect her from everything. She doesn't need me for that. She just needs me to be there for her. And I always will be."

The words were out before he'd really thought about what he was saying. He'd been truthful, accusatory, and protective. The silence on the phone didn't concern him. He could have been nervous about what Kensi's surrogate father thought about him. He knew the General's opinion mattered to her, at least in some measure. And he knew they'd recently reconnected and she wanted to be a part of the Keppinger family again. He wanted that for Kensi too. But he knew there was a good chance his harsh words might have put him squarely out of favor with the head of the Keppinger family.

When the General finally spoke, his voice was quietly contrite. "You're absolutely right. I should know better than to try and dictate Kensi's life of make judgments when I haven't bothered to be there for her for ten years. I apologize, Detective."

Deeks was stunned to silence. He'd been expecting more lecturing, more recrimination, more anger. From what Kensi had told him about the General and who he was during her teenage years, he wasn't exactly an understanding or apologetic man. She'd told Deeks he was different now and he hadn't been sure he'd believed her. But now he was starting to rethink his assumptions.

"Deeks. It's Deeks. Or Marty. Whichever you prefer."

The General chuckled on the phone and Deeks heard the relieved undertone. He was surprised, he didn't think his acceptance would matter much to a four-star general.

"We'll go with Marty. That seems to be what my wife likes to call you."

"How is Diane, sir?"

"Since I've already yelled accusations at you I think we can skip the 'sir.' Just call me Robert. And Diane is doing well, in great thanks to you and everything you and Kensi did to help her. I'm grateful to you both."

Deeks murmured away the thanks, finding it slightly odd that they'd gone from anger to gratitude so quickly. But he wasn't going to question it. People were complicated and emotions flared and receded easily to forgiveness. Especially when they involved people you loved.

Glancing at Kensi's still form, Deeks sighed, wishing she would wake up. "I'll keep all of you posted on Kensi's progress. She's still unconscious but the doctor thinks she'll wake up soon."

He wanted her awake to reassure his anxious heart that she was truly okay. And there were also the ever present implications of their undercover assignment. They needed her to wake up so she could tell them what might have happened to Nell and Rachel. And why she'd been set free.

"Please do. I should tell you that Cody is on his way to Los Angeles. He was hell bent on finding out what happened to Kensi and helping NCIS if he could. May I call him and send him to the hospital so he can see for himself that Kensi's alright?"

Deeks shook his head silently in exasperation, then shrugged. If he could deal with one enraged Keppinger surely he could take on another.

"Sure, let him know. I'll be here to fill him in when he arrives."

After he hung up with Robert, Deeks went back to Kensi's bedside, smoothing back her hair and letting his hand linger on her forehead, somewhat appeased to discover her skin felt warmer.

It wasn't long before Deeks heard a demanding male voice at the nurse's station, looking for Kensi. He pushed through the door of Kensi's room, eyeing the very insistent, very tall, very muscled Marine he could only assume was Cody Keppinger. He was about the same height as Deeks but bulkier in his shoulders and arms. His buzz cut gave him away as a soldier and Deeks sensed the air of impatience around him. It was impatience born of love for Kensi, for which Deeks could give the man some leeway.

"Look, I know she's here. Kensi Blye. Could you please check again?"

Deeks crossed the floor quickly, calling to Cody as he approached. Cody turned at his name, his eyes falling on Deeks and immediately lighting with recognition. They'd never met, but it told Deeks that Kensi, and likely Diane, had told Cody enough that he knew who he was. Forgetting the nurse, Cody met Deeks halfway, his brown eyes furiously concerned.

"Where is she?"

"She's in a room over there. But you need to calm down before you see her. She's fine, but she's unconscious."

Cody's eyes clouded angrily. "Don't tell me what to do, Deeks. She's my sister—"

"And she's my partner. And I'm telling you that you need to calm down. She's been through enough today and she doesn't need you freaking out over her." Deeks stopped Cody with a raised hand, blocking him when the man tried to push past him. Considering the Marine's imposing musculature Deeks was almost impressed with his challenging the man. But he wasn't about to allow Kensi's recovery to be any more difficult than it already was. Cody seemed to consider pushing past Deeks but instead he took a deep, measured breath.

"What happened to her?"

Deeks didn't bother to hide his own anger at what Kensi had endured. "She was beaten up pretty bad and thrown in the L.A. River. She almost drowned but she's okay now. Unconscious, but okay."

Cody's eyes widened at Deeks' words, clearly startled after hearing how badly Kensi had been hurt. His temporary calm was replaced with barely contained anger.

"You should have been looking out for her! You should have taken care of her."

Deeks felt his own anger flare. He was getting tired of justifying himself to everyone looking for someone to blame for Kensi's injuries.

"What, does jackassery run in your family? That just goes to show how little you know about Kensi. She doesn't need me to look out for her every step of the way. Of course I wish I could have been there but I was in the middle of playing my part in our undercover. Bad shit happens in our line of work. I knew she could handle herself."

"Are you actually telling me she could handle being held captive and nearly drowning?" Cody asked incredulously.

"You don't know what she can handle. You haven't been in her life for years. Don't pretend you have the right to speak for her because it isn't your right. It's mine." Deeks was practically shouting and he reigned in his anger, his fear, his all consuming love for Kensi. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew he was reacting irrationally. They both loved Kensi and he knew she wouldn't want them fighting.

Taking a deep breath, Deeks stepped back, turning to head back to Kensi's room. "You can see her if you want. But I'm done discussing this or defending myself to you or your father."

Deeks entered Kensi's room, sensing that Cody followed him. He crossed to Kensi's side, taking her hand in his while Cody hung back in the doorway. Glancing at Cody, Deeks was surprised by the shock and paleness of the man's face. Even though Deeks had prepared him, the visible proof of Kensi's injuries was obviously more than Cody had been expecting.

"Dammit, what happened to her?" Cody asked, his voice quietly broken. Deeks felt his angry resolve melt a little, plainly seeing the torment on the man's face. It was clear Cody cared for Kensi a great deal. And that made it a little easier to overlook his earlier accusations.

"We don't know, not exactly. She was taken from her undercover job, along with a co-worker of ours and a civilian friend of Kensi's. They haven't been found yet," Deeks said quietly, thinking with a twinge of Rachel and Nell. His one interaction with Rachel and what Kensi had told him about her friend had been enough for him to know she was a bright young woman, faithful to her friends, full of kindness and compassion. And thinking of Nell, Deeks remembered her voice over his comm through all those months of his undercover. She'd often been his only connection to a life he missed and people he cared about. And even in just the last few weeks he'd come to understand how much she saw in those around her and how much she cared. Neither woman deserved what had happened to them.

Cody swiveled his surprised eyes from where they'd been fixed on Kensi's face up to Deeks. "So your undercover assignment isn't over yet?"

Deeks shook his head grimly. "Not yet, no. But we don't have any leads. Kensi may know something but we won't know that until she wakes up."

As if she'd heard the hopeful plead, Kensi's head turned towards Deeks and her fingers tightened around his hand. Cody completely forgotten, Deeks leaned over Kensi, his eyes locked on her face, looking for a sign that the movements might not have been involuntary and that she was coming back to him.

"Kensi, come on. Wake up, please wake up for me. Kens—" Deeks couldn't keep the relieved elation out of his voice as Kensi's eyelids slowly lifted and she blinked several times, her gaze unfocused while her voice was rough, but clear as she finally spoke.

"Marty."

Deeks grinned widely then, and he allowed himself to finally breathe again, to finally feel the tightness in his chest release knowing that he had her back.

"Yeah, I'm here, Princess. God, I'm so glad you're awake." Deeks closed his eyes briefly, leaning in to kiss Kensi gently, her trembling hand coming up to cradle the side of his face welcoming and full of tenderness. Her lips were soft and pliant under his and so warm, so wonderfully responsive and yearning. She kissed him back with a relieved sigh of her own and when he forced himself to pull back from her he saw through his own blurred vision that she was just as reassured to see him as he was to see her.

Her hand against his face shifted and her fingers moved to his lips. He kissed the pads of her fingers as she touched him, as if confirming to herself he was really there. Then her fingers moved to trace over his face, gently wiping away the tears he hadn't even realized were tracking down his cheeks. He took a deep, shuddering breath, the palatable relief at seeing her awake making him a little lightheaded as he struggled to stay standing.

"I'm okay, Marty, really. I promise," Kensi murmured back, sensing what he needed to hear. He searched her face, knowing she wouldn't have told him even if she wasn't okay. But she also wouldn't have been able to hide the truth. Not from him.

But although Kensi looked tired and uncomfortable, her gaze was clear. And so full of the caring he'd become accustomed to seeing when she looked at him. It wasn't until that moment that he realized how worried he'd been that he wouldn't see that again.

It was Cody clearing his throat behind him that reminded Deeks they weren't alone. Perhaps he should have felt embarrassed that their intimate moment had been witnessed. But Deeks could care less. He was much too happy that Kensi was back.

Kensi gave Cody a soft smile, then reached out a hand, which Cody quickly took. "Cody, you didn't have to come. I'm glad you're here though."

Cody exchanged a quick glance with Deeks, both men tacitly agreeing to put their earlier argument behind them.

"Of course I came. There's been too much of you being on your own the last ten years."

Kensi smiled again, her eyes warming as she looked at Deeks even as she talked to Cody. "I haven't been alone the last few years."

Deeks resisted the urge to glare pointedly at Cody. He wasn't going to pick another fight with the man, but he also wasn't going to allow either of the Keppinger men to imply the last two years that he'd been in Kensi's life that she'd been without anyone in her life that looked out for her.

Not wanting to say something he couldn't take back and unwilling to upset Kensi when she'd just woken up, he squeezed her hand gently before letting it go. "I'm going to go see if I can find your doctor. I'll be right back."

After checking in at the nurse's station Deeks headed back to Kensi's room. He paused in the doorway, coming in on the end of Kensi and Cody's conversation. Or rather, their disagreement.

"Kensi, this shouldn't have happened to you. You're in a hospital, lucky to be alive—"

"And this isn't the first time I've been in a hospital the last few years, Cody. It's a part of our jobs. There's always some risk of injury. But Marty has always been there for me."

"How can you defend this? And defend him?"

"You don't know him. If you did you wouldn't be asking me those questions," Kensi replied angrily. Then her voice lowered and turned serious. "Once Marty was shot twice in the chest. And when I was in danger he left his bed, went down two floors of stairs and still managed to shoot the man about to kill me. He could have died trying to protect me and he did it anyway. I don't ever wonder if he's going to have my back because I know he always will."

"But he didn't, not this time. While you were hurt he was somewhere else."

"Not by choice and not because of anything he did wrong," Kensi said, her voice firm and dismissing any argument. Cody was about to object and Deeks was two seconds away from hauling the man away from Kensi's bedside when she cut him off, her voice finite and refusing any further disagreement.

"Don't make me choose, Cody. Because I'll choose him. It will always be him."

Deeks was torn at her words. On the one hand he was knocked off his feet at her absolute trust and faith in him. But on the flip side he hated the idea of her having to choose. He thought briefly of how he could resolve her choice. The only option, if Cody and ultimately the General couldn't accept him, was to remove himself from Kensi's life. A few months ago he might have done that, might have thought it was better for her, safer for her that if she was in danger because of him or his feelings for her, that he shouldn't be a presence in her life.

It had taken time and the change in their relationship to make him see that even if there was a strong part of him that felt that way, he wouldn't make that decision for her. Kensi wanted him in her life, he was absolutely certain of that. And he wouldn't take her choice away from her. It probably made him a selfish bastard but he'd promised her he would never willingly leave her. And it was a promise he would spend the rest of his life living up to.

Cody had been silent after Kensi's ultimatum. But Deeks saw as the tall Marine nodded, his shoulders bent in weary acceptance of her words. He nodded as if her words finally registered, as if he finally understood what she'd been trying to tell him.

"I'm sorry, Kensi. I know it probably isn't fair and I know Deeks is probably a great guy. But I've failed to protect you so many times in the past. I just hate to imagine you hurt or in danger."

Kensi laughed quietly, her hand coming to rest on Cody's forearm. "Join the club. I worry about you too. But I don't need protecting, I need a partner. And Marty is that for me. He even tries to protect me sometimes, and he's probably the only person I would allow to even try. And you don't need to apologize to me for caring about me. But you do need to apologize to Marty."

Cody looked towards the doorway, following Kensi's eyes as they'd lifted to find Deeks standing and watching them both. Without hesitation Cody approached Deeks, holding out a hand.

"I'm really sorry, man. I shouldn't have attacked you. It was misdirected and wrong. Especially considering everything you've done for my family. I shouldn't have questioned your motivations."

Deeks took Cody's hand easily and without hesitation. He wasn't the type to hold grudges. And knowing what he'd gone through that day, watching and worrying over Kensi, he could allow latitude for those that truly loved her. They'd all come close to losing her. It was time to be grateful they hadn't.

"We're good. Don't worry about it. But after you and your dad I think I've had plenty of irate Keppingers today," Deeks replied wryly. Cody had the grace to look chagrined and Kensi smiled while shaking her head as if she could only imagine what Deeks had had to deal with.

At that moment the doctor entered, her gaze turning slightly surprised at the additional company in the room. "Detective? You called in reinforcements?"

"This is Cody, my wife's brother," Deeks lied smoothly, meeting Kensi's eyes and communicating in that understanding and seamless way that had always worked for them. "Right, Tracey?"

Kensi nodded quickly, turning towards the doctor as she approached. The doctor simply nodded in agreement, then looked at both men. "I'm going to check Tracey over, why don't you two wait outside?"

"I'll go get us some coffee," Cody volunteered, turning to go. Deeks paused, reluctant to leave, when Kensi reached a hand towards him.

"I'd like my husband to stay," Kensi said quietly, her voice firm as Deeks stepped forward, lacing his fingers with hers. The doctor nodded in agreement, then began to examine Kensi's injuries. Deeks kept his eyes locked on Kensi's face, taking in every painful twitch, every quick inhalation of breath she took as the doctor examined her. He didn't let his eyes drift to see the injuries on her body, sensing that Kensi needed his steady gaze to hold on to. His stomach churned in anger as she tried to hide the pain she clearly felt, her grip on his hand an increasingly tight vise. And he squeezed right back, his eyes unwavering on hers.

The doctor finally finished, capping her pen and tucking Kensi's chart under her arm as she shook her head in amazement. "I'm quite impressed, Mrs. Wyler. You're quite a fighter. You're going to be in pain for several days but you're relatively okay. We have you on some meds to help fight infection and I'd like to keep you overnight—"

"No." Kensi's voice was firm and unyielding. "I want to go home. As soon as you'll discharge me."

Deeks was about to disagree, knowing Kensi could be stubborn about her injuries, when the doctor shook her head slowly. "I can't really recommend that we release you so soon but I also don't see a truly compelling reason to make you stay. Can you at least give us until later this afternoon to run a few tests and scans?"

Kensi frowned as though to argue but Deeks squeezed her hand gently, locking his eyes on hers. He knew she wanted to be discharged so she could dive right back into their case. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously and he paused, almost hesitant to speak for her, but he also knew more about what was happening with their assignment.

"Let's give them a couple hours. Then I'll take you home, okay?" Deeks suggested in a quietly persuasive voice. Kensi nodded slowly, her eyes telling him she expected him to explain further.

The doctor finally left the room, promising to return shortly with a nurse and a schedule for a battery of tests, to which Kensi looked momentarily unhappy about having to undergo. But she sighed, reasoning if that was what it would take to get out of the hospital she would endure it.

Knowing they didn't have long before Cody returned, Deeks took the chair by Kensi's bed, wishing he could just enjoy the feeling of having her safely back but knowing they still had an assignment to complete and missing friends to bring home.

"We saw the security footage from when you were taken," Deeks said, keeping his voice low while barely containing his anger, remembered from watching the footage of Kensi beaten to the ground by men nearly twice her size. "What happened after that?"

"They knocked me out and I came to a couple hours later," Kensi began, going on to explain what she'd gathered from Derek and Dale Johnson, and how they and the cartel seemed to still be unaware of the second code of malware. She described how Jesse had come to talk to her and how she'd used him to try and escape. And she explained how she'd seen Mateo Contreras' face and how he'd ordered her death.

Deeks took a deep, shuddering breath, realizing that it really was luck and Kensi's stubbornness to survive that had her sitting in a hospital bed next to him. He closed his eyes briefly in gratitude, opening them again when he felt Kensi's fingers in his hair, combing it back out of his eyes. He met her eyes with his own and they didn't have to speak at the raw possibility of pain and loss they saw in each other's eyes.

Kensi questioned him about the robbery, wanting the details of his side of the events from the day before. When he described how Derek Smith had killed the bank teller and Mike Williams, Deeks saw the flash of anger in Kensi's eyes.

"He did that even though you loaded the malware as he expected?"

Deeks nodded quickly. Kensi gave him a wry smile.

"Then it's a really good thing he doesn't suspect or know anything about the second code of malware."

Deeks was nodding at Kensi's slightly amused observation when it hit him. She didn't even question whether he'd loaded the second code of malware or not. She knew he'd done it. Kensi understood the choice he'd been forced to make and not only did she expect and know what his decision had been, the thought never even entered her mind that he might have chosen differently. Her faith in him was as solid as bedrock and he knew it was the kind of trusting responsibility over her nobody else had been allowed in years. She trusted him, trusted his decisions, and trusted him with her heart. And she was giving it to him, had given it to him without either of them realizing it.

It was an epiphany that felt as though it should come with fanfare or wordy declaration. But they weren't really those kinds of people. Or at least Kensi wasn't. And Deeks kept his awestruck observations to himself, knowing that saying them out loud didn't make them more true. They both knew and that was enough.

Kensi's eyes turned thoughtfully sad and she reached again for Deeks' hand. "Jesse said that Detective Benson was killed. Is that true?"

Deeks nodded unhappily. "Yeah, unfortunately it is. It turns out Lawyer Boy Josh has been a coke addicted slave to the Hernandez Cartel. When Dale Johnson identified me as a cop to Santiago Contreras he called in a favor from Juan Hernandez to find out more about you. That brought them to Joshua Scott and he folded on Benson and you. Benson was tortured and coerced to bring Nell out into the open."

Deeks rubbed his eyes, thinking of Nell, so physically small but also mentally resilient and strong. And his stomach turned as he thought of Rachel, completely untrained and unprepared for the world she'd found herself pulled into.

"I don't think they'll hurt Nell and Rachel," Kensi said softly, her voice hopeful as she tried to convince both of them. "Mateo ordering me killed isn't likely to sit well with Derek. He knew I was his best bargaining chip with you. If they continue to think I'm dead Derek will know he has to be careful with his remaining hostages."

"That's not a bad idea, Kens," Deeks replied, rubbing a hand over his mouth thoughtfully. "If we pretend that we found your body it gives me something of an upper hand in dealing with Derek down the line. Maybe enough that we can get enough information to figure out where they are and go in with a strike team for retrieval."

"Strike team? Retrieval? Now that sounds like my kind of party!" Cody called from the doorway, re-entering the room with a carrying tray and three cups of coffee. He put the carrier down and Deeks took one of the cups gratefully, trying not to let Kensi see how badly he needed the caffeine and scalding hot liquid to keep him alert. He could see the concern in her eyes as she looked over him. He didn't want her worrying about anything but feeling better.

But Deeks was suddenly watching Cody carefully, wondering if it was the sleep deprivation generating ideas, or if what was coming to mind might actually be as good of a plan as it seemed.

"Kensi only vaguely mentioned what you were doing in Afghanistan," Deeks offered up the statement, hoping Cody would take the bait. Seeming undisturbed by the random question, Cody nodded.

"I was one of the Marines in the fourteen-man Marine Special Operation team, which is a base unit of the USMC Special Operations Command. We were assigned to a special counter-terrorism and unconventional warfare mission and specifically trained to work in the desert. You know those USMC bumper stickers that say 'When it absolutely, positively must be destroyed overnight'? That's us," Cody said proudly, giving Kensi a teasing wink. Kensi rolled her eyes good naturedly but without comment.

Deeks smiled slowly, appreciating the man's confidence. Some people might have thought him cocky and conceited. But Deeks had been around enough military personnel in the last few years to recognize the real deal. Sam was the real deal. As was Cody. And that just might come in handy.

"Marty, what are you thinking?" Kensi asked curiously, having caught on to his thoughtful expression.

"I'm thinking maybe it wouldn't hurt to have another bad ass military guy along with us when we go in after Nell and Rachel," Deeks suggested. He watched Kensi's eyes cloud briefly and at how she glanced at Cody with worry. And he was slightly amused that Kensi couldn't help but worry over her brother when he'd clearly survived through far worse in the Middle East than what would probably end up being a raid of several drug cartel members and some trigger happy bank robbers. But some things were instinctive, including worry that followed when you loved someone.

Cody's expression turned solemn and he glanced between Kensi and Deeks. "Those are the two women who were taken with you? Nell and Rachel? I didn't realize they were both women."

Cody exchanged a trouble glance with Deeks, both men thinking and worrying about the same thing. Kensi had escaped relatively unscathed but when violent men with short tempers were involved it was hard not to think of the one outcome that was possibly only a little better than death for a woman.

"Nell is an intelligence analyst with NCIS. Rachel was a friend at my cover job at the law firm. Nell has at least had some training for these kinds of situations. But Rachel's just your average L.A. girl. She's strong and smart but—"

"Kensi," Cody interrupted, his hand on Kensi's shoulder, making her look at him. "You did everything you could. Of that I have no doubt. And your friends know that too. You said Nell has training and Rachel is strong. Have faith that they'll hold on to that until we can get to them."

Deeks' head shot up at Cody's use of the word "we." He smiled with grateful satisfaction at the Marine, all earlier disagreement between them forgotten. "So you'll help us? Provided I can get you clearance at NCIS?"

Cody clapped his hands together. "Just give me a gun, some Kevlar, and point me in the right direction."

"Whoa, just hold on there a second, Jarhead," Kensi admonished. She turned to Deeks. "There's no lead to chase after right now, is there?"

Deeks shook his head, knowing that Kensi was struggling with her concern for Cody, but also realizing that having Cody as an asset might help tip things in their favor. "Not yet. But I'd better get back to NCIS and see what's going on. Cody, stay with Kensi until I can come back later to check her out?"

Cody nodded firmly in agreement, then made himself scarce for a few minutes to allow Deeks and Kensi a moment to say goodbye. Deeks didn't really want to leave and he wasn't particularly proud of his reluctance to let Kensi out of his sight. It was fear he hadn't really felt before and while he knew part of it was the remnant of almost losing her, he also knew he had to get control over his emotions in order to function rationally.

Kensi recognized the fear and instead of trying to make him feel better or dismiss it she simply reached for him, pulling him down next to her for the warm and comforting hug she'd been longing for since opening her eyes. She buried her face in his chest, nudging her nose up towards his neck and taking a deep breath. He answered by running one hand over her hair and under to find and caress her neck with his other hand smoothed up and down her back.

Careful of the IV in her hand, Kensi brought both her hands to rest between them, flat on Deeks' chest and she felt the rapid beating of his heart, felt how his fear for her safety clearly dominated him. And she waited, letting her closeness eventually calm him, letting his need to touch and reassure himself that she was there and safe in his arms eventually soothe his obviously weary mind.

She'd seen it written all over his face, how he'd been scared out of his mind for her. She knew he would have kept his emotions mostly under control around Callen and Sam, knew how he would have pushed through the desperate worry to do what had to be done. But she also knew from personal experience that a break would eventually occur. And she wanted Deeks to know he could allow that break to happen with her.

His lips on her forehead were full of sweetness and gratitude but he slowly released her, reluctant to leave but knowing there was still work to be done. Kensi lifted her face towards him and Deeks smiled softly, leaning in for the kiss she'd silently demanded.

"I'll be back soon," Deeks murmured against her lips, allowing one last gentle press before he pulled back. He opened his mouth to speak again, but Kensi beat him to it.

"I love you."

Deeks smiled widely at her words, one of the few times she'd said them without the encouragement of him speaking first. The day before he'd had the terrifying thought that he might never again see Kensi, kiss her, or be able to tell her he loved her. There was still so much left to do before either of them could breathe easy, so many lives in the balance, but Deeks knew they would survive whatever was coming. And they would do it together.

"And I love you. See you soon."

With that promise and one last kiss Deeks finally left after exchanging a trusting glance with Cody. And he wasn't disappointed by the quick and firm nod the Marine gave him. If he had to trust Kensi's safety with anyone there was a pretty short list of options. And Cody was definitely on that list.

Returning to OSP, Deeks checked in with Eric, finding there hadn't been any progress on trying to track down the van or any signal or sign from any of the burn phones, the cartel members or other possible leads. Deeks could tell Eric was barely hanging on, though all attempts to suggest he take a break were soundly rejected.

Heading downstairs, Deeks approached Hetty's desk, sitting opposite her in a chair as she motioned him forward while she continued her conversation on the phone. He picked up enough from her side of the discussion to realize she was playing a jurisdictional pissing match with some official at the FBI. But listening to Hetty, Deeks smiled fondly. As usual she had the upper hand.

"Director, this is really quite simple. I understand the FBI and Department of Justice has a vested interest in this case. In fact, I allowed two of my agents to participate and support the operation. But we are now dealing with issues of national security as well as Department of Defense employees. This is our case and we will handle it." Hetty paused and Deeks heard the voice on the line raise in volume and speed. Hetty's voice turned cold and unyielding, interrupting the man's tirade. "Need I remind you that while the Attorney General is the head of your agency, ultimately the Commander in Chief is the head of mine?"

The silence on the phone after Hetty's response indicated her point had been made. "I didn't think so. Director, I will keep you informed as we have anything to share. But if you'll excuse me, I have issues to attend to."

Deeks watched as Hetty finally hung up the phone, troubled at the glimmer of stress he saw lurking behind Hetty's normally placid expression. This case was wearing on all of them.

"How is Ms. Blye, Mr. Deeks?"

Deeks reported out quickly on Kensi's status, seeing as Hetty closed her eyes in silent relief. Hetty was usually very good about keeping her emotions in check, but it was times like these that he realized how personally invested she was in all of them.

"That is certainly good news. Did Mr. Beale have anything further to report when you checked in?"

Deeks shook his head. "Not really. Just that the malware is working and collecting quite a trove of information. It surprises me that Derek Smith hasn't tried to contact me for the access information."

Hetty leaned back in her chair, considering his words. "Perhaps if everything had unfolded as he expected he would have by now. But the actions of Mateo Contreras may have upset his plans. From what Ms. Blye relayed, her apparent 'death' was not a part of the plan, at least not at this stage of the game."

"You think maybe Smith is regrouping and trying to figure out what to do?" Deeks asked thoughtfully. Hetty nodded slowly.

"He seemed to understand the importance of Ms. Blye as leverage over you. If he thinks he has lost that he may be trying to consider how to continue to manipulate you when he has already broken an implied agreement to you to keep her safe in exchange for the access information."

"So when Smith does contact me I should pretend as though Kensi is dead and we've found her body, perhaps upsetting some of the balance of power?" Deeks concluded for Hetty, to which the older woman smiled and nodded. He nodded quickly. "Okay then, when I hear from him that's what I'll do. What do I do after that? What's the play I'll be trying to make?"

Hetty considered his question carefully before she spoke. "I have talked with Mr. Beale and unless we get a fix on their location through other means, the only lead we will be able to follow is the access to the online banking information. Once that data is accessed we can track it back to a physical location."

Deeks shook his head impatiently. "But that's too much time. Even if they're somewhere in the immediate Los Angeles area it would take too long to get there. By the time we figure out where they are and get there who knows what they'll have done to Nell and Rachel."

"Agreed, Mr. Deeks."

Hetty fell silent and Deeks met her careful eyes, knowing within seconds where she was leading his thoughts. He would trade himself and the information for the return of the hostages. It was the only way to ensure their safety and be certain they were physically close enough to make the exchange. It would buy them the time they needed to trade the information, secure the hostages, and hopefully allow the incriminating evidence associated with the bank robbery to be collected. And he nodded quickly, silently telling Hetty he understood and he would do what she wanted. Because it was what he wanted too. Rachel and Nell, safe and out of harm's way.

With a reluctant pang he thought of Kensi, knowing she would not be pleased with the plan. But he would deal with that conversation later, when he had to. And he knew she would eventually see the reasoning in what had to be done in order to rescue Nell and Rachel. Even if it meant putting himself in danger. He wasn't an idiot, he knew Kensi wouldn't like it. He knew she loved him and would want to protect him. But he also knew she would ultimately understand the sacrifice, the risks, and what needed to be done.

Thinking again of covering all the possible avenues of information, Deeks looked back at Hetty. "What about Sam and Callen? Have they had any luck?"

"They are looking into some leads connected to Derek Smith's true identity as Chad Keating. And they are following up with any known associates of Dale Johnson here in Los Angeles. Until we have something I suggest you look after Ms. Blye and rest while you can."

Deeks wanted to object, wanted to follow whatever miniscule leads there might be that would lead them to Nell and Rachel. But the Contreras brothers were careful. They were staying hidden and making it impossible to locate them. Without some inside help or a slip-up he knew it could be a long and frustrating wait. Considering for a moment, Deeks looked up at Hetty, finding her watching him.

"I'd like to suggest that we locate Jesse Thompson's parents and sister and put them in protective custody. He's not going to make a move to help us as long as they're potential targets for the cartel. But if we can provide them with safety then maybe we can win Jesse over. I don't know for sure that it will pay off, but it might."

Hetty considered his suggestion for a moment, then began to reach for the phone. "An excellent idea, Mr. Deeks. I will get the wheels in motion on your suggestion."

Deeks was getting up to leave when he remembered one last request he needed to make of Hetty.

"Hetty, you're aware of Kensi's relationship with the Keppinger family?" Deeks asked, to which Hetty nodded. He wasn't really surprised, Hetty seemed to always know more than what any of them ever actually divulged. "Major Cody Keppinger is the closest thing to a brother Kensi has and he's here in town. With Kensi injured, and quite frankly, not knowing what we might be ultimately facing if we have to mount an operation to go in after Nell and Rachel, I was thinking he might be an asset we should have on board."

Hetty paused, fixing Deeks with a curious stare. "And what makes Major Keppinger such a unique individual?"

Deeks grinned, shaking his head and not really able to put his finger on it. "I'd say pull up his service record and I think you'll see it. Something tells me he and Sam might be cut from the same cloth. I know how things can go sideways during an operation and I think he'd be a good man to have with us. And he's more than willing."

"I'll consider it, Mr. Deeks. Please see to Ms. Blye and yourself. We will get in touch as soon as we hear something. And you do the same if you are contacted."

Deeks nodded quickly, not wanting to be separated from Kensi any longer than was necessary. He'd only been gone a short while but he was already anxious to get back to the hospital. Before leaving OSP Deeks stopped by Kensi's locker, grabbing her duffel bag with a change of clothes, shoes and other essentials.

Returning to the hospital he found Kensi and Cody talking quietly, her eyes full of exhaustion, her every gesture and movement tired. But her dark eyes lit up, her lips lifted in a full smile, and her hand reached for him as he approached her bedside, kissing her cheek gently as he sat down next to her.

"You look better," he murmured, heartened to see the color returning to her cheeks.

"That's only since you got back," Cody teased. "Her eyes haven't sparkled like that since you left."

Deeks laughed as Kensi reached over and punched Cody in the shoulder, giving him a reproachful glare. Cody merely laughed in return, but when Kensi finally looked away to divert all her attention back to Deeks, he rubbed his shoulder and winced in pain. Deeks grinned at the sight, glad to see Kensi more and more back to her full strength. Even if it did involve some bruises for Cody.

"Any word on Nell and Rachel?" Kensi asked anxiously. Deeks shook his head.

"Nothing. It's like they've completely disappeared. Hetty thinks the reason why I haven't heard from Derek Smith is because he's trying to figure out a new plan since Mateo 'killed' you. It'll hopefully give us some time to get a lead." Deeks looked out the window, noting the low afternoon sun. "In the meantime, are you ready to get out of here?"

Kensi nodded eagerly, lifting the sheets of the bed so she could slide her legs over to the side. Cody left to give Kensi some privacy and Deeks stood, ready to help Kensi stand. Kensi's hand on his arm caught his attention and he looked at her, seeing the uncertainty on her face.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but can you give me a minute?" Kensi asked quietly. Surprised, and trying not to be put off by her request, Deeks nodded, joining Cody in the hallway outside her room. He leaned against the wall next to Cody, crossing his arms and impatiently drumming his fingers against his bicep. Cody cast a sideways glance his direction.

"She's just trying to regain some control over herself after what's happened to her," Cody said quietly. "Don't take it personally. She'll ask you for help when she's ready."

Deeks turned his head to look at Cody, seeing understanding in the man's eyes that few people their age could comprehend. In the kinds of jobs they had, full of danger and close calls, it gave them knowledge and insight beyond their years. And he reminded himself that Cody had known Kensi for more than half her life. In some ways he knew parts of her better than Deeks did.

Deeks cleared his throat, not liking the deficit in his understanding of Kensi. "I take it you know this from personal experience?"

Cody's snort of laughter surprised him. "No way, man. In the fifteen years I've known Kensi she's never asked me for help. She knows I'd give it but she's never asked."

Deeks was contemplating this when a nurse approached, handing Kensi's discharge papers to him. He was thrown for a second, but then remembered he was her husband, at least on paper, and he began filling out and signing the paperwork to smooth the process for them to leave. He sent Cody to pick up her prescriptions at the pharmacy and by the time Kensi opened the door, her face noticeably pale after the exertion of getting dressed, a nurse was waiting with a wheelchair.

Kensi sighed but sat in the chair without verbal protest. And Deeks was just finishing helping Kensi into her SUV when Cody returned, prescriptions in hand. Glancing at Kensi and making an executive decision that might get him into trouble later, he handed Cody one of the keys from Kensi's key ring.

"I'm going to take Kensi back to my apartment tonight. Things might heat up on locating Nell and Rachel at any time so consider yourself on standby. As long as you're good with that?" Deeks asked. Cody nodded in affirmation. "This is the key to Kensi's apartment. It probably looks like a bomb went off inside—"

"Hey! That's just—that's just not true!"

"—But that's still probably better than a hotel." Deeks recited off Kensi's address and then he glanced back at her. She glared at him a little, but behind her annoyance he saw agreement with his plan to have Cody in town and nearby.

They made plans for Cody to meet up with them in the morning, if not sooner, and after Cody gave Kensi a quick and slightly hesitant kiss on the cheek, he left to head to her apartment for the night. Deeks joined Kensi in the car and within thirty minutes they'd arrived and he was helping her upstairs to his apartment. She leaned on him heavily and the fact that she didn't try to hide her dependence might normally have made him smile. But he had a feeling it was due more to her defenses being down and her pain still raw. But still, he was the one who got to see her like this. And he knew he was the only one who did.

Entering his apartment, it hit Deeks how long it had been since he'd been there. Six months. Everything was as he'd left it, albeit covered in a thick layer of dust. The air outside was cool in the aftermath of the storm and Deeks went though the apartment, opening windows to allow the fresh air in. He left Kensi in his bedroom for a minute as he went in the bathroom to start the shower for her, knowing she would want to clean up after her stay in the hospital.

Kensi entered the bathroom as he tested the water, her change of clothes in hand and a grateful smile on her face. He passed her a towel and turned to leave, closing the door to give her privacy. Deeks knew she wanted the time alone and opportunity to feel in control of herself, in control of her body, and in control of her surroundings after what had happened. It was a small comfort to know she hadn't been seriously hurt. But she had been overpowered and he knew her and knew that wasn't an acceptable feeling to her.

Despite wanting nothing more than to give her the space she thought she needed, Deeks stayed near the bathroom, listening with an ear tuned towards the sound of the water hitting the tile. He told himself he wasn't hovering when he knew that was exactly what he was doing. He wouldn't impose on her need to regroup. But he would be right there if she needed him.

It had been several minutes and he was finishing with changing the sheets on the bed when he heard Kensi's voice, clear even through the running water and closed door, calling his name. He was at the bathroom door in an instant, turning the knob to enter. The steam in the small room billowed out and Deeks closed the door behind him, looking through the fog to find Kensi standing in the shower, her body trembling under the onslaught of water raining down over her.

Unsure sure if it was shock or cold making her shake, he stripped quickly, stepping behind her in the shower. Her skin was warm against his as he gathered her close and he concluded quickly that it had to be shock and the stress of the last two days finally catching up. At his touch she turned in his arms, pressing her body against his tightly, her head coming to rest on his shoulder. He realized that even while the water washed away her tears that she was crying, the only evidence how she couldn't seem to catch her breath.

Kensi slowly stopped shaking as Deeks held her close as she clung to him, letting his warmth seep into her and lending her whatever strength she needed. And he tried not to shake with the anger he'd felt building when he'd seen her body, covered with the evidence of her ordeal. There were bruises of every shape, size, and every ugly color. Their placement, in locations he knew had been intended to hurt and subdue her, made his blood boil. He let his hands drift over her, lightly skimming over the bruises near her spine and kidneys, then over her shoulders where a mark the size and shape of a man's shoe covered her collarbone and part of her breast.

He pulled back slightly and finally made himself look at the mural of angry injuries that covered her chest, abdomen and legs. It wasn't until Kensi had reached up to smooth her hands over his face that he realized he was now the one crying, and he finally looked into Kensi's sad and troubled eyes.

"That's why I didn't want you to see me get dressed in the hospital. I hated the idea of you seeing this," Kensi murmured regretfully. Deeks allowed a wobbly smile.

"I hate it too. But it's better than the alternative, right?"

Kensi finally nodded slowly, clearly still unhappy with seeing him upset. Smoothing back the heavy curtain of her wet hair, he lifted her chin so she would look at him in the eye.

"So what made you change your mind?" he asked curiously, knowing that Kensi had often shied away from revealing her true physical and mental pain to anyone. She'd shared more with him over the last few weeks than most. But she still struggled with letting anyone in completely close. It wasn't her natural state of being. And old habits were hard to break.

"I just really wanted you in here with me," Kensi finally replied softly, her hands going around his shoulders and hugging him close. And then she sighed in his ear, her voice turning annoyed. "And I was having trouble washing my hair."

Deeks allowed himself to laugh then, secretly delighted that one of his fantasies was about to come true. He would have preferred different circumstances but he'd still take it. Turning her around gently, he reached for the shampoo, frowning as he held it out for her to see.

"I'll have to use mine, if that's okay?"

Kensi shrugged, casting an amused glance his way over her shoulder. "Half the time your hair looks prettier than mine so it might actually be an improvement."

Deeks chuckled as he began to work the shampoo into Kensi's hair, letting his fingers massage her scalp and then run carefully through her long hair, trying to keep it from tangling. He helped her rinse the shampoo out and then, since he couldn't even actually recall the last time he'd showered, cleaned himself up quickly as Kensi tried to towel herself mostly dry, her injuries making the movements stiff and painful.

Deeks helped Kensi get dry and into her clothes, then wrapped a towel around his waist and guided her to the bedroom and down on the bed. She sank onto the mattress willingly, letting Deeks pull the covers over her. He smoothed a hand over her head, his fingers at her hairline, her eyes closing and her eyelashes tickling his palm. She stilled under his hand and Deeks watched her get comfortable in his bed, feeling the familiar tugging of his heart and flip-flopping of his stomach.

He was overwhelmed with relief that she was okay. At least as relatively okay as she could be considering her ordeal. But right behind that was the foolish thrill and absolute peace he felt having Kensi with him, in his home. She'd settled into his bed as easily as she'd taken up residence in his heart. And he didn't want her ever leaving either place.

Knowing that was a conversation for another day, Deeks softly brushed back Kensi's hair from her neck, then turned to pull on boxers and a t-shirt before he circled around the room, closing the blinds against the setting sun. It was late in the afternoon but not quite evening. Still a bit early to be going to bed, but if Kensi was tired enough to sleep he wanted her to get some rest.

Deeks came around Kensi's side of the bed and leaned over her to see if she was asleep yet. Sensing his movements, her sleepy eyes opened, her pupils blending seamlessly with her dark irises in the low light. She smiled instinctively as her gaze settled on his face and Kensi reached a hand out, grasping his wrist lightly.

"Aren't you coming to bed?" she mumbled, her eyes closed as she was already halfway to sleep.

Unable to resist, and not having any real desire to be away from her, Deeks climbed into bed behind Kensi, keeping his movements slow and gentle as he slipped an arm under and around her, his other drifting over her shoulder, down her arm, and finding her hand in the darkness. His movements were familiar and possessive and while months ago he never could have imagined she would allow him to touch and hold her as he was, now her body, leaning back into him and seeking out his warmth told him how welcome and expected they were.

Exhaustion clearly won out over stress and pain and Kensi was asleep within minutes. Deeks took longer to come down, his mind still whirling and worrying about Nell and Rachel. He hated the ineptitude they seemed to be faced with. But in the quiet afternoon hours of getting to hold Kensi alive and breathing after he'd feared losing her forever, he was grateful for the respite. As he drifted away the last crystal clear and forceful thought was that the respite, however welcome, had to be brief. Nell and Rachel were counting on them.

* * *

><p>The knocking on his apartment door shook Deeks from sleep and he was on his feet in an instant, his clarity of mind telling him he'd only been out a few hours. He glanced at Kensi as he slipped from the bed, seeing she continued to sleep on.<p>

Padding to his front door, Deeks picked his gun up from the table as he went, easing the safety off and shifting the curtain aside so he could see who was knocking at his door at just before eight in the evening. He relaxed as he saw Sam on the other side and he opened the door, allowing him in.

Deeks grinned as Monty rushed ahead of Sam, straining against his leash and trying to stand on his hind legs to reach Deeks. Leaning down to unclip his leash, Deeks gave Monty a quick but affectionate body rub, allowing the dog to lick his face in his all consuming joy at seeing his master again. Just as quickly as his excitement had flared, Monty's nose suddenly lifted in the air and he took off towards the back of the apartment. Deeks chuckled and shrugged as he stood, meeting Sam's questioning eyes.

"Kensi," Deeks explained with a nod towards the bedroom. Putting his gun back on the table, Deeks faced Sam while rolling his shoulders in a stretch against the continuing buildup of tension and stress. He'd hoped for some kind of better news but the deep creases over Sam's eyebrows told him everything he needed to know.

"Still nothing?"

"Nothing. No contacts have any information. None of the tracking systems have picked up anything. No one's seen hide or hair of either Santiago or Mateo Contreras for going on over a day now. No contact on any of the phones?" Sam asked.

He'd put the various phones he was carrying in a central location in the kitchen of the apartment so he'd hear them ring and Deeks went to double check them, finding no missed calls. He shook his head, trying not to let his frustration show.

"It'll happen in the next twelve hours. It has to. By then it'll have been more than a day since Smith will think Kensi was killed and nearly two days since the robbery. He's probably both biding his time and trying to formulate a new plan after thinking he's lost the best bargaining chip he had," Sam advised, nodding knowingly at Deeks.

"I hope so," Deeks said, nodding slowly. He met Sam's serious eyes with his own. "Did Hetty fill you in on the plan once Smith does contact me?"

"She said you're going to trade yourself and the access information for Nell and Rachel." A hint of uncertainty colored Sam's eyes and when he spoke his voice was layered with worry Deeks wasn't accustomed to hearing. Not when Sam spoke to him. He and Sam had an almost textbook superior older brother/annoying little brother relationship. And although Sam was as loyal as the day was long, he saved showing his genuine concern for his teammates for rare moments.

Deeks gave Sam a lopsided smile, thinking it a rare kind of coincidence that this undercover assignment was what had brought so many things to the surface. His place on the team. His individual relationships with Sam, Nell, Callen, and Eric. How he didn't quite fit at the LAPD anymore. How he'd been so changed that he almost couldn't see fitting anywhere except at NCIS. And his relationship with Kensi, the most altered aspect of his entire life.

The moment between him and Sam had become heavy with emotions neither of them was all that comfortable with discussing with each other. In some ways his relationship with Sam was the least complicated of any of his other relationships at NCIS. Although they had their abrasive interactions, occasionally stemming from the close proximity of their desks and Deeks' perceived annoying work habits that were so contrary to Sam's quiet calm, it was an honest relationship. They didn't always get along but they did have mutual respect.

Deeks was counting on that honest relationship and respect from Sam. He knew he would need it as strength to draw on for himself, and so he could hold on to that and for Kensi, too. The humor and irritation between them was honest too, and something that had often worked to break up the tense situations they occasionally faced.

"Don't look so scared, Sam. I know you guys will be there to back me up. I'm not worried," Deeks said confidently. And he wasn't worried, not for himself. Kensi, however, was another story. He couldn't help but worry for her.

His earlier use of the word _scared_ had done the trick, earning him a withering look from Sam.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Deeks. We'll figure it all out once you hear from Smith. In the meantime, take care of Kensi and look after that mangy dog of yours," Sam said pointedly, heading for the door.

Deeks grinned, moving to allow him to leave. "Thanks for bringing Monty back. Really, Sam, thanks."

Sam nodded at the heartfelt gratitude, then left without another word. Deeks returned to the bedroom, not at all surprised to see that Monty had tucked himself behind Kensi's bent knees where she laid on her side, and he'd rested his head and front paws on her thigh and hip. Kensi was awake, her hand reaching back to stroke and rub Monty's head.

Deeks stood in the doorway and allowed his eyes to adjust to the dim light, alarmed as he realized Kensi was crying. Crossing the room to the bed quickly, Deeks sat next to Kensi on the bed, letting his hands ghost over her quickly, his heart thudding with near panic as he thought maybe her injuries were causing her pain.

"Kens, what's wrong?" he murmured. Kensi sniffled quietly, her tears falling and disappearing into her pillow. She was rhythmically and almost robotically petting Monty and Deeks stopped her, taking her hand in his and applying gentle pressure to her palm until she focused on him. Her eyes, when she finally looked at him, were full of angry helplessness.

"I wish I'd done more. I can't believe I tried to escape. I probably put Nell and Rachel in even more danger. But I felt like I had to do something. And even knowing the outcome, I'd still probably do it again. Because not doing anything seemed just as bad. And I don't know how to feel about that," Kensi whispered, her voice wounded and a little lost. Deeks knew the conflict raging in her was a confusing mix of the past, present, and future as well as all the possible could-have-beens.

He leaned down, lying to face Kensi, and he reached forward to brush away the tears seeming to fall without her control. And for the first time she wasn't trying to hide her tears, confusion and sadness.

"You did everything you could and you made the best decision you could in the situation," Deeks murmured reassuringly, full of absolute confidence. That seemed to shake Kensi and her eyes searched his face.

"How do you know that? How can you be so sure?" she asked desperately, needing so badly to understand how he could have that certainty in her.

"The same way you knew I would load all the malware," Deeks replied easily, the comparison simple in his mind. Doing their jobs was who they were. And they had to be those people in order to work as both partners and lovers.

Understanding dawned in Kensi's eyes and she nodded while she allowed her gaze to drift, clearly thinking back to the night before. "I tried to get them to not let me go. After I tried to escape I told Mateo Contreras I would be good and wouldn't get in the way. I so badly didn't want to be separated from Nell and Rachel. It didn't work though. He still ordered his men to kill me."

Kensi's voice was softly contemplative and Deeks couldn't stop his arms from tightening around her and pulling her close. His heart hammered at her recitation of the stark truth that Kensi's life had been so easily thrown away and it was probably only due to her sheer force of will and good luck that she was with him now. Kensi seemed to sense his distress and she laid a hand on his neck, caressing softly in an attempt to calm them both.

After several long minutes Deeks finally felt like he had his reactions under control. Kensi was safe now and she was back with him. He hadn't allowed his fear to paralyze him yet and he didn't want to start down that destructive path.

"We'll get them back," Deeks said evenly, looking deep into Kensi's eyes where her head rested inches from his on the pillow. She nodded in agreement, never breaking his gaze.

"We have to."

It was the shrill ringing of a cell phone that broke their gaze. Deeks flipped over, getting to his feet and nearly running for the table in the kitchen where the phones were. He looked at them quickly, his and Kensi's NCIS-issued phones and the phone Smith had given him. He picked up his NCIS-issued phone, noting that the screen indicated it was a blocked call. If it were Callen, Sam, Hetty, or anyone at OSP the number would have come up.

Activating the line quickly, he took a deep breath and tried to keep his voice even. "Marty Deeks."

"Marty. It's Jesse."


	27. Chapter 27

******Please see previous chapters for overall disclaimer, summary, spoilers, etc.** NOTE:**** Beginning in Chapter 16 this story is rated M. This chapter has some violence, language, and sexual situations but even that's more in the T category here. You have been warned!**  
><strong><strong>Note: <strong>****We're in the home stretch now. Two more updates after this one! I was thinking about splitting this into two since these long chapters may be a bit daunting but left it as one. If you're still with this story and reading along, you have my deepest thanks. And thank you for the reviews, favorites, and alerts. Really, it's the best encouragement there is. Just a reminder, all suggestion to the contrary by the end of the chapter, I'm categorically stating (again) there will be **NO** major character death in this story. Thank you to my amazing and talented beta, **MioneAlterEgo, **for the constant advice and support. This would be less without you.

Thank you for reading! And if you feel inclined to review, thanks for taking the time to do so! I hope you enjoy this latest chapter. And if you spot the nod to something ECO said in an interview several months back, gold star for you ;)

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><p>"Jesse," Deeks exhaled slowly, his mind reeling at the unexpected voice on the phone. Pulling himself together quickly, Deeks took a deep breath while reaching for Kensi's NCIS-issued cell phone on the table. He quickly tapped out a message to Eric, his fingers flying over the touch screen.<p>

_Record and trace phone call coming into Deeks' cell. Call coming from Jesse Thompson._

There was an uneasy silence on the phone and Deeks waited, thinking that it might be a good strategy to allow Jesse to speak first and reveal the intention behind his call and that the delay caused by his inability to speak quickly might make it easier for Eric to pinpoint the physical source of the call.

And then he remembered that Jesse thought Kensi was dead. And by now if everything had gone according to the events that Derek and Jesse knew, they would think Kensi's body had been found. Drawing from the reserve of anger he'd kept at bay during the short while that he'd thought Kensi might be gone forever, it wasn't hard for Deeks to color his voice with rage and loss.

"What the hell do you want, Jesse?"

The regretful silence on the phone told him that Jesse was fully aware of what Deeks had lost. Deeks felt a guilty twinge at manipulating Jesse. He'd certainly been an easy pawn in the undercover. And it was hard to forget that they'd been something close to friends. There had been lies woven throughout the friendship, but there was something true in it, too.

"I'm sorry about Kensi, Marty. You, uh, you found her?" Jesse asked hesitantly. Deeks ignored the wave of guilt at his next words, reasoning that dashing Jesse's hopes that Kensi might be alive had to be a part of the plan. Manipulation was required to make their plan work. And Deeks still wasn't completely sure he could trust Jesse with the knowledge that Kensi was safe. He was a little too easily swayed and not a good enough liar. And Deeks couldn't risk that Jesse might turn if he was threatened or pushed.

"We found her body this morning in the L.A. River. I assume I can thank Derek for going back on his agreement to keep Kensi and the others safe?"

"It wasn't Derek, I swear. Kensi tried to escape, she held me at knifepoint and Mateo Contreras decided she was too much of a problem. It was his call, not Derek's," Jesse rushed to explain.

"I'm not sure that really matters, Jesse. I have something Derek needs and he's blown it with me. How can I trust that Nell and Rachel will be returned safely?" Deeks asked. Kensi's phone in his hand beeped and he glanced at the incoming text message from Eric.

_Recording and tracing. He's on a scrambled line so it's going to take time. Keep him talking._

"Nell and Rachel are okay, I promise you. Derek was livid when he heard Mateo had ordered Kensi killed. He knows what she means—" Jesse paused on the word, sighing quietly "—what she meant to you. I know what she meant to you. And even though I'm still not sure what to really believe about everything she was my friend, too," Jesse's voice turned low and wounded and Deeks kept silent, pondering over how confused Jesse probably was. He'd been hurt and betrayed by so many people and lost several friends in the last few days. It was easy to sense that he regretted his involvement in the bank robberies. And it was likely he wasn't just calling to offer his condolences to Deeks.

"Why are you calling, Jesse? I can't offer you a way out without you giving me something in return. And your involvement in the death of the most important person in my life isn't exactly making me feel too generous," Deeks replied harshly.

When Jesse spoke again his voice was firm, as decided as Deeks had ever heard from him. "I want out. And I want to help you get Rachel and Nell back. Derek has been stalling in contacting you because he's not sure what your reaction with Kensi gone will be. But he's going to call you tomorrow morning."

There was a long pause and Deeks waited, knowing there was more to Jesse's offer. "But I need you to take care of my family. I know I don't have the right to ask for it, especially with what happened to Kensi, but I have to ask all the same. I don't care what happens to me. But please keep my parents and my sister safe. If Santiago finds out what I'm doing, they're as good as dead."

Deeks heard the pleading in Jesse's voice and he heard the resignation that told him Jesse was committed to doing whatever it took to keep his family protected, even if it meant his future was in question. Deeks decided then that he would trust Jesse with part of the plan and would use whatever advantage the man could give them.

"I'll work on getting your family safe. But you've got to give me something. Give me the location where Nell and Rachel are. Give me where Santiago and Mateo are holed up," Deeks insisted, going after the two more important things. He personally could care less about catching the Contreras brothers although the cop in him forced him to ask. Stopping the bank robberies and shutting down the drug cartel might have started off as his mission but it was no longer what he was focused on. His first priority was Nell and Rachel. But he also knew the entire undercover operation shouldn't be flushed away without a second thought.

"I don't know where Nell and Rachel are right now. We were at a warehouse in Burbank but after what happened with Kensi, Derek decided to move them. I only had a few minutes with them before Derek took them away, but Nell gave me your phone number. Derek left me behind to clean up and he's going to tell me where to join them later. He told me it was somewhere in El Centro and he'd send me the address," Jesse replied, desperation filling his voice as he seemed to realize his ability to bargain with information might be miniscule. "But I think I know where Santiago and Mateo are. I'll find them for you. And if I can figure out where Derek took Nell and Rachel, I will. He's going to call me with the new location and then I'm supposed to meet up with them."

"What makes you think Derek hasn't just left you behind?" Deeks asked, considering that Smith seemed to have done exactly that.

"I know too much. He knows I expect my cut. And he knows if he cuts me out that I have enough information to take him down," Jesse replied confidently. Deeks shook his head.

"I think there's a lot you don't know about Derek, Jesse. That isn't even his real name. He created a false identity. He's wanted for crimes he committed while in the Navy and he's planning to run. And considering he killed Mike, do you really think he cares about you?" Deeks asked, thinking of all the angles while also trying to prolong the conversation with Jesse.

"I know he doesn't care about me. But I know his accounts and where he keeps all his money. Even if he tries to run I could still tell the authorities where his money is. He can't run very far without accessing that at some point. And he knows that."

Surprised at the tenacity in Jesse's voice, Deeks nodded to himself. "Okay then. You get me whatever information you can on Mateo and Santiago and where they might be. And when Derek calls you to tell you where he is I want to know about it. And I'll get your family into protective custody. Deal?"

"Deal, and I'll be in touch soon," Jesse paused, his relieved sigh turning to silence on the phone. "Marty? I really am sorry about Kensi. I could tell you loved her."

Deeks didn't have the chance to reply before Jesse terminated his end of the line. He hadn't seen any way to continue the conversation but Deeks hoped maybe Eric had gotten something from the call. Not that it would do them much good considering Jesse wasn't in the same location as Nell and Rachel.

Dialing his phone quickly, Deeks waited just one ring when Eric picked up the line. "Eric, did you get anything off the call?"

"Just that it came from Burbank. I couldn't pinpoint it any closer."

Deeks ran a hand through his messy hair, glancing at the clock and seeing it was still early in the evening. "We should probably get everyone at OSP to decide what to do. Can you—"

"Call Callen and Sam? Already on it. And Hetty's on her way back in. She was out running an errand."

Deeks briefly wondered what errand Hetty might have been running at nine o'clock at night, but realized it didn't really matter. "Great. I'll be in soon." Deeks was about to hang up when Eric's voice stopped him.

"Oh, and Deeks? Hetty sent me a message that you should bring someone with you. Major Cody Keppinger? She said you'd know who that was."

"Yep, got it. Thanks, Eric. We'll be there in thirty minutes."

Hanging up the line with Eric, Deeks dialed quickly and Cody picked up the phone before the first ring had finished.

"Are we on?"

Deeks appreciated Cody's no nonsense attitude and that he was focused and to the point. His commitment to help and do whatever was necessary was something Deeks recognized in his teammates. And even though the four of them were formidable as a team, with Kensi injured and likely reduced to sitting on the sidelines, having another member who was as dedicated as the rest of them would be a welcome addition.

"Yeah, we need to head into OSP. I'll pick you up in fifteen minutes."

"What about Kensi?" Cody asked the blunt question, the one that had also been on Deeks' mind. He glanced back towards the bedroom, surprised to see Kensi standing in the hallway, her determined eyes fixed on him. How long she'd been standing there he didn't know. He wanted to say Kensi would stay at the apartment and rest and recuperate from her injuries. But he recognized the determined flash in her eyes and the stubborn tilt of her chin. As much as he wished he could force her to stay far away from the upcoming mission, he knew it would be a wasted effort on his part.

"Kensi's coming too. We'll be to you in fifteen."

Terminating the call, Deeks put the phone on the table, walking to Kensi slowly. He rested his hands on her hips, letting his hands slip under her shirt and skim over the soft skin of her back. He was careful not to squeeze or touch too tightly since he knew she had fresh bruises all over her body. Her expression had turned from stubborn to affectionate as she read the worry in his eyes and she reached up to place a warm hand on his cheek.

"You know I can't stay here and wait. I need to be with you. I need to be there for Rachel and Nell, I owe it to them," Kensi said quietly. Deeks sighed, nodding even while everything in him objected to her possibly making her injuries worse.

"I know, but just listen for a second, alright?" Deeks pleaded. Kensi narrowed her eyes, recognizing his persistent tone. She opened her mouth to object but he placed a finger on her lips to silence her. "I know you want to be in the thick of things. And I won't try to stop you. But just think about yourself, okay? You've been through a lot. Your body has taken a huge beating. And I think you know that Nell and Rachel wouldn't want you to hurt yourself to save them."

"That's why I have to do it," Kensi whispered against his finger. And Deeks dropped his finger and watched as Kensi's eyes filled with tears and she blinked to keep them from falling. "I know they wouldn't want me in harm's way. Which is why I need to do everything I can to get them out. I can't wait here, helplessly wringing my hands. Please don't make me."

Kensi's voice had turned a little frantic and Deeks reached forward to pull her into a warm hug, running a soothing hand up and down her back as she gripped him tightly. He hated the sound of her worried and desperate. And he knew how she felt, could understand that she had to banish away the feelings of ineptitude that her ordeal had allowed to take root.

"I won't. You know I get it, don't you?" Deeks asked, needing her to understand he was on her side, was always on her side. She nodded silently, her chin rubbing his shoulder. "But I had to try. I just want you safe. I know I don't get to protect you every second of the day, but I had to try."

Kensi pulled back slightly, her smile knowing as she reached up to kiss him softly. "I know. And I love you for trying. But we've got a job to do."

Deeks nodded, once again relieved that she understood his motives for what they were, rather than assumed they were an attempt to control her. Kensi turned to head back to the bedroom and Deeks followed her, finding clothes in his closet that he hadn't worn for six months. They were a familiar and welcome break from his alias as Marty Tyler, even though Tyler's casual attire had been comfortable enough.

Before leaving Deeks crossed to his neighbor, grateful to find the older woman still up and willing to take care of Monty for a day or two. He and Kensi climbed into her SUV and Deeks drove to Kensi's apartment, finding Cody waiting at the sidewalk. The drive to OSP was quiet, Cody content to wait for the briefing still to come. Deeks watched the man in the rearview mirror and admired how calm and collected he was. He had that same alert patience that Sam did, watching, waiting, and calculating.

Parking outside of OSP, Deeks and Kensi led the way to the front door bearing the earthquake instability sign and warning against entry. Cody raised a curious eyebrow but followed them in, his smile widening as he took in the modified interior of the building.

"How very cloak and dagger of you guys. I approve."

"I'm glad to hear it, Major."

Cody, Kensi, and Deeks turned at Hetty's slightly amused tone. Out of the corner of his eye Deeks watched as Cody's eyes swiveled around, then dropped to Hetty, her slight stature a contradiction to her strong voice. Cody hid any surprise he might have felt well, his spine immediately straightening as he recognized the Operations Manager of OSP. It had nothing to do with actually knowing who she was and everything to do with Cody's innate perception that Hetty was clearly their leader.

Hetty waved a hand, a smile twitching her lips as she took in the imposing form of a Marine coming to attention.

"At ease, Major. We don't stand on ceremony here. Welcome to the team."

Cody relaxed his posture slightly and nodded. "Thank you ma'am."

"I prefer Hetty, Major."

The only sign that Cody was slightly off balance was his quick blink and nod. "Thank you, Hetty. For allowing me to assist in this NCIS operation."

"You are quite welcome, Major. After Mr. Deeks suggested I take a look at your service record, I had to see for myself. You have quite an impressive background. I called in a few favors at the DoD and had you assigned to NCIS until further notice."

Both Kensi and Cody wore twin expressions of disbelief while Deeks had to cover his mouth with a hand to hide his grin. He was very familiar with Hetty's ability to move mountains. He only hoped that Cody wouldn't ultimately regret volunteering his services. If Hetty had liked what she saw in his personnel record enough that she was willing to call in a few favors to have him reassigned, and if Cody impressed her with his skills in the field, it was likely she wouldn't let him go back to San Diego very easily.

"Hetty, did you _requisition_ Cody? Like you would office furniture?" Kensi asked in disbelief. Hetty cocked her head to the side thoughtfully, then nodded.

"I suppose you could say that. Though I have all the furniture I need. Good agents are significantly harder to find. When I see something I want, I go after it."

At Hetty's proclamation Deeks chuckled quietly, earning him a pointed look from Kensi. Hetty then turned to lead them upstairs to Ops. Kensi went to follow their boss and Cody sidled up to Deeks, his eyebrows knit in concern. Deeks just shook his head.

"Just go with it, man. It's not a bad place to work. And if when this is all said and done you want to go back to your old job, talk to Hetty. But don't be surprised if you like it here," Deeks said, giving Cody a quick slap on the back.

Cody nodded slowly, his eyes shifting to take in the offices and expansive open space around them. "I don't doubt that. But I don't think I've ever been handled quite so effortlessly. Not to mention it probably wasn't easy to get me reassigned."

Deeks grinned again, steering Cody upstairs. "What can I say? Hetty gets what she wants."

Cody merely nodded thoughtfully and then his eyes widened further as he took in the impressive technology and scale of Ops. While Cody looked around in amazement, Deeks glanced over and found Kensi off to the side, accepting heartfelt and welcoming hugs from Sam, Callen, and Eric. The three men surrounded her in a circle and Deeks couldn't help but be proud and grateful for how even though they were probably in one of the safest buildings in Los Angeles, everything in their body language said they were guarding Kensi.

Deeks knew it was a bit overprotective of all of them, just as he knew it was as instinctive as breathing. They'd all been worried when Kensi had been missing. And other than Deeks and Cody, none of them had seen her since well before she'd been kidnapped. They couldn't help the defensive posturing. If Kensi sensed it, and if it bothered her, she didn't let on.

It didn't escape Deeks' notice how Sam held Kensi close, his eyes closing in a silent prayer of relief that she couldn't see as he hugged her. And Deeks watched as Callen seemed almost hesitant to hug Kensi, his blue eyes turning angrily fierce as he took in the bruises on her skin as the obvious evidence of her injuries. Callen's eyes lifted to meet Deeks' across the room and he accepted the confirming nod the senior agent gave him. The people who had hurt Kensi would pay.

And Deeks watched as Eric awkwardly hugged Kensi, then as Kensi pulled back and her caring eyes swept over Eric's obviously exhausted face and body. Even though he couldn't hear the words, Deeks could see Kensi's lips forming in a concerned frown. And he recognized that she was giving Eric an admonishing lecture on how tired he looked.

After another few minutes, Hetty called them back together. Kensi came around to Deeks' side, leaning up next to him over the center console. He felt the solid weight of her and allowed his arm to slide around her back, giving her hip a gentle squeeze before he dropped his hand. Even if a part of him wanted to keep her close and secure, even in Ops, there had to be a line in their public displays of affection. As much as he wanted to flaunt that line, he knew they had to be professional. The slight lift of Kensi's lips into a smile and the blush that rose over her cheeks told him she didn't mind his touch, even if the setting wasn't entirely appropriate.

Hetty introduced Cody around to the team and both Sam and Callen nodded a greeting and shook his hand easily. Deeks knew the team was sometimes a bit insular and he was glad to see Cody seemed to have been so readily accepted. But then there was still one of their team out there and none of them was about to turn away highly skilled help.

Kensi briefed the team on her captivity, keeping the details cut and dry even though Deeks could tell it was a struggle for her. He watched the other men, noting how Eric couldn't possibly hide his desperate concern for Nell whenever Kensi spoke her name, the tightening in Callen's jaw, and the angry shake of Sam's head. As he studied each team member in turn, he saved his last glance for Cody. The Marine was watching them all quietly and thoughtfully, his brown eyes deepening with understanding. And when he lifted his eyes to meet Deeks' he nodded slowly, silently communicating that he felt and comprehended the bonds of their team. He understood that they were more than a team, they were family.

And when Cody's eyes broke from his, both he and Deeks automatically looked to Kensi. It had been instinctive to seek her out. She was neither related by blood or law to either of them. But they would claim her as their family as fiercely as if she were. Even though they'd been on the verge of physical blows not even twelve hours before, Deeks felt the answering kinship in Cody. It was easy to put aside differences and find common ground when someone you cared about needed you to.

Deeks picked up after Kensi finished, briefing the team on his conversation with Jesse. As he finished he turned to Hetty. "Any luck on getting Jesse's parents and sister into protective custody?"

Hetty nodded. "I was downtown just before we reconvened this evening. The FBI has them at a safe house under careful guard. They are not in the mood to bargain for Mr. Thompson's future as a free man but they will keep his family safe in exchange for his cooperation."

"So with any luck Jesse Thompson will be able to locate Santiago and Mateo Contreras and we can pass that along to the FBI. I say we let them handle their capture and we concentrate on going after Nell and Rachel," Callen said, his tone making it clear he wasn't really interested in entertaining any objections. The nods around the console were quick and then Callen continued. "So we're still waiting for Derek Smith to contact Deeks. Once that happens, what's the play?"

Remembering back to his conversation earlier in the evening with Sam, Deeks exchanged looks with the Navy SEAL, knowing he would understand some of the reluctance Deeks had in explaining the plan for exchanging himself for Nell and Rachel. Reasoning that Kensi wasn't likely to react any better no matter when he told her, Deeks plowed forward.

"Smith thinks Kensi is dead. Before he might have been able to bargain for me to give him the access code over the phone with the promise of then releasing his hostages. But now that he's gone back on that agreement I think I can bargain to make the exchange in person. We'll get a time and place from Smith and I'll go in to make the exchange: the access code for Nell and Rachel."

"No!"

Kensi's objection was loudly emotional and everything Deeks dreaded he would hear in her voice. He finally turned to look at her and felt his heart tear a little at the wildly fearful look in her eyes as she shook her head forcefully.

"You can't do that! You don't know how badly Derek and Dale Johnson want you dead. If you go in there they'll kill you," Kensi said urgently. Knowing her concern and understanding how she wanted to keep him out of harm's way, Deeks still had to shake his head.

"We have to take that chance. I can't just hand over the access code over the phone. It gives Smith too much of an advantage. By the time we can track down his physical location he could already kill Nell and Rachel. And I don't trust him to let them go out of the goodness of his heart. We have to do this. I'll have Cody, Callen, and Sam as backup," Deeks said confidently, depending on the strength and support of their team. Kensi's fearful eyes narrowed and she straightened her spine.

"And me. You're not going in without me."

"Kensi, you're in no shape to go in as part of the strike team," Sam objected softly, his eyes understanding of her stubborn drive while he tried to convince her otherwise. Kensi's jaw tightened.

"I'm going. There's no way I'm going to let my partner go in without backup."

"He's going to have backup, Kensi. We'll be there," Callen reminded her. Kensi whirled to face Callen, her eyes meeting his.

"Put yourself in my shoes, Callen. Would you be comfortable sitting back in Ops watching Sam go in on his own to meet some crazy criminals who wanted him dead and had already killed people? You know you wouldn't," Kensi replied. It was a somewhat low, but effective blow. Deeks watched as the words hit home and while Callen couldn't object, he also didn't want to give in. Thinking he might be the only one who could try and talk Kensi down, Deeks placed a hand on her shoulder to turn her to face him, but a voice interrupted anything he might have said.

"If I can make a suggestion?"

All eyes turned to Cody, his arms crossed over his chest. Callen nodded for him to continue and Cody fixed an unyielding stare at his sister. "Kensi, there's no way you can go in as part of the on-the-ground strike team. Your injuries are too severe and you'd just be a danger to yourself. We'd all be too focused on worrying about you to pull off the mission successfully."

As Kensi's eyes flashed with hurt and anger at the perceived betrayal, Cody cut off any objection she might have had. "But there probably isn't a civilian on this planet who can shoot as well as you can with a sniper rifle. I'd say let's plan to put you up on a hill or building near wherever this goes down so you can prevent any escape and watch all our backs. I know I'll feel better with you covering us."

Kensi seemed to waffle at Cody's words. Her expression was still argumentative but she glanced at Callen, seeing the implacability in his face. She seemed to conclude that Callen wasn't about to allow her to come along as backup and her only real chance to be a part of the mission would be as lookout and sniper.

Deeks watched as Kensi came down from her anger, her shoulders loosening in acceptance at Cody's words. She still didn't like not being right in on the action with them, but she was accepting she would still be a part of the team and the mission. Her quick glance in his direction told him that although she was trying to keep her contrary emotions bottled up that she still struggled. And Deeks understood. He knew she didn't want him in danger. But he also knew he had a job to do. And Kensi knew it too, even while her emotions tried to tell her otherwise.

"An excellent plan, Major. Now, considering we are still waiting for the call from Derek Smith that is coming in the morning and it is well past midnight now, I suggest we adjourn until early tomorrow. Everyone will go home and rest. Including you, Mr. Beale," Hetty said pointedly. Eric opened his mouth to object and Hetty's hand, moving in a sharply dismissive wave, stopped his protest. "Everyone, Mr. Beale. Things are likely to happen very quickly tomorrow and I won't have any of you too tired to perform."

Hetty's orders refuted any argument and they agreed to reconvene early the next day. Accepting the wisdom of Hetty's words despite their innate desire to do something to help Nell and Rachel, the team scattered their separate ways. Deeks and Kensi dropped Cody off at Kensi's apartment and returned to Deeks' home.

Closing and locking the door behind them, Deeks watched Kensi as she stormed towards the bedroom, his apprehension growing as he realized she was still angry about his plan to complete the trade for Nell and Rachel in person. He understood her anger. But he didn't see another choice or option. Not one that would result in an outcome where Nell and Rachel would be guaranteed as good a chance for survival.

Following her to the bedroom, he watched as Kensi quickly stripped her clothes, reaching for the tank top and pajama bottoms she'd worn earlier. When she yanked her shirt over her head it left her hair in a disheveled cloud he couldn't help but want to smooth down. Taking a hesitant step forward he laid a hand over her hair at the nape of her neck. She pulled away from him, her movements stiff from anger or pain, he wasn't sure which.

"Kens—"

"It's not a good plan. There are too many risks for you. I don't like it."

"I know."

"Even if Cody, Callen, and Sam are right outside, anything can happen in the few seconds it takes them to get to you."

"I know."

"Derek wants you dead. Dale wants you dead. And it's personal for them. They could shoot you right on the spot the second after you give them what they want."

"I know."

"But we need to get Nell and Rachel out. And this is probably the only way that gives them a shot."

"I know."

Kensi's voice had started out furious and accusatory, angry at him for suggesting something that would put him in danger. And Deeks had largely stayed quiet, not objecting because he knew the motivation for her all consuming concern. She didn't need him to argue with her. Not when she knew why he'd volunteered. But she still needed to be allowed to be angry about it, at least until she could talk herself around to accepting it.

When she finally took a deep breath, the air releasing with a shuddering sigh, Kensi turned around to face him, reaching forward to clutch his shirt in her hands, pulling him against her roughly. Although he was concerned about her injuries, Deeks realized Kensi needed the reassurance of him holding her. He circled her with his arms, tightening his grip on her shoulders and hugging her close. Kensi's breath was hot on his neck as she molded her body against him.

"You're not allowed to die. You promised you would never leave me."

Deeks felt his heart ache at her words. It would have been pointless of him to point out that he'd promised he would never _willingly_ leave her. Death wasn't something he could escape if his number was up. And his number had almost been up several times in his relatively short life. He could do his best to avoid it but no quantity of well-meaning promises would keep death at bay.

It wasn't fair for her to throw his promise back at him. Deeks knew that and Kensi knew that. But she also couldn't help the irrationality of her love for him.

If it was simple and logical she never would have climbed into a multiple car pileup just to make sure he was okay. She never would have appeared on the beach just because she missed him. He never would have staked out her favorite coffee shop two weeks in a row in hopes of catching her. She never would have insisted she be brought in on his undercover assignment. He never would have allowed her to join him just because the temptation of having her by his side was too great. And they never would have allowed their relationship to transcend their partnership.

Deeks wasn't angry at her accusation because he knew deep down Kensi understood what he had to do. She was allowed a few moments to be unreasonable and he knew the only thing he could do was be there for her. Instead of objecting or reminding Kensi that he was just doing his job, Deeks pulled back slightly, letting his hands frame her face.

Kensi's eyes lifted to his face, her eyes meeting his, then drifting over his features as if she were memorizing him, cataloguing him and locking him away in her mind. Deeks leaned down, kissing her forehead gently and then leaving his lips there, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath.

There wasn't much more he could say. He couldn't promise more than he already had. Kensi knew that and he knew she didn't want that. But he could acknowledge her feelings and tell her he would do everything he could to come back to her.

"I know."

* * *

><p>It was before dawn when Kensi woke. Initially she was startled and uncertain of her surroundings until she felt the warmth of Deeks at her side. She'd never slept in his bed at his apartment. He laid on his stomach, his face turned towards her, and Kensi shifted so she was cuddled up against him. Even in his sleep he responded, turning on his side to face his body towards her and drawing her close.<p>

Kensi closed her eyes, finding comfort in how tightly he held her. Her body still ached all over from the beatings she'd taken and the bruises that were still healing but it was the kind of pain that reminded her of how lucky she'd been to survive. And she didn't want to be handled gently. She didn't want to be overprotected or told she couldn't do her job.

She felt the moment when Deeks began to wake up. Aside from the change in his steady breathing, there was the automatic loosening of his arms around her. Kensi knew it was because Deeks worried he held her too tight and might hurt her. And of all the people in her life, she couldn't take that kind of coddling from him.

"Stop treating me like I'm something fragile that's going to break," Kensi said, her voice carrying some of the frustration she was feeling. Deeks pulled back from her slightly, his blue eyes pale and troubled as he looked into her face, and took in the stubborn set of her mouth.

"Can you really blame me for being a little careful? Kensi, you almost died yesterday. It's a miracle you didn't drown or get ripped apart in that water," Deeks replied, feeling his worry rise to the surface of his voice and let free some of his fears.

"But I didn't. I'm fine—" Realizing the error of her choice in words, Kensi grimaced and tried to continue but Deeks cut her off.

"Nope, no way. You don't get to brush this off. You were in serious danger. You don't have to tell me it's a part of your job or that bad stuff happens all the time. I said it to Cody and the General enough yesterday that I almost believed it myself. But if anyone gets to be freaked out of their mind and absurdly scared it's me, okay?"

Kensi wanted to object. She wanted to say she could handle it and he didn't need to worry. That she could handle anything life threw at her. But even she knew there were lies imbedded in her stubborn desire to prove she could do anything, take on any bad guy, and never let it get to her. There were times when it was too much and she was deeply terrified. And it always felt so lonely to have to face that all by herself. It also felt like weakness to allow someone to shoulder some of her fears but Deeks had begun doing that whether she'd wanted him to or not.

Looking up at his fiercely protective face, Kensi nodded slowly. She knew Deeks had a point. Being in a relationship like theirs meant adjusting and changing. If this kind of worry had come from any of her casual relationships (none of which she ever would have allowed as close as Deeks was) she would have nipped that kind of concern in the bud. But he was allowed to worry about her, just as she was allowed to worry about him.

Deeks read the change in her and pulled her close. Her silence was agreement and he was content to accept that. Kensi let her hand drift to the nape of his neck, let her fingers sift through the soft hair. And the low murmur of pleasure at her light touch made her smile, pleased that she could draw the involuntary reaction from him. His warmth felt so comforting she was tempted to sink into it, tempted to go back to sleep. But her mind quickly turned back to what was likely to unfold later that day. And she remembered that Deeks was also putting himself in the line of serious danger. And he wasn't the only one allowed to be absurdly scared.

She thought back to the moments before she'd been thrown into the river. She didn't remember much after that until she woke up in the hospital, but she did remember scattered thoughts of the people in her life, of the past, present and possible future. The images themselves were clear, as had been her certainty that her future was wrapped up in Deeks. It was what drove her and made her fight.

"Do you wonder what life is going to be like once this is all over?" Kensi asked quietly. Deeks kissed her neck softly, then pulled back so he could look at her face.

"What do you mean?" Deeks replied, lifting a hand to brush back a wild strand of her hair.

"I mean, what's day-to-day life going to be? Do we just keep on doing the same thing as partners during the day? And then on nights and weekends, we're this?" Kensi asked, laying a hand flat against Deeks' chest. Deeks looked at Kensi quietly, seeing the uncertainty coloring her eyes.

"That sounds pretty good to me. I don't want anyone else as my partner, Kensi. I think we can handle the work stuff. And there's no way I'm giving up on having more with you," Deeks proclaimed. His expression turned curious at her silence. "Isn't that what you want?"

Kensi heard the hesitation in his voice and was quick to reassure him. "Of course it is. But what about down the line? What happens if this doesn't work out?"

Deeks shook his head adamantly. "Not gonna happen. You've ruined me for anyone else. And now you're stuck with me."

"Marty, I'm serious," Kensi sighed. The sudden stillness of his body and his eyes locked on hers made her pause.

"So am I. I can't imagine anyone else. Ever. I know it won't be perfect, it can't be. But I'm all in. Whatever it takes to make this work. As long as you're in, too," Deeks replied fervently.

Thinking of the images she'd seen in her head, she couldn't help but press on. "I am. I want this. And say things are going great and we're doing great. What about later? What about years from now?"

Kensi danced around the words, a little hesitant and scared to say them out loud. Deeks watched her carefully and she silently pleaded with him to comprehend what she was trying to say. His eyes lit with understanding and then widened with what looked suspiciously like hope. That hopeful glint turned to delight and Kensi felt an answering smile lifting her lips.

"All in means exactly that, Kens. I want everything with you. I want as much as you'll give me. And maybe we don't know what that is right now, but we'll figure it out. If it means an apartment or a house in the suburbs, I'm there. If it means the picket fence, the minivan, the kids—" Deeks voice caught at the word and Kensi smiled softly, her heart swelling at the blatant want on his face. She saw then what he kept hidden so well. Deeks badly wanted children, even if he wasn't sure he deserved them. And she wanted them with him.

"I want that, too," Kensi whispered. Her heart ached at the light of wonder in Deeks' eyes. She knew it was a lifetime of rejection manipulating him. And it was a big chance they were talking about taking on each other. Just as Deeks feared being a good father, she didn't really know that she would make a good mother. But taking such a chance seemed a little easier if she was going to risk it with him.

"Really?" Deeks asked quietly, that same doubt she wanted to banish forever creeping into his voice. She could have just nodded in confirmation or given him a smile that would help alleviate any uncertainty he might have. But sometimes words really were needed. And sometimes the unsaid had to be declared.

"When they threw me in the river and right before I blacked out I kept thinking about all the moments and people in my life that meant something. Some of the memories were good and some of them were painful. But they were all a part of what made me who I am. But there were other images, too, things I hoped and imagined could happen. They were the things I want more than anything else," Kensi replied, reaching down to take Deeks' hands in hers, squeezing tight.

"What did you see?" Deeks asked almost hesitantly. Kensi let her mind drift to those images, let the comfort and longing she'd felt in her darkest hour wash over her again.

"A happy Christmas with you. Us relaxing in the backyard of a house. Picking out furniture with you. And you on the beach, carrying our daughter on your back and our son walking next to you," Kensi finished softly, feeling her heart pound at the impossible words. It still seemed like a far away dream. But it wasn't impossible, not anymore.

Kensi took in the awestruck look on Deeks' face and she smiled self-consciously. "I know it probably won't happen exactly that way. And maybe some of those things won't happen at all. But I knew then that I want them with you, and only with you."

Kensi's words were only a step away from a vow and she watched as Deeks nodded slowly. But it was the belief in his eyes that convinced her he trusted what she told him.

Closing the space between them, Kensi kissed Deeks, opening her mouth and angling her head to bring him as close as she could. He responded quickly, one arm going around her waist while the other cradled the back of her head close. He exhaled against her lips, his breath a little shaky as Deeks rolled to his back, bringing Kensi to sprawl over him.

Kensi slid over Deeks, her knees bending to cradle around his hips as she allowed her weight to rest on him fully. His lips moved to under her chin, his tongue tracing a wet path down to the hollow of her neck. Kensi arched her back, bringing her lower body into contact with his while the low moan and brief interruption of his concentration kissing her neck made her smile with satisfaction.

Gripping his shoulders, Kensi tugged on Deeks so that he rolled to cover her. He kept his weight off her with one arm planted next to her as his free hand drifted over and under her tank top to touch and caress her bare skin. There was still some stiffness thanks to her injuries but Kensi didn't care. The feeling of Deeks loving her was worth any lingering pain. He made her feel alive and grateful for every touch he gave her, every breath she took, every reaction he could coax from her, and every answering call she heard from his body.

Their clothes were gone and thrown to the floor before Kensi had a coherent thought. Her mind and body were focused on feeling his skin against her and on experiencing the throbbing waves of pleasure followed by blissful release. And when Deeks finally slid into her, his movements slow and drawn out to prolong the contact, Kensi opened her eyes to see how the light of the rising sun through the blinds almost made him glow.

They moved together, their bodies rising and falling with familiarity and intimate knowledge. Their joining was less about filling a need and more about confirming their connection. Their breaths mingled, their skin heated and dampened against each other, and their fingers and bodies entwined so that Kensi couldn't tell where she ended and Deeks began.

When tension held them tightly before fading to welcome release, Kensi lost her ability to breathe. When she finally remembered how to draw air into her lungs she did so painfully, her chest still tight from her ordeal in the river. She embraced the pain, happy to endure it since it meant she was alive. And Deeks' arms around her, holding her close as he couldn't stop kissing her, reminded her of her life and everything she had to live for.

They lay quietly together, enjoying the early morning sun while knowing their time was limited. Wishing they had the luxury of spending the day in bed only wrapped up in each other, but knowing that couldn't be possible until their assignment was finished, Kensi finally reluctantly rose from bed to shower and get ready. She got out of the shower to the smell of coffee brewing and accepted a mug and the kiss Deeks dropped on her forehead on his way to the shower.

Kensi dressed and managed to comb her hair, letting it dry in the cool morning air. She returned to the bathroom, leaning against the doorframe and watching with amusement as Deeks finished his shower, tossing her a wink and shameless grin as he toweled off and pulled on his boxers, jeans, and shirt. Kensi let her eyes brazenly drift over him, not missing how he seemed to stand up a little taller under her appreciative gaze. In their weeks of living together undercover she'd never really paid close attention to his morning routine.

When Deeks merely rubbed his hair dry, bypassing anything resembling a comb or hair product, Kensi shook her head in amusement. His wide and content grin pulled something low in her stomach and she softly smiled back.

"What?"

"Nothing." Kensi paused, then unable to help herself, blurted the next words out as she gestured at his head. "You really don't use a comb. I thought that was all carefully arranged."

Deeks shrugged. "Nope, I let the air do its thing. Or I style by pillow. Any news on Nell and Rachel?"

Kensi immediately sobered as she shook her head, following Deeks out to the kitchen to collect their phones and get ready to leave for OSP. She sent a quick text message to Cody to let him know they were on their way. By silent agreement Kensi allowed Deeks to drive and the ride to her apartment was quiet. Halfway there Kensi reached across the armrest to take Deeks' hand in hers, rubbing her thumb against his palm. The touch was as much to comfort her as it was to connect with him.

When Cody climbed into the backseat of the SUV Kensi released Deeks' hand, knowing he wouldn't be insulted by her need to keep their affectionate displays private.

Cody was bright eyed and alert, starting off with a lecture to Kensi about cleanliness and the deplorable sanitary conditions of her apartment. Kensi took the insults with a good natured smile, allowing Cody the small pleasure of teasing her like any older brother would.

It was still early when they arrived at OSP and when they joined the rest of the team upstairs in Ops Kensi was relieved to see that everyone, and especially Eric, seemed rested and ready to face the day ahead of them.

"Eric, can you pull up the possible locations in El Centro we talked about? Where we think they might be holding Nell and Rachel?" Callen ordered. Eric pulled up a number of aerial images, zooming in to what looked like two different warehouse complexes and a storage company.

"El Centro is about ten miles north of Mexicali and the Mexico border. It's an industrial city with a population of about 42,000 people. Considering they might want to keep a low profile but would also need something a bit private and nondescript, I came up with these three likely locations," Eric summarized.

Sam stepped forward, enlarging the aerial photographs to study the buildings. Cody came up next to him, both men searching and assessing for areas of cover and vulnerability. Cody tapped locations on each of the photos, turning slightly to Sam.

"There, don't you think?"

Sam nodded and they turned back to the group. Eric zoomed in on the areas Cody had tapped and Cody gestured to the screen.

"At each location those are the best spots to put Kensi for covering us. At the warehouse complexes there are nearby buildings that give her a good view of the area, and at the storage facility she'll have views of the exits."

Kensi fidgeted unhappily, immediately displeased with the locations. "But look at how far away they are. How am I supposed to get to you guys if you need more help?"

Looking around the room, Kensi felt realization sink in. That was exactly what Cody wanted, to keep her out of harm's way. And as she looked at Callen and Sam in turn, she saw the stubborn set of their faces and knew she wasn't going to get any further with them either. She saved her last glance for Deeks, finding the sympathy in his eyes to almost be overwhelming.

"Callen, don't you think Kensi could be located a little closer? It might be a good idea if things went sideways for her to be able to get to us quickly," Deeks suggested. Kensi let him see her gratitude, even as she knew what his suggestion had cost him. She knew he wanted her safe too. But he also understood her need to do something, to help cover her partner.

Callen shook his head resolutely. "I think this is the most solid plan. Kensi, normally I wouldn't even allow you to come along, not in your shape. It's up on a roof a distance away or you stay here. Your choice."

Kensi glared at Callen, knowing without even attempting to argue that she would get nowhere pleading her case. She nodded her annoyed agreement and listened as the guys continued to run through the most likely scenario for the operation. When they finally finished Kensi was quick to leave Ops, hating how she felt left out of having an important role in keeping Deeks safe.

Wanting to be doing something, Kensi headed for the armory, finding her sniper rifle and methodically taking it apart for a thorough cleaning. She was halfway done when Cody sauntered in, sitting on the bench opposite her. She spared him a quick glare before she wordlessly continued. Cody watched her thoughtfully for several minutes before he finally interrupted the silence.

"You know it's the right decision, Kensi."

With an angry huff, Kensi put down the brush she'd been holding and she began to reassemble the weapon. She shook her head, wishing it were as easy to shake away the anger and helplessness she felt.

"I know that. But I don't have to like it. And I don't need all of you coddling me and keeping me out of danger."

"Are you kidding me? You should probably still be in the hospital. I can't believe what your team lets you get away with. If it were my call—"

"It's not you call, Cody. And they don't 'let' me get away with anything. They trust my ability to get my job done. But in less than a day you've got them questioning that," Kensi said sharply. Cody shot her a knowing look.

"Kensi, you know that's not true. They're right to be concerned about you. Don't be angry at me or them for not wanting you to be hurt even more than you already are." Cody stood and laid a hand on her shoulder. "And don't be mad at yourself either. You have an important role to play, even if it's not the one you want."

Kensi bowed her head, feeling Cody's words cut deep into her heart. The feeling of being sidelined was there but she knew the motivation for it wasn't as much about being left out as it was that she wouldn't be right there behind Deeks, watching out for him. It shouldn't have surprised her that Cody understood that.

She raised her eyes to meet Cody's, letting him see the fear that gripped her. Normally she might have kept it hidden but she needed him to see it, needing him to understand how important her next words were. He took it in, his brown eyes turning serious.

"I need you to take care of him, Cody. I can't lose him. If I'm not there and something happens—"

"Kensi." Cody stopped her with a shake of his head. "I will take care of Deeks. You have my word."

Kensi nodded numbly, knowing there was some emptiness in Cody's promise. But at least he hadn't lied to her. He hadn't promised to bring Deeks back alive no matter what. She knew the honorable and determined man Cody was. If she couldn't be watching Deeks' back there were few people she trusted more.

Kensi finished assembling her rifle just as her cell phone beeped with an incoming text. Seeing it was an alert from Eric to return to Ops, she gestured to Cody and they returned upstairs in time to listen to Deeks talking with Derek Smith on the phone. Smith's voice came through the speakers and Kensi saw Eric working furiously to pinpoint the source of the call while Deeks kept him on the line.

"So why exactly should I trust a word you say? How do I even know Rachel and Nell are alive?"

"Look, man, killing Kensi was never a part of the plan. But I still have something you want. And you have something I want."

"I want to talk to them, Derek. Put them on the phone."

The hesitation on the line surprised Kensi. Smith really was unsettled by the turn of events her supposed death had caused. There was the sound of movement, then a familiar and quiet voice filled their ears.

"It's me, Deeks. We're okay."

Kensi's eyes flew to Eric, seeing him visibly pale as Nell spoke. Just as quickly Nell's voice disappeared and another female voice came over the line.

"Marty, it's Rachel. I'm okay. Is it true? Is Kensi really dead?"

Kensi felt her stomach plunge at Rachel's words, at the despair in her voice. She crossed her arms over her stomach, feeling a hard ache build that nearly made her bend over in pain. Rachel was so anxious for Kensi, her concern eclipsing any of her own fear. Kensi didn't know what to do with the answering weight of worry she felt for her friend. She felt the tears on her face and wiped them away, turning into Cody's warm half embrace as he put an arm around her shoulders. She so badly wanted to speak and put Rachel's mind at ease. But she couldn't.

"Yeah, she's gone. I'm sorry, Rachel."

Deeks met Kensi's eyes, the pain and regret easy for her to see. Rachel's anguished cry tore at Kensi and she latched on to Cody's strength, literally holding her up now. He leaned over and whispered in her ear so only she could hear. "She's okay, Kensi. And she's strong. You said so yourself. Remember that."

Kensi nodded hurriedly, trying to focus on the fact that Nell and Rachel were still alive and all they needed to do was rescue them. Rachel's crying faded away and Derek's voice filled the line again, irritation clear in his tone.

"There. You know they're fine. Now give me the access code and I'll let them go."

"No way, Derek. We're doing this in person. After what you let happen to Kensi I don't trust you to let them go."

Derek laughed harshly. "Like I'm supposed to trust that you won't show up with the FBI right behind you?"

"No FBI, you have my word. And like I said, we do this in person. I'll come in unarmed and give you the code. You let them go and we have a trade. No one is going to come in after you as long as you have them and me. And since we found out your real identity this isn't an FBI case anymore. NCIS doesn't care about the bank robberies, Derek. We just want to our people back."

It was a lie, and not even a very good one. Even if NCIS didn't care about the bank robberies, there was no way they could overlook the crimes he'd committed as Chad Keating, or his actions against Kensi, Nell, and Rachel. Everyone in Ops stayed quiet, listening as from probably hundreds of miles away Derek Smith weighed his options. Kensi held her breath, wondering what they would do if Derek refused the in person exchange.

"So you figured out who I really am. I'll bet that took some doing," Derek's voice was smug and grating. Kensi gritted her teeth, seeing as anger straightened Deeks' spine.

"I don't care who you are. Derek Smith, Chad Keating, it doesn't matter. All NCIS wants is the return of Nell and Rachel. The second you took one of ours and a civilian the game changed. I'm keeping the FBI away from you as I said I would. We make the exchange, get our people back and you go. Do we have a deal or not?"

"Fine, we have a deal. Four hours from now you come to the coordinates I'm sure you've tracked me to by now. But I don't trust you. If I even smell that the FBI is following you the deal's off."

Deeks affirmed with a nod to Eric that he had the coordinates and terminated the line with Smith. Eric automatically pulled up the aerial of one of the warehouse complexes in El Centro, having traced the call.

"Now that we know where they are, do we send in the local authorities?" Cody asked curiously. Sam and Callen immediately shook their heads. Callen gestured at the screen of the aerial view of the warehouses.

"We can't trust the local cops with this. We can get there on a Black Hawk out of Los Alamitos Army Airfield inside of two hours. That'll give us the time to get Kensi set up and position ourselves to back up Deeks. Hetty—"

"I've already called the commander at the National Guard at Los Alamitos. He has a helicopter waiting to take you to Imperial County Airport outside of El Centro. There will be vehicles on the ground when you arrive." Hetty paused, giving them each a quick glance. "Go quickly and safely. And bring Ms. Jones and Ms. Madison home."

The team scattered quickly, convening in the armory to pull on vests, gear and weapons. Kensi loaded and locked her sniper rifle in its case, pulled her bulletproof vest on and strapped on the right thigh holster for her gun. She slipped on a second thigh holster to hold a knife within easy reach. As she finished, Kensi looked up to see the rest of the team was ready, checking their weapons and stowing additional ammunition. She took the extra magazines for her handgun from Sam and put them in her vest, then glanced over to see Deeks hold his Beretta out for Cody to take.

The hard lump in her throat formed quickly and she almost couldn't breathe. Deeks wore a vest just like hers, covering his vulnerable center mass. Under the circumstances it was the best protection he could have and she knew that. She watched Deeks hand his gun to Cody, knowing the meaning of the gesture even if Cody didn't. Deeks didn't like anyone handling his gun. But he passed the weapon to Cody without even a flash of hesitation.

Cody stowed the weapon in his left thigh holster, ready to pass it to Deeks if and when he, Sam, and Callen had to come to the rescue. The quick and efficient gearing up was complete in less than five minutes. Glancing at his watch, Callen turned to Deeks.

"Any word from Jesse Thompson on the location of Santiago and Mateo Contreras?"

Eyes troubled, Deeks shook his head. Callen shook his head regretfully. "He needs to call soon otherwise we'll lose them and any chance we have of getting them on the bank robbery and kidnapping charges if we can't connect them through their access to the bank account data."

"I think he'll come through. We just need to give him a little more time," Deeks suggested. Hetty entered the room, giving Deeks a pointed stare.

"Let's hope he does. The FBI is chomping at the bit to join in on this operation. We're keeping the details to ourselves but it would be useful to give them different prey to hunt to keep them out of our way."

"I'll call you with the information as soon as he gives it to me. If the FBI can go after Santiago and Mateo then we'll concentrate on the warehouse in El Centro," Deeks replied. Hetty nodded her agreement and without further delay the team loaded into two vehicles and drove to Los Alamitos Army Airfield located thirty minutes south.

As Hetty had promised, a Black Hawk was waiting at the airfield upon their arrival. The flight to the Imperial County Airport was quick and they were on the ground again within two hours. Loading their gear into three waiting vehicles, Deeks heard his cell phone ring and answered it quickly, hoping Jesse had come through.

"Marty, it's Jesse. You're on your way?"

"Derek set up the meet. I'm on my way. Jesse, your family is in protective custody, you have my word." Hearing Jesse's relieved sigh, Deeks continued. "Now I need you to tell me where Santiago and Mateo Contreras are. Can you do that?"

"They have some offices in an old building in South Gate. It's where they started their business. I don't have an address but I heard Derek talking to Santiago earlier today. The offices are in the name of some distant cousin. They're waiting for Derek to get the access code from you, then they'll get into the bank account information and electronically divide up the money. After that it's a guarantee you won't be able to find Derek. He's planning to disappear with his brother. Santiago and Mateo seem to think they can't be connected to the bank robberies so I don't know how you're going to be able to prove that," Jesse said worriedly.

"Let us worry about connecting Santiago and Mateo to the robberies," Deeks dismissed. "Are you at the warehouse in El Centro? How many men are there?"

"Beyond me, Derek, and Dale there are about ten guys here. Armed to the teeth."

"Okay, thanks Jesse. Listen, we're going to be there soon. I hope this trade goes easy but I don't think Derek is going to let me or his hostages go without a fight. If things go south can I count on you to try and help Nell and Rachel?"

Jesse paused for only a second, his conscience clearly warring with self-preservation. "Yeah, I'll do what I can."

Deeks exhaled a grateful sigh. "Thanks, Jesse. I won't forget that."

"It seems like the least I could do since I couldn't help Kensi in the end," Jesse muttered softly. Remembering that Jesse still didn't know Kensi was alive and not wanting to give anything away, Deeks replied an affirmative mumble and then cut the line.

Glancing around at the team, he noted that they were all putting their earwigs in. Following them, Deeks activated his, passing along the information to Ops. Eric was able to quickly track the relative with offices in South Gate.

"Okay, I've got the location in South Gate. We'll pass that on to the FBI."

Hetty's voice broke in over the line. "Mr. Deeks, you have an hour until your scheduled meet at the warehouse. I suggest Ms. Blye get set up from her position overlooking the area and the rest of the team get in place to follow you in if need be."

Convening over a map, Callen showed Kensi the route she should take to drive into the warehouse complex. He then confirmed with Sam and Cody where they would park their vehicle a slight distance from the warehouse complex. Deeks would be able to drive straight there, the only one of them not under a covert cover or approach.

"Give us fifty minutes and then head in. It should be more than enough time to get into position. We'll be in touch if something happens," Callen finished, folding the map and tossing it into the car. Deeks nodded in agreement to Callen and Sam before they returned the gesture, as calm and professional as always. Cody gave him a lopsided grin, completely unperturbed by the daunting mission ahead of them.

The first SUV drove off and Deeks was left with Kensi. Kensi smiled at him, unable to completely tuck away her worry but he saw that her eyes were clear. She was focused and in control. Knowing that, Deeks could breathe a little easier. He had the best team he could possibly hope for backing him up. And they would get Nell and Rachel out.

Not really needing words to declare feelings they both already knew, Kensi reached forward, hooking her index fingers into Deeks' belt loops, bringing him as close to her as the layers of clothes and Kevlar would allow. Deeks brought his hands to encircle her forearms, squeezing gently. Kensi lifted her face to his, accepting the deep and all too brief kiss. When she pulled back and managed a smile, Deeks grinned back, his smirk lopsided and his eyes twinkling as he teased her with a low voice.

"Don't worry, Fern. I'll be back."

Remembering the last time he'd said that precise phrase to her, Kensi nodded mutely. She didn't trust herself with a response but she did trust him to deliver on his promise. He would do everything he could to come back to her. Of that she was certain.

Wanting to linger and not trusting herself to do so, Kensi finally backed away from Deeks, climbing into the truck the guys had left her. She watched Deeks in her rearview mirror and only tore her eyes away when he was too small to be even a speck of black and blond.

Following Callen's directions, Kensi approached the warehouse complex from the north, circling around to the far south side and to a building two hundred yards away from the target warehouse. She could certainly shoot from a farther distance, her best shot recorded at half a mile away, but she also wanted to be close enough to provide backup.

The warehouse complex was about thirty years old and starting to show its age. Most of the buildings were single story, corrugated metal with asphalt shingles and peaked roofs. Kensi quickly located the building Eric had identified as the origination of Derek Smith's phone call and she surveyed the area, finding the nearby warehouse with the best vantage point that Cody had identified from the aerial photo. Pulling her vehicle out of sight she activated her earwig.

"I'm setting up on the roof of the two story warehouse two hundred yards south of the target area."

"Copy that, Kensi. Callen and the others are in position outside the complex and waiting for your clear to enter."

Kensi confirmed Eric's transmission, then climbed into the bed of the truck, opening her rifle case to quickly assemble her sniper rifle. The weight of the weapon was solid as she balanced it on her right shoulder, then stood in the bed of the truck to climb onto the roof and then to the first story roof of the warehouse.

The climb wasn't easy going, her muscles protesting the strain of lifting her body weight, armor, and weapons while her lungs labored against the damage caused by her near-drowning. But Kensi was determined and most importantly, she knew her team was depending on her. Once she was on the first story roof, Kensi kept her body low and out of sight, finding a side ladder to the second story.

Slinging her rifle over her back, Kensi crawled on her stomach to the edge of the roof where she would have a clear view of the target warehouse. Positioning the legs of the bipod attached to the rifle, Kensi made the adjustments to the scope and quickly surveyed the area to report back to the team. She stayed absolutely still, feeling the slight breeze in the air and making mental calculations she would need to adjust her aim.

The warehouse complex was quiet. The target warehouse was two stories, with a pitched roof and dirty glass windows she couldn't see through. Kensi waited for several minutes, her eyes sweeping the entire area. There was no sign of human movement within a quarter mile of the warehouse. Reporting back to the team, Callen confirmed they were moving in.

Within fifteen minutes Kensi saw movement north of the warehouse. Looking through her scope she identified Sam darting between buildings with speed, making it so even she couldn't track him easily. Shifting her scope, she verified Callen was closing in from the east and Cody from the west. The three men paused at locations hidden from sight approximately one hundred yards from the target warehouse. Kensi checked again, still seeing no movement or signs of life from the warehouse.

Receiving her report, Callen gave the brisk order. "Deeks, time for you to move in."

It was another ten minutes and then Deeks drove right up to the warehouse from the north, exiting the vehicle and heading for the main sliding door, which was partially open. Just before he slipped through the opening Deeks glanced directly at Kensi's position, his eyes fixing precisely on her location as if his gaze were an arrow and she were the target. Only through her scope was she able to see the brief was warm smile he sent her way before he turned and entered the warehouse, disappearing from her sight.

Kensi took deep breaths, listening to the conversation inside the warehouse that followed. She'd been in this position before, situated a distance from her team and providing cover. But it seemed immeasurably harder wishing she were on the ground waiting to charge in as Deeks' backup.

The sun beating down on her, the oppressive weight and dark color of her bulletproof vest making her sweat, Kensi took deep and calming breaths. She stayed absolutely still, watching for any sign of movement within the warehouse or outside. Her heart began to pound louder as Deeks handed over the access code, endured Derek Smith's needling, and bargained for Nell and Rachel's release, all the while attempting to ensure that the FBI would have the evidence it needed.

It was Eric's triumphant voice that made the relief wash over her. "We have confirmation of the access to the bank account information. Hetty's sending the go ahead to the FBI to apprehend the Contreras brothers."

After another brief pause, Hetty's voice filled the comm line. "Mr. Callen, please retrieve our people."

Kensi allowed a small smile even as her heart raced. Hetty was referring to Deeks as much as she was Nell and Rachel.

"Cody, Sam, move into position."

Moving in almost perfect concert the team closed in on the target warehouse while Kensi squinted into her scope, wishing she could see something to aim at.

Finally though, it was Deeks' voice over the line that she focused on. "Derek, you've got no where to run. Go quietly and this will be much easier on you."

Kensi wasn't prepared for the first shot. The woman's cry of pain that followed had her heart leaping painfully to her throat. The initial gunshot set off a tornado of chaos as Callen, Sam, and Cody entered the building. Kensi felt her body shaking and she forced the tremors down, knowing she needed to be calm and steady in order to take whatever shot she might need to.

Any semblance of calm was shattered when another series of gunshots echoed through her earwig the sound reverberating against the metal of the warehouse. The seconds that passed were agonizingly slow but Kensi waited for some kind of sign that would allow her to breathe again. Her desperate wish was shattered when Sam's distressed words cut straight to her heart.

"He's been shot! Deeks is down!"


	28. Chapter 28

******Please see previous chapters for overall disclaimer, summary, spoilers, etc.** NOTE:**** Beginning in Chapter 16 this story is rated M. This chapter has some violence and language. You have been warned!**  
><strong><strong>Note:<strong>**** In light of the (I've been told) tortuous cliffhanger of the previous chapter, I decided to go ahead and post this chapter early. And as it turns out, Chapter 28 turned out way too long so I split it into two. Which means there will STILL be two more chapters after this, Chapter 29 and the Epilogue. If all goes according to plan I'll post Chapter 29 later this week. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for the various reviews, favorites, and alerts. And thank you to the amazing and incomparable, **MioneAlterEgo **(and inaugural CoRa shipper), for the constant advice, kindness, and support. Go read her fic, "Distractions," it's lovely and deserves a sequel ;)

Thank you for reading! And if you feel inclined to review, I appreciate that you take the time to do so!

* * *

><p>It was the longest fifty minutes of his life.<p>

Watching Kensi get in her truck and drive away from the airport and towards the warehouse where Rachel and Nell were being held, Deeks struggled to stay patient. He knew it would take time for Kensi to arrive, get in position, sweep the area, and report back so that the others could begin their infiltration of the complex. And since Callen, Sam, and Cody had to approach without being seen they would need time to sneak through the maze of warehouses to arrive within striking distance of the warehouse.

Waiting for the rest of the team to position themselves, it gave him some time to think. Deeks turned a slow circle around his SUV, kicking at the dirt and pebbles on the ground until he became impatient and leaned against the driver's side of the vehicle. He shoved his hands into his jeans pockets, trying to trap the nervous movement of his fingers.

Although the team checked in occasionally over the comm line, Deeks kept silent. The first stage of the operation was getting them in place and he didn't need to interrupt or distract any of them. But he thought of Kensi, pictured her scaling a building and setting up her sniper rifle.

His mind wandered to their conversation that morning. Other than when she'd told him she loved him for the first time, it was easily the most important conversation of his life. He'd been afraid to hope for what he truly wanted with Kensi. He'd wished for the possibility of a life they could share. Something permanent, something that would place him squarely as the most important person in her life in every single way. Even though he sometimes marveled at the reality of it, he knew emotionally he already was. But he wanted to make it officially legally.

Deeks knew it was a little crazy to be thinking marriage. And he wasn't assuming they would take a trip down the aisle right away. But the path was certain. The only question was how long it would take to get there.

Beyond that he'd only dared to consider the possibilities. Marriage meant family, even if it was just a family of two. He would be more than content with that for the rest of his life if that was what he had with Kensi. And he'd seen it in her eyes. Just as he was uncertain about being a father, Kensi was apprehensive about being a mother. But when she'd told him about what she'd seen before being thrown in the river and nearly drowning it brought him hope in a way he couldn't have latched on to before. Neither of them was quite ready right now. But they could be one day.

Deeks could imagine the vision Kensi had painted of them on the beach with their children. He wanted it with a ferocity he'd previously felt while pursuing all prior goals in his life: making it out of high school even while all on his own, graduating from college and law school, making it through the police academy, excelling at being an undercover cop, gaining Hetty's approval, and earning Kensi's friendship and trust.

Whatever happened he knew they would work through it together. That certainty in forging through a serious and committed relationship was still a bit unusual. But it was the most welcome and comforting feeling he could remember from his thirty-three years of life. Deeks allowed a glance at the southern horizon, thinking of their afternoon's mission. They just had to make it through the day.

As he'd come to expect with NCIS operations, it all went like clockwork. Kensi reported the area clear and the others got into position. It wasn't long after that and then Callen ordered Deeks to the warehouse.

As he approached he observed that the complex looked like any of the dozens of placed they'd stormed in the past, looking for drug dealers or stolen weapons and technology. They all had the same neglected and nondescript buildings with ample locations for hiding out and transacting shady deals.

Deeks parked his SUV a slight distance from the three other vehicles outside the warehouse, assuming those belonged to Derek and his cohorts. Exiting his vehicle, Deeks walked towards the open sliding door, his hand automatically reaching for a gun that wasn't there. The unease he felt had everything to do with the lack of control he had in the situation he was literally walking into. He had the best team possible backing him up, Deeks knew that. But being vulnerable was never something he liked.

Just before leaving the blazing sunlight for the interior of the dimly lit warehouse, Deeks turned his head south, finding the barest visual hint of Kensi on a rooftop two hundred yards away. If he hadn't known she was there he never would have seen her. But he felt her eyes on him and imagining the concentration on her face and the determined set of her lips, he gave her a smile before ducking into the warehouse.

Deeks immediately raised his hands high even as he heard the telltale click of metal-on-metal as a veritable arsenal was aimed directly at him. He stood still, letting his gaze drift over the expansive interior space of the warehouse, allowing his eyes to adjust to the darkness inside. He quickly noted the three men with guns pointed at him and Deeks kept his hands up as a fourth man approached and patted him down, checking for weapons.

The fourth man yelled an all clear behind him and then Derek Smith and Dale Johnson appeared from behind a pile of crates. Deeks noted the furious expression on Johnson's face, the barely contained rage. He couldn't really blame the man since Deeks had put him in prison. But Deeks just hoped that Derek could keep his brother under control long enough to make the trade.

Derek stepped forward, raising his gun to point at Deeks' chest. "The access code. Give it to me."

Deeks cocked his head to the side, raising a defiant eyebrow. "Nell and Rachel. Bring them out."

His brusque counter demand seemed to anger Derek as his eyes narrowed and his fingers tightened around his gun. Deeks allowed the anger he'd felt at seeing Kensi's injuries to rise up within him. He shifted his gaze to settle on the four men hanging back from Dale and Derek. Any of them might have been involved in beating Kensi. Any of them might have been the ones to throw her to her death in the river.

"This is really simple, Derek. The access code is in my head. You killed the one person in my life who meant everything to me. But you have Nell and Rachel. They are the only thing I care about right now. I really don't care if I live or not. But if you don't bring them out or they're dead, you'll never get the code."

Deeks kept his voice even and in control. He had to make Derek believe he meant every word. He had to get Nell and Rachel out in the open, had to be sure they were alive. Not to mention if Jesse's report had been correct there were still another six men somewhere else in the warehouse. He needed to draw as many of them as possible to where he was. Centralizing the threats so that when Callen and the others came in they would only have one area to target was a priority. Deeks didn't think for a second any of the men in the warehouse would give up easily. That meant containing them if he could.

Derek shouted behind him and they waited a few minutes until four more men appeared, dragging Nell and Rachel between them. Deeks kept still all while his heart lurched at the sight of the two women. They'd been held captive for two days and while he didn't see any signs of irreversible damage, his stomach roiled at the sight of Nell's bruised and battered face and their dirty and torn clothing. Both women looked tired and scared even while they tried to hide their feelings.

Deeks met Nell's eyes, letting her see the regret he could feel pulsing in his chest. She gave him a small smile and shook her head, absolving him of any blame. Despite that, Deeks had a feeling he would never quite be able to apologize enough for her getting pulled into his undercover.

But it was meeting Rachel's eyes that truly made it difficult for him to contain his fury. Rachel's face bore the signs of distress, her green eyes filled to the brim with tears and exhaustion pulsing through her every movement. Even still she struggled, tried to pull away from the men half carrying and half dragging her across the warehouse floor. Rachel's long blond hair was a filthy and snarled mess and Deeks couldn't stop his eyes from widening as he caught a glimpse of the blood smeared under her nose and the fresh bruises on the side of her face and around her left eye. She'd been beaten, and it had happened recently.

Unable to help himself, Deeks dropped his raised hands, his fingers curling into his palms and forming fists. He almost took a step towards Derek but at the last second the weapons aimed at him held him back.

"What the hell, Derek? What did you do to Rachel?" Deeks asked angrily. Derek snorted, then gestured with his gun at the men holding Rachel.

"I didn't do anything to her. After you told her Kensi was dead on the phone she went crazy. Took two guys to hold her down. They did what they had to."

Deeks took a closer look at the men who had Rachel locked between them. He took in the blood and scratches evident on their faces and the painful way one of the men stood and seemed to be favoring his side. Rachel glared at them in turn, and then lifted her chin defiantly as she met Deeks' eyes.

In any other circumstance he would have grinned at Rachel and given her a hug that would lift her off her feet. Rachel's physically angry response to finding out Kensi had been killed was so wonderfully foolish and so irrationally filled with love. Deeks knew that even for normal people who didn't work undercover and lie as part of their jobs like he and Kensi did that friends like Rachel were a rare thing.

_If someone good loves you then there must be something good about you._

For reasons Deeks couldn't understand he remembered to weeks back when Kensi had told him what her mother said to her as a child. Meeting Rachel's eyes with his, Deeks knew more than anything that he had to make sure Rachel was safe. She was more than a good person because she loved with fierce abandon and without much thought for herself. And anyone who loved Kensi as much as Rachel clearly did deserved every chance he could try to give her.

"Rachel," Deeks said, catching her attention. As much as he could appreciate and admire her fiery anger, he also needed Rachel calm and collected. "It's going to be okay, alright?"

Rachel's resisting movements subsided and she looked deep into his eyes, her heartbreak plain for him to see. But he silently implored with her to trust him. She finally nodded her understanding, her captors tightening their hold on her to keep her secure between them. Deeks gritted his teeth in anger as he saw pain flash over Rachel's face. But she stayed quiet, staying strong despite any discomfort she felt.

"You see them, they're fine. Now give me the code," Derek demanded, raising his gun again to Deeks' chest. Deeks simply stared back, and then he nodded towards Nell and Rachel.

"Let them go."

Derek shrugged. "Fine with me. But they stay inside. If you try to pull anything it's more like fish in a barrel anyway."

At Derek's gesture the men holding Nell and Rachel released them. Nell immediately crossed to Rachel and the two women held on to each other as much as their bound hands would allow as they limped over to Deeks, their shoes long lost. Deeks pointedly pulled them behind him and he let a hand squeeze Nell's shoulder for just a second before he turned back to Derek.

Derek was staring at him with a cold and sly smile on his face, shaking his head slowly. "And you see, I still get what I want but you'll never get Kensi back. I didn't tell Mateo to kill her but knowing what she meant to you and knowing you won't have her the rest of your life, I can't say it bothers me."

Deeks looked at Derek strangely. "Is this your idea of a good strategy? Piss off the one guy who can give you what you want?"

"Oh, you'll give me what I want. Even if it only gives you the barest possibility of saving those women you'll do it. You're a cop. I could never quite figure it out before but I finally see you're just like all those asshole Sailors and Marines I served with. So righteous and full of morality. All self-sacrificing and going on and on about serving their country. What did this country ever do for me? I've had to take everything I've ever gotten in life," Derek said, his voice full of disjointed rage.

"Is that what you did to Laney Porter? She didn't want you, didn't give you what you wanted, so you raped her?" Deeks replied shortly. Derek's eyes flashed cold with the memory and Deeks struggled not to shudder at the sickening pleasure he saw pass over Derek's face.

"She had it coming. Teased me, took every drink I brought her, didn't want to pay up in the end."

Deeks shook his head, knowing there was no point in countering Derek's sick reasoning.

"Where's your computer?" Deeks asked shortly, knowing that while Rachel and Nell were relatively secure behind him, he still had to try and get the FBI the information they needed to arrest the Contreras brothers.

Keeping his eyes fixed on Deeks, Derek raised his voice to yell through the warehouse.

"Jesse!"

Coming from some hidden corner of the warehouse, Jesse brought a laptop computer forward to Deeks. Jesse looked at Deeks, his nervousness clear in his eyes and how his body nearly shook. Jesse kept a firm grip on the computer, lifting it up so Deeks could access the keyboard. Deeks allowed a quick glance at Jesse's face, keeping his expression calm as he wished there was some way he could help Jesse stay composed. Derek stepped forward to stand to the side of Deeks and Jesse, pulling out a phone and dialing as Deeks reached for the computer keyboard.

"Santiago. We're about to access the bank account information. As soon as I have the link established here I'll access your computer and pass along the data to you so you can start moving the money. Stand by."

Deeks typed the address to the online storage site Eric had set up under the guise of Marty Tyler's software and hacking skills. Deeks knew that the storage site had exactly what the cartel and Derek wanted. But the second they accessed the account data that would provide a clear physical and traceable link back to whoever accessed it. And it looked like both Derek and Santiago would be accessing the information around the same time, making the FBI's case rock solid.

Taking a deep breath, Deeks pulled up the password access screen, typing the long string of numbers and letters Eric has made him memorize. The screen blinked for a second, then came alive with pages and pages of names, account numbers, addresses, social security numbers, and most importantly, the access to the money.

Derek grabbed the laptop from Jesse and set it down on a nearby table. His hands flew over the keys as he skimmed through the data, his eyes lighting with satisfaction as what he hoped to find streamed over the screen in front of him. Derek didn't spare him another glance and Deeks strained to listen as he spoke on the phone to Santiago Contreras.

"I've got the bank account data. Linking with your computer now. Are you getting this?"

There was a brief pause and then Derek grinned, an excited yell exiting his mouth. Deeks felt his heart begin to pound loudly, knowing while Derek and Santiago thought they had everything they wanted it was only a matter of time before Eric tracked them. It was probably only a few minutes but he felt every second crawl by. And then Eric's voice, confident and relieved, filled his ear.

"_We have confirmation of the access to the bank account information. Hetty's sending the go ahead to the FBI to apprehend the Contreras brothers."_

Deeks could imagine what was probably happening in South Gate at that moment. The FBI at the doors of whatever office building the Contreras brothers were holed up in, breaking down the door, ordering the men inside to surrender any weapons and lay on the floor.

He saw the instant that Derek realized something was wrong. Still on the phone with Santiago, confusion filled his eyes and he whirled away from the laptop.

"Santiago! What's going on? Can you hear me? What's—"

The line must have gone dead because Derek pulled the phone away from his ear, staring at the phone in shock. Shock was quickly replaced with a flash of fear and then anger. Deeks felt his heart begin to pound and he forced down the reaction, taking a deep breath to center himself. There might still be a chance they could get out of the warehouse without gunfire. If Derek realized there was no way he would get away he might give up.

Having spent almost six month with the man Deeks had a sinking suspicion that wouldn't be the response Derek would fall back on. Derek was much more likely to react like a caged animal, fighting and doing whatever was necessary to escape.

"_Mr. Callen, please go in and retrieve our people."_

Hetty's voice in his ear had a calming effect. He knew then that the others were right outside. One way or another these men would not be getting away.

"_Cody, Sam, move into position."_

Imaging Callen, Sam, and Cody just outside filled Deeks with confidence. He stepped towards Derek, making sure to keep Nell and Rachel behind him. Jesse took a subtle step to the side, also angling his body to cover Nell and Rachel. And though Deeks didn't allow a glance in Jesse's direction, he felt a surge of pride at how the younger man, previously so scared of standing up to Derek, was finally doing what was right.

Deeks kept his hands open and wide, kept his eyes steady on Derek. From the corner of his eye he saw Dale moving towards his brother, anger and agitation nearly shaking his body.

"What did you do?" Derek asked lowly, his voice calm while somehow also filled with rage. Awareness seemed to dawn on his face as he realized Jesse now stood next to Deeks, clearly opposing Derek. Derek's angry gaze narrowed and his voice hardened further as he directed his next question towards Jesse. "_What did you do?_"

Jesse lifted his chin and stood his ground. "You went too far, Derek. Just stealing money was one thing. But the drug cartel? Killing Mike and that woman at the bank? Taking hostages and letting a woman die?"

Not wanting to prolong the conversation, Deeks interrupted, drawing Derek's attention back towards him. "Derek, you've got no where to run. Go quietly and this will be much easier on you."

For a second Deeks thought Derek might give in. His shoulders loosened, his hand holding the gun dropped and pointed the weapon at the floor. But when Derek finally spoke, his words were oddly tired.

"Nothing is ever easy."

Deeks tensed, waiting for Derek's reaction. When he finally looked up the dejection was replaced with a stubborn set on his face that told Deeks surrendering was not going to be the option Derek would take.

Derek moved quickly but Deeks was ready, having seen how volatile Derek could be when he'd shot the bank teller and Mike without hesitation. Derek also had surprisingly good aim and moved quickly. The gun in Derek's hand shifted from pointing at Deeks to just behind him. Deeks moved to intercept, reasoning that at least he was wearing a vest while Nell and Rachel were completely unprotected.

What Deeks hadn't been prepared for was Jesse, who dove towards Derek, colliding with the man just as the gun went off. Deeks blinked, the realization that he hadn't been hit taking a second to register. But it was the cry of pain behind him that had him whirling around to see Rachel fall to the ground, her right leg giving out from under her after the bullet pierced her thigh. Nell tried to help catch Rachel to cushion her collapse but the bindings around her hands made it difficult, resulting in the two women falling to a heap on the ground.

The reaction was instantaneous. While Jesse valiantly tried to wrestle Derek's gun away from him the cartel members took positions of cover and began to open fire in Deeks' direction. Deeks responded quickly, grabbing both Nell and Rachel by the clothing at their necks and hauling them behind a makeshift cover of crates. By pure luck or bad aim he managed to get all of them safe without any more gunshot injuries.

Deeks ducked down, trying to stay out of sight as he heard the return fire from Callen, Sam, and Cody's guns as they entered the warehouse. The responding gunfire told him that the cartel members were now occupied with the new targets. The team still had to navigate through the maze of crates and other obstacles to get to them and Deeks more than wished he could stay hidden behind his cover until the cavalry could get to them.

But Deeks heard the sounds of Jesse and Derek struggling and he couldn't stop himself from looking to see what was happening. Jesse had managed to get the gun away from Derek but the two men wrestled on the floor, both trying to scrabble towards the weapon. Derek delivered a hard punch to Jesse's jaw, stunning him so that Jesse sprawled on the floor, unmoving. As Derek lunged for the gun and stood, towering over Jesse and pointing the weapon down at him, Deeks moved quickly and instinctively.

Tackling Derek, Deeks hit the ground next to the man, gasping and trying to draw air into his lungs. He hadn't had time to compensate for the fall and his vision swam a little after his head slammed into the concrete floor. Before he could really collect his thoughts Deeks forced himself to roll onto to his knees, trying to get to his feet. He glanced over at Jesse, finding the younger man looking at him gratefully.

The gratitude in Jesse's face faded instantly to a warning. "Marty! Watch out!"

The warning was useless as Deeks heard the gunshot and felt the bullet tear through his left shoulder. He'd been using his arms to help push himself up from the ground and the bullet ripping through muscle caused his arm to give way and he hit the ground hard on his injured shoulder. Still trying to stay on guard against attack, Deeks rolled to his back, desperately looking around for who was shooting at him.

To his left Deeks caught sight of Derek finally getting to his feet, his weapon in his hand. But just behind Derek, Deeks caught sight of Dale, his gun extended and pointing directly at Deeks. Watching Dale approach and check on his brother, Deeks knew he didn't have much chance unless the team could get to him. He had no doubt they were trying, but at the moment he, Jesse, Derek, and Dale were at the center of the storm. Gunfire surrounded them to the point that all Deeks knew was that it sounded as if Callen, Sam, and Cody were holding off all ten cartel members in a slow standoff.

Deeks glanced over to Jesse, seeing the resigned misery on his face. It definitely didn't look good for either one of them. He could feel the wound in his shoulder burning with pain, felt the warm, sticky dampness of blood pooling between his shirt and Kevlar vest. The bullet must have hit him right at the juncture of his arm and shoulder, just at the edge of the protective body armor.

Still on his back, Deeks tried to sit up but found his body wouldn't cooperate. And then Derek and Dale stood over him, guns pointed down at him while twin expressions of grim satisfaction filled their faces. He could imagine what Kensi had seen when she thought she was dying. He almost wished he saw the same things, saw what his life had been, what he'd accomplished, what he might have done, the life they might have had together, and the children he might have loved.

But all he could think of, all he could see was Kensi. His mind was full of her and he thought of her a tenth of a mile away, looking through her scope, hearing the gunfire and no doubt blaming herself that she wasn't in there with them. But he felt a surge of appreciation that she wasn't. She was safe. And Nell and Rachel would probably be safe too. They were at least out of the line of fire and the team would get to them. If he did nothing else in his all too obviously short life, that was enough.

Deeks kept the fear from his eyes as he looked up at Derek and Dale. This wasn't a fate he wanted, but he could face it with as few regrets as possible. And in the end, on that day, he'd done everything he could to keep the people he cared for safe.

Gunshots sounded hopelessly close and the pain washed over him in rolling waves and Deeks closed his eyes and took a deep breath, not sure if he'd been shot again and his nervous system was just overloaded. His vision blackened and blurred and when he open his eyes again Derek and Dale were gone. He took a deep breath and tried to stay conscious, his gaze focusing on Sam's face swimming above him, the Navy SEAL's concerned eyes sweeping over him. Sam tapped his earwig, his voice measured and controlled while also filled with worry.

"He's been shot! Deeks is down!"

The sound of movement to the side alerted Deeks and he craned his neck, watching as Cody approached, upside down from Deeks' point of view.

"I got him, Sam. Go cover Callen."

Sam left then and Deeks blinked carefully, concentrating on Cody as the Marine forced him into a sitting position. He groaned in pain and Cody was unapologetically forceful as he handed him Deeks' Beretta from where it had been tucked in his thigh holster.

"Sorry, man. I doubt it feels like it, but you'll be fine. It's just a shoulder wound, the bullet went straight through. But I kind of need you to help me cover the others while Sam and Callen go after the other six guys still shooting at us."

Deeks took the gun, grateful at least he hadn't been shot in the right shoulder. Latching on to Cody's words, he shook his head in confusion.

"Six guys? I thought there were ten?"

"We got four of them so far. And I winged one of the guys about to shoot you again and they both took off."

Deeks pushed back the pain and rising nausea, finding it easier as he finally crouched next to Cody behind a crate. He looked around to the opening, seeing that Jesse had disappeared. He glanced back at Cody questioningly.

"Did you see what happened to Jesse?"

Cody shook his head once before setting off a stream of defensive gunfire in response to several shot aimed their way. "Nope. I was kind of focused on making sure that one asshole didn't put another bullet in you. Kensi would kill me if I didn't bring you back in one piece." Cody then gave him a quick once over, then offered up a rueful grin. "Or at least in _mostly _one piece."

It was as Cody bent his head and reached to activate his earwig that Deeks realized his had fallen out in the scuffle on the floor. He looked and didn't see it, but glancing back at Cody, knew there was a heated conversation going on over the comm.

"No, Kensi! Stay where you are. Deeks is fine. He's been shot but he's not dying." Cody paused, and then rolled his eyes, a good-natured grin on his face. "_Yes_, I swear. He's fine. We're fine. Now keep an eye out, two of the guys looked like they were going to make a run for it."

Cody terminated the comm, and then gave Deeks a grim smile. "I think she bought that."

Deeks was instantly alarmed. "Which part? About me being fine? What aren't you telling me?"

"You're fine, Deeks. I'm more concerned about the other six guys in here shooting at us. But I don't want Kensi coming down here and putting herself in the line of fire," Cody said decidedly. Deeks nodded, in complete agreement. He glanced back in the direction he'd left Nell and Rachel.

"Did you see Nell and Rachel on your way in?"

Cody shook his head quickly. "I didn't, but I came around the other side."

Deeks nodded, worriedly thinking of Rachel. "We should get back to them. Rachel was shot, but I don't think it was too bad."

Cody's eyes flashed angrily and Deeks didn't have to ask him to elaborate over his automatic, protective response. Shooting an unarmed woman was reserved for a special kind of despicable person. And Cody was a born and bred soldier. He'd long been taught to protect others.

Deeks motioned Cody forward and after laying down some cover they ducked down and around several stacks of crates. Deeks took deep breaths as the movement aggravated his shoulder wound. His heart pounded in anticipation, thudding with worry for Rachel as he turned the corner to where he expected Nell and Rachel to be. He worried that Rachel's injury might have been worse than it initially looked. He didn't want to imagine that she might die.

Nell looked up as Deeks and Cody rushed towards them, initially startled at the sight of Deeks bloody and bruised and Cody's fully armored but unfamiliar face. She was trying to keep pressure on Rachel's leg wound despite the awkward angle of the zip ties around her wrists. Nell's eyes lit with relief as she saw Deeks. "You're okay!"

Deeks nodded, giving Nell a quick half embrace with his uninjured arm before he pulled back and frowned at her bound hands. Looking to Cody, the Marine tossed him a knife, which he managed to catch with his left hand, trading the gun for the knife and cutting Nell free. Nell immediately went to Rachel, unbinding her hands and trying to inspect her injury.

Rachel finally looked at Deeks, her eyes tired and her skin pale. She tried to smile and Deeks gave her a reassuring grin. Cody crouched down next to Rachel's side, taking control of the situation from Nell as he moved the compress away from her leg. Making a quick assessment, Cody then lifted his eyes to look at Rachel, who was studying him curiously, through whatever pain she was feeling.

"You should be fine. It looks like the bullet went straight through and the blood is already stopping."

Rachel nodded slowly as Cody leaned over her, pressing his fingers to her throat and quickly taking her vitals. He frowned as he counted the beats of her heart, then pressed a hand to her forehead, checking her skin temperature. He glanced at Deeks.

"She'll be okay for a little while but we need to get her to a hospital soon."

Deeks nodded while Nell looked at Cody suspiciously. Unable to help herself, she blurted out her curiosity. "Who are you?"

Cody gave Nell and Rachel each a quick smile. "Major Cody Keppinger, USMC. Kensi's brother."

As both Nell and Rachel's faces fell with sympathy Deeks immediately remembered that they still thought Kensi was dead. Before he could speak, Rachel was reaching for Cody, laying a comforting hand on his arm.

"I'm so sorry about Kensi," Rachel whispered. Cody looked both confused by her empathy and surprised by her light touch on his arm as she reached out through her pain to comfort him.

"Kensi's not dead," Deeks rushed to explain. Nell and Rachel looked shocked as he hurried on. "We had to let Derek think she was dead. But she's outside, covering the area as look out."

Deeks could see the questions forming in Nell's and Rachel's heads but then Cody ducked his head, listening to his comm before he activated it to speak.

"Copy that, Callen. Kensi, sit tight."

Cody looked straight at Deeks, hesitating only a second before he spoke. "Callen and Sam are trying to contain the last couple of cartel members. Kensi has Dale Johnson and Derek Smith pinned down outside but she needs some help."

"I'll go," Deeks replied shortly. Looking uncertain, Cody began to shake his head until Deeks interrupted any argument he was about to offer.

"No, you need to stay here. Cover Nell and Rachel in case any of those guys come back around. You're in a better position to defend two people than I am. My shoulder isn't doing too great but I can still shoot a gun," Deeks said grimly. And he didn't need to add on that if Kensi was in danger or in need of help he wanted to be the one to go after her.

With another quick glance at Nell, Deeks assured himself that she and Rachel were in good hands. Although his shoulder ached sharply, Deeks forced the pain away and moved towards the sliding door that he'd originally entered the warehouse through.

The sunlight was nearly blinding and Deeks quickly surveyed the area outside the warehouse, looking and listening for any sign of Kensi. He expected to hear the sharp crack of her sniper rifle if she was trying to keep Dale and Derek pinned down. The absence of the sound was troubling and he glanced in the direction where Kensi had been set up on top of the nearby building two hundred yards away. And he was immediately alarmed to see that her rifle was still in place but she was gone.

Deeks stayed low but circled around the exterior of the warehouse, approaching the vehicles that had been parked outside. And that was where he found Kensi and Derek in the middle of a vicious and dirty fight. The fight didn't worry him so much; even sore from her injuries Kensi could still hold her own, at least long enough for him to get to her. He saw a gun on the ground a short distance from them, their fight a clear struggle as they both tried to get to the weapon.

But as Deeks ran closer towards Kensi and Derek he allowed his sweeping gaze to take in the area around them. And he saw Dale Johnson, struggling to sit up as he clutched at his chest and an obviously fatal bullet wound. What terrified him was the gun in Dale's hand and the determined concentration on the man's face as he lifted the weapon to fix on Kensi, oblivious to the new threat as she fought to subdue Derek.

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><p>From her rooftop vantage point Kensi heard Sam's worried yell that Deeks was down and he'd been shot. She froze in place, everything in her screaming at her to jump down from the building and run to the warehouse to protect her partner. But she also knew she needed to stay where she was to provide protection to her team on the ground.<p>

Shot didn't mean dead. Kensi reminded herself of that fact, repeating the mantra in her head over and over as she impatiently waited for some kind of status report from her team inside the warehouse. She wanted to ask for details on what was happening inside but she knew demanding answers while Callen, Sam, and Cody were probably just concentrating on not getting shot while also trying to protect Nell and Rachel inside wouldn't help.

She wasn't a soldier but she was a soldier's daughter. She'd never been in combat in the strictest sense but Kensi knew the consuming rush of adrenaline and fear that followed in the middle of a firefight. She wasn't in the thick of it at the moment but she had to stay alert. She had to be there for her team. Even while she desperately wanted to know what had happened to Deeks.

The gunshots continued inside the warehouse and Kensi struggled to remain in place and calm. Finally though, she couldn't take it anymore and she had to know. Activating her comm, Kensi spoke tersely. "Sam, what's going on? Do you need me to come down there? There's no movement outside the warehouse and it sounds like you could use my help."

Instead of Sam, Cody's hurried voice filled her ear.

"_No, Kensi! Stay where you are. Deeks is fine. He's been shot but he's not dying." _

Relief pulsing through her, Kensi closed her eyes briefly in thanks. But she couldn't leave it alone, not without knowing more. "Cody, are you sure?"

She swore she could practically hear him rolling his eyes at her demand for answers. _"Yes, I swear. He's fine. We're fine. Now keep an eye out, two of the guys looked like they were going to make a run for it."_

Kensi considered her options. She could disregard Cody's words and hightail it down to the warehouse to help her team. That would have been the emotional response, the reaction that spoke to her love and concern for Deeks and her team. They were certainly outnumbered and could use the help. But her part of the mission was clear. She needed to watch for anyone trying to escape to stop them.

Although it sounded as though their primary mission, to retrieve Nell and Rachel, had been successful, there was still the pressing matter of capturing Derek Smith and Dale Johnson. Both were guilty of multiple crimes and Kensi had a feeling if Derek managed to escape that he was crafty enough that he might not reappear again for years.

Her duty as an NCIS agent was clear, as much as she wanted to give in to the part of her that loved and wanted to protect Deeks. She knew even injured Deeks could handle himself. He'd proven time and again that even injuries from bullets wouldn't stop him. And she had to trust that their team would take care of him and each other.

Even though it was a difficult decision for her to make, Kensi knew it was the right one. She knew Deeks was alive. And she knew if he had any say in the matter he would stay alive for her. Knowing it would have to be enough for now, Kensi nodded and redirected her gaze to sweep the area around the warehouse. "Copy that. No sign of anyone leaving the warehouse."

The words had barely left her mouth when two men emerged from the warehouse. Through her scope she quickly recognized Dale and Derek. As they moved quickly towards one of the waiting vehicles Kensi took swift and purposeful aim, firing off one shot.

Dale Johnson went down on one knee as his other leg folded underneath him from where she'd shot him. Although Kensi wasn't opposed to taking him out altogether, wounding him for capture was always the first option. The response was instantaneous as Dale fired back in her general direction. Derek dove for cover behind part of the building, her shot convincing him to move back towards the warehouse. Dale continued to fire in her direction, his aim off but still close enough to be uncomfortable. He was still a threat.

Derek took a couple shots in her direction and although they were pretty far off the mark, Kensi made the quick decision, aiming through her scope and shooting Dale Johnson in the chest, the bullet hitting just to the right of his heart. He collapsed on the dirt ground instantly, his body going limp. Although capture was always preferable, two targets shooting at her was a needless risk.

Kensi didn't feel any remorse. It was her duty to eliminate threats to herself, her team, and to others. And Dale Johnson was a clear threat. Even from a distance of two hundred yards she heard Derek Smith yelling his brothers name, his voice pitching high with desperation and loss. The only regret Kensi felt was in knowing that Derek Smith was now as dangerous as he could possibly be. He'd lost everything and she had no doubt he wouldn't hesitate to kill anyone who got in his way. Especially the person who had just killed his brother.

She watched as Derek made a move to cross the short distance from his hiding place to his brother's body. She fired off two shots to convince him to stay put. Derek scurried back, ducking behind the corrugated metal wall of the warehouse.

Watching through her scope at the wall where Derek was hidden, Kensi's world focused down to just her and Derek. She knew he was there, calculating and considering his options, just as he was on the ground, probably wondering if he could risk it and make a move towards one of the vehicles. She couldn't allow him to get into one of the cars. Although she might still be able to take him out or impede his escape, it became infinitely harder if he could gain cover and drive away.

Another series of gunshots sounded inside the warehouse and Kensi glanced that direction briefly, cursing as she saw Derek make a dive for cover behind one of the cars. She laid down several shots, disabling the vehicle by shooting out the tires and putting half a dozen shots into the car's engine. That still left two other vehicles for Derek to try for and she didn't have a clear shot to disable those.

Activating her earwig, Kensi spoke calmly. "I've got Derek Smith trying to make an escape. He's hiding behind one of the vehicles but I don't have a clear shot to take him out."

"_Kensi, keep him pinned down if you can. Sam and I will try and get out there. Cody, see if you can break away and get outside to help Kensi."_

Kensi nodded to herself at Callen's words. Cody spoke next, his voice brisk.

"_Copy that, Callen. Kensi, sit tight."_

It was at that moment that she realized Derek had managed to sneak under the vehicle she'd disabled and he was moving towards one of the cars and she wouldn't be able to see him to aim and fire. Despite Cody's order that she stay where she was, she knew she couldn't let Derek go. She had to do everything she could to stop him and she couldn't do that from her rooftop vantage point. Abandoning her rifle, Kensi backtracked down the ladder to the first stop, then jumped down to the bed of her truck and to the ground.

The swift descent was jarring and she gritted her teeth against the responding pain that rattled through her body. As soon as her feet hit solid ground she ran towards the vehicles outside the warehouse, her faster sprinting pace not diminished by her injuries. Pushing past the pain was easy when she needed to. She could allow the pain to come later.

Nearly breathless as she ran, she reported to the others that she was going after Derek, hoping that one of them would be able to help her. She wasn't a fool; she recognized she wasn't quite up to her full fighting strength and could use all the support she could get.

Kensi circled around the vehicle, finding Derek desperately ducked down in the cab of the truck as he tried to search for the keys and tried to stay out of sight of the sniper he knew had been shooting at him. Kensi pulled out her gun, aiming directly at Derek.

"Stop! Show me your hands!"

Derek froze at her commands, his head turning slowly to look at her in disbelief. Kensi struggled to breathe, not wanting him to see how affected she was by the run or her injuries. She gave him what she hoped was a confidant smile.

"Surprised to see me? Out of the vehicle. Keep your hands where I can see them."

"You're dead. How did you—"

"I'm harder to kill than I look. Unlike your brother," Kensi said shortly. As Derek's eyes hardened with anger he also turned to grab for the gun just out of reach on the car's console. Kensi fired, shattering the vehicle's windshield and forcing Smith to pull back. He glanced at the gun and then back at her, seemingly realizing he wasn't going to get to his weapon.

"Give me a reason to shoot you, please," Kensi replied, her voice full of fury as she thought about all the criminal and manipulative things Derek had done. She thought about the crimes he was suspected of from his time in the Navy, about the breaches in national security, the rape of Laney Porter. And she thought about the crimes he'd committed during the bank robberies, including the deaths of an innocent woman and Mike Williams. He'd orchestrated her, Nell's, and Rachel's kidnapping. He'd put numerous people through pain all because he had no integrity and no regard for human life.

There was a brief flash of unease in Derek's eyes as he studied her, clearly unsettled by the version of her so different from who she'd been as Kensi Sullivan. Although he'd thought he could manipulate her alias, he was no match for Kensi Blye. Derek finally raised his hands up and began to slide from the truck. She wasn't fooled by the show of surrender and Kensi stayed on alert. Letting her guard down around Derek was something she couldn't allow.

The gunshots inside the warehouse were still sporadic and Kensi knew she couldn't entirely count on immediate backup. They would be trying to get to her but she had to make do until then and she had to contain Derek. Reaching for a zip tie tucked into her vest with her left hand, she gestured for Derek to turn around so she could handcuff him.

"Turn around. Hands behind your head and interlock your fingers," Kensi ordered, making careful and cautious steps towards Derek as he stood with his back to her. She didn't like his casual stance or the lack of concern on his face she'd seen as he turned away. Despite his earlier discomfort Kensi knew Derek was adept at adjusting his plans. And above all else he had no compunction about doing whatever he needed to do in order to save himself. Like a shark he just kept swimming, kept looking for an advantage, and he never stopped.

Even though she'd been watching for it, she almost missed the twitch of Derek's muscles that told her he was about to turn on her when she was finally within physical striking distance. But she was able to duck down, sweeping her leg out to force Derek to fall with a heavy thud on his side. Somehow, Derek caught himself and he struck out with his foot, catching her in the shin.

Kensi fell to her side, trying to keep a hold of her gun. Derek was on his feet in an instant, one foot stepping on her right wrist to try and force her to release her gun. Kensi met Derek's eyes briefly, knowing if he got a hold of her weapon she was dead. Kicking her leg up she caught Derek in the side and he tumbled down on top of her.

Derek's weight crushed her and Kensi gasped for breath, her muscles responding by releasing, including the muscles of her hand. Desperately, Kensi saw her gun now just out of her grasp and Derek made a quick lunge for it. Flipping over, Kensi kicked Derek in the back, then kicked her own gun a distance away. She couldn't get to it right away but she had to make sure Derek couldn't either.

Derek was on his feet in an instant and even though Kensi's body screaming in pain and reluctance, she got to her feet quickly, blocking the swing Derek aimed towards her face. She turned quickly, using the stronger force of her elbow and aiming for Derek's face. She felt his nose break under the blow and she whirled around, using his shock to bring her knee up and around to catch him in his side. Derek grabbed at her waist desperately and took her down with him, his hands clawing at her Kevlar vest as he tried to reach for her neck.

Kensi lashed out, feeling the painful give as her foot made solid contact with his crotch. She thought she might finally have the upper hand as she heard Derek's hoarse cry of pain. But then she felt as though her head might explode as Derek grabbed her hair, yanking painfully and then striking her across the face with a closed fist. Dazed, Kensi fought to stay conscious as she rolled to her side, seeing that her gun was still too far away for her to reach.

Derek had managed to painfully lurch to his feet and he stumbled towards the cab of the vehicle, his gun still inside and closer to him than hers was. Kensi lunged for her own gun, pain making everything in her protest loudly that she'd had enough. She was determined though. No way was she going to let Derek Smith kill her. Just as she reached her gun, Kensi flipped to her back, seeing Derek spin around, his gun aimed at her.

Kensi didn't hesitate, she shot three times, twice in Derek's chest and once in his forehead. Derek didn't even have a chance to look surprised as his body fell back against the car, then slid down to crumple in a heap on the dirty ground.

There was only a minute of relief and then Kensi saw movement out of the corner of her eye. She realized quickly that Dale Johnson was still alive and his gun was pointed directly at her. His murderous eyes revealed he knew he was dying but his one last earthly goal would be to kill her. Her eyes widened as she concluded he would let off a shot and likely hit her before she could take cover or swing her gun around to shoot him.

The gunshots came just a second before she thought they would but the pain didn't follow. Instead, two more bullet holes blossomed in sickening red across Dale's chest and he fell backwards, his body finally still and lifeless.

Kensi rolled to her side, looking up and behind Dale to see Deeks, his face set in cold determination, his gun still aimed at Dale as he ran up to ensure the man was dead. Deeks leaned down to collect Dale's gun, then he finally rushed over to Kensi. She'd rolled to her knees and was struggled to her feet when she felt Deeks' hand close around her bicep, lifting her to her feet and enveloping her in a tight hug.

Kensi hugged him back, ignoring the pain that pulsed through her as Deeks squeezed her, then finally let her go. She welcomed the pain since it meant she was alive. Her hands around his back reached up and when she felt the warmth and stickiness of blood she reeled back in horror, quickly reaching to examine his shoulder wound.

"Are you alright? We need to stop the bleeding—"

"Kens, I'm okay. Really. I think the bleeding has mostly stopped. Cody said I'll be fine," Deeks tried to reassure her. Kensi allowed her eyes to sweep over his face, seeing the barely hidden pain and exhaustion in his expression. But then there was his smile, full of contented relief as he looked down at her. And she met his eyes, their concerned blue depths looking at her closely as he looked for any injuries or pain she might be hiding.

Kensi narrowed her eyes, still not agreeing to make light of the fact that Deeks had been shot. "Well, Cody is used to being shot at and patching up people in the middle of the Afghanistan desert. I think we should let the doctors look after you and make an official assessment."

Deeks chuckled quietly, his uninjured arm reaching up to cradle her face, turning it to the side as he examined the new bruises forming on her face. His fingers danced over her skin, the light touch making her shiver at the contrast of welcome warmth on aching pain.

"Are you okay?" Deeks asked quietly. Kensi nodded slowly, covering the hand that cupped her face with her own.

"I'm okay. Nothing a few dozen ice packs and a week's vacation on the beach can't fix," Kensi replied. Deeks face lifted to a wide smile, his eyes turning from concern to delight at the thought.

"Now that's an idea I can get behind," Deeks said softly. Then he glanced back at the warehouse, worry filling his eyes. "We need to get back in there, see what's going on."

Realizing she'd lost her earwig in the scuffle with Derek, Kensi looked around quickly, finding the comm on the ground a few feet away. She picked it up, dusted it off, and put it in her ear. Just in time to hear Callen forcefully calling her name.

Kensi activated the comm, speaking quickly to reassure their team leader. "Callen, Marty and I are fine. Derek Smith and Dale Johnson have been neutralized. What's going on in there?"

Callen's sigh of relief was loud over the comm. _"All the cartel members are down or secure. Nell and Rachel are okay. Local law enforcement is on the way. It's over."_

Kensi nodded to herself, the heavy weight of relief lifting through her chest. She turned to glance over at the carnage around them, and then she allowed her gaze to sweep over herself and Deeks, at the blood and grime covering them both. Despite all that she turned to step into Deeks' arms, feeling his automatic response to draw her close. She felt the slight tremor in his body and knew he felt the answering shiver in hers.

Her heart still pounding wildly as if she didn't know if she could finally allow herself to calm down, Kensi kept a tight grip on Deeks' biceps as he pulled back slightly, resting his forehead against hers and closing his eyes in relief. She was sweaty, dirty, covered in her blood, and Derek and Deeks' blood. Nearly every part of her body ached and pulsed with pain and she had to close her eyes and take deep and steadying breaths to stay standing.

Despite all that, Kensi had never felt more alive and satisfied. Six long months. Six tortuous months of missing Deeks, then working beside him, feeling the tension of always being undercover, and worrying nearly to distraction for his life were finally over. Six months ago they'd been partners and friends but not more. They'd taken the leap to something more with uncertainty whether it was the best idea. But it had become an undeniable absolute that they couldn't ignore what had evolved and grown between them out of their undercover assignment. Success was never a guarantee. But they had succeeded.

Kensi opened her eyes slowly, grinning at Deeks with a wide smile and seeing his answering grin as she recognized the same relief and joy on his face.

"It's over," Kensi whispered.

And feeling Deeks holding her possessively close, the strength of him holding her up, she knew the hardest part was finally done. What would happen next was the slightly unknown mystery.

As Deeks leaned down to kiss her the worrisome possibility of the undetermined and unplanned vanished from her mind. If there was one thing she'd learned in the last six months, it was that as long as she had her partner by her side things had a way of working out.

They would be alright.


	29. Chapter 29

******Please see previous chapters for overall disclaimer, summary, spoilers, etc.** NOTE:**** Beginning in Chapter 16 this story is rated M. This chapter is very tame, no M rated material.  
><strong>******Note:** **Thank you very much if you take the time to read, and if you take the time to review. Especially as this story winds down and things start to conclude it's very gratifying to know it has been enjoyed. You get mostly happy fluff from here on out as the aftermath of the undercover and hostage situation unfolds. For many of the characters it has been a long time coming and it has been fun to bring them here! There's still the Epilogue to come, hopefully next week. It's taking me longer than normal to write, not because I don't know how it's going to end, I think I'm just having a hard time saying goodbye to these characters and this particular world! But it will be coming soon, I promise. I've run out of ways to express my gratitude to my beta,** **MioneAlterEgo**,** so I'll just thanks :) You're amazing, my friend.

Thank you for reading! And if you feel inclined to review, I appreciate that you take the time to do so!

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><p>After the nearly nonstop rush of the past few hours and rescuing Nell and Rachel, the aftermath was both a relief and letdown. Kensi found it difficult to calm down, her heart would begin to race and then she would have to tell herself there was no danger to avoid, no bad guy to conquer, no friend or loved one to save.<p>

Returning inside the warehouse and joining Sam and Callen, they found most of the cartel members dead. Callen had managed to handcuff two of the surviving men smart enough to surrender and Jesse had found Sam in the aftermath of the gunfire, offering himself up, as well as the laptop he'd snatched from the table when the bullets had started flying.

"I thought you might need it for evidence or something," Jesse mumbled. Kensi chose that moment to appear around Sam and despite the betrayal and lies, Jesse couldn't help his joyful grin as he saw her. Sam kept the cuffs on Jesse but Kensi still reached over to give him a hesitant hug, letting Jesse see the regret in her eyes. Even though it had been a part of her job she wished she hadn't had to lie to him.

But Jesse absolved her of any guilt with a quick shake of his head. "I get it now. There have been a lot of things I've done that were really wrong. But you and Marty helped my family when I didn't really have the right to ask for it."

Kensi smiled warmly at Jesse. "You did a lot right too. You helped us and you helped Nell and Rachel. We couldn't have saved them without you. And I won't forget that."

She kept her eyes steady and strong on Jesse, making him see the truth in her promise. Although Jesse looked as though he couldn't quite believe she would feel anything but disgust for him, the light of disbelief slowly faded to hope. Kensi looked at Deeks then, taking in his confirming nod. Jesse would have to pay for his crimes. But they might be able to help him, at least in some small measure.

It was Rachel's exclamation of Kensi's name that tore her away and Kensi turned from Jesse, the answering smile lifting her lips as she turned towards the sound of her friend's voice. Surprise lit her eyes as she caught sight of Cody carefully carrying Rachel in his arms, her leg bandaged from the bullet wound.

"She insisted," Cody said, cocking his head towards Rachel when Kensi gave him an incredulous look for even attempting to move Rachel when she was injured.

Rachel looked pale and exhausted but her face was full of relieved happiness at seeing her friend. Cody kept a firm grip under her knees and around her back as Rachel shot him a slightly exasperated look. "I can walk, really."

"You don't make it easy to play the fearless knight," Cody replied, his voice wry as he reluctantly set Rachel on her feet. He kept a steadying hand at her waist as Rachel swayed slightly, reaching forward to hug Kensi tightly. Rachel's sniffles in her ear prompted tears of her own and Kensi looked over Rachel's shoulder to meet Cody's eyes. He was watching Rachel with careful concern, his eyes locked on the back of her head. Kensi smiled at her brother gratefully, not sure she could ever thank him enough for taking care of her friend.

When Rachel finally released her enough so that she could look her in the eye, Rachel held up her index finger as if she were lecturing Kensi. "Okay, you're not allowed to do that to me again. Do not fake your death and not tell me you're faking your death! Friends don't do that to each other!"

Kensi felt the bubbling of laughter in her chest, cutting off the unexpected swell of emotions that came out a choked sob. Her next words were blurted out quietly and without her really thinking about how wistful they sounded. "You still want to be my friend? After all this? After everything knowing me has put you through?"

Rachel smiled as if it were the simplest question she would ever answer. "Of course. Some friendships are easy and you know they're meant to be. Even if you have to endure a little kidnapping and a gunshot wound. And yes, even I know how ridiculous that sounds. And I don't care."

Kensi hadn't really known what to say in response to Rachel's easy acceptance and she'd realized with wonder that Rachel didn't need or want an answer. Some things just were.

At that moment Deeks had come over, coming up to Rachel and giving her a gentle hug. He was careful as he pulled her close, turning his head to whisper in Rachel's ear. Kensi was talking with Nell, checking her over carefully and grateful her co-worker hadn't endured serious injuries, and she was far enough away she couldn't hear what Deeks said to Rachel. But it was enough to win him an embarrassed smile and blush from Rachel as she pulled back from his hug with a quick nod and a swipe at her eyes.

Interrupting the various reunions, Callen joined the group, his clear blue eyes full of satisfaction at a successful mission. He glanced at Kensi and then Deeks quickly, nodding towards the sliding door that led outside the warehouse.

"Local law enforcement and the paramedics will be here soon. Sam and I will stick around for the statements and clean up. Kens, why don't you and Cody make sure Deeks, Nell, and Rachel get checked out? We'll finish up here and meet up with you at the hospital in a couple hours."

A few minutes later the police arrived in half a dozen squad cars, followed by three ambulances, the paramedics quickly moving gurneys forward for Rachel, Deeks, and Nell.

The wave of déjà vu would have been amusing if she hadn't been worried for Deeks. Six months ago he'd been strapped to a gurney and loaded into an ambulance. A bullet wound was significantly more serious than the head wound he'd sustained all those months ago. And Kensi saw the exhaustion and pain starting to catch up with him, his skin pale beneath the usual healthy glow of his tan. The fact that he didn't object or struggle too strongly had her on immediate alert.

"I'm riding with him," Kensi said shortly, dismissing any argument the paramedics might have tried to offer. She glanced over to verify that Nell was being cared for and she saw that Cody was gently settling Rachel on a gurney so she could be loaded into the third ambulance. Rachel's earlier bravado seemed to have faded significantly and Kensi didn't miss how her hand painfully gripped Cody's forearm, or the gentle way he kept an arm around her, his other hand going up to brush back the hair on her forehead.

Kensi verified all three ambulances would be going to El Centro Regional Medical Center and passed that information along to Hetty and Eric, knowing they would immediately be on their way from Los Angeles.

Inside the ambulance with Deeks, Kensi refused the paramedic's attempts to check her over, insisting he make sure Deeks was fine. Deeks smiled at her fondly, shaking his head at the demanding tone of her voice. But she knew he had to be tired because he didn't offer a retort, simply took her hand when she reached for his, squeezing it tight.

Arriving at the hospital, Kensi was initially alarmed when the paramedics began to wheel Deeks past the emergency room and towards surgery. Quickening her pace to keep up with the gurney, she followed until a nurse stopped her just before the set of swinging doors that the paramedics pushed Deeks through, sweeping him from her sight.

"What's going on? Is he okay? He seemed fine in the ambulance," Kensi said frantically. He'd seemed fine, the blood had stopped and he'd been alert and himself.

The nurse was quick to lay a soothing hand on her upper arm. "He's okay. The paramedics were just concerned at the damage from the bullet wound. An orthopedic specialist is going to check him out to determine if he needs surgery."

Kensi nodded mutely, then tried to argue for being allowed in with Deeks. "Please, can't I be in there with him?"

The nurse looked sympathetic, but gave her a quick once over and shook her head. "I think we need to get you cleaned up and checked out first."

"I'm fine, there's nothing wrong with me," Kensi heard the forceful and defensive words as they left her mouth and she tried to swallow past the thick lump in her throat. She didn't feel fine, waiting in the hospital far away from Deeks and not able to see him, touch him, or reassure herself that he was safe. But the one person who could see past her bravado was the one person she wanted to get to.

Kensi could tell the nurse wasn't completely buying it, the kindness in her eyes overwhelming Kensi. She bit her lip, slightly humiliated by the rising swell of emotions that threatened to release in tears down her face. She felt her shoulders sag in defeat and the nurse put a comforting arm around her back, steering her towards an examination room, closing the door behind them.

"Tell you what: If you let me help you get cleaned up and promise to let a doctor look at you later, I'll get you in to see your friend, alright?"

Knowing she would agree to any bargain that got her closer to Deeks, Kensi nodded and allowed the nurse to help her clean and bandage the new injuries she'd sustained in her fight with Derek Smith. By the time the nurse finally deemed her relatively healthy more than thirty minutes had passed. Kensi grew more and more anxious for information about Deeks and the nurse left her waiting outside the surgery wing to find out where Deeks was.

Kensi turned several tight circles, pacing and staring at the gray and blue linoleum. The pacing felt like the only thing keeping her emotions in check and Kensi felt her concern beginning to bubble to the surface again. She thought quickly of Nell and Rachel, wanting to check on them too. But she worried about leaving the area where Deeks was.

"Kensi!"

Kensi turned quickly as her brother called her name. Cody's expression was tinged with worry and Kensi immediately swallowed, suddenly fearful for Nell and Rachel. Nell had seemed okay overall. But Rachel had been shot, even if it had seemed like a relatively minor wound.

Cody's face broke out into a slight smile and Kensi immediately relaxed. When they were younger she'd been able to use Cody as an emotional gauge for most situations. He was one of the most calm and levelheaded people she knew. She realized, letting him pull her close for a quick hug, how much she'd missed him in the last ten years. She'd counted on him as an older brother and had come to depend on him so quickly back then.

"Is Deeks okay?" Cody asked as he squeezed her tight. The words were a rumble in his chest and under her ear and Kensi pulled back to look up at Cody, shrugging helplessly.

"They said he was fine but they needed to have an orthopedic specialist look at him. A nurse was going to check and let me know but she's been gone awhile," Kensi said worriedly, looking around. Cody straightened quickly and hooked a thumb back towards the main information desk.

"I made friends with some of the hospital staff. Let me see what I can find out," Cody replied, his tone full of confidence. Kensi shook her head in amazement, wondering how he'd accomplished that so quickly. Another thought sprang to her mind and she grabbed Cody's arm before he could leave.

"Nell and Rachel, are they—"

"They're fine. Nell's being bandaged up and they took Rachel in to get her patched up. They'll both make full recoveries though Rachel needs to take it easy and she's probably going to need some physical therapy," Cody reported quickly. Kensi's eyes narrowed as she caught the hint of something in Cody's voice when he talked about Rachel. Something that sounded like concern and caring beyond that of a casual acquaintance.

"And I'll just bet you'd be happy to help her with her physical therapy."

Cody's widening eyes told Kensi he hadn't been prepared for her to see right through him so easily. He hid his reaction well, adopting an innocent expression and shrugging casually. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Kensi released a quick huff of laughter, letting the humor take over from her worry for a few seconds. She shook her head fondly. "Keppinger, you're not fooling anyone. Least of all me."

She chuckled to herself as Cody seemed to decide retreat was better than trying to argue with her. She watched as he leaned over the information desk, smiling and chatting with the nurse. After a few minutes he returned, throwing her a reassuring smile as he approached.

"He's fine. They've got him in surgery. He should be out in an hour or two. They were concerned about nerve damage to his shoulder so they took him right in. They're moving Rachel to a room, why don't we go see her and check on Nell?"

Kensi hesitated, not wanting to be far from wherever Deeks might be. "But what if he gets out, how we will know—"

"I gave them your cell phone number. They'll call as soon as he's out of surgery."

Pausing again, Kensi suddenly had another thought and pulled out her phone. "I should call Hetty and fill her in—"

"Already done, Kens. She and Eric are on their way, should be here in about an hour. Come on, let's go check on your friends," Cody replied, dismissing any further arguments she might have had. And knowing that she did want to see for herself that Nell and Rachel were okay, she nodded and let Cody drape an arm around her shoulders as he guided her towards the recovery rooms. She let her brother calm her, let herself depend on him.

It was as they passed through the emergency room section of the hospital that Kensi saw Nell, her cuts covered in bandages and her eyes worn, taking a bag of prescriptions from a nurse and signing forms for her treatment. Kensi rushed up to Nell, touching her on the shoulder lightly. Nell turned and gave her a tired smile.

"Kensi, I'm so glad you're okay. Rachel and I were so worried after they took you away," Nell said. Kensi shook her head.

"I'm so sorry for how all that happened. I shouldn't have tried to escape—"

"No, Kensi, you did exactly what you had to. It was the right decision to try and get us all out. And in the end it all worked out," Nell replied softly, even while her voice was full of strong conviction. Kensi nodded silently, knowing that although Nell and Rachel might have absolved her she still blamed herself in some measure for what they'd had to endure. Operationally it might have been the right choice. But personal and emotional feelings were always harder to reconcile against the logic of a reasonable and sound mission.

"Have you heard from Eric? Is he on his way?" Nell asked curiously, her eyes anxious and her voice longing.

"Hetty and Eric will be here soon. Come on, Nell, let's get you sitting down and resting until they get here," Cody's reply was gentle as he pulled Nell around to his other side, putting an arm around her as well. Keeping her distracted, Cody asked Nell about what the doctor had said and if she needed any prescriptions filled or other treatment before leaving. Kensi was grateful for the easy way that Cody filled the silence and kept her and Nell focused away from their worry for their loved ones.

Navigating through the hospital hallways and asking questions along the way, Cody finally steered them towards a private recovery room. Peeking her head in, Kensi was rewarded with the sight of Rachel, alive and smiling, sitting upright in a hospital bed. Rachel beckoned them in, her grin widening at the sight of Nell and then Cody as they followed Kensi in the room. Nell sank gratefully into a chair on one side of the bed and Kensi sat on the opposite side.

Just as Cody was about to sit, his cell phone rang. Glancing at the caller ID, he grimaced, then smiled apologetically at Kensi as he answered it.

"This is Major Cody Keppinger." The pause on the phone was long enough that Kensi could hear the yelling from across the room. Cody's brown eyes turned serious and he gave Kensi a brief nod before he ducked out of the room, his response formal as he spoke. "Yes, sir. I understand you aren't pleased with the interference in your command—"

Kensi watched Cody go, concern gnawing at the edge of her consciousness. Although Hetty might have managed to manipulate Cody's transfer it didn't sound like his commanding officer was pleased at the change. Turning back to Nell and Rachel, Kensi saw Rachel watching Cody as he left, her green eyes intently focused on him. When she caught Rachel's eyes with her own, Kensi noticed how quickly Rachel seemed to tuck away her concern, centering her attention back on Kensi.

"Where's Marty?" Rachel asked. Kensi mustered up a smile.

"In surgery for his shoulder. He should be okay," She said the words in part to reassure herself as much as Rachel. He'd been shot before and he'd been fine. But they hadn't been then what they were now. Kensi was coming to appreciate the difficult line she and Deeks would have to continue to balance in their line of work. It wasn't just enough to work together and have each other's backs. When something did happen the fear was tenfold.

Rachel was quiet for a moment, studying her hands where they were folded in her lap. When she finally spoke she looked up to meet Nell's knowing eyes before she turned to speak to Kensi. "It was hard being held by those men. But you know, the second we realized Jesse was trying to help and that Marty and your team were on your way and would do everything you could to get us out, it became easier. But before that, when we thought you were dead—"

Rachel's voice broke off and she quickly wiped away at a stray tear as it tried to escape down her cheek. She looked up at Kensi, her bright green eyes shining. "I've never really lost friends before. Hearing that you were gone was the hardest thing I've ever heard. But knowing what you went through to survive? How did you manage that?"

Kensi lifted a shoulder self-consciously. Survival in the moments of fear and loss rarely formed a solid thought. Trying to stay alive hadn't been something she'd consciously done. "I just knew what I had to live for. And what I needed to get back to. I wasn't entirely sure I was going to live. But I knew I wanted to."

"I'm glad you did," Rachel replied softly, reaching out a hand for Kensi to take. Kensi took it hesitantly, that kind of open and warm affection between female friends still a new concept. Rachel reached for Nell's hand too and Kensi watched the looks the two women shared. It looked as though she wasn't the only person emerging from their ordeal with a new friend.

It wasn't much later when Kensi heard Eric's voice outside the room, calling for Nell and becoming increasingly urgent the closer he got. The blush that rose over Nell's cheeks and the smile that warmed her face and lit her eyes wiped away any doubt Kensi might have had about their romantic relationship.

Nell was on her feet and walking towards the door, Kensi following close behind. Kensi stayed in the doorway of Rachel's room, hanging back but still curious enough to watch Nell and Eric's reunion.

When Eric finally caught sight of Nell the way his worried face melted into absolute joy and relief tugged at Kensi's heart. Nell's quick walk was almost a run as she went to Eric, her arms going around his shoulders as his went around her waist. They stood in the middle of the hospital corridor, completely oblivious to the traffic of people and hospital equipment circling around them as they both closed their eyes. Kensi finally backed away, the last image one of Eric reaching up to cradle the back of Nell's head, his head turning to tenderly kiss the side of her head.

She sat back down next to Rachel, who nodded towards the doorway. "Eric found Nell?" Kensi nodded, not surprised that Rachel knew personal information about Nell that she hadn't even had confirmation of. Two days of captivity lent itself well to bonding people together.

Thinking back to the afternoon's events, Kensi remembered something she'd been wondering and wanting to ask Rachel. "What did Marty say to you? Back at the warehouse?"

Rachel smiled softly. "He thanked me. For caring about you enough to try and beat up two men twice my size. He said you need people who see you for who you are and love you for that."

Not trusting herself to speak in a steady voice, Kensi could only stare back at Rachel. It shouldn't have surprised her that Deeks knew what she needed when she couldn't even really pinpoint it. She'd spent so much of the last ten years running from her past, keeping people away, and building up walls. And now she was faced with the complete destruction of those fortifications. It was daunting and a little scary to consider how much her world had altered in such a short period of time.

Being alone was certainly lonely. But trusting people to be your friends, to be your family, that was just as terrifying. But where being alone had very little risk, it also had no reward. Taking a chance and taking a risk on people could bring rewards she'd long thought lost to her. Friends, family, love. And she could thank her shaggy surfer for being the one to ignite that change.

After several more minutes Nell and Eric ventured back into the room, Eric holding Nell close as though he wasn't about to let her out of his sight any time soon. It wasn't long before Nell began to tire and Eric suggested they head back to Los Angeles. Nell leaned over to hug Rachel and Kensi pulled Eric to the side.

"Thanks for everything, Eric. We couldn't have all made it through today without you," Kensi said adamantly. She knew sometimes Eric didn't feel as connected to the team when he was sitting back in Ops. But there was no way they could function without him. Eric glanced quickly at Nell, then offered Kensi a lopsided grin.

"Thank you for what you did. It was a team effort."

Kensi nodded in agreement, her voice a quiet murmur. "It certainly was."

Nell and Eric left then, exchanging greetings with Cody as he reentered the room. Kensi watched Cody closely, noticing the slight tension in his shoulders. It wasn't something he wore often. Cody was one of the most calm and easygoing people she knew. And she watched as that tension seemed to melt away as Cody gave Rachel a smile, sitting down next to Kensi at her bedside.

Kensi was considering some good-natured teasing about how relationships starting under intense circumstances never lasting when her phone rang. Hearing the news that Deeks was out of surgery and being moved to a private room, her heart began to race. Rachel was quick to verbally push her towards the door.

"Go, go, see how Marty is. Come back and tell us later. I'm sure Cody will keep me company," Rachel replied, a mischievous smile lifting her lips. Kensi gave them both a quick wave as she left the room, backtracking her earlier path. Although running wore her out more than she wanted to admit, Kensi pushed on, deftly weaving and dodging around gurneys and wheelchairs until she was back at the main information desk.

As she stood for several minutes waiting, Kensi realized it wasn't really fear and worry that had propelled her nearly breakneck run through the hospital. Deeks had been just as badly hurt in the past. Logically she knew he was fine and he would fully recover. But it was the realization that their undercover assignment, everything that had been hanging over them and casting a pale shadow of waiting and putting their possible future together on hold, it was all gone. She finally wasn't scared or worried. She was filled with jittery anxiety to see what the future would bring for her and Deeks.

They'd thought about it and even talked about it. But while they'd both been invested in their relationship and steady on the course of what it meant to be together above and beyond as partners, it would still be a whole new paradigm for them. It was uncertain and a bit overwhelming. But in all the best possible ways.

Kensi privately grinned, amazed that she'd somehow managed to become an optimist when it came to Deeks. She wasn't too certain about many things in life. Being let down and left behind wasn't something she could let go of right away. But she felt like she might be able to start. It started with Deeks, was threaded in the family they had at NCIS, and ended in the still somewhat nebulous relationship she had with her surrogate family. And it was still a wonderfully messy work in progress.

"Ms. Blye."

Kensi spun quickly as she heard Hetty's voice, noting the relief that passed over the older woman's face. Hetty approached her and reached out to squeeze her arm quickly, the tactile gesture not lost on Kensi as atypical of Hetty. But it was a gesture full of comfort and relief. Hetty pulled Kensi away to sit in a pair of hard plastic chairs to the side.

"They are moving Mr. Deeks to a private room. I'm assured that the nurse will come back here to get you once he's settled. The doctors said he'll make a full recovery," Hetty reported. Kensi nodded gratefully, not bothering to ask how Hetty had gotten the information that would normally only be available to a family member. She knew Hetty was listed as Deeks' next of kin.

They sat quietly for a few minutes and Kensi found her mind wandering back to the choices she and Deeks had made during their undercover assignment and the mission of the last few days. She recognized how the line between them in their partnership had been blurred. And while she'd felt confident in most of the decisions they'd made, despite her regrets about Nell and Rachel's suffering, she couldn't help but wonder what Hetty was thinking.

They'd done their best to keep their emotions in check but had it been enough? Would they still be allowed to stay together as partners? Kensi knew it wouldn't change who they were as more than partners but she also didn't want anyone else watching her back. And she didn't like the idea of anyone else regularly looking out for Deeks except her.

"Hetty, has there been any fallout from our assignment?" Kensi asked hesitantly. Hetty looked at Kensi carefully, as always keeping her thoughts carefully guarded. It was an odd question, one Kensi had never ventured to ask Hetty before. The team usually left the politics of their missions for Hetty to deal with in her subtle and effective way. But Kensi couldn't leave it alone and couldn't leave it to chance or guessing.

Hetty took a steady breath, glanced away from Kensi briefly, then brought her truthful gaze back to meet Kensi's eyes. "It has been a trying week, Ms. Blye. You and Mr. Deeks handled yourselves better than anyone could have expected."

Sensing the careful wording and slight hedging, Kensi shifted in her seat impatiently. She couldn't help her need to push for a solid answer. Her future with Deeks as her partner was at stake. "But Hetty, what does this all mean? For our partnership, for Marty as an agent?"

Hetty's face finally broke out in a kind smile, her eyes twinkling and dismissing any reservations Kensi might have had that Hetty hadn't known what she was getting at all along.

"It means nothing has changed," Hetty assured her, patting Kensi's forearm. "I have no reservations about your partnership and whatever else you may choose to be with Mr. Deeks. And neither does Mr. Callen. You both showed that when it counted you could balance the needs of the mission with who you both innately are, together and separately. Nobody could ask for more."

Pausing once again, Kensi met Hetty's eyes and gave her a wide smile. Hetty's phone rang and she answered, leaving Kensi to watch her in silence for a few moments. The faith Hetty had in her people was something Kensi had never taken for granted but she'd also never really thought about it in depth. But now she could see it for the unwavering loyalty that it was. And in the world of lies they sometimes found themselves, it was precious and rare.

Hanging up the phone and rising to her feet, Hetty turned to Kensi. "That was Mr. Callen. The local authorities have asked me to stop by to further explain our involvement. And I believe I have some paperwork to process for Mr. Deeks back in Los Angeles. I don't want to see either of you in the office for work for at least a week, perhaps longer, depending on Mr. Deeks' recovery."

Kensi nodded quickly at Hetty's command, for once not wanting to argue. A week of quiet and relaxation with Deeks sounded like the most welcome suggestion she could imagine. Hetty had stood to leave, even walked a few steps down the hall, when she turned back around, giving Kensi an enigmatic smile.

"I must confess, Ms. Blye, that although I sensed you and Mr. Deeks would be ideal partners, I didn't anticipate how well matched you would be. This is one unexpected outcome I'm pleased to have had a hand in."

Kensi felt the blush rising to her face at Hetty's words, somehow knowing that would be as close as Hetty would come to verbally admitting she knew Kensi and Deeks were romantically involved. The understanding was there and Hetty didn't need her to confirm it. Nodding her thanks, Kensi watched Hetty leave the hospital. Hearing her name called aloud, she rose to meet the nurse who walked over towards her.

"Kensi Blye? Someone is very impatient to see you," the nurse said wryly, shaking her head in the way that told Kensi that Deeks was being his usual pestering self. She followed the nurse through a labyrinth of hospital hallways to a recovery room she was pretty sure was a floor above Rachel's. The nurse left her in the hallway and Kensi was about to peek around the doorframe when she heard Deeks' voice, loudly insistent.

"Could you please check on my partner? Her name's Kensi Blye, brunette, 5'9" with these long legs to die for and an amazing—wait, you don't need to know that. She's probably in the waiting area and I don't want her to worry."

Kensi laughed quietly to herself, finally stepping into the room and letting her eyes drift over Deeks once quickly before he saw her. He looked much better cleaned up, the scrapes and cuts bandaged, propped up in bed though still looking slightly uncomfortable in the hospital setting. And his shoulder was carefully wrapped, the white bandages bright against his tan skin. The color stood out and Kensi was pleased to see that. It meant he wasn't as pale as she'd seen him before, suffering from shock and loss of blood.

When Deeks finally saw her, his face lit up with a lopsided smile and he reached out with his right hand to motion her over. Kensi moved to his side at the same instant, threading her fingers with his and sidling up to the hospital bed as close as the railing would allow. The nurse who had been adjusting Deeks' I.V. gave Kensi a grateful smile.

"I'm glad you're here. He was so worried about you."

"Was he?" Kensi murmured, giving Deeks a pointed look. She saw the blush rise to his face and as he cleared his throat nonchalantly her grin widened. "And here I thought that was my job."

Deeks was watching her closely as she reached up to place her hand on his neck, her thumb stroking lightly across the line of his jaw. She felt the warmth of his skin, the scruff of his beard, and the pulse of his life under her fingers and something in her chest felt instantly lighter. Even though she'd convinced herself not to be worried and that he was fine, seeing the proof helped make any lingering concerns vanish.

The nurse left and Deeks allowed a furtive look at the doorway before he released her hand and began tugging at the hospital bed railing. Kensi looked on in astonishment, placing a hand on his chest to stop his hurried movements.

"What are you doing?" she asked incredulously.

"Trying to put this railing down so you can hop up here with me."

Kensi laughed at his frustrated tone, pushing aside his hands and finding the correct lever to turn so she could lower the railing. If a nurse or a doctor walked in she wondered if they would get a stern lecture. But as Deeks slid over to make room, his hands going around her waist to pull her close, she couldn't make herself care at the possible embarrassment.

Deeks winced as he jostled his shoulder and Kensi murmured lowly in sympathy, letting him settle back down more comfortably before she allowed some of her weight against him. She nudged her head next to his on the pillow, unable to stop the smile that spread over her face as Deeks turned his head towards her, his nose bumping hers. She allowed her free arm to reach around his waist, keeping her arm draped over him and hugging him gently close.

The worry and concern was gone, replaced by a pleasant fluttering feeling in her stomach. It was a foreign sensation, something she hadn't allowed herself to even consider in years. It was the kind of wide-eyed wonder and anticipation she hadn't felt since she was fifteen. The world had lost a bit of its color when her father died. But in a way she wasn't sure she could ever explain it since they really were opposites in so many ways, Deeks brought new color into her world. It was a different sort of color but similar in all the ways that mattered.

They lay quietly for a few minutes, Kensi kept her eyes focused on his blue eyes and the affectionate and familiar smile she would never get tired of seeing him direct her way. Early on it had bothered her how Deeks looked at her. Like he saw things she didn't want him to see, like he thought things she didn't think he had a right to think. But his persistence and steady caring had eventually changed her mind.

She'd thought she was close to Callen and Sam, thought they knew more about her than most people. And before Deeks she had been as close to them as anyone in her life. But even the closeness she shared with Callen and Sam as teammates hadn't been enough for Deeks. Sometime early on in their partnership Deeks had decided he wasn't satisfied with what she'd grudgingly offered. His demands had seemed unreasonable and intrusive at the time. But now Kensi couldn't imagine what she might have lost out on if Deeks hadn't been as annoyingly tenacious as he was.

"Everyone's okay?" Deeks asked quietly. Kensi nodded.

"Yeah. Nell went home with Eric. She's banged up but fine. They patched Rachel up and she's here somewhere. Cody's taking care of her."

"I bet he is," Deeks said knowingly. Kensi laughed and smiled in return.

"I saw that too. I wonder what might happen there."

Deeks shrugged, then picked up her hand, playing with her fingers. "Anything is possible. They actually seem to be pretty similar people in their personalities. And like does love like."

Kensi pondered over the words, the same words he's said to her months ago in a coffee shop in the Valley, referring to Eric and Nell. And she remembered her optimistic and slightly out of character response, her hopeful defense of feelings for Deeks that even then ran deep but she'd struggled with what to do with them.

_Anything is possible._

"And people who are dissimilar can be good together, too," Kensi whispered in return. Deeks looked up from where he'd been watching her fingers tangle with his, letting the warm touch of her skin and pressure of her palm against his serve to comfort and calm. Recognition dawned in his eyes and the slow and satisfied smile he gave her told her he remembered.

Deeks leaned over, his mouth warm against hers. Kensi smiled against his lips, letting him languidly kiss her until her toes curled almost painfully inside the confines of her leather boots. With his uninjured arm, Deeks stroked a hand around her neck and over her hair, brushing several loose strands behind her ear. His touch was reverent and tender, reassuring her as much as it seemed to him.

She closed her eyes and leaned into his hand, the surging wave of emotion making it almost physically hard to breathe. She could never have imagined from their inauspicious meeting in that West L.A. gym almost two years earlier how important he would become to her, how essential he was now.

When she opened her eyes she found Deeks looking at her curiously, seemingly unable to resist the questions and his need to know.

"So what happens now?"

Kensi shook her head in amazement. "Aren't you impatient? I think we've handled enough for today. We caught a bunch of bank robbers, solved the FBI's case for them, took care of a murderer and rapist, closed down a drug cartel, rescued our friends, and you managed to get shot."

Deeks looked off to the side thoughtfully, considering her list of their day's successes and near misses. But then he glanced back at her, a playful grin lifting his lips and his eyes dancing with irresistible excitement. Kensi couldn't help but smile back. He sensed it too, everything ahead of them. The incredible possibility of the unknown.

"So what happens now?" Deeks repeated, almost teasing and daring her to explain, describe, or categorize. Even when that might have normally been her usual response, to apply logic to something uncharted and unplanned, she felt no urge when it came to defining their future.

It was a little like a tantalizing story. She knew enough about the plot to know the characters and what could happen. And she was fascinated by the possibility of what surprises might unfold. But ultimately where the story would go was a complete mystery.

"I don't know. And I think that's kind of amazing."

It wasn't the end of the story. It was just the beginning.

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><p><strong>Epilogue still to come!<strong>


	30. Epilogue

**Note: **Here we are, at the end. I'll try and keep this short! This has been one of the most fun and rewarding experiences to plan this story, write it, and see the reactions from those reading. If you're still reading, almost seven months later, I just want to say thank you. None of us gets paid to read or write fan fiction so the fact that you stuck with this (which is impressive considering the whole story clocks in at 555 pages) is appreciated. Thanks for reading, for reviewing, and for coming back from chapter to chapter. I don't think this would have turned out quite as it did without the support from those of you reading. And it definitely wouldn't have turned out as it did without the best beta in the world, **MioneAlterEgo**. Writing and working with a beta should be a collaborative and rewarding experience. And this definitely was! Thanks, Jenn.

It's an epilogue so quite heavy on the exposition and fluff. But I think in the end you'll be satisfied with where everyone ends up. I hope that's the case, I did my best to be true to the characters and the journey they've been on since the beginning of this story. And if you're wondering about a possible sequel or other upcoming stories I might write, I'll cover that at the end. And I'd love to hear from you on your way out. Thanks for reading!

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><p><em>Six months later<em>

Logically, Kensi knew the passage of time was constant. A minute was always sixty seconds, an hour was sixty minutes, and a day was twenty-four hours. And the last six months were a constant and measureable 184 days, 4,416 hours, 264,960 minutes, or 15,897,600 seconds. But to Kensi, time had passed at a more relative, breakneck speed that she couldn't even begin to quantify.

It was October now, nearly a year since Deeks began his undercover assignment as Marty Tyler. When Kensi thought back to the year before it was with staggering wonder at how much had changed. It all began when her relationship with Deeks turning into something more than their simple work partnership. But it was really in the last six months that the effects of that one change, which had happened right in the middle of the maelstrom of Deeks' undercover assignment, had rippled through.

Deeks, Kensi, Rachel, and Nell had all fully recovered from the physical injuries they'd sustained during the take down of the bank robbery and drug cartel. Deeks had checked out of the hospital in El Centro as soon as he was allowed to and after packing a few things he and Kensi had taken off for a week on a secluded beach in Mexico. It had been the first real vacation Kensi could remember enjoying in years.

Upon returning to Los Angeles Deeks had immediately submitted his letter of resignation to the LAPD. None of his fellow officers and detectives had even asked where he was going and his departure had been met with little fanfare beyond relief. Which had immediately turned to annoyance at the first LAPD crime scene NCIS had appeared at where Deeks wore an agent's badge. He'd taken the irritation in stride, joking with his former fellow officers that they shouldn't have thought they could get rid of him that easily.

In time Deeks' relationship with the LAPD had smoothed out. Somehow it was easier for officers and detectives to deal with Deeks as someone not within their ranks. And Deeks had garnered a certain amount of respect thanks to his part in catching the bank robbers and shutting down the Contreras drug cartel.

Jesse Thompson had been spared from a lifetime in prison. Kensi, Deeks, Rachel, and Nell all testified to his assistance in the operation in El Centro. He'd been given a reduced sentence of five years in a white-collar crimes prison in a remote part of the country. He'd also been given a new name and identity to protect him from retribution in prison from Santiago or Mateo Contreras. Jesse's family had been placed in witness protection and relocated and with good behavior Jesse would be out of prison in three years and could join them with his new identity.

Kensi and Deeks had seen him once after his sentencing and Kensi had been glad to see that Jesse didn't hold any grudges against them, even though it was arguable that he had the right to after they'd lied to him for months. But Jesse had gained perspective on everything that had happened. And he'd come to recognize through seeing the harm brought on Kensi, Nell, and Rachel that his involvement in the bank robberies had been wrong. He'd been ready to pay for his crimes and even though Kensi was fairly certain she would never see Jesse again she'd been able to wish him well with a truthful smile.

Santiago and Mateo Contreras had been soundly convicted of a series of crimes, including attempted murder of a federal agent, drug dealing, accessory to kidnapping, and theft of federally insured funds. They'd had no hope of any kind of deal and had been separated, given life sentences, and placed in maximum security prisons in California. Their cartel operation had crumbled in the wake of their disappearance although other drug cartels and dealers had largely picked up the slack. As Sam had observed, there would never be the absence of drug lords in Los Angeles. All the LAPD could do was try and keep a lid on it.

After completion of their undercover assignment Kensi had been happy to return to their NCIS cases. Working with Deeks as her partner and living the rest of her life with him as her _something more_ had been a remarkably easy transition.

They basically lived at Deeks' apartment. Kensi still rented her place but was rarely there. Deeks lived close to the beach and since they spent many a morning and weekend on the sand or out on the waves it had seemed like the perfect compromise. She'd moved all the important things she needed from her apartment to his, beginning to leave behind some of the clutter of her life before him.

Kensi had come to love the beach, the ocean, and surfing nearly as much as Deeks. And Monty needed walking several times a day so there wasn't a day that went by that they weren't on the beach. It was a little crowded in Deeks' apartment between the two of them and Monty but the closeness hadn't caused anything but the occasional short argument. Kensi had been worried Deeks would grow annoyed with having her there all the time since he'd never really lived with a woman or been in a serious relationship in recent years. And she'd wondered at her ability to be able to accept Deeks constantly around after years living on her own in her own space. The adage of "too much of a good thing" held a certain amount of truth in it.

But, miraculously, not in the case of working with Deeks everyday and living with him the rest of the time. They'd learned to balance their time together. They didn't do everything together and they each took space when they needed time to themselves. And they'd found surprising things in common. Occasionally going dancing at clubs on the weekends, listening to live music at the Hollywood Bowl, catching a Dodgers game, even hiking in Topanga State Park or around Griffith State Park. Other than the beach Deeks wasn't much for outdoor activities, but hiking around the low hills of Los Angeles seemed about their speed.

Kensi found herself with a new and surprisingly active social life. Outside of her time with Deeks, she'd developed more of a friendship with Nell. And Rachel was now a permanent fixture in Kensi's life. Even if Kensi hadn't had any intention of dropping out of Rachel's life, Hetty's hiring of Rachel as her assistant had further solidified their place in each other's lives.

It had taken Rachel a few weeks to recover from her gunshot wound. Rachel had returned back to work at the law firm she and Kensi had worked at while physical therapy had continued for weeks after her discharge from the hospital. Going back to her job as an administrative assistant, Rachel had a difficult time adjusting. Aside from the physical location serving as a troubling reminder of where she'd been kidnapped, the absence of Joshua Scott actually served as an impossible-to-ignore glaring beacon of his manipulation and the part he'd played in the ordeal Rachel and Kensi had endured.

Although Rachel had been the first one to adamantly insist she was fine and not at all traumatized by her captivity, Kensi had been worriedly skeptical. Not wanting to push Rachel as they were still feeling their way towards the boundaries of their current friendship, Kensi had left her alone for a few weeks. But after a week of ignored calls and texts, Deeks had urged Kensi to check on Rachel.

Arriving at Rachel's apartment, Kensi had found Rachel completely withdrawn and isolated. Rachel had quit her job the week before and hadn't left her apartment in days. Recognizing the signs of post traumatic stress, Kensi had immediately taken charge. Ignoring Rachel's objections, Kensi had immediately taken her to see a therapist to help her deal with the trauma of the kidnapping. When Rachel resisted going to her appointments Kensi came to her apartment and wouldn't leave until Rachel opened the door. Kensi recruited Nell and they came over on weekends to keep Rachel company if she balked at leaving her apartment, or they coaxed her out for shopping trips, nights at the movies, and a meal away from the ease of her microwave.

When Deeks had commented, admiration clear in his voice, at how she was a good friend to be so tenacious and caring for Rachel, Kensi had simply smiled pointedly and told Deeks she'd learned from the best when it came to dogged persistence. That had earned her his laughter and a tickling wrestling match on the couch that left them both gasping for breath.

Eventually the treatment and constant intervention began to help. Within a few weeks Rachel had started to improve. Kensi knew she still had a way to go before she would be completely comfortable but she also knew Rachel was strong. Kensi recognized the fear that seemed to grip Rachel. Although the people who had hurt them were far away and unable to touch her, Rachel saw the possibility of harm nearly everywhere she went.

It was understanding Rachel's fear that led Kensi to talk to Hetty. She'd argued that if Rachel could feel safe in at least one place, surrounded by the people who had saved her and in one of the most secure buildings in Los Angeles, maybe then she could have at least one comfortable place in her life. And Kensi's gratitude towards Hetty had deepened when Hetty hired Rachel on the spot, putting her in the position as her assistant and a dependable right hand.

Rachel had almost immediately blossomed at NCIS. After passing the requisite background check and enduring the required security training, Rachel had easily fit in at OSP. She helped Hetty balance her appointments and paperwork and she was a constant background presence when the team was in the office. Rachel had been content to play the role as support staff for the team and finding useful purpose working in an organization that did the important work NCIS did seemed to help Rachel deal with her helplessness after her ordeal.

It helped that Cody was a fairly regular presence at OSP. Rachel got along well with everyone, but her relationship with Cody had started out as a friendship she seemed to rely heavily on. After their initial connection Kensi had watched them carefully for signs of something more developing between them and had been surprised when it didn't appear that they were anything more than good friends.

Rachel admitted to Kensi that Cody made her feel safe like no one else did and Kensi had been disappointed on Rachel's behalf that Cody didn't seem to want pursue more with Rachel. Even if Cody couldn't see it or didn't reciprocate, Kensi could tell Rachel felt more for him. Neither Cody or Rachel seemed bothered by the status of their relationship and Kensi had left it alone, deciding that at least they were good together as friends.

However, in the immediate aftermath of the operation to take down the bank robbers and drug cartel Cody's commanding officer at Camp Pendleton had made it known loudly and vocally how displeased he was at Hetty's commandeering of his valued and highly skilled Marine.

Nell had privately told Kensi that the fight over Cody had turned fairly ugly and had been taken up the chain of command several rungs above Hetty. Kensi hadn't really been surprised. Cody was an incredibly effective and elite soldier. She also knew enough about him to know he was a gifted teacher and that if the Marine Corps needed him to help pass along his knowledge and experience he would do what was needed, ignoring his own preferences when it came to his career.

But Cody's experience with NCIS had made him realize he wanted the opportunity to help with the work they did. Even still, he knew his duty and recognized he was needed at Camp Pendleton as well. But sitting on the sidelines teaching wasn't something he could reconcile with his need to actively serve his country. Kensi had spent hours talking to Cody, sensing how torn he was. And even though it was something she never thought she would have done, Kensi had taken it upon herself to call the General and ask for his help.

They'd both been surprised when she made her request. Kensi had picked up the phone to call before she'd had a second thought about it. She'd never asked for help from the General before. But that kind of foolish pride was easily set aside when she'd seen how unhappy Cody was. The General had been unaware of the situation his son was in since Cody had always been careful not to use his father's position or influence, preferring to fight his own battles and find his own way. Kensi knew Cody would be furious with her but she also knew the General could help.

And so he had. Robert had been in the process of rotating back to the United States from his tour in Afghanistan and had been offered his pick of posts. Wanting to be back with Diane and not wanting to cause more upheaval by moving so soon after her heart attack, Robert had requested stationing at Camp Pendleton. And in immediate and closed-door meetings Kensi had a feeling she would never be privy to knowing the contents of the discussion, a compromise for Cody's assignment had been reached.

Cody was officially assigned to Camp Pendleton though he spent most of his time at NCIS. He assisted NCIS on missions and investigations as they needed him, rotating between the different teams and tagging along with either Kensi and Deeks or Callen and Sam. His laid-back personality and the easy way he worked, while being a very professional and imposing soldier, allowed him to fit in well at NCIS working with both the civilian and military personnel. Usually once a week Cody was in San Diego assisting with training soldiers, but the rest of his time he was in Los Angeles.

And Cody had been initially furious with her for interfering and calling his father. The outcome might have turned out to be the one he wanted but it didn't sit well with him that his father had called in favors on his behalf. After his initial fury and after he'd stormed away from Kensi and refused to talk to her for a week, Deeks had intervened.

Deeks had observed that while Kensi felt as though she hadn't had a choice and she'd done what she thought was right for her brother, she also felt regret that she'd done so behind his back. And Deeks had seen how Cody's anger and absence in Kensi's life made her unhappy, which was not something he'd been prepared to accept on her behalf.

Cody and Deeks had managed to become friends after their initial disagreements over Kensi when she'd been in the hospital. Their personalities were similar and they shared a love for surfing and a love for Kensi, albeit in different ways. Unable to take the silent treatment Cody was giving Kensi and her distress at her brother's behavior, Deeks had taken Cody for a beer to talk.

Deeks lost count of the number of beers they drank but in the hours they sat at the bar he'd finally managed to make Cody see that for Kensi to even go to the General had taken a momentous leap. She'd done it out of love and concern for Cody and she'd done the one thing she'd resisted doing in more than fifteen years: she'd asked for help. And she hadn't even done it for herself; she'd done it for Cody.

Realizing that Deeks was right had almost immediately sobered Cody. It had been a short cab ride home and then Kensi found two very tall, handsome, apologetically drunk men stumbling into Deeks' apartment waking her from where she'd been asleep in the bedroom. Cody had been sorry for being angry with her and Deeks had started apologizing just to forestall his anticipation of Kensi's indignation at him that he'd interfered.

Instead of getting angry, Kensi had taken his meddling for what it was: a loving gesture of how much Deeks cared for her and wanted to see her happy. And forgiving Cody hadn't even been a question. After settling one drunk Marine on the sofa she'd helped her drunk partner to the bedroom, tucking Deeks into bed and silencing his effusive apologies and declarations of enduring love with a few well placed kisses.

After the initial transition and settling in at NCIS, and after Cody and Kensi had worked past their argument, Cody had blended in well with the team. When he was in Los Angeles he stayed at Kensi's apartment, an arrangement made easier since she was only rarely there. It was during one of her random and infrequent trips to her apartment late in the summer that Kensi had noticed unfamiliar feminine items littered throughout the apartment. Kensi knew Cody wasn't the type to jump from woman to woman and the placement of shoes, clothing, bathroom products, books, and other assorted items suggested whoever the woman was, she was a regular and serious presence in Cody's life.

Kensi had immediately confronted Cody, curious about who the woman was and why he hadn't told her. And she had been concerned on Rachel's behalf, not wanting to see her friend disappointed that Cody was seeing someone else. Cody had hedged at her questions at first. But Kensi had persisted and he'd finally admitted he wasn't seeing someone unknown. He was seeing Rachel. Kensi's response had been immediately surprised and colored with unexpected hurt.

"_Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't Rachel tell me?"_

_Cody sighed, running a hand over the short, brown bristle of his hair. "It's complicated, Kensi."_

"_I'm a smart girl, Cody. Speak slowly and I think I can keep up." Kensi said sharply, forcing herself not to react with outright anger. She didn't want to think badly of Cody but she didn't understand why he would hide Rachel and their relationship from her and from everyone. And if she was being truthful with herself, she was hiding her insecurities about why Rachel hadn't told her behind her brusque tone._

"_Look, it didn't start out like it is now. We were just friends, hanging out. But Rachel started to feel like she wasn't making progress with her therapy. She started to get scared wherever she went and she started to think she was sliding back to where she was after everything at the warehouse."_

_Stunned, Kensi had to struggle to get the next words out. "She did? When did this happen?"_

"_About a month after she started at NCIS."_

"_But that was two months ago. She never said anything. Why didn't she say anything?" Kensi pressed. Then, horrified, she directed her questions accusingly inward. "Why didn't I see she was struggling?"_

_Cody was quick to reassure her. "No, Kensi, she was careful to keep it hidden. She didn't want to burden anyone. But then one night she got freaked by noises outside her apartment and she called me. I went to her place to check everything out. I got there and—" Cody paused, his eyes shifting to a memory that seemed to make it difficult for him to breathe. "—and she was so scared. I've never seen anyone so terrified, practically of their own shadow. Every sound made her jump. I couldn't leave her alone. I didn't want to leave her alone. So I brought her back here."_

_Kensi listened to Cody's admission, admiring how he'd stepped in to help Rachel, and how strongly he clearly felt for her. But there was a part of the story that still concerned her, as much as she was relieved that Rachel had someone to help her._

"_But is she getting better now? I'm glad you're helping her, but she also needs to get better in her own way, too. If she depends on you too much—"_

"_Believe me, Kensi, I've had the same thoughts. That's why I kept things strictly as friends between us. I figured I could be her friend and nothing more, not after everything she'd been through. It was why I didn't pursue her right after we met and she was still recovering. I didn't want to take advantage of her when she was vulnerable," Cody argued heatedly. Kensi immediately felt terrible for doubting Cody. She knew he would never have treated Rachel with anything but chivalry and respect._

"_So you gave her the space you thought she needed?"_

"_Yeah, I did. I just kind of stayed close when she needed company or someone to talk to. I figured once she got back on her own two feet and felt more like herself that maybe then I'd see about something more with her."_

_Kensi smiled softly, shaking her head at her incredibly patient and loyal brother. "You were going to wait for her?"_

_Cody shot her a confused look, as if he couldn't understand the question. "Of course I was. I didn't want to compromise her recovery. And she's worth waiting for."_

_Unable to help herself, and thinking of all the men Rachel had told her about who had flittered through her life and taken advantage of her, Kensi leaned forward and kissed Cody on the cheek, so grateful that of all the men who finally saw Rachel for who she was, that it was Cody who proved himself worthy._

_Cody blushed a little at her touch and then smiled softly, shaking his head. "But Rachel's kind of stubborn. And she's really driven. She was determined to get better and she's worked hard at her therapy. And even though I tried to keep my distance and just be there as a friend for her, she finally just told me she wanted more with me. How could I possibly resist that?"_

_Kensi took in Cody's almost desperate question and beneath the query she saw what Cody was really saying. He was in love with Rachel. Probably had been for months up until she confronted him. But his decency and concern for her made him hold back. But even the strongest man, when freely offered his heart's desire, would be powerless to resist. _

"_I'm not saying you should have. I'm happy for you both. I just don't understand why either of you didn't say anything," Kensi said softly, feeling that earlier hurt color her voice. She hated the weakness of it, but these were her friends, her family. She'd thought they were past secrets._

_Cody laughed a little, shaking his head. "The only reason we didn't say anything was because it's still new. Rachel only just put me in line about a week ago. And I think we just wanted to see what it was like with just the two of us for a little while."_

_Surprised, Kensi looked around her apartment, the signs of cohabitation clear. "But it looks like she lives here."_

"_She basically does, most of the time. But that's been going on for months. When she didn't want to be alone she came to me. Don't be upset that Rachel didn't want to confide in you that she was struggling. She doesn't like to ask for help either. She reminds me of someone else I know," Cody said pointedly._

Kensi had been forced to concede the point. And the insecurities she felt at how Rachel hadn't told her that her relationship with Cody had changed to something more serious were wiped away when the very next day Rachel pulled Kensi quietly aside and told her everything. When Kensi had tried to stop her, telling her Cody had told her they were together, Rachel had crossed her arms over her chest and huffed in feigned annoyance.

"_He didn't tell me he told you! I told him I wanted to be the one to tell you," Rachel said irritably, casting a glance at Cody and Deeks, relaxing on the sofa across the room in OSP, discussing the previous night's baseball scores._

"_I sort of made him tell me. I was at the apartment and saw all these things that clearly belonged to a woman. I was worried he was seeing someone and how you might take it," Kensi admitted. Rachel's green eyes softened shyly and she tilted her head to the side._

"_You were looking out for me?" Rachel said quietly, her lips lifting to a soft smile. Then she reached forward, hugging Kensi around the neck tightly. "Thank you, Kensi."_

_Kensi hugged Rachel back, realizing they were both adjusting to the depth of their fierce protectiveness towards each other. Kensi was learning that when it came to her friends and family that a mama bear protecting her young was an accurate comparison. _

_Even knowing Cody and knowing he was a good man, Kensi realized Rachel had confidence issues with men, as well as in her ability to pick men. Her next questions were as much to reassure herself that Rachel and Cody were in the right place as they were to give Rachel the confidence she needed in her developing relationship with Cody. "Are you worried? That your relationship is based on these charged emotions from being held hostage and Cody being the one who came to your rescue?"_

_Rachel weighed her words carefully but her expression turned confident as she glanced at Cody, then around OSP, taking in the people and the place that had become her salvation._

"_Cody was just one of the people who saved me. Callen, Sam, and Marty were there too. But it was Cody who came to my apartment when I called him. It was Cody who took me home with him and Cody who looked out for me as a friend when I needed that. And it was Cody who was so worried about my wellbeing that he almost refused to get involved in a physical relationship with me. Even when I could tell it was what he wanted, too. If our relationship is based on even half of those emotions what could I possibly have to be worried about?"_

It had been the only answer Kensi needed. There were still challenges, among them Rachel's continuing PTSD treatment, but the foundation of their relationship was strong. And Kensi knew from experience that a strong and trusting starting point made the challenges a little easier to work through.

The changes in relationships hadn't end with Rachel and Cody. Not long after the hostage ordeal Eric and Nell got engaged. Although they hadn't dated even a year it seemed that Nell's experience had reminded them that some experiences in life shouldn't be waited for. There hadn't been any real urgency to their wedding except for their desire to start the next phase of their lives together but Nell had been suddenly impatient to take that step.

Kensi understood the reaction. Rachel had suffered in the aftermath with feeling helpless and overpowered. And Nell had decided to take some of her helplessness in the situation and take control of what she could, making changes in her life for the things she wanted.

Nell and Eric had been married early in October, at a large family wedding at the Los Angeles County Arboretum and Botanic Garden. And it had been the catalyst of Nell and Eric's wedding that unexpectedly brought them both into the fold of the Keppinger family.

Both Nell and Eric had multiple family members across the country and they'd decided to have their wedding in Los Angeles, a location easy to get in and out of for travel. But with Nell's mother and aunts several states away, Nell had been in need to some motherly advice and suggestion. Upon hearing about the wedding from Rachel and Kensi, who were maid of honor and bridesmaid, respectively, Diane had immediately volunteered her help.

After her heart attack Diane had been in search of a project or activity to help occupy her time. Kensi and Deeks had gone to San Diego every few weekends to check in with her and because Diane demanded time with her surrogate daughter and the man she'd begun to think of as a son. With Cody back in southern California that had eased some of her worry. And when Robert returned in the early summer Diane had been able to breathe easier. But she was also a woman constantly in search of a way to mother and help the people around her, whether they were her children or not and whether they were family or not.

Diane had been visiting Los Angeles the weekend Kensi, Rachel, and Nell sat down to start working through wedding details. Nell had wanted to plan a wedding in four months and while Kensi had been firmly ready to help where she was needed she'd been privately skeptical of their ability to pull off a wedding with several hundred guests in such a short period of time. Panic had just begun to settle on Nell's face and she'd been about ready to contemplate pushing the wedding off several months when Diane had intervened, taking charge as only a career military wife could.

With Diane's help the wedding planning had gone off without a hitch. And Kensi had been involved in the surreal experience of being heavily involved in the organization of a very elaborate wedding. Kensi had gone along on cake tastings, buffet tastings, dress and shoe shopping, and dress fittings. She'd inspected easily a dozen tailors with Nell and Rachel to find the right cut and fit for the men's tuxedos. Thankfully Rachel's mom owned a nursery so the flowers for the decorations and bouquets had been easy decisions. She'd listened to performances from DJs and live bands, more than she could remember. And even though it all went against almost every facet of her personality, Kensi did it all for Nell. The extravagant nature of the affair wasn't completely in line with what Eric and Nell wanted either, but they had larger families with matching expectations.

After one particularly long day of shopping, Kensi had returned to the apartment, collapsing backwards over the arm the couch and closing her eyes with a groan. She'd heard Deeks enter the living room from the kitchen, pausing at the doorway.

"_When we get married it will not be this complicated," Kensi announced, covering her eyes with an arm flung over her head. _

"'_When'? That seems awfully presumptuous of you, Ms. Blye. I don't believe you've even asked for my hand in marriage," Deeks replied, failing in his attempt to keep his amusement hidden underneath the formal tone._

_Rising up on her elbows propped behind her on the couch cushion, Kensi opened her eyes slowly, grinning as she saw the way Deeks' gaze drifted down to her body before he quickly returned his seemingly innocent blue eyes to her face._

"_Well, we have previously established who the girl in this relationship is," Kensi teased lightly as Deeks returned her grin and sauntered over to the couch to straddle her hips and lean over her to kiss a path from her chin, along the smooth column of her neck, and dipping his tongue into the hollow at the base of her throat. _

_Kensi allowed her head to fall back, pushing her chest up towards Deeks. His hands came up to rest high at her sides, his thumbs making slow sweeps to brush lightly at the swell of her breasts. His voice was a rumbling murmur as he nudged aside the collar of her shirt to kiss her collarbone._

"_Since I'm the girl in this relationship does that mean I have to wait for you to propose?"_

_Kensi felt her heart stutter at the words and she found herself suddenly speechless. They'd talked about it, intimated what their future would be. There wasn't any question in either of their minds about where they were going. The only unknown was when. And Kensi couldn't deny she looked forward to the day when they were officially a "them." But she also wasn't in any huge rush. Despite the fact that they knew each other better than anyone else, they were also intensely independent and private people and they still had a great deal to learn about each other, and to learn about being together. _

_Framing Deeks' head with her hands and allowing her fingers to comb through his unruly hair, Kensi just smiled softly, happy to see the answering grin that pulled at Deeks' lips._

"_Whenever it happens and whoever does the asking, I think we both know the outcome," Kensi replied. Deeks' eyes softened happily and he nodded, content with her answer. The security in their relationship, the absolute faith and trust, allowed them to take their time with where they were going. And ultimately Kensi knew they were stronger together for it._

The wedding had been two weeks ago. It had been a beautiful fall day in Los Angeles, the weather still holding on to a slight Indian Summer. Kensi had walked down the aisle in her lavender dress, unable to tear her eyes away from Deeks, standing off to Eric's side in a gray suit that made his eyes look a little like a stormy ocean. His grin and gaze, fixated solely on her during her journey up the aisle and all through the ceremony, had been so deeply knowing, so unabashedly heated, that she'd found a warm permanent blush glowing over her skin.

So pleased was Deeks with his ability to garner such a seemingly bashful response from her, he hadn't let her out of his sight and barely out of his reach throughout the entire reception. His defense, that he rarely got to see her as softened and dressed up in a beautiful gown as just herself, as _his_ normal Kensi Marie Blye, had flattered her more than she would have thought. It was true that aside from their frequent operations when she was dressed to the nines, she didn't often have a need for formal evening wear and elaborate jewelry. But seeing the awestruck expression on Deeks' face, she had to admit there was the secretive feminine part of her that got a fluttering satisfaction at his appreciatively male response.

The NCIS team had kept a low profile at the wedding. Most of the guests were family and close friends of Nell and Eric and their families. It would have been hard to explain their disparate group to most of Nell and Eric's families, who thought they worked normal and mundane jobs. Additionally, Sam brought his wife and daughter, who were oblivious to his real job, and Callen brought a woman he was newly dating. A drama and theatre teacher at a local high school, Kensi had been surprised to note how attentive Callen was to the woman. But then, everyone around him was making connections, forming relationships that might last. Even though it went against some of his natural lone wolf instincts, Kensi was pleased Callen seemed to be making the effort with someone who seemed to enjoy his company.

Diane and Robert Keppinger attended the wedding, both having formed friendships with the bride and groom over the months of planning the wedding. Many a weekend Nell and Eric, Kensi and Deeks, and Rachel and Cody had escaped to San Diego for wedding plans and surfing. Now Kensi remembered back to weekends spent nearly alone with the occasional night out clubbing and she shook her head in amazement. So much could change in a year. She'd gone from having acquaintances and co-workers to having friends and family. It was the kind of full life she'd long thought she would never have.

Kensi had been unable to stop from smiling as Callen, Sam, Deeks, and Cody kept Diane on the dance floor through half a dozen songs, both Deeks and Cody coming back for multiple turns. They'd overhead Diane mentioning how much she loved to dance and in their slightly overzealous and well meaning way had made it their personal mission to make sure she danced plenty. Diane had finally caught Kensi's eye over Deeks' shoulder and after mouthing the words "Save me!" Kensi had taken pity, cutting in and allowing Diane a break.

Kensi felt the contentment and happiness swell and settle over her heart as Deeks' arms went around her easily, his hand finding the dip in her back to hold her close, his fingers drifting along her spine in a warm press. And his hand reaching for hers, lacing his fingers with hers before pulling her hand to his chest, resting the back of her hand against his heart, was familiar and full of expectation.

She hadn't been so in tune with someone since she was a teenager. And even her connection with her father had held a different tinge than the one she had with Deeks. He knew her inside and out, knew her mind and body in ways no one else did or ever could. She couldn't imagine that changing and couldn't imagine ever wanting anything else.

"_Would you look at them?" Deeks murmured in her ear. Kensi followed his gaze to Cody and Rachel, swaying closely together, their arms tight around each other. Rachel's head was resting on Cody's shoulder, her long blond hair curling in waves down his back. Although Cody was much taller than Rachel his head was bowed over her, his body curved towards her in an instinctively protective pose. Kensi allowed a glance over at Diane, seeing the joy and happiness for her son brimming from her eyes. _

_Even before Rachel and Cody officially began dating Rachel had been instantly loved and accepted by the Keppingers. Diane had easily picked up on her son's feelings. It had been obvious to everyone around them how Cody had almost been looking for someone and something to ground him and how Rachel had proven to be exactly the right person. She both needed Cody and wanted him enough to fight for him. _

_Cody had experienced enough romantic rejection that the possibility of anyone needing him was something that instantly bonded him to Rachel. Rachel had been taken advantage of by men who couldn't see past her physical appearance to acknowledge the caring woman underneath. They were both a little damaged but somehow complete together. Diane had sensed their connection early on, had done everything she could to welcome Rachel. Robert, as always, followed his wife's lead. The news that Rachel and Cody were dating had been met with excited approval. _

"_They look wonderful together," Kensi replied, turning her head so she could briefly touch her lips to Deeks'. He kissed her back lightly, then leaned his cheek against hers, allowed the scruff of his beard to rub against her cheek. Kensi closed her eyes at the feeling, shivering lightly at the touch. _

"_We look pretty damn good together, too," Deeks said with confidence, swinging her around in a graceful dance step she wouldn't have thought him capable of. At the surprised lift of her eyebrow he'd merely given her a cheeky grin. But Kensi followed him step-for-step, following his lead and keeping her steps matching his. She knew they looked good together, him all lightness and sunshine and her strikingly dark. _

_As regular and predictable as the turn of the earth, there was no day without night. On shadowing paths, one always followed the other and neither ever complete without the other. Appreciating the coming of the day was not possible without the darkness of the night and the night allowed a welcome respite from the occasionally overwhelming brightness of the day. There was balance in their differences._

_They did look good together. Whether it was their physical differences or their personality disparities, it was hard not to notice. They were striking as a couple and as partners because they improved each other, brought further enhancement to the differences that complimented each other._

"Hey, Kens? You ready to go?"

Kensi shook her head out of the memories of the last several months. Deeks was looking at her curiously as he slung his bag over his head, cocking his head towards the exit with excitement. Checking her watch and seeing it was well past their usual quitting time, Kensi was quick to pack her bag, then she turned to look for Rachel.

"Have you seen Rachel? She's still going to ride with us, right?"

"I'm here. Sorry, I just got back," Rachel replied, her voice nearly breathless as she approached the bullpen. Kensi glanced at Rachel quickly, then took a second look when she thought she saw something like tension in Rachel's green eyes.

"Where were you all afternoon? I saw Cody had to leave for San Diego earlier for a meeting and then after lunch you disappeared too," Kensi commented, matching her stride with Rachel's as they followed Deeks to Kensi's SUV.

Rachel's eyes darted to the side as she seemed to think and consider her words. She bought herself a few seconds as they piled into the car, Kensi sitting in the front while Deeks drove and Rachel took the backseat. Before Rachel could respond, Kensi turned to Deeks.

"Eric and Nell are meeting us there, right? I know they've only been back from their honeymoon a week but I'm sure Diane will be thrilled—"

"I'm pregnant."

Other than the sounds of exterior traffic, complete silence filled the space inside the car after Rachel blurted her words out. Kensi glanced over at Deeks quickly, seeing the widening of his eyes as he glanced in the rearview mirror at her and how he suddenly gripped the steering wheel tighter. She laid a hand on his forearm as she twisted in her seat to face Rachel.

"You're pregnant?" Kensi asked softly. Rachel nodded mutely, her face a little pale. "Does Cody know?"

Rachel shook her head. "He knows it might be possible. We were supposed to go to my doctor this afternoon but then he got called to that meeting and had to leave. I haven't been able to get a hold of him since I left the doctor's office."

Kensi smiled slightly at the concern coloring Rachel's voice. She knew Rachel had nothing to worry about. Cody would be thrilled at the news. But such a big step, in a relationship only about three months old, had to be a little daunting. Trying to be reassuring, Kensi reached out and squeezed Rachel's hand, not missing how Rachel's grip on her tightened and didn't let go.

"How do you feel about it?" Kensi asked, curious at how anxious Rachel seemed.

Rachel shrugged in a show of ambivalence that didn't fool Kensi for a second. "I'm not sure how I feel. We never really talked about this happening. We've only been seeing each other a couple months. Most guys wouldn't take this kind of news well."

Kensi sent up a silent thank you that Deeks was wisely staying silent. Rachel had developed close friendships with both Kensi and Deeks but Kensi had a feeling even this conversation was a little outside Deeks' comfort zone with Rachel. Not to mention his track record as a single guy probably wouldn't comfort Rachel in this situation. And with his occasional tendency to want to fill uncomfortable silences and deflect away from difficult conversations with humor and irreverence, Kensi was relieved Deeks was keeping quiet for the moment. She could tell Rachel was nervously brimming with insecurity and anxiety and Kensi decided to take a calming approach to try and keep her friend focused.

"That's true. Most guys wouldn't. But Cody isn't most guys, you know that," Kensi said surely, knowing deep down that Cody would never abandon Rachel like she feared he might. Not because Rachel really doubted Cody. But she did generally doubt the chivalry of the male species thanks to many a morally deficient ex-boyfriend.

"I know you're right. This is all just a lot to take in," Rachel admitted. Kensi gave Rachel an encouraging smile, realizing that more than anything Rachel and Cody needed to talk. Trying to deflect the conversation away from the immediate emotional concerns, Kensi asked Rachel questions about her appointment and what she'd learned. Being able to respond with facts and straightforward information rather than the murky unknown of emotions seemed to help distract Rachel.

When they arrived at the Keppinger house in La Jolla two hours later Cody was already there and reaching for Rachel's door almost before the car had stopped moving. Making a show of unloading their bags from the back of the car, Kensi kept an eye on Rachel and Cody, unable to suppress the grin on her face as she saw Cody's face light up with wonder and joy, and at how he brought a hand to lay flat on Rachel's stomach, his touch reverently hesitant.

She'd been so focused on Rachel and Cody that Deeks' voice next to her, his breath warm against her ear, made her jump slightly. "Looks like that's going well."

Kensi narrowed her eyes at his slightly surprised tone. "Did you expect anything else? You know Cody. He could never be anything but thrilled at this kind of news."

"I know as a man in love with Rachel he's probably over the moon. But the work we do is risky, Kens. That's a lot to ask anyone to take on. And I know it's a part of who Cody is, but it's still a burden on his future family," Deeks replied, his voice low and serious. Kensi studied Deeks closely, considering his words carefully.

She couldn't deny they made her heart pound with uncertain trepidation. They'd talked about children. They both wanted them and wanted them together. But they'd never really discussed how they would make it happen. Kensi understood the hesitancy in Deeks' words. They'd each chosen the lives they led. But introducing children into their lives was an irrevocable step. And Kensi wondered if it was a fair thing to do, for her and Deeks to be parents to a child with the jobs they had.

That the questions swirled around her mind, and she could tell troubled Deeks as well, told her they weren't ready to take on the responsibility of being parents. Not just yet. And even though she was still a little unsettled by what Deeks had said, she took it as a sign of his trust in her. He wouldn't have told her about his doubts if he didn't think she could handle it.

Any further conversation on the subject was set aside when Diane walked up to both of them, pulling them both close for hugs. Kensi watched as Diane's eyes lit up as she hugged Deeks and his answering grin made Kensi smile. Deeks had been without motherly affection for his entire adult life. And really, considering the mother he'd had, for pretty much his entire life. Diane was the perfect fit to that particular hole in Deeks' past.

"I'm so glad you're both here! Marty, Kensi, come inside. Eric and Nell are already here. Eric's upstairs helping Robert set up some secure network or something so he can do work from home. I'd be annoyed that he wants to bring work home with him, but it does mean he'll be here more often," Diane replied, nudging Deeks and Kensi ahead of her and inside.

Just inside the entrance to the house Kensi and Deeks went their separate ways. Kensi took their bags upstairs to their room, the same room they'd stayed in all those months ago when Diane had been in the hospital. Diane urged Deeks towards the backyard, demanding his help with the grill and dinner. Kensi dropped their bags and then just stood at the top of the stairs and listened for a few moments.

The house was just filled with so much life. So much familiar noise, so much humor and familial affection. Down the hall she heard Eric explaining to the General in his patient tone the ins and outs of his VPN connection, the various firewalls in place and the modifications he'd made to the General's computer. Even though Kensi would have bet a million dollars the General had no clue what Eric said he still asked questions, making every effort to understand.

The voices from downstairs drifted up to her and Kensi listened, picking out the threads of conversations. Nell was showing Diane and Rachel photos from the wedding. And through the screen door Kensi could hear Cody asking Deeks if he needed a hand with the barbequing.

As Kensi took the stairs down to the first floor she let her eyes drift over the cascading photos on the walls. There were the family photos of Cody throughout the years, and then there were photos of Kensi from when she'd come to live with the Keppingers. And towards the bottom of the stairs there were new photos of all of them. Candid photos from different visits to San Diego, on the beach, and one of Kensi and Deeks, relaxing in the backyard, her sitting on his lap, their arms loose and comfortable around each other.

Diane circled around from the kitchen, beaming as she caught sight of Kensi. She held up a framed photo from the wedding, one of the entire bridal party.

"Look what Nell just gave me, Kensi! Isn't it beautiful? You all look wonderful," Diane said fondly, letting Kensi take in the photo as she moved to hang it on the wall. Kensi couldn't disagree. Eric and Nell were at the center of the photo, their smiles wide and content. And to Nell's right Kensi stood with Deeks and Rachel with Cody. On the opposite side Callen, Sam, and Eric's brother stood with the three other bridesmaids, two cousins and friend of Nell's.

Kensi looked over Diane's shoulder and caught Nell's eye from where she stood in the doorway to the kitchen. She read the knowing relief in Nell's face as both women remembered how exhausting the wedding had been, both glad it was over. It had been a lovely but large event, more for Eric and Nell's families than any other reason. And as Diane stepped back to admire the new addition to the wall of family photos, Kensi felt her heart lighten even further. It was hard to believe with how much had changed that there was room for even more happiness. But each time Kensi looked around the people who were now a part of her everyday life she was proved wrong. Her life was full of people and a family she'd never thought she would be lucky enough to have.

Not much later the bustle began as bowls and plates of food were carried outside and placed on the table for dinner. The General and Eric came downstairs and joined them and they settled around the table in places previously picked and claimed as their own. Kensi sat next to Deeks and then glanced curiously at Rachel, noticing the apprehensive expression on her friend's face. It was then, after everyone sat down, that Cody stood, clearing his throat nervously.

"I don't mean to hijack dinner, but this really can't wait," Cody began, looking to Rachel for confirmation. She blushed, looked a little embarrassed, but then nodded. Suspecting what was coming, Kensi reached under the table for Deeks' hand, his fingers lacing with hers as his other arm went around her shoulders.

"This is probably going to seem a little fast. And while it wasn't exactly planned, I've learned you can't plan everything in life. Sometimes things happen and you go with the flow, rise to the challenge, and become a better person for it," Cody continued. He finally tore his eyes away from Rachel's smiling face, looking at his parents in turn. "Rachel is pregnant. We're going to have a baby."

Kensi watched as the surprise filled Diane's face, quickly melting to elation for her son. The General looked similarly shocked, albeit a little more reserved, as he reached for Diane's hand. Kensi watched as the elder Keppingers exchanged a glance that spoke to their easy, silent communication of decades together. There was a little bit of hesitation in the looks they exchanged and Kensi thought she knew why. Even though it was a happy announcement, it was still something a bit unexpected.

Diane was moving to get up from her chair to embrace her son when Cody held up a hand to stop her. "Hang on a second, Mom. There's one more thing."

Rachel raised a quizzical eyebrow in Cody's direction. Clearly whatever he had planned next they hadn't discussed. Kensi watched her brother, feeling her heart begin to beat faster as she quickly realized what was about to happen. Her body and soul seemed to understand before her mind did and she squeezed Deeks' hand tight as she watched Cody, her normally confident and always sure brother, take a deep breath and a half step forward before he dropped down on one knee in front of Rachel.

It was Rachel's gasp of surprise that broke the still of the silence, and it was Deeks' touch, his hand warm on her neck, that told Kensi to breathe again. Kensi turned to look at Deeks, his blue eyes piercing her with an unblinking and understanding stare. In the background Kensi heard Cody speaking to Rachel. But all she could so was stare back at Deeks.

"Rachel, I know you're going to doubt this and think I'm doing this because of the baby. But I've had this ring for two months and I was just trying to figure out how to propose but not look like a crazy person. I think I've known you were it for me since the moment I saw you in that warehouse when you were shot and your first instinct was sympathy for a person you'd never met. You're the kindest person I've ever known and your strength impresses me everyday. I know I can be a good husband to you and there's nothing I want more than for you to be my wife and for us to be a family. Will you marry me?"

Rachel's response was out almost before Cody could finish speaking. "Yes, of course I'll marry you!"

Kensi finally tore her eyes from Deeks, looking over at her friends as Cody's face broke out into the happiest smile she'd ever seen from her brother. Before he could manage to slide the ring on Rachel's finger she was pulling him close for a kiss and a tight embrace. If it had been anyone else Kensi probably would have been uncomfortable witnessing such a private moment. But Rachel and Cody were the kind of open and sharing people that their happiness was enhanced by including the family and friends they loved. They couldn't help but want to make others a part of their joy.

When Rachel finally released Cody she laughed as he kissed the side of her face and whispered in her ear, no doubt teasing her that she wouldn't give him enough time to even make it official. Rachel nodded vigorously and held her left hand out, her green eyes sparkling as Cody slid a diamond solitaire ring on her finger. From across the table even Kensi could tell the diamond was large, but Rachel barely gave it a second look before she leaned forward to give her fiancé another soft kiss.

After that it was near chaos around the table. Kensi grinned as she watched Diane, unable to contain herself any longer, rise from her seat to go around and embrace Rachel and then her son. The General was on his feet too, shaking Cody's hand and then taking Rachel's hands in his as he spoke quietly to her. Rachel blushed and then gave Robert an impulsive hug. And Kensi felt tears in her eyes at how the General hesitantly tightened his hold on Rachel. Kensi knew she wasn't the only one who had changed in the last year. And the changes, fought for long and hard, were absolutely for the better.

Kensi watched as the Keppingers and Rachel spoke excitedly, and in nearly impossible to discern words, about the baby and proposal. And she watched as Nell and Eric rose to offer their congratulations. Biding her time and waiting for the storm of activity to die down, Kensi looked over at Deeks, at how he watched her closely. His smile, lopsided as he grinned happily at her, told her he was happy for their friends.

Rachel came around the table then, excitedly holding out her hand for Kensi to admire her engagement ring. Kensi gave in to the female excitement that was a slightly foreign, but also fun, feeling and just a part of being Rachel's friend, and replied with the required exclamations of approval.

"Did you know he was going to do this?" Rachel asked curiously. Kensi shook her head emphatically.

"I had no idea."

Rachel glanced over at Cody, who was laughing with Deeks and Eric, her eyes softening. "He's so wonderful. I mean, he'll make a wonderful father. And I can't even believe how good he is to me. I'm not sure I deserve him."

Kensi tightened her hold on Rachel's hands, making Rachel look at her. Kensi locked her eyes with Rachel, wanting to banish away the insecurity she saw there.

"You deserve each other. So much. The fact that everything worked out that you two met when you did, and under those less than ideal circumstances, it's luck or cosmic kismet or whatever. Rachel, don't sell yourself short. Cody's a good man. And you're one of the best people I know," Kensi paused, the words forming in her mind and whispered through her lips. "If someone good loves you then there must be something good about you."

Rachel's eyes filled with tears, her self-consciousness and doubt seeming to melt away under Kensi's words. She gave Kensi a tremulous smile, nodding as she trusted Kensi's words and trusted in the strength of their friendship. Kensi felt her own eyes filling with tears at the trust she saw when Rachel looked at her. Rachel trusted her not to lie to her, and the weight of that trust made Kensi a little breathless. It had certainly been easier on her own with no responsibility for anyone. But being counted on as a friend, a sister, and a daughter was so much more rewarding.

And glancing over at Deeks once again, seeing him laugh with her family, fitting in as effortlessly with them as he'd also taken over his rightful place in her life, Kensi could feel nothing but peacefully accepting of where her life had taken her. It had been a long and tiring road, and one still littered with heartbreaking memories. But they were easier to face now that she wasn't alone.

Rachel's tugging at her arm brought Kensi's attention back to her friend. "So you'll be my maid of honor? It actually works out well now that Nell's married. She can be my matron of honor and you can be my maid of honor. I don't have to choose between the two of you," Rachel said, her tone clearly relieved.

Kensi laughed, knowing Rachel really was a peacemaker who didn't like to see conflict between the people she cared out. But then Rachel's eyes lit and she glanced slyly over at Deeks before turning back to Kensi, lowering her voice. "Unless, of course, you and Marty think about making it official…"

Rachel let the words hang, her eyes turning slightly disheartened as Kensi resolutely shook her head. Kensi opened her mouth to reassure Rachel's disappointment but then Robert made the announcement that dinner was getting cold and they should probably eat. Rachel returned to her seat across the table and Deeks came back to sit next to Kensi, casually kissing the back of her head as he passed her chair. Kensi lifted her head to give him a smile, her heart beating faster at Deeks' all too familiar need to constantly touch her.

Before Deeks she hadn't been the type for public displays of affection. She'd found such gestures smothering and condescendingly blatant. But Deeks was definitely the exception. When he touched her absentmindedly she couldn't help the thrill she felt that it was so automatic and unthinking. He didn't ask for the right because she'd already given it to him. And his possessive posture and touches around her in public were something she could understand. On more than one occasion she'd found herself doing the same to him.

The rest of dinner was an evening filled with excited conversations and laughter. It was much, much later after all the food had been cleared and the dishes had been cleaned that Kensi returned to the backyard to find Cody building a fire in the fire pit. She slid an arm over her brother's shoulder, feeling his arm go automatically around her waist as she gave him a silent hug. He returned the gesture, throwing her a smile before he turned back to the fire. They didn't really need words to say it, but Kensi wanted Cody to know he had her love and approval.

Nell and Eric settled into chairs around the fire and Deeks and Rachel came from the kitchen, balancing selections of beer, wine, and soda between them. Diane and Robert had already headed up to bed, Diane giving them a stern, though not at all imposing, lecture about them not being too loud and bothering the neighbors.

A light breeze began to pick up and Kensi shivered slightly, a reminder that fall and winter were just around the corner. She was about to go inside for a sweater when Deeks caught her arm, pulling her down to the chaise lounge to sit between his legs and against his chest. He nuzzled at her neck, causing shivers of a completely different kind to chase over her body.

"I'll keep you warm," Deeks murmured against her ear, kissing the outer shell lightly. Kensi tilted her neck to the side to allow his lips to trace a warm path to her shoulder where he dropped one last kiss before he rested his head next to hers. Deeks tightened his hold on her and Kensi let his heat surround her, let herself sink back against the solid strength of his body behind her, holding her up.

Kensi listened to the quiet conversations around them, watched as Eric and Nell casually kept their hands linked, their connection obvious in the quick looks and glances they gave to each other. And Cody had pulled Rachel down to his lap, lifting her legs to drape over the arm of the chair and his hands casually holding her close. Kensi read the confidence in Cody and Rachel, the easy acceptance of the rapid changes of the past few hours. It was that confidence that she admired and was even a little wistful of.

"I can practically hear the gears grinding and smell the smoke coming out of your ears. What're you thinking, Kens?" Deeks asked, his voice a low murmur in her ear. Kensi sighed and leaned back so she could turn her head and look Deeks in the eye, keeping her voice quiet so only he could hear.

"They're just so sure about having a baby. I can't imagine being so certain about something that happened so quickly," Kensi admitted, sharing a fear with Deeks she knew she never would have been able to months ago. Sharing her fears with anyone had been a difficult adjustment. But Deeks had proven himself worthy of taking on her fears. And he didn't let her hide her fears from him.

"I'd be willing to bet they're scared and nervous, too," Deeks replied. Then his expression turned painfully sad. "It isn't as though there's a user's manual for raising kids. Plenty of people do it who probably shouldn't."

Kensi heard the muted pain in Deeks' voice and knew he was thinking of his own parents. A father who let his own weakness hurt others and a mother who couldn't see past her own selfishness. She slid a hand under his shirt to rest against the warm skin of his lower back, turning slightly so she held herself against Deeks in a tight embrace.

"It's not just that," Deeks continued, his voice uncertain. Kensi waited, knowing he was more than referring to his less than stellar parental figures. "The job Cody has, the jobs we have. They're dangerous and there's no guarantee that any of us will live long enough to see any kids we might have graduate from high school. I just wonder sometimes if that's fair."

Kensi felt her heart turn over at the slightly dejected tone of Deeks' voice. And she thought about what he'd said, could see the logic of his words. But she thought about the opposing point of view to his statement and thought she might have an answer that would appease some of his doubts.

"It's true there's no guarantee any of us won't be killed on the job. But job or not, every child has some risk of losing their parents. My mom died of cancer; my dad was killed in a car accident. Does that mean they shouldn't have had me?" Kensi asked.

Deeks' eyes widened as he tried to back pedal. "Kens, that's not what I meant—"

"I know, Marty," Kensi reassured, allowing a slight smile to lift her lips before her expression turned serious again. "And your parents weren't very good at taking on the responsibility of having a child. Does that mean they shouldn't have had you?"

"They probably shouldn't have had me," Deeks muttered, his tone laced with darkness she hated hearing in his voice.

"But they did have you. And I'm glad they did. I hate what you had to grow up with but the idea that you might not exist in this world is not acceptable to me," Kensi replied firmly. Deeks managed a chuckle at her words, delivered with such infinite strength.

"And we both had totally different upbringings and yet we still somehow managed to turn into the people we are today. There are no guarantees in life," Kensi continued sadly. "Cops have kids all the time. Detective Benson had a daughter who will never have her father at her graduation because he died trying to protect her. But he was a good man and something of him remains in her. My father taught me everything he could before he was taken from me. And I'll never forget how much he loved me. Loss is a part of life. And you don't forget to live your life just because you might suffer from loss."

Deeks looked at Kensi carefully, his eyes shifting to amazement at the confidence in her tone. "You know, you used to be a lot more pessimistic. What happened?"

Kensi smiled widely, letting him see the easy answer in her bright eyes. "You happened. You annoyed me from the second we met in that gym, I couldn't stop thinking about you even then, and you got under my skin and never left."

Deeks let out a short bark of laughter as he shook his head. "I am persistent, aren't I?"

"Yeah, like pinkeye," Kensi replied cheekily, grinning back as Deeks snickered, his chest rising and falling against her back as he chuckled. Their laughter died down and Kensi ran a hand up and down Deeks' arm, watching as the tendons and muscles of his arm rose and fell as he moved his arm across her chest to cradle her close.

"You know we'll figure it out, right?" Kensi asked quietly, waiting until Deeks nodded silently, the side of his face brushing against hers. "Partners, married, kids, no kids, whatever happens. And you know that no matter what, we're in this together. All in, all the way."

Her words were a determined vow, a reaffirmation of the trust she knew Deeks had in her. She knew he needed to be reminded sometimes, how the emotions and demons of his past still made him doubt himself. The way Deeks exhaled, his breath hot against her ear, and how his arms tightened around her were her silent answer. They still had a lot of things about their future to figure out. But it would be a future they would figure out together.

* * *

><p>They'd all stayed up much too late the night before, trading stories and talking around the fire. But Cody was up and knocking on their door before dawn, the promise of some awesome waves convincing Deeks to coax Kensi from bed. Nell passed, citing a planned shopping trip with Diane, but Eric was more than willing to join them. Kensi and Rachel stumbled sleepily downstairs just as Cody and Deeks were finishing strapping their boards to the top of Kensi's SUV, already fitted with a rack for surfboards.<p>

They crammed into the car, Deeks taking the wheel as Cody directed them to Camp Pendleton. Thanks to Cody's access they'd been able to surf in some of the restricted areas on the base. But there was more than twenty miles of wide, sandy beach and Cody had saved the best for that weekend.

Pulling off to park near the Del Mar Jetty, everyone exited the car to stand and overlook the expanse of glimmering ocean, the rising sun behind them highlighting the crashing waves. The beach was deserted and Kensi stood behind Deeks, laying her hands flat on his shoulder blades as he practically vibrated with excitement under her touch. She glanced at Cody, sending him a silent thank you for bringing them to one of the beaches on Deeks' own personal surfing bucket list.

Cody moved to stand in front of them, ticking off information and advice. "I double checked and there aren't supposed to be an amphibious maneuvers this morning so we shouldn't have to watch out for tanks. They recently cleaned the shoreline for debris and metal shrapnel but keep your eyes open. There's supposed to be a great south swell overhead and pretty consistent barrels."

"How high?" Deeks asked curiously.

"Very fast breaks and hard and heavy waves with twelve to fifteen foot face," Cody replied back, to which Deeks gave a whistle of appreciation. Deeks clapped his hands together, then grinned at Cody.

"What are we waiting for?"

Cody laughed loudly and the guys unstrapped the boards before beginning the trek to the ocean's edge. Kensi and Rachel trailed behind as Cody, Deeks, and Eric practically ran to the water, excitedly discussing the quality of the surf. Kensi had her board and thought she might surf some, in part because Deeks loved to see her out on the water with him. Rachel surfed a little thanks to the ever persistent teaching from Cody and Deeks but she opted to stay on the beach and watch from a distance.

The waves were amazing and Kensi enjoyed the freedom out on the water, putting the skills she'd learned from Deeks and Jesse to good use. Being out on the ocean reminded her of Jesse and the memory of him so patiently teaching her to surf never failed to make her smile.

After awhile she sat on her board out on the water, watching the unrestrained delight in Deeks as he surfed. She knew for all his carefree façade that there were deep undercurrents of doubt and pain left by a difficult past and lurking demons. But out on the ocean that all seemed to go away. He was free, perfect, and beautiful in a way that almost made it difficult to breathe.

After one fairly spectacular ride Deeks paddled out to her, accepting her clapping and wet kiss with satisfied male pride. She nodded towards the ocean and Rachel, who had been sitting on her own for a few hours.

"I'm going to head in and keep Rachel company. You guys have fun though, don't rush," Kensi assured. Deeks looked uncertain.

"Are you sure? If you want to go—"

Kensi laughed. "Oh no, and listen to you whine about all the missed waves? No, you surf to your heart's desire."

And then Deeks gave her that wide smile, one side of his mouth lifted a little higher than the other, that smile she'd always privately thought was meant just for her. "As long as I have you, I've already got that, you know."

Kensi blushed a little, the sweetness of his expression and the honesty in his voice making her stomach flutter. She shook her head, charmed. "You're such a sap."

Deeks nodded happily and knowingly. "Yeah, but you love that about me."

Leaning across her board and the water to rest a hand around Deeks' neck and pull him close enough to kiss, Kensi smiled against his lips before she released him. "You're right. I do love you."

Deeks murmured the words back, then watched her ride a wave back to the beach, waiting for her arrival on the sand before he turned to paddle out to join Cody and Eric. Kensi sat with Rachel for a few hours, chatting about work, Cody and Deeks, books, movies, and the beginnings of wedding plans.

It was all so comfortable and real, the ability to learn to depend on others and let them depend on her. Kensi thought of her slightly imperfect life and knew she wouldn't change a thing about it. She had a mother and father in Diane and the General, a brother in Cody, close co-workers in Sam, Callen, and Eric, girlfriends in Nell and Rachel, and a man who loved her to distraction in Deeks.

Later in the morning Cody and Deeks took a break from surfing, Cody returning to give Rachel a few surfing pointers as they stayed close to the shore on his board. Kensi watched them from a distance, their laughter carrying across the wind and the soft rush of the waves.

Deeks approached, dropping his board and toweling off quickly before he held out a hand to her, pulling her to her feet. Kensi followed him willingly, enjoying the touch of his skin, cooled by the water, against her sun-warmed skin.

They walked in silence for a while and then Deeks stopped, turning her around so they faced each other. Kensi studied Deeks, watched as he shifted nervously from one foot to the other, casting his gaze out to the ocean before his determined eyes returned to her. Kensi watched as Deeks reached down to one of the pockets of his board shorts, pulling something out for her to see, the sunlight brightly glinting off metal.

Kensi squinted, focusing on the small piece of metal in his hand.

"Is that a key?"

"It is, yes."

Kensi paused, waiting for Deeks to explain. When he didn't, she pressed forward. "Is it a house key? But we already have keys to each other's apartments," Kensi said, slightly confused. Deeks continued to watch her and her heart began to hammer as another thought tumbled through her mind. "Marty, you couldn't—you didn't buy us a house, did you?"

Deeks laughed abruptly at the shocked expression on her face, shaking his head quickly.

"Oh, hell no. I'm not a moron. I would never buy a house for us to live in without involving you in the buying. Besides, I think we need your squeaky clean credit to qualify. No, this key is completely symbolic."

Kensi sighed in relief even while her heart began to quicken under the thoughtful smile that pulled at Deeks' lips, one hand going to cradle the side of her face while the other held the key for her to take.

"I do want to ask you something. I know it's not a ring or a promise. But I do mean this with everything in me. I want us to have a life together, no matter what it is. And I want us to take that next step, whatever it is for us. I think that's finding a house of our own, something that's both of us, together. Will you move in with me?" Deeks asked seriously, his blue eyes imploring her. Kensi couldn't help her bubbling laughter.

"We basically already live together, Marty," Kensi teased. But she nodded happily, then leaned into Deeks' arms as they circled her shoulders and waist to bring her flush against his bare chest. She brought her arms up and around his back and kissed his shoulder lightly. "But yes, we'll get a house and move in together."

When Deeks finally pulled back he fixed her with a concerned look, allowing a glance back at Cody and Rachel, now walking together hand-in-hand down the beach in the opposite direction.

"It doesn't bother you? That everyone around us is moving at faster speeds?" Deeks asked curiously.

Kensi shook her head, the answer coming easily and without hesitation. "No way. Why would it? I don't think we've ever been, or we'll ever be, exactly what people expect. I kind of like that about us."

Deeks' curious expression shifted to a shy smile. "Yeah, me too."

They turned to walk back along the beach. Kensi turned the silver key over in her hand, letting her fingers find and rub against the grooves of the cut metal. Buying a house together might not have been the typical or expected next step for a couple like them, already committed in an unshakeable relationship. To an outside party marriage might have made the most sense. But it didn't bother Kensi in the least that marriage wouldn't be the next step for them. Not yet.

She allowed her stride to match Deeks' as their legs and hips occasionally bumping comfortably against each other. She caught his eye with hers, allowing him to see the teasing curiosity in her face.

"So, partner. Buying a house, living together, working together. What do you think? What's next?"

Deeks grinned at her, going along with her playful words. He stepped away from her, spreading his arms wide.

"Anything we want. Sound good to you?"

Kensi took a deep breath at Deeks' confident tone, at the sincere certainty as he gazed back at her. "'Anything we want'? That sounds better than good."

She hesitated to use the word _perfect_, even though never before had it felt more applicable. Deeks seemed to read the change in her expression, saw the promise and hope in her eyes. Still a few steps away from her, he reached out a hand, his palm up and open for her to take.

"Come on, then. Let's get going."

Without hesitation, Kensi took his hand, locking their fingers and fate together. They continued down the beach, walking in the water and feeling the ebb and flow of the ocean around them, the changing tide and the inexplicable way they effortlessly fit together.

Kensi walked with Deeks down the beach towards their friends, towards their family, and towards their future. It was by no means certain or perfectly planned. But they would face it.

Together.

**END**

* * *

><p><strong>Final<strong> **Note:** This is always where I intended to leave this story, which I thought would be a standalone story. I figured the ending left the characters in a good place and tied up the story loose ends. I wasn't even contemplating a sequel. Not because I didn't think it wasn't possible but because I figured it would need to be a good story, with an interesting mystery/case, and opportunity for character growth. But last week I was having such a hard time writing this epilogue and I think it was because I didn't really want to say goodbye to these characters and the world created out of this story. And then a new story began to take form. And the epilogue suddenly became easier to write. So for those of you who have asked and suggested, wanting to see more of Kensi and Deek's story (as well as Cody and Rachel's), there will be a sequel to this story. Tentatively titled **Feel the Tide**, I'm still working through the plot to make it all fit but I hope to have something to share in a month or two. Admittedly, I think I need a little break from my self-imposed rigorous writing schedule from TBT and I want to make sure with something new that all the characters and plot will work. And I have a couple smaller one-shot story ideas I might try first, depending on where inspiration strikes. Thanks again for all the support and interest, this is a great fandom and it has been my pleasure to write for you. - Mel


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